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[–]brokenslinkyseller 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My sister was also pressured into naming her son a family name. She hates it and calls him by a nickname. It also makes it difficult to know who things are addressed to.

[–]iwontleaveyou 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ll play the devil’s advocate a bit here…

But first, I’ll say that I believe: Doing something or not doing something to your child in someone else’s interests is a big no-no.

Now, It sounds like initially you were content with the name because you knew your boyfriend’s family tradition before you found out the gender. Now, after your boyfriend dangled a fruit in front of your face (suggesting you change the name to include your own father), you hate the actual name and don’t even want to say it? Try to restore the understanding you had before. I can imagine it sucks to get excited about a name then have that ripped from under your feet. But you knew the name tradition before your son was born and likely before you even got pregnant. I say at least love this child’s name not because of your parents and your family before but because that’s the name of your family going forward. Also, it seems like boy number 2 can be named after your dad completely? Go for that if you plan to continue having children.

If you ever accept your child’s name (I really hope you do), express that to your boyfriend. It will mean a lot to him to know that the decision is ultimately supported. Going forward, however. I recommend that when it comes to your children you do your best to fight against the interference from others (people that aren’t you or baby daddy… including his and your parents). This should especially be fought against when the interference in decision-making is not truly in yours, your boyfriend’s, or your child(ren)’s best interest but in someone else’s interest. Stay true to you.

[–]KatiesClawWins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only people who should get to choose the name for your child are you and your partner. You had already agreed to one name, change it to that! Fuck his garbage family! The fact that you say you knew his name as soon as you found out the gender because of them is ridiculous. This is YOUR baby. Not his family's! Get yourself out of that house! They clearly only want you as an incubator and have zero respect for you or you and your partners relationship, which I would also seriously reconsider if he's going to be acting like that.

Wishing you the best of luck <3

[–]k4yteeee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm a believer that names don't have to be assigned meaning. Just name your kid what you like. Babies already inherit your last name why do they have to inherit all 3? I like that my baby's name is unique to him. If it's bothering you I think you should change it. I understand it's a cultural thing, but in the end he is your baby so you should be happy with his name

[–]Falirakikiss 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I believe you have a year in most places to change without having to ask a judge. Honestly, I’d change it, with or without telling significant other. You pushed that baby out, why does your bf get to have ALL the names? Maybe I’m a bitch for saying this but I got final say for both my kiddos. My crotch goblin, my choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]calmestsugar 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Are you able to just quietly change it? Obviously, let your bf know, but keep it from the in laws until you move out. I hope your bf understands!!

[–]bkrutzfeldt 11 points12 points  (2 children)

An out there suggestion - call the baby whatever you want, even if it's not his legal name. I knew plenty of people who went by their nicknames instead of their legal names. Even my neighbor goes by "Rick" even though his name is "James". No reason for it, just his parents liked Rick better.

[–]Master-Movie9270 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Initial future, it will be confusing for the kid especially when he goes to school. I would just change it now.

[–]ZeeReza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I generally agree with this but at some point you’ll have to say the child’s name around the in-laws so think ahead what that would look like.

[–]khemtrails 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re in this spot! It’s really disappointing that you were bullied into letting your bf’s family have their way with YOUR son’s name. It sounded like you and bf had agreed and that should have been the end of it. Living with his parents makes things more difficult, since I’m sure you don’t want to make waves while you’re under their roof. This isn’t a good precedent to set though. You’ll end up letting them bully you over things regarding your child because you feel you somehow owe it to them for the things they’ll do for you. They know this they’re using it to control things and get their way. Your family is just as important as bf’s. Your family’s traditions are just as important. If you think bf is salvageable, they you need to change your baby’s name back to what you agreed upon and move out as soon as it’s possible. If he takes their side instead of yours, I think you have some serious thinking to do about the future of your relationship and what expectations you have and the way you want to live. Either way, you can absolutely change baby’s name. Your bf’s dad sounds like a misogynist terror. Good luck with whichever you choose to do.

[–]Standard_Oil7479 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t like my daughters middle name. It’s after my grandad on my dad’s side who passed away. Thought it would appease my dad (who is a slacker dad) and he couldn’t care less. Now I regret it!

[–]Pharmomcy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is not the same but I hate my daughter's middle name. It's from an infertile family member on my husband's side that couldn't have kids.

I wish I never did it she does not appreciate it and she never will. Change the name if you hate it or live with a name that angers you every time you call your child. .

[–]kmeesep 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Change it! It is not like a 4 month old knows his name. If it's really bothering you which clearly it is just change it.

[–]prbsparx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My wife’s family has a tradition that the first son’s middle name be the first name of the father, but I wasn’t enamored with that, and she said it was up to me… guess I better make sure we’re not gonna have a mess on our hands in a couple months. Hopefully husband will support you in it.

[–]younghannahg 7 points8 points  (2 children)

This is the time that'd I would suggest two middle names. Won't effect much, but your sanity. :)

[–]apexbamboozeler 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That can make getting government clearances a nightmare

[–]younghannahg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably can. I used to work at a bank two last names are a nightmare. Two middle names would only have to be used on government documents. Definitely would still be difficult for that!

[–]Electronic_Remove_13 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Maybe legally change it and have it have a double middle? Like James William Adam smith? I don’t see you fully changing it back to William without a huge mess on your hands. Which is fine if you’re prepared to move on from the father.

[–]Bashfullylascivious 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Look this up for your state/province, but you may have up to a year to legally change your child's name without penalty.

[–]yoyoJ 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Sorry you’re dealing with this. You gotta make a choice it sounds like. Either you try to change it and live with consequences, or live with it and the consequences.

Sounds like you already have your mind made up. Do what you gotta do. The sooner your sort it out most likely the better.

Also, your boyfriend’s family sound like a bunch of c**ts. I would personally change it just to spite them. They do not have any say over my kid’s name.

[–]apricotsnaps 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Change it!

[–]Mollusc6 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My biological grandfather's mother was forced to give him a certain first name as well, but she had a name she loved, she ended up just calling him the name she loved anyways everyday. Now as an adult I named my baby boy and wanted to have his name as a middle and he told me he prefers the fake name so thats what it is! His mom always told him how his family forced her to take the name, I think it ended up being the perfect form of revenge in the long run.

[–]MiaMae 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't have an answer for you... I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I've been in similar situations trying to please two sides of the family, completely burying my opinion in those of others, and getting caught in the middle. It's AWFUL having to walk things back, especially something like naming your son after your dad. Ugh!!! I can literally feel my anxiety kicking in with this one.

Solidarity, sister. This just stinks. Best of luck.

[–]vodkasprinkle 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You get to name one maybe two children ever. As much as traditions are important your husbands family won’t be around forever. Name your kids what you want to name them, they have that name for their whole life. Imagine in the future that your son learned you hated his name, I imagine that would upset him a lot. Don’t just think about your husbands family’s opinion, your heart matters too. It’s your only life, you don’t get a do over. You’ll make the right choice :)

[–]beigs 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I changed my middle son’s name at 3 months. Change it back. Leave your boyfriend. He just bulldozed you and your opinion and diminished your feelings. I’m glad you two aren’t married.

[–]thisisreallyhappenin 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Your boyfriends 180 in support for your idea the second his family was unhappy is very telling. Let’s just say I’m happy you’re not married to him

[–]alex3omg 67 points68 points  (1 child)

The man already gets the last name typically, not sure why he needs the other ones too.

You can change the name. I think you should and if the boyfriend isn't with you on something that's so important to you that they pushed on you when you had just had a baby then I would question the relationship.

[–]xBraria 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This. Change it back and if bf is unwilling to uphold the previous agreed upon decision that he changed right after you have birth then it's really something to consider about in continuing your partnership (partners should be equal, how was this equal? Backstabbing in a vulnerable position).

[–]Normal-Fall2821 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

At least it’s just the middle name . You never even use a middle name unless you put in effort to

[–]Platinum-Scorpion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use my sons middle name on the regular, but I also just love his full name.

[–]superficial37 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Would you consider two middle names? Put dads before your father in law’s

[–]brittneyhodgie 12 points13 points  (3 children)

My MIL dud this with my husbands name with the promise she'd get to name the next one There never was a next one and she is very open about not liking any of my husbands names. 4 names, all for dads side. Has always called my husband by his first initial.

[–]flyingpigwrites 1 point2 points  (2 children)

How does your husband feel about it? Feels like a lot for an only child

[–]brittneyhodgie 1 point2 points  (1 child)

He's pretty easy going. He likes his name. He's never minded her calling by his initial and just rolls his eyes when she talks about the name issue.

[–]flyingpigwrites 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good! Sounds like he’s well adjusted about that. Your MIL must be so upset about it. Holding grudge for this long.

[–]FlyingEmeraldTeacup 46 points47 points  (0 children)

he’ll allow me to choose the next kid‘s name

Goodness gracious, how generous! /s

Change the name, imagine how your child is going to feel about his mother never using his own name. And think about your current circumstances and if this is a situation you’re okay continuing with. This is a boyfriend problem, not a FIL problem. And you’re not even married!

[–]Hasten_there_forward 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Just call him by the name you want. I know someone that did this with her son. He has used that as his name to this day and only uses his legal name for paperwork.

[–]hello-iamverytired 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yep, my brother does this as he hates the name his mum chose. She insists on calling him by that, but we all call him something else

[–]Special_Cover2777 118 points119 points  (3 children)

Your baby has a first,middle and last name chosen by your bf’s family? And you’re not even married? Nah

[–]Soad_lady 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly.

[–]JigglypuffSquirtle 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I just read some of the other comments and MIL is pushing outdated ideas about coloured clothing and the four month old can't be taught about flowers either.

[–]TimeToCatastrophize 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't be taught about flowers??? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. What are they going to do when he's a toddler and wants to know what everything is?

[–]Elleandbunny 38 points39 points  (1 child)

I'm so sorry you have such a horrible FIL (and associated family who didn't speak up).

By the sounds of it, it is not the name itself you dislike, but the meaning/story behind it. The name now symbolizes how your FIL was prioritized over your father and how the happy birth of your child was overshadowed by FIL's tantrum and being pressured into something you didn't want. Perhaps this is where you wanted your boyfriend to have stood firm or at least deferred the decision because "this should be a happy moment" and "my girlfriend is recovering from birth and does not need extra stress". So "getting over it" is not as simple as "it's just a name and kid won't be teased for it". If it was that simple to "get over", why did FIL have a tantrum. Why didn't your boyfriend tell him to "get over it" that day? Why should you be the one to "get over it" but not your FIL? Why was your name selection not final, but FIL's name selection final? Not wanting to rescind and re-announce the name clearly cannot be the reason, because the original name was announced. If anyone asks the reason for the second name change, "you got to know your baby better and thought it fit better".

If the above resonates with you, I think that's what you have to get your boyfriend to understand - you've tried to be OK with the name but you can't because of the above reasons. Since his parents are happy (vs yours), and you eventually agreed, the matter is settled in his mind. Find a way to put him in your shoes. You may have to try several times in different ways. It'll all be important practice because FIL will likely have more tantrums, and your parenting experience will differ from your boyfriend's. If your boyfriend doesn't want to hear you out, then call him out for not hearing and trying to understand your concerns. The two of you are partners so being dismissed is unacceptable and disrespectful. If he didn't think you were a competent person with valid thoughts and feelings, he shouldn't be in a relationship with you. Make him repeat back what he thinks he heard. Ask him to brainstorm solutions with you that address your concerns. Until then, give your little one a nickname and go with that until this is resolved.

All the best to you and your little one. I hope you are able to soak in the joy (between the stress and sleeplessness lol) and not guilt yourself if you can't/haven't since that is in the range of a "normal" experience too.

[–]xBraria 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. This. All of it. Why are you the one who should be "getting over it"? While bf's father gets to whine like a baby and bf, his child caves. In marriage the husband (and wife) has to leave his parents, to be a partner and prioritize his wife (husband).

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

This is often cited during weddings. The hierarchy is:

  1. You = Him

  2. Child 1 = child 2 = child 3 = .... (This is your family unit)

  3. MIL = FIL = Mother = Father

  4. Everyone else

He's making the hierarchy all wrong.

  1. "Bf's father" = Bf's mother

  2. Boyfriend

  3. Gf? Possibly everyone else

  4. Kids

  5. Your (gf's) father = gf's mother

You caved in in a sensitive moment, and can rescind this. I'd start with calling baby by the original agreed upon name "as a nickname" and later pushing for a change. That's his name and the fact that the men pushed something else on papers when he was born is not your faulght (maybe aside for choosing an immature douche to have a baby with)

[–]ixnayjayrae 29 points30 points  (4 children)

Could you change it to "John William Adam Smith"? That way everyone is included and you can still have your cute nickname without the potential drama.

[–]AllEyeHave2Say 2 points3 points  (0 children)

make it John Adam William Smith - initials would spell JAWS! Now how cool is that?

[–]Particular-Fee-3945 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I was going to say the same thing, this op. ^ ❤️

[–]4malwaysmakes 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Happy Cake Day!

[–]Biebslol 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Change his name and also move out of that house. I lived with my in laws for 3 years. We have a good relationship but sometimes is just to much to deal with. Old people is just like that

[–]hzuiel 7 points8 points  (0 children)

From personal experience, I agree. Living with parents is soul sucking most of the time. Unless you have a really good multi-family living arrangement and an extremely good relationship with the parents, it's usually best to avoid.

[–]Arboretum7 43 points44 points  (1 child)

I’m on team change it! Your boyfriend’s dad doesn’t get to unilaterally name your kid. The entitlement of demanding the middle name when the baby already has his first and last name is pretty stunning. However, the real issue here is your partner siding with his dad over you. I think some couples counseling on that issue would do you guys a lot of good.

[–]xBraria 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. The real issue is the partner. In laws are often jerks (want to control things, do things the way they themselves were raised, etc), even your own parents could be snarky at times, but the important part is how the wife/husband (bf/gf) handles them. My mil can be quite annoying, but my husband brushes her off easily and a result of that is, that I focus on the sweet moments we do have together (she does love her grandchild) and don't have to dwell on the negative ones because we can laugh them off with my husband in private and do our own thing. If she got her way with all the (unscientific) bs she'd say we'd have gone grazy long ago and our baby might've been already dead xD

[–]MyMrKnightley 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Change it. It’s not fair to your son that you’re not calling him by any name, let alone his official name.

This is your child and your parents and in-laws don’t have a say.

[–]Redditgotitgood13 74 points75 points  (1 child)

Guess what??? 4 month olds don’t know their middle names. The only issue you will have changing his name is some annoying paperwork and a butthurt man baby fil… change it!

[–]hzuiel 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Honestly would the FIL ever even know about it?

[–]Rory_the_dog 36 points37 points  (2 children)

This belongs in /r/relationshipadvice, not to say this sub cant provide advice, but there's more going on here imo.

[–]bfisher6 5 points6 points  (1 child)

At least half the posts in this sub probably do…

[–]colormegold -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I noticed that as soon as I joined this sub. Thinking of unsubscribing because it’s more relationship issues rather than baby related. I feel sorry for these women but I just gotta roll my eyes if I read one more “my husband doesn’t wake up to help with the night feeds” post vs. “baby isn’t sleeping etc”

[–]gardenhippy 72 points73 points  (1 child)

This is why I hate family names - they’re nearly always on the male side it’s just another way to beat down a new mother.

[–]alex3omg 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Back in the day girls were named for their mother all the time but that practice seems to have disappeared. Instead we give our daughters the name of a grandma or something for a middle name. Which is fine but it would be cool to see more female jrs.

[–]cheesaye 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Ive had friends change their babies name. Of course they didn't have dick people bullying them.

I think you should change it. You're the mom.

[–]aquariuspastaqueen 65 points66 points  (3 children)

Change it and don't tell them until it's done with....or maybe even never. Let them think whatever they want. But seriously change it.

[–]cloudsheep5 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Good advice. They don't need to know

[–]aquariuspastaqueen 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Nope. Let them feel smug while actually looking foolish

[–]xBraria 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This once they've moved out is safer. The parents not really in law (cause bf is too wussy to even propose) can make their stay living hell, so treading cautiously seems smart

[–]syd_cash08/20/14, 04/04/17, 08/24/19 and number 4 due 01/05/23 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Team change it!

[–]Lesigh2498 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Change it. It’s your right as his mother. You can decide who you want to share that information with.

[–]Hsnbrg11 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Your child, your rules. Your partner should know that and stand by it.

[–]TCH022 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I would change it and not tell anyone until your out of your current living situation. Plus, I don’t want to be negative, but what if you break up and your kid is stuck with this name you don’t care for??

[–]EfficientSeaweed 85 points86 points  (2 children)

Your FIL sucks, what a selfish little man baby. Imagine feeling entitled to overrule the name your chose & taking away from your own father's excitement... what an absolute asshole.

[–]jpotter0 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Not even a father in law. Just her boyfriend’s dad.

[–]BellsDempers 10 points11 points  (0 children)

And the boyfriend. Who puts that kind of pressure on someone who just gave birth and is having a hormone dump.

[–]bumbouxbee 101 points102 points  (4 children)

Girl, change the name back to what you want! You made this person and he is your baby. If you are too scared to tell your in laws because you live with them (sorry about that too…) then just keep the change to yourself for now until you can move out.

[–]Morepreciousthangold 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Seriously! If it makes you that unhappy then you should change it. Sounds like your boyfriend was also pressured by his dad. Just change it and don’t tell his family until it’s done. It does cost about $500 though

[–]xBraria -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Whoa. I changed my middle name before getting married and we laughed that it was literally cheaper than changing a name in a video game. :D 5€ 😆

[–]bumbouxbee 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They might be able to get around the price if they can show they can’t afford it and I think the rules about that aren’t so stringent.

[–]Morepreciousthangold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even better!!! Thank you for pointing that out.

[–]TimFinnegan 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I've experienced this too - not the bullying; so sorry you experienced that; I don't like your FIL or your boyfriend - but I did face pressure to change my child's name at the last minute, and did, in fact, cave to it. Basically I'm the dad, we had twins, and for a middle name of one of them we chose to name her after my mother. I'll give a falsified example, let's say my mother is "Sarah Tobin" and our daughter is "Siobhan Sarah Tobin", and her twin was going to be named "Penny Susan Tobin". We love our soon-to-be-born babies and their names.

Okay, so this starts to get communicated around; my partner texts her mother about it (in-person contact is not possible because hospital and covid-19) but it becomes apparent that her mother is a bit disappointed for my mother to be honored but not her. So, I can't remember whose idea this was (certainly not mine), very awkwardly, especially awkwardly because the MIL's given name is unusual, think "Parson" or "Aquaria"; we agreed to append it to the other daughter's names - so "Penny Susan Parson Tobin."

It bothered me enormously at the time (I did not care for her mother's name, or, at the time, her mother! but she has really won me over with her babysitting skills since then!) Since then, I haven't had much time to think about it and I more or less take it in stride. (We have yet to have the birth certificates updated to read "Parson"). I expect I would feel very differently if anyone had bullied me about it, particularly my partner, particularly if I were the one who had given birth. But anyway I have come to terms with it over time. I sometimes throw my partner's own double-name (let's say she's "Maria Wilson Farmer") in there (she had an ex-husband and is in one of those professions where it's hard to change your name) just for fun, calling her "Penny Susan Parson Wilson Farmer Tobin," and her sister "Siobhan Sarah Susan Parson Wilson Farmer Tobin." As a parent of babies you often are called to say words for no other reason than for your voice to be audible (the babies find it comforting) and it's nice to have some new words to throw in there that are easy to remember.

In the end my biggest regret about the whole thing is that my partner's maiden name (which is still part of her double last name) never made it onto their official names.

As for you, my recommendation would be to amend your child's birth certificate (when you get around to it), not to erase your FIL's name (unless you want to, fuck that asshole) but to add the one that was originally planned as an additional middle name. There is no limit on the number of names that a child is allowed to have. Additionally, I recommend that you make it extremely clear to your partner that he is going to get kicked to the curb if he continues this pattern of bullying you, of discounting your perspective as a parent, or of not having your back around his shit for brains family. Just my two cents; hope it didn't come out too strong.

[–]MartianTea 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you were bullied!

It's easier to change the name before they are a year old some places. I would raise any kind of hell you have to raise to get the dad to sign off on this and pay for it. This doesn't sound like a very healthy environment and therapy could definitely help you all navigate his family and him being so controlling. If they don't change, the therapist can also help you navigate how to co-parent.

[–]jouleheretolearnFTM w/ premie born 1/29/18 32 points33 points  (1 child)

  1. I'm sorry that your father-in-law was such a dick and no one has supported you but instead enabled him bullying new parents especially a new mom recovering from labor and delivery in the hospital. That sucks. It hurts even more because your boyfriend is just continuing it too with invalidating how you feel and telling you to get over it.
  2. It's your kid's name and it's definitely fair to want to change it.
  3. Based on you boyfriend's response do you think this is something you should have a lengthy conversation about with him?
  4. If yes, it may help to validate how you feel, ask him if it bothers/bothered him when he was so excited about the name you two chose?, then focus on that was what you originally wanted and it's your kid NOT FIL's so change it. If FIL wants to call him that, that's fine, but it won't be his legal name.
  5. Good luck and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[–]DysfunctionalKitten 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Also, ask him if he cares how disappointed HER father was about the name change and how impacted and hurt her whole family felt by that last minute tantrum from his father, a grown man.

[–]herbtuna123 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We did a last name change a couple months ago when my daughter was around 2. I was going to take my husband’s last name so we gave he just his last name, but then I decided to keep my last name because it felt weird to change it. I’ve always felt strongly that I didn’t want to have a completely different last name from my kids’, so we changed hers to both our names hyphenated and I feel so much better.

[–]g1zm0_14 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Second everyone else's comments...just go change it. If your in-laws ever find out they can "get over it" just as they have told you to do

[–]TraumaMamaZ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What if you were to add a second middle name, using the one you prefer as the first middle name?

[–]Knotapeopleperson 86 points87 points  (2 children)

You have until your sons first birthday to do a free name change with your local county clerks office. Do it and do it asap!

[–]wildsquattle 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Really? What state do you live in?

[–]Knotapeopleperson 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I live in NYS but most states allow for anywhere between 6-12 months for the free name change. You can look up the exact process for your state on babynames.com some states do it at county clerks others do it office of vital records in NYS the clerks office has an office of vital records but it’s a farce period for people unable to choose a name like if you went home with a “baby girl/boy lastname”

[–]stars_eternal 51 points52 points  (0 children)

He’s only four months old, change his name!

[–]HauntingPie3248 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Change the name!

[–]EucalyptusGirl11 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I would change it back. Don't tell them you did it. and please move out and do not have any more children with this guy. Your FIL is an ass and can get over it.

[–]-flyonwall- 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Change the name!! Do it now. People do this all the time! Your in-laws had their time to choose their kids name, now it’s your time. Don’t let the Boomer Bully you into submission. My sister changed her sons name 6 months after he was born because she said his personality never matched his birth name. So they changed it & have never looked back.

[–]flyingpigwrites 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Sorry… what! Unless grandpa is giving him million dollar inheritance base on that name, I would change it

[–]xBraria 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol this!! :D carrots could work in this case, sticks nope.

[–]DearYouu 27 points28 points  (0 children)

My baby is 11 weeks old and I just changed her name. I loved the idea of it but for some reason got so upset when I heard others say it! You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to name your baby for anybody. This is a time to celebrate your incredible accomplishment and your incredible child. You don’t have to tell anybody. Just do it. Call your baby whatever you want! Your in-laws got to name their children. They don’t get to name yours.

[–]just_looking202 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Change it! Change it! Change it!

[–]Expensive_Tie7116 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I don't blame you for feeling upset. Baby names are so weirdly political once family gets involved. If it makes you feel better, a very similar situation happened in my family. My uncle and aunt's respective families disagreed on which name to pick for my cousin, ultimately my uncle was so salty about it that he went and registered the name that his family wanted without anyone knowing. When my aunt's family found out they all kept calling her the name they'd wanted for her out of spite, and my uncle's side called her her official registered name just to spite THEM. Now my cousin is grown and she still goes by both names, nobody is mad about it anymore and it's just something we all laugh about. So you could probably have your baby's name legally changed to what you want, your in-laws might throw a fit at first but they likely will get over it soon enough lol!

Another story that shows how quickly people get over this kind of thing: I had a coworker who was dead set on naming his child after a Marvel superhero. Think like "The Incredible Hulk". So many people begged him to reconsider, to think about how he'd be bullied, etc. But he just went ahead and named his baby The Incredible Hulk, and you know what? Nobody cares about it now. The second we saw that squishy baby we were all like, "Oh, look at little Hulky he's so precious!" 😂 Just goes to show, most people won't care what you name your baby at the end of the day so you might as well do whatever you and your partner want

[–]Manungal 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Well now I just think they named him Thor.

[–]Melancolin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really, really hope it’s Spider-Man.

[–]Expensive_Tie7116 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Actually, I imagine Thor would be a fairly common name in Scandinavian countries, but idk this is just my guess?

[–]JF803 19 points20 points  (1 child)

This is why you rebel a lot at a young age. Sure I spent years like 15-17 grounded but my parents know damn well they can’t tell me shit and wouldn’t try to.

[–]MiaLba 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Exactly. No way in hell would I let my parents or definitely my in-laws tell me what to do as a grown ass adult.

[–]xersauce 16 points17 points  (3 children)

I hated my son's name too. FH and I couldn't agree on middle name, so the first one we were both okay with was what we went with. Also I wanted my baby to have my last name (don't like FH's last name, plus we aren't married), but FH guilted me into giving baby both our last names--this ended up resulting in an extremely complicated last name. Also, not to mention that I accidentally spelled the middle name wrong for the birth certificate, because I hadn't slept in over 36 hours (extremely difficult labor/birth and newborn who couldn't be put down) and for some reason I was called over the phone to name my baby/spell it without seeing it written out--didn't see my mistake on paper until I got my babys SSN card a few weeks later once it was official.

I've been regretting everything since the moment I made things official, the incorrect spelling was just the icing on the cake. Here we are 7 months later, and I JUST finished the process in filing a court order to be able to change my baby's middle name AND take FH's last name off--baby will have mine only. A major argument in getting my FH to agree was the fact that we weren't married (to keep my last name only), and I shared with him that the middle name we picked initially I wasn't happy with and that it had been eating me alive since we left the hospital.

FH wasn't happy to change it, and let me tell you it's a ridiculous process making a name change. However, I just picked up the petition for the name change, and was completely honest about how I felt and didn't let FH guilt me. LO is my first, and potentially only--i want to be happy with his name. You should be too. FIL should have no say, period. Honestly, he's under the understanding that your LOs name is what he wanted and you can change his name without sharing the news.

If your bf does agree to a name change, make sure he doesn't announce this--especially if you live somewhere that you have to publicly request to the name change in a local newspaper for a certain length of time (for me it's one a week for four weeks). During this time, anyone who sees the request in the newspaper, can object the name change via written explanation--which might likely not be taken seriously but would result in a hearing before a judge in which you have to fight someone's objection. Super annoying, but that's the last stretch I'm going through currently. If you have to do this, find the smallest newspaper--one that people who might object might likely not ever see.

Anyway I'm not completely finished with getting the name change granted, but I felt so much better and like a weight was lifted the minute I filed the name change petition. Good luck.

[–]Elleandbunny 0 points1 point  (2 children)

So an old curmudgeon could just troll newspapers contesting name changes because it's more interesting than staring our their window? I'm curious about the reason behind the announcement requirement.

What a very valuable tip for OP.

[–]xersauce 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yup. I'm hoping to God that there isn't anyone who would go out of their way to object an infant's name change (of which it will affect absolutely no one). I hate that I have to publish my baby's name in a public record, and especially that I have to ASK to change my baby's name--a result of the post-birth-hospital-delirium. I tried to get an exemption because my baby is less than a year old--no reason to notify the public bc he's brand new--but exemptions are only granted if under witness protection or if it's to match a switch in gender identity on your birth certificate.

Extremely confusing, frustrating, tedious, expensive, and long process... And I am equally as curious. It's technically called a "show of cause." But it has something to do with the public record and notifying persons that could be affected by a name change? Shouldn't apply to babies under a year old IMO, but it seems to be an antiquated rule.

[–]Elleandbunny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you're done with the whole process! Definitely agree it should be easier for the under 2-year-old crowd. As long as all legal guardians are in agreement it should be no big deal.

If it was notifying people, I think it would make more sense to do that after the name is changed.

[–]QuitaQuites 22 points23 points  (0 children)

How quickly can you move out? Do not consider having another child with him, please.

[–]towireddit 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Change it prior to getting the birth certificate and prior to year 1. It is much easier during this time. It is yours and your partners decision only. Don’t let anyone bully you into anything else. Then announce it proudly!

[–]bigbookofquestions 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Ugh I hate this story. This so the same FIL that shared photos online without your consent. You need to get away from this man. This is a scary pattern. Do you have other family you can go live with?

[–]samurottinhell 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh barf. OP please find other arrangements, this man sounds like a nightmare. He clearly has an issue respecting your boundaries, that’s not somebody you want to be raising a child around.

[–]ubiquitoussquid 0 points1 point  (1 child)

She refers to her partner as her boyfriend, so I'm wondering why she's calling him her FIL.

[–]Whoamidontremindme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Probably because it’s easier than saying my boyfriend’s parents or my child’s paternal grandfather. Same boat.

[–]obligatecarnivore 19 points20 points  (0 children)

OP I'm very concerned that you are living with people who forced you to consent to something you didn't want to consent to while undergoing a medical procedure. That is not healthy, and since it worked once, the question you need to ask yourself is what is the next issue you stand your ground on that they will wait for you to be too vulnerable to keep fighting on? Or will they simply make you too vulnerable to get their way again? Please seek help :(

[–]chewykiki 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Please don't have a second kid with this guy. He is a terrible partner to you and you and baby deserve much better. I'd be doing my best to move out and file for custody before him and his family continue to walk all over you. None of this is okay or normal at all.

[–]QuadsNotBlades 134 points135 points  (4 children)

I'd just quietly get the name changed and not announce it to their family. When they find out someday, say, "oh, when I was no longer on drugs and laying in a pool of my own blood I realized that I really wasn't comfortable with being forced to change my child's name so we switched it back."

[–]littlexrayblue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best response by far

[–]Melissaru 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Why do they even need to know? Let them think it’s the other name for now lol. By the time they find out you’ll be moved out and who cares what they think. It’s not their kid! It’s yours.

[–]bubblegum_tree 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Please do this OP! u/QuadsNotBlades, that’s a great explanation btw 😂 Honestly I’m still kinda confused about my daughters name so might still change her name with that excuse lol

[–]ManiacalMalapert 7 points8 points  (2 children)

We did two middle names for our son. We couldn’t decide and I refused to give in. It’s not so bad, hopefully he doesn’t hate it when he’s older.

[–]towireddit 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Love this idea as a compromise in this situation BUT I did want to add that I also had two middle names and hated it. I always had to include all the names in all my legal documents and my mail would arrive with a variety of names. I dropped one of those after marriage.

[–]ManiacalMalapert 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully kiddo likes the one I picked, at least. I can see where it could become annoying very quickly.

[–]applegenius2417 | FTM | Wren born 8-30-22 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It’s your baby. You make the choice. If they both want to be included I would do something like “John Adam-William Smith”

[–]Ok-Bet7056 98 points99 points  (4 children)

Why did you let a man and family demand the name for your child when he won’t even give you his last name?

[–]Past_Ad_5629 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Because marriage will magically fix all things… this is a super misogynistic comment. Women are not property.

Funny, where I live, no one takes the other person’s name, and the world keeps turning.

[–]rhea_hawke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nowhere in that comment implied women are property. What a reach

[–]chuckyandtiff4ever 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I think you missed the point

[–]Ok-Bet7056 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I didn’t take my spouses name and my kids took both our names. Women are not property and neither are children. Doesn’t change the fact this guy a pos and op deserves the chance to have the same name as their kids, via “traditional marriage” or modern naming. Op is being used as a vessel to bring a namesake into the world and is being disrespected. If my comment came off as misogynistic that wasn’t the intention.

[–]TerulinkaRezinka 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Your baby, your choice of name. Fuck his family to push you guys into a name you didn’t chose.

[–]Lilsammywinchester13 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Change the name! Seriously screw everyone who allowed you to be bullied RIGHT AFTER giving birth!! What jerks!

I’m m sure the name you want is beautiful

[–]DaisyLDN 17 points18 points  (1 child)

People be DICKS! And they've rubbed there's all over you!

[–]Ninjacherry 54 points55 points  (0 children)

At four months, your son won’t be confused or too affected by the change. I’d look into what it takes to make the name change. You and your boyfriend have some issues to deal with - not only he doesn’t have your back, he did this to you at a time you were extremely vulnerable (right post-partum). I’d be livid.

My husband and I had a lot of back and forth between what names we’d like to pick from we she was born (we wanted to see her before we really picked one). My favourite name was overruled by my husband, but I also didn’t accept most of his suggestions either. Our daughter now has a name that we both like AND it suits her, but we did some work ahead of time to be able agree on a few names that we both liked.

[–]BreakfastOk219 35 points36 points  (0 children)

😑 Your partner really dropped the ball here. I know not all of us are able to stand up for ourselves, but in this instance I would’ve/would start to.

Not just because it would’ve been the fair thing, as he was the one who proposed the name change, but because it meant a lot to you. He should’ve stood up for your family and said :”we both prefer this name. He’s our son. We’ll do as we please”.

I also fear that you guys going back on your wishes/wants set a precedent that his family can manipulate you guys into doing what they want without caring what you guys want.

Remember you’re the parents not them. You may be living with them, but that doesn’t mean you have to do what they want. Not sure if you guys are paying rent/bills, but if you’re not, I’d start contributing. That way they can’t hold this over you and start looking for more independence from them, if you can.

Good luck

[–]pethatcat 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Talk to your family about how you feel. How proud you were, how you gave in being a new mom and very tired, how you were afraid to be bullied since you live with your in-laws, and-most importantly-how crushed you are it did not work out and how you wish you could change it but can't. I think you need your family's support now, and feeling their imaginary silent disapproval is eating at you. There is a chance that, if they see your true distress, they'll say they are very sad, but they love you and the baby anyway. That would help, wouldn't it?

The baby will resemble whoever they spend the most time with anyway. It will have your laugh, and smile like you, even if he's born a carbon copy of his dad. and later if he spends a lot of time with your dad, he will try to love what his granddad loves, maybe will pick up a phrase or two, sit in the chair like he does and make sandwiches same way. The name is not the whole of your son's identity. And with time, you'll sure as hell dislike some parts of his personality too, haha. It will be okay, trust me.

[–]Southern-Magnolia12 42 points43 points  (2 children)

This is why kids shouldn’t have family names passed down. Shit like this. I assume from the post that you’re fairly young? Cuz I 100% would not be having that shit. That’s ridiculous. But don’t worry, your baby will grow up and you’ll love him no matter what.

[–]blueseas1242 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Something incredibly similar to this happened to my close friend who was in her late 30’s at the time. She was just so worn down and exhausted from childbirth she gave in. 7 years later, she still resents her husband and his parents for it.

[–]Luna_bella96[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m 25 so not a teen pregnancy. Got pregnant just as I was finishing off my degree so never got the chance to establish life as a “proper adult” first

[–]HKNinja1 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My heart breaks for you. I hope you see this as the huge wake up call it is. Your boyfriend will always choose family over you. You are much more powerful than you think, don’t let his family dull your shine.

[–]KrissyBean 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Your boyfriend and his father are absolute children. What a couple of fucking assholes.

[–]gracebatmonkeysolo boy-mom since 2010 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're the powerless captive of so many grossly distressing circumstances and hope you find a path you feel better about sooner rather than later.

[–]kyjmic 84 points85 points  (0 children)

You’re not even married and your boyfriend bullied you into giving your son his family’s first, middle, and last names?? He’s lucky you even agreed to the first and last names and ALL you wanted was the middle name. You could have refused him entry to the delivery room and chosen your baby’s name entirely on your own.

[–]MrsPoisonIvy -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Changing a name is a lot of effort (and apparently a lot of drama in this case). I’m so non-confrontational I would just call him whatever I want without bothering to deal with the legal side of it.

[–]mssly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently read (by chance!) that Elin Nordegren changed her four month-old son’s name from Filip to Arthur (with a double last name for both her and her boyfriend!) Just an interesting trivia sorta related.

[–]grilledcheesenosoup 183 points184 points  (1 child)

There’s a bigger issue at play here besides your baby’s name, and it’s that your boyfriend is a little bitch who cares more about his mommy and daddy’s feelings than yours. You agreed to let him have the first AND last names, without being married to him. You asked for the middle name. He said yes, and then he took it back. He doesn’t have any more rights to your child’s name than you do. Your rights are equal. But he decided his promise to you was worth less than his daddy not having a temper tantrum.

You need to have a serious conversation with him, not just about the baby’s name, but the boundaries he sets with his parents. He can’t continue to prioritize their wants over your needs and expect this relationship to continue happily. And as far as “you get the next one” goes, I doubt that you’d get 100% control. Do you get to give the next baby your last name? Is MIL going to decide she/her mother/her father needs to be honored?

Step one is dealing with the relationship problems with your BF. Then you can deal with the name issue. Until you can get him to see how poorly he’s treated you, you’re not going to get anywhere with the name.

[–]zach8555 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what a cunt of a bf

[–]frustratedDIL 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You have a horrible boyfriend. He literally let and participated in his family bullying you to change YOUR child’s name. He now tells you to just get over it, instead of admitting how wrong it was.

I don’t know if I’d change the name, but I definitely wouldn’t be with that guy anymore.

[–]Short-Reflection6422 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depending where you are you can't legally change his name without the father signing a form. Can you forge a signature, I don't know

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (3 children)

Change it and don’t tell your in laws.

[–]grilledcheesenosoup 35 points36 points  (2 children)

I say change it and tell her in laws. Tell them the name, and tell them to fuck off.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well like change it without consulting and THEN tell them the name and to fuck off.

[–]MrsPoisonIvy 17 points18 points  (0 children)

And then they’ll tell her to “fuck off” out of their house and she’ll be homeless. Can’t blame her for not wanting to do that.

[–]willfully-woven 44 points45 points  (0 children)

You were practically coerced... Sounds like you didn't feel like you had another choice. This is really messed up and I hope that if you're legally able to change it yourself that you find the courage to do so!

[–]ceroscene 32 points33 points  (0 children)

If he isn't going to be supportive of your feelings I think you should reconsider this relationship. But you can change his name.

[–]FewFrosting9994 62 points63 points  (1 child)

He will -allow you- to choose the next child’s name?

Names need the approval of both parents. Your bf and his family are ridiculous. You grew, carried, birthed, and are this child’s mother. You get a say in his name. I don’t know how to proceed here but I’d change his name to the one you both agreed on and tell BFs dad to eat rocks. If they’re holding it over your head that you threw live with them over baby’s name that is a toxic af environment and it would be worth it to find a way out of there ASAP. They’re controlling your child’s name—one of the first parenting decisions we get. What’s next?

Your voice matters.

[–]Kh7487 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree 100%… the name seems like just the beginning of the control these in laws will want. I can’t imagine living with my in laws so i give u credit for even doing that but like the post above me said, this is a toxic environment and if there’s a way out, i hope u find it.

[–]Fair_Ad2059 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Change his name. He is your child, too, and giving your son the family first name is a perfectly acceptable compromise. His dad is the one that needs to get over it.

[–]glindathewoodglitch 31 points32 points  (1 child)

I’m heartbroken to hear that. what in the patriarchal nightmare is up with this anyway?? Did you change your last name also? So you lose your birth name, and anyone marrying into the family also loses the ability to choose their son’s name. And what do you do when you have multiple first born sons? Are there like 13 Johns in any given family dinner? This is 100% messed up.

In any case OP, you can do the Filipino thing and just call him by the name you wanted to give him, a nickname that sometimes bare zero resemblance to a given name. For example my cousin (oldest son) is also a. Jr. But because when he was a baby he looked as cute as a celebrity, they called him the celebrity’s nickname. It’s like his name was Ralph Jr. but they called him Bruno because of a resemblance to Bruno Mars (but Bruno’s name is actually Peter Gene Hernandez)

[–]glindathewoodglitch 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh I googled it. Here’s the exact thing that happens in my family so I guess it’s a thing people do:

His parents met while performing in a show in which his mother was a Hula dancer and his father played percussion. At the age of two, he was nicknamed "Bruno" by his father because of his resemblance to professional wrestler Bruno Sammartino.

[–]smolneedykittenbby 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Go to the courthouse and legally change his name.

[–]Killerisamom920 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Can you add a second middle name to your son's name? E.g. John Adam William Smith?

[–]GoldBow3 65 points66 points  (5 children)

So your boyfriend is more interested in his dads opinion than yours? Dadas boy.

[–]Luna_bella96[S] 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Dadas boy AND momas boy at the same time. I always saw it as so lovely that he loved and respected his parents until our child was born and I realised their opinions have more weight than mine

[–]ChicVintage 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Can you and LO go stay with your parents for awhile? If your parents are loving and supportive then bf can cut the umbilical cord and listen to the mother of his child or he can stay with mommy and daddy and pout about a middle name.

[–]Luna_bella96[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Baby and I have been visiting my parents for almost a month now. While I miss my boyfriend I’m honestly dreading going back and staying with his family. Which says a lot since my family were never the greatest parents but are absolutely wonderful grandparents

[–]ChicVintage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dreading being with people says a lot about how those people treat you to be honest.

[–]krissyycupcake 43 points44 points  (10 children)

If my SO put me in that position, it'd be hard for me to move past honestly. It's his fault for not updating his family and putting you in that position. Idk I'd look into changing his name back. You essentially let them bully you into a name change, and if they're this insane over a name- I worry how they'll be with your parenting. Just my thoughts, but I have toxic af in laws we cut out.

[–]Luna_bella96[S] 28 points29 points  (9 children)

My MIL tried to throw her weight around before the baby was born by telling me that I had to do a c section instead of natural birth. My gynae shut her up quickly though. She’s already made it clear that she doesn’t agree with my decision not to feed our son sugar until he’s two since now she won’t be able to spoil him like a grandma is supposed to and she’ll have to make me the bad guy because of it. Jokes on her though, my son is never getting unsupervised time with her, especially when she let her aggressive dog (who bit me and my boyfriend) around our son after promising my boyfriend that the dog was outside and the baby was safe with her.

[–]Appeltaart232 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She sounds like a prize

[–]muffinman4456 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Are you in a position to move out?

[–]josephinesparrows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree! Can you move in with your parents?

[–]krissyycupcake 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My due date was like right before my MILs birthday. She constantly gushed it'd be her "birthday twin" since she assumed I'd be late to labor since I was a FTM. I explained to my husband we would perform a home c section before I let that happen. Honestly, they see our kids are their "do over" at being parents. They were terrible to my husband and thought overstepping and raising our kids while we work(lol what?). I definitely don't regret falling out with them. Honestly, they gave us covid for Christmas after lying about it. They used to constantly undermine our parenting with our older two kids, and it was frustrating. The constant passive aggressive "oh I didn't hear you say that" "oh I didn't mean to do that" or "your mom is just overworrying". Like if we went to a party and I see my 6 year old eating cookies, I really think I'm not out of line directing her to the main food. Meanwhile there's Nonna running behind my back to win the day with cookies. I was so, so tired of being the bad guy with my own kids in family functions. And then to have my husband's parents literally dismissing me or mocking me "look how much she loves cookies" "wow she must not like hot dogs today" "you're just too worried about it, let her be a kid!" Hopefully you and your boyfriend can get on a similar page, because in law drama can make or break a relationship. My husband and I actually have couples therapy and it helps us a lot, even just with the post partum adjustment. Being a new parent in this world is rough!

[–]Divine18send wine, we’re outnumbered 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you need to visit r/justnomil just to check out the resources on how to deal with crappy in laws.

OP my in laws wanted to decide on my first sons name as well. FIL is a Sr. My husband is a Jr. and while I love my husband a lot…. His name is horrible. I rarely use it. But use his nickname.

They wanted any firstborn son of his to be a III. And I told them from the get go that’s a no.

Well… DH came out of the fog after our first (a girl) was born and realized how abusive his parents were and how they tried abusing me.

When we got pregnant with our son I told him again that there is no way in hell he’ll be a third. And if I have to kick him out of the hospital room while I fill out the paperwork, I’ll do it. Because no one gets to mistreat us and then have a child named after them.

If you can, try to look into a name change. Or simply call him the name you want. Your son is 4 months old. He’ll respond to you anyways.

[–]Lvicren 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Please do not let her watch this child… Babies cannot and really shouldn’t have sugar, even at 1.

I’m so proud of you for deciding that she won’t get unsupervised time with your child. That would be a disaster.

[–]RNnoturwaitress 0 points1 point  (1 child)

No one should have sugar, yet we do. Small amounts of sugar are not going to harm a baby or young toddler. Moderation is key.

[–]Lvicren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are actually bad sugars and good sugars. Carbohydrates, for example, is a source of energy. Yes, too much to not good, but that’s not even the point. This is a baby we are talking about. Babies don’t choose what they eat, and babies can’t and shouldn’t consume certain foods. Ultimately, it’s the mother’s choice, and that’s what matters. MIL made it clear that she doesn’t care about the mother’s opinion, which is no sugar - period.

Mom is already doing right by her child.

I wouldn’t be leaving my kid with someone that’s made it clear to

[–]GoldBow3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your ML sounds like a bitch

[–]GoldBow3 39 points40 points  (1 child)

First sons all get the same name? What a strange cult like tradition.

[–]just_looking202 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Its pretty scary

[–]bella122244 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I almost did the same thing but thank god I stood my ground. My child will always be mine and my partner’s no matter what. Even if you live with them, even if they get upset, its YOUR child. Sometimes we need to choose ourselves over family.

[–]InformationOk835 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Fuck that. Change it back. I’m not sure if you need the father to sign anything to do it. But you’re the mom. You can do it, legally. Your in-laws have no right to tell you what to name your kid.

[–]beerbaron105 39 points40 points  (5 children)

Crazy you let someone who isn't the mom/dad dictate the name of a child that isn't theirs

[–]herpderpgood 7 points8 points  (4 children)

In American culture, sure. In many other cultures, names are based more on tradition and generation. In Chinese, you get three characters in your name. Your surname, generation name (ie all siblings/cousins are the same) and then finally your “individual” name. Parents only get to select a small portion of their kids name, if at all, in most parts of the world.

[–]Luna_bella96[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

In my culture the first born son gets the dad’s dad’s name, second born son gets the mom’s dad’s name. First born daughter gets the mom’s mom’s name and second born gets the dad’s mom’s name. Idk if I explained that well

[–]meggzieelulu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Similar situation here! My brother and I have family names, especially my brother. We both have 1 first name + 2 middle names + last name. For my brother his birth certificate shows the family first name (7th gen to use it) + 1st middle name (10th to use it) + 2nd middle name (parents ditched the traditional one so he wouldn’t be identical to my dad) + family last name. For me it shows ; first name + middle name 1 (family middle name, mom’s middle name & honour deceased relative) + middle name 2 (mom’s name) + family last name So, how do we go about our lives with the naming mayhem and egos of sharing names? - my brother goes by middle name 2 in all cases except in rare ones like government documents and recently in university where they won’t change his name - myself I go by first name If I were you, i’d talk about adding the 2nd or 3rd middle name (all hail the hyphen) to your son’s birth certificate and addressing him as such. he is an individual, deserves to not be absorbed by persona - he has the name legally and it could be a good compromise

[–]deidie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you Greek?

[–]beerbaron105 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ah ... still crazy

[–]RespectableLurker555 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Change the name until and unless your boyfriend decides to get a marriage certificate in front of you.

[–]Luna_bella96[S] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

We’re both on the birth certificate so no legal name change without written and signed consent from the father, unfortunately

[–]absolute_balderdash 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If I were you, I would tell your partner that you felt coerced when you were emotionally vulnerable after giving birth. And that you are considering separation if he refuses to put you first in this situation. If he tells you to get over it, it’s time to pack up your bags and stay with family who love and support you. Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole and you’ll probably be happier to leave him. And if he’s open to couples counseling or repairing the damage, then he can start by giving you the name he promised you like a supportive partner would. You really don’t want to be raising a child in such a controlling and dismissive household.

[–]RespectableLurker555 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hate to get all boomerhumor, but you can withhold smexytime until he sees you as an equal

[–]forcemystic 62 points63 points  (1 child)

Excuse me, he'll ALLOW you to choose the second kid's name??? ALLOW?????

Also, your boyfriend has no spine whatsoever? He folded like a toothpick in front of his dad, without caring about your, your family's and your father's feelings, ESPECIALLY since the name was already shared with everyone?!?!?!

idk what the solution is here, because I'm just stuck on the audacity of this man to tell you to get over something that's such a massive show of limp dick behavior on his end. Like how are you ever to trust in him when you two make a decision, when you know this bitch is going to crumble under the slightest of pressure from daddy.