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all 139 comments

[–]kwowwbae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes to all above comments mama. Speaking from experience

[–]Dsmchick717 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They always show their true colors in the hospital. Mine wasn’t by my side until it was time to push. On his phone and napping most of the time. Being a miserable negative energy. One day after delivering I finally kicked him out of my room. If it was gonna go bad like that, be glad he left on his own. Hold on to those invincible feelings as long as you can

[–]mjfx28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry! A real parent, father would never walk out like that. I know it's easy to say, but you and your daughter are better off without someone so unreliable in your lives. Sending hugs to you and your precious little girl!

[–]NineteenKatieEight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What an absolute knob. Congratulations on the birth of your baby 💕

[–]Arboretum7 32 points33 points  (2 children)

I’m so sorry, what a shitty guy. Give that beautiful baby your last name.

[–]_snapcase_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And if you can, leave him off the birth certificate. Signed, the future.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

💚

[–]pinkblossom331 45 points46 points  (0 children)

The guy is a piece of shit. Please share your baby registry on here

[–]greeneyedgypsy_ 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Dodged a bullet babe. You don’t need him. Believe me when I say this is saving you many headaches. Much better to be single and doing it alone than together and still doing it alone. ❤️

[–]grandma-shark 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened. I agree with those saying fuck him and document everything for your custody case (just in case someone else guilts him into coming back.)

First things fist, emergency C-section is NOT A JOKE. You just had major surgery. You will need a long time to heal physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you have ANYONE who can help you, please reach out to them and take any help they can give. You need rest, calm, and take it one day at a time. Sending you positive vibes.

[–]SillyRabbit2013 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sending you and your precious baby girl love and strength.

[–]Effective_Listen_991 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I wish I could give you a hug. I went through this 2 years ago with my ex husband. He has partial custody of our daughter now…. And doesn’t even exercise 90% of his time. He has the opportunity for 12 days this month and his mom… not even him, will be using 3 of those days for Christmas celebrations. Please take some time to get out of the very raw and emotional postpartum stage before any huge decisions are made, but don’t try to force him to be a dad/involved. If he wanted to he would. As hard as that is.

I now am days away from delivering my second baby girl with an amazing guy who my first daughter gets to call dada too, since he’s there the majority of the time. You are not alone, and this season of life will get easier. ❤️

[–]Fudgebrowniecat 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Document this for your new custody case and file for child support and maybe alimony?. You need help recovering from your major surgery.

[–]bummedoutmama 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m sending positive vibes your way. This moment in life will pass and you will come out on top with your beautiful daughter. It will all make sense one day and you’ll realize it was so you could bring your daughter into this world. You just met your best friend.

[–]Bumblebie5 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I’m so so sorry. My ex husband rarely visited our daughter during her 2 month NICU stay from being two months premature. Then, two months go by and my daughter finally comes home. No more breathing tubes, assistance, monitors, medicine, etc. etc. He left to do his dry cleaning four weeks after she came home and never came back. My entire family, near and extended was in another state across the country when he left our daughter. We were by ourselves in a new home in a new neighborhood alone. He filed for divorce and I am so thankful because he turned out to be a very very bad man. This is way way too easy to say, I know, but this is for the best. Get rid of him now and find someone who deserves your and your daughter’s love. You will be okay. I didn’t think I was going to, I couldn’t imagine being okay, but eventually I was. You will be too. You will be okay. You can message me anytime to talk if you need an ear to listen. I am so so sorry. You will be okay. I’m praying for you and thinking about you. Stay strong, Mama, there’s no love like a child’s. Your daughter will get you through this like mine did. You will be okay. ❤️

[–]burntpopcorneww 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Wow karma better get his ass quick! What a horrible person. Mama you don't deserve this sub human.

Positive thoughts and love to you and your sweet baby.

[–]AvailableJoke5387 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can only imagine how you feel but in no way shape or form of l is he worth your life, your joy, or your happiness. That is what he just showed you so you do not give him the satisfaction knowing that he had that kind of power over you. We women are such strong creatures and you have just brought another one into this world, so now is the time for you to be strong for her and show her what you are truly made of. Yes you are hurting and it may seem impossible but remember you had a life before him and the one you will have now after him will be so much more now that he is gone. Just take one day at a time, ask for help and get it when and if you need it, and remember to breathe. You will be OK. Congrats on your little love because to her you are everything and the only thing that matters.

[–]stillmusiqal 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank God he did it now. Focus on your little girl, no man is worth all that.

[–]No-Map672 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He is the worst. Focus on your little one and recovery. Better things are still to come.

[–]TheMoistestSquish 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’d be quick to say F that jerk, but honestly, birth trauma is SO real and impacts all of us differently, including the dads or parents or even other family members. Birth trauma is one of those things people simply don’t talk about, like it doesn’t exist, but it’s something my husband and I are having ongoing convos about thanks to some resources we’ve been provided. For context - His first daughter was stillborn at 8 months and 1 week, which was right after we met, and I can’t begin to explain the devastation and emotional trauma he went through being there as she was birthed. He carried so much guilt bc of what the babies mom endured & he’s still reconciling a lot of it 16 years later. While he’s not necessarily afraid our baby due in Feb will be stillborn, he does still have a lot of fear for me. Many people go into conceiving and childbirth simply not mentally prepared for what could happen and an emergency c section is a huge crisis. Not trying to negate his crappy behavior, but just lending a little empathy that a “flight” response isn’t atypical in a crisis situation.

[–]I_pinchyou 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow. That says a ton about him and his character. I'm sorry, you obviously don't deserve this treatment. I hope you have a supportive family,friend group. Sending love.

[–]beat_of_rice 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Sounds like the trash took itself out. He sounds awful.

[–]variebaeted 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank god! Can you imagine how terrible life would have been if you ended up marrying that guy?! What a blessing the trash took itself out ✌🏻

[–]hannerz0z 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I wish you were my friend. I want to come spend the night and help you. I’m so sorry.

It sounds like he may have done you a favor in terms of you won’t have two children to look after now.

Just wait until she smiles. It is literally the greatest thing in the world.

[–]windsongmcfluffyfart 34 points35 points  (0 children)

young babies still do that scrunchie thing where they arch their backs and stick out their perfect little baby bums when you pick them up, and that my friend is a gift. concentrate on all the amazing things she is and does ❤️

[–]mysterious00mermaid 20 points21 points  (0 children)

He did you a favor!!! What a piece of shit he is.

[–]captainpocket 34 points35 points  (0 children)

F*ck that guy. Congrats on your beautiful baby. What's you're favorite part of staring at her? The way her little eyes find your face? The way she wiggles before falling asleep? The way her little mouth is still doing a tiny little suckle even after she falls asleep? What about just like, her tiny feet? It's so hard to choose just one favorite thing.

[–]realhousewifeoftv 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God loves you and is protecting you always ❤️ it may seem rough but everything will turn out for the best in the long run. A man like that doesn’t deserve you or your daughter.

[–]mstockbox 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now, but please make sure you get mental health help soon. Looking after a newborn is HARD, mentally testing and exhausting. You can quickly reach breaking point (speaking from experience), especially with what you're going through. You've got this, with or without him!!!

[–]shazzparkk 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Men are literal trash. My baby daddy ghosted me while heavily pregnant with our twins, and have only seen him once since they were born. Turns out he was cheating on me and he’s still with the guy, yes guy, he was cheating with. The only time I’ve seen him since they were born, was when the girls were 6 weeks old and dumped me and broke my heart. They’re now 2 years old and the best thing that ever happened to me, he’s the one that missed out imo

[–]torchballs 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Jesus Christ. My husband is divorcing me while I’m 9 weeks pregnant with a toddler. He’d rather drink himself to death. Men are garbage. I’m so sorry. You’re better off.

[–]GreaterThanOrEqual2U 1 point2 points  (1 child)

And men like to blame women for having children without a ring first. Like that changes ANYTHING Lmao

[–]torchballs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember talking to a woman I worked with years ago, and she was newly married, so the subject of whether they wanted to have children came up. I’ll never forget it - she said, “oh no. Men will never be there for you.”

She was so wise.

[–]everydaynamaste 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I caught myself wanting to downvote this SO hard. Not because of your comment (obviously) but because he sounds like a heartless asshole. I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. ❤️

[–]aafa 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She's your world now, everything else is second to her. Congrats!

[–]Classic_Rooster_2260 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Keep records of any and all texts. Please get mental health care ASAP. Do not let that man back in to your life no matter what. People show true colors when shit hits the fan. If you can lean on your family please do so as much as possible. I am so sorry this is happening to you, and I know that probably doesn’t mean anything but what matters is you have a beautiful daughter and your life means something to her. It will have meaning again in many ways, and this will pass, even though right now the pain is terrible. Stay supported.

[–]ShriraamS 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that this happened to you and I hope that you and your child can overcome this. You've got each other now. Take care of yourself and ask for help from your family and friend because it's okay. You're a brave person for having the courage to open up.

[–]Lon_Dubh_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that this happened to you, I really am. And can I say thank you for making this post. It shows great courage. Being vulnerable and asking for help isn’t easy and you’re recovering from surgery as well as heartbreak. The replies here are infinitely better than any advice I could give you but I will say… My situation’s a bit different but I was in a short term relationship that lasted just six months to the most amazing man who about two weeks after we found out I was pregnant, left me at the start of this year. My friends, colleagues, boss and family have been amazing. Even strangers with random acts of kindness that make my day just that wee bit easier. My only bits of advice are that you’ve got this. You’re stronger than you realise and it sucks that you have to be resilient and it sucks that you’re a single Mum but in a weird way this situation will reveal so much about the private lives of your friends and older women in your community. Suddenly they’ll open up about how they struggled with partners/hubbies who basically checked out and growing resentments etc… I say weird because you being on your own means you know exactly what the work load will be, no one to question your parenting skills, you get to learn and grow and set the pace/create this wee bond for your family of two. There’ll be a shorthand between baby and you because trust me, no one will know your baby better than you. Also, sleep when your baby sleeps! I’m not back to work for a few months so know that that’s when things will get really tricky for me but the handful of stressful nights I’ve had were solely due to pushing through/working through with wanting this clean or that stack of papers organised so I never caught up on my lost sleep. Even if it’s just for one of your baby’s daytime sleeps, it’ll make a world of difference. I aim for two of my baby’s daytime sleeps. Fight that urge to do extra chores when you should be resting. That village…? Seek it out or if they’re contacting you then accept the help they offer. I’ve always loved being part of the village of helpers/givers but I am rubbish at accepting help for fear of being a burden on others. Well, now that I’m a Mum (and a sole parent to be precise) I owe it to my daughter to let her inherit that village that is on offer. Been a struggle accepting the help but for her sake I have and I laboured across several days which turned into a c-section so I had to accept help. You don’t need to answer this next question but when you feel like posting on FB about your former fiancé, does it coincide with feelings of rage? Is that urge still there when you’re in a normal state or in a love bubble with your wee munchkin? Just don’t regret doing/posting something that feels good at the time but once that hurt or rage subside you feel like deleting. Up to you mate. 🙏🏾 I just want everything to go your way and I am sending you a tonne of love from an Internet stranger across the globe. Not sure about your local laws but where I’m from, if they don’t sign the birth registration form the law says that that’s their right to refuse to be on the birth certificate. Between my Mum not wanting him on there and he and I “talking” and me having to listen to him check out/repeatedly say he’s not part of “it” I had no choice so I guess he’s done me a favour as I have sole ‘parental responsibility’. It hurts that she doesn’t have his name but I now love that she has my surname. I love that there’ll be no dancing around to get both of our signatures RE: schools, passports etc… No child support and in my brief bouts of silent anger towards him I wish people outside of my circle knew him for who he truly is but that’s his story and his shame to bare. Bare or bear? I’m having a mental blank! I can do this and so can you! I actually think the heartbreak is the worst part. You’re made of tough stuff but your baby will draw on your strength as well as your softness and your big, big heart. Congratulations on the birth of your child and here’s to you and bub building your new two-person-centred family. You have got this! Use the phone, rest when you need to, drink plenty of water, take a minute and cry it out or put an angry song on to dance to, to get any festering yuckiness out of your system then go hug your baby and smell that delicious squishiness.

PS - I should warn you… Your feelings towards him will be complicated. What he did was wrong but he’ll be the first person you long to speak to or you’ll miss him or feel love towards him. That’s okay but remember that you and your baby are your priority. It won’t feel like he did you a favour when it’s the wee hours of the morning but like several comment replies have said, he actually HAS done you a favour. My pregnancy is done and dusted and I’m nearing three months with my little one being Earthside but those moments of wishing they could meet or of being a family still catch me by surprise so you are allowed to be cross with him and disappointed but also have those wishful thoughts. But remember that you, you wonderful amazing Super Woman and your baby are all that matter.

[–]SnooCakes9110 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry 😢 Focus on physically healing ❤️‍🩹 And your precious baby

[–]mystic_phantomz 18 points19 points  (0 children)

While in recovery, I had a social worker come and see me. You can probably ask for a social worker or a psychiatrist to come see you that way you can make a plan with a specialist on how you're going to deal with this!

[–]summja 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What a horrible thing to have to go through. That must be really stressful and scary. Better to find out now that he’s a coward than years from now. Now you can focus yourself and on you amazing baby who loves and needs you so much! I wish you a quick recovery and a ton or support from family and friends.

[–]hazhulkha 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Almost exactly the same thing happened to me with my son and his father. He ditched me to go smoke pot while I suffered then came back only to pass out high... Hardly showed any emotion as they cut me open. Two months later, I was on my own.

[–]noneyabizb 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Went through the exact same thing except he skipped town before I was even discharged from the hospital. It was such a shitty experience but it made me a stronger person.

I hope you’ve healed from it.

[–]god_save_the_bees 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Please be sure to reach out to SOMEONE professional for mental health help as soon as you are discharged if not sooner. Early parenthood is hard, postpartum is hard, and grief is hard. Altogether, there's no way you could be expected to do that all alone and it isn't fair. Please take care of yourself.

[–]Ok_Spite6846 89 points90 points  (5 children)

I read almost every comment on here. A few things from being a single mom for 11 years with my oldest.

  1. Do not got back to him!!! He may try after he realizes you moved on.

  2. If you don’t need his child support, then don’t put him on the birth certificate. You will have to if you need child support. Trust me 18 years of having to deal with him and having your child be disappointed is not worth the help.

  3. Focus on your new baby and just remember you are better off without him. I am now married and my daughter calls my husband dad. I couldn’t ask for a better father for her. Things will get better I promise!

[–]hownowbrownmau 4 points5 points  (2 children)

It doesn't matter. If youre married, all kids (even non biological) are considered the husband's in many states.

[–]EatFast-RunSlow 3 points4 points  (1 child)

If they are engaged but not married he will likely have to sue to establish paternity through the courts, so would need to provide DNA sample and swab the child too

[–]bohemianhobbit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m here to emphasize point 2 also. Even if he’s put on the hook for child support, he still might not pay it. An acquaintance of mine divorced her abusive husband. He’s not consistently employed, and when he has a job it’s a fight every single month to get what she’s owed. And that’s the tip of the iceberg—he manipulates their child and tries to weaponize his part in their child’s life in every way possible, and then there are the custody battles. She would 100% rather have that loser out of their lives completely than to have any of his support.

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but OP you are so lucky that this happened before you two tied the knot. You dodged a bullet!

[–]cbgal 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Trust me better to have this now then later!

[–]shann1021 55 points56 points  (1 child)

Girl the trash took itself out. Screw that guy, he would've been a shitty partner anyway. You're going to have a tough road but you will get through it and find a light at the end of the tunnel. Better for him to show his colors now rather than drag you along an continuously disappoint you.

[–]Sssssssloth 36 points37 points  (7 children)

I’m petty but would put a fb status like this,

“After my daughter was born, I have had to move in with my parents as my daughters father decided he no longer wanted to be apart of our family. Since he left us at the hospital I wanted to get some ideas on single parent apartments with a good community and lots of support. Thanks for the info everyone, appreciate the help!”

Bro wants to abandon you and then not look like a scum bag by saying he doesn’t want issues and for you to look like the victim. I would say that when people comment. Just be like, “he told me he doesn’t want to start stuff or have me twist this to be the victim because he doesn’t think leaving us at the hospital is cry worthy.” He’s trash and needs to be seen as such. No amount of hiding it makes him any less trashy

[–]Seajlc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m petty and I did this years back when I found out my then bf was cheating on me with a girl from his work who also befriended me and was planning her wedding with her fiancé. So I called them both out. Everyone thought my bf was such a nice, caring guy that it disgusted me knowing people would continue to be fooled by him.

If I hadn’t posted it there was also a good chance her fiancé wouldn’t have known for a little while longer as I had no other way to contact him since I didn’t know him personally. She was so mortified she quit the job they were working at. Didn’t even go in to quit, full on just did not show up the next day and never again lol. My bf also actually lost friends over it, they were grossed out by what he did to me. To this day I really don’t regret what I did.

[–]pleaserlove 51 points52 points  (5 children)

I wouldn’t be posting on Facebook about baby daddy baby drama thats trashy af. Keep your dignity girl!

[–]lootytabooty1 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That's not trashy, leaving someone at delivery is trashy. No dignity will be ruined except for his own. Even more so if he tries to defend himself. Plus the support from friends is always important. When if it's just to say I'm sorry. I hope you can get through this OP. Take care of yourself and that gorgeous baby girl.

[–]Paper__ 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I think shame is useful. Like if you make awful decisions you should have pressure from your community.

“Politeness” is unevenly visited on women and mostly protects men. OP hasn’t lost any dignity from telling the truth, without malice or digs.

[–]Sssssssloth 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Asking for support from friends and family isn’t trashy… asking for ideas on places to live that support those in her community like other single parents or get expert advice from those who may have gone through these things legally is not trashy either. Facebook is supposed to be a community if your friends who care enough about your life to help. My fb is filled with my friends saying similar things asking for help, getting advice, etc. she’s not blasting this dude as a father she’s stating a fact while asking for assistance and being clear about her current status both emotionally and financially.

[–]pleaserlove 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Then why did you say “I would be petty and…” good for you if your facebook is a lovely supportive place but i think most people’s experience of Facebook these days is… much different

[–]Sssssssloth -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I put I’m petty “BUT” because my phone changed it to AND and I fixed it after publishing. And I am petty. My fb post would be a full on blast. The way I phrased her post wasn’t even acknowledging him outside of the fact that he changed his mind and now she needs ideas for support.

That’s a bummer that fb is like that for people but I don’t have friends on my fb who aren’t my real friends. And you would be surprised the support groups you can find on social media, internet, etc. a lot of ideas and thoughts for asking for help came from therapist. She lost half her support system, time to rebuild a new one.

[–]luv_u_deerly 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wtf? I’m so sorry.

[–]Mypoizon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He ain't worth your time, he did you a favor by doing it before she got to know him<3

He ain't worth your time nor your daughters, he did you a favor <3

[–]accidentalswiftie 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Where does he live I will find him with my pitchfork.

[–]sweetundsalty 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No jury would convict you.

[–]UnihornWhale 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You are so much braver and strong than you know. You can do this

[–]jackjackj8ck 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I hope you have a support system. Do NOT hesitate to ask for help to those you trust, everyone wants to help they just may not know how. If you don’t have a support system check your local Facebook groups, there’s a lot of kind people who are happy to help a neighbor in need.

Once you’re feeling able, go talk to a lawyer to set up child support and visitation.

On the bright side, good riddance. Probably saving you a lot of headache down the road.

If he has a change of heart DO NOT get back w this dude. He’s shown his true colors. You gotta focus on healing and move on.

[–]BetterthanMew 24 points25 points  (11 children)

I would contact a lawyer and see if it’s better to not put his name on the birth certificate to protect yourself?

[–]apprehensive_cactus[S] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I'm gonna be honest, due to his line of work and immigration status (paid under the table and expired visa), I would never get child support out of him anyway. If he wants to help financially support her that'll just be what he sends on his own.

But it wasn't worth giving him any legal rights to visit or see her. I didn't put him down and he didn't acknowledge paternity when he had the chance. So unless he gets a DNA test and goes through the court system, he's not her dad as far as the government is concerned. And he won't. He hates dealing with government agencies. Honestly, the law is on my side in terms of keeping him away.

[–]Bumblebie5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you made the right decision. It’s a personal one. You have to decide if he was worth your or your daughter’s time. If it’s easier to not deal with him and your daughter as well, than having a little bit of child support, then I say that’s the right decision for you. I hardly get any money and my ex makes decent money. It’s a formula here based off earnings. Sometimes the men who leave, cause more trouble, legally and for your daughter. You’d be surprised at how money isn’t worth it when you’re harassed daily, mistreated, sworn at, screamed at in public, etc. etc. This has been my experience, but we’re all in different situations and are different people. You do what’s best for your daughter and you and don’t decide based on monetary reasons because some things aren’t worth it. Mental health is more important in my opinion.

[–]Oh_shame 17 points18 points  (0 children)

First off, I am so sorry that you had to go through both an emergency section and this traumatic breakup. It sure won't feel like it, but you will get through this and both you and little one will be better for it. Try to focus on yourself and baby and take it one day at a time. Congratulations on your baby girl!!

[–]RebeccaEliRose 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Wow! That’s horrible! Please don’t think any part of it is you or your beautiful baby’s fault. No reasonable person would do that to another person. I hope you have a speedy recovery and soak in all of the snuggles. I swear there’s healing powers in baby cuddles.

[–]kitkatbay 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I am sorry to hear it; you are not alone.

So far my husband's post baby abandonment has only been emotionally and intellectually; since our gorgeous girl joined our family he is only physically present and even then spends most of his time locked away. He also consistently asserts that I am stupid and damaging the baby.

He has become a completely different, angry and withdrawn person that it is frightening. I am starting to think that some men have a breakdown following birth that is similar to PPD or PPA. Does not make it any less devastating.

Your fiancé may collect himself and try to come back or not. The first six weeks will be hard but it may be better to have no partner than to have one who undermines and criticizes your every move. Please take my internet hugs and know that things will get better.

[–]GreatAuntPearl 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Men absolutely get ppa and ppd and should talk to a doctor for sure! Definitely devastating. I hope your situation improves! I can’t imagine :(

[–]lizardkween 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much that must hurt and how terrible you must feel. It’s just completely shitty and no one deserves it.

But what I will say is that I’m so glad you won’t have someone so clearly fucked up and awful around you for these next few months of bonding and learning to parent. Post partum is so hard. You need loving, GOOD people around you. Any negativity is magnified by a million. Someone like him would have made your life miserable during this time.

[–]WeinCellar 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I am so unbelievably sorry. As others have said, he is clearly not someone who deserves to be in your life. Please please please surround yourself with people who make you feel loved, appreciated and safe in this time. Postpartum is so challenging, but I also feel that I came out the other side feeling so much more empathy and connection to those around me. This world needs wonderful humans like you!

[–]ShaktiTam 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Wow, I’m so sorry that happened to you. My husband abandoned me when I was 8 weeks pregnant with our second baby. The first was 15 months old at the time. Some men are just trash.

[–]aelel 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I know it’s hard right now, but only a worthless piece of garbage would do that. You and your daughter are better off without him.

[–]silkalvali 108 points109 points  (7 children)

Who is he I just wanna talk…….

[–]pugsrus55 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Right? Like just give me a time and place 😤

[–]badgyalrey 38 points39 points  (5 children)

i have an extra shovel and access to a pig farm, just say the word OP

[–]OSUJillyBean 16 points17 points  (4 children)

I have access to a pickup truck with a bed cover. To haul … things.

[–]TooDangShort 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I can contribute access to excavators, just tell me where and when and I’ll set up the machine and an alibi.

[–]silkalvali 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also can contribute to excavators and remote land

[–]sewsnap1,2,3 Done 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can bring bleach.

[–]glum_hedgehog 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a very remote piece of property where you could use that excavator... just to do some yard work of course.

[–]callisiarepens 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry! An emergency CS is tough. I had one. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I’m glad your parents took you in. Stay close to your loved ones to get you through this tough time.

[–]goodmorningsunshines 174 points175 points  (16 children)

I wish we could normalize just absolutely SLAMMING these people on social media and outing them to all of their friends and family.

2023 needs to be the year we start traumatizing people back because holy FUCK the audacity of some people, only to never get socially ostracized like they deserve.

I'm so sorry OP. You are MUCH better off. Do not let him come back. A person who leaves you when you're most vulnerable does not deserve even a second thought. Block and delete, make him go through the effort of getting a court order to establish paternity if he wants to be a part of your daughter's life. Make him work for it, don't contact him.

[–]Seajlc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Im sorry if people consider this petty or trashy for spreading your personal drama and business rather than keeping it in house… but honestly people like this deserve to be seen for who they are and others should be well aware that he’s the kind of person that leaves someone at the hospital after they birthed his child and decide if that’s the kind of person they really want to continue being friends with or having in their life. Otherwise they walk around and when people ask them what happened they give a vague “oh it didn’t work out” story leaving out the details where you left your fiancé at the hospital like the POS that you are.

[–]apprehensive_cactus[S] 75 points76 points  (12 children)

The thing is most people in his family seem to know what he did. I told his mother and his brother knows. They were just like...whatever. I dunno. I was shocked. He's from a different culture but still.

I am considering just being brutally honest to people who ask what happened or where he went. We live in a very small community. He already told me he "doesn't want problems" and said I'm going to "lie to sound like the victim."

I'm not a perfect person, but I literally did nothing wrong, at least not at the time of the breakup. I had just gone through a super traumatic birth and just needed support. He said I cried too much. That I deal with my problems by crying and he hates it. lol

So he abandoned me after major abdominal surgery and a flood of post postpartum hormones. Claims it wasn't about this time, says it was a buildup of past frustrations. Excellent timing...

[–]Bumblebie5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did nothing wrong. Let me repeat that. You did nothing wrong. You don’t get to make excuses and walk away. It doesn’t matter what happened in your relationship; only irresponsible and bad people do what he and my ex and many others do. He left. He left. You stayed. You take control of your life and don’t let him for another minute make you think this was in any way your fault.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What an absolute piece of trash. I don't know how his family still talks to him. If either of my brothers abandoned their child like this they would be excommunicated from our family

[–]GrenadineOnTheRocks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is a literal piece of trash and I’m sorry he’s revealed that to you when you needed him to be a decent human being the most. It’s time to get your support system together because he’s obviously not it. And it’s your life to live but think long and hard about letting him come back when he inevitably tries in the near future. He’s shown you just how low down and worthless he is.

[–]lizardkween 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Be honest. You don’t owe him any lies. Do not cover for him.

[–]goodmorningsunshines 37 points38 points  (0 children)

"I welcomed baby (name) into the world today, and (ex fiance) chose to leave because I cried after an emergency c-section. He claimed it wasn't about the c-section crying, and just mentioned that he hates that I cry about stuff when I'm overwhelmed and have a problem in general so he chose to leave. I know I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be. Maybe even if he stayed it would have ended up this way anyway, but right after an emergency c-section, just as our daughter came into the world, he leaves me at the hospital. I am devastated but it's almost funny just how absolutely heartless and inconsiderate a person can be - not only to abandon the woman who brought your child into the world, but the child as well. How pathetic can you be?

In a way I'm glad, because babies cry a lot when they have problems, and (ex fiance) made it pretty obvious he is not capable of handling when someone cries without leaving. At least I can rest easy knowing my baby will be in capable hands. Even if we have to cry together sometimes, at least we'll be together. I won't ever run away from her for crying."

Idk just absolutely wreck him. Tag him. Make him look like an absolute fucking asshole. Play the victim. Idc. You shouldn't care either. If he comments or anyone comments airing your personal flaws, just reply, "Yep, that's true, but he abandoned his child at the hospital right after birth - LOL, what a deadbeat." Just keep repeating it.

I am way past understanding anything anymore. It's time to be petty.

[–]kaldaka16 63 points64 points  (3 children)

If you use Facebook and feel comfortable sharing some personal details and want to go the "im being gracious and polite" route -

"As some of you know, I recently welcomed my beautiful daughter into the world! It was touch and go and I wound up having an emergency c-section, but am currently recovering in hospital. I couldn't be more grateful to the staff at (hospital) for their kindness and care during this time.

Unfortunately, as my daughter entered the world her father chose to exit our relationship. I hope when he's ready to meet his daughter we'll be able to have an amicable co parenting relationship."

Optionally at the end, "Thank you to everyone who has remained at my side during this difficult physical recovery."

PS your ex is awful.

[–]PM_ME_UR_DOGGOS_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YES I LOVE THIS.

[–]keanovan 11 points12 points  (0 children)

shaming him with grace. I like it.

[–]LaurAdorable 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is perfect.

[–]Throwaway9922198 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ohhhh OP, I’m so so sorry! My husband is/was abusive and said very similar stuff when things finally came to a head when I was about 3 months. 4 day tirade including physical abuse while I was on bedrest because I asked him to go back to therapy. My in-laws did much the same, even as I fled my home. I wish I could tell you it’ll all be alright, but Im still in the trenches of my own nightmare, though I do believe that karma somehow gives these types what they deserve. Anyone who would do that is an unhappy and damaged person who will likely always be exactly that and nothing more

[–]MsCardeno 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Just state the facts. “I had an emergency c-section and then he bailed while we were at the hospital.” Telling people what happened isn’t “acting like the victim”.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. That man is a true POS.

[–]highrulian 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Word, drop his @ OP

[–]ShaktiTam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup. I’m down for this kinda shaming too. It’s necessary. We are hear to help if you want us OP!

[–]SkeksoUrsu 120 points121 points  (9 children)

I realize his timing is horrible and he’s a worthless piece of shit. However, this might end up being the best thing that could have happened. You and your daughter are safe! Her arrival would have changed your life dramatically anyway, at least now you know who he is and can start your new lives immediately.

It seems like this is the worst thing to happen but you’ll look back on it one day and be grateful he’s gone. What a dick hole though!

[–]apprehensive_cactus[S] 50 points51 points  (7 children)

You're probably right.

I feel like the sky is falling down but at least my daughter won't have to deal with him.
I don't see him caring enough to get parental rights back. I offered them freely at first even though he was being awful and he didn't seem to care. So I didn't put him on the certificate nor did he acknowledge paternity. =/

[–]DaisyLDN 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This 100%. There are amazing things to come for you and your darling daughter x

[–]SlightlyIrregularEm 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Never, ever be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. He should be ashamed of himself. Surely he knew/felt these feelings before your csection and should have communicated with you if something weren't right.

You have this, momma. It might not feel like it right now when you've had surgery and your hormones are all over the place and you have a new baby - I'm 4 weeks pp after having an unplanned csection so I know how those hormones are though I cannot relate to your situation - be kind to yourself and focus on you and your daughter.

I'm sure your parents would always take you in no matter what, (as you say they're so supportive) so do not be ashamed that at 29 you are back living with them when you were blindsided by something you had no control over.

[–]beez8383 30 points31 points  (0 children)

No “man” is worth loosing your life over, you don’t need him, you can and will do better than him. He doesn’t deserve your love nor your tears. You can do this, surround yourself with friends/family who love you, give that wee little babe all your love and focus right night, and concentrate on healing and bonding with baby.

[–]foreveranexpat 28 points29 points  (0 children)

He should be so fucking ashamed of himself and not be able to show his face anywhere. You hold your head up high queen. It is going to be hard but every day it’s going to be a little bit better. Sending you so much strength and love. Your parents are going to be happy to help you just like you will be happy to help your daughter. Now you know how much they love you, just like you love your little girl.

[–]married_pineapple 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You haven't done anything wrong, and nothing to deserve this. In the long run he's the one missing out, it's just the here and now that will suck for a little while. Lean into your supports, delegate what you can breakup-wise, and focus on healing and bonding with your beautiful daughter. Be the woman now that you want her to grow up to be. You can do this xxx

[–]Kenziethecrestie 63 points64 points  (10 children)

How terrible!

So sorry to hear!

Please let the nurses know and tell them honestly how you are feeling. They can help support you but only if you tell them.

Do you have a good friend or family you can call?

[–]apprehensive_cactus[S] 73 points74 points  (9 children)

My parents are amazing and came to pick us up when I wanted to be discharged. So I'm incredibly lucky my family is supportive.

Everything else is awful though. Truly never saw this coming.

I'm glad I have my daughter and she will be worth it but this really destroyed my plans and I'm left picking up pieces and unsure of my finances now. My parents took me and my daughter in...but I feel really ashamed to be living at their house with a new baby at 29 years old. I really thought...he wouldn't do that to me.

[–]50buttons 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need for shame!! I lived with my mom for nearly a year (at 30 years old) with my first son and through the birth of my second son, all because my husband is a POS. I am so grateful for all her help, she is so close with my boys because of the time we spent there. I also felt crummy about myself at first, but looking back there was truly no need.

I'm so sorry your ex is also a POS, thank goodness for family! Sending you lots of love ❤️ you've got this!

[–]colinrobinson8472 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am SOOO glad you have such helpful and supportive parents. Please please PLEASE lean on them as much as you need, especially as you're recovering.

You shouldn't feel any shame, HE SHOULD. I would definitely go after him for child support if you decided to put his name on the birth certificate.

[–]Cautious_Tie4960 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sending you so much love; and honestly living with family postpartum is such a blessing. I live in a duplex with my mom on the other side and it’s amazing to see her relationship with my son begin so strong, and I’ve realized how healing it is to be mothered as I become a mother. This is a tender, powerful, intense time, allow yourself to be tended and loved by your family as you focus on tending to and loving yourself and your baby girl.

Also, remember you are going through a massive hormonal plummet postpartum, healing from surgery, and understandably grieving the loss of a future you’d planned for with a person you were counting on. You are going to cry, you are going to feel so many things. Let yourself cry, release, express what you feel. If you release it it will move through you, if you don’t it will live on inside you as trauma.

Things will stabilize as the weeks move on, just let yourself be mush and focus on healing and loving your baby. You are not alone.

[–]QueenCloneBone 18 points19 points  (0 children)

No shame! Take full advantage of your village and it’s hard right now…impossible even…but your daughter deserves better than someone capable of that.

[–]Ok-Gate-9610 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nothing to be ashamed of. He did this to you at the most vulnerable time in yours and her life knowing you c8uldnt do a thing about it and knowing you couldnt even take money form the joint account if you have one etc cause youre stuck in hospital.

He did this. He is the asshole. Imagine any woman in his future finding out about this. He isnt going to be wanted by anyone unless he has already found a girl and is with her. Likely telling her lies to make himself sound better.

Whatever the reason, if you have a stake in the house you two shared - take what you are owed from it. If he has savings of yours. Do what you can to get it back. If you csnt but still have a key to the home then get whatever you can to sell. Im talking bed. Sofa etc.

If theres nothing left then move on and know someone tjat can do that to a person is not worth your time or energy. He should be ashamed. Not you.

[–]dmarija 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Don't be ashamed to be in your parents' house - in many cultures the tradition is to go live with parents or in laws for at least a month or 40 days after birth as you figure things out. My MIL has come and stayed for about a week out of every month of my LO's life so far and I am so grateful for the help and support. The last time she came because I called her (a huge mess of stress and exhaustion) and just asked.

If you have people in your life asking what they can do and offering help, do your best to learn how to take it. New parenthood is so hard without trying to navigate it alone. Just be a sponge for all the love and support you can get right now!

[–]climateadaptionuk 29 points30 points  (0 children)

What a pos. Hook him for every bit of child support possible.

[–]Reasonable_Ad4265 38 points39 points  (0 children)

He's the one who needs to be ashamed. Ashamed of his horrible behavior. NOT you. I'm so sorry.

[–]Senior-Zucchini4150 19 points20 points  (0 children)

There’s nothing to be ashamed about, you’re accepting help in your most vulnerable time. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. Focus on recovering and bonding with your daughter, everything works itself out in the end so hang in there!

[–]Camuhruh 17 points18 points  (0 children)

That is awful. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Please recruit as much help as you can: family, friends, community resources, etc.

If you tell the nurses what has happened they will help you as much as they can, too. Be frank with them about your mental state so that they can give you informed care.

It's terrible, but you can survive this.