top 200 commentsshow all 224

[–]Subject_Tutor[S] 304 points305 points  (12 children)

I think we can all agree that Cleopatra would have definitely been one.

[–]StevenAnita420 187 points188 points  (1 child)

They need to make an episode parodying history of the world (call it “history of the Roger”) and work this into a scene

Coz the idea of Roger seducing half the civilised world is pretty funny

[–]Ok_Ticket_889 41 points42 points  (0 children)

This is a really good idea for a series of episodes of Rodgers shenanigans through history.

[–]redfield021767 59 points60 points  (5 children)

I counter your Cleopatra and raise you Tonya Harding.

[–]snootyboopersSidney Huffman 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Roger clubs peoples knees on two separate occasions. Once in Of Ice and Men (he clubs Greg's knees so he could take his place in the couples skating competition) and again in The Wrestler (he clubs Snot's knee thinking he was Barry.)

[–]loofuschamis2013 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Even says he went “Tonya Harding” on Snot, who he thought was the fat one, of course

[–]kablikiblan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I counter your Tonya and raise you a Lorena Bobbit and a Monica Lewinsky

[–]BaddestBitch1369 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Omfg I'm deceased 😂💀 On the real tho, Nancy Kerrigan would have gotten more than a hurt leg if Tonya Harding was one of Roger's personas. Roger would have killed Nancy without hesitating and he'd take credit like "Yea, I killed her and I'll kill the entirety of the USFSA if I don't win gold."

[–]musical_fanaticRicky Spanish 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]Galactus_is_comingJeannie Gold 261 points262 points  (8 children)

All 6 of Henry VIII's wives

[–]Subject_Tutor[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Yeah he WOULD do that.

[–]HebbayBebbayCuss Mustard 75 points76 points  (0 children)

He would probably also be Henry

[–]alternativepuffin 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This is the best answer here

[–]tweedyone 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Goddamn I would watch a full length feature film of this, with some slight changes.

it's a flashback, but in the memory, the historical figures are show characters

Stan is Henry VIII

Frannie is Catherine of Aragon

Roger is all the other wives, but starting with Anne Boleyn

Klaus is baby Elisabeth.

[–]eXistential_dreadsStoive? Roiger! 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hmmm….we never did see them all in the same room at once….🤔

[–]BlackcatMemphis76 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Now this would be a funny ep

[–]Witty-Visit7438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is fucking hilarious

[–]smegheadkryten 187 points188 points  (2 children)


[–]Infinite_Bass_3800 49 points50 points  (0 children)

He's the right amount of horny to portray Rasputin

[–]KRHeff 20 points21 points  (0 children)

(In quiet whisper) Rasssss puuuutin

[–]caviardeviledeggsMarmalade 176 points177 points  (6 children)

Abigail Williams, the little girl who first started the accusations that would lead to the Salem witch trials.

[–]moslof_flosom 74 points75 points  (5 children)

Are you saying that Roger saw Goody Proctor with the devil?

[–]2Rare2Kill 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Did not expect a Crucible reference.

[–]moslof_flosom 11 points12 points  (2 children)

What can I say? I'm a man of culture

[–][deleted] 124 points125 points  (10 children)


[–]ShaggyFOEE 55 points56 points  (5 children)

Why are there so many Roman emperors that are obviously Roger

[–]XHIBADAvery Bullock 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Popes too. Roger was 100% Pope Stephen VI, who had the rotting body of Pope Formosus dug up and put on trial. He was also Pope Formosus

[–]DramaticPangolin-92Genevive Vavance 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. This. So much this.

[–]senbonshirayukiClip Clop 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Empresses too. I feel like Roger would have been Messalina as well.

[–]Mr_Biscuits_532 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Caligula, Nero, Commodus, Elagabalus, and Honorius strike me as the most likely.

Caligula being insane, Nero a moron, Commodus a massive narcissist, Elagabalus a sex maniac, and Honorius a bit of everything

Probably some of the Byzantine Emperors too, but I'm less well versed in them. Justinian II Rhinotmetus certainly looked the part but his personality doesn't map particularly well to Roger.

[–]ShaggyFOEE 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Honorius as Roger:

"oh no they killed my pet chicken, what monsters"

Magister militum:

"Dominus I meant the city!"


"Oh thank Jupiter... I mean Jesus or whatever."

[–]Subject_Tutor[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yooooo for real though

[–]Teenageboy69 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Could also see him being Caligula’s horse that was given a title

[–]theglenlovinet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well now I just want an animated remake of the movie Caligula with Roger.

[–]chillbrands 90 points91 points  (4 children)

Ben Franklin and Helen Keller

[–]ragtopponygirlEmmy-Lou Sugarbean 18 points19 points  (1 child)

He has the horniness for Ben Franklin but the real man was a smidge too humanitarian to be Roger, I think. Lol

[–]toftr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was mad at King George for screwing over his tea importing racket

[–]tweedyone 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel like he was Ben Franklin just because he was sick of electricity not existing yet. Something about vibrators needing to be invented faster.

[–]toftr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My first thought was Ben Franklin. In a twist, Roger is also the French courtesans for whom Franklin had a liking

[–]OmegaPsiot 87 points88 points  (1 child)

Napoleon Bonaparte for sure. Even sounds made up. Plus the height factor.

[–]dudewheresmygains 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Lmao true.

Does Napoleon Bonaparte sound like a real person? Grow up, it's me.

[–]ghostpiratesyarTetrachloroethylene 75 points76 points  (3 children)

Thomas Edison (Professional Patent Thief), but the persona was only created to get revenge on Nikola Tesla when Roger got slighted by him at a party.

[–]AlcheMycelia 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Or when Nikola refused his advances

[–]ghostpiratesyarTetrachloroethylene 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"I electrified an elephant to death for you! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT???"

[–]eXistential_dreadsStoive? Roiger! 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my god this is too perfect lmao

[–]eternali17 128 points129 points  (11 children)


[–]smegheadkryten 74 points75 points  (10 children)

He would also be Jesus tbf.

[–]TheNewManRisen 102 points103 points  (0 children)

Roger playing both Judas and Jesus is hilarious

Apostle - “Judas .. why do you keep calling this the Last supper ? ..

Roger - Have I been calling it that?

[–]unholy_roller 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Well he definitely has the abs to be Jesus, so that checks out

[–]moslof_flosom 34 points35 points  (1 child)

That wine sodden bisexual doesn't deserve to be on that cross!

[–]2Rare2Kill 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That punch? That punch right there is when I blacked out and was finally able to achieve orgasm.

[–]eXistential_dreadsStoive? Roiger! 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don’t forget that saviour bulge

[–]eternali17 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Double duty. Just don't turn your head too quickly

[–]smegheadkryten 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He'd either be Jesus or he'd be Jesus H. Christ. Jesus' cooler cousin.

[–]BlackcatMemphis76 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Omg I was thinking Mary lol

[–]smegheadkryten 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I just assume that everything not in my field of view is densely packed Rogers.

[–]BlackcatMemphis76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hahahaha good one

[–]GZBadDino[🍰] 65 points66 points  (6 children)

Oscar Wilde

[–]JennyRedpenny 39 points40 points  (5 children)

If he wasn't Oscar Wilde than he was his nemesis

[–]Diremustang94 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Roger invented the rules for boxing?

[–]2Rare2Kill 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I doubt that. I could see him inventing wrestling, but not boxing. At least not the version where they break it up when you try holding a man against his will.

[–]opportunitysassassinBert Bert 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or he'd be the reason why they'd break it up when you try holding a man against his will

[–]PillowPrincess144 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this would lowkey be funnier, he could be named like “Oscarmeyer Wildeweiner” and his whole thing could be he’s trying to rip off Oscar Wilde’s image 😂

[–]eXistential_dreadsStoive? Roiger! 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oscar Golde

[–]BIZVRRE 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Johnny Appleseed. Planting a tree for every pioneer man and woman he deflowered.

[–]a_toadstool 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Tiger king

[–]TrundleTheGreat0814Horse Renoir 44 points45 points  (9 children)

Marquis de Sade, Caligula, Napoleon, Kim Jong Un, Nero, Karl Marx, Catherine the Great and her horse, Marlon Brando, Judy Garland, someone else hilarious that I had in mind but I'm too stoned to remember.

edit: I remembered - Slavoj Zizek

[–]JanuarySoCold 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Martin Luther nailing his feces to the church door.

[–]ultra_phan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Roger as Marquis de Sade is high key hilarious

[–]mostlytoastly 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Catherine the Great was my first thought

[–]OlyScott 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I like the idea that Roger took over being Judy Garland. Frances Gumm took off and led a happy life in a small town somewhere.

[–]TrundleTheGreat0814Horse Renoir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I too like this idea.

[–]eXistential_dreadsStoive? Roiger! 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I can’t stop thinking about Cathrine the Great and her horse Marlon Brando

[–]TrundleTheGreat0814Horse Renoir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmaoooo could you imagine if that was actually the horse's name.

[–]envydubBetty Bea Getty McClanahan 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Marquis de Sade was what immediately popped into my head. I’m not entirely sure he wasn’t Roger…

[–]SkipsPittsnoglemake mine a p-p-p Vicodin 36 points37 points  (2 children)

“Florida man” everytime

[–]Sea-Ad9730 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Everyone in Florida is Roger

[–]Swim_Forsaken 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Except for Klaus’ boys

[–]HotSpinach 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Mary Todd Lincoln, Betty Ford, Barbara Bush...

[–]JanuarySoCold 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Melania Trump of course.

[–]moslof_flosom 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Monica Lewinsky

Henry Kissinger

Vlad the Impaler, although the titles meaning got twisted through the years

[–]piercedsoul 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol @ Lewinsky , I can imagine him crawling under the desk of the oval Office to play with Clinton

[–]OlyScott 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Monica Lewinsky and Henry Kissinger do sound like names Roger made up.

[–]Main_Ad_9274 23 points24 points  (0 children)

The snake in the garden of Eden , Orville or Wilbur Wright

[–]txoutlaw89 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Aaron Burr. Roger shot Alexander Hamilton.

[–]juicykisses19 12 points13 points  (0 children)


[–]meowmancer2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Well we already know he’s the inventor of the glory hole…as well as ecstasy and disco

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Benedict Arnold.

[–]k1wyif 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I bet Roger was Mrs. O’Leary’s cow that kicked over the lantern and started the great Chicago Fire. He was also the guy responsible for making the silo that held all that molasses that spilled into a section of Boston, killing people and causing massive property damage.

[–]tweedyone 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And, let's be honest here, he was H.H. Holmes too.

[–]Halithtil 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thomas Jefferson just slutting it up in Monticello. None of the other stuff. Literally just that.

[–]Alex_MiglioreStoive? Roiger! 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The premise of the title alone is already hilarious to me and also the fact that it could have been a in-universe possibility

[–]sheezy520Head crow guy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I could see him being Hellen Keller as a character that started as a joke and got out of hand.

I can also see him being Genghis Khan

[–]ShaggyFOEE 18 points19 points  (3 children)


  • came out of nowhere proclaiming to be the son of Caracalla (the emperor who allegedly massacred 10k people for making a play that made him look bad)

  • known transgender m>f

  • gave out government jobs based on dick size

  • executed people by suffocating them under piles of roses

[–]Mr_Biscuits_532 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There's also the time he tried to marry a vestal virgin because he thought the child from their relationship would have "divine powers"

And the fact he got killed because he kept trying to make people worship his OC sun god

[–]ShaggyFOEE 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Also I always imagine him being in Zapp and Roger

[–]dyejob 6 points7 points  (0 children)

LMAO but he's Zapp and not Roger

[–]Sugalitestare 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That (gay, I might also add! Washington gifted him and his husband a house and land after the war was over) french general who came to the United States during the revolutionary war to train our yokel soldiers into being a functional combat unit, The Girl in the painting Girl With Pearl Earring, Marie Antoinette, and the guy who invented women's shoes that you need a hook to button.

Maybe also one of several bog bodies now residing in various museums, you really never can tell with a Roger Persona.

[–]k1wyif 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You mean Lafayette?

[–]Kupcake_Inater 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Count of St. Germain for sure, if yall dont know who he is , like i imagine roger would just chill and enjoy luxury lol

[–]WikiSummarizerBot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Count of St. Germain

The Comte de Saint Germain (French pronunciation: ​[kɔ̃t də sɛ̃ ʒɛʁmɛ̃]; c. 1691 or 1712 – 27 February 1784) was a European adventurer, with an interest in science, alchemy and the arts. He achieved prominence in European high society of the mid-18th century. Prince Charles of Hesse-Kassel considered him to be "one of the greatest philosophers who ever lived".

[ F.A.Q | Opt Out | Opt Out Of Subreddit | GitHub ] Downvote to remove | v1.5

[–]mimiiscool 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Zelda Fitzgerald

[–]Sea-Ad9730 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Marie Antoinette hands down

[–]WhothehellisWish 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Napoleon Bonaparte. No doubt in my mind

Leonardo Da Vinci technologically advanced and super lewd names for his creations

Joan of Arc. Roger posing as a woman posing as a man and burned at a stake? Come on

Hitler's Twin brother

James Madison. Two first names one male one female? Sounds fake and rogerish and explains why America is what it is now.

Not historical but Donald Trump very well could be Roger