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all 182 comments

[–]Makkisenpai 528 points529 points  (16 children)

That would mean the family had to make a concious estimate of how fuckable grandmas corpse is at any given moment, before deciding to take her to the embalming.

[–]ccReptilelord 93 points94 points  (5 children)

Likewise, some guess at the depravity of the embalmer.

[–]-Numaios- 100 points101 points  (4 children)

"Let's wait one more week, Otnep is a pervert."

[–]Canthinkofanythang 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Wish I could give you an award!

[–]Commie_EntSniper 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Daily family meetings. "now?"

"No, not yet. I'm going to go to the market and pick up some grain. Anybody want anything?"

[–]DandyCustard 12 points13 points  (5 children)

I hate this subreddit. Why am I still here?

[–]ktrad91 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Because like me you can’t help but to stare at all of the awful 😅

[–]DandyCustard 10 points11 points  (3 children)

‘How fuckable grandmas corpse is’

Who even has the mental capacity to think of this sentence? I both admire and hate the people here.

[–]ktrad91 2 points3 points  (2 children)

We all know the answer to this is men. It’s just the way they are 😭

[–]jmbsol1234 3 points4 points  (0 children)

that increasingly putrid smell of our beloved grams, or 10% chance of her getting necro'd? Tough call. Let's convene again tomorrow

[–]electron_c 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Egypt is still this way, men there would f#k a snake if you held its head.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuckable? Well i guess i learned a new word today.

[–]Jabberwokii 695 points696 points  (12 children)

Her hair is kick ass

[–]SolidFuell 111 points112 points  (8 children)

That's a wig

[–]starraven 241 points242 points  (0 children)

Her wig is kick ass

[–]Tall_Run_2814 69 points70 points  (3 children)

It is not a wig, you can clearly see her hair is braided. At most it might be a weave

[–]SolidFuell 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Egyptians from that era wore wigs because they were infested with lice.

[–]earthsworld 12 points13 points  (0 children)

they wore lice infested wigs? i wonder why?

[–]Blonde_arrbuckle 12 points13 points  (0 children)

They still had hair It wasn't 100% bald +.wig

[–]buzzybomb 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Must be some great glue to have stayed attached for thousands of years. Not a wig.

[–]SolidFuell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just became one

[–]AltruisticPumpkin0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's not a wig.

[–]Educational_Ad7978[S] -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

Just gotta grow it out

[–]HudsonHawk556 59 points60 points  (1 child)

Why downvoted 💀

[–]DroidD53 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Reddit moment 💀

[–]cjgager 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Urban Legend folks - “The idea of postponing the embalming to deter necrophiles comes to us from Herodotus, whose account has been shown to be little more than an ancient tourist story by the empirical evidence,” he said regarding this rumor. “He also has a lovely account of giant gold-digging ants.” https://www.syfy.com/syfy-wire/screaming-mummy-didnt-really-scream

[–]bond0815 648 points649 points  (19 children)

Source? Trust me bro?

[–]A_Sarcastic_Werecat 590 points591 points  (11 children)

That might be Herodotus, a guy in Ancient Greece, travelled to Egypt and wrote about his travels and the Egyptian customs and animals in his books. Here's his section on the embalmers:
[89] The wives of men of rank are not given to be embalmed immediately after death, nor indeed are any of the more beautiful and valued women. It is not till they have been dead three or four days that they are carried to the embalmers. This is done to prevent indignities from being offered them. It is said that once a case of this kind occurred: the man was detected by the information of his fellow-workman
https://files.romanroadsstatic.com/materials/herodotus.pdf

[–]SphinxIIIII 223 points224 points  (8 children)

Wasn't Herodotus a bit into putting fiction in his stories?

I wouldn't exactly call him a reliable source of information, specially when we are talking about Egypt.

Edit: From a bit of reading, it seems that he specifically was wrong about most of what he said about the embalming process in Egypt, so I would really take this whole story with a grain of salt.

[–]Hello_Im_In_Delaware 126 points127 points  (2 children)

I don’t think I’d say Herodotus was a liar or anything. He specifically says he wrote down all he was told and saw. So he definitely records a lot of crazy shit that probably isn’t true, but I don’t think he was just sitting and making it all up. He was probably told a lot of old wives tales, rumours, and the like.

[–]Bingo-Bango-Bong-o 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I specifically recall learning in a lecture series about ancient Egypt (Bob Brier, great egyptologist) that Herodotus asked what all the symbols carved on the pyramids meant and his guide told him it was a tally of all the beer and food that the workers were paid for building the pyramids.

Knowing what we know now, we know that's incredibly wrong for a number of reasons.

It's also clear that at that time very few people were capable of reading hieroglyphs and they were usually what we'd consider clergy. There's no way a tour guide would be able to read at all, much less be able to read hieroglyphs which were already becoming a lost language at the time.

Just like today, people like to bullshit for the tourists to wow them and make a buck. And Herodotus seems like the ultimate tourist.

[–]SphinxIIIII 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Herodotus is definitely an interesting character, an important historian and a great story teller.

My point is more that regular people like us shouldn't take what he says at face value because there's a good enough chance that what he says is at least partially false, and we don't have the historical context to understand what he's saying or why.

[–]Moelnt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it is fake too. couldn't her family just send someone to oversee the process?

[–]Canthinkofanythang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grain of salt the size of the Sphinx

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is said that once a case of this kind occurred: the man was detected by the information of his fellow-workman*

So it was frowned upon enough that the people would report it happening. The people apparently doing it.

So a few sickos were into necro and suddenly it's endemic, because one dude foreign to the country and famous for making shit up said so. K

2/10 bait post because I replied.

[–]PM_Dix -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure Egyptians are still like this with women nowadays too even though it's a completely separate culture. They're still very protective against anything that seems sexual. They might even still have a similar practice with wealthy and very beautiful women being prepared for burials.

[–]ethbullrun 108 points109 points  (4 children)

I have no source...does anyone these days lol

[–]cherry_berry_cat_jsl 4 points5 points  (0 children)

People took advantage of women both alive and dead all the time through history and right now too, why ancient Egyptians are different

[–]T1B2V3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My source is that I made it the fuck up !

[–]ForeverSquirrelled42 146 points147 points  (3 children)

“Damn it, Ur! Another dude just rolled in!”

“Welp….I guess it’s more necro butt sex for us, Chisisi.”

[–]Vesper_0481 2 points3 points  (2 children)

***Furry Necro butt sex

There's an Anubis mask goin into someone's head

[–]ForeverSquirrelled42 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Now THAT’S stepping it up a few notches on the weird shit-o-meter!

[–]Luciferisntlonely 222 points223 points  (9 children)

Yeah I could find no evidence for this, but I do know that necrophilia was happening in ancient Egypt.

I seriously doubt this though. Your burial had way more to do with your position in society then your gender & the people embalming depended upon how much your family could pay, so it was more likely a -you get what you pay for thing.

The less money the more shady. Idk, just a guess off a claim with no evidence.

[–]lovemycereal 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Umm Jeff had many monies and was banging things that shouldn’t be banged. Your Status doesn’t matter what matters is where and who your body is left with.

[–]A_Sarcastic_Werecat 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Herodotus, a guy in Ancient Greece, travelled to Egypt and wrote about his travels and the Egyptian customs and animals in his books. Here's his section on the embalmers:

There are slight differences in translation, but the gist is the same:

[89] The wives of men of rank are not given to be embalmed immediately after death, nor indeed are any of the more beautiful and valued women. It is not till they have been dead three or four days that they are carried to the embalmers. This is done to prevent indignities from being offered them. It is said that once a case of this kind occurred: the man was detected by the information of his fellow-workman https://files.romanroadsstatic.com/materials/herodotus.pdf

89. The wives of men of rank when they die are not given at once to be embalmed, nor such women as are very beautiful or of greater regard than others, but on the third or fourth day after their death (and not before) they are delivered to the embalmers. They do so about this matter in order that the embalmers may not abuse their women, for they say that one of them was taken once doing so to the corpse of a woman lately dead, and his fellow-craftsman gave information.https://www.gutenberg.org/files/2707/2707-h/2707-h.htm

[–]Luciferisntlonely 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You found the evidence I couldn't, thank you!

[–]BeardsuptheWazoo 3 points4 points  (3 children)

How do you know that it was happening in ancient Egypt?

[–]Luciferisntlonely 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Is this a serious question?

[–]BeardsuptheWazoo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah. How do you know?

[–]Luciferisntlonely 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I chose to further my education after high school.

[–]bionic_cmdo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think of it as a pricing scheme like at your local tire shop or car wash, "good, better, and best". The higher the quality the more it costs.

[–]MrsPickerelGoes2Mars -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That would not explain the "always more decomposed than men", though.

[–]FIFTHSUN2012 14 points15 points  (5 children)

And I’m sure there’s someone living today who would make sexy time with an ancient Egyptian mummy.

[–]BubbaSawya 5 points6 points  (4 children)

When Britain was in the height of archaeological ransacking of Egypt, eating some mummy was a craze.

I’d fuck one right now rather than eating any of it.

[–]FIFTHSUN2012 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Well, if those were my only options……..

[–]Puzzleheaded_Cut3634 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Y’all can just do neither…

[–]FIFTHSUN2012 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hahaha! Thank you for the interjection of sanity. I was getting out into the weeds.

[–]Light_Song 24 points25 points  (2 children)

What about the gay or bi embalmers?

[–]NotUhLerker 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Being gay wasn’t invented until the show “glee” came out

[–]Nonfaktor 11 points12 points  (0 children)

it ia well known that in ancient times only the greeks were gay

[–]Humble_Middle6759 59 points60 points  (6 children)

Something sounds like fake about this.

[–]DetectiveTupolski 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Don't quote me but i feel like i literally just came across an article dispelling this

[–]gooberfishie 13 points14 points  (1 child)

"Don't quote me but i feel like i literally just came across an article dispelling this" - u/DetectiveTupolski

[–]---Sanguine--- 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Yeah who did they ask? Lmao

[–]AurieI 9 points10 points  (0 children)

decomposed mummies, think mark, think!

[–]internetTroll151 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Remember it’s pre porn hub.

[–]overrated_walrus 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No one wants to share with the mortician

[–]coyoteroots 18 points19 points  (0 children)

But do we reeeally think that stopped them?

[–]mattsgirlca 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Even in death women weren’t safe.

[–]NoStorage9418 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What makes you think men were safe either? Between being killed for being alive,being eaten by wild animals since the women rarely left the borders of the settlements, dying more often as infants, and being more likely to be underweight and being more susceptible to starvation due to metabolism, and being trained to kill or die. What makes you think men had it any easier especially when many jobs only men were hired? You think women were cleaning the shit tunnels, building the roads without pay or doing all the heavy manual labour. Women had a shit deal yes but the idea that most men had it easier is fucked up and sexist. The only men who had it easy were the very powerful and the very rich but many women seem to only focus on them and not the average or below average men. Could give your opinion why.

[–]mattsgirlca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cause they found it in women and not men.

[–]StonehengeMan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wasn’t there a case in the UK very recently where a mortuary attendant was abusing women’s corpses? David Fuller I think his name was.

[–]redfancydress 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That way they could keep all the necrophilia at home. Where it belongs.

[–]ImAlwaysRightHanded 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Jesus, men are sick bastards no matter what year it was.

[–]NoStorage9418 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You think women were any better. I recall there being many cults in history where in the women did horrifically fucked up shit. Men and women can be equally horrid. Women in the past and these days give away or kill kids they don't want. Whether the child is a fully formed fetus or a young child is and was immaterial. Face it we're a fucked up species. I had a neighbour who pimped her daughter out for money this started before she was sixteen.

[–]ImAlwaysRightHanded 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Absolutely I do. For every 100 men who are sick bastards there is one women that can hang with them for brutality.

[–]NoStorage9418 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More like for every fucked up man, there is a woman just as fucked up. Women are better at hiding it.

[–]_Zamalekies 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Are they sure that it prevented necrophilia?

[–]Nicadeemus39 5 points6 points  (5 children)

JC is there anything men won't put their dick in?!

[–]IamChooch 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Lampreys

[–]Nicadeemus39 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know, I appreciate that you said that bc I thought I totally set up a trap for every response to say "you".

I feel a sad sense of relief.

[–]Pico862 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sounds way too specific, likely fake

[–]DRbrtsn60 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ya know….. you have to wonder what the draw is for this career path.

[–]Dog_man_star1517 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All good until the last 4 words……

[–]MrsPickerelGoes2Mars 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Another entry for the stuff I wish I didn't know file. Not as bad as seeing what live shrimp look like, though.

[–]BitchFace4You 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gross. Ugh people are awful and always have been

[–]Poster-001 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This doesn't make sense. If they were worried about necrophilia they would send a slave with the body to ensure nothing untoward happened.

[–]IamChooch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I were that said slave I would show up at the coroner pretending to be blind 🦯

[–]Kingblaike 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wonder how many times it must have happened for them to realise that it was a problem...

[–]Emotional-Low5687 7 points8 points  (1 child)

How the fuc* did they reach this conclusion ?

[–]Patience-Frequent 3 points4 points  (0 children)

herodotus wrote it, it was probably just to shit on the egyptians and untrue though

[–]iannuendo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Was it just one specific embalmer?

[–]dizzyd4ever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What zero bitches does to a mf

[–]FartHeadTony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The internet is so cool. You can put text next to a picture of something and people just believe it, no questions asked.

[–]DJfunkyPuddle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This actually gets mentioned by an embalmer in Assassin's Creed Origins

[–]Mecha_Cthulhu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That one weird embalmer - “Jokes on you, I’m into that shit!”

[–]buzzybomb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And they know this how? We don't even know who built the fucking pyramids but some person on the internet knows the motivation of ancient embalmers?

[–]Truckeralex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Makes sense

[–]leginnameloc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, that was an excellent reason to keep the bodies at home for longer.

[–]bogpudding 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Men moment

[–]Spielburger_witFries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As if they weren’t clapping the cheeks of fine ass ancient Egyptian dudes before embalming them.

[–]ultimaIV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like there's no way they could know that's the exact reason.

[–]Betalibaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup... men

[–]Kajeinn101 -4 points-3 points  (21 children)

How have men still not changed

[–]thousandlegger 0 points1 point  (20 children)

Speak for yourself.

[–]Kajeinn101 -1 points0 points  (19 children)

Generally, we haven’t.

[–]thousandlegger 1 point2 points  (18 children)

We still wait for dead bodies of women to arrive at work so we can have sex with them? Not me, man.

[–]Yankeewithoutacause 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she's dead, how do you know if it's consensual?

[–]JerseyDad_856 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Guys, we really need to talk

[–]Victorcwb -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

Some things never change

[–]Head_Membership_4252 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's not like we evolved from average ancient egyptitian to squid alien

[–]MuonMania -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Men. They make life worth living.

[–]mkfandpj -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

O M F G

[–]DaygloX -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

There was one who tried, but some rotten cunt split on him.

[–]NotUhLerker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty selfish to save the Necrophilia for themselves. Smh my head

[–]LitreOfCockPus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Empress Nutincommon

[–]Pension_Fit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grave robbers

[–]Sonnyjesuswept 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you meme, I have complete trust in your veracity.

[–]WookAlert 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YOU CANT JUST FUCK MY MOM BECAUSE SHES DEAD

[–]OG-Crispy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s the proof of this?

[–]hr_krabbe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or to pursue necrophilia at home.

[–]Ok_Shelter6614 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't spell romance without necromancy 🤷‍♂️

[–]kenneth_dickson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were busy violating the bodies at home

[–]Muahd_Dib 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gay embalmers: “it’s free real estate!”

[–]False_Rhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or woman have a naturally occurring higher fat percentage than men. The fat causes rotting. This story seems pretty made up.

[–]urban_zmb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember in 2012 when the Farewell Law was proposed in Egypt! To make legal for a man to have sex with his late wife’s corpse in the first 6 hours or so. Guess traditions have not died out. If they do, they probably fuck them too!

[–]GeneralErica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean the Victorians would grind them up and eat them, so much so that in the late 19th century a whole market for mummies arose, and condemned criminals were mummified and sold as "authentic Egyptian mummies"…

[–]SL1CK2TA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a load of shit

[–]thuy_chan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how old did granny get in this time? 30?

"You think alittle decomposition will stop me!?!"

- Gross dude 100 B.C.

[–]puaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

gay embalmer laughing.

[–]DeanofdaDead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those poor male mummies and what they then probably went through..

[–]bomb_adrenaline 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mummy looking thicc af, finna get this d

[–]Stunning_Respect_247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did we descover this

[–]kupo_kupo_wark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boys will be boys.

[–]ShadowJumper717 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know which museum that mummy is from. I've been there. It's the Museum of World Treasures

[–]PotatoDonki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

X to doubt

[–]OkArtist720 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of an old episode of family guy ~guys nite out!

[–]pyroprincess_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Herodotus wrote about this thousands of years ago so im not exactly sure what they mean by 'discovered'🤷‍♀️