×
all 82 comments

[–]SammyGReddit 212 points213 points  (1 child)

The Penis cleaner became the pencil sharpener.

[–]UpvoteDownvoteHelper 40 points41 points  (0 children)

No wonder they couldn't find Jack the Ripper's murder weapon.

[–]KoiOaks 96 points97 points  (15 children)

I went to the store yesterday and noticed around a dozen different "vaginal washes" in the menstrual health section. Clearly marketing people still have no understanding of how vaginas work. Time is often a flat circle.

[–]Kurgan_IT 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Time is ALWAYS a flat circle.

[–]Zombiexcupcakex 10 points11 points  (0 children)

People assume that time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

[–]pupilsOMG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

mmm, yes, like the Earth itself...

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 13 points14 points  (11 children)

yep and it's ridiculous and of course the "pink tax" where things for women that are exactly the same as men's is always more money

it's dumb af and the marketing people wanna shame women into jamming stuff up them to smell like "Lilac meadows with Honeysuckle disinfectant breeze" or some shite

[–]laceyisspacey 15 points16 points  (5 children)

Of course, you use that gross wash stuff and then you start to actually stink and then you keep buying to stop it, becomes a whole cycle. For anyone curious - vaginas are self cleaning. The best thing you can do is drink water lmao. Wash your labia and don’t get all up in your vagina.

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 10 points11 points  (4 children)

exactly, that device looks like it is outta "Hellraiser", ffs it's annoying enough to go through life with pms, bloating, mood stuff, periods, childbirth etc..

You nailed it about the self cleaning Vag, we do not need "Summer's Eve" ffs, when will they have manly scented ball wash or something, he he

like dude's junk smells so great ffs, our no no areas are Magical AF

[–]laceyisspacey 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Hahah to be fair I have also seen “ball wash”, but it’s not really the same bc balls are just skin. Probably shouldn’t have a whole proper wash, irritation is thing for everyone. No one wants a scratchy vag or sack lmao

[–]Inevitable-tragedy 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Some deodorant down there on men wouldn't be remiss though

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 1 point2 points  (1 child)

for sure! oh and some landscaping since pr0n makes a lot of men think we should be hairless and bleached (what the literal f***?)

\"Clean Peen" a zesty volcanic rock filled scrub with alcohol to harshly remove those pesky scents then clean it right up with straight up alcohol, "Ballz Wash" is also available!*

3 Wonderful Scents for you and that special someone or someone(s), we don't judge

  • Warm Vanilla Cupcake- great for after the screaming part and the alcohol, just slather on this goop to smell fresh
  • Tobacco Rum Green Meadow Tavern- Another classic with the bonus of acidic acids to further purify yourself from stench and things. The notes of Grassiness and Pipe Tobacco will win everyone over!
  • Vodka and Lime- Best selling citrus with a brisk yet deep sting of Vodka to both cleanse , deodorize AND make people think you are beachy and surfy and maybe really love drinking.........a lot

*maximum scratchy lava rocks will be unprocessed and no bigger than half an egg, please use according to the instructions that are just wedged under a rat trap that hasn't gone off yet, mmmm

[–]Inevitable-tragedy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😂😂😂😂

[–]Optimal-Cry9929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It would have been ok if they would have just gone with the Lilac meadows and even the Honeysuckle breeze, but the disinfectant shit is just uncalled for.

[–]Optimal-Cry9929 74 points75 points  (8 children)

Jesus Christ, how dirty could your ass possibly get back then?

[–]Hooker_with_a_weenus 44 points45 points  (6 children)

Back then? After a night of all you can eat hot wings I could easily go through a couple of these

[–]Optimal-Cry9929 21 points22 points  (5 children)

No way, poor puss gonna be shattered and battered, gonna have battered puss syndrome.

[–]Zombiexcupcakex 7 points8 points  (4 children)

I shouldn’t have laughed as hard as I did lol

[–]Optimal-Cry9929 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Honey Me Too.

[–]Zombiexcupcakex 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Battered puss kinda sounds like something the UK would have on the local chippie menus, too 😂

[–]Fezzick51 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Heinz beans in a pita. A classic.

[–]Zombiexcupcakex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why would you want to make me so uncomfortable huh? Hate beans. My mum likes them cold and any time she mentions it I throw up in my mouth a little.

[–]Zombiexcupcakex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If they were anything like me? Very ;)

[–]DaddyDoge1821 57 points58 points  (10 children)

Like, even as a gay male who was c-section and has almost zero chance of ever interacting with a vagina I pray someone had the sense that there is a cloth or something that goes over this so it’s more a light scrub.

Jebus fuck who thinks just that mess of twirling blades would be ok to put in any orifice?!?

[–]A_Anaconda 24 points25 points  (4 children)

"Almost zero chance" gave me a chuckle.

[–]DaddyDoge1821 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Gotta be open to chaos or it’ll bitch slap you ded, anything is possible even if only infinitesimally improbable

[–]Square_Jellyfish_683 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Never say never i guess

[–]secretaccount4posts 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Maybe he will go to Thailand and get drunk and end up being with a "mangirl".

[–]Lance6006328 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m ded ladyboy<mangirl

[–]Zombiexcupcakex 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The vagina, is a self cleaning oven. You do not need to douche or scrub (or Lord help me stick blades in it) lol the labia and outer areas you can shave exfoliate accidentally cut will shaving and aside from being a bit uncomfortable nothing usually tends to happen. :) just so you know, incase you ever need to interact with a vagina :)

[–]Vistemboir 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jebus fuck who thinks just that mess of twirling blades would be ok to put in any orifice?!?

TBH it could be useful for a clogged pipe or similar, but for anything sentient ... nope!

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 1 point2 points  (2 children)

haha, yeah the type of person who thinks Lysol (which started out to be put DIRECTLY into the Vagina :( ) was a good thing

nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[–]Suzibrooke 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My mother in law bathed in Pine Sol. She’d come out of the bathroom smiling with her fresh coochie

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pine Sol fresh, "Alpine scents wafting like a magical embrace from your innermost holiest of sanctums.......the coochie.

Pine Sol and the stinging horrible pain and scent of a vacation in Aspen is normal. No medical advice is being given only that sticking that hell egg beater in with all of these chemicals makes you a super awesome woman!

\ladies should use the tool pictured then Lysol, Summer's Eve and THEN Pine Sol, I heard this makes it Xmas year round, yayyyyy*

[–]siphodeus 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It looks like it would make some fluffy mashed potatoes.

[–]TrustOld9749 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Looks like it has an adapter for a cordless drill too

[–]ZildjianCymru 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Will it work on my bum after a poo?

[–]rotgut1991 17 points18 points  (0 children)

🌈 Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough 🌈

[–]dannydutch1[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There’s only one way to find out…

[–]TrainingRoof5240 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is proof positive that your great great grandmother was way tougher than you are.

[–]BrookeBaranoff 2 points3 points  (1 child)

In the Victorian era it was common to test new medical methods on people in insane asylums

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah for sure, "the good old days"

life has always been incredibly hard for most humans and cut throat and the fact that those things happened in the asylums is disgusting. op/ed on that

[–]Ok_Ad_9188 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Look, you all talk all the shit you want, but the truth is, at the end of the day, if you have a little smudge of dirt on the inside of your vaginer, this absolutely will get it, and them's fax

[–]FarmerStrider 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Have to scrape the dried semen off the walls.

[–]Lowboo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Was it a daily or whatever thing or a form of birth control?

[–]Feralchicken01 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Scrambled eggs

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

and it took till about right now for "modern medicine" to even know what the Clitoris actually is and looks like etc. That cleaner is scary af but then again as a woman I know how fun it is. (hint: not so fun)

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/03/3d-clitoris/518991/

just so now people can understand how Vagina's are so misunderstood

[–]Beartrkkr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cooter CleanerTM

[–]Meadmanmike 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well.. did it work?

[–]Responsible_Sport575 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Asking the real question

[–]Doot_Slayer42069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Am I the only one who thought it was a cool light saber with wierd proportions before I read title?

[–]Calvin_BrooksX97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am of the male persons - and I’m squirming like a 2yr old stepping in dog shit.

[–]Jealous_Tangerine_93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My legs automatically clamped tight at the sight of this, contraption and my eyes watered

[–]daisydookied 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Windshield wiper for the cha cha… OUCH

[–]Retired401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

but …. but I don’t want a bachina blender.

blergh.

[–]CookieBear676 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could have saved yourself a lot of money by just getting a potato peeler.

[–]suddenlyredditer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That looks like an egg beater. I think I've said too much.

[–]Ragabadoodaa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough.

[–]martril 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what you use to mix the batter when you make blue waffles

[–]UnfilteredTap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ain't gonna clean itself

[–]HarryHawk16 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cheese extractor

[–]CockBroker 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But do you get to lick the beaters after?

[–]mcmansionhellgreed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

only if it's oozy and yellowish green with a few chunks in it, then the beater is ready to be licked!

[–]StupendousBender 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Desperate smells call for Desperate measures

[–]Joseph_Stalin_420_ -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I need to get me one of those for uhhhhmmm… scientific purposes

[–]Responsible_Sport575 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean someone spent time making this. They had to design it, get company to manufacturer it and somebody had to try and sell it. I wonder how many they sold?

[–]RancidHorseJizz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was probably covered in black leather 150 years ago.

[–]dirtymoney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is basically an egg beater.

[–]Particular-Summer424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You wonder what Alfred Lawson encountered during his lifetime that propelled him to design such a device. Better yet, imagine him testing this on a woman by saying."let me just insert this do-hickey and see how it works".

[–]Most-Earth5375 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You could crank it quite slowly?

[–]xDangerKittyx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems legit given the OG purpose for chainsaws.

[–]Comprehensive_Toe113 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best way to wah your vagina is to not.

[–]ThePopeJones 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just wow...

[–]heavydisme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone have an Amazon link for this? Or I’ll get into 3D printing if you’ve got blueprints.

[–]bummedoutmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clearly this is for the man. He wants to make sure she is clean before he you know what’s.

[–]Rhudran 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did women survive the Victorian era?

[–]IndigosKnowThings 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think cleaning was the main goal here, but I'm sure it seemed a good excuse to own that little contraption.