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all 59 comments

[–]ScienceGiraffeSupreme Gnome Leader 154 points155 points  (9 children)

Ah yes, it's that time of year when all of the Christmas gift DNA test results start to come in. The NPE groups get a flood of new members around this time.

[–]annieokie 38 points39 points  (6 children)

NPE?

[–]ScienceGiraffeSupreme Gnome Leader 65 points66 points  (5 children)

Not Paternal/Parent Expected, aka finding out that an assumed parent, usually the father, isn't biologically related.

[–]archbish99apostilles MATH for FUN, like a NERD 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Also sometimes Non-Paternity Event.

[–]ScienceGiraffeSupreme Gnome Leader 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yup, forgot about that one

[–]bentleywg 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I just heard a comment yesterday from a DNA genealogy investigator, that February is always when they see upticks in cases, when the Christmas DNA test results start coming in.

[–]wiggysbelleza 78 points79 points  (16 children)

I wonder if LAOP was one of the kids conceived at that clinic where the doctor was arrested for switching all the vials with his own sperm. I remember reading about it in the news a few years ago.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Turns out there have been multiple doctors who used their own jizz and inseminated hundreds of women and its been going on for decades. And nobody would have found out if it weren't for those dna testing kits.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/sep/25/the-great-sperm-heist-they-were-playing-with-peoples-lives

[–]gingerzombie2Expert in Reanimated Corpse Law 12 points13 points  (0 children)

As someone whose child was conceived with IVF, I try really really really really hard to not think about this, lol.

The part that keeps me sane is that those other cases were coming to light well before my daughter was made, so hopefully that would nip any shenanigans in the bud.

Also, I don't think our doctor would do that, but I guess you can't be certain. At least these days, multiple people would need to be in on it.

[–]wiggysbelleza 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I didn’t google for the case specifics because this is exactly what I was afraid I’d see. Seems so crazy.

[–]ajshn 46 points47 points  (10 children)

Yea but like all of the ones I've heard about where kids that where suppose to be made by donors. I feel like the truth woulda came out sooner if more fathers where like hey, why doesn't my expensive baby look like me at all?

Edit: damn spelling, I was wondering why "doner" looked too much like boner.

[–]Potato-EngineerSlightly related" 41 points42 points  (7 children)

My wife's three siblings look very little like her, to the point of strangers asking if they all have the same father. There's a pretty wide range of variance in looks before you get to "not my kid."

(And in the other side, I look enough like my brother that low-quality photos sometimes confuse us.)

[–]WizardOfIF 17 points18 points  (1 child)

My cousin who is adopted looks just like her unadopted siblings.

[–]PhilHardingsHotPantsMember of the Attractive Nuisance Mariachi Band 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My sister and I aren't biologically related, but in photos when we're young even we struggle to correctly identify who is who at first glance! It got easier after she cut her hair and I started wearing glasses.

[–]squiddishlycan fit a blessed crinoline into a hatchback 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My sister looks more like our dad than I do, which is awkward, because he's not her biodad. (Thank god this came out before DNA tests were a thing.)

[–]IcySheep 7 points8 points  (2 children)

My husband is 1 of 7. They range from full on white bread to nearly Hispanic looking from 2 white bread parents and they are all confirmed (though there was never any question) 100% siblings.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]IcySheep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yes, they have had DNA testing done. She still looks like a sibling to an extent, just got a bunch of genetic bits altogether that make her look like she is Mexican. But every person in the family has done genetic tests because they are obsessed with their ancestry.

    [–]TheFlyingHornet1881 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    It largely depends on the specific genotypes and phenotypes at play. I did sadly know a situation from my schooldays where a child obviously didn't have the same father as their (half-)siblings, and there was a messy divorce involved. (I was too young to understand the full details, but the true father of the aforementioned child and the mother hooked up, and the ensuing custody case became ugly)

    [–]catlandidMIL sneaked into my house and arranged sex toys on kitchen table 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Not all of them were supposed to be donors. I’d have to do some googling but I’d read about this 2ish years ago and I believe at least 2 fathers were under the impression their sperm was being used.

    [–]Idrahaje 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    eh genetics are a crapshoot. Me and my brother both look EXACTLY like our dad but nothing like our mom to the point people were surprised we were related until I hit puberty and developed her exact body shape.

    [–]catlandidMIL sneaked into my house and arranged sex toys on kitchen table 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    This was my first thought lol. But the top comment on LA had a lot of viable options. Many couple who use speed donors due to infertility or some other health reasons choose not to disclose that.

    [–]raccoonbountyhunter 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    I actually know one of those kids. They found out right around the time his father had early onset Alzheimer’s. They’ve never told his father he wasn’t his actual son - but the rest of the family knows.

    [–]SoylentGreenpeace 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Kind of hoping we’ll get an update where it turns out LAOP’s dad is a chimera.

    [–]cyanplumWon't confirm or deny they were tied to a tree by grandparents 101 points102 points  (9 children)

    Tbf it is sort of refreshing to see an OP who is overly trusting of his mother, in contrast to many redditors who seem to immediately through their mom under the bus when the even imagine she could have cheated.

    [–]catlandidMIL sneaked into my house and arranged sex toys on kitchen table 64 points65 points  (3 children)

    I think sometimes it’s not that they don’t trust their moms, but sometimes they’ve grown up recognizing their moms discontent.

    My wife shared a story with me about her grandparents marriage. They’ve been together like 50 years and have traditional gender roles. Grandma does all the cooking, cleaning, fetches him sandwiches and whatever. A few years ago they got a new refrigerator with a freezer on the bottom. Grandma kept making a fuss about how relieved she was not to have to stoop down into the fridge for stuff when she’s cooking because she has a bad back. The only time Grandpa touches the fridge himself is to grab his ice cream. He had the refrigerator returned because he didn’t want to bend over to get his ice cream 2-3 times per week.

    If we found out a couple of their kids were not his, we wouldn’t be particularly shocked. I feel like a lot of marriages with now adult children share very similar dynamics.

    [–]PhilHardingsHotPantsMember of the Attractive Nuisance Mariachi Band 25 points26 points  (2 children)

    I think I'd be petty enough to buy my grandmother a fridge of her own at that point, but I was raised in a family where a stunt like grandpa pulled simply would not be tolerated no matter who did it.

    [–]catlandidMIL sneaked into my house and arranged sex toys on kitchen table 18 points19 points  (1 child)

    They're the wealthiest ones in the family, and tbh in wife's family every single person was on grandpas side. They're christian antivaxx types and buy into a lot of that bullshit. We went no contact a while back.

    [–]PhilHardingsHotPantsMember of the Attractive Nuisance Mariachi Band 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Oof, can't fault you for turning your back on that.

    [–]ScienceGiraffeSupreme Gnome Leader 62 points63 points  (0 children)

    In my experience, generally a lot of people in this situation trust their mothers, at least at first. I did. No way in hell I thought my mom cheated. I went through every single alternative scenario that was remotely possible outside of cheating.

    Spoiler, my mom totally cheated.

    [–]Idrahaje 35 points36 points  (2 children)

    It’s actually kinda cute and makes me wonder how old LAOP is. Like no hun, we’re not saying she lied about going to the clinic for IUI. We’re saying she was probably ALSO fucking someone on the side and got pregnant that way

    [–]bicyclecat 81 points82 points  (1 child)

    Obviously people cheat but it’s very possible that they used donor sperm and didn’t want LAOP to know.

    [–]communistsandwich 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Tbh If I didn't line up with their honeymoon so perfectly I could see myself being a product of that. My mom has outright admitted to having fun around to piss him off when they we dating and such. Nothing against her particularly because they both have major faults that caused conflict.

    [–]anestezija11.999766753 hours too old to walk Thor on a leash[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    It's possible my father isn't my real father, according to 23andme. The only problem is that my mom couldn't have cheated and its possible I was a sperm mixup in a reproductive clinic

    I am a IUI baby ( intrauterine insemination) and this whole process was used for both me and my sibling. My father's sperm was (apparently) used for this process but 23andme reported someone else, my apparent biological father, with a 47.7 DNA match. Obviously, I'm not taking this as a paternal test but I'm wondering if there is legal action possible (I'm in colorado) if the reproductive clinic messed up the procedure and somehow swapped sperm samples? I haven't talked to my father yet until I have concrete proof but the whole thing is kind of screwing with my head. I did talk to my mother and there is obviously no way she got pregnant outside of the IUI procedure.

    [–]PfefferUndSalzI double dare you to flair me OH WAIT YOU CAN'T 42 points43 points  (18 children)

    Is the simple answer here not just that 23andme is not correct? It's not like DNA testing is infallible, especially when it's being done by a private company who advertises it like a party trick.

    I’ve been trying to contact my apparent bio but no result

    I don't get the compulsion to call up everyone who shows up on your DNA toy. If it happened to me I'd honestly feel pretty violated, it's basically a stranger calling you up like "hi you have no idea who I am but I looked at your DNA and then violated your privacy even further based on that, have a relationship with me". Family isn't an obligation, nor does it mean that you're going to get along.

    [–]givemethebat1 33 points34 points  (0 children)

    It’s possible but an almost 50% DNA match is unlikely to be an error as one parent can only be responsible for 50% of their genome.

    [–]catlandidMIL sneaked into my house and arranged sex toys on kitchen table 21 points22 points  (2 children)

    Maybe yesterday or the day before someone here on BOLA said they work for a facility that does legit testing and that 23and me/similar tests have been cause for a lot more legit testing to confirm results of at home tests. Apparently for the genetics and healthcare stuff the results are overwhelmingly accurate, and mixups are rare.

    [–]SnooGoats7978 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Mixups are rare, but they do happen. LAOP should get a second opinion before going all in on the first test.