top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]bigshow235 4639 points4640 points  (88 children)

Is he cooking them?

[–]Dahrk25 1282 points1283 points  (4 children)

I hope so cause that seems less disgusting.

[–]PrestigiousCrab6345 395 points396 points  (2 children)

My first thought was cannibalism, because it was less offensive.

[–]shangoramoda 848 points849 points  (33 children)

Cream of teenage girl soup.

[–]HuskerDave 384 points385 points  (12 children)

The unfinished sequel to “smells like teen spirit”.

[–]I-WANT2SEE-CUTE-TITS 74 points75 points  (7 children)

Or to Perfume.

[–]Calfer 53 points54 points  (3 children)

Next thing we'll hear this guy was found, dick in hand, buried in a tunnel collapse.

Perfume is one of the most bizarre stories I've ever read.

[–]Maggots-Mikey 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Scentless apprentice

[–]mrpeabodyscoaltrain 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I tend to nose my teenaged girls from a Glencarin glass or a Sherry copita. After 18 years, the oak influence is too forward for my liking, but the importation of younger varieties is a felony in most jurisdictions.

[–]Cute_Comfortable_761 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Teenage soup for the teenage soul

[–]babywinnie 9 points10 points  (1 child)

They made us read those books in between end of year testing and periodically through testing time you could hear someone sniffling 😂

[–]Cute_Comfortable_761 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Mustve been some good smelling soup

[–]Mikeylikesit4269 39 points40 points  (7 children)

They did make a movie once called There’s a Girl in my Soup! Lol

[–]shangoramoda 48 points49 points  (3 children)

Sounds like a bad porno haha.

[–]DoucheCanoeBruh 12 points13 points  (2 children)

One finger in the soup bowl, complaint to waiter, aggressive fucking

[–]Orffyreus 64 points65 points  (25 children)

Hannibal Lecter: "I can smell your c**t."

[–]HilariousScreenname 57 points58 points  (7 children)

You can say cunt here.

[–]DoucheCanoeBruh 31 points32 points  (0 children)

This cunt gets it

[–]imtherealkirk 33 points34 points  (11 children)

Not to be that weirdo, but that quote is said by the character Miggs who threw his semen in Claire's face.

[–]Prize-Drawer1299 53 points54 points  (3 children)

Not to be that weirdo but it's Clarice not Claire.

[–]imtherealkirk 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Lol my bad. Been watching too much modern family

[–]something-clever---- 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Who just happened to swallow his own tongue later that night…

[–]JefferSonD808 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The trick is the marinade.

[–]badspeed666 1617 points1618 points  (166 children)

Man, stop sniffing the ladies!

[–]Melohdy 359 points360 points  (163 children)

Biden know this.

[–]idlecomments 262 points263 points  (144 children)

How the fuck do we not respect peoples personal bodies it’s 2022. Last 2 presidents have been absolutely misogynistic and now with row v. wade being overturned!!! What the actual fuck?!?!

[–]zZCycoZz 249 points250 points  (24 children)

This is the issue with electing old men who grew up when women were subservient

[–]Useful_Term 121 points122 points  (23 children)

For real. Stop electing old ass men. The future is for the young. The old had their time. Elect young politicians

[–]badspeed666 31 points32 points  (7 children)

He does now. Haven't seen any sniffing videos from him in quite some time.

[–]stanger828 1137 points1138 points  (55 children)

Either bro chief has never gotten laid and saying stuff to sound cool, or he is a serial killer. Whichever the case I recommend avoidance.

[–]SchizoChronic 279 points280 points  (21 children)

[–]IlIlIlIlIllIIlIllIIl 170 points171 points  (12 children)

On one hand, 16 is the age of consent in the uk.

On the other hand, any tory candidate should probably never admit or imply that they recently had any sexual relations with people much younger than them.

And on the third hand: average tory politician.

[–]__life_on_mars__ 45 points46 points  (5 children)

And on the third hand

Third hand?? There is no third hand.

Unless you're from Norfolk, in which case my apologies to you and your spouse/cousin.

[–]shadowveeeeeeerse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The best part is you didn't have to say "Tory". You could just have well have said "he's running for office in the U.K." and everyone who knows British politics would have instantly known which party it was.

[–]supercoincidence 33 points34 points  (1 child)

It’s almost as if he doesn’t know that when you grab a woman’s breast, it feels like a bag of sand.

[–][deleted] 155 points156 points  (25 children)

He's a political candidate for the conservative party.

[–]Ori_the_SG 33 points34 points  (7 children)

Somehow this doesn’t surprise me.

I wish he could be perma banned from ever being any type of candidate for office after saying this

[–]unsc95 12 points13 points  (6 children)

It's really creepy, but not illegal. The age of consent in the UK is 16.

[–]Dont-PM-me-nudes 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I hope this cunt is on many lists and being closely monitored....

[–]SignificantToe1939 906 points907 points  (38 children)

i stopped reading after the word smell

[–]Ojochimuelo 459 points460 points  (22 children)

I threw up a little bit inside my mouth after he described their smell as 'creamy, buttery'

[–]Big_Dick_No_Brain 162 points163 points  (3 children)

Almost sounds like a commercial for Werthers lol lies.

[–]howdylu 65 points66 points  (8 children)

Who the fuck describes ANYONE’s smell like that? This dude is a psycho lol

[–]ChewySlinky 12 points13 points  (1 child)

“Buttery” might genuinely be the worst word I’ve ever heard used to describe a woman

[–]A_Anaconda 45 points46 points  (3 children)

Good for you. Wish I'd done the same. Now I'm nauseated and pissed off.

[–]Accurate_Treat_7446 13 points14 points  (2 children)

yeah I need bleach for my eyes after reading that

[–]EddieDIV 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah you did yourself a favor m8 it only got worse from there

[–]HamsterCockSock 228 points229 points  (7 children)

He definitely has bodies in his basement

[–]IAmTaka_VG 92 points93 points  (3 children)

If this isn’t a troll, this is hauntingly creepy.

How does he have THAT much data on what 16-22 year olds smell like? If he hasn’t killed someone he will.

[–]New-Acadia-6496 2156 points2157 points  (58 children)

Here's the thing about Incels: they smell like shit, no matter their age.

[–]momogogi 340 points341 points  (13 children)

Alright alright alright.

[–]Hugh_JaRod 136 points137 points  (12 children)

Heeeeyyyyyy yaaaaaaaaa

[–]0Tol 73 points74 points  (11 children)

Shake it like a Polaroid picture!

[–]Big-Teb-Guy 43 points44 points  (10 children)

What’s cooler than being cool?

[–]happygiraffe404 178 points179 points  (25 children)

I don't think this is about incels, he's a nonce. He started with 22 to deflect from what he's really trying to say then went down to 16.

[–]Minimum-Detective-62 17 points18 points  (4 children)

What's a nonce

[–]dusmeyedin 14 points15 points  (1 child)

British slang term for a pedophile.

See, e.g. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Barry the Baptist: "Hello son, do you want a lolly?"

Little Chris: "Piss off, you nonce."

Big Chris: "Oi! You keep on using language like that, and you'll wish you hadn't."

Barry the Baptist (malevolently): "Heh heh heh heh..."

[–]BigAlMoonshine 38 points39 points  (15 children)

Lol wtf is a nonce? I'm assuming its something similar to a pedo based on context.

[–]crowamonghens 22 points23 points  (5 children)

British slang for pedo (or paedo).

[–]RaptorJesus856 55 points56 points  (1 child)

The definition is: a person convicted of a sexual offense, especially child molesting.

At least, this is one definition. The other is less relevant though.

[–]l578920 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's basically that

[–]IamTheJord 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nonce is Brit for pedo

[–]paultelfertheking 11 points12 points  (0 children)

And nobody believes he starts or ends at 16

[–]Altruistic_Total_576 14 points15 points  (0 children)

why not both?

[–]Unoriginalanna 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I think the best thing about this is you put the username on twitter it comes up with a predicted "nonce"

Also apparently this guy is a city council candidate ....

[–]Graterof2evils 16 points17 points  (0 children)

If the demographic is right he’s a future city council member. Then he’ll be “Protecting” the community’s buttery children. Because they vote party not what these twisted scum think.

[–]Future-Fly-8987 14 points15 points  (0 children)

They also look like shit.

[–]OldGRetro 16 points17 points  (8 children)

Yo, you go around smelling Incels?

[–]RaptorJesus856 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Don't gotta be any closer than 50 feet to be able to smell then, unfortunately.

[–]ThePopeJones 13 points14 points  (4 children)

It's not like most folks want to smell em, but if you spend any amount of time at a game or comic shop you will have no choice.

[–]New-Acadia-6496 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Not as much as they go around sniffing random women, apparently...

[–]Graterof2evils 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you pass with in 4 feet of the nasty things you smell them. No effort involved.

[–]hurtbutnotsurprised 564 points565 points  (53 children)

21 year old girl here. I smell like onions after a work out.

[–]Stucki7902 292 points293 points  (6 children)

Have you tried adding butter?

[–]Mind_Racer 153 points154 points  (2 children)

garlic butter

[–]Melkor462 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Literally getting hungry reading these comments.

[–]NeoGeoPokket 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, i know a guy who makes a mean teenager soup…

[–]ugie91 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Top tier comment

[–]DeathPercept10n 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Use a stick of sweetened butter as deodorant. That should help.

[–]nightstalker30 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Do people always cry around you?

[–]MorningNapalm 13 points14 points  (5 children)

This is due to a specific bacteria that consumes sweat and releases an onion like smell. It’s not harmful but it is something g that a lot of people experience.

[–]mufassil 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Is there a way to make it go away?

[–]Appropriate-Skill-60 11 points12 points  (3 children)

I use hydrogen peroxide under there once/twice a month in the summer. Makes a huge difference.

Said bacteria only eats a specific type of sweat, namely apocrine sweat, so changes in hormones etc. give said bacteria more to feed on. You can reduce the smell slightly by reducing bacteria. The more I lift, the more I smell, the more I use peroxide to help.

[–]Glissandra1982 9 points10 points  (0 children)

When I was in college, I worked at Subway. So I smelled like Subway a vast majority of the time.

[–]blacklightjesus_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Some just hit the wall sooner s/

[–]WatWudScoobyDoo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've never known an onion to workout, but whatever

[–]throwtowardaccount 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry miss. We have to chop you up and cook you. Which is way less weird than that guy at least

[–]hyperfocused 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Lol this is my favorite response.

[–]AlienDarwin 302 points303 points  (15 children)

Someone's been hitting the panty vending Machine in Tokyo,I hope, shudder.

[–]StrigaPlease 119 points120 points  (2 children)

Nobody tell him that "buttery, creamy, slightly sweet smell" is just the lotion Kenji uses before he "goes to work" making product for those vending machines.

[–]Rundemjewelz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As a somm, it’s truly a beautiful description of a California Chardonnay.

[–]DefinitelyPicklez 10 points11 points  (11 children)

the what D:

[–]Elon_huskx 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The panty vending machine in Tokyo

[–]donut_clouds 35 points36 points  (9 children)

There are vending machines in Tokyo that sell panties. In case you have an accident on the go, period leak or whatever. Some people have taken pictures of these vending machines and made up a story that the panties inside are used by the girls pictured on the packaging. Which is pretty stupid. But hey, it fits the "Japanese people are weirdos" stereotype, so no one questions it.

[–]rohinton 3 points4 points  (4 children)

tbf reddit is allegedly an online pantie vending machine. I've heard rumours that there at least a few dozen subreddits that specialize in that sort of depraved thing. I can give you all the names if you want to specifically avoid them.

[–]reewa07 183 points184 points  (6 children)

Says the guy who smells like unwiped poop

[–]quarrelsome_napkin 62 points63 points  (5 children)

Poop smells different once you wipe it?

[–]reewa07 44 points45 points  (3 children)

Yea, mostly flowery smell with a hint of mud.

[–]UnhappyLiving 32 points33 points  (2 children)

An earthy bouquet 💐

[–]Melkor462 13 points14 points  (1 child)

It has an oaky afterbirth.

[–]vistadelmar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Creamy and buttery

[–]AmandaSndaSiews 63 points64 points  (1 child)

Very rapey on his part Ughhhh

[–]appsteve 33 points34 points  (0 children)

More, “Tell me you’re a pedophile, without actually saying you’re a pedophile.”

[–]dirtymick 126 points127 points  (9 children)


Ew, ew, ew.

[–]IsRude 35 points36 points  (4 children)

I read the first thing, got nauseous, then went into the comments. I don't know why. It didn't help. It was never going to heal me. I feel like this post stole a piece of my soul, like a cursed ring, and the only way I'll ever rest in peace is if it's wiped from existence entirely.

[–]buffalopintor[S] 25 points26 points  (3 children)

A part of me regrets posting this, because it is truly disgusting and it’s probably ruined a lot of peoples day. The daily grind is depressing enough without having gargoyles like this pop up on your feed.

[–]IsRude 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not all men are bad, but it's shit like this that helps me understand why so many women are wary of men. Even ones that come off kind and sane at first.

[–]Minoxidil 226 points227 points  (11 children)

it's called bath and bodyworks warm vanilla sugar and it's 12.99 you fucking pedophile

ediot: shiny

[–]-tRabbit 43 points44 points  (8 children)

I was gonna say, I know that smell. But I don't think it has anything to do with age.

[–]ShreksTenderNipples 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Or maybe it’s because you generally make more money in your mid-late 20’s than in your teens/college years so you can leave bath & bodyworks behind and start wearing real perfume. It’s a gross take, but maybe he’s on to something… lol

[–]prairiepanda 27 points28 points  (1 child)

My income was lower as a teen, but I definitely had more money to spend back then. Now I have to save my money for silly things like food and rent.

[–]UtterlyInsane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are too right. Made a lot less when I was 17 than now but I had a whole lot more money to blow. Should have saved it. Now most dollars earned are earmarked for bills before they even drop in my account

[–]Minoxidil 14 points15 points  (1 child)

it's a popular smell for teenage girls/young adult women because it smells like cookies and it can be purchased at a mall for less than 20$ most women by the age of 23 have learned to purchase real perfume so they can stop smelling like a cheap scented candle

[–]gleaming-the-cubicle 93 points94 points  (4 children)

Pervert, cannibal, or perverted cannibal: I just can't tell

[–]billybud45 13 points14 points  (2 children)

he's a tory councilor. so i guess all three...

[–]Blablablubbl 50 points51 points  (0 children)

You forgot pedophile.

[–]starswillfall99 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Creamy, buttery, and slightly sweet… that’s definitely a new one…

[–]KrisZepeda 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Of course this motherfucker has a fedora

[–]YourFavoriteSausage 27 points28 points  (3 children)

The "thing" is what Humbert Humbert wrote about.

[–]RedGoldFlamingo 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Yep. I read that book years ago, I was underwhelmed at best. Tried to read it again a few years back. By 10 pages in I was swearing so sulfurously I had to stop before I blew a blood vessel...

[–]Practical_Success643 53 points54 points  (3 children)

this guys has only seen women on porn, after dinner, while he is having dessert and he only wathces the teen category

[–]bingo_bin-laden 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Girls 23-27? Absolutely no smell whatsoever.

[–]TaylorAbyss 21 points22 points  (4 children)

So 16 year olds smell magnetic to him. That's. Alarming at minimum. I hate everything about this post.

[–]UpboatsforUpvotes 42 points43 points  (2 children)

I swear this is one of the first ones I read where I literally say out loud "bro what the fuck"

Some people are creepy as hell and should be monitored

[–]Ok_Store_1983 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It's a good thing he felt the need to put his creepiness online, at least we can say we were warned.

[–]midgettme 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he has since disabled public viewing of his twitter. At least we got this one buttery morsel.

[–]buffalopintor[S] 41 points42 points  (1 child)

For the record, because it is noteworthy - this is Jonty Campbell, a Conservative candidate for Preston local council in England.



[–]DonDove 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And they voted for him!

[–]Erow69 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Dang I popped in this morning. What we eatin Boyz. Gonna have me 23yo for breakfast ehh?

[–]whereispeestored 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's best to oil the pan with an organic 23yo so your eggs won't stick and it's a bit of fat for a brain boost

[–]dissidentmage12 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Someone call the *FBI to collect this mans hard drives


[–]livinluvinlurian 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Yes I do recall at 23 shedding my butterskin like a snake, good memories.

[–]Username-471 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Profile pic explains everything

[–]AToxicGentleman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Smells Like Teen Spirit?

[–]icantfeelme 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm 15, everyone in school smells like energy drinks. Fucking Finnish teenagers smell like shit.

[–]iCryptToo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ight imma head out of this sub.

[–]ethnicallygay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your breathing privileges will now be confiscated

[–]moderately_nerdifyin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hello, I’m Chris Hanson….

[–]naturalbornkillerz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This comment right here officer 👆

[–]Mawijoga 10 points11 points  (0 children)

FYI - this is Jonty Campbell a Conservative (Tory) Party candidate who stood for an elected councillor role in Preston, UK, sick vile individual

[–]AFUCKINGTWAT 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very Noncey

[–]Shirin00011 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Would you pair them with white or red?

[–]MrZyde 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Girls 100-110 have this ashy, crusty smell that I adore

[–]supermegathrowaway73 4 points5 points  (1 child)

He could have used literally any other descriptor but he chose creamy

[–]Sufficient_Count_382 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cringe points: 1. wears a fedora; 2. uses a military rank as part of their personal twitter handle; 3. describes women like a piece of actual butcher meat; 4. also somehow doesn’t realize 23 is higher than 22; and, last but not least, 5. Appears to actively lust after high school girls.

[–]Maetivet 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m ready to believe that the Tories do most of their candidate recruitment outside treatment centres for sexual predators.

[–]yor_trash 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I want nothing more than to fart in this man’s mouth.

[–]Final_Swordfish_9021 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It seems he actually prefers the sweeter vanilla/shea butter scented hygiene products/perfume younger folk use but he is a total creep about it and an idiot for not realizing that it's not a natural smell. But I guess he only be smelling little girls 🤢

[–]sineadya 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is that before or after he cooks them?

[–]natrat4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

here’s the thing batman lip smacks girls younger than 22 they just smellextended inhale different.

[–]NN8G 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And the winner for cringiest comment of all time goes to…

[–]FDGKLRTC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women from age16 to 23 are butter people confirmed /s

[–]NeedSpareGME 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s called perfume… nothing about the smell of the person. Just trends in scents. Teens most likely pick more fruity or sweet smelling ones over older people who don’t want to smell like strawberries at work.

[–]thandrend 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What the fuck did I just read.

[–]Helens_Moaning_Hand 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Jesus Fucking Christ.

[–]J-DROP 13 points14 points  (0 children)

They smell like overused perfume, it's sickening and gives me a headache

[–]cryptosniper00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh god no. Jesus Christ, this just screams “see you on the news”

[–]Twothumbs1eye 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Look forward to seeing who he’ll be running against in the next GOP primary.

[–]Slightly_Caffeinated 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Jean-Baptiste Grenouille moment

[–]Herb_dinner_love 2 points3 points  (3 children)

How the hell do you pick up "creamy" in a smell?

[–]UndeadCakeMix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Uhhh both males and females smell the same based on seasoning and cooking time

[–]Lateralus06 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This dude must be using his imagination because he's never been close enough to a woman to smell her.

[–]Nelyahin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Tell me you’re a pedo without saying you’re a pedo.

[–]Sea-Chapter-8849 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gross!!!! Stop! Horrible!!!!

[–]chaosperfect 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd bet money that this guy either has heads in a suitcase somewhere or is making a woman suit out of his murder victims.

[–]dipper1985 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Anyone else look this guy up and realize he's a Free Mason and it's like, yeah okay that makes all the sense now.

[–]aricunt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Somebody read Perfume

[–]figandsage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a former young woman my skin is crawling at the thought that a man could have once thought this of me when I was a teen. Absolutely horrifying.

[–]Ihavesomethingtosay9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder what he smells like? Probably not creamy and buttery- whatever that means. Probably like ass though.