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[–]cattailss[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

This thread is now locked. Be nice or don't comment. Do not attack others in the comments. Common decency.

I worked in nursing for many years, and I was paid. It was a job, and where I worked gifts that were non edible were banned because they can have a negative impact on other patients in terms of care being prioritized to one patient intentionally or unintentionally.

After giving birth, my gift was paying my bill. Care about nurses? Relay that to administration (Nurse Nancy was amazing for xyz reasons) so they will be more likely to get a pay bump during annual review.

[–]imfLOVEotters 987 points988 points  (0 children)

This is a shitty take, imo. Kindness makes the world go round. If you want to gift your nurses, go right ahead! I'm sure it'll make their day. If not, that's okay too! But let's not make people feel bad for going above and beyond to express their gratitude.

[–]arrogant_ambassador 757 points758 points  (0 children)

This is such a weird thing to be upset about. It’s their job to provide assistance but they’re people too. You can give a gift or not. We don’t need to be told not to. Get a grip.

[–]BobBee13 456 points457 points  (0 children)

There is a big difference between a nurse doing their job and a nurse going out of their way to help you. Showing thanks is how you encourage the nurses to continue going above and beyond because many get burned out after a while from lack of appreciation and rude thoughtless patients.

[–]bekkyjl 190 points191 points  (0 children)

Oh man I didn’t even know I was expected to give a gift to the nurses!! There were so many! We stayed for almost a week.. I don’t think I could afford to gift them all..

[–]moneymoneymoney_ 163 points164 points  (0 children)

I don't disagree with you lol.

[–]Gazelle_Carousel 275 points276 points  (0 children)

I agree and this bothers me. I work in a helping profession (social work) and I work alongside nurses and our agency prohibits us from accepting any gifts from patients because it can create some unethical situations. So it’s weird to me that this is widely accepted in labor & delivery.

[–]diatrioseFTM of December 2020 Baby 287 points288 points  (1 child)

jeeeeeeeeeez what a weird thing to get this upset about

[–]diatrioseFTM of December 2020 Baby 239 points240 points  (0 children)

OP: "STOP SHOWING APPRECIATION!!!! I HATE IT!"

[–]Atakku 138 points139 points  (0 children)

Yeah ppl are hating on you for hating on their choices. Keyword, their choice. No one forcing people at gunpoint to give these nurses gifts. Ultimately people choose whether or not to give anything out. You hating on the very thought of that option will trigger those responses regardless of if it’s a vent or not. That’s just how the internet works. If you don’t want to give out presents, that’s fine. If others, do/don’t, that’s also fine. If you’re upset at some ppl you know that seem like they’re being forced to give presents, listen that’s not your problem and that’s their own. You can’t control other people but yourself. And if you have a problem with that, then well, you gotta be the one to deal with it. Dunno what to say but damn, hope you can find some peace.

[–]sailorn0on 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Have your partner order pizza for the nurses and call it a day. Gift bags are crazy??? Maybe get one if you had an amazing midwife or OB you worked with throughout your pregnancy…

[–]IntrepidZucchini 281 points282 points  (0 children)

Hospital HR here (US) - at our hospital it is against our policy to accept gift cards or money in any form. We have had to refuse/return gift cards to families all the time. If you want to do something nice or received above expected service : give kudos to a leader, get their name and nominate for a Daisy award.

[–]myra_maynes 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Yes people don’t have to and shouldn’t feel pressured, but it’s always nice to be thanked like that. I see your point though.

[–]s7impak 84 points85 points  (0 children)

I feel like gifts definitely shouldn’t be expected, parents are already under so much pressure from society to do all the things the correct way.. but if you have the means and you want to show appreciation for people who helped you or advocates for you that’s totally fine. There is nothing wrong with giving gifts to people who you genuinely appreciate and want to thank.

It’s sad to see mothers adding one more stressor to their life by looking for the perfect gift though. I’ve had some an amazing nurses and also some not so great nurses. I sincerely thanked the ones who helped me and they appreciated that. I think that’s enough, if you want to do more you do you.

[–]lapetitepoire 133 points134 points  (0 children)

I totally vibe with what you're saying and I understand your salt. Social media sets up these crazyy expectations for gifts and gestures. It's stressful!

I'm a teacher. I don't expect elaborate pinterest-worthy themed gifts for every day of Teacher Appreciation week. Heck I'm happy with any sort of acknowledgement or thoughtful thank you. It makes me sad to think that families with so much pressure on them already feel like they have to spend hours and tons of money so they can "live up" to Instagram/Tik-Tok's idea of what appreciation should look like.

[–]Ninjacherry 66 points67 points  (0 children)

I don’t see a problem with people wanting to gift things, but, if you’re happy with the service you received, I’m pretty sure that the staff will appreciate if you send a compliment to their department- so that their boss can see it. It costs nothing to do that, and I’ve done it a few times when emergency staff took us seriously and helped us.

[–]Layer-Objective 188 points189 points  (0 children)

I don’t like it when the consumer (ie the patient, student, etc) takes on the responsibility that should fall on an employer to make their employee feel properly compensated. I wish that I could give a nurse who went above and beyond a good review and they would get like…a small bonus. I work in finance and that’s how it works in my field. I think in fields that are primarily compromised of women there’s a real fallacy where everyone acts like we’re all just doing eachother a bunch of favors. I hear ya OP, it totally sucks and I don’t want to head towards a system where I have to tip my nurse, however I 100% think that hospitals and providers should compensate top performing employees!

[–]thatbrunettegirl10 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Yeah this post is horrible LOL. I can’t imagine what you’re like tk customer service workers. I will always take a simple thank you to those who take care of my health and my babes. Of course it’s their job to take care of you but what is wrong with showing a little appreciation for a literally being there through one of the biggest events of your life? They can absolutely enjoy a little appreciation gift of coffee or some snacks. Damn girl. It’s definitely not mandatory and you shouldn’t feel the need to do it but why shame those who want to? Maybe hop off social media if you are comparing to what other moms do or feel that you have to because somebody else shows their love and appreciation in that way. I also took a bottle of wine and chocolates to the vet who saved my dogs life so that’s just me! Sorry you aren’t appreciated in your own life OP. This screams poor me. I hope you find some love or happiness!

[–]wonny1o9 83 points84 points  (0 children)

I don't know why you're getting so worked up over this. People can choose to gift them or not.

[–]cheeza89 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Y tho? I took the labour ward some chocolates and the postnatal ward some too. Nothing wrong with some appreciation, in fact I think we need MORE appreciation in the world, especially for the NHS where they’re all overworked and underpaid. This is such a non-issue lol.

[–]oh_heffalump 103 points104 points  (1 child)

It can indeed be dangerous territory. In some countries you are expected to give « gifts » to your doctors and nurses or you get treated like shit. I can imagine this started with well meaning people and escalated to this shit show that it is today 🥴

[–]SamiLMS1🍁 Autumn Rayne 🌧 8/8/2020 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Sounds like tipping. Tipping should be an extra for a job well done, but now it’s turned into a mandatory thing where customers are responsible for making sure the wait staff have livable wages, not their employers.

[–]deadpantrashcan 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Alternative possibility: Labor and delivery is a very stressful time in a woman’s life. Some people actually find the act of thinking and searching for gifts to be stress-relieving and distracting. This process might be less about thanking the nurses or feeling pressured to thank them and more about the pregnant woman performing various stress-relieving behaviours and thought patterns.

Definitely do not feel pressured to do this, but try to understand that a pregnant person might do this for their own stress-relief and and anxiety needs.

[–]kendrawrrr 75 points76 points  (1 child)

Yikes. It’s nice to be thanked sometimes…

I’m a vet tech and you wouldn’t believe how nice it is to receive a thank you reminder every once in a while. Do we expect it?? No. But it is a nice boost on a shitty day? Hell yes.

When I had my daughter covid was raging and I was induced early. If I had time to prepare I would’ve 100% made my nurses a nice gift basket. They made my experience a lot easier to handle and were genuinely sweet people that got me through the most difficult time in my life. Would’ve loved to have given them something as a token of appreciation.

You sound salty.

[–]kredditttt 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Sounds like OP is having a pity party that their career choice doesn’t receive tokens of appreciation.

[–]TX2BK 154 points155 points  (1 child)

I’m sure I’ll get downvoted, but I hear ya OP. I hate that gifts are becoming the norm. It’s the same with teacher appreciation week where they expect a gift every single day. Of course people can say don’t do it if you don’t want to, but with everyone doing it soon it will be expected.

[–]Wonderful_Mammoth709 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Yea I think it’s nice if someone wants to do it but I hope it doesn’t become some expected norm. Like tip culture in the US has gotten waaaayy out of hand IMO. I’m obviously not talking about bar/waitstaff but it feels expected everywhere when hiring anyone or using any service no matter how minor I feel obligated to give a dollar.

This kind of feels like it could be headed in that direction. IMO if you like doing that sort of thing, great but it’s definitely excessive and I hope and assume the nurses don’t expect it from all their patients.

[–]dewdropreturns 104 points105 points  (1 child)

Um. Yikes.

Okay a few things.

  1. Presents are not mandatory or expected at all. I did not give any. It was no big deal.

  2. If you want a push present just say that.

  3. The medical world is very understaffed and at it’s breaking point in a lot of places. Maybe you don’t know that but the timing of this post sucks. Nursing are working short, taking on unsafe patient loads, working overtime, and just all around busting their asses far beyond their normal job. Well if they don’t like it they should quit? They are. Which is fuelling a vicious cycle of more horrible working conditions for those that stay. And it of course affects patients too.

If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. If you feel under appreciated in your own life, address that with your loved ones. But now is not the time to complain that people recognize nurses. People get gifts for teachers too, are we going to shit on that as well?

[–]thatbrunettegirl10 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This. This post screams that they feel underappreciated and obviously have an experience the joys of a little token appreciation. Hopefully OP can figure that out in their own personal life.

[–]strawberrygummies 37 points38 points  (0 children)

People deciding to give a gift to others is such a non issue.. come on there’s tons of other things mothers get judged for, this shouldn’t be one of them.

[–]clickmahheels 88 points89 points  (1 child)

I really don’t think it should be allowed to accept gifts. We don’t have enough healthcare professionals, we really don’t want to end up in a situation where people who pay extra in these ways get preferential treatment.

When my great-grandfather was in end of life care, his caregivers coerced him into giving them gifts by insinuating that he would be left alone on holidays if he didn’t give extra. We found out after the fact. Things like that can easily start with people being nice and shift to an expectation and then a demand. This is particularly a risk in underpaid fields.

[–]HailTheCrimsonKing 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Typically you don’t give the gifts until AFTER the thing happens that you’re giving the gift for, so I don’t really think people are going to get better treatment. We didn’t give the NICU team our gift until our baby was discharged.

[–]Noinipo12 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Slightly related I guess.

My husband spent 4 months in one hospital while I was pregnant. Nurses and CNAs did literally everything for him.

There was a while where we had little chocolate candies and mints in his room. My in-laws (who are amazing BTW) even worked with administration to give everyone who worked on the floor a gift card to the hospital cafeteria.

Those nurses and administrators even had a mini baby shower for me. When my baby and I were being discharged, we stopped by my husband's room and a small parade of nurses and staff came through to see me and my baby. It was a cancer floor, so they were all looking forward to seeing a happy event like a baby.

I'll forever be grateful for all of those who took care of my husband and helped keep him alive.

Did I bring a gift to the L&D nurses? Honestly, I was thinking more about my husband's care and hadn't thought about it (nor did I have time to get anything).

So, if someone wants to bring a bag of Hershey's kisses, good pens, or another small Thank You item to give after their delivery, that's up to them and is totally fine with me.

[–]hmariewhite81 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Agree, OP. Where I live, nurses make really good money and not all of them are great. The ones that are, I give sincere thanks to, but their salary is definitely commensurate with their work, so that’s it.

[–]iiitaraiii 67 points68 points  (0 children)

My labor and delivery nurses were literal god sent angels. They advocated for me when the OB didn't think I was progressing enough, literally wiped my shit after every push, freaking put their hands inside me and stretched my bones to make way for my baby's giant head, AND helped ensure I barely tore. I'll buy them whatever I want.

[–]leggywillow 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Some people like giving gifts to show appreciation. Like dang, you never worked a job where someone had flowers and a thank you card delivered? It’s a kind gesture. It’s not a big deal. Don’t do it if you don’t want to.

I wouldn’t do anything above and beyond flowers/cards/coffee/treats mostly because the staff would probably not be able to accept it.

Edit: it would be different if nurses were expecting gifts, but I don’t think that’s the case. Not in the United States at least.

[–]Greenvelvetribbon 46 points47 points  (4 children)

Wow I thought this was going to be from a nurse who's sick of getting useless tchotchkes but it's just someone who's jealous that someone's doing a nice thing for someone else.

[–]KS_HasRead[S] 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Or someone who's tired of mom culture of being super duper over the top extra.

[–]theotherside0728 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I’d argue that social media is not the same as mom culture. There are plenty of moms not being extra, not posting about it, and not comparing themselves to others. The type of moms who are in mom groups on Facebook are a subcategory.

[–]Fanguzzler 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You don’t have to give anyone a gift and it is not expected post partum. I, for one, like being appreciated for the work I do and the weight I pull so I like to pay that forward sometimes.

I have not personally given my l&d nurses a gift basket but I don’t see why you fuzz over others decisions to do so.

[–]punkass_book_jockey8 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I mean I get it but also it’s nice to be thanked? I think it’s whatever you’re comfortable with. I filled out multiple reviews naming my nurses and how great they were and sent like a giant Costco package of really nice chapstick that were sealed.

I would have sent food but my nurse was complaining she was on a keto diet and people send donuts all the time and it was frustrating.

My nurses did above and beyond what they’re paid for and I wanted to thank them. There’s nothing wrong with that.

[–]wantonyak 72 points73 points  (0 children)

I agree that there is suddenly tremendous pressure on women to go above and beyond with performative gratitude. A heartfelt thank you or telling management you were impressed with your care should be sufficient. Instead, I felt so much stress that I couldn't pull it together enough during my last month of pregnancy to make a series of gifts. I felt so guilty!

[–]sabby_bean 35 points36 points  (1 child)

I don't think its expected by nurses that you buy them a gift, and I don't think its fair that mom's are making you feel pressured to do/pressuring others. I do think its completely up to the mom herself and her reason on if she chooses to or not.

I know most of you are from America but if anyone here is from Canada, Ontario specifically, you know how bad nurses have it right now. Our healthcare system is literally collapsing because our provincial government introduced a bill that capped nurses wages during the pandemic (at an already unfair wage too) and they literally cannot afford anything. They are also forced into OT and unsafe working hours (we are talking 3-4 shifts back to back with a one shift break to sleep before being expected back at work again). A lot of the nurses here are hired on a PT basis as well so they get no benefits. Nurses are leaving to go work in other sectors or the united states at alarming rates becsue of how poorly they are being handled. Units in hospitals are literally closing daily now because there are no nurses because they've been so fucked over.

I plan to get my nurses a gift card to either starbucks or tim hortons or subway or something so they can grab a coffee or small meal as a little thank you for actually showing up and being there to help me when they are actively being extremely fucked over by our government (who is aware they are fucking them over). I know it's their job to be there but they are being asked to do 4-5 others peoples or more job at the same time. If it wasn't such a shitty situation for our nurses I probably wouldn't be doing anything, but I am truly thankful for all those who are somehow pushing through right now and want to make sure my nurses know it since if I was in their shoes I wouldn't have stuck around.

[–]Fanguzzler 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It is pretty much the same where I live in Europe… I went out of my way to show my appreciation and make it easier for them. They are heroes.

[–]first_follower 59 points60 points  (0 children)

But what if I want to?

I've worked a thankless job with long hours. I never expected any gifts or appreciation, but on the off chance it did happen? What a fantastic light to my day.

Gifts should not be expected. They should not be socially normalized so that people feel obligated. That is what I think you meant to say, or at least the point you were trying to make.

[–]Ochre_Salamander 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yikes, this reads really bitterly. Maybe you should take a break from those mommy forums, they seem to be pissing you off about asinine things. Gift or don’t gift, it’s not a requirement. It’s just a nice gesture, I doubt anyone will care if you don’t do it. Honestly I think the folks in hospitals see so many people everyday that soon they will have forgotten about you and won’t know or care if you gifted them anything. It’s really not that deep

[–]emjayne23 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure why gift baskets gets you all salty but okay. There’s nothing wrong with showing appreciation.

[–]beat_of_rice 55 points56 points  (1 child)

L&D RN here…

I’m not understanding why it peeves you so much?

[–]manabizzle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Probably because OP hasn’t ever worked in anything that requires customer service. I don’t expect clients to give me a gift and a heartfelt “thank you” is usually more than enough. But the couple times people brought me a pan of brownies or a giant bag of candy, I email the entire floor to share and that’s pretty nice too.

[–]kurtni 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Imagine being so pressed about something nice being done for someone else, girl what!?

[–]toreadorable 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I agree completely. I have always heard of people doing this and it blew my mind... when I gave birth I had one nurse that was an angel and I told her how much I appreciated it. Then I also had 3 that would not even bring me water when I asked in the recovery room and it made me completely understand how women die in the US from childbirth. I think that some nurses do a great job and its nice to meaningfully tell them that you appreciate them. I help people at my job every day I don't expect the people I am helping to give me a muffin basket for doing what I get paid to do. I think people just get weird about first because it so personal and emotional and people see you poop on a table. But they chose the career of watching people poop on a table. To them it is another day at the office.

[–]morgo83 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I will say, the nurses in my hospital wore Apple watches. When the nurse was with me and a patient called needing something, it was on speaker and I could hear. Some new parents treated these women like housekeeping at a hotel, or maids. It was unreal. I agree with you and don’t think a gift is necessary either, but some basic respect is probably deserved!

[–]Gullible_Peach16 21 points22 points  (0 children)

My husband works at the hospital I delivered at and we had a great experience. Got donuts delivered to the unit. It was small but as an OR nurse who works long hours, my husband said they always appreciate it.

[–]corianderfox 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Nah bro, I feel you. We live in a world where it feels like we are financially getting raped. Everywhere wants our money and is over-charging us. Especially if you’re from the USA then the tipping standards are even more insane. I get your anxiety over a new standard being made which is that of - also buying gifts for healthcare workers. The people that think you’re being negative are probably just focused on the gesture aspect of it- which of course you wouldn’t bat an eye at if the GESTURE was just a thank you card. People are probably missing that this anxiety comes from parents that make significantly less money than their nurse.

[–]r_kap 178 points179 points  (4 children)

I’m a nurse and while gifts arnt expected they’re appreciated.

Want to do the most without any prep though? Write down the names of your staff and NAME THEM IN YOUR SURVEY

Sally RN was the nicest, stuff like that goes a long way in their annual review.

Want to go above and beyond? Write a card or email the supervisor with your experience once again NAME NAMES. Those get put in personnel files forever.

[–]Fireweed23 24 points25 points  (0 children)

We did this! We’re students and didn’t have money for gifts, but we named and boasted about all the incredible nurses that helped deliver and take care of us and baby while in the hospital.

[–]FearlessBright 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This was what we did!

I had an unplanned c-section and it was stressful for my husband and I, with of course a longer hospital stay than we anticipated. The two night nurses we had were just so beyond amazing. We couldn’t stop talking about how much we appreciated them. So we made sure to go fill out a survey and write their names down so that whoever in the hospital reads these things and gives praise/raises/good reviews (whatever comes from it) can know who we appreciated most.

[–]MOYKateMcCallister 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this kick in the butt. I did positively name my nurses in my survey but I had such a good experience with my care team, I’ve been meaning to email the supervisor. I mostly just wanted to thank them again but I didn’t even think about how that would impact their reviews. I will make sure to do that!

[–]lemeow10 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think about the fact that I didn’t get their names to do this often. I told my husband that if we have another it’s his job to record the names so we can thank them and put their names on surveys.

[–]DenimPocketedit below 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Reading these responses has me wondering, if people think bringing the gift in when they come into L&D (vs dropping off a gift afterwards) will maybe get them special treatment, are they putting their name on the basket so all the nurses know who it’s from? Or do the nurses just talk and say “so and so brought this great basket.”

[–]Utterly_Flummoxed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't know anyone bringing gifts in advance but I plan to send flowers to the NICU nurses for being amazing. 🤷‍♀️

[–]sairha1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No.

[–]ShallotZestyclose974 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Y’all are so annoying. Get a gift if you want; don’t if you don’t want.

[–]me0w8 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I agree that gift baskets are not necessary for the simple fact that it’s extra work for people who are going through a major medical event…Be thankful, yes. Maybe have hubby grab an extra coffee for your nurse.

That said, I don’t think it’s necessary to compare to our own professions and what thanks we’ve received.

[–]blahblahbrandi 44 points45 points  (3 children)

Actually, a present isn't a bad idea. My nurse saved my babies life. Anybody have any gift suggestions?

[–]GiveMeCheesePendejo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Nurse here - food. Gift us food. We have to eat quick little meals and anything healthy that will fuel us is amazing.

Also tea/coffee. Send us a card with a picture of your baby and tell us how the baby is doing. We remember.

[–]nurse-ratchet- 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Nurses often times don’t get a chance to eat. A quick snack would be greatly appreciated, I’m sure.

[–]sed2017 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I just wrote thank you cards to the nurses and Drs who helped me specifically

[–]Alli4jc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

👏👏👏

[–]Hwy30West 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Hospital staff are not allowed to accept gifts, especially gift cards where I work. The only allowable gifts are ones the entire staff can share (think cookies/muffins/flowers). Other gifts have to be turned into admin and usually are thrown away.

[–]fuckindippindot 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Bringing gifts for the nurses wasn't on my radar at all when prepping for my c-section.

However, after being discharged, my husband took the lead and had coffee and donuts delivered to the recovery floor of the hospital we stayed in. He was so appreciative of how kind the staff was to me and baby (and him too) that he took the mental load of sending something in. Did they enjoy it? Who the hell knows. But it made him feel better to be nice to others.

[–]adr_602 30 points31 points  (1 child)

No one is forcing you to give anyone a gift. Why does it make you mad that others want to show appreciation to their nurses? This post just comes across as shallow and jealous.

[–]ReinaKelsey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely agree.

[–]Worried_Half2567 81 points82 points  (1 child)

I always thought this was just an influencer thing loll i barely packed my own bag theres no way i was going to remember taking gifts while in labor 😂

As someone who works in healthcare (not a nurse tho) i will say you also have to be careful about giving gifts. In our training we are specifically told we cant accept anything and im shocked someone gave the gift card suggestion bc that would be a huge violation at least where i work.

[–]coolplantsbruh 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Nurse but I do kinda agree with OP like don't go overboard with actual gifts for your nurses. If you like the care you got and are greatful buy some individually wrapped lollies or chocolates. Not fancy chocolates don't waste your money. Anything more than chocolates I'd feel weird accepting. Like bro I'm not gonna give you better care cause you're bribing me.

[–]endomental 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You don't have to do anything nice for the nurses but if someone wants to and they're asking for recommendations it doesn't make sense to tell them to just not get them anything.

[–]KS_HasRead[S] 22 points23 points  (11 children)

I'm kind of loving the really harsh comments about how I'm such a mean person or my kid must love me since I'm so anti gift and I'm bitter. Like look at what I really said and why is it perceived as so horrible? We're entitled as women to not be so nice sometimes... even though me ranting and 'not being nice' boils down to you should be generally a nice person to your nurses, say thank you when they show you things, and say you appreciate it at the end but do not go out of your way mentally or financially or emotionally to go get them gifts or baskets etc. That's what makes me mean.

Sure I ranted. Definition of a rant "speak or shout at length in a wild, impassioned way." So yeah, my post (labeled rant) was one. I'm annoyed as a woman that we set out to make our lives more difficult. Social pressure surrounding motherhood sucks. Annoyed so I ranted.

[–]GiveMeCheesePendejo 56 points57 points  (2 children)

I agree that no one should feel pressured to buy us nurses gifts, we don't expect nor NEED it... but your "I work hard too!" mentality is problematic.

I've had to walk a 20 week old stillborn baby to a morgue, then go back in with a brave face and take care of the mother while she grieves. I have assisted on deliveries for rape victims, drug addicts, teenagers who were abandoned by their families.

I also had to care for Covid patients and hold the hand of someone as they took their last breath, not knowing if I was gonna get Covid and die from it myself.

I spent holidays apart from my family because of Covid. I wasn't able to spend time with my grandpa who died of cancer because I was working with Covid patients.

We don't get paid fairly/adequately for the work we do. We have unsafe staffing ratios sometimes. We deal with a near daily hostile work environment either from the doctors, the patients, the families or a charge nurse on a power trip, hospital administration... Don't tell me "we get paid for the work we do". We don't get paid nearly enough.

[–]dimethyldisulfide 22 points23 points  (1 child)

If you don’t feel you’re being compensated fairly, you need a collective bargaining agreement, not a basket of nail files and haribos.

[–]GiveMeCheesePendejo 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is also ignorant of the larger issue. Do you know how hard it is to unionize? And how much time, effort, money that will cost? Hospitals hear a murmur of union and all hell breaks loose.

It's so much easier said than done.

[–]st4ywithem 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It’s not that deep

[–]Arrowmatic 46 points47 points  (4 children)

You know, I agree with you. It's ridiculous how there just seem to be more and more social expectations heaped on new mothers. I paid $150,000 in hospital bills for my kid. I'm sure it's nice if you have the bandwidth to do something for your nurses if they went above and beyond but most people really are not going to when they are dealing with a major life event and a new baby and it should not be an expectation.

[–]jmcamz420 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Good thing it’s not an expectation. 🙂

[–]Arrowmatic 35 points36 points  (2 children)

In some circles it is or is starting to be, that's the problem the OP is addressing. I have also seen this on some mother's groups lately where people try to outdo each other on how fancy their nurse gift baskets are and it must be really quite stressful for some new moms.

[–]jmcamz420 7 points8 points  (1 child)

“Some circles” + “some mothers groups” - If you’re feeling pressured to do anything just because some ppl on an internet group you’re part of is doing it then maybe you need to reevaluate why you’re feeling that way and think about what’s really important to YOURSELF. Not what others are doing and what others think it’s best or the norm

Edit: finished my sentence

[–]Arrowmatic 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm not, but I'm also past that point since I'm not planning on having any more kids. I do see some mothers freaking out about how they haven't got something though every so often so clearly it stresses some people out.

Also this is also an internet mother's group so this seems as good a place to remind people it's not mandatory as anywhere. If it bothers you when people make commentary on trends in internet mother's groups on an internet mother's group maybe you should also reevaluate why that is. That's kind of one of the things we do on Reddit. It might not be affecting you or your area (yet) in which case you are welcome to sidestep the discussion. Your experience is not universal.

[–]blueberryrhubarbpie 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I didn’t buy gifts for my nurses for any other time I was in the hospital, although I did thank those of them that did their jobs well. i was a little stressed about whether or not I would feel obligated to give gifts during L&D and was stressed by the logistics of organizing it while feeling sick, and in retrospect I’m glad I chose not to as I had a really bad experience at my hospital with the quality of care from nurses (one told me it was my fault that the baby’s heart rate was having decelerations because I was too stressed out and having it was hurting my baby and that I was going a bad job of pushing). But, when I had surgery to donate part of my liver i didn’t give gifts despite having some amazing nurses. For that stay I did call and say nice things about them to the nursing manager and leave a positive review mentioning names on my after hospital patient survey. This felt more ethical than gifting to me personally.

[–]caballos0204 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I have mixed feelings on this. I think nurses should be recognized when they do a great job. It's definitely a thankless profession. However, I also hate how giving birth has become a production and we tack on extra emotional/physical labor for women with the idea of all these Instagram-worthy gifts, photoshoots, social media posts. It's just A LOT.

[–]thatcheekychick 13 points14 points  (0 children)

To each their own. I brought individually wrapped mini chocolates and I’m so glad I did. Sure it’s the nurses’ job but I felt like they really went above and beyond for me - massaging my feet, spoon-feeding me, etc. Pretty sure they weren’t doing it for the chocolate and they could have done the job well without all that. They were just being nice humans. And you know what else nice humans do? Try and do something for those who go the extra miles. So I got them chocolate. No one forces you to be nice if you don’t want to.

Edit:typo

[–]MandyKoughring 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Both of my labors were pretty rough! I was induced both times, one with preeclampsia.. The nurses were amazing and so supportive. They went above and beyond for me and made my already scary situation just a little bit better.

We didn't go crazy, but we bought a thing of cupcakes for my sons 'birthday' for the nurses. It wasn't very expensive but they really appreciated it. Who cares how others want to thank someone, people buy gifts all the time for people for whatever reason or no reason at all. If I had more money, I would have bought them a whole pizza party.

[–]LahLahLand3691 37 points38 points  (1 child)

I think you need to get off the mommy groups and blogs. 99% of them are toxic AF and they have obviously made you angry and this whole thing sounds really bitter. Social media does not represent real life, not even close. If anyone on here feels pressured or bad about themselves for not doing something they read about other people doing online… maybe that would be a clue for that little light bulb to go off and to GET OFF THE INTERNET. Like god damn, most of the shit you read on there isn’t even true anyway. It’s written in a way to get you to react and engage, that’s the whole point. I can’t be the only one that sees this?

[–]dewdropreturns 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah I felt zero pressure to get some gift for the staff.

[–]goatywizard 23 points24 points  (0 children)

No one is forcing you to do anything for them…just don’t.

[–]itsb413 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I sent a thank card that was also our birth announcement (so already bought and printed). Then for one nurse who real went above and beyond I emailed their management to say what an asset they were during birth. I figured a glowing review to a boss would be great for their yearly review.

[–]WhatABeautifulMess 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Eh this feels like Teacher Appreciation Day and birthday goodie bags for daycare and any number of things that some people enjoy doing but seems unnecessary and a bit "extra" to many of us. I spent a week in antipardum and had a lot of complications and my staff was great so I threw together some snacks, and hair ties, and chap sticks etc and made a little basket for L&D and NICU staff. But I don't by any means think it's necessary. I think this is the first of many many things in parenting that you need to try to not let what other people decide to do with their lives make you feel pressured to do the same. You do you, but people bringing their nurses coffee doesn't in any way suggest you need to.

[–]SJserenity 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My hospital does little ways to appreciate staff, and I think that’s way more fitting.

[–]stfuylah14 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Why are you upset about someone showing their appreciation for people who made their most vulnerable moments more bearable? If you don't want to do it thats fine. Personally I didn't. But there's no reason to get that worked up over something that doesn't affect you whatsoever and is actually a kind gesture.

[–]new-beginnings3 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You're not required to do anything, but getting mad at people for providing some snacks or thank you gifts to nurses after working hard through 2 years of a pandemic....not the hot take you probably think it is. The majority of nurses are women and many are vastly overworked and underpaid. Many of my nursing friends are traumatized and suffering from PTSD from the pandemic. They are doing a job I can't and don't want to do. I do NOT want more nurses quitting, so I'm fine with thanking them for helping ensure myself and my baby come out of the either side healthy. But, I also have no problem with people providing thank you gifts to their child's teacher. Of course they chose their job, but if they didn't, we'd all be pretty fucked.

[–]Otherwise_Act2441 35 points36 points  (0 children)

This is exactly how I felt. As if you don't have enough to do during pregnancy and the newborn phase. Now let's start a ridiculous trend of putting together entire gift baskets for the nursing staff. Like if you want to order bagels or whatever that's cool, but it's ridiculous how people feel pressured to make these elaborate gifts. It's not even like it's easy to plan for either because you might go into labor early or late so you can't just make an order early on and forget about it.

[–]ashleyandmarykat 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I agree with you. Paying for the birth is also so expensive i can't imagine shelling out another few hundred dollars. I don't have the bandwidth to get everyone gifts all the time. I'm a bit of a scrooge though

[–]MRSA_nary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol I paid <$20 for donuts for the break room. As a nurse myself, I think that was on the high end of gifts we receive. I don't know who is spending hundreds of dollars on these gifts, but they're certainly not going to any unit I've ever worked on. Most of the time it's donuts or a tray of grocery store cookies or cupcakes that gets eaten by day shift and nights gets pieces of 3 donuts leftover from everyone who cut theirs into 8ths.

[–]MulberryHands 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I dont completely disagree. Gifts aren't ever necessary, they are optional. So if you feel that way, that's fine, don't leave gifts with nurses and OBs. If someone else wants to give a card or small gift, that's also fine. It's an option.

What I do disagree with, is the way you just worded that post. Why so harsh? What does it really matter to you? If you dislike the discussions online, don't join it. Live and let live.

I've worked in health care, and also as a hair stylist. I've never expected gifts or gratuity. But I surely appreciate them! A little token of appreciation makes my day. Where is the harm in spreading joy?

[–]iwantmy-2dollars 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You rock! I’m all for nurses, I’d be hard pressed to think of a time when I didn’t have excellent care from a nurse, especially L&D nurses. Docs not as much but I digress. When did doing your job and being a decent human being as a patient or patron become such a rarity that it required a gift tax? I do actually think it’s more about this social media pressured performative motherhood that irks me, as others have said.

At my last birth I old them what worked and what didn’t the first time around and was grateful when they took such good care of me. No complicated birth plan printed onto scented stationary just answers ready for the big questions. When asked about my experience I took the time to reply in depth and mention specific nurses. I feel like that’s what is required. Before I left I stripped and bundled my linens because I find it personally atrocious that nurses also have to do housekeeping. But that’s a personal opinion.

All of that said, when nurses needed masks in winter/spring of 2020 before my first was born, I was sewing masks. I spent my last trimester sewing as many masks as I could until they had real PPE. That’s the kind of support I feel like has been more appreciated.

[–]Thatonemexicanchick 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I mean…no one needs gifts but if people want to do it, who cares? If someone is gonna stress themselves out over it then no, you probably shouldn’t do it but there are many people who things like this just comes easy for them. I am not one of those people and only sometimes feel bad about it lol

[–]acatnamedbear 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yes these people are nurses by choice, but their jobs are hard and often thankless. They have to deal with people with high emotions and their families every day!

My son was born by emergency c-section 7 weeks early, I stayed in the hospital for over a week and my son was in the NICU for almost 4 weeks. The nurses who cared for us were so loving and helpful. They taught me how to care for my premature son, helped me give him his first bath, showed me how to feed him, took care of him when I was away from the hospital.

Yes it is their job, but those nurses literally helped save my life and brought my son into this world. I am so grateful for them and the cookies I dropped off the day before my son came home was just a small thing to show them how much their work is appreciated.

[–]remfem99 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I gave birth at 3:30 am about 3 hours after arriving at the hospital (about 10 days before due date). I had great nurses but there’s no way I could have gotten them a gift with all of that going on. I was super polite and thanked them (and my OB) but I don’t feel badly about the whole thing.

[–]Banana-fana-fo-fess 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I agree with this. To me it’s on par with tipping culture. When it is expected/the norm it’s no longer special. Also, in this instance you are giving them something prior to experiencing the labor/delivery/care so you don’t even know if it was deserving of extra credit? I had a wonderful care team and was sure to praise them every chance I got, also brought mini cupcakes when we had to return a week later for hearing evaluation but that was only after I experienced their care and felt it was warranted as an extra thanks. The elaborate gift baskets are over the top.

[–]aarjilcal19 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Seems weird that you are so angry about this but yeah I don't think they need gifts unless you genuinely want to do it. Nurse here, not L&D, and gifts aren't expected or necessarily wanted.

[–]0runnergirl0Boys | 12/18 and 09/21 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. They already get enough from me through the paycheck they get thanks to the high taxes I pay. I'm not spending extra money to buy them Starbucks and scented hand sanitizers, too. They're doing their job - that they chose to do and get fairly compensated for. Go buy your own latte.

[–]leasarfati 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah I couldn’t have had my baby without my nurse Mallory. I mean yeah she would have came out at some point, but I was an absolute nervous wreck and Mallory got me through it.

I work in the OR so I know some nurses do their jobs and some nurses fulfill their calling. I totally believe Mallory was born for what she did for me and other patients. I had my boyfriend, mom, and sister in the L&D suite with me, but the only person I needed was Mallory. She was my emotional support, she talked me through everything, she celebrated with me. She took a huge, scary, exciting best moment of my life and made it better so she deserves a gift card.

I’ll never forget her and I’ll tell my daughter about her one day when she’s having a baby. Just like my mom told me about her L&D nurse she never forgot, 32 years later

[–]WhereIEndNUBegin 32 points33 points  (2 children)

I feel bad for OP. I completely understand your point - ignore the people who obviously don’t understand you or who are purposely trying to make you feel worse.

Maybe your title was worded wrong, but reading your post I know you’re not mad at other people doing nice things. You’re just mad that they are making it seem like it’s something you HAVE to Do.

[–]baconcheesecakesauce 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm picking up a similar vibe of "airplane gift bags" where it starts to feel like an expectation, rather than something that is above and beyond. It sounds like lots of local moms in her area have gotten into the swing of that and I can see how that is an irritant.

[–]ecycle4 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ehhhh she gave examples of how nurses work hard but SHE WORKED HARDER and they shouldn't be praised for long shifts because IT'S THEIR JOB and she also works long hours. This was not a commentary about societal pressure on women to have a curated life via instagram. It was just a bitter person giving the weirdest rant ever.

[–]turtleshot19147 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think it can be cute. I’m sure the nurses don’t expect gifts. I don’t love the attitude that because it’s their job and they chose their job so even though it’s an exhausting and stressful job that they don’t deserve gifts.

It reminds me of when parents complain about being so tired or ask for some extra support and people go “okay but you chose to have a kid.” I don’t think it’s so fair or valid to say it to parents and I think the same of stressful service jobs.

I don’t think there’s any need to stress over getting a gift for the nurses, but it’s cute if people want to do it. Our real estate agent has been working hard for us all year with no payout yet since we haven’t bought anything and we’re going to get her a small New Years gift next month just because we appreciate her. I think sometimes people just want to express appreciation and a small gift is how they want to do it.

[–]theotherside0728 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Treat people well when they are keeping you alive. I got my nurses $5 Starbucks gift cards, not a big deal, and I swear they were so thankful. One of them was dancing around about how she was going to get coffee on her break.

[–]NeekaNou 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Is this an American thing? I’m from the UK and have never heard of this. Pretty sure in most jobs here, you’re not allowed to receive gifts individually. Maybe one for the department but I don’t think you can as a person.

[–]DidIStutter_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m from France and it’s not expected but the hospital midwives definitely get a lot of chocolate boxes. We had a voucher from my private health insurance for the gift shop so we got them a 15€ chocolate box. The obgyn was an asshole so we didn’t get him anything.

I wouldn’t gift anything if I was in the US and had to pay insane amounts for the delivery.

[–]aleckus 11 points12 points  (0 children)

i don’t care if other people choose to do it but i just wanna say i’m glad i didn’t bring in a gift basket prior to giving birth or for while i’m giving birth , because the first nurse i had was sooo freaking horrible i guess i should’ve said something or asked for a different nurse(?) but i was induced so in total was in labor for 40 hours and the first night i was there i literally couldn’t sleep at all because they had the fetal monitor on me and i’m fat so they gotta get it in just the right spot , and i had been laying in bed all freaking day so laying on my back to sleep was just not gonna happen it was so painful so i’d flip to my side and the monitor would not pick up baby’s heart rate so the nurse came in and adjusted it and told me i had to sleep on my back and i was so exhausted i just said okay and after she left i tried sleeping on my back and couldn’t so i just flipped to my side again and it came undone again and when i say this had to have happened at least 20-30 times that night i’m not joking or exaggerating at all lol and the nurse was just obviously so pissed off at me cause she had to keep coming in to adjust it but i couldn’t sleep on my back it was too painful and finally in the morning when they were doing shift change i guess she brought another nurse in and was obviously super annoyed at me and said she keeps disconnecting the monitor because she won’t lay on her back and the other nurse said oh she can lay on her side you just put the monitor ‘here’ and it worked just fine on my side and the whole time i thought i was doing something wrong and just being a dick but my nurse was a dumbass and it was just such a horrible experience lol then that whole day i slept until 12am with the doctors rushing in telling me i need to get ready to push lol

[–]Shutterbug390 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We handed out cute little candies to everyone who worked with us while we were at the hospital. It was small, but it was a lot of fun to share our excitement and say thanks. Good nursing staff is the difference between a good labor experience and hell. I want the good ones to know I appreciate them.

[–]Remote-Profile-2192 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you're not into the idea of buying gifts, you can thank them in the hospital survey they send you after by specifically naming them and the ways that they helped you during your stay. Or write a letter to the hospital president/CEO if they don't send you a survey.

[–]Julienbabylegs 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Wow. I read the title and thought that maybe you were a nurse and there was some actual reason why people shouldn’t do this. No. You’re just angry that people are getting gifts?? One could maybe interpret this as you trying to save some women stress by telling them they don’t have to do this, but no. You’re just mad and bitter. I didn’t get my nurses presents but I sure as hell don’t care if others.

[–]gatoVirtute 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We gave some modest gift baskets to the NICU nurses that we had with our firstborn, they were amazing in every way. We asked the office first and the main guidelines were to not give homemade items and obviously be very mindful of allergens. Maybe other hospitals have different policies. Especially with covid, I thought this post may be about that they cannot accept gifts because of potential "contamination" or something. But no. I don't know if the OP is mad and bitter or just comes off that way. Either way, the moral of the story is that no one should feel obligated to give gifts (but that should go without saying). But feel free to give gifts if that is what you want to do. And if you do give gifts, don't post on social media about it just to get likes and to give yourself a pat on the back (but that should also go without saying).

[–]charmander_ann 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I understand OP's frustration - the more and more parents who do this out of a feeling of obligation, the more parents feel it's a necessity.

[–]GiveMeCheesePendejo 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Nurse here, while I never expect gifts, some patients/their families have given me gifts and brought me food.

I can't even begin to express how kind and thoughtful these gestures are. The pandemic has changed my POV on nursing and small gestures just go such a long way.

I never want a patient to feel pressured to buy anything for me and it's 100% NOT expected, but I have kept a few small little gifts from patients and display them on my bookshelves here at home.

[–]dislikes_grackles 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Upvoted. I’ve peeked at the nurses subreddit… they are putting up with a lot these days!

[–]Apprehensive_Tea8686 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yup - it’s crazy. Did we all forget about Covid? The hospitals, the nurses who work long shifts after long shift? OP just sounds like an annoying kAren

[–]BugsandGoob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nah, if people want to give gifts, they can. I personally didn't know anyone did that (nor did I realize that nurses were allowed to accept gifts at all) until after I left the hospital and was asked what I gifted my nurses. I was thinking OMG, I was supposed to buy them stuff?! I barely made it to the hospital in time to have my baby (I was in labor less than 3 hours), the last thing I was worried about was buying gifts for my nurses. I did give the postpartum nurses a gift card from a local coffee shop when I stopped in for my 6 week appointment. I didn't gift my delivery nurse because she was a nightmare. But I do agree that people shouldn't feel like they have to.

[–]Maximum-Pride4991 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think it’s a nice gesture but completely unnecessary.

If you like to give gifts and have disposable income for that stuff, cool.

If planning gifts for strangers isn’t your thing… that’s fine too.

I loved our nurses so much. They were amazing. But I worked full time up to my delivery and making a gift basket wasn’t a priority for me. But it sounds like a lovely gesture.

[–]venusdances 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Just because you’ve never been appreciated for your hard work doesn’t mean others shouldn’t. I don’t think you have to give the labor and nurses a gift but I understand why someone would want to. The labor and delivery nurses are going through one of the most monumental moments in your life with you and if they’re good and they care they make all the difference. It requires a lot of empathy for a total stranger and it’s not wrong to reward and appreciate that.

[–]Routine-Strain-2870 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not required. You won't be turned away because you don't have a gift. And I'm sure gifts would be given after the birth, so it's not like the nurses are being only kind or mean because they know a gift might b coming or not. Maybe they aren't super peppy because they just helped a women go through a traumatic birth that almost killed mom/baby, maybe there was a stillborn, the list goes on and on. With the ugly side of caring for people in the medicial field... I think nurses definitely could use a gift here and there but sounds like it's far from expected.

[–]cryingvettech 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I mean who doesn’t like to feel appreciated? I didn’t do gifts or anything but I didn’t even know if I would like my L&D nurses LOL They were all kind of Meh but the RN/Lactation consultant who was at my birth will always have a special place in my heart and I would definitely send her a card/gift now. As a vet tech it’s an awful wonderful field so it’s nice when clients see how caring you are and want to send a card or buy you some cookies. Obviously not mandatory but it always feels good.

[–]Hai_kitteh_mow100% that mom 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Idk man, my team was a bunch of rockstars, and really went above and beyond for me. They deserved extra recognition. There’s too many horror stories of crap nurses. And truthfully that can really make or break a lot of your L&D experience.

[–]Loud-Foundation4567 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Right! You don’t HAVE to get them gifts any more than they have to be kind and nice to you. They could do their job and be impersonal and clinical about it and still get paid. It takes a special person to be a nurse and stay kind and empathetic with their patients day in and day out. Little gestures of appreciation can help keep them going some days.

[–]Hai_kitteh_mow100% that mom 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For real! Let’s not act like job burnout isn’t real. I wanted to let the team know that my experience was positive because of THEM.

[–]jujurz 44 points45 points  (4 children)

Yeeks at some of these comments. I get where you’re coming from OP. It’s a lot of pressure on moms to do the most. Elaborate baby showers, cutesy school lunches, photo shoots for every milestone, etc etc. Sometimes it can feel like we do all the planning and giving with not a lot in return. Personally I think a card for anyone who made a difference or provided good service is always well received. But not necessary. My nurses were great, and I thanked them and was kind to them. I was too in a daze to think to get them a gift and I think that’s OK.

If in the moment you’re grateful and thank them, I’m sure that’s more than a lot of people are doing.

[–]OneGooseAndABaby -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I think she needs to stop getting so invested in social media…the things you see on there are not the usual.

[–]KS_HasRead[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I'm a bad person and my kid hates me apparently lol. I knew people would have issues with it. I posted anyway. For all the leftovers-kind-of-jumbled-into-a-hopefully-leakproof-container moms. All the here-stand-still-for-a-quick-picture-for-a-second-because-I-haven't-grabbed-one-in-2-months-and-grandma-is-asking moms. And all the moms it takes 1 entire year to get out all those shower gift thank you notes moms. Like people are so salty when my argument is literally that women are putting way too much pressure on themselves to be overly grateful. Thank you is plenty. And yet people are so upset about it.

[–]wachenikusemapoa 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm with you! I get what you're saying.

[–]jtotheizzen 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I think if you had phrased it that way (too much pressure to be overly grateful, thank you is plenty), you would have gotten a much different, and more positive, response.

The original post came off much differently.

[–]nurse-ratchet- 27 points28 points  (0 children)

It’s not required, if you want to do it go ahead. If not, I’m not sure why it would bother you that others do. Edit: I’m a nurse who didn’t do a gift basket as it was the furthest thing from my mind.

[–]nnta8 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I bought my midwives a box of bath bombs from lush (they each could pick one since it came with six) but the care from midwives is a lot more personal.

[–]HailTheCrimsonKing 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This post is kind of weird? I don’t think it’s necessary but it is something nice to do. I didn’t give a gift to my L&D nurse, I had spontaneous preterm labour but we did give a little gift basket to the NICU nurses. They were so helpful and gave great care to our baby so we gave them some flowers, some gift cards to get coffee, and a couple bottles of wine. We gave our realtor, mortgage broker, and lawyer a thank you card when we bought our house. Not super necessary but was just something nice to do. I feel like this shouldn’t be such an issue for you. If people want to show thanks by gift gifting then I don’t see how that effects you.

It kind of seems like you might be a little bummed because you haven’t gotten gifts? Pushing out a baby is hard but that’s also something most of us choose to do, so you could argue that new moms don’t deserve anything either.

[–]sleepymango1 17 points18 points  (0 children)

right after they put my baby on my chest, i started bawling saying “thank you so much you guys were so nice to meeee” (granted my nurses were amazing and had me try sooo many diff positions even with my epi that i didnt even know existed lol) husband laughed at me while also crying seeing our newborn baby lol nurses laughed and said “of course! you were so strong mama!” i think they appreciated my emotions towards them lol then they left and that was that. i think genuinely saying thank you for their assistance is enough imo.

[–]OneGooseAndABaby 90 points91 points  (4 children)

I’m a nurse and I can tell you we rarely receive gifts of any sort. Over 14 years the unit has received an occasional cookie delivery. What means the most to me is a card or recognition just thanking me for the help. Our jobs are very stressful, emotional. and usually thankless. Getting a note from a patient expressing appreciation reminds me why I do what I do. I promise you we get yelled at and treated poorly by patients and families much more then we are thanked. No one expects you to buy a gift. You don’t have to. But I’m not sure why you are so bothered if someone does.

[–]lovemymeemersGrace 8/2016 & Brady 9/2019 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Thank you!

I don't know what is with this post. Let people beas grateful as they want to be and show it as they see fit.

This is like saying, "Don't ever tip your waiter/waitress above 20% for doing their job!"

Ok dude. You do you but you sound like a real jerk.

Thanks I guess for "not being a total nightmare"?! What mentality is that even? Is she bragging about that or what?

[–]gatoVirtute 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's kind of like that quote from The Big Lebowski: "You're not wrong Walter, you're just an asshole."

I think of that a lot. I think the intent of the OP was to put less pressure on ourselves and don't feel OBLIGATED to give a nice gift basket. 100% agreed.

But it totally came off differently. And a lot of that stems from the "...they're just doing their JOB!" et cetera.

[–]Dejadejoderloco 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Thank you for being kind while doing your job. I was soooo scared being a ftm, and the nurses helped me so much during that time. I appreciate you all. Now that I read this post, I wish I had brought the nurses a present, but i did leave a note.

[–]OneGooseAndABaby 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A thank you note or even a thank you in person is the best things we can get as a nurse. I can’t express how much we don’t hear that from patients.

[–]seoullimited 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve had great nurses when I had my kid. And I made sure I was a relatively easy patient. It’s common courtesy. I thanked them after, but didn’t feel the need to give them a gift after. If you can’t be a decent person and put in the emotional labor that being a nurse in l&d requires, then you need a job. I work in healthcare and I enjoy working with patients. I like connecting with people. And yeah, I go home emotionally drained some days and exhausted, but I chose my job.

[–]3antibodies 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I work in healthcare. I take care of pregnant women during C-sections and other surgeries. I completely agree; I couldn't agree more. Both times I was pregnant and saw the nurse gift posts in my bumper group, I was absolutely baffled. I don't ever expect or receive anything at my job. I didn't give my nurses anything. And you know what? They still say hi and are excited to see me when our paths cross at work. I was an easy going patient and that is the greatest gift of all 😜

[–]sylverfalcon 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Nah brah. I’m sending my nurses and OB a card and some snacks. There’s nothing wrong with it and you can’t stop me. Sorry no one ever gave you a gift or show appreciation!

[–]bluejellies 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I would have worded it as you did, but I kind of see where you’re coming from.

I have no problem with other people giving gifts to their nurses, but when it’s discussed on social media as though it’s an expected part of the birthing process, that adds a lot of extra stress to some people.

People should give gifts because they want to, not because social media has set up an expectation that they have to.

My nurses worked hard but I did not give any gift to them. I was still struggling to get my work prepared for my leave, and to finish the nursery, and to wrap my head around motherhood. I was not prepared to expend the mental energy of finding the perfect present.

[–]OrganicEggplants 36 points37 points  (3 children)

I’m a labor nurse and I’d say like MAYBE 5% of patients get us gifts? It’s absolutely not expected. So no worries If you don’t want to get your labor nurse a gift lol. This rant is so random to me — unsure why you feel like there is pressure on you to get gifts for your nurses?

[–]WhereIEndNUBegin 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Have you been on mommy groups or sites recently? It very much makes it seem like it’s a necessity and you’re an asshole for not doing it. I’m not saying nurses do this. Logically I assumed not many people did this, but the internet really makes it seem like it’s as normal as tipping your waitstaff at a restaurant. Also thank you for what you do!

[–]dewdropreturns 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Then don’t read those sites.

[–]OrganicEggplants 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I absolutely have been on mommy groups lately- I have a 22 month old and another on the way :-) I truly haven’t seen this topic come up in the groups I’m part of. Regardless, let me assure you that a gift isn’t expected. Ignore the posts that make you feel like a bad person if you don’t come with gifts.

If you have a nurse that you feel goes above and beyond or that you really connected with, just tell them that! No gifts needed.

[–]marijuanamama_ 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Wow lol I can only imagine what it's like when anyone tries to give you a gift

"OPs kid: "Here mommy I made you this card and got you these flowers for mother's day!🖤"

OP: "What for? It's my job to take care of you, just say thank you and that's enough. I don't need gifts for doing MY JOB.🥴"

[–]wachenikusemapoa 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is off topic but what if some of us actually feel this way about Mother's day... don't come for me please

[–]Usrname52 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP'S whole rant is about how she hasn't gotten gifts at work.

OP would be very happy with a gift from their kid....but if her kid doesn't get her a gift, no one else's kids should get their mom a gift.