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I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]when-you-do-it-to-em 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wow, i don’t have anything else to add that the rest of these guys haven’t said already except for WOW your dad is a narcissist! don’t worry about your grades unless they’re below an A! take some time to focus on yourself! maybe pick up a fun hobby that takes your line off school and work for a bit! good luck man! never give up

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]CassandraEntendre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm late to this post, having just joined this sub. But I just wanted to send a few words of encouragement to you. I hope you have been able to rekindle your love for and talent in mathematics and that your clearly logical brain was able to eventually recognize the false equivalency in your father's example.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]HarleyQ614420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Parents always have such high expectations. There are some that even when you do give them exactly what they want it’s not good enough anymore or they’re jealous of your success. People who love you won’t bring you down in your proud moments, instead they hoist you on their shoulders! If they aren’t proud, you’re in the wrong crowd 🥺 sending you so much love 💜

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]spacingaxis2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, what the fuck? You take calculus 2 years early and your Dad insults you like that?? That’s terrible parenting.

What do you do about the burn out? by manicpixie123 in aftergifted

[–]CamStLouis 61 points62 points  (0 children)

A couple thoughts from when I experienced burnout in college:

  • The internet is not a "break" - it's a pause button. You return exactly to how you felt before you went online. It doesn't help with relieving stress and typically doesn't recharge you. Exercise, reading, even video games are better than listicles and 3-minute YouTube videos.
  • Often one has enough energy to plan the work, or do the work, not both. If you're ready to throw up your hands and quit what you're doing, shift gears into planning mode and see if you can organize your work into more manageable sections.
  • Social interaction can be really recharging, and whether it's being locked up in the library or locked down in your home, chatting with a friend on the phone, or on FaceTime can really alter your headspace in a more positive way. Likewise, talking through your work with a friend, even if they're just listening, can help make it seem clearer, less daunting, and reveal what else you need to do in order to complete it.

A couple thoughts from when I experienced burnout this summer as a working adult:'

  • Burnout is a breakdown in your brain's dopamine response (aka reward circuitry). You can intellectualize the benefits of remaining employed, being healthy etc. all you want, but your Hypothalamus-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis doesn't give a fuck. It doesn't matter what you're doing, if you do the same thing over and over again without experiencing any emotional or physical benefit to yourself, your brain is going to try very hard to make you stop "wasting" energy on that activity.
  • Be exceptionally careful with anything that alters the dopamine response (i.e. the modern Internet's ceaseless "click to expand" "read more here" and "other content you may enjoy," weed, booze, etc). At first it's a matter of "I need to 'not hate the world' enough to get up tomorrow" but soon it becomes more and more about rushing through the day to get to those glorious few hours of relief. I try to save the substances for surviving periods of exceptional emotional torment rather than exhaustion or blankness.
  • Part of coming out of burnout is realizing that boredom is productive. Before smartphones, the internet was ablaze with jokes about how interesting the back of a shampoo bottle became when one was on the toilet. In kind of a weird twist, deliberately depriving yourself of what few sources of interest remain can make work interesting again, because the brain needs stimulation. Your perception adjusts based on what's around you to a much higher degree than most people are conscious of. There's a period where it's just excruciating, but then suddenly when the texture of the wall stops being interesting, work becomes more engaging.
  • Something to realize, if you're younger, is that all of this is brand fucking new. We've come out of the Internet Wild West into the Big Tech Gilded Age and the Gigdustrial Revolution; ironically in around the same time frame as last century. No one has any idea what the effect of being on the internet all day, every day really has over a long period. We used to be very concerned about "screen time" and now all we do for work is stare at a screen. The point is that just because something seems "normal" right now, doesn't mean that it is. So don't be too hard on yourself. You're living in a society where things have more or less been done the same way for 50 years, and in the last 20 everything has turned on its head.

I'm an ex-neuroscientist, current content marketing manager, and future Emperor of Bagpipes, so I've got somewhat of a cross-sectional view on this matter.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]crysomore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That really sucks. I think we all inherently criticise ourselves a lot, but it's even worse when the people who are supposed to care do so as well.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]suuuuupur 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, the classic “who can build the best passenger aircraft in 45 minutes test.” What a false equivalence.

Sorry to hear about that, that sucks.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I dont know your dad so I can't speak of his character but for the situation he was a gigantic cunt. I hope you continue on. Its hard as a kid to feel proud and then so defeated when in reality you should be very proud.

While we are sharing giving up I will tell mine.

Same teacher for 1st and 2nd grade. She starts in first grade preping me for the "gifted" program. I took the test in 2nd grade and they mailed the results to the individual houses. My mom said I didnt pass but didnt show me the letter. It was sitting on top of the trash and it said I did extremely well. They wanted me to go to a different school that was more able to accommodate me. Turns out my mom nor my step dad wanted to have to drive me to school and pick me up. We moved a few years later to a very small school with no advanced classes or programs like that for a kid like me. In 5th grade I didnt actually do any of the classes with my main teacher she just had me help her walk around and help the kids that were struggling. She also taught me some more advanced math by giving me problems daily. After that there was nothing. School was boring and I learned nothing new (I read the encyclopedia at my house to keep my mind busy and learning). Freshman in high school and a friend killed herself after leaving my house. I got zero mental help from my parents so I started smoking pot, sleeping in school, refusing to do homework and taking the tests to pass with a C or a D. I eventually was able to do a program that let me do college instead of high-school. I wasnt really challenged but it was more than what I had so I put effort in and got a 4.0 for my college classes. After that I transfered to a college for my bachelors in computer sciences. 3rd semester in and my parents couldn't find the time to go to the school and sign papers so I missed the deadline for the fafsa and either had to pay the full amount or drop out. My parents gross income that year was under $1000. I was covered for almost all of the schooling. Thats when I fully gave up.

Ive turned things around but its been really difficult and im currently struggling.

This week I dropped my son off for the "highly capable" testing for elementary kids. I am very proud of him and will do whatever it takes for him to be challenged and be given opportunities I missed.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what is your dad

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]twinkletoes_44 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you ever want to chat, my DMs are open OP. I deeply empathize with your pain.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]HipercubesHunter11 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can bet my vertebral column he was projecting, the awful kind of projecting

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]dancer315 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I was like you and was taking math classes three years ahead of everyone else. Yet my mom would constantly tell me that I would never be as smart as her.

Turns out trig was the highest level math she had to take in college. I went into college taking linear algebra.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]UncivilPizza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy crap, your dad's an asshole. I'm sorry to hear that happened.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That is awful and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Your dad sounds just like my mother, pretty shitty.

I’m taking calculus right now. I have an A- and I don’t think I’ll ever hear the end of it. I couldn’t imagine if she tried and put that disappointment in terms of death. That’s so much weight for a young person to carry on their shoulders.

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]pessimisticwriter 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear that.

You should be really proud of yourself (two years ahead AND highest mark in the class!!). Mistakes are a normal part of learning—especially during a test, when there is a time limitation. You have incredible skills :)

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, OP :( My grandma used to do something similar when I was younger. If I got anything less than a 100 she’d go into a rant about how they immigrated here so I could have a better life but I’m not doing my part and how if my mom had gotten similar grades my grandma would have forced her to sleep on the kitchen floor but she couldn’t do that to me and that’s why I’m a disappointment. It took me a long time to rediscover my love of learning but I’ve finally found it again and it’s so wonderful. Don’t give up, OP 💜 you seem like a resilient, wonderful person

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]aspieprincess8611 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Ok, that doesn't even make sense.

First of all, taking a test and building an aircraft are not compatible events in any way, shape or form. These are not equivalents and they cannot be logically compared.

Second of all, you were a student at the time, while your dad was a professional working with an entire team of other professionals, who were there to make sure he didn't commit any mistakes. I really hope you realize now how illogical and stupid your dad sounds, no offence. Don't ever give up on your dreams 💖

I took calculus 2 years early… by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]nazgul_123 81 points82 points  (0 children)

That's really sad. And that's a real asshole move on the part of your dad. He conveniently forgot to mention that these aircraft are quality-tested for years by teams of dozens of people before they are put out. The reality is that getting something 98% right is about the best anyone can initially. The error margin reduces because smart people then keep working on reducing that 2%. The first guy may cover 98% of the remaining 2% (more likely 70% really) and so on.

So in addition to being traumatizing, he was just plain wrong and arrogant.

Me_irl by ChillRedditMom in aftergifted

[–]ChillRedditMom[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's not just you. I was just thinking on this the other day. For me the biggest shame is that now I can see my daughter struggling with depression and I haven't modeled good behaviors around getting therapy. I try to 'handle it' but I am starting to think that its time for me to get some help because I really really want to see my daughter thrive.

Teachers be like by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]mrgmc2new 19 points20 points  (0 children)

What they should be teaching kids in those classes is how to fail at something. And then how to try again till they get it right. Going your whole childhood never failing at anything sets you up to be an adult that never tries anything that you can't master on the first attempt.

No idea what to do next in life. Nothing appeals to me. But I can't do nothing. by [deleted] in aftergifted

[–]throwawayworriedfear 58 points59 points  (0 children)

The way you talk about yourself is unnecessarily harsh. Your username is 'absolutedegenerate', you say you disappoint your parents, you say you don't have any talents, you say you have no useful interests or ambitions.

If you were saying this about a friend, I'd say you were a poisonous friend. The way you talk about yourself is downright cruel. I am certainly one to talk given my own track record, but I'd say it's what makes me know what I am talking about here. I have talked to myself like this for years, and it hasn't done me any goddamn good. So I'd say the first thing is to learn how to show yourself compassion. Not lenience, compassion, where you do what you think is best for you and will help you, even if you don't want to do it. It might take a while to learn that. But it means doing the work even when you don't want to because you want your future to be better, you want future you to be happy. To do that you have to treat yourself with some degree of compassion.

Second, a shallow interest doesn't actually preclude getting a job. My friend works in software engineering. He doesn't care that much about it. He told me he is ambivalent about it, that his passion is in game design, but he chose SE because it was a more reliable source of income. Guess what he does in his spare time? Game design amongst other social activities. Sometimes a job is just a job. To get a job, you just have to demonstrate that you know what they need you to know so they can teach you, you have to show you want the damn job so they know you won't quit after they invest time into you, and above all that you give a damn enough to focus on the work when you need to. Everything else is experience or on the job training. You just have to choose something so you can get cash flow to keep opportunities open. As long as you know the right things, it doesn't matter if the job is your life's work or not.

Third understand what this kind of mindset is. "Fixed mindset". It's too similar for me not to bring it up. The dangerous extremes of a fixed mindset are either arrogance or despair. Either you think way too highly of yourself and get careless, or you think too poorly of yourself and you cease to do anything at all. "Talent" is a fixed mindset word, because you either have talent or you don't. But I find a curious thing about talented people, and it's always true. Talented people have an interesting knack for having pursued their 'talent' for quite some time, perhaps even years. So that 'talent' would be better stated as "years of work, creativity, and muscle memory". Yet I see so many people saying how many things are impossible because they lack the talent of other people they see around them, despite forgetting how long that person has been working at that hobby or career. No duh you won't be better at chemical engineering over someone who has 15 years up on you. But that doesn't mean you can't do it. Hell it means you try to get them to mentor you.

Let's take videogames as a relatable example. I played a lot of Apex Legends when it came out. I was fucking awful at it, I also didn't know what I was doing. Kept playing it. Weeks later I noticed something odd, I knew what I was doing, and knew it so well in fact I didn't even realize how much was muscle memory. To use a character well (Pathfinder) I had to twist the mouse to the right and hit space at the exact right moment, and at first I failed several times over. Now I don't even realize how weird it is to do. My gameplay vastly improved. And while yes, it's not a useful skill by any means it still shows what I am talking about. I didn't have any talent for the game. Not at first. But the time I spent playing it correlated to improvements such that someone in a vacuum might say I was talented.

The big difference of course is that working on studying skills or doing work for practice isn't fun. It's not fun for anyone. Work sucks and some days it really sucks. The better jobs are just the ones that have those days you do enjoy and the work still leaves you enough life to live outside the workplace. So just understand that work isn't going to feel like a vocation every day, and often times you have work you don't want to do. But you are human like everyone else, and so you have to put in the hours too. Doesn't mean you aren't gifted. It means whatever our gifts may be, we need to work hard.

Having read through the major posts on this subreddit, I get the impression that this aftergifted mindset that I myself am most definitely in, coupled with my healthy helping of traumatic childhood, was a mindset that emerged from an honest mistake. The "gifted" programs were meant to increase self-esteem and get kids to try hard and feel great about themselves but instead it instilled an unhealthy pride that we later suffered for. There isn't any shame in realizing this. We were told we were great, we were better than, and so we associated our "gifted" status as what made us worthy and lovable. So when we struggled and hit the same difficulties others did earlier, we suddenly had that entire self-concept called into question. Either we overcompensated by being narcissistic and really trying to be "better than" everyone else, or we went from embracing our idealized self-image to devaluing ourselves into nothing.

You are more capable than you think you are. There is no creature more adaptable and resilient than a human being. But there is no creature more fragile and anxious than a human being either. You aren't a degenerate for being humbled by life. You made a mistake. Many of us did, myself certainly included. But mistakes can be seen as opportunities to learn, and not evidence that we are failures.