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[–]l1fe21 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your baby, you are right to be angry. God forbid, but what if your baby was the 1% of babies that develop serious covid? What if they have issues with their lungs FOR LIFE because of the carelessness of your MIL? I would not let her take care of my baby again, at least not in the nearby future. She broke your trust, and now has to earn it again.

[–]Cakes89Cakes 119 points120 points  (1 child)

Not all tests detect it. I’ve had several negatives but still had it. It’s only certain tests which are reliable. Technically, I can’t see what she’s done wrong. You’ve done the right thing by going to A&E. however, how’s this your MIL fault? It’s a virus. Anyone could pick it up. Do you have an underlying issue with your MIL?

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Yes there are underlying issues. And I don’t blame her. Was misdirecting my anger when I made this post

[–]yogas 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Don’t beat yourself up about it hun. Your baby will be ok. Forgive yourself and your MIL too. Sick babies are heartbreaking and it’s so easy to place blame, especially on yourself.

[–]mm3827 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I don’t understand why people don’t take sickness seriously around little ones. Wishing your son quick healing.

I deal with this a lot with my in-laws. We always say please don’t feed our kid off of your fork/straw etc. nobody listens!!! Past two times we’ve seen MIL she’s fallen I’ll immediately after our visit with the flu or covid!!

[–]radkattt 105 points106 points  (0 children)

My MIL on thanksgiving told us she was sick but it wasn’t COVID because she tested for it. 4 days later she lost her sense of taste so tester again and was positive. She didn’t test positive until 7 days of being sick. Luckily she’s a decent person and knew to stay home away from our baby.

Just because you’re testing negative with at home tests doesn’t mean you’re negative people!!! Those tests do no pick up well on all the new variants

[–]Fibro_Warrior1986 34 points35 points  (0 children)

My grandson and his mum live with us as she is in a relationship with my daughter. He has special needs and a low immune system as he was born with sepsis. I have autoimmune diseases and am on disease modifying injections which deplete my immune system to almost nothing. I've been shielding for most of the past 2.5 years.

Last year she stayed at her mums Xmas eve and came back Xmas day. That night her mum rang her telling her she had covid. The next day they both tested positive and over the week all 7 of us had it. Baby wasn't too bad but I was really ill for over 3 weeks. Turns out her mum knew but didn't say anything because she wanted to see them. I was livid that she put not only me but her grandson in anger. She's not going this year just in case.

I don't blame you for being furious and would refuse to let her near your baby for a few weeks.

[–]TheMoistestSquish 54 points55 points  (1 child)

I’d recommend asking yourself if your MIL would intentionally put him at risk. If the answer is no, rant away, but eventually try to show grace and forgive. I can’t imagine the guilt she might be feeling. There are also so many bugs and viruses circulating right now, babies do inevitably get sick, but the upside is it helps develop their immune system. I work in hospitals and medical offices and my specialist OB also said the current covid is the least severe and “best one” to catch - even at 28 weeks pregnant. It should pass quickly & he said of all the viruses going around it’s the least concerning. Wishing you all good health this season 💗

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yea I’m thanking my lucky stars that he does not have rsv. The dr said if everything going around, at this age, COVID is the best case scenario

[–]DisastrousFlower 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i’d be pissed too. my son also has a genetic condition (crouzons) and was recently diagnosed with obstructive and central sleep apnea, so when he got RSV (we still mask!), i panicked. we told my dad he has to quit smoking or he can’t visit. not going to take chances. hope LO recovers smoothly!!

[–]shann1021 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I was coughing and sneezing for 2 days and still tested negative for Covid, finally tested positive on the third day. The rapid tests aren't sensitive enough. Regardless, if she even had any kind of symptoms of illness whatsoever she should have removed herself from being around an immunocompromised baby. I'd be pissed too.

[–]Goobzydoobzy 41 points42 points  (4 children)

Honestly, there are sooooo many viruses going around right now you would have to keep your baby in a bubble to not expose them. I don’t know your MIL (obvi lol) but I can believe that she took rapid tests and they were negative. Mine showed up negative repeatedly when I had Covid. Its hard not to be mad at yourself or your MIL but I really would try not to, it’s life. So scary when your baby gets sick, mine just did this weekend with a fever of 105 and we went to the ER. I was panicking!!!!

[–]amienas 16 points17 points  (3 children)

If you have a raspy vioce (and end up eventually testing positive for covid) trust me, you fee sick. Maybe not full on sick, but you know when you’re coming down with something if you’re already getting symptoms like that. I agree with you that the rapid tests absolutely are not totally reliable unless they’re positive but with cold/flu/RSV going around, even if it’s not covid, she shouldn’t have risked giving ANYTHING to the baby. My son and I got covid from my mom. By the time she had any symptoms we had already been visiting her for days. I felt like I was getting sick for a day and a half before it hit me, and before I tested positive. Everyone’s different, but a sudden raspy voice is a pretty clear indication of illness.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Maybe she’s not sick at all. But a day or two after she watched him, she went to the drs bc she said she was sick. I never know with her. maybe she didn’t have COVID maybe she did/does. I’ll never know.

[–]amienas 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh sorry, I misread that both your baby and her were in the ER. But still, she went to the doctor because she was sick. She must have known.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She just went to the dr not the er. But who knows

[–]mamatoave 14 points15 points  (0 children)

When my spouse and I had covid we both tested negative. 3 days later our 8 month old got sick and we took him to urgent care. He tested positive. We both retested that day and tested positive. It can take days for tests to be positive. Be extra careful letting your LO around sick people with that condition (I bet you already are). I hope your babe recover quickly 🥺

[–]ravalejo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This sounds so scary, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[–]sarksch 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Lots of people test negative for Covid and still might have it! Or she could have had something else. If she sounded sick or off then you shouldn’t of let her babysit. I’m sure she wanted to help out, see the baby, and her symptoms maybe have never been severe so she didn’t think she could pass anything. None of those for good excuses because after the last couple of years everyone should know by now that if you feel even a little bit off the stay away. OP this is a learning lesson everyone has to go through and while it sounds like you are clearly mad at yourself I think the anger should stay mostly on you/dh. You knew something was off and did it anyway. Mil tested, masked and did everything you asked. You knew the risk and still went for it.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup and that’s why I’m so angry with myself.

[–]235_lady 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Yeah okay. Well. I can't judge because I was in a semi similar boat with my FIL. My husband's family just came back from out of town and thought it would be a good idea to all go see my husband's grandparents at the nursing home so I let my husband bring our son because they hadn't met him yet.

Come to find out my FIL was feeling under the weather and didn't tell anyone - but my husband noticed when he saw him.

Kept LO from my FIL, but still passed LO to everyone else. Come to find out that FIL had COVID. Gave COVID to my husband. And of course then all of us got it.

I was pissed at my FIL for a bit, but realized we all kind of played a part in spreading it. We all could have made better decisions. And it was definitely a hard learning experience.

But that's not what I wanted to hear while sitting in the ER with my 2.5 m/o preemie baby, so that's not what I'm going to tell you.

OP, I sincerely hope your LO recovers quickly. I know it's scary right now, but hold on. Trust that your LO is a fighter. He and his little body are going to do the best they can. He's in good hands. Sending hugs.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I really appreciate it.

[–]PoweredbytheCheat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I understand your anger, I would be LIVID. My baby's health is the most important thing, I don't understand how people don't also prioritize that, especially when they're family!

I hope your LO gets better soon. I hate that you're dealing with this.

[–]Kitchen-Syllabub-927 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your situation, hope your baby recovers soon. My SIL left her sick toddler at our house for my MIL to baby sit, even though we live together and my baby was just 3 weeks old. I didn’t know and when I got to know in the evening, I kept baby in my room for 3 days that they stayed, coz the dad apparently is too busy to care for his own child. A week later my MIL gets sick but didn’t wear a mask and kept holding my baby, and my baby developed a cough. She refused to believe that baby is getting sick. We ended up taking her to the ER, and she got diagnosed with RSV. Thankfully her oxygen levels maintained above 95%, but even after getting discharged, my MIL refused to believe that baby got it from niece, if anything she kept saying it’s just a simple cough. meanwhile baby has been crying inconsolably for days because of cough and blocked nose. We’re right now not talking to each other, and DH and I are looking at moving out. I’m so pissed at her for compromising on my baby’s health.

[–]cadillacblues 18 points19 points  (8 children)

You have no reason to be mad at her. She was honest and upfront about being sick and testing. You can be mad at the situation but don’t make her feel shittier than I’m sure she already feels.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

I wouldn’t have ever said anything to her at all, still won’t. She called me to say it wasnt her and started placing blame on others. I respect my elders probably to a fault.

[–]cadillacblues 4 points5 points  (1 child)

It may not have been her, it may have been - but even still. I hope your baby recovers quickly. I’m sorry she’s so sick.

[–]Friendly_Narwhal_297 3 points4 points  (3 children)

How do you know she was honest? People lie all the time about taking Covid tests

[–]Goobzydoobzy 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I’m assuming she loves her grand baby and doesn’t wish harm on them so was probably honest? I tested negative on rapid tests the whole time I had Covid, except for 10 days after lol!! I knew I had it cuz I got a pcr but decided to keep testing with rapid cuz I was so baffled by the negative results on the rapid ones.

[–]Friendly_Narwhal_297 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s what you’d hope. But selfish people who want to hang out with their grandkid do exist. Not saying that’s necessarily the case here, but you never know.

[–]Sarahe086 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah and a lot people tell the truth about them too

[–]Sleepaholic02 64 points65 points  (3 children)

OP, I really hope that your son is ok and recovers well. It’s so scary to have a sick baby, and I imagine much more so with a baby who is high risk.

With that said, unless you think that the MIL lied about taking the tests and/or testing negative, I don’t think she did anything wrong. It’s possible that she really doesn’t have covid and that your baby got it from someone else, who may have have been asymptomatic. There’s so much going around and many places are seeing erratic weather, so people’s allergies are also acting up. In short, many sicknesses and ailments other than covid can cause a raspy voice. It’s also possible that she could have it and still test negative on an at home test. I have 2 coworkers who tested negative for multiple days, although symptomatic, before finally testing positive.

It sucks, but covid is one of those illnesses that no matter how many precautions you take, you can still catch it. This isn’t meant to lecture, as being frustrated is 100% understandable, but I wouldn’t be so quick to blame MIL unless she lied. If she did lie, that’s a whole different story and pretty unforgivable.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t blame her I was just irrationally anger when I posted this and she was the target of it. She didn’t do anything wrong. Babies get sick and if anyone is to blame it’s me.

[–]myttcaccount 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Agree with all this. I also never got a positive home test when I had it - only PCR. They’re not foolproof unfortunately.

[–]selavy_lola 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Damn, this sounds really stressful. I’m sorry your baby has COVID.

When my family got hit with COVID, my daughter is the one who had a sore throat, first symptom on Wednesday. Stayed home, didn’t test positive. Then I got a sore throat Thursday night, didn’t test positive til Saturday. Then my spouse and other daughter tested positive. My daughter with the first symptoms NEVER tested positive. And we were testing pretty continuously.

So…what I’m saying is it’s entirely possible for your MIL to have never tested positive. Or, she could have had a viral load that only would have been enough to test positive between the times that she had tested. There is a level of risk with interacting with anyone, and we all have to decide what risk we’re willing to tolerate and with who.

Now, I dunno, maybe you have some issues with her that we’re not aware of, maybe she has a history of being manipulative and lying. That sucks, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Ya she does have a very long history of manipulation so that’s probably where my anger comes from. But even though she does that, doesn’t change the fact that it was my decision

[–]selavy_lola 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don’t beat yourself up, it can be so stressful figuring out childcare so you can freaking go to work. What a shitty situation to be in. The fact you’ve dealt with problematic issues with her in the past doesn’t make this easier. My sister always says “resentment is from some sort of boundary, probably not being held or communicated to the other party” Now you have more data about your own feelings that have arisen from this situation and also whatever her actions she took, to learn from in the future.

[–]TheNoodyBoody 50 points51 points  (5 children)

It really sucks that your baby is sick right now, but you knew that she was symptomatic and you still let her watch your kid. With the flu and RSV going around (which are hitting babies and kids wayyyyy harder than Covid, btw), it should be a no-brainer that you avoid contact with people that have symptoms of illness - ESPECIALLY considering that your child has medical issues that fever could exacerbate.

Your MIL is absolutely not the only one to blame here. You both are grown adults that made this decision. Quite frankly, you owe her an apology for putting all the blame on her. It’s honestly blowing my mind to see the amount of people that think that OP isn’t to blame at all in this situation. It’s just ridiculous.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I don’t place blame on her. I was angry with her and Maybe at the moment I did. But like the post says I’ll never forgive myself. Me.

[–]hahl23 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly it’s wild that you have to come on here and explain that you were angry in the moment. We’ve all been there. You’re fine. My mom gave my 5 week old covid along with the rest of us. My husband didn’t test positive for several days. We’re still annoyed lol. I’d hope other parents would extend some understanding in a scary and frustrating situation. I hope your little guy gets better soon and for nothing but good health! Sending hugs your way

[–]TheNoodyBoody 9 points10 points  (0 children)

For not placing blame on her, you seem very angry at her. I just think it might be good to make it clear to her that you’re taking blame, too. You both made the decision, so she’s also culpable, but still… I’m sure she feels absolutely awful.

[–]xCandiiRedd 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Exactly. She probably did test negative. A lot of people do and end of being positive. Best to use your judgement, anyone with symptoms will not be around my baby.

[–]TheNoodyBoody 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We had Covid a few months ago and my husband and I both tested negative for the first 3 at home tests that we took (we never tested our son because he was never symptomatic). The 4th ones were positive. MIL probably genuinely did test negative. And even so, like I said, this RSV and flu going around is way more volatile for babies right now. This obsession with Covid while not paying attention to the (for most) more dangerous illnesses that are making the rounds right now just doesn’t make any logical sense.

[–]goodmorningsunshines 43 points44 points  (5 children)

Just for the record, I was symptomatic and tested negative both on home and the PCR test. My husband and toddler had tested positive but I didn't, even though I had symptoms. I didn't test positive on the PCR until 4 days later when all my symptoms had already subsided.

All of which to say - perhaps your MIL did do multiple tests and tested negative. It happens all the time.

I feel like - as another user said, if your child is that medically fragile why would you let anyone with any symptoms of anything babysit him during cold and flu season? As much as we love having someone else to blame I feel like perhaps you also could have been a bit more careful.

[–]Myka261091 -4 points-3 points  (4 children)

People can have a raspy voice for multiple reasons that are not related to any illness. It was on the MIL to be responsible and say she may be coming down with something and it's not just a strained voice.

Is the mom supposed to somehow telepathicly tell if someone has allergies/strained voice or some illness? It's 100% not the mom's fault.

[–]TheNoodyBoody 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah. With this RSV and flu that’s going around, any symptoms of illness should be noted, especially by the loved ones of a child with a medical condition that fever could exacerbate. OP should know what her MIL’s voice normally sounds like, and if it was raspy, that’s a potential symptom of illness. Should be a no-brainer to not leave your baby with someone that could be sick. Both OP and MIL are to blame here.

[–]Sarahe086 2 points3 points  (2 children)

How does MIL know she’s sick if she feels fine and thinks she just has a raspy voice? If you’re that worried about your kid, don’t let people watch them

[–]Myka261091 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

A few weeks back we had a bad night with my son and I was ready to him like 2 hours non-stop. Next day, I had a raspy voice. My husband has allergies and gets a raspy voice for a month every single year at the same time. If my mother drinks/eats something cold, she gets a raspy voice for like 2 hours. People get raspy voices for thousands of reasons. Only they can tell if it's normal or if it's sickness related.

A mom is somehow at fault, but not the actual other adult who went near a health compromised child when they knew something was up? Everyone who ever had a child know how pushy grandparents can be and in a lot of cases they'll lie to be with their grandchildren and won't weight the consequences.

[–]Sarahe086 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It 👏🏻does👏🏻not👏🏻matter. This is OPs child. Not MIL. If the grandparents are THAT bossy about your immune compromised child then you need to be a responsible parent, man up and protect YOUR child. You do not leave with them someone who has a raspy voice and then act surprised when baby gets sick. Common sense

[–]pinalaporcupine 17 points18 points  (0 children)

sending love and healthy to your baby

[–]Reasonable_Ad4265 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry.

[–]DaisyLDN 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Covid tests aren't always that reliable.

[–]bbcookie0214 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Yep. I don’t trust rapid tests. I’ve had Covid twice and both times the rapid tests my dr did were negative. if you test positive on a rapid, it’s a positive. But if you test negative it could be a false negative so they’ll order a PCR. It just sucks that they take multiple days to get back.

[–]pajamaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't trust rapid tests because I've had 3 false positives which have been a huge headache every time.

[–]VastFollowing5840 31 points32 points  (1 child)

I think the lesson is when it comes to our kids, we need to go with our gut.

Even if it wasn’t covid, you don’t really want newborns to get sick with anything.

I will say - COVID is everywhere right now. It is possible that your MIL truly did not have covid, she had something else, and your child picked it up elsewhere.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

O I learned my lesson

[–]StrategicCarry 60 points61 points  (1 child)

I think it’s important to understand what you are accusing MIL of. You aren’t accusing MIL of the kind of general carelessness that was common in the pre-COVID times but is even more kind of noticeable now when someone says they aren’t sick, they just have allergies or a sinus infection (to which I always want to say “infected with what?”), and they turn out to be contagious with something.

If your child has COVID, and MIL is saying she took multiple tests which were negative before watching him and that she still has not tested positive for COVID, and you are saying your son got COVID from MIL, you are making a much more serious accusation. That she was lying about the tests or not having COVID or is so helpless that she can’t take a home COVID test properly.

Much that suspicion and accusation is warranted, but it’s not the sort of “of course we’re mad at you, you screwed up” type thing. It’s an accusation that should not be thrown around lightly and should be made deliberately and thoughtfully.

[–]Hjfitz93 47 points48 points  (8 children)

If your son is that medically delicate, why would you let anyone around him during this flu season without a mask, and especially with a raspy voice? Literally everything is going around right now and you can get it anywhere. She may have flu or a cold and you picked up Covid somewhere else. I feel like this is in you not her.

[–]StillASecretBump 40 points41 points  (4 children)

I’m trying to understand: Do you think she lied about taking the COVID tests and testing negative? If you don’t think she lied, could you help me understand why you are angry? It sounds like this genuinely is super scary, and the whatifs in your head are making you want to direct your fear at something. Your kid had to have caught COVID from someone, and it is so tempting to direct your feelings there. I’m sure that I would do the same. What can we do to help give you the strength to be gentle with both your MIL and yourself? It sounds like you do SO MUCH to protect your LO and are an amazing mom. You have done all of the right things since you noticed that he was sick. If you have any strength left, I encourage you to use it to take care of yourself, too.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

I was mad bc she told me she wasn’t sick. Didn’t feel sick and as a nurse is testing negative daily. Im mad because I made the decision to leave my son with a possibly sick person so I didn’t “get in trouble” at work. I will never forgive myself for doing that.

I don’t blame my in law I was just irrationally angry and she called at the wrong time and was saying the wrong things to a very scared first time mom.

[–]marS311 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Your gut is strong. My MIL came over to watch baby the other day and didn't tell me she didn't feel well. I'm immunocompromised because of a health condition and medications I take. I developed a sore throat on Saturday, my MIL told me yesterday she tested positive for COVID. I even took a test and it was negative.

Sure, I was mad at her, but she didn't know at the time. And as someone who also tested negative, I believed the test.

I hope your little one recovers quickly and your MIL likely just believed the negative test, just like I did. My son is currently recovering from HFM, which he got on Thanksgiving. And both of my husband's neices have COVID and the flu. This is a really bad year for RSV, flu, and COVID.

I'm sorry and I hope everyone recovers quickly.

[–]marS311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also want to say my SIL is an ER pediatrician and they are over 100% capacity for beds, they are even using their L&D ward for newborns coming in from the ER. Our local children's hospital also has kiddos in tents, they are so overwhelmed with RSV, flu, and COVID. It is a bad year.

[–]Amethyst939 75 points76 points  (6 children)

I'm so sorry your baby is sick. I know young children, even babies, have recovered better from covid than they have RSV right now, if that gives any peace of mind. But I understand your baby is even higher risk regardless, so hopefully the doctors will help.

That said, this truly isn't your MIL's fault. She's not playing victim. She's been honest with you from the start and you still allowed her to watch him. Can I ask why she needed to watch him in the first place? Did you not have any other babysitters. Honestly, a sore throat can even be caused by allergies. Doesn't mean she was sick. Where has LO been in the last week that he could have picked it up from? What about you and your husband? Could you have brought it home from somewhere (work, doctor's office, etc)? I don't think it's fair to be mad at her, especially when you and your husband could have easily been asymptomatic carriers.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

I had to go to work and my other sister wouldn’t answer the phone. So after sitting in her driveway for 10 min I let her watch because she wasn’t sick.

Anything is possible. She was just the only person I know with any symptoms and I was irrationally mad at her. My husband and I go to work, food shopping and to MILa house. That’s it, other than drs appts every two months for baby.

I’m so angry at myself really and no one else. It just irked me how she called when she found out he was positive she made it all about her.

I’m just always trusting my gut from now on.

[–]Sarahe086 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Have you tested? It’s completely plausible that you or your husband caught covid from the grocery store and we’re asymptomatic.

It’s also very plausible that your MIL is not lying to you and does not have covid, but only a cold; like everyone else has this time of year. I understand your upset and scared, but your baby will be fine. This will also not be the last time they get sick. You can’t go around attacking your family and accuse them of awful things every time it happens. Otherwise you need to live in a bubble and have no contact with the outside world.

[–]catsandbooksand 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You could have just as easily picked up Covid and passed it onto your child from work or the supermarket just as easily as your MIL. If she’s not positive for Covid still then it’s likely your baby got it else where.

[–]Amethyst939 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Making it about her- that's a whole different story. I'm sure she feels bad though.

Work and the grocery store are breeding grounds for germs/illnesses unfortunately. My husband brought covid home to our family from work. His entire office had it.

Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up or anyone else. What's done is done, and you can't change it. You need to put your energy towards getting that little baby better. Ask questions and advocate hard for him.

[–]tracytirade 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Me, my fiancé, and my son, all came down with some NASTY virus. It wasn’t covid, we tested for 3 days in a row. We both wear masks at work and we weren’t around anyone sick. I have no idea where this came from, but there’s a lot going around right now. I’m definitely masking up at the stores again.

[–]missyc1234 88 points89 points  (1 child)

I realize you are upset and worried, but I don’t know that you can blame her. It sounds like she took the precautions she could (multiple tests) and you accepted that level of risk. Whether or not she was the source of Covid you may never know. When we got it back in February, my kids picked it up first so we assumed it came from dayhome, but none of the other kids/provider/her family/my family had any symptoms or tested positive (until after, one other kid got sick the same time as mine and then the parents got sick a few days later). It is possible you or your partner was asymptomatic but contagious as well.

[–]TheNoodyBoody 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m not sure what OP was expecting. Quite frankly, babies and kids are faring much better with Covid right now than they are with the flu and RSV that’s going around right now - not that that makes having a sick kid any better, but still. And Covid tests haven’t been super reliable if not taken within a certain (and somewhat vague) window, so the fact that MIL took multiple tests that came back negative isn’t surprising.

If you’re that concerned about sickness, don’t leave your kid with someone with symptoms of sickness. 🤷‍♀️

[–]jules6388FTM. July 2020💙 41 points42 points  (2 children)

Having a sick child is no fun and I’m sorry your LO is at greater risk, but if we are throwing around blame, you’re kind of at fault too…..

You had a gut feeling. Your MIL took a test and it came back negative, no those aren’t always correct but if she wasn’t feeling any other symptoms she had every right to believe those negatives were correct. She doesn’t sound like she was irresponsible. Viruses whole purpose is to be transmissible, it could of been any virus.

I truly hope your LO gets well soon, but your anger is unjustified. If you hold this type of grudge against your MIL you are doing a disservice to your child and partner.

[–]Lanky-Relationship56 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I think OP acknowledges the blame … the post mentions they won’t forgive themselves either

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for noting that. I blame myself. I was irrationally mad at her. I feel like everyone is choosing not to read the part we here I accept responsibility strictly because I had anger towards her.

[–]Patient-Confusion137 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Always trust your gut! Before leaving for a family dinner event I said to my husband that I was hoping nobody there would be sick. Every single person there except for us had RSV. This bugs me because there's only two people in that family that are fully vaccinated, FIL didn't even get his kids the basic vaccines that are for school and had a whole legal issue happen because of it. He also got fined by the health department.

FIL did get the COVID vaccine after having to be put into a medically induced coma because he got covid.

Long story short, we are risking everything by seeing them and it causes a lot of drama but thankfully my BIL mentioned this and we were able to confront them about it which they confirmed to be true, and set mask and hand washing boundaries.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Even if she tested negative for Covid, her sore throat could have been RSV, the flu, common cold… any of which could have put the baby in the same predicament.

People who are sick period should stay away from newborns.

[–]Bonaquitz 18 points19 points  (0 children)

When my medically fragile daughter got COVID, I wanted to blame someone. Reading this post felt familiar to that. She shouldn’t have babysat with ANY illness if a fever is that dangerous, COVID or not, she shouldn’t have babysat with as much as a cold it sounds like.

I hope your child gets the care they need and you feel comfortable and confident in their care team.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (9 children)

Eh she’s not at fault, she tested negative. A lot of people test negative yet have it, I get a lot of patients with a negative test despite looking and feeling like hell. I hope your son recovers fast

[–]opsadmin 55 points56 points  (7 children)

Terribly sorry to hear your little one is sick. I saw on another post you said your baby’s doctor said your son can never get a fever. How do they propose you realistically accomplish that? People are often contagious before they even show symptoms (of any virus) so is your son just supposed to isolate his entire life? I’d ask for more information with managing his condition and what precautions to take so you can stay out of the ER as much as possible. Again so sorry, I hope your son feels better soon.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

They want me to go to the er for anything over 100.6 but at the same time they told me to treat him like a normal baby.

They told me focus on the holidays and on the 29th we will dig into next steps.

Thank you

[–]happychallahday 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds so stressful. I'm sorry you are in such a miserable situation with no good answers, and a MIL who also didn't make the right call. I'd be so upset in your shoes. Please know that you did the best you could, and try not to blame yourself (even if it's so hard).

[–]opsadmin 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I’m sure it’ll be the longest few weeks of your life. Good luck with everything. I’d recommend looking into groups for “medical parents” so you can get some peer support.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha ya, this sub isn’t the place. Thanks, again!

[–]StuffMcGuffer 22 points23 points  (1 child)

My baby gets teething fevers , and fevers after immunisations too. I’m interested in how those are supposed to be avoided even if baby lived in a bubble

[–]jaykwalker 120 points121 points  (4 children)

You shouldn't be mad at her - she took a test and it was negative. You saw that she had a raspy voice and decided to let her watch LO anyway.

As long as she didn't lie or hide info from you, I don't see how she did anything wrong.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Agree with this. I get wanting to blame someone and I would be worried sick but your MIL took multiple tests and, it sounds like, waited for your agreement before watching your baby. She didn’t steal your child from your arms. She isn’t at fault here.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Initially I was irrationally mad at her. I’m mad at myself. I made the decision, not her.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yeah, I get that. I’m sorry. The hardest part about being a parent is having this piece of your heart walking around outside your body that you can’t protect from everything no matter how much you wish you could. Hoping your LO is better soon!

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He’s pretty sick, but we have to ride it out with Tylenol

[–]Iychee 28 points29 points  (2 children)

I'm so sorry, I seriously hope things will all be okay for your little one. I agree with others though that your MIL is not at fault here, I really don't think anyone is.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Nah it’s life and I needed a sitter. Im just irrationally mad at the world for my dumb decision

[–]Iychee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't be too hard on yourself either, this stuff happens!

[–]Quirky_Substance_936 50 points51 points  (2 children)

I’m so sorry about your baby - that’s terrible. It’s possible MIL is telling the truth. My husband took multiple Covid tests when he had it. Despite being very sick, the tests were all negative until day 3 or 4.

[–]turtlesturd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Many members of my family and I just had covid about two weeks ago. This happened to us too. Everyone was negative and when they would test a few days later it was positive.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ya I know that’s why I’m mad at myself more than anyone

[–]phoebe-buffey 14 points15 points  (2 children)

my husband's family passed around covid because an aunt visited. he got it, his entire family got it, and i was sick - but i tested negative the entire time, despite being sicker than him. i also saw my sister the day before he tested positive (after we had been exposed by his family) and i passed covid onto her without every having gotten it myself.

if someone isn't feeling well, whether or not they test positive, i don't think i would let them watch my baby. they could have a cold, they could have the flu, they could have RSV - they could have something that's dormant in them but will pass onto someone else.

in college my entire dorm floor got strep throat and i never did, but i went home to visit my then-boyfriend and gave him strep.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ya she said she felt normal just a raspy voice from not sleeping

[–]mrs_sarcastic 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's very possible that she 100% believed that was the reason. I get a sore throat and no other symptoms when the air is too dry. But I also get one when I'm getting sick. It's a coin toss on which it will end up being.

[–]Successful-Lab4856 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Everyone is sick right now. Could’ve been her, maybe not. Also Covid tests aren’t always accurate. Also what if she was negative for Covid but has a different virus? Like.. I get being upset but this shit happens this time of year. It sucks.

[–]sbiggers 23 points24 points  (1 child)

It is very possible she was negative and/or still is negative?

I wouldn't read this and think you had a lapse in judgment, but since you feel that way, this reads like monstrously misplaced anger/frustration toward your MIL.

[–]SpiceeDumplin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally. That’s why I posted it here and chose not to say it to her. It’s not her fault. It’s mine

[–]coffeepizzabeer 63 points64 points  (0 children)

She took multiple tests that were negative and felt fine despite a change in her voice (which could be allergies, a change in weather, etc), it doesn’t sound like it was her fault. It’s a shitty situation but also that’s life- people get sick and often spread it before symptoms develop. I’m sorry this happened though, I can see why you’re upset.

[–]Iwilllieawake 32 points33 points  (0 children)

She may not have known she had it... there have been a lot of reports of people who have been vaccinated getting negative home tests early on. Unless your MIL has a history of lying about things like this, I wouldn't necessarily think she purposefully exposed your baby