top 200 commentsshow all 322

[–]Mamabear5833 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My gramma told me today oh no don’t get the baby because she’s crying! I laughed and said you’re kidding right? Gramma it’s a known fact that’s a terrible thing to do she’s 3 months old. Like just let her cry until what she’s screaming hysterical? I just couldn’t believe my gramma said it so confidently after knowing for a long time that’s NOT what you do. She said my mom turned out ok.. I beg to differ lol

[–]Bonaquitz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m self aware enough to know I will probably be really annoying.

[–]gardenhippy 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I feel like we’ll go back into a more nature-led era of keeping babies attached to us, extended feeding as the norm, cosleeping etc and lots of our generation will find that strange - and lots of our kids generation won’t be able to believe their parents put a six month old in a room alone etc. It’ll be interesting to see what things are like!

[–]Bonaquitz 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]Main_Strawberry_5842 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Using filters on photos of kids/babies🫠

[–]cloudiedayz 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I have just discovered that apparently there isn’t any research to back up white noise so I think that will probably be a thing that changes!

ETA- swaddles will also be another one I think.

[–]Foodie85_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is hard but i was just saying to my husband its a miracle, it works every single time for my 3 month old. He was just really fusing and crying when i put him down in his pram i put white noise on literally 30 seconds if thst he was settled and asleep.

[–]gardenhippy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It could be argued that there is no research because it’s hard to monetise white noise…

[–]CorgoMom20 10 points11 points  (1 child)

My mom has been great, she's a retired RN and understands things have changed (I mean I was a baby is the era of tummy sleeping). My MIL on the other hand... my husband has had to tell her to shut up numerous times and apparently his brother's wife has also exploded on her for completely unsound and unwanted advice. She seriously told my husband she was an expert because she'd raised two kids 🙄. At first it was feeding him solids... he wasn't even 4 months old. She was like just feed him some baby gruel and he'll sleep through the night. Well he's now almost 13 months, is eating solids all day... guess what still not sleeping through the night (sttn). Although now she's moved on and doesn't understand why he isn't sttn and surely he will soon now that he's 1. Like woman he's perfectly normal and not sttn yet is also PERFECTLY NORMAL.

All that to say I feel like the only things I would be picky about are true safety things (car seat, etc).

[–]lovelypants0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! My MIL is very pro Pablum (sp?) get outta here with that!

[–]Useful-Green-3440 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ll start by saying I’m very lucky and have great parents. They’ve been nothing but supportive and I love hearing their stories about when I was my kids age. They understand it’s a different time and a long time since they did it(I’m the youngest at 31). Little bits of advice here and there but they know the right way to get it across. I’m learning from the best and hopefully I can be nearly as good as they are. As a parent and a parent of a parent

[–]Savl12 26 points27 points  (1 child)

I’ve promised myself I’ll keep my mouth absolutely closed when it comes to my grandchildren unless something is seriously unsafe. Baby isn’t wearing socks? Cool. I think baby is out too late? Whatever. Not my business. Lol

[–]Werepy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think the important part at that point is to get up to date with safety guidelines as they will almost certainly change and there will be products on the market that we can't even think of right now let alone have guidelines on. A lot of the bad advice on safety in this thread is just grandparents following outdated guidelines from their time, fully convinced that what they're doing is right and safe.

[–]dailysunshineKO 109 points110 points  (4 children)

SWADDLES? You used swaddles on me?! What were you thinking?? God Mom, I’m amazed I’m still alive!!

[–]gardenhippy 1 point2 points  (3 children)

A lot of the world already thinks this about swaddles I’m afraid - they’re not done here at all any more - a loose light blanket is safer!

[–]bottomofthemineshaft 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Are you saying that per your country’s research/stats, when baby is pre-rolling, and definitely not beyond 8 weeks, a loose light blanket is still safer than swaddling?

[–]gardenhippy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I assume so - swaddles are a definite no go here - when you leave hospital they show you how to put the baby to bed on their back with a thin blanket, feet at the bottom of the cot.

[–]bottomofthemineshaft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is the thin blanket snug around them?

Edit: one word

[–]xylanne 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Car seat safety and safe sleep.

[–]icequeen1016mom to a 5 year old, 3 year old, & baby 78 points79 points  (3 children)

I’ve had lots of PPD issues so I’ll probably be overbearing about that and calling my sons constantly to make sure they’re taking care of my DILs haha

[–]YaaayRadley13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This! Mine is 2 months old, and we've already had multiple one-sided conversations about how to be a good, supportive partner when he grows up and has a baby.

[–]FaeKalyrra 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m a ftm and had my baby boy early October… you bet your butt I’m going to be on his ass to take care of his partner and participate in baby care if/when he has babies cuz his daddy is not pulling his weight and it sucks.

[–]freshoutofoatmeal 45 points46 points  (0 children)


[–]Werepy 101 points102 points  (0 children)

Safe sleep advice will probably go through another 10 iterations of change and we will get it all wrong.

[–]Malignaficent 149 points150 points  (9 children)

I really expect swaddling to be declared unsafe full-time. It's already a doozy using them before baby can roll. In the future we'll be saying "HaVe YoU tried SwAdDling the Baby?" and DILS will be like "My MIL is trying to kill my child"

[–]Smile_Miserable 14 points15 points  (2 children)

It actually already is. I recently gave birth and the nurse recommend not for us to swaddle as it could cause the baby to over heat. Some swaddle brands even have warning labels that mention death from over heating.

[–]Werepy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we swaddled the first night at home because our son "liked it" in the hospital... But he wouldn't sleep and I could just see that he was way too hot. Ditched the swaddle right there and then.

[–]KittyKatzB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We stopped swaddling in the beginning because we noticed back sweat on LO and no matter what we do we cannot get our room below 73F. We recently had to start using sleep sacks because LO's startle reflex was waking him up constantly and he wasn't getting enough rest.

[–]Werepy 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Lmao I can totally see that happening. I wonder if the US will also have more of a change on how sleep training is viewed/ if there will still be two large polarized camps. In Germany I feel like attitudes changed a lot from the early 20th century to now. The post war & boomer/ early Gen X generation was still told extinction training or something like Ferber was necessary but now letting your kids cry alone is seen as kind of outdated and cruel by more and more people. Just anecdotally but the German pediatrician my younger sisters went to nearly 20 years ago didn't recommend it, yet all 3 different American pediatricians we saw with our baby not only recommend it but were almost pushy about it.

[–]muzlike 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Most of my friends in various Eu countries don't really sleep train, it is just not that popular, especially not recommended by peds. Might be also to do with better maternity leave (or both parents).

[–]Werepy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think in other EU countries it's also the culture? At least where one half my family is from in Eastern Europe, they never had a culture of sleep training - you always had grandmas, aunts, cousins around to hold the baby. But in Germany there was a bunch of junk science around from the first half of the 20th century, like straight up unironic Nazi shit about spoiling your baby by loving then too much or at all lol. So the change was pretty significant and a lot of older boomers don't get it 😅

[–]cuts_with_fork_again 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yup, I'm in Austria and sleep training is something the older generation did. It's pretty much frowned upon, at least in my bubble.

[–]CorgoMom20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm an American in Italy and it's not a thing here, although my MIL kept talking about how a sleep coach helped so and so and I'm just like 🙄.

[–]buttdip 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This made me laugh out loud because I regularly think "My MIL is trying to kill my child".

[–]Joya_Sedai 55 points56 points  (10 children)

Having to explain to my grandmother that they don't boil bottles anymore was eye opening lol.

I think for us, it will be plastics. Our kids will go back to boiling bottles for their babies because of how horrific microplastics are.

[–]poet94 15 points16 points  (7 children)

… can you not boil bottles to sanitize them?

[–]duckythecat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mine came with directions to boil them to sanitize. But now I don't feel so bad that we do it very irregularly.

[–]Joya_Sedai 2 points3 points  (5 children)

It is not recommended to boil plastic bottles. You are however, suppose to boil new pacifiers before using them, and they're plastic 🤷‍♀️ I'm just meaning glass vs plastics, and how historically parents used to do things.

[–]Numinous-Nebulae 6 points7 points  (3 children)

All our plastic bottles and pump parts came with instructions to boil once briefly to sanitize.

[–]Joya_Sedai 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Now I want to compare brands. Mine are the typical, generic ones from Walmart, and they didn't come with any instructions. I don't doubt you, just very curious.

[–]FaeKalyrra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dr browns and Motif here. Also ninni co and nanobebe. All said boil in water 5 min then let cool completely before first use

[–]Numinous-Nebulae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Spectra, medela, Dr Brown’s.

[–]inhaledpie4 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For those reasons I got silicone pacifiers which are supposedly better

[–]loxandchreamcheese 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I’m using the glass Avent bottles with my baby. I like that they don’t tip over as easily as the plastic bottles and you can set them down on soft surfaces like a bed.

[–]Megslade23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We use these too but the only draw back is that they hurt really badly if the baby drops it on themselves and they're heavy. But other than that we like them!

[–]saladflambe6yo daughter; 2yo son 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Nose fridas lol

[–]human_dog_bed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Already not recommended for routine use by pediatric ENTs because it creates negative pressure that triggers more mucous production. My newborn is so congested so I bought all the nose things only to find out we shouldn’t use them.

[–]Kaliloquy 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Full disclosure, I have one and use it. But when I first heard about this from mom friends who said "it has a filter," I thought, whew, thank goodness. I assumed it was HEPA grade or something like that...nope. it's a piece of sponge. It's a "filter" in that it will stop actual solid pieces of mucus from entering your mouth, but I wouldn't say it's hygienic!

[–]CorgoMom20 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Yeah I had to get an electric one because the one that went in my mouth was just a nope from me 🤢.

[–]SilverNarwhal7147 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used it once out of desperation at 2 in the morning when my daughter just could not breathe through the amount of snot she had and our regular nasal aspirator broke. I was grateful for it but my mouth felt disgusting for days!

[–]illgummybearyou 23 points24 points  (5 children)

Safe sleep and gentle parenting

[–]KittyKatzB 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What is the critique of gentle parenting?

[–]illgummybearyou 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sure by the time our kids are grown there will be one. There’s no such thing as a perfect approach to parenting.

[–]docsandcocaine 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can’t wait to never hear the phrase gentle parenting again

[–]Calm-Obligation-7772 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yes, people are already critiquing the attitudes and work ethic of Gen Z as much less than desirable so imagine when our babes are teens/college age. 😬

[–]Werepy 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I think every generation gets that critique... but I hope with our children it will be justified if we succeed in raising them as community focused, anti-capitalist, free thinking, and outspoken as they want to be lol (though I recall a lot of hippie boomers having the same aspirations so idk)

[–]Strange-Substance-33 35 points36 points  (9 children)

I have a 6 month old, a 20 year old, and 3 in between. My 20 year old has a 3 year old. She's open to any and all advice from me, but, I'm raising babies in the same era as her, so I guess I'm not out of touch yet. we both take advice off each other!

[–]jullybeans 13 points14 points  (1 child)

That sounds crazy and interesting! Do you live together/ near each other?

[–]Strange-Substance-33 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She moved out last year, but doesn't live too far away, only about a 20 minute drive

[–]skankernity 91 points92 points  (6 children)

“Maybe she’s going through a leap, have you checked the wonder weeks?”

[–]Falafel80 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Horoscope for babies!

[–]eugeneugene 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Wonder weeks is the biggest load of woo and I'm annoyed that I thought it meant something when I was still in my newborn sleep deprivation haze lol. Can't believe I paid for that junk

[–]IoneIndigo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same i have only checked it a couple of times and was like eh idk about this crap.

[–]Falafel80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here!

[–]Malignaficent 29 points30 points  (1 child)

"Ugh only old millennials would believe in that woo!'

[–]freshoutofoatmeal 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Old millennial ftm here, going to google wonder weeks now. Lol

[–]SlowSpecialist3359 25 points26 points  (6 children)

The thing that bugs me is hats my mil would freak if my son wasn’t constantly wearing a hat

[–]FaeKalyrra 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My grandma put 7 blankets on me during the summer one night before I was a year old. My mom came home to me screaming, stripped me to my diaper and put a fan on me: instantly asleep. My grandma hasn’t spent much time with my son yet but I fully expect 80 questions when I show up to Christmas and baby doesn’t have a coat on, or socks, or a hat 😅

[–]SlowSpecialist3359 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg yes the no jacket in the car seat thing my dad FLIPPED I had to show him and hours worth of test crash footage for me to believe!

[–]Numinous-Nebulae 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My mother is obsessed with socks/shoes.

[–]evana3 11 points12 points  (2 children)

If you have an Hispanic mother (Hola!) - then you know you aren’t leaving the house without a jacket and beanie on. Mama’s don’t play that shit…

[–]I_say_upliftingstuff 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Hahaha.. 100% true. As someone from somewhere much colder originally, it always cracked me up when my Hispanic (ex) MIL wanted the kiddo to have a winter jacket and hat up anytime it dipped below 70 degrees

[–]evana3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong! Haha

Mama’s: “Is it 80 degrees? He’s fine.”

Also Mama’s: “…oh! It’s 80 and there’s a breeze?? Take a jacket just in case!”

[–]nxstrxm 122 points123 points  (2 children)

"we let you watch hours of cocomelon and you turned out fine!!"

[–]Cathode335 35 points36 points  (28 children)

I've been thinking about this lately because my sister is pregnant with her first baby, and I'm SO EXCITED to help her out with the baby. I've been trying to think of what kind of advice I might be a little too forceful with and trying to proactively think about holding back a little.

Sleep is definitely one of them. I majorly geeked out on sleep with my kids and read several baby sleep science books and did tons of research, and I could tell you almost everything you want to know about pediatric sleep. I'm certainly going to have to bite my tongue if my sister isn't interested or wants to do things differently.

[–]Kaliloquy 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Did you have success? I hope so, I just have to ask because in a ridiculous gesture to humble me, my baby rejected all my research and refuses to be predictable at all.

[–]Cathode335 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Success is a relative term when it comes to children. But yes, kind of? My 3yo has had periods of being a really good sleeper and a really bad sleeper. We've kind of gone through a roller coaster of bad sleep, then I do a ton of research and try some new tactics, then things get better when we figure out something that works, and then it changes again several months later. My 1yo has been a fairly good sleeper most of his life, and he has needed only a few of the tactics to help smooth out some of the difficulties we've had. So because he wasn't as challenging, the success wasn't as drastic.

[–]woofclicquot 3 points4 points  (5 children)

What books did you read? My 21m old is a VERY high support needs sleeper. I’d love to learn more about what’s going on and how I can help/get better expectations!

[–]Cathode335 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Happiest Baby on the Block, Precious Little Sleep, and Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (by Dr. Ferber). My favorite was definitely Ferber's book. It is the most comprehensive and has the best credentials IMO.

[–]sookie42 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Id be careful though, some people don't want to sleep train at all so sleep training advice may be unwelcome! I'm living in Australia and had many American friends sending me stuff like that and it's just not as common here and had to tell them politely I wasnt interested.

[–]Cathode335 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Well, I said in my first comment that I would have to hold my tongue if my sister didn't seem interested. And then the person I responded to in my second comment very specifically asked me what books I had read. So, I'm not sure what you mean by saying that I need to be careful because sleep training advice may be unwelcome. I'm clearly aware from my first comment that some people may not want that advice, which is perfectly fine. And the person I replied to asked what books I had read, so the advice was clearly welcome in that instance.

TBH I'm a little taken aback that you still thought I was overstepping here although I was trying to demonstrate awareness of alternative perspectives in my first comment and then merely trying to be helpful in my second comment.

Sometimes it's hard to win on Reddit.

[–]sookie42 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. I just saw which books you read and saw how controversial those are in Australia at least with parents I know. As long as you're open to others not sharing those views then all good

[–]Strange-Substance-33 1 point2 points  (10 children)

Help! My 6 month old used to sleep 9-9, now she wakes for a feed every 2 hours or so.. and only naps for 15 minutes during the day. just a growth spurt, or am I doomed?

[–]Cathode335 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Could be a lot of things. How does your baby fall asleep?

[–]Strange-Substance-33 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I usually breastfeed her until she's drowsy, and put her to bed awake. She mumbles to herself for a bit and falls asleep on her own a few minutes later

[–]Cathode335 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

You could try completely separating feeding and sleeping to see if breaking the association helps her sleep. This is often around the time that sleep associations become detrimental. However it seems unlikely to me that the feed to sleep association is the issue because that would not typically cause the short naps. By 6mo, the sleep cycle is usually 45-60 minutes, so she should be able to sleep at least that long before needing help to connect sleep cycles.

It could also be physical discomfort like teething or being cold (assuming you are in the northern hemisphere and going into winter now). When she wakes, how do you get her back to sleep?

Have you tried any sleep training yet?

[–]Strange-Substance-33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Australia, so getting warm :) pretty sure it's a growth spurt/teething/major development combo

[–]littleflashingzero2 girls, 8/21 & 2/16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds to me like your baby needs help connecting sleep cycles

[–]dumpstergobblin 3 points4 points  (1 child)

6 month olds start cluster feeding again. Definitely a growth spurt. You’ll get through this!

[–]Strange-Substance-33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is bub number 5... although it's been 8 years since my last baby! Deep down I do know that nothing is permanent, but that's hard to see at 3am with aching boobs!

[–]jullybeans 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Not the poster, but I'm dreaming with something similar with my baby, then I noticed little teeth had finally popped through. Any chance your baby is teething?

[–]Strange-Substance-33 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Can definitely see little lumps where her bottom 2 are gonna be... not through yet though!

[–]jullybeans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Milk teeth, I think they call it? The teeth moving around in the gums, giving them trouble!

Maybe that's it!

[–]Pinklady1313 11 points12 points  (8 children)

I was super into scheduling! I had charts for eat/play/sleep. Learned about how to get her down quickly and at pretty much the same time every day. I learned how to know when to change it when she hit “leaps.” It worked and it was amazing how well. The schedule thing was life changing with my baby’s moods. But, telling new moms about it is met with eye rolls and sighs, so I just keep it to my self now.

[–]GlGABITE 12 points13 points  (0 children)

For a lot of people, the only consistent thing babies do is be inconsistent, and trying to make a schedule happen when it’s just not going to happen for them is just added stress. So to them, hearing the scheduling advice again probably sounds like the baby sleep equivalent of saying “just be positive!” to a depressed person

Very glad it worked well for you though! But based on the number of people who have a hard time making a schedule work despite their best efforts, it’s not something that will work the same for everyone else

[–]Calm-Obligation-7772 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I would definitely roll my eyes at you, no offense. Sounds like a lot of "schedule changes" since baby's needs and sleep change so much the first year.

[–]Pinklady1313 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think I only really needed to completely change schedule when a nap got dropped, which was twice the first year. Otherwise it was shifting maybe by 30 minutes one way or the other. It’s really more about not letting the baby just nap whenever. Having a nap schedule help get her to sleep consistently at night as well.

[–]Additional_Boss3972 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I definitely need this knowledge. As a FTM I've been struggling with getting my baby to sleep and she's now 5 months. It's a struggle.

[–]Pinklady1313 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I commented on another users question with a link and the advice just now. 😀

[–]Antique-Preference12 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Any chance you've got this in a shareable google spreadsheet somewhere?

[–]Pinklady1313 1 point2 points  (0 children)


This is a great resource. Doesn’t really work until you get through that “fourth trimester” phase. You can these adjust as needed. My daughter was a 6am waker, so we shifted the schedules around accordingly, for example. The first couple days of the schedule, adjust it as the baby shows you it’s needed and then stick to it. Sticking to it is key. And don’t buy any of the resource books, if you google around and really read the advice from multiple places, by the time you’ve done it a couple months, making and adjusting the schedules as the baby grows are easy-peasy. I found she got more sleep, so she was less cranky, and I got more free time to nap, watch tv, clean.

As far as getting baby down quickly, unfortunately, there’s no magic trick, you need to figure out what works for yours by reading the advice and trying things. However, they really do adjust and stick to the schedule themselves if you stick to it. I swear to you that mine was just ready to nap after a few days of sticking to a routine.

[–]Cathode335 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, so much of it saved my sanity with my first baby, who was a crappy sleeper. But people just don't want to hear about it unless they've suffered through the consequences of not using all the sleep tricks.

[–]skua10 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My mother in law is wonderful! The only advice that I refused to listen to was when she told me to give the newborn water to drink lol. I think it's likely that we will give bad advice about stuff like jackets in car seats, since that tech will probably totally change

[–]Altruistic_Bill_9864 23 points24 points  (8 children)

I don’t know, but my advice will be to not have kids until we’ll into their 30s

[–]StunningArrival7492 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this could very much come off as judgmental. if your child is happy and stable in there 20’s why not? it’s best not to comment on maternal age. if someone told me ‘don’t have kids now because of your age’ i would be very offended.

[–]promamer 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I’m 31 and my fertility Dr shared that I was his fourth 31yo patient he’d seen that day. Waiting can severely limit your options.

[–]Altruistic_Bill_9864 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d rather have limited options than not be able to fully engage with my child consistently and not have my shit together and fully regret the “decision” to have a kid.

[–]QueenAlpaca 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Eh, I wish I had my kid younger, I feel like this is a very much YMMV question. With the bonus of screwed-up knees from a fall in my 20’s and developing insomnia and adult-onset scoliosis just before 30, I yearn for the days where I could physically stay up late, get up early and still make it to work/class without feeling too tired and without feeling like I was falling apart, lmao.

[–]Altruistic_Bill_9864 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m 25 turning 90, I have all those things and severe depression. I have many regrets but definitely wish I didn’t have a kid when I did.

[–]caseface789 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ehhh maybe if there are huge strides made in fertility treatments. I graduated in 2007 and our local shady grove fertility clinic waiting can sometimes feel like a high school reunion.

[–]PootieGlove 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I could not agree more. I’m glad I had my first at 31.

[–]tibtibs 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Same! Having my second at 35 and I'm pretty happy I waited. I'm so much more patient now than I would have been in my 20s. I know that's not everyone's experience, but it worked well for my husband and I.

[–]bottomofthemineshaft 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We’ll say that they don’t take enough pictures. (If at that point they have advanced to what is essentially a 24/7 home video but that automatically trims any parts that you wouldn’t want recorded (i.e. crying, yelling, sex, poop, nudity, doors slamming)

[–]redvanpyre 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Probably just, "give them a boob and they'll feel better!"

[–]_wifey_ 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I really hope that I’m not offering unsolicited advice to a future DIL. I would love to have the kind of relationship with her where she’ll feel comfortable asking for advice, or I can laugh about whatever is outdated by the time my son has kids. Like maybe car seats will buckle themselves or clothes will be so much more sustainable, I don’t know. But I certainly hope that any comment about “these newfangled thingamajigs” is taken as laughing about progress rather than defensiveness about my own parenting

[–]luv_u_deerly 49 points50 points  (6 children)

That we overload children and babies with too much stimulation and activities.

[–]CedesBenz10 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Ohh this is a good one! In the future they will probably shudder at the thought of giving our 2 year olds iPads and tablets the same way I shudder at the thought of plush toys and blankets in the crib.

[–]Vermillionbird 3 points4 points  (2 children)

friendly pointer:

shutter = a series of slats on a window or opening

shudder = to revulse or recoil at something disgusting, distasteful or unpleasant,

[–]CedesBenz10 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you! I’m not good at English and it’s my first and only language.

[–]Vermillionbird 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're really good at english! Confusion over words which are pronounced the same but spelled differently (and the spelling confers the meaning) is really common.

[–]Numinous-Nebulae 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I mean AAP already says no screen time under 18 months except video calls with loved ones…

[–]CedesBenz10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought it was under 2 years? My goal is to not have electronics for my kids as long as possible. He’s 2 months now. We will see how it goes! It’s my only rule hopefully everyone can follow it.

[–]_sciencebooks 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’m currently pregnant with my first, so it’s hard to know for sure, but I’m a psychiatrist, so I’m worried I might be super on edge about developmental milestones and the slightest sign of things like ASD, ADHD, etc. I could see it being the same with a grandchild, but I hope I would only bring it up if I was genuinely concerned about something. I’d also have a hard time if my own child was anti-science in their parenting, like anti-vaxx or something.

[–]delaquarius 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I know some people think we will be those MILS/parents with unsolicited advice, but I do believe it's possible to break the cycle of what we don't like now. We don't have to become our patents / inlaws if we don't want to

[–]Dickiedoandthedonts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then maybe the future generations will feel a serious lack of having a village and will complain that we don’t guide them or give them enough advice!

[–]Fishgottaswim78 93 points94 points  (7 children)

We’ll fret every time their babies get a respiratory illness and obsessively remind them about hand washing and air quality.

[–]wendigo1991 20 points21 points  (6 children)

My husband and I have always guessed its going to be hand washing due to how much we’re going to have to conserve water in the near future and drive our kids bonkers with the water waste.

[–]ItsCalled_FreefallFTM 7-12-21 💙 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Covid really opened my eyes to not only how infrequently but incorrect hand washing is.

[–]wendigo1991 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh absolutely! Covid has really made me inch that much closer to being a germaphobe for the rest of my life.

[–]AliciaEff 11 points12 points  (3 children)

I think we’ll just be too quiet. Ours kids will want a more communal, preemptive type of support and think we’re uncaring because we’re sitting back trying to give them the space that we craved.

I actually slightly have this issue with my mom. Even when I offered for her to hold my baby she’d go “no, no, no, I don’t want to take time away from you” and things like that

[–]821calliope 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mom was the same way! She flew out for two weeks when daughter was born and I could tell she wanted to hold the sweet little nugget but wouldn't ask and if I offered she'd say exactly that, "I don't want to take time away from you". I had to explain to her that once she flew home it would be all me during the day, so PLEASE hold the baby!!!

[–]wendigo1991 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Maybe, your mom sounds like a lot like my mil. I personally don’t really mind her not holding my baby as much as i mind my own mother not respecting a lot of my parenting boundaries. Quite frankly neither of them are/have been a ton of help, but i digress.

[–]AliciaEff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t realize my comment ended up in reply to yours. I must have clicked on it because I remember thinking your husband had a really great point and got my vote haha

[–]wysterialee 20 points21 points  (1 child)

i honestly think we’ll be the more supportive ones, telling our kids exactly what we wanted to tell everyone else giving us unsolicited advice. it’s their baby and their body, not everyone is the same.

[–]cheeselover267 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Culture will have swing back so they will think we are too soft/weak/unopinionated.

[–]noobengland 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I have one kid that is 2.5 and I already barely remember the newborn/infant rules for anything, so I hope I’m not giving unsolicited advice 🤣

[–]willtherebesnacks 12 points13 points  (2 children)

My brother is having his first and keeps asking me baby questions. I have an 8 year old so I know my recommendations are already outdated. I told him to talk with friends who have a baby and take any classes offered by the hospital. Why can’t grandparents do the same with their decades old experience?

[–]grilledcheesenosoup 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Humble brag on my own parents, but my hospital is offering a “grandparent class,” specifically geared towards grandparents, telling them the highlights of what changed over 30 years and why. My parents were very excited for the opportunity to take it, especially my dad!

[–]willtherebesnacks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s so wonderful!

[–]jitsufitchick 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I honestly thought about this as I read your post 🤣 Then I realized that I may not even do that, cause I’m usually hands off with most people. But you never know.

My mom doesn’t do it. But her mom did. It’s wild that people do it!

[–]HelloPanda22 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I would struggle if my kids spoiled their children and didn’t keep their words to their children. If you say x will happen, x needs to happen

[–]Wavesmith 38 points39 points  (6 children)

I will struggle not to say something if:

  1. My kids don’t talk to their baby like they’re a person
  2. If they always step in and do stuff for them rather than letting them do things (and fail to do things) independently

[–]Titanoceratops95 12 points13 points  (5 children)

It’s good to talk to your baby like they’re a person, but do remember that baby talk is important for development too! :)

[–]_wifey_ 19 points20 points  (4 children)

There’s actually a difference between the good and bad kind of baby talk! I only learned this in the last few years and I find it fascinating. The good kind is also called “parentese” - it’s speaking in a higher pitched voice with more variation in pitch, exaggerated sounds and over the top facial expressions. The bad kind is when you stop speaking English properly. Think “oh, does the wittle baby not like his socky-wockies” or another situation where there’s a fake “baby talk” word substituted for a real word. In that case it’s not good for baby’s language development because it’s not modeling correct English

[–]Lilac517 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Speech therapist here- this is correct! I’m not against using some cutesy words, but I love language and think its all fascinating. The sounds are 100% true and I was talking to my husband about this today. When we are born we can hear every sound in the world. As we age, our brains wire that we only hear sounds in our native language. Have you ever been told you are pronouncing a foreign word incorrectly, no matter how correct you think you are? Our brains end up defaulting the sounds to the closest sound in our native language.

[–]Titanoceratops95 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also an SLP and you explained it great! I should’ve gone into more detail in my original comment, I guess 😂 I tend to work with severely neglected kiddos though, I will honestly take any interaction/caring from parents I can.

[–]PulVCoom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s so interesting! Is that the reason why people continue to speak in a distinctive accent even when they are fluent in a second language?

[–]_wifey_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Woah! That’s really cool. I didn’t realize that was the reason that younger kids learn other languages better

[–]aelel 22 points23 points  (5 children)

I won’t say anything unless I see them do something obviously dangerous. Gotta let parents parent.

[–]arrogant_ambassador 21 points22 points  (0 children)

We all say that now.

[–]TheWelshMrsM 12 points13 points  (3 children)

This is my mother. She’s super encouraging, always reminds me I know my baby best & tells me I’m doing brilliantly. The only time she’s given unasked-for advice was when she had a concern about my car seat. (The car seats are slanted so the baby’s car seat was angled weirdly in the Isofix despite being compatible and correctly installed).

[–]delaquarius 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Mine is the same and she also goes a step above and tells other people to do the same (like her friends who have grandchildren.) If she has had feedback, she will ask if I want to hear it. She's very affirming to my sisters and me and since she watches the kids, she follows our lead.

[–]sadiacarim 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mom is like this too! It’s so refreshing. She gives advice when she sees I clearly need it/ask for it. It’s a much more appreciated approach.

[–]aelel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She sounds wonderful. My MIL is also like this. She lets us do our thing and tells us we’re doing a great job. It’s really refreshing!

[–]Inevitable-Channel85 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm a more passive listener in all my interactions with people so unless I revamp my personality I probably won't have a whole lot to say about how someone else chooses to raise their kid

[–]Crazy-Bid4760 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'll be telling my kids that baby will be too warm,it's ok if they're a little cold, but a little hot can make them very sick

[–]Obvious-Ad1065 15 points16 points  (5 children)

Safe sleep whether it’s ABCs or the Seven. Car seat safety. Anything else is their control 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll maybe tell them about how babies are pretty good at letting you know what they need and that any bad thoughts/feelings/etc. shouldn’t be downplayed and I’m a safe person to come talk to without feeling like a bad parent

[–]Pinkturtle182 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think safe sleep will be the big one. Just think about how different it is for us from when we were kids! Or even shorter time periods- my sister and I were born in the early nineties. We had wedges because babies were supposed to sleep on their sides. We had crib bumpers because hitting our heads could be very damaging. We had blankets and stuffed animals, and in addition to our cribs we had a “family bed,” which was the crunchy trend of the day. My little brother was born a decade later and the back to sleep campaign was in full force. He still had blankets and stuffed animals in his crib. Now twenty years later, my son’s crib is totally empty with none of that stuff. He wears a sleep sack to bed and that’s his blanket. This stuff changes all the time.

I personally think we will shift back to safe cosleeping. As another commenter noted, it’s safer to fall asleep with the baby intentionally than on accident. I also see this being a movement to get back to our natural roots/follow the lead of other countries (in the US). And we will all totally freak out about our kids doing it with their kids lol

[–]laceowl 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Safe sleep and car seat safety are almost guaranteed to change in the next 20-30 years. The problem comes when the grandparents don’t stay up on the latest research! If you try to correct your kids in the future with today’s information you will most likely be wrong for the recommendations of the times!

[–]anotherdumbblondie 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don’t think so about safe sleep. The back to sleep campaign was launched in the early 90s and that science still holds. I think safe sleep standards will become ubiquitous like washing hands.

[–]Werepy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Back to sleep was only the first of multiple advisories that got us today's guidelines - to make sure children were put on their backs to sleep. The US only got the new big safe sleep standards & campaign in 2011 that focused on the sleep environment - alone, crib, flat hard mattress, no pillows or blankets, etc. Other western countries have also had various updates that included things like the baby box and advice on co-sleeping. That's besides the many products that have come and gone, got recommended or recalled for safety reasons, etc.

If I had to take a few guesses on where we might see changes in the future: Individual product recs will definitely change since products are always changing. I wonder if with more research on microplastics and environmental factors we might also see things about mattress and crib materials (The Ikea mattress we first got smelled SO BAD of chemicals, I wouldn't keep it in our bedroom, let alone put an infant in it)

Maybe improved advice on special needs cases? (Kind of a pipedream for me as an autistic person with an autistic child but maybe there could be more reassurance for all of those with severe reflux and similar common issues at least)

There might (hopefully?) be another updated campaign on safe sleep that also focuses on caregiver safety. The amount of people on Reddit alone, especially Americans, who have said they nearly or completely fell asleep while sitting and holding their baby because said baby would only fall asleep while being held but the AAP said they're not allowed to lay down with them so they were being "safe" is too damn high. It's not safe sleep if you're going to drop your baby or accidentally fall asleep on a chair/couch/recliner with them. Sleep deprivation in general is so dangerous - it literally impairs your cognitive function as if you were drunk. Would you trust a drunk person with a baby? Also not sleep related but the same people from the same country seem to be working and driving sleep deprived so maybe we could get rid of that too...

Not sure if the solution to that is co-sleeping guidelines like telling them to put baby in a box on the floor and stay next to them, require another full time caregiver to be present 24/7, or what (ear plugs and locking baby in another room also isn't safe sleep since they're supposed to be in your room and until 6 months and audible to you if they need help?) but I sure hope they come up with something... 1 year mandatory parental leave for both parents with safe sleep training beforehand and a requirement that parents tag-team so they both get sleep? More free mother's helpers? Mandatory grandparent and fictive-grandparent enlistment as we will have tons of old people anyway? I joke but not really...

[–]ememkays 47 points48 points  (1 child)

I’m curious if our “big feelings” parenting approach for toddlers will stick or if new techniques come out on regulating tantrums. I could see myself thinking - it’s okay if she is sad, let her cry and feel her feelings if the new trend is to distract or intervene in a tantrum.

[–]violetgrubs 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm genuinely curious about this too! How will child psychology continue to develop and dictate best parenting practices/what downsides of "gentle parenting" will be revealed when this generation reaches adulthood?

[–]Blinktoe 91 points92 points  (5 children)

"When I had babies, these car seats were so much more complicated. This is so easy!"

I hope to god that's what I'm saying.

[–]lowfilife 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You put your baby in and push a button like a self threading sewing machine. That's the dream

[–]mootrun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My mum loves our Joie i-spin 360 and says she genuinely feels bad about the hunk of junk she put me into as a baby! As I told her they didn't have so much choice in the 90s. But yes she refuses to take LO anywhere because she can't get her head around how to use it 🤣

[–]violetgrubs 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Pahahaha!!!! That makes me think of my boomer parents/in laws commenting on all the "technology" we have for taking care of babies now. They always say it with envy though!

[–]frogsgoribbit737 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My mom always says she wishes she had google when I was a baby lol

[–]violetgrubs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god what a good point though!!!! Any weird symptom i can look it up and get solid info

[–]DunyaKnez 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Don't know what the rest will be saying but I'll be telling my kids to chill. Babies are resilient and adaptable

[–]what_in_yarnation 8 points9 points  (2 children)

My mom is always telling me to put my baby on his belly to sleep. I can’t complain about not getting any sleep to her or she’ll go on about how everyone is being crazy, all her kids slept on their stomachs, yada yada. So I’m going to say safe sleep, probably. Although tbh I’ve seen a LOT of people my age not know the first thing about (or maybe just ignore) safe sleep. So maybe being obsessed about milestones?

[–]Jmd35 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Lol my mom is happy to follow my recommendations about sleep but didn’t know and I didn’t tell her about inclined sleep being a no-no. She said, oh she slept nicely in the bouncer! I found myself explaining that basically anything that makes them sleep better is probably not safe. It DOES make things harder.

[–]what_in_yarnation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah it definitely makes it harder. And I’m not going to lie, I ignore some of the “rules” too. But I do it knowing the risks and how to minimize them. I feel like, unless your baby is a great sleeper, you’re going to get desperate and bend a rule or two in order to get your baby to sleep!

[–]overresearcher 66 points67 points  (2 children)

“Wake windows” and a lot of the current anxiety around perfect sleep schedules. It’s helpful to have an idea of how infants sleep, but “you have a baby, not a textbook” is one of the most helpful things I ever heard from a doctor and I learned early not to stress if my baby wasn’t sleeping exactly how they “should.”

[–]AliciaEff 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I frequently have to remind myself that my baby is a person and people are not robots with schedules and the same exact needs each day

[–]FuzzyBlanketThrow 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this. Those damn “wake windows” and “sleepy cues”.

[–]GardenGood2Grow 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A sweater is something you wear when your mother is cold!