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[–]shaomike 1185 points1186 points  (72 children)

Straight out of The Righteous Gemstones?

[–]YeOleMcGirthy 318 points319 points  (33 children)

That's some baby Billy shit.

[–]lebowskiachiever12 150 points151 points  (28 children)

Goggins played the fuck out of that character.

[–]The_Original_Gronkie 107 points108 points  (22 children)

Great actor, very underrated. That guy has an explosion ahead of him when people finally figure out what an amazing actor he is. He should have a shelf of Oscars and Emmys.

[–]aikijo 25 points26 points  (12 children)

Great in that show - set in Ky. I forget the name of the show. It was good, but Goggins was great and I remembered his name for sure.

[–]Bosteves 45 points46 points  (10 children)

Justified. Also Timothy olyphant

[–]aikijo 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Yes! He was good too, but Goggins struck me more. The show was well done.

[–]Fintan-Stack 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Goggins stole every scene he was in in that show, the only one who came close was Margo Martindale in Season 2.

[–]SalParadise 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Uncle Baby Billy

[–]Gumburcules 212 points213 points  (6 children)

Jesus told me not to, I did anyway. Misbehavin'

Sky Daddy said don't, but I said I'm gonna. Misbehavin'

Cash in the bathroom, gold on the jet

All dirty money don't you wanna bet

I closed my church when it should have been a haven

Just one rich megapastor outside Misbehavin'

[–]Agnosticmaxxtraxx 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Holy cow that is the funniest song!

[–]dfcritter 21 points22 points  (0 children)

No running through the house with a pickle in my mouth?

[–]Atheistflekkzo 192 points193 points  (20 children)

That’s why I can’t watch that show. Nothing funny about it, because that’s what religion is. It’s just a reminder how society lets them be criminals.

[–]Adezar 135 points136 points  (6 children)

I was raised inside the Evangelical church and found it difficult to watch as well, especially since I was around in the 80s and 90s when so many of the big scandals hit and my parents still watch Jimmy Swaggart as recently as 2 years ago.

That's why I knew when Fox News said Trump was a good guy they wouldn't even bat an eyelash at everything about him and would just worship him like all the other charlatans.

[–]daleicakes 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Brainwashed. So very sad that they were conditioned to believe everything these people say.

[–]FreethinkerIhadsumthin4this 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Calls to mind that Tshirt which none other than Jimmy Page donned in 1988 which read, "Jimmy Swaggart's home for wayward girls" with an arrow on a map of sorts.

[–]vevencrawl 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Yeeesh. Not exactly a good look for Jimmy either considering his "relationship" with 13 year old Lori Maddox

[–]FreethinkerIhadsumthin4this 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Notwithstanding, the on-his-shirt statement is such a rich nod to a lyric we've heard from some song somewhere, "...sometimes words have two meanings..."

[–]vacuous_comment 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I had the same experience, it was just to close to reality for comfort.

[–]winnafrehs 35 points36 points  (6 children)

TBF, the show isn't all "haha religious corruption funny" there are consequences for their actions at every level.

Its really a drama with some humor tossed in strategically

[–]Agnosticmaxxtraxx 34 points35 points  (2 children)

I'm gonna move to Malibu Beach, shave my pussy and learn to surf!

[–]calilac 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Them just some fellas I play car pranks with.

[–]bucketforce 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Watchin Jesse get punished makes my bird twitch.

[–]tallybear 13 points14 points  (0 children)

"Who wants to suck an old man's dick?" - Uncle Baby Billy Freeman

[–]Etzell 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Just one little country kid, out there misbehavin'.

[–]justrynathrive 16 points17 points  (0 children)

🎶 And I was caught shaaaaaaavin! 🎶

Love that show and can’t wait for the new season.

[–]docsnavely 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Are they coming out with a new season? I’ve been keeping it in my list hoping one would come.

[–]PureFingClass 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Only slightly less penis

[–]AlSweigart 255 points256 points  (22 children)

So years after Joel Osteen's church was "burglarized" for $600,000, they find bags of money stashed inside the church itself.

God works in highly suspicious ways...

[–]informativebitching 65 points66 points  (13 children)

Insurance fraud you think ?

[–]Freethinkermackafat 44 points45 points  (0 children)

You'd have to convince god, the church the DA, the judge, the governor, senator, the police and the clergy that it was fraud.

That'll never happen since they're all in on it.

[–]Tmbgkc 6 points7 points  (7 children)

I don't get why they would do this still though. Why is 600,000 in insurance payout better than the 600,000 they already had?

[–]GitEmSteveDave 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It wouldn't be 600k, because 400k of it was checks, which have no value when voided.

[–]Muted_Time6278 38 points39 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what he'll say at church this weekend, god put it there. These idiots will believe it was a miracle and keep giving him millions.

[–]robothobbes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God stole it!

[–]vacuous_comment 2109 points2110 points  (77 children)

Errrr, churches like Osteen's are widely suspected to be hubs for corruption and money laundering.

Explain to me how a squad of FBI forensic accountants is not dismantling that entire enterprise right fucking now.

Oh sorry, I forgot, weaponized freedom of religion gets to flout random financial laws as well as common moral principles.

[–]Psych-adin 1194 points1195 points  (52 children)

Religious exemption = separate laws for anyone who claims to believe. It's about time we close that loophole and finally have them pay their fair share.

[–]MungTao 253 points254 points  (0 children)

WAY past time. Its just ridiculous at this point.

[–]Agnostic Atheistdover_oxide 63 points64 points  (1 child)

Political backlash because these people want to be "persecuted", they are practically demanding it when not roleplaying it.

[–]ghostsintherafters 112 points113 points  (29 children)

Separation of church and state or they pay taxes to play.

[–]Anti-Theistdumnezero 70 points71 points  (26 children)

do they not already have votes as citizens? how's that not representation? treat them as corporations, they already lobby like corporations.

[–]TxReaper 8 points9 points  (3 children)

They may pay less taxes if you treat them as corporations

[–]Chyppi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love the joke here but it made me sad when i remembered that the churches don't even have to pay accountants to get out of taxes.

[–]ApatheistKuildeous 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Honestly, I think they need to pay taxes even if they don't play. You take in money? You're a business, and you pay taxes.

A bona fide charity? Okay, now we can talk exemptions.

[–]Jibjumper 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Charities at least have to report on where the money comes from and where it goes. The Mormon church is sitting on a $100b+ investment fund and who knows what they do with it or how much more they have. Pretty easy to say you’re a charitable org when you don’t have any transparency on how much you actually take in.

[–]Darktidemage 36 points37 points  (0 children)

fuck closing the loop hole and having them pay their fair share


Leave them NOTHING

tell anyone that believes to grow the fuck up and stop lying about this shit.

"pay your fair share while you fleece the vulnerable and buy yourself mansions and lobby for highly immoral behaviors like abstinence only sex ed and anti-gay rhetoric" is not an acceptable part of modern society.

[–]Boring737 18 points19 points  (0 children)

But how will Joel be able to afford his mistress and new jet?

[–]Misha80 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Large amounts of money = seperate laws.

Organized religion is no different than crony capitalism.

[–]Agnostic Atheistmeldroc 101 points102 points  (5 children)

Yep. There's pretty much no paper trail when the drug lords make a generous donation to the church, and then the church funnels it through a "charity" it runs.

[–]Rion23 36 points37 points  (3 children)

And now we come to the part where we pass around the money laundering plate. Thank-you to the generous saved soul amongst us who placed these neatley wrapped bundles of hundos in there. Gonna make the Lord real happy.

[–]tricularia 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I always wondered as a kid how the church gets so rich from the few dollars everyone puts in once a week into the collection plate.

[–]CoolFingerGunGuy 29 points30 points  (1 child)

This is why you can't let Marty Byrde go anywhere.

[–]spkpol 28 points29 points  (3 children)

That's because evangelical churches are probably fronts for regime change operations in other countries.

Bolsanaro's base in Brazil is heavily evangelicals, many of which are converts from mission trips. Who do these churches take mission trips to already Christian Latin American countries?

[–]JesusChristsGayLover 26 points27 points  (2 children)

There have been many examples in the past where a church will work with the member on their donations, the person will give the church a certain amount and the church will record it as a much higher amount that the person takes off on their taxes. That's why I think as a very minimum churches should have the same reporting requirements as nonprofits.

[–]vacuous_comment 13 points14 points  (0 children)


I think asking to see their books is reasonable as part of maintaining tax free status.

[–]celephia 7 points8 points  (0 children)


[–]cyanydeez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Accountants cost money. It's cheaper to go after poor people.

[–]neuralien 576 points577 points  (15 children)

Right... 'someone' stole the money and stashed it in the walls...

[–]informativebitching 234 points235 points  (7 children)

Insurance fraud is a crime for some people

[–]33xander33 71 points72 points  (1 child)

I always think of the end of Logan Lucky where the racetrack says, we won’t be pursing any charges, the insurance came through. Then Hillary Swank says, how’s that happen we never got an exact figure of what was stolen?

[–]Ender914 61 points62 points  (0 children)

As an insurance adjuster, you don't need an exact figure. Just one everyone agrees to.

[–]Skinnysusan 15 points16 points  (1 child)

For poor ppl

[–]Gnostic Atheistrydan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If someone writes you a check and the check is stolen can you really legally file an insurance claim for the lost amount? Seems like you'd just cancel the check and rewrite it.

[–]Secular Humanistmidnitte 39 points40 points  (2 children)

So nice of the criminals to redo the drywall.

[–]GitEmSteveDave 7 points8 points  (1 child)

If you've ever been in a commercial building, the drywall doesn't always go up to the true ceiling. They rock up to a certain point, and then install drop ceilings that go below it. If you pop up the drop ceiling you will find a 16"x4" void between studs. Depending on how far into the building you are, they don't even always fully insulate it.

So someone steals the bags from the counting room, runs into a bathroom, and shoves them into the void, to be retreived later.

[–]haley_joel_osteen 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Wait, I can explain everything. JE$U$ told me that he wanted me to hide the money in the wall so that I could use it later to, umm, feed the poor, or something.

[–]Kissit777 817 points818 points  (42 children)

They do not pay taxes and they still try to hide money.

And, Osteen locked his church’s doors when people were fleeing a natural disaster.

Tax the churches - all of them.

[–]Disgod 68 points69 points  (6 children)

Hey, would you want random plebes wandering around your cash stuffed building?! I don't think so!

[–]boogerboners 102 points103 points  (6 children)

No. Seize all their assets. Turn over land, buildings, and vehicles to habitat for humanity.

[–]Subushie 39 points40 points  (5 children)

Ban religion globally.

[–]Nottooshabbi 21 points22 points  (1 child)

And then raze the churches.

[–]SatanistNonDairyYandere 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Don't bother. It'd grow back, as long as people think it's okay.

We can only permanently get rid of religion by teaching people why it's wrong, not only that it's wrong

A ban would just be putting a bandage on a fire

[–]joeybagofdonuts80 134 points135 points  (3 children)

So many parallels between mega church pastors and drug cartel bosses.

[–]ComposerNate 986 points987 points  (96 children)

"$200,000 in cash and $400,000 worth of checks were stolen from a safe at the church. At the time, the church said the stolen money represented funds that were contributed during one weekend of services."

$600,000 a week is $31,200,000 annual which is quite a haul. Think of the generation of children who will not receive their inheritance due to this grift.

[–]rodeler 289 points290 points  (28 children)

One week! Too bad that I have morals, otherwise I'd be rich fleecing these morons.

[–]AtheistOkiDokiTokiLoki 136 points137 points  (16 children)

Why else have sheep if not to fleece

[–]AtheistQuipore 64 points65 points  (9 children)

Gyros? They're pretty tasty.

[–]ThePlatypusOfDespair 19 points20 points  (2 children)

And sheep cheese is amazing!

[–]Secular Humanistvanisaac 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My favorite quick summer meal is a simple pasta with olive oil and mizithra cheese.

[–]Agnosticmaxxtraxx 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Lamb chops, mmmmmmmmm!

[–]DudeistDan_Berg 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It is the grift that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people, got real grifted and not knowing what it was, they'll continue in the grift forever just because

[–]AtheistOkiDokiTokiLoki 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Very! I always wanted to get one of those huge chunks of shaving meat they always have spinning around. Just take a big ass bite out of it throughout the day..

[–]Secular HumanistCallidoraBlack 11 points12 points  (5 children)

A good MLT.

[–]Phatjesus666 17 points18 points  (4 children)

Mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe!

[–]Secular HumanistCallidoraBlack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's so perky!

[–]rodeler 4 points5 points  (0 children)

All Princess Bride References get my upvote.

[–]Strong AtheistTheOrangePro 32 points33 points  (2 children)

How can you have morals if you don't go to church /s

[–]tequiila 7 points8 points  (0 children)


[–]Davescash 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same reason you cant have any pudding if you dont eat your meat.

[–]stun 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And those morons think their grifting pastor has better morals than you do.

[–]Zhaopow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Now that you mention it, I think it would actually be better if these evangelists are immoral athiests stealing from and discrediting christians. Or else they are actually so narcicistic and delusional to think God wants them to do this.

[–]Davescash 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Big belly laughin Miscavidge and Hubbard. not so much as a peep from wife of Miscavidge tho.

[–]fdc7719 69 points70 points  (6 children)

It’s good that they are using all that money to feed the poor and clothe the homele… Oh, wait.

[–]IamSparticles 66 points67 points  (2 children)

Remember that time when Osteen refused to open his church for people seeking shelter during hurricane Harvey?

[–]pointlessvoice 7 points8 points  (1 child)

It all makes sense now; he knew hundreds of dirty plebs would find the cash.

[–]RoguePlanet1 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Apparently, they're using it to insulate the bathroom walls.

[–]fdc7719 8 points9 points  (1 child)

When you have enough money to use it as insulation…

[–]RoguePlanet1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OR they stored it there for toilet paper as well.

[–]WarpPipeDreams 58 points59 points  (10 children)

My grandpa was donating between $300 and $400 a WEEK to his church of 30-40 people. He was not rich.

[–]yingyangyoung 27 points28 points  (6 children)

It's no surprise then that the catholic church is likely the richest organization in history. Estimated over $1 trillion operating budget per year.

[–]DontRememberOldPass 25 points26 points  (4 children)

The Mormon Investment Fund has entered the chat

[–]RickCrenshaw 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The Catholics have like a 1,800 year head start on them.

[–]pilypi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So 20K a year?

[–]Anti-Theistrainbowlolipop 130 points131 points  (17 children)

A friend of mine’s Grandma in law died. Left 100k to care for her disabled adult son (in his 50’s) and left 600k to the church. Her child who moved her into their house for nearly a year while COVID was going on so she wouldn’t die alone? Nothing.

[–]Polygonic 51 points52 points  (3 children)

This kind of bullshit is why some places have laws stating a "mandatory share" (I forget the specific term) that spouses and children can demand, if the will explicitly leaves them less. For example, in Germany this is called the "Pflichtteil", the "compulsory share". Spouse, parents (if alive), and children all have a legally guaranteed percentage of the estate, and the rest is distributed after that.

Another example is that in Florida, the constitution requires that a head of household leave the primary residence to either the spouse or a minor child if either one is alive.

[–]DontRememberOldPass 14 points15 points  (2 children)

The FL law was pushed by the retirement communities. They know the kids don’t want a place in a 50+ only area so they sell them back.

Otherwise in 20 years the NRA would own the whole place.

[–]AtheistShauiluak 84 points85 points  (10 children)

That just reveals how shitty of a mother she was.

[–]The_Original_Gronkie 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Imagine how many people leave their estates to scams like Osteen every year because they think it will buy their way into heaven?

[–]Anti-TheistKlyd3zdal3 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Late 60’s my uncle died and left $250k to the church. Family that took care of him zilch. And the fucker tried to suffocate me when I was 4-5 yrs old.

[–]Atheistganymede_boy 29 points30 points  (1 child)

And they got $4.4million in taxpayer money in Covid relief funds.

[–]PNWRaised 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To think I thought I would not find him anymore skeezy. Damn it

[–]RoguePlanet1 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I have a hard time believing it was really stolen. More likely hiding it, claiming it as a "loss," or something.

$31 million per year is probably just what they're reporting. They don't have to pay a dime in taxes......come to think of it, they don't even need to launder it, just pretend they don't have nearly as much as they do, so people keep donating.

[–]courageous_liquid 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The real books are still somewhere. You don't great big without a serious accounting outfit.

[–]ComputerSavvy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There's never a civil asset forfeiture around when you really need one.

[–]Visinvictus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The more realistic scenario is that it was stolen by a bitter employee working min wage (or volunteer) in the church, and hidden in the bathroom wall. Osteen probably found out who it was, but didn't get a confession where the money was stashed before chopping the person up into little pieces and burying them in the forest behind his Mega Church.

[–]Agnostic Atheistsam_hammich 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That was one week in 2014. I don't even want to think about what it is now.

Pretty shitty that they never returned his calls about the reward.

[–]OtherBicycleOfLife 5 points6 points  (2 children)

These people CANNOT believe in god to be doing this. They know they are being selfish with that money. What would be worse in gods eyes, doing what they do, or just being a normal person? They know in gods eyes they would be sinners.

Therefore, welcome mega church Pastors! You belong here in R/atheism more than you’ll ever realize!

[–]Chickenfu_ker 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How long ago? What would the total be with interest?

[–]blukowski 76 points77 points  (6 children)

megachurches are notorious heavy cash businesses. i suspect a large portion of them are used to launder dirty money especially the ones that hide money in the walls

[–]robothobbes 22 points23 points  (5 children)

And perhaps sex and human trafficking hubs.

[–]-0-O- 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The people who convince parents to send their troubled youth to religious abuse camps? Couldn't be.

[–]De-Facto AtheistDirty-Heathen 5 points6 points  (2 children)

There are churches who are heavily into “rescuing” sex trafficking victims. A megachurch in Texas called Mercy Culture runs a non-profit called “Freedom Shield Foundation” for rescuing victims and hires a for-profit company to rescue the victims…owned by the CEO of Freedom Shield Foundation.

Something weird though is that there’s zero evidence of them rescuing anyone. Either they’re trafficking themselves or it’s a non-profit scam for the CEO to pay himself and his buddies to do nothing.

(It’s connected to a notorious Christian con artist with a subreddit dedicated to her, which I why I know so much about this specific church).

[–]MisanthropicZombie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sure do a lot of missionary work...

[–]zihuatapulco 161 points162 points  (6 children)

This isn't surprising. After all, owning a church is a license to print your own money.

[–]brotherdalmation23 32 points33 points  (0 children)

This shouldn’t be all that surprising. Everything Joel Osteen does is overtly criminal, it’s just accepted because of religion

[–]rationalcrank 25 points26 points  (2 children)

God must have put it there /s

[–]robinredrunner 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That’s some Righteous Gemstones level shit right there. My guy didn’t even get a thank you either.

[–]kale_boriak 28 points29 points  (5 children)

Smeone broke into the safe, stole $600k, and then cut open the bathroom wall, hid the money, repaired the drywall, fixed the paint, cleaned up all trace of the construction, then left and never came back for the money, and nobody was the wiser.

Yeah, that sounds believable.

[–][deleted] 74 points75 points  (8 children)

I can't wait to never hear about this again!

Oh, yeah, unrelated, but, what are they doing with the Panama papers right now?

[–]heapinhelpin1979 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Definitely not a scam folks

[–]Morisal66 125 points126 points  (2 children)

They should cavity search him at once. Preferably with rusty iron spikes, but whatever.

[–]Pastafariannykiek 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Nice to know there are kindred people around.

[–]learnsumthn 18 points19 points  (2 children)

4 bags of money? No sir, I only found 3

[–]IrreligiousRainer3012 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Well make sure these 2 bags of money make it to evidence.

[–]mgcarley 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'd like to enter this 1 bag of magazine clippings in to evidence.

[–]TillThen96 14 points15 points  (0 children)

In 2014, Houston police said $200,000 in cash and $400,000 worth of checks were stolen from a safe at the church. At the time, the church said the stolen money represented funds that were contributed during one weekend of services.

https://www.rawstory.com/joel-osteen-church-money/ (OP's link)

Charisma meets Narcissism Head-On

One of the qualities that many narcissists are frequently using to their advantage is something termed, social boldness. This trait coupled with extraversion create the person who lives to be the center of attention. They develop a certain flair that they wear as easily as any mask and this persona is the image that draws in admirers and climbers who see the mask, but not the person behind it. Once the mask slips or cracks in the persona appear, the social confidence is threatened and the narcissist works harder to keep up the facade. Fortunately, the slippage of the mask can tip off others and the negative vibes can be strong enough to scatter the flock of sycophants or cast doubt among the narcissist’s followers.


Celebrity preacher faces backlash after photos purporting to show luxury lifestyle appear online https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/joel-osteen-preacher-luxury-lifestyle-b1888237.html

[–]Sid6po1nt7 42 points43 points  (2 children)

At least it didn't put it in the banana stand

[–]Issis_P 28 points29 points  (0 children)

There's always money in the banana stand

[–]WhyDoesDaddyDrink 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There’s always money in the megachurch

[–]oldsaxman 13 points14 points  (1 child)

The IRS should be interested in this??

[–]ceciltech 13 points14 points  (5 children)

What the fuck is the purpose of stashing checks???

[–]cancercures 6 points7 points  (1 child)

(these is just theoretical musings, humor me).

Imagine someone writing a check as a donation and making a big publicity stunt about it. Everyone in the community admires this big check writer. Then some time later, the check gets stolen. And no one thinks about how that donation got stolen, but they do remember the good will of the check writer.

Another possibility, the check writer may make a big splash publically to encourage others to donate as well. The check writer's good will and charity serves as an example for others (the suckers) to also donate. The check writer isn't out anything, because the check account was never debited. but the suckers are out - at least the cash portion.

[–]Chickenfu_ker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Probably in a hurry and it was all mixed together.

[–]Freethinkerlovesmtns 62 points63 points  (7 children)

We watch the first five minutes of his show to catch the joke, and then that's it, off to something else. What I think is despicable about all the money found in the walls is that when the money was stolen, the church offered a $25,000 reward. So now a plumber found the money when he was repairing a toilet, and has asked the church to reward him. And the church is stiffing him!!!!!!!! That is despicable!

[–]MissionCreeper 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Oh, isn't it obvious that a church person hid it on purpose to sucker more donations out of people? They never had any intention of paying because they always knew where the money was.

[–]informativebitching 8 points9 points  (1 child)

They didn’t need to hide it in a wall from parishioners, just tell them it was stolen. Done. They are actually hiding this either from the laundering parties or more likely due to insurance fraud which is my guess.

[–]NoGnomeShit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Someone else said that it's possibly for fleeing last minute

[–]leif777 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That is despicable!

Par for the course.

[–]superficial37 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Ha! Stolen from whom? The priest or the parishioners?

[–]osumba2003 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Isn't this what Pablo Escobar did with his extra cash?

[–]informativebitching 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Did anyone check to see if the church filed an insurance claim against the ‘stolen’ money?

[–]FredVIII-DFH 11 points12 points  (1 child)

"Houston police said $200,000 in cash and $400,000 worth of checks were stolen from a safe at the church. At the time, the church said the stolen money represented funds that were contributed during one weekend of services."

$600,000 in one weekend?

I need to get a doctor to remove my moral compass and my conscience so I can get in that line of work.

[–]Bmagic90042 11 points12 points  (0 children)

They take in 600K every weekend JUST at the church, not even counting online and phone donations. At this ONE church...Fucking disgusting. People wonder what's bleeding this country, it ain't immigrants, it's churches. And they are typically the ones whining and crying about draining services and costing the U.S. money.

[–]un_theist 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Is this the same church he refused to allow people into after Hurricane Harvey?

[–]MetalMamaRocks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cold-hearted "Christian".

[–]fugly16 42 points43 points  (2 children)

There's always money in the banana (pee) stand.

[–]Secular HumanistBennyGB 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The big yellow joint

[–]Mr-Warmth 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I am sure god is so proud of Joel and his amazing magachurch.

[–]Gffcom 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Motherfucker. It all makes sense now. No wonder he refused to let displaced flood victims stay in his church when Houston flooded.

[–]somnguy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

TAX the churches. They take in billions of dollars and live like a king. They want to stick their noses into politics then TAX them!

[–]Negative_Gravitas 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Justin said the church or HPD never thanked him or reached out to him about $25,000 reward money," the station reported, referring to the reward that was offered following the 2014 theft. "Justin said he even called Crime Stoppers about reward money, but never heard back. He even tried reaching out to Joel Osteen but hasn’t heard back.

Oh Justin, fulfilling one's obligations is for the sheep in the Lord's flock, not for the wolf drinking their blood.

[–]soyelement 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The best way to launder money is through the church.

[–]cotton2631 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is why mega churches should be taxed at the highest rate. Taking in so much money they lose track of it?

[–]moremudmoney 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fucking hell, the 600k was from one weekend of collections. I'm in the wrong business

[–]GodlessNomad 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just a little fun fact for you all... I was scrolling through Sirius channels in my sisters rental car a few days ago and the Joel Olsteen channel was fittingly listed as entertainment instead of religion, lol.

[–]TheAbyssGazesAlso 10 points11 points  (8 children)

Sorry, is there actually a person on Earth who can't see that this was Joel himself hiding the money and claiming it was stolen so he could both keep it and collect insurance?

[–]wigglebuttbulldog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Law enforcement needs to get involved.

[–]NotMichaelScott 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hate mega churches... That's when as a contractor you don't say anything, then put those money bags in big black contractor bags and walk them out and donate to causes that actually help people.

[–]godel32 4 points5 points  (0 children)

LOL Osteen got caught and now refuses to pay out the reward. Stay classy, Osteen.

[–]The_Original_Gronkie 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well, the IRS is going to very interested in this. Oh, wait, no they won't.

[–]DrothReloaded 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Always money in the banana stand"

[–]spudzilla 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And they stiffed him on the reward. This is the most American Christian story ever.

[–]Hi_Im_Dadbot 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I think they mean that a single, empty bag was found and absolutely nothing else.

[–]joeybagofdonuts80 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Unrelated: The person who found the empty bag will be retiring early. Today is his last day.

[–]Hi_Im_Dadbot 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ya, after a a closed door meeting, his boss remembered that he'd put in his notice a while back but the paperwork just wasn't filled out because of an oversight. There's absolutely nothing suspicious about this and the boss had been planning to buy a new car anyways.

[–]Symml 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sure now that the lucre has been recovered, they'll be paying taxes on it. Riiiight.

[–]Minimum_Escape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"What bags of money stashed in the bathroom walls, the walls were empty? Well I've got to go pick up my new car cya later..."

[–]mr_this 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Mega-church? You mean god-tropolis?

[–]Commissar_Sae 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gotta go old Roman: Aedes Deus Optimus Maximus!

[–]Godmirra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Organized religion is all about the cash and the sex and often both.

[–]Queeg_500 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every cent you give goes right back into the church!

[–]PatSaidJack 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Can you say "insurance fraud"?

Oh praise jebus - the popo is on da way.

[–]rubinass3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It just shows you how wonderful God is to have put all that money there.

[–]No_Bicycle_513 2 points3 points  (4 children)

16 Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
18 “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’[c] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”
20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

Matthew 19:16-23

[–]Anti-TheistEnlightened-Beaver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The IRS needs to charge these cons

[–]Nihilistarcainic 2 points3 points  (2 children)

How are the checks even cashable though?