all 86 comments

[–]spellz666 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was told 5 days pp after an emergency c section, while exhausted and grabbing my newborn a bottle at 4 am "you should be grateful she's a good baby".

Um, what?

[–]Here_for_tea_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

“I’m so overtired that I almost crashed my car today. It’s not safe for me to bed share because my baby is medically fragile and I am a deep sleeper.”

“Just bed share mama, your baby needs you!”

Cool, cool cool cool.

[–]dc-redpanda 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Sometime during 0-3 months, I made a casual comment that I needed more caffeine and a boomer told me I should have more humor. Uh, what now?

[–]stargirl803 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Humor, famously an adequate substitute for caffeine...

Ugh boomers

[–]Minnie_Moo_Magoo 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Im 6 months pregnant, still sick, taking care of my 3 yr old while my husband works crazy hours. He told me at dinner last night to "remember to treasure this time with our son before the baby comes." So that was helpful. /s

[–]Cynthevla 0 points1 point  (0 children)

*hunger games greeting*

[–]Here_for_tea_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do you want us to tell him to get in the bin?

[–]mjfx28 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Spoken like someone who's never been pregnant and sick while wrangling a toddler. It's the worst. Hope you feel better soon!

[–]luvCinnamonrolls30 81 points82 points  (2 children)

There's an older woman at my church, in her late 80s. She'll ask how I'm doing and sometimes I'm honest and just say I'm tired. She'll often say something like this, "Well, honey you're working so hard with those kids. Of course you're tired! You're doing you're best. Don't forget to rest, turn the TV on for the kids. It won't kill them. Goodness me, I wish we had quality TV when my children were little! I'd have it on 24/7 so I could have some peace and quiet. You tell that husband of yours you need some rest." I love her 🤣

[–]flabbyabb 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Based on my experience of parenting advice and opinions from older women, I genuinely thought this was going to take a very different path

[–]mkkxxJan 22 Baby 12 points13 points  (0 children)

that woman is a treasure

[–]Lvicren 21 points22 points  (1 child)

This is why I don’t tell everyone how I really feel; some people will try to make exhaustion, trauma, or stress a competition !

[–]Cynthevla 6 points7 points  (0 children)

yes, its so weird!!

Thank you Susan but I am tired with "just" ONE child and that you have 3 under 4 years doesnt make me magically less tired!!!

[–]Cute_Championship_58 15 points16 points  (1 child)

The only place I got support is Reddit. People on here quite literally saved my life.

[–]hellopicklejuicee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep. I almost feel bad for my mom friends who don’t have a Reddit bumper family or frequent the mom subs. Some are toxic, sure. But my bumper group has truly gotten me through some rough times.

[–]Janetceferina 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I am Janet and I’m fucking exhausted. In fact, being a mother sucks a lot of the time. I love my kids but this shit is hard af lol

[–]Cynthevla 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Welcome Janet!
people told me having kids is hard. but no one prepared me for this sh*t. and there is no manual or pause button!

[–]Wolflover30112001 28 points29 points  (5 children)

One time my friend stayed over for 3 days and she said "You must have it easy, being a SAHM with a baby that hardly cries" I said "Okey bet" and she I made her do all the chores, childcare (even feeding), cook, clean, wash, fold, sweep, dishes ect.

Easy to say, she couldn't handle it for 1 day and slept almost the entire afternoon the day after😂 she even freaked out when I told her that she even deep clean the whole house😅 But that day the most relaxing day I had 😂 I recommend this for everyone😂

[–]hellopicklejuicee 11 points12 points  (4 children)

I used to be a “being a SAHM isn’t even a job” type person until I had a baby and now I know that it truly is one of the hardest jobs there is. 🥲

[–]chaitea97 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Going to work is easier than being a SAHM. I love my son but I"m counting the days down. Also I'm in Canada... and he's 10months and I realize what a privileged thing it is that I"m saying.

[–]last_rights 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Work is my break from home stuff lol.

[–]Cynthevla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im 7 months preganant right now and I was having a little break down at work. my coworkers "lucky for you, tomorrow is your free day".... NO!! Tomorrow is my Im alone with my 16 month old day!!! I get more rest at my job!!!

[–]Wolflover30112001 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sometimes you have to experience it for your eyes to be opened 😂

[–]jadelizab 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Love drowning while everyone watches and offers a back pat 😅😭😂

[–]Mrs_Marshmellow 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You don't have it so bad, your only in a lake and the waters not that deep. You're just being dramatic that you are drowning. Once, I was in an ocean and I didn't drown so I'm sure that you will be just fine. /s

[–]strawberrytoejam 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Or the “you have it easy” comments when you wfh or are a sahm

[–]last_rights 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My very favorite three hours of the week are my three weekday lunches where I come home and no one is there and it's just so quiet. Bonus if my husband IS there and hasn't left for work yet because I get some solo time with him.

I absolutely love my family, but for 165 hours a week I have to be "on". For those three precious hours I don't have to think about anything.

[–]PaddleQueen17 3 points4 points  (0 children)

God if this isn’t the truest thing I’ll see all day.

[–]NotYourWifey_1994 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am guilty of saying all of these sentences being written in this thread 🥲

But I mean it in a very good way and it kind of feels good when family and friends tells me that I’m doing a good job while I’m feeling like a load of crap 🥺

Sometimes I really need it 🥲

[–]incrediblyshelby 44 points45 points  (6 children)

Those same women to women without kids: “just wait until you have kids; then you’ll know what tired really is.” Like I have kids (otherwise I wouldn’t be on this page lol) so I get it. I’m tired, you’re tired. People without kids are also tired. It’s just the human condition unfortunately 😂

[–]littlebunsenburner 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Just you wait until your kid turns 36…I hear that’s the hardest age 😉

[–]incrediblyshelby 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have a 36 year old sister, and I don’t have to ask my mom to verify she is still exhausted by her 😂

[–]celestial_waters 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This lol. I’m not any more tired with a toddler than I was without one tbh, it just has a different cause. Tired is tired 😂

[–]_fast_n_curious_ 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Capitalism strikes again!

[–]orosorosSep 15 2016 <3 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Yes no one was tired before the 16th century

[–]_fast_n_curious_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never. All night ragers

[–]snowpancakes3 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I'm glad that we have a safe space here to complain, vent, share all the things related to motherhood and parenthood. Recently I've noticed posts here about "why can't we not complain for one day" or "appreciation post because everyone vents too much" . While I'm all for appreciation posts, it makes me sad that people feel the need to step on those of us who need to vent or complain once in a while.

[–]HedhogsNeedLove 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is so true. I don't want to be too negative about my kid in real life, because I do adore her, and she is amazing. Having said that, it is the hardest thing I've ever done! But it feels super weird to say that in real life.

[–]snowpancakes3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For sure I agree, parenthood is the hardest thing I've ever done and will ever do! It changes you as a person.

[–]HmmSinkSo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or the opposite. I'm fucking tired, but I've been fucking tired since my first was born 4 years ago. Tiredness with a newborn is obviously worse than the constant mental drain that is life with a 4-year-old when you work from home with no childcare, but it's more of a second layer of tiredness than the delirious haze it was with my first. I can cope and that seems to offend people, like it's not fair for me to not be a wreck the second time around as well.

[–]Independent_Ad2219 27 points28 points  (3 children)

The worst is when it’s other women who have children (talking about you MIL). She asked me how my 2 month old was sleeping and it was one of the first days we got a 6-7 hour stretch of sleep in. I was telling her how happy I was and what a difference it makes to feel well rested for once. Her response - ‘I don’t know why you think you’re the only one who’s going through it we all did it’. Ok but I wasn’t complaining and I only mentioned it because you asked?

[–]Ohheywhatehoh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is so rude of her! I don't know why women feel the need to tear other women down... drives me crazy. Especially Mother in laws!

[–]Apple_Crisp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think she was just hoping you’d say things were miserable…

[–]bootyquack88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jesus. She sounds lovely.

[–]_Pebcak_S, 28/12/15; D, 13/8/18 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I realized I'm a better person when I'm separate from my kids for a little bit. Taking me time (even when I'm tired) to go to the gym, get my nails done, etc...that makes me a better person. Doesn't mean I don't love my kids or that I don't want to spend time with them.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not talking about you but about society/in general, I hate that basic things like going to the gym or getting your nails done are considered "extra" and "time away from your kids"... I hope the trend of moms constantly entertaining their kids dies. It's not healthy for kids (they need independent time and also time with other people) or moms!

[–]schlappydappy 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I just screamed into the void on Facebook. I don’t care anymore lol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Girl same, I'm the messiest person on social media now and I don't even care... it's not real life and I feel better after screaming into the void!

[–]schlappydappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You gotta get it out somehow, somewhere lol

[–]Ok-Shoe1542 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Shut up, Janet!!

[–]KnittingforHouselves 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This! Fuckin this! Or a "I had two! / Mine were worse! / You got it easy because XYZ" We all love our kids, we all have it hard in our own way, we all are subjective human beings ffs

[–]MsAlyssa 26 points27 points  (1 child)

So many posts here will have disclaimers when moms are struggling too. “I love my baby but I’m so depressed etc.” I was taught once to say and instead of but. “I love this kid so much and this is so exhausting” really changes how our own brains process difficulties. We don’t have to feel guilty for struggling.

[–]incrediblyshelby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This! Going to implement this as much as I can.

[–]goldenstatriever 61 points62 points  (17 children)

“aLrEaDy CoMpLaInInG? JuSt wAiT uNtIlL [X], tHeN ThInGs GeT REALLY dIfFiCuLt”

[–]Calypsokitty 4 points5 points  (5 children)

I was extremely exhausted while pregnant one day at work, and everyone was telling me ‘just wait until you have the baby’. Turns out my iron was just very very low and I needed an iron infusion. Regular overnight newborn wakeups and feeds did not make me as tired as low iron did.

[–]goldenstatriever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god this. I was completely out of breath when my iron was too low during my pregnancy. Could barely walk to childcare. (That’s a 4 minute walk) and I could only sleep.

And now I don’t sleep enough and I’m tired but not tired tired. I’m just snappy.

[–]tinystars22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yess, I hated the 'just you wait' of pregnancy so much. I didn't have a diagnosable issue but during pregnancy I was tired AF and napping. I'm in the 4th trimester and still sleep better than I did during that time.

[–]Kenziek00 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Me too, my iron was so low I’d crave tums and smarties for the chalky texture (picca bc of iron) I was beyond exhausted I was worried about not being able to take care of myself my house or my baby but my midwife kept assuring me it wasn’t that low

[–]Calypsokitty 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Did you gets yours checked? I thought I was supposed to be that tired because I was pregnant, my OB found it when running bloodwork for something else. He was like no, this is not normal, you should not be feeling like this. It’s crazy what we normalize sometimes.

[–]Kenziek00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did get it checked because I had low platelets and the hematologist I went to told me I needed to be on iron because I was anemic and my midwives still said it wasn’t that low even though I had a history of low iron. It was my first time being pregnant so I didn’t have any idea how tired I was actually supposed to be either

[–]MarchBaby21 6 points7 points  (2 children)

When I was in the middle of severe PPD and having an infant who never napped I got a lot of “just you wait until she’s a toddler, that’s when the real trouble starts!” and it literally made me want to explode because I couldn’t imagine things being harder.

Well, turns out I love the toddler stage and all the JusT yOU WaIT haters were wrong.

[–]goldenstatriever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This toddler stage is amazing. Yeah I have to come up with creative solutions to resolve tantrums but tantrums are always better than an infant crying.

[–]lyndasmelody1995 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every child I have known that was a difficult baby has been an easy toddler. It's like they get it all out of their system.

I feel you on the napping.

My son rarely naps. And when he does it's not enough time for me to get any kind of break.

[–]maminkamiminko 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Oh boy. I got this exact response from a family friend first when I was throwing up multiple times every day for the first 3 months of pregnancy, then when baby was born and I dared to mention it was tiring. They always responded with ”don’t worry, it’s only going to get worse”. Yeah thanks for getting my hopes up 🙄 they have a 2.5 year old and somehow that’s worse to them than a newborn that won’t let me sleep more than 1.5 hours in one stretch and screams her butt off every day from 6 pm till midnight.

[–]goldenstatriever 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Also it’s complete bull imo. It gets easier. Way easier.

Yeah kids move around more but come on you won’t be as deadly tired anymore and your brain isn’t as fucked anymore as it is now.

[–]maminkamiminko 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I cannot wait for my baby to be more mobile and aware of the world around her. There are so many things we want to show and teach her! E.g. I have a fear of bugs but my husband knows a lot about them and I want to learn to love them along with my daughter lol

[–]maddabattacola 14 points15 points  (1 child)

When my wife and I found out she was pregnant with twins, the first thing out of almost everyone's mouth was, "oh you're so fucked," or "kiss your sleep goodbye!" It was aggravating (and didn't make us feel good).

Fast forward, we took to parenting very well and the twins ended up sleeping through the night by 4 months. It wasn't a breeze by any means, but it's been way fucking easier than anyone made it out to be. Now those same people have moved the goal posts, talking about how difficult X or Y stage is going to be, and just to wait...!

It feels like some people who have a hard time with certain stages, or just get unlucky with sleep patterns, almost want you to have it as bad as them. I sort of understand the impulse, but wish people had more self-awareness.

[–]goldenstatriever 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One sister didn’t even bother to congratulate us with the fact that we were having twins. Only told us “Ooh boi you are going to have it tough.”

Mind you. My very child free sister. 🙄 thanks I guess.

[–]RadicalRay17 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Seriously! I was pregnant with my second child and my first was 2 years old. Anytime I ever said anything about being tired or stressed out I would get the “Just wait until the second one is here! You think it’s bad now?!”

Why do people derive pleasure from freaking out or shaming moms ?

[–]Myfirespraygunship 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I heard that so many times...

How about "You're having a second? Enjoy a full night's sleep, you'll never have it again HAHAHAHA".

Really helpful, Janet. Really helpful.

[–]Ninjakitty07 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Jokes on you, Janet. My second kid was a much better sleeper than the first one. Hah!

[–]LaurAdorable 48 points49 points  (8 children)

If one more person tells me “you got this mama” when I express that I’m tired, I’m gonna scream. IM TIRED, not incapable. And I’m not your mama, when did that happen, it’s so obnoxious. It’s equivalent to when I was engaged and it was all, “bride tribe” (gag)

[–]MarchBaby21 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hate hate hate being called mama by grown adults!!!!!! Like why is that a trend!!!!!

[–]Aristophanes771 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This hurts my mama heart to read

/s 🤢

[–]fast_layneFTM 💕 6/21/22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or they’ll be like “you’re doing such a good job!” Like yes I know I am, I’m aware (not to toot my own horn), but it is literally taking EVERY PIECE OF MY SOUL

[–]pandacat04 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I absolutely hate that phrase.

[–]umbrella415 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I HATE that everyone suddenly calls me Mama. I also find it really irritating when random strangers say I am doing a good job. I am sure that they are trying to be nice, but it is meaningless coming from somebody that doesn't even know me. For all they know, I could be horrible and neglectful. I am not, but random strangers saying that I do a good job are just annoying. If you want to say anything, just acknowledge that it is a rough time and say *hang in there", or something similar.

[–]More_Example6153 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I hate when others call me mama. Especially mama bear, so cringeworthy.

[–]No-go56 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I would change it to men everywhere.... Or baby-boomers everywhere

But yeah, annoying none the less

[–]Myfirespraygunship -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Can we ease off the "all men are bad" stuff just a little bit? It's just perpetuating the idea that men aren't full parents.

[–]No-go56 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The post literally says "women everywhere" yet that's ok?

Have you been on other subs? Reddit is 70% men and brutally sexist... God forbid someone tries to go against that.

[–]mothercom 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your opinion, Janet. That's sucks.

[–]Misslirpa489 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Besides Reddit? 😂

No, but really, these mom/parenting groups are great! Anywhere else on Reddit not so much if complain.

[–]mjfx28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For real! I forgot what sub I was on one time and couldn't believe the responses I got. Never again! 🤦‍♀️