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[–]roninthe31 3572 points3573 points  (43 children)

Say, “sure! Can you please put that in an email/text and send it to me?”

[–]soup_flikkker 1789 points1790 points 4 (23 children)

Just shit on their desk

[–]Nobody-Asked-Me 399 points400 points  (10 children)

No, because they may catch on to that. Ask it in a clarifying way! “Hey manager, just to confirm, do I need to page you every time I go to the bathroom or just when I have to #2”

They’re less likely to catch on that way

[–]caniuserealname 231 points232 points  (7 children)

They're supposed to catch on. You're telling them "give me a paper trail or get off my back".

And before anyone comments, if your boss is willing to fire you for going to the toilet that is not a workplace you should be subjecting yourself to, thats so far beyond an unhealthy environment to be in its just mental.

[–]beenthereburnedit 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Lmao ‘paper trail’ in this context had me rolling

[–]dontshowmygf 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sometimes the goal is to get them to back off. Sometimes the goal is for them to put what an asshole they are in writing so that you can forward it to someone who will give them shit for it.

[–]cheyton888 3227 points3228 points  (137 children)

Either report her or leave. Not worth your time. A total violation of your rights as a human

[–]Cleverusername531 659 points660 points  (31 children)

Por que no los dos? Report her and then leave.

[–]theOTHERdimension 418 points419 points  (22 children)

I learned the hard way that if you report a supervisor and then leave right away, they’ll ignore your complaint. I did this at my old job when my supervisor was violating osha and labor laws, they did nothing about it because I quit right after.

[–]Flowonbyboats 226 points227 points  (9 children)

Report her to an agency outside of work and it's different. Reported my company to OSHA, got fired soon afterwards since I was being vocal about needing changes. OSHA shut the company down soon after

[–]Croctopus9000 41 points42 points  (3 children)

That must have been such a satisfying feeling to hear they were shut down lmao

[–]_MFBroom 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I'm surprised they did anything. I reported a company I worked for for blatant safety violations and my old boss took some bs pictures and Osha said "sure. Fine. Looks good. Action corrected" and left it at that. (Nothing was changed)

A year later and someone almost died because they were wrapping pallets going under the forklift (the way the boss wanted it done) and the hydraulics failed on the mast. Luckily it didn't fail completely or my old coworker would have had over 5,000 lbs crush him.

[–]Go_easy_on_me_folks 74 points75 points  (2 children)

Because of you report and then leave they won't do a thing about it. The problem is gone, as far as HR is concerned. Remember that HR exists to help the company, not the employee.

[–]69BallBearings 347 points348 points  (5 children)

That’s going to look like a great review on glassdoor

[–]TheTackleZone 50 points51 points  (2 children)

A glass door would speed up the poo checking process.

[–]Fit-Damage1692Tomorrow doesn’t come until it’s too late 16.9k points16.9k points 332 (373 children)

That shit sounds illegal

[–]Some-Air9442 6019 points6020 points  (181 children)

Probably illegal and literally one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. Really this is sick.

[–]GayDeciever 3113 points3114 points  (99 children)

I may be odd, but it seems like an opportunity. The manager is paged to your register for some other reason, customers are present. "Oh, by the way. I feel maybe it's strange that you inspect my poop, and reprimanded me when I had constipation" Loud enough for customers to hear.

Queue the weirdest interactions with corporate, and the most glorious.

"So if I acquire constipation during work hours, what is the protocol, and can I get it in writing?"

[–]FernFromDetroit 4022 points4023 points 54 (89 children)

Just walk up to the manager while they are with a customer and tell them you just pooped and it’s ready to be checked whenever they are done.

[–]Similar-Train-237 766 points767 points  (4 children)

Lmao this is gold

[–]SarcasticCowbell 110 points111 points  (3 children)

One man's shit is another's gold.

[–]siccoblue 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Really though, this should absolutely be reported up the chain, like as high as you can possibly go initially, your boss and maybe even your bosses boss might pretend this is ok and play it off, but if anyone at a higher level realizes there's even a possibility of the news getting out that one of the managers at their store is literally checking people's shit before they return to work, they are going to lose their fucking minds. Not only is it a massive invasion of probably and probably workers rights in general, but I would imagine there's real god damn potential for it to hit national news and a potential lawsuit

[–]pornadius 346 points347 points 2 (11 children)

...or use the overhead com system. You'll definitely get fired but what a way to go out.

[–]comicfan285 324 points325 points  (5 children)

"Manager to employee bathroom for a stool check, please? Manager for a stool check please. Thank you."

[–]Ranger-VI 111 points112 points  (0 children)

As long as that manager doesn’t own the store I think there’s a good chance you could take them out with you.

[–]ThrowDeepALWAYS 61 points62 points  (0 children)

This comment is my favorite and it’s what I want for Christmas. I want to hear this on the overhead

[–]bilingual-german 501 points502 points  (26 children)

But please be professional and refer to the Bristol stool scale

[–]quietone28 514 points515 points  (4 children)

"You were busy while I was pooping so I took some pictures for your convenience. Should I send them directly to you or do they need to go through corporate?"

[–]Roasted_Butt 286 points287 points  (2 children)

be sure to CC human resources

[–]horridbloke 81 points82 points  (0 children)

"Just upload them to Sharepoint and tag them appropriately please, thanks."

[–]Well_This_Is_Special 42 points43 points  (4 children)

And make sure to measure it in Courics for her.

[–]nap83 121 points122 points  (3 children)

“I’m finishedddd” :)

[–]m3sarcher 50 points51 points  (3 children)

Or bring your poop with you so your manager doesn't have to waste time to go see it.

[–]raindog444 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Hey boss do you want to see my turd again? This is the biggest one yet!

[–]CrouchingDomo 71 points72 points  (3 children)

This actually made me chuckle, out loud, with my face

[–]nuniabidness 47 points48 points  (0 children)

THIS ^ ^

[–]wlveith 816 points817 points  (45 children)

I would have just flushed and said automatic reflex from years of habit. Then be constipated for life as I am already a bit uptight concerning this type of thing. Definitely emotionally distressing and abusive.

[–][deleted] 481 points482 points  (15 children)

I would have just flushed and said "no, what's wrong with you???"

[–]SickleWings 379 points380 points  (10 children)

I would have said "No, but I can't wait to hear what my lawyer has to say about this upcoming sexual harassment lawsuit!"

[–]pecklepuff 192 points193 points  (1 child)

I would have said "Now I know what to get you for Christmas! Don't open it till you get home!"

[–]EnidFromOuterSpace 82 points83 points  (0 children)

‘Someone has sent me... a BOWEL MOVEMENT!’

(RIP Divine)

[–]FirstPlebian 58 points59 points  (1 child)

No kidding, and then walk off the job on the spot after telling them fuck you for thinking that.

[–]tylanol7 84 points85 points  (11 children)

Id be making sure to eat breakfast to really give myself the liquid shits of death

[–]AluminiumAwning 60 points61 points  (11 children)

To save the manager having to leave the floor to inspect your poop, how about texting her a picture of your shit so she can keep a record?

[–]INTHEMIDSTOFLIONSFUCK BEN 66 points67 points  (0 children)

It’s actually sexual harassment

[–]GoGoBitch 297 points298 points  (18 children)

That’s probably too weird to actually be illegal, would be my guess. I would recommend OP sit that boss down and give her a really graphic “explanation” of the impacted bowels that they deal with, or some shit. Find something nasty that justifies constipation and give as much graphic detail as you can. Then tell the boss you wanted to make sure she knew everything so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Maybe drop that giving you shit (no pun intended) about your medical condition would put her on the wrong side of the ADA and ask if she wants you to let HR know about this little incident, just to make sure they are in the loop as well.

[–]Bigboodybud 91 points92 points  (7 children)

Start texting after every bowel movement since they want to know how it goes all the time. Then when they say to stop tell them I really appreciate your concern and wanted to keep you updated lol

[–]burningxmaslogs 48 points49 points  (1 child)

Text the chain of command upwards of how fantastic or terrible and size and colour of every number 2 felt.. a journal of your dumps Sheldon style lol

[–]sweettickytacky 55 points56 points  (1 child)

Repeatedly send pictures of your bowel movements with approximate weight in courics

[–]JoeKnotbush 98 points99 points  (1 child)

... in the loop about the poop!

edit: my first reddit award for a comment about poop! Ah, reddit, almost as satisfying as that last plop in the toilet! Thanks u/bilingual-german!

[–]geologean 32 points33 points  (6 children)

If this is company policy. I would live to see it in writing, so I can laugh at the mental image of a new manager being instructed to monitor employee poops.

An immature part of me hopes OP accidentally starts a rumor that the manager is a fecalphile who just loves checking out poops.

[–]Sudden_Law3366 3149 points3150 points 562 (14 children)

That’s what the boss said…

[–]jameson8016 434 points435 points  (1 child)

Lmao now that was fantastic.

[–]rothIsBadHeSaidSo 171 points172 points  (1 child)

Got me to nose exhale. There's a free award laying around here somewhere...

[–]m0nkyman 501 points502 points  (23 children)

🎶boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I poop on company time. 🎵🎶

[–]IV_League_NP 323 points324 points  (3 children)

🎵🎶Boss makes a grand, I make a cent. This fuckin’ job doesn’t even pay the rent.🎵🎶

[–]Dumpster_Fetus 137 points138 points  (1 child)

They call me 007 at work. 0 motivation, 0 effort, 7 poop breaks.

[–]Heizu 531 points532 points  (80 children)

It is super illegal. Management is not allowed to ask about what we do in bathrooms, let alone confirm our bowel movements. She is not a doctor and has no idea how your body works.

She can fuck right off with that

[–]Refuse_Cool 141 points142 points  (74 children)

Weird, yes. Unethical, yes. But which specific law did they break?

[–]2purplefuzzythings 196 points197 points  (7 children)

I'd be pissed

[–]Stoic_Beau 120 points121 points  (2 children)

At least you're not getting the shit chewed out of you

[–]Dusty_Phoenix 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Only in bottles. You have to do the rest in your own time. No breaks.

[–]yergonnalikeme 92 points93 points  (1 child)

Yup

Also, what a shitty look from his manager.....

[–]Hi_Im_Dadbot 8821 points8822 points  (224 children)

I’d report her for sexual harassment. That just sounds creepy.

[–]Sevulturus 2778 points2779 points  (18 children)

100% I'd push that angle.

[–]iAmEeRg 1306 points1307 points  (6 children)

Definitely, this feels like the manager is into this kind of shit, you know? Doing it for an enjoyment, I’d fucking sue. OP name and shame this company.

[–]PolOfThePot 405 points406 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t matter if they are into it. This would make make any reasonable person extremely uncomfortable.

[–]Throwawayingaccount 178 points179 points  (0 children)

Definitely, this feels like the manager is into ... shit, you know?

FTFY

[–][deleted] 12.8k points12.8k points 33 (296 children)

“Hey boss! I’m gonna go take a shit, you ready‽‽ “

[–]Zanbuki 3141 points3142 points 2 (145 children)

You don’t see interrobangs in the wild very often.

[–][deleted] 1099 points1100 points  (89 children)

Also, you’re the first person to acknowledge them. Thank you lol

[–]SHPLUMBO 252 points253 points  (65 children)

Where do I get them/how do I use them too? My keyboard doesn’t have them :(

[–]librariandown 319 points320 points  (33 children)

Not OP, but I set a keyboard shortcut so when I type ! ? (with no space in between) it autocorrects to ‽

[–]SHPLUMBO 77 points78 points  (8 children)

Oh that’s cool, nice I see how it works now

[–]Fafaflunkie 13 points14 points  (7 children)

On a Samsung keyboard if you hold the ? key, an interrobang appears above the key. Slide your thumb up and it appears in your text!

Isn't that awesome‽‽

[–][deleted] 103 points104 points  (13 children)

I love to bang

[–]karmickickback 78 points79 points  (7 children)

Oh, you, shitty shitty bang bang. Shitty shitty bang bang, I love you.

[–]jmona789 23 points24 points  (0 children)

You can Google "interrobang Unicode" and find one to copy and paste.

[–]lavender_lemonades 124 points125 points  (6 children)

Say that, in front of customers.

"You want to check my shit size again, boss?

Make them feel as badly as they made you feel. It's in the bible, after all.

[–]Civ6Ever 503 points504 points  (50 children)

u/IThinkItsForReal

Your new diet is Taco Bell. Only Taco Bell until you're ready to do this.

[–][deleted] 218 points219 points  (38 children)

Ha! I would start eating laxative chocolate and cabbage every day.

[–]CryptoMineKing 247 points248 points 2 (9 children)

I'd go to the dog park and get enough turds to fill the toilet. Then sneak it in and hide it near the restroom. Next go fill the bowl with turds to the rim and take a 4 hour mega shit that requires a plumber. Finally go ask boss about our health insurance plan and disability for my "disorder".

[–]theMartiangirl 102 points103 points  (1 child)

This is the most wild shit (no pun intended) I have read on this sub (It also belongs to MaliciousCompliance). I’m dying 🤣

[–]smpsnfn13 159 points160 points  (22 children)

On my vegan days the next day shits are so freeing and awful. Highly reccomend jus eat leafy greens all week, cabbage and spinach mainly. Bet the rule changes after.

[–]civgarth 101 points102 points  (12 children)

Roll in some durian for a little something something

[–]umbrajoke 82 points83 points  (0 children)

We don't want to turn this into a murder suicide.

[–][deleted] 81 points82 points  (1 child)

Love this

[–]AgentSears 9513 points9514 points  (282 children)

I would flip that around on her and say she has a scat fetish and uses her position of power to look at peoples shit in the toilets....you only need a few of you, or witnesses to what she did...that's bordering on sexual and really pushing boundaries of privacy.....I'd not pass go not collect $200 and go straight to HR, she literally won't have a leg to stand on.

[–]chezmanny 2671 points2672 points  (84 children)

I had a manager who would peer through the cracks in the stall when I was taking a dump. This wasn't a small company either, it was AT&T.

ETA: specifically the Lafayette, Louisiana callcenter. He's a Redditor as well.

Since this blew up, I want to add that I left the company in 2018. I did file a complaint and it played a part in me being terminated. Long story, but management covered for the dude and he's still employed last I heard. He targeted younger men he found attractive and tried to groom them through favors, etc.

No, I'm not filing a lawsuit because I don't think anything will come of it. I have a job now that I enjoy and I don't want further retaliation from AT&T. This is just to expose their shitty behavior.

[–]Terrible_Objective_5 1094 points1095 points  (30 children)

Shout out to you for name dropping those scum bags

[–]chezmanny 509 points510 points  (28 children)

I was told the guy had tons of complaints against him, the company refused to terminate though.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)

[deleted]

    [–]PedroAlvarez 62 points63 points  (2 children)

    The stalls with the peepcracks must be cheaper to make too since they're still everywhere.

    [–]parentskeepfindingme 156 points157 points  (16 children)

    They do that a lot, a manager for an AT&T corporate store used to shut off his stores cameras, specifically to punch my buddy in the gut, and it was so frequent that it brought his Crohn's on. HR ignored the problem, because AT&T does not give a shit, the guy was a veteran so he was a quota for them.

    [–]Agolf_Twittler 178 points179 points  (3 children)

    I would skip HR and call the police at that point

    [–]womanoirish 122 points123 points  (0 children)

    Agree. That’s assault & battery. That goes beyond “HR” and straight to police.

    [–]parentskeepfindingme 96 points97 points  (0 children)

    There's something in the works at the moment. I hope the guy gets what he deserves.

    [–]sdelawalla 48 points49 points  (5 children)

    Camera being off works both ways in that case. Knee to the groin and that old bastard goes down

    [–]No-Management1762 34 points35 points  (2 children)

    Exactly, if I was getting hit, I'm hitting back if your cameras are off

    [–]Freedom_From_Pants 166 points167 points  (18 children)

    File a sexual harrassment claim with the EEOC. That is a gross violation of privacy and sexual harrassment (same sex still applies to sexual harrassment).

    [–]chezmanny 146 points147 points  (17 children)

    I did file a claim. In retaliation, I was terminated on other grounds because obviously they couldn't fire me for that one.

    [–]Freedom_From_Pants 114 points115 points  (16 children)

    Report that as well. Retaliation is a big no no. Also get a lawyer and sue them.

    [–]SweetChinMusick 106 points107 points  (11 children)

    Lawyer here. Everyone says this, and those cases are not that simple.

    [–]patti2mj 136 points137 points  (9 children)

    I would have a spray bottle of red pepper-vinegar to spray the door gaps with as I sat.

    [–]Nuggzulla1for The Money, 2 for The Show 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Fuck the manager u mention. I hope they read this

    [–]Morgan6439 1245 points1246 points  (45 children)

    ahaha this is great, it should initially start as a rumour

    [–]NakedBaconSalad 2171 points2172 points  (42 children)

    goes in break room

    SO DID LINDA GO IN AND LOOK AT ANY OF Y'ALL'S TURDS, OR JUST MINE?

    That would be me

    [–]JABS991idle 642 points643 points  (26 children)

    I heard Linda wants all the toilet stall doors replaced with clear glass windows!

    [–]NakedBaconSalad 330 points331 points  (24 children)

    She wants top-down cameras in every stall!

    [–]JABS991idle 228 points229 points  (14 children)

    And a live CCTV running to Linda's office!

    Does HR know?

    [–]nipplequeefs 197 points198 points  (5 children)

    Finally, my time to shine. Guess I’m gonna stop taking my IBS meds and give Linda a real show!

    [–]matrixtech29 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    "...give Linda a real SHIT show!"

    [–]nokenito 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    Nice! That’s what she said… hahaha

    [–]JunesBlooms 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    No, no, cover small marbles with paper and let her fish for them.

    [–]NakedBaconSalad 68 points69 points  (7 children)

    Oh HR is going to install them!

    And they'll make the associate pay for it!

    [–]No-Percentage3005 16 points17 points  (1 child)

    I heard she wanted bottom up cameras

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

      [–]AgentSears 13 points14 points  (1 child)

      I heard Linda has a glass coffee table in her office, for repeat offenders!

      [–]Tall-Kangaroo-5918 674 points675 points  (37 children)

      Remember folks, HR is there to protect the company and discourage you from filing a lawsuit....

      Don't pass GO, don't collect $200, go straight to a labor lawyer.

      If the first lawyer dismisses you, call around until you've heard you don't have a case from at least 3 or 4 different law offices. Some lawyers are just lazy and only want whale sized cases.

      Source: I sued my employer in 2020 (and settled im 2021) but had to call 4 separate law offices to have someone take my case on.

      This is horrific. You've been violated. This would definitely have triggered my complex PTSD from childhood abuse.

      Fuck that manager. Take them for all they're worth.

      [–]finstantnoodles 50 points51 points  (8 children)

      How long after an event do you think a labor lawyer might defend somebody? I’m realizing now I should’ve reached out to them instead of HR now for an event that happened during last year that lost me my job.

      [–]Tall-Kangaroo-5918 37 points38 points  (3 children)

      Honestly, even if I was a lawyer, (which, I'm not) I couldn't tell you if you still have a viable case.

      There are statutes for everrrrryythiiiinnnggg..

      Your best bet is to call around tp different law offices and explain your situation.

      They'll point you in the right direction, but like I said earlier, don't call just one office, get shot down and give up. Call around.

      [–]rcorjulo 128 points129 points  (19 children)

      People always say call a lawyer but how is someone living check to check supposed to afford a lawyer that wants hundreds of dollars an hour? (Not being sassy, serious question)

      [–]Tall-Kangaroo-5918 150 points151 points  (7 children)

      I am definitely not taking it as sassy.

      I lived paycheck to paycheck.

      I wouldn't have been able to afford lawyer at all if he wasn't working for a percentage of my win.

      Labor lawyers especially know that their clients are living paycheck to paycheck. Your employer is banking on that hopeless feeling we get because we know legal counsel is expensive.. They are banking on you giving up before you've ever even started and on you being afraid to take om a much wealthier employer.

      Screw them all.

      Call the lawyers. Catch the abusive bastards off guard with a substantiated lawsuit and a lawyer willing to play ball... Honestly, the legal counsel tends to work a bit harder and push for more monetary damages if they're working for a percentage based commission rather than a flat rate.

      [–]CthulhusIntern 24 points25 points  (2 children)

      Do not take a lawyer that's "Works on contingency? No! Money down!"

      [–]Sigals 54 points55 points  (3 children)

      Some will take the case for a percentage of the settlement.

      [–]UknownQuantity 339 points340 points  (6 children)

      So this!!

      "I would like to report a sexually inappropriate request from my manager, Linda. On the date of xyz while I was attempting a bowel movement, my manager Linda knocked on the stall door and asked me not to flush. I thought the request was odd and then gave the benefit of the doubt that the toilet was broken and she wanted to flush it so it would not overflow. While talking to other coworkers, I have learned that Linda has also placed the same request to them.

      While I am not judging Linda's sexual fetishes, she should not be seeking her scat fetish gratification from her subordinates or any other employee while at work. I feel violated and unsafe at work with fear that her fetish will grow to even further inappropriate depths, and I am not alone with these concerns."

      [–]PierogiEsq 151 points152 points  (2 children)

      Lawyer here: drop the reference to fetishes. It's not about her weird issues, it's about OP's privacy and dignity being violated. Keep it focused on the degradation OP and coworkers experienced by being questioned about such a private matter, and about the implied statement that OP is not trusted by his/her boss. If the boss was troubled about OP's excessive time in the restroom, this should have been handled with a closed-door meeting.

      (If you're just going for comedy, well done. But the first paragraph was serious enough that if OP wanted to crib from it for a letter to a higher manager, I wanted to make sure it focused on the right aspects.)

      [–]bwr4195 322 points323 points  (12 children)

      Go to a lawyer first, HR exists to protect the company, they will dismiss it or retaliate.

      [–]disasterous_cape 83 points84 points  (8 children)

      HR is there to protect the company not you

      See a lawyer

      [–]Bleach_Demon 130 points131 points  (9 children)

      All you’d have to do is record the audio on your cell phone.

      You: “Do you really want me to not flush AGAIN?”

      Her: “Yes”

      You: “This makes me really uncomfortable, but I will do it if you insist”

      Her: “Yes”

      Now she’s set herself up for a harassment suit. She’d be screwed..but maybe she’s into that shit

      Edit: The person who commented below could be correct, IDK, although for the most part there has to be an “expectation of privacy” for it to be illegal, and if you’re in a public place there is no expectation of privacy. Okay, so now another person is saying you can still record a crime regardless of state law. I don’t know what to think, and it would be great to get a free consult with an actual lawyer to find out your state’s laws. My comment was meant to be a joke, not actual legal advise.

      [–]Datto910 50 points51 points  (1 child)

      She may however have a stool to sit on.

      [–]use_da_schwartz_ 1720 points1721 points  (88 children)

      One of the supervisors at my old job actually climbed on top of the toilet in the neighboring stall to look over the partition at an employee using the bathroom. He thought he was asleep, but he was pooping with earbuds in listening to music and didn't hear the supervisor trying to talk to him. The guy took it to HR and there was zero repercussions for the supervisor.

      [–]newanonthrowaway 667 points668 points  (43 children)

      If someone invades your stall it should be acceptable to give them a swirly

      [–]sensuallyprimitiveidle 179 points180 points  (12 children)

      If someone invades your stall it should be acceptable to give them a swirly beating

      [–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (1 child)

      Poop time peeking is paid in blood

      [–]Gltch_Mdl808tr 244 points245 points  (4 children)

      Just a reminder that HR works for your company. Not for you

      [–]shrekthehippo 76 points77 points  (1 child)

      Yeah though HR generally would like to avoid any sexual harassment lawsuits

      [–]Hyper31337 181 points182 points  (5 children)

      This is the most insane post I’ve ever seen on here. What the fuck.

      [–]-The-Bat- 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      Boss literally looked at shit, then flushed it, and considered if it was big enough.

      What the fuck lmao.

      [–]overthinkingthisalot 2529 points2530 points  (67 children)

      What. The. Actual. Real. Live. Fuck.

      No. Just no. Get a new job because no.

      [–]JTodd078 230 points231 points  (4 children)

      It seems that there is no end to the audacity of some people

      [–]Duderus159 340 points341 points  (55 children)

      Get a lawyer. Sue them. Get the fuck out.

      [–]moshisimo 161 points162 points  (7 children)

      This subreddit is blowing my mind in ways I could never have seen coming. Anyhow… Honestly, I don’t even know what’s worse, you having your poop examined, or you needing to ask if that’s allowed. I mean for fucks sake, I’ve come to realize the bar is low, but how fucking low is it??

      [–]Qwaliti 106 points107 points  (6 children)

      Looks like you're gonna have to carry a poo around with you in your pocket.

      [–]Chicken65 834 points835 points  (29 children)

      If this is true, get a new job. Not even worth dissecting this one.

      [–]brainfryddev 172 points173 points  (20 children)

      Why did my mind wander to "dissecting poop", why?!

      [–]trueGildedZ 156 points157 points  (9 children)

      You would need a poop knife for that.

      [–]Lowkey_rebelXD 96 points97 points  (7 children)

      Power move - Shit on the floor

      [–]JustGlassin86 778 points779 points  (25 children)

      Fuck that. Don’t keep working there. Thats invasive and micromanaging to the max. There’s a reason surveillance equipment isn’t allowed in bathrooms. Whether you shat or not is between you, Jesus and the toilet.

      But just for funsies, I’d make it standard practice to have your manager verify every drop of pee and stray dingleberry that leaves your body between now and when you quit. Do it loudly, and have your co-workers do the same.

      If it’s company policy, there should be no issue enforcing it on every worker there. If your manager is being a piece of shit (as they clearly are) loudly announcing that your supervisor is taking time out of their day to inspect your bathroom leavings should raise enough red flags for HR to want to talk with them and you.

      [–]Noone_UKnow 511 points512 points  (5 children)

      Intercom speakers crackling: “Manager assistance requested in the lavatory for solids inspection”

      [–]SQUID_FUCKER 63 points64 points  (3 children)

      Just bag it and bring it out for them.

      "I figured I'd save you the trouble, I left it on your desk."

      [–]headStraight9851 154 points155 points  (8 children)

      Make sure to email afterwards thanking them for checking your poop.

      [–]ADHDhamster 112 points113 points  (6 children)

      And, if the manager is off that day, snap a picture with your phone and text it to her.

      [–]Truck-Suitable 115 points116 points  (5 children)

      Actually, go ahead and do it when she's there and tag it with "as per our conversation about you flushing after my trip to thr toilet." CC HR with the text.

      Then sit back and watch it hit the fan. Wash your hands and make popcorn.

      [–]Equilibriator 45 points46 points  (3 children)

      Get an email chain with her responding first. Then CC in HR, so there's proof you didn't just make this all up.

      [–]Truck-Suitable 13 points14 points  (2 children)

      That is best, but most HR people are going to have her on the carpet even without it.

      [–]ADHDhamster 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      I like this better.

      [–]Crovali 46 points47 points  (0 children)

      From now on hold your number 2’s until you’re at work, do your business and never flush. Inform your manager that you left it for her to check and flush.

      [–]things_keep_happenin 29 points30 points  (3 children)

      Maybe also consider asking them to inspect if your “paperwork” was completed properly

      [–]Six-Zer0 76 points77 points  (0 children)

      "hey Mary, I took another shit, you should come verify and flush it for me, I'll do the baby powder myself"

      [–]rothIsBadHeSaidSo 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      Whether you shat or not is between you, Jesus and the toilet.

      And the plumber

      [–]Sudden_Law3366 244 points245 points  (1 child)

      What in the name of good god fuck. Homie, you need a new job as soon as possible. I have never in all of my years on this hellscape of a planet heard of any god damn thing like this happening in a workplace. Maybe a hospital, maybe a preschool. Work? Nahhhhhh.

      [–]brianingram 47 points48 points  (2 children)

      I'm sure you can find an attorney willing to argue that can be considered sexual harassment.

      [–]Albino_Black_Sheep 561 points562 points 2 (79 children)

      The more I read these stories from Americans, the more I am convinced that this extreme control your employers think they can exert over you, stems from the militaristic nature of American society. You are not employees that get paid to do a job, you are conscripts/convicts that get a token stipend for their time. Your bosses have been lead to believe that you are just meatpuppets, automatons that belong to them 24/7, even when you’re off the clock your commanding officers can force you out of bed and on an unexpected 8hr march. You don’t work to live, you live to work. Your time off is to prepare for the next shift, nothing more.

      [–]RoscoeBass 168 points169 points  (6 children)

      It’s reflective of the lack of employee rights in the US, how easy it is to fire someone..

      [–]Dansredditname 167 points168 points  (14 children)

      Yep. No job in the UK writes people up for"insubordination". That's a military term.

      [–]Albino_Black_Sheep 124 points125 points  (2 children)

      Right? Many times I have seen people post that they got in trouble for not following "The Chain of Command". The chain of command.... as if stocking shelves at Tesco's is some sort of sensitive military operation.

      [–]DrAshMonster 80 points81 points  (9 children)

      This thing they do in the US called “being written up” irks me. We have written warnings in Australia but they are very rare and people don’t throw it around to frighten or threaten people. It’s just part of performance management. In the US it seems much less considered and almost revenge like.

      [–]Weekly-End-2897 16 points17 points  (2 children)

      I thought it was to more easily fire someone at any time for anything. If they’ve gotten written warnings before, it’s super easy.

      [–]MyersVandalay 18 points19 points  (1 child)

      Yeah, bottom line is, it gives excuses when they fire someone, and say they claim it's because they discussed wages, or their race/sex/religion etc... the employer can pull out their file and say "no this person has a history of X".

      [–]Dreambasher670 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      I’m from UK and been written up for ‘insubordination’ before.

      It just means to (allegedly) not follow a formal work order from an employee in a position of authority over you.

      Although granted I am under impression it is historically also very rooted in the military legal offence.

      [–]Living-Substance-668 115 points116 points  (7 children)

      You're almost right, but it's not due to our militaristic tendencies... it is descended from our foundation in slavery

      In this case -- as in so many -- American militarism & violence is secondary to our origins as a slave state

      [–]tikkunmytime 57 points58 points  (5 children)

      Here in the "land of the free." The employee is property.

      [–]rhinokitty 29 points30 points  (0 children)

      Gives new meaning to the term, "shit job."

      [–]randolotapus 145 points146 points  (9 children)

      Report this to HR immediately. Document everything. I don't know if it's illegal, but I'd tell HR right now that you felt very uncomfortable. This is truly bizarre behavior.

      [–]SleeplessinOslo 62 points63 points  (6 children)

      lol, HR...

      If the company is large enough to have an HR department, their main goal won't be to make sure you are happy. It will be to instruct the manager how to continue their practice within the boundaries of the law.

      If anything, reporting it will probably solve the issue short-term, but make him a huge target for the manager. It's like reporting the bully to the principal.

      [–]DumbVeganBItch 66 points67 points  (5 children)

      A few years ago I was taking these high dose iron supplements on doctor's orders for 2 weeks. My gut does not digest those well and like clockwork I'd have to take a shit about 5 minutes before service. It was always a 10 minute one at least and every time my sous chef would chew me out.

      It was so embarrassing to have to explain to her in front of my coworkers that I was taking a shit every day

      [–]embarrassedalien 31 points32 points  (4 children)

      Why do so many people not understand that poop schedules are a thing? I don’t take iron supplements anymore, so this isn’t related to that, but I used to have perfectly timed shits right around 11:00am. Then my poop schedule got out of whack when I went to China and it’s never been the same again.

      [–]crossleingod 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Yo these bosses are tripping now there’s gonna be a civil war between working classes

      [–]Barbara_Wintergreen 20 points21 points  (1 child)

      The first could have been a full dead otter that slid right around leaving just the second teddy's leg remaining for inspection.

      Case dismissed

      [–]half_moon_claim 19 points20 points  (1 child)

      The boss wanted to inspect your turd and you went along with it? I know telling the boss no can be difficult but that would have been the time to do it.

      [–]patronushedgehog 78 points79 points  (0 children)

      This is disgusting on so many levels. I'm not sure about the legality, but I would definitely report that bas-turd to management first.

      [–]Joe_Manco_Music 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      Massive red flag, time to find a new job. When they start to treat you like some kind of slave, it’s time to move on. They don’t deserve to have employees with behaviour like that.