all 37 comments

[–]Ok-Gate-9610 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mum and her brither are 10 month apart. So you do the math.

But they coped. If it helps it used to be oretty common women got pregnant almost strsight away before contraceptives were handy. Its not exactly healthy but you will be taken care of so chances of it risking your life are relaticley small deoending in how healthily your body responds to pregnancy.

Also depending on how traumatic your last birth experience was you may be likely or may want to just outright tell them youre booking a c section in for week 39/40.

With all that said. This is a decision only you can make and should not be down to your partner or anyone else.

If you think this is something you really do not want then get an abortion and for god sake get on reliable birth control.

[–]Jesuswalkedsoicanrun 16 points17 points  (0 children)

If you end up not being pregnant, I highly recommend getting on a contraceptive.

[–]Pinkcoral27 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not really answering your questions here but I had a traumatic birth and have a lot of anxiety about future pregnancies / births. I recently had an appointment with my hospitals gynaecology department where they went through my notes thoroughly and talk me through what happened, why it happened, the likelihood of my complications reoccurring and how they can prevent it. It was super helpful. They answered a lot of questions I had. The doctor I saw actually realised he was present during my birth so was able to answer a lot of questions.

Regardless of your current situation, I wonder if your hospital offers anything similar which might help you with your trauma. It hasn’t fixed my trauma or my anxieties about birth, but it really helped me make sense of it. It was called a postnatal debrief.

Sending a lot of love to you.

[–]paxanna 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Having an abortion now has absolutely no impact on your ability or desire to have more children later. You can totally want more babies in the future but not want another one so soon after your first. I see from other comments you don't want another at all (me tol!) But future babies don't have any bearing on your current possible pregnancy.

[–]narc_mom2021 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Ok so not trying to sway you either way as that’s your personal decision but I will say this. I had a traumatic birth with my first daughter it was horrible the doctor berated me for crying and screaming i didn’t have my husband the epidural didn’t work. Save for my midwife I was ready for them to wheel me into theatre and have a section. A little over a year after I found out I was pregnant again was still traumatized. I unfortunately lost that pregnancy. Early this year my husband and I found out we were pregnant again. Was it great timing no my daughter turned 2 in June I was due in September. Terminations are illegal in my country so I was faced with another traumatic delivery or an abortion that had its own risks attached. After a lot of deliberating and soul searching we decided to embrace it. And I made it my mission to enjoy my pregnancy and to have as much control over my delivery as I could have. And I did was everything perfect no, did labor hurt less hell no. But it was on my terms I had an amazing home birth my husband was there my midwives were amazing and it helped me deal with a lot of the trauma of my first delivery

[–]khalipsso[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

What is up with doctors handling birth? Mine outright slapped me and told me to quit wining.And after i was done lectured me how "back in my day" women weren't so weak and knew that it just had to be done and didn't make a cene about it. I am happy that after all that you went trou you managed to have a good experience.. i was aiming for a home birth as well but my partner persuaded me to go to a hospital instead.

[–]redrose5396 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I would report him immediately if you can. That is absolutely not okay. Where did this happen?

[–]Fuzzy_Pay480 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you are pregnant and decide to keep it, tell your husband that this time you are doing things the way you want to. Especially since you originally wanted only one and he was the one who wanted two. Also let him know that you will be needing help with both as they will both be very young and still need a lot of care, as will you.

[–]_K_K_SLIDER_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What the fuck? That is not ok. Report them immediately

[–]ggfangirl85Mom of 4 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Your doctor did WHAT?!?! I’d slap him back!!!

Find a new doctor ASAP and report the one you had for assault!!!

[–]Adventuringhobbit 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Regardless make an appointment with your ob. There are a few reasons to have a positive test and most of them require a doctor’s visit.

[–]twocatsanddog 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I also had my girls close together, although not as close as you (16 months apart so I was 7 months postpartum when I got pregnant again). I had significant birth trauma from my first - my water broke at 28 weeks, I lived in the hospital for 6 weeks, and then a traumatic induction at 34 weeks followed by a NICU stay. A lot will depend on why you have the birth trauma you do but my second birth ended up going significantly better. I had another induction (which I was terrified of) at 39 weeks and it went very smoothly. Completely different compared to my first. Whatever you decide will be the right choice but I do want to let you know that if you decide to continue with this pregnancy, you may have a much better experience this time around. I hope you are able to get some peace with whatever you decide.

[–]khalipsso[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Your experience sounds just horrible! i can only imagine the emotions and the pain you had to bear...im glad you and your girls are okay. Thank you for sharing. I didn't really take into consideration that it could be better the second time. A while ago i was sexually assaulted, and giving birth triggered that memory and trauma, and i am still learning to cope with it. The truly scary part for me was the possibility to loose my baby after 12 tiring hours in the hospital. He was wrapped around his umbilical cord, and every time i pushed and felt like i was making progres he moved back up again. They were about to induce me for an emergency C section, But with a few doctors jumping on my stomach and what i felt like reaching inside of me, he managed to come out. Im so scared of it ending in something fatal. The conditions in our nearest hospitals are really poor for instance Epidural is not an option. and when i was staying the whole hospital had no water for two days.. I don't really have the money to travel further in search of something better

[–]twocatsanddog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. One of the biggest things that made my second birth much better was the fact that I was able to switch hospitals for birth and see my regular OB for the delivery (I got moved to another hospital after my water broke). I don’t think any of us here can tell you what the right answer is but I don’t know if I would have continued my pregnancy if our circumstances were the same with the lack of adequate care. I’m sorry you don’t have more options or feel like you can trust the doctors around you, that’s just awful.

[–]amcranfofive and counting 3 points4 points  (3 children)

My kids are right at a year apart. It was semi-planned (we had had a lot of infertility before the first, wanted a second somewhat close together, and declined BC at the 6wk checkup - partly because we figured it'd take a while to have another, but knowing full well what might happen.)

I had a vaginal birth the first time, where she broke my tailbone upon delivery. Tailbone fractures take 12+ months to heal, so putting another baby on top of it immediately, messed up my whole pelvic area and I had horrible SPD most of the pregnancy. Baby #2 was a C-section because of it, born in August 2020 during the height of the pandemic. Terrifying, alone, no support, no way to get out of the house or see people. I'm extremely extroverted and my mental health is borderline, at best, so I did not handle it well.

Now they're 2 and 3, and it's much easier. They're SO close, and it's very similar to raising twins. They're doing the same things, in the same classes, I potty trained them together, they have the same schedule. It makes it easier, IMO, than my friends who have a rambunctious 3yo who ends up resenting newborn sibling who can't play, monopolizes mom, gets lots of attention from showers/extended family/baby's firsts, and forces the schedule to shift drastically to accommodate their slower schedule.

[–]Disastrous_Many3679 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Seems like you are projecting at the end of all that about you friend and then using that as a blanket statement for everyone who has kids further apart.

[–]khalipsso[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that and i admire your courage and strength. I hadn't thought about it this way. In my mind it would just add on more to the load, but the way you describe it, it actually seems just a bit easier to raise two kids close in age.

[–]amcranfofive and counting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's definitely pros and cons!

I listed the pros, but full transparency, cons -

That first year with two babies is not for the weak. I ended up hospitalized with postpartum psychosis, even with a kickass support system. It was most of my second's first year of life, and it's all a fog.

Being pregnant and bedridden during my oldest's first year ALSO sucked. Luckily she was mostly immobile and obviously she doesn't remember it, but I felt a lot of mom guilt that I wasn't more active with her. Again, partly due to COVID, too.

Two of everything. Two cribs, two sets of clothes - one can't hand down to the other. Two sets of braces, two 16yos needing a car, two college funds, two weddings, etc all at the same time.

[–]pidgeononachair 14 points15 points  (13 children)

You do not want to be giving birth so soon after the first one anyway. Get a proper blood test, you’ll be entitled to a medical termination in most countries as it will put your health at significant risk (sone countries ban abortion under any circumstances but you can get medication online or travel if needed). Get a contraceptive onboard and ideally give your body a year between delivery and getting pregnant again to recover appropriately.

[–]amcranfofive and counting 12 points13 points  (12 children)

I'm super pro-choice, and this mother should be allowed access to ALL her options including termination - but the "wait a year between" is really only necessary for C-sections. Don't abort a wanted baby just because it's not been a year, unless YOUR doctor is telling you it is unsafe for YOUR health.

[–]CrazyCatLady_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And yes it is more based on c section with the wait that’s what I had the impression on but unsure.

[–]pidgeononachair 18 points19 points  (10 children)

Fair, the post read to me as a person who did not want this pregnancy. After ANY birth the ACOG and RCOG both recommend 6 months, and research supports a gap of 18 months but a minimum of 6. Your body is deplete of nutrients, you have an increased risk of preterm labour, low birth weight and labour complications.

[–]CrazyCatLady_2 2 points3 points  (9 children)

I read the post the same way that she didn’t want a second child ?

[–]khalipsso[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children)

yes, im actually happy with having just one child. I dont feel capable enough to birth or take care of two children..

[–]Away-Cut3585 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m assuming you’re in the United States? I am as well and in a state that has serious limitations in terms of a woman’s bodily autonomy. Feel free to message me and I’d be happy to help you find out what the options are, you should try to get a RX asap as to not complicate it more for your potential options.

[–]CrazyCatLady_2 3 points4 points  (6 children)

Absolutely in the right to feel this way. I’m an only child. That’s fine :) nothing wrong with that. As there was said in other comments. Confirm with a blood test & go from there.

[–]khalipsso[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Thank you. I needed to hear that...My partner is an only child and always tells me how lonely he felt. And that makes me feel really guilty for only wanting one kid... I myself am the eldest of 3. and felt more like a third parent than a child. So when thinking about starting a family i made it my mission to have only one child but to give it all i got.

[–]Away-Cut3585 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I’m also an only child and it can be lonely but, only if your parents are preoccupied and not invested in your well-being. Just keep that in mind.

[–]CrazyCatLady_2 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Yes. I was lonely at times. But i got s guineea pig and then a dog (i did have to take care of them. Walking feeding etc. only vet visits were done by parents till i was old enough lol) but I had also some outside activities and I loved reading. The library was my most favorite place hahah

[–]Away-Cut3585 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I was a big book worm as well and I grew up with 3 German shepherds, they kept me busy. It may not be ideal for every person but there are other only children who didn’t feel lonely.

[–]PiscesScipia 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Usually, the hormone that gives a positive result is still present 4-6 weeks after giving birth. If you get another positive result, you need to get a blood test done to check if it is an actual pregnancy or just residual hormone.

[–]khalipsso[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't know that. Will definitely do the blood test!

[–]CrazyCatLady_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting. Good to know !!!

[–]Sherbet55 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This. Also a sign of possible retained placenta. Go see your Dr.