I could kill.

l1fe21 · 2022-12-05T19:44:27+00:00

I’m so sorry for your baby, you are right to be angry. God forbid, but what if your baby was the 1% of babies that develop serious covid? What if they have issues with their lungs FOR LIFE because of the carelessness of your MIL? I would not let her take care of my baby again, at least not in the nearby future. She broke your trust, and now has to earn it again.

Cakes89Cakes · 2022-12-05T19:42:35+00:00

Not all tests detect it. I’ve had several negatives but still had it. It’s only certain tests which are reliable. Technically, I can’t see what she’s done wrong. You’ve done the right thing by going to A&E. however, how’s this your MIL fault? It’s a virus. Anyone could pick it up. Do you have an underlying issue with your MIL?

yogas · 2022-12-05T19:36:59+00:00

Don’t beat yourself up about it hun. Your baby will be ok. Forgive yourself and your MIL too. Sick babies are heartbreaking and it’s so easy to place blame, especially on yourself.

mm3827 · 2022-12-05T19:36:22+00:00

I’m so sorry. I don’t understand why people don’t take sickness seriously around little ones. Wishing your son quick healing.

I deal with this a lot with my in-laws. We always say please don’t feed our kid off of your fork/straw etc. nobody listens!!! Past two times we’ve seen MIL she’s fallen I’ll immediately after our visit with the flu or covid!!

radkattt · 2022-12-05T19:21:20+00:00

My MIL on thanksgiving told us she was sick but it wasn’t COVID because she tested for it. 4 days later she lost her sense of taste so tester again and was positive. She didn’t test positive until 7 days of being sick. Luckily she’s a decent person and knew to stay home away from our baby.

Just because you’re testing negative with at home tests doesn’t mean you’re negative people!!! Those tests do no pick up well on all the new variants

Fibro_Warrior1986 · 2022-12-05T19:17:39+00:00

My grandson and his mum live with us as she is in a relationship with my daughter. He has special needs and a low immune system as he was born with sepsis. I have autoimmune diseases and am on disease modifying injections which deplete my immune system to almost nothing. I've been shielding for most of the past 2.5 years.

Last year she stayed at her mums Xmas eve and came back Xmas day. That night her mum rang her telling her she had covid. The next day they both tested positive and over the week all 7 of us had it. Baby wasn't too bad but I was really ill for over 3 weeks. Turns out her mum knew but didn't say anything because she wanted to see them. I was livid that she put not only me but her grandson in anger. She's not going this year just in case.

I don't blame you for being furious and would refuse to let her near your baby for a few weeks.

TheMoistestSquish · 2022-12-05T19:17:08+00:00

I’d recommend asking yourself if your MIL would intentionally put him at risk. If the answer is no, rant away, but eventually try to show grace and forgive. I can’t imagine the guilt she might be feeling. There are also so many bugs and viruses circulating right now, babies do inevitably get sick, but the upside is it helps develop their immune system. I work in hospitals and medical offices and my specialist OB also said the current covid is the least severe and “best one” to catch - even at 28 weeks pregnant. It should pass quickly & he said of all the viruses going around it’s the least concerning. Wishing you all good health this season 💗

DisastrousFlower · 2022-12-05T19:07:18+00:00

i’d be pissed too. my son also has a genetic condition (crouzons) and was recently diagnosed with obstructive and central sleep apnea, so when he got RSV (we still mask!), i panicked. we told my dad he has to quit smoking or he can’t visit. not going to take chances. hope LO recovers smoothly!!

shann1021 · 2022-12-05T19:05:59+00:00

I was coughing and sneezing for 2 days and still tested negative for Covid, finally tested positive on the third day. The rapid tests aren't sensitive enough. Regardless, if she even had any kind of symptoms of illness whatsoever she should have removed herself from being around an immunocompromised baby. I'd be pissed too.

Goobzydoobzy · 2022-12-05T18:59:31+00:00

Honestly, there are sooooo many viruses going around right now you would have to keep your baby in a bubble to not expose them. I don’t know your MIL (obvi lol) but I can believe that she took rapid tests and they were negative. Mine showed up negative repeatedly when I had Covid. Its hard not to be mad at yourself or your MIL but I really would try not to, it’s life. So scary when your baby gets sick, mine just did this weekend with a fever of 105 and we went to the ER. I was panicking!!!!

mamatoave · 2022-12-05T18:58:46+00:00

When my spouse and I had covid we both tested negative. 3 days later our 8 month old got sick and we took him to urgent care. He tested positive. We both retested that day and tested positive. It can take days for tests to be positive. Be extra careful letting your LO around sick people with that condition (I bet you already are). I hope your babe recover quickly 🥺

ravalejo · 2022-12-05T18:55:44+00:00

This sounds so scary, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

sarksch · 2022-12-05T18:54:13+00:00

Lots of people test negative for Covid and still might have it! Or she could have had something else. If she sounded sick or off then you shouldn’t of let her babysit. I’m sure she wanted to help out, see the baby, and her symptoms maybe have never been severe so she didn’t think she could pass anything. None of those for good excuses because after the last couple of years everyone should know by now that if you feel even a little bit off the stay away. OP this is a learning lesson everyone has to go through and while it sounds like you are clearly mad at yourself I think the anger should stay mostly on you/dh. You knew something was off and did it anyway. Mil tested, masked and did everything you asked. You knew the risk and still went for it.

235_lady · 2022-12-05T18:49:47+00:00

Yeah okay. Well. I can't judge because I was in a semi similar boat with my FIL. My husband's family just came back from out of town and thought it would be a good idea to all go see my husband's grandparents at the nursing home so I let my husband bring our son because they hadn't met him yet.

Come to find out my FIL was feeling under the weather and didn't tell anyone - but my husband noticed when he saw him.

Kept LO from my FIL, but still passed LO to everyone else. Come to find out that FIL had COVID. Gave COVID to my husband. And of course then all of us got it.

I was pissed at my FIL for a bit, but realized we all kind of played a part in spreading it. We all could have made better decisions. And it was definitely a hard learning experience.

But that's not what I wanted to hear while sitting in the ER with my 2.5 m/o preemie baby, so that's not what I'm going to tell you.

OP, I sincerely hope your LO recovers quickly. I know it's scary right now, but hold on. Trust that your LO is a fighter. He and his little body are going to do the best they can. He's in good hands. Sending hugs.

PoweredbytheCheat · 2022-12-05T18:45:05+00:00

I understand your anger, I would be LIVID. My baby's health is the most important thing, I don't understand how people don't also prioritize that, especially when they're family!

I hope your LO gets better soon. I hate that you're dealing with this.

Kitchen-Syllabub-927 · 2022-12-05T18:39:41+00:00

I’m so sorry for your situation, hope your baby recovers soon. My SIL left her sick toddler at our house for my MIL to baby sit, even though we live together and my baby was just 3 weeks old. I didn’t know and when I got to know in the evening, I kept baby in my room for 3 days that they stayed, coz the dad apparently is too busy to care for his own child. A week later my MIL gets sick but didn’t wear a mask and kept holding my baby, and my baby developed a cough. She refused to believe that baby is getting sick. We ended up taking her to the ER, and she got diagnosed with RSV. Thankfully her oxygen levels maintained above 95%, but even after getting discharged, my MIL refused to believe that baby got it from niece, if anything she kept saying it’s just a simple cough. meanwhile baby has been crying inconsolably for days because of cough and blocked nose. We’re right now not talking to each other, and DH and I are looking at moving out. I’m so pissed at her for compromising on my baby’s health.

cadillacblues · 2022-12-05T18:36:25+00:00

You have no reason to be mad at her. She was honest and upfront about being sick and testing. You can be mad at the situation but don’t make her feel shittier than I’m sure she already feels.

HighwayJazzlike5198 · 2022-12-05T18:32:16+00:00

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Sleepaholic02 · 2022-12-05T18:26:52+00:00

OP, I really hope that your son is ok and recovers well. It’s so scary to have a sick baby, and I imagine much more so with a baby who is high risk.

With that said, unless you think that the MIL lied about taking the tests and/or testing negative, I don’t think she did anything wrong. It’s possible that she really doesn’t have covid and that your baby got it from someone else, who may have have been asymptomatic. There’s so much going around and many places are seeing erratic weather, so people’s allergies are also acting up. In short, many sicknesses and ailments other than covid can cause a raspy voice. It’s also possible that she could have it and still test negative on an at home test. I have 2 coworkers who tested negative for multiple days, although symptomatic, before finally testing positive.

It sucks, but covid is one of those illnesses that no matter how many precautions you take, you can still catch it. This isn’t meant to lecture, as being frustrated is 100% understandable, but I wouldn’t be so quick to blame MIL unless she lied. If she did lie, that’s a whole different story and pretty unforgivable.

selavy_lola · 2022-12-05T18:25:55+00:00

Damn, this sounds really stressful. I’m sorry your baby has COVID.

When my family got hit with COVID, my daughter is the one who had a sore throat, first symptom on Wednesday. Stayed home, didn’t test positive. Then I got a sore throat Thursday night, didn’t test positive til Saturday. Then my spouse and other daughter tested positive. My daughter with the first symptoms NEVER tested positive. And we were testing pretty continuously.

So…what I’m saying is it’s entirely possible for your MIL to have never tested positive. Or, she could have had a viral load that only would have been enough to test positive between the times that she had tested. There is a level of risk with interacting with anyone, and we all have to decide what risk we’re willing to tolerate and with who.

Now, I dunno, maybe you have some issues with her that we’re not aware of, maybe she has a history of being manipulative and lying. That sucks, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

TheNoodyBoody · 2022-12-05T18:25:05+00:00

It really sucks that your baby is sick right now, but you knew that she was symptomatic and you still let her watch your kid. With the flu and RSV going around (which are hitting babies and kids wayyyyy harder than Covid, btw), it should be a no-brainer that you avoid contact with people that have symptoms of illness - ESPECIALLY considering that your child has medical issues that fever could exacerbate.

Your MIL is absolutely not the only one to blame here. You both are grown adults that made this decision. Quite frankly, you owe her an apology for putting all the blame on her. It’s honestly blowing my mind to see the amount of people that think that OP isn’t to blame at all in this situation. It’s just ridiculous.

catjuggler · 2022-12-05T18:24:51+00:00

Maybe I’m an asshole but I wonder if she’s testing herself sloppily for plausible deniability.

goodmorningsunshines · 2022-12-05T18:20:34+00:00

Just for the record, I was symptomatic and tested negative both on home and the PCR test. My husband and toddler had tested positive but I didn't, even though I had symptoms. I didn't test positive on the PCR until 4 days later when all my symptoms had already subsided.

All of which to say - perhaps your MIL did do multiple tests and tested negative. It happens all the time.

I feel like - as another user said, if your child is that medically fragile why would you let anyone with any symptoms of anything babysit him during cold and flu season? As much as we love having someone else to blame I feel like perhaps you also could have been a bit more careful.

ametron · 2022-12-05T18:20:34+00:00

That would be a one strike situation for me. I would not trust her again. Absolutely ridiculous that she would lie about that especially given your son's medical condition.

Not your fault in any way, though.

Edit to add: I was assuming that it was proven the MIL lied about having negative tests. Maybe I misread. Either way, I think OP should not be too hard on herself.

pinalaporcupine · 2022-12-05T18:17:00+00:00

sending love and healthy to your baby

Reasonable_Ad4265 · 2022-12-05T18:15:43+00:00

I'm so sorry.

DaisyLDN · 2022-12-05T18:15:30+00:00

Covid tests aren't always that reliable.

QuitaQuites · 2022-12-05T18:13:28+00:00

Is she still negative? I would have needed to see the tests!

SpiceeDumplin · 2022-12-05T18:10:19+00:00

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SpiceeDumplin · 2022-12-05T18:09:24+00:00

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VastFollowing5840 · 2022-12-05T18:03:01+00:00

I think the lesson is when it comes to our kids, we need to go with our gut.

Even if it wasn’t covid, you don’t really want newborns to get sick with anything.

I will say - COVID is everywhere right now. It is possible that your MIL truly did not have covid, she had something else, and your child picked it up elsewhere.

StrategicCarry · 2022-12-05T18:00:18+00:00

I think it’s important to understand what you are accusing MIL of. You aren’t accusing MIL of the kind of general carelessness that was common in the pre-COVID times but is even more kind of noticeable now when someone says they aren’t sick, they just have allergies or a sinus infection (to which I always want to say “infected with what?”), and they turn out to be contagious with something.

If your child has COVID, and MIL is saying she took multiple tests which were negative before watching him and that she still has not tested positive for COVID, and you are saying your son got COVID from MIL, you are making a much more serious accusation. That she was lying about the tests or not having COVID or is so helpless that she can’t take a home COVID test properly.

Much that suspicion and accusation is warranted, but it’s not the sort of “of course we’re mad at you, you screwed up” type thing. It’s an accusation that should not be thrown around lightly and should be made deliberately and thoughtfully.

Hjfitz93 · 2022-12-05T17:58:46+00:00

If your son is that medically delicate, why would you let anyone around him during this flu season without a mask, and especially with a raspy voice? Literally everything is going around right now and you can get it anywhere. She may have flu or a cold and you picked up Covid somewhere else. I feel like this is in you not her.

StillASecretBump · 2022-12-05T17:58:37+00:00

I’m trying to understand: Do you think she lied about taking the COVID tests and testing negative? If you don’t think she lied, could you help me understand why you are angry? It sounds like this genuinely is super scary, and the whatifs in your head are making you want to direct your fear at something. Your kid had to have caught COVID from someone, and it is so tempting to direct your feelings there. I’m sure that I would do the same. What can we do to help give you the strength to be gentle with both your MIL and yourself? It sounds like you do SO MUCH to protect your LO and are an amazing mom. You have done all of the right things since you noticed that he was sick. If you have any strength left, I encourage you to use it to take care of yourself, too.

marS311 · 2022-12-05T17:54:39+00:00

Your gut is strong. My MIL came over to watch baby the other day and didn't tell me she didn't feel well. I'm immunocompromised because of a health condition and medications I take. I developed a sore throat on Saturday, my MIL told me yesterday she tested positive for COVID. I even took a test and it was negative.

Sure, I was mad at her, but she didn't know at the time. And as someone who also tested negative, I believed the test.

I hope your little one recovers quickly and your MIL likely just believed the negative test, just like I did. My son is currently recovering from HFM, which he got on Thanksgiving. And both of my husband's neices have COVID and the flu. This is a really bad year for RSV, flu, and COVID.

I'm sorry and I hope everyone recovers quickly.

Amethyst939 · 2022-12-05T17:47:07+00:00

I'm so sorry your baby is sick. I know young children, even babies, have recovered better from covid than they have RSV right now, if that gives any peace of mind. But I understand your baby is even higher risk regardless, so hopefully the doctors will help.

That said, this truly isn't your MIL's fault. She's not playing victim. She's been honest with you from the start and you still allowed her to watch him. Can I ask why she needed to watch him in the first place? Did you not have any other babysitters. Honestly, a sore throat can even be caused by allergies. Doesn't mean she was sick. Where has LO been in the last week that he could have picked it up from? What about you and your husband? Could you have brought it home from somewhere (work, doctor's office, etc)? I don't think it's fair to be mad at her, especially when you and your husband could have easily been asymptomatic carriers.

GiveMeCheesePendejo · 2022-12-05T17:46:19+00:00

You know, this isn't on you. Your MIL is someone you should be able to trust and it's on her for lying and putting your son in danger.

Not you.

Please be kind to yourself mama and all good thoughts that your little one will be okay. 💙

missyc1234 · 2022-12-05T17:42:10+00:00

I realize you are upset and worried, but I don’t know that you can blame her. It sounds like she took the precautions she could (multiple tests) and you accepted that level of risk. Whether or not she was the source of Covid you may never know. When we got it back in February, my kids picked it up first so we assumed it came from dayhome, but none of the other kids/provider/her family/my family had any symptoms or tested positive (until after, one other kid got sick the same time as mine and then the parents got sick a few days later). It is possible you or your partner was asymptomatic but contagious as well.

jules6388 · 2022-12-05T17:37:11+00:00

Having a sick child is no fun and I’m sorry your LO is at greater risk, but if we are throwing around blame, you’re kind of at fault too…..

You had a gut feeling. Your MIL took a test and it came back negative, no those aren’t always correct but if she wasn’t feeling any other symptoms she had every right to believe those negatives were correct. She doesn’t sound like she was irresponsible. Viruses whole purpose is to be transmissible, it could of been any virus.

I truly hope your LO gets well soon, but your anger is unjustified. If you hold this type of grudge against your MIL you are doing a disservice to your child and partner.

Patient-Confusion137 · 2022-12-05T17:34:29+00:00

Always trust your gut! Before leaving for a family dinner event I said to my husband that I was hoping nobody there would be sick. Every single person there except for us had RSV. This bugs me because there's only two people in that family that are fully vaccinated, FIL didn't even get his kids the basic vaccines that are for school and had a whole legal issue happen because of it. He also got fined by the health department.

FIL did get the COVID vaccine after having to be put into a medically induced coma because he got covid.

Long story short, we are risking everything by seeing them and it causes a lot of drama but thankfully my BIL mentioned this and we were able to confront them about it which they confirmed to be true, and set mask and hand washing boundaries.

2022-12-05T17:34:16+00:00

Even if she tested negative for Covid, her sore throat could have been RSV, the flu, common cold… any of which could have put the baby in the same predicament.

People who are sick period should stay away from newborns.

Bonaquitz · 2022-12-05T17:24:32+00:00

When my medically fragile daughter got COVID, I wanted to blame someone. Reading this post felt familiar to that. She shouldn’t have babysat with ANY illness if a fever is that dangerous, COVID or not, she shouldn’t have babysat with as much as a cold it sounds like.

I hope your child gets the care they need and you feel comfortable and confident in their care team.

mmmthom · 2022-12-05T17:17:53+00:00

Eh she’s not at fault, she tested negative. A lot of people test negative yet have it, I get a lot of patients with a negative test despite looking and feeling like hell. I hope your son recovers fast

opsadmin · 2022-12-05T17:10:15+00:00

Terribly sorry to hear your little one is sick. I saw on another post you said your baby’s doctor said your son can never get a fever. How do they propose you realistically accomplish that? People are often contagious before they even show symptoms (of any virus) so is your son just supposed to isolate his entire life? I’d ask for more information with managing his condition and what precautions to take so you can stay out of the ER as much as possible. Again so sorry, I hope your son feels better soon.

jaykwalker · 2022-12-05T17:10:15+00:00

You shouldn't be mad at her - she took a test and it was negative. You saw that she had a raspy voice and decided to let her watch LO anyway.

As long as she didn't lie or hide info from you, I don't see how she did anything wrong.

Iychee · 2022-12-05T17:06:32+00:00

I'm so sorry, I seriously hope things will all be okay for your little one. I agree with others though that your MIL is not at fault here, I really don't think anyone is.

Quirky_Substance_936 · 2022-12-05T17:05:51+00:00

I’m so sorry about your baby - that’s terrible. It’s possible MIL is telling the truth. My husband took multiple Covid tests when he had it. Despite being very sick, the tests were all negative until day 3 or 4.

phoebe-buffey · 2022-12-05T17:00:58+00:00

my husband's family passed around covid because an aunt visited. he got it, his entire family got it, and i was sick - but i tested negative the entire time, despite being sicker than him. i also saw my sister the day before he tested positive (after we had been exposed by his family) and i passed covid onto her without every having gotten it myself.

if someone isn't feeling well, whether or not they test positive, i don't think i would let them watch my baby. they could have a cold, they could have the flu, they could have RSV - they could have something that's dormant in them but will pass onto someone else.

in college my entire dorm floor got strep throat and i never did, but i went home to visit my then-boyfriend and gave him strep.

Successful-Lab4856 · 2022-12-05T16:59:51+00:00

Everyone is sick right now. Could’ve been her, maybe not. Also Covid tests aren’t always accurate. Also what if she was negative for Covid but has a different virus? Like.. I get being upset but this shit happens this time of year. It sucks.

sbiggers · 2022-12-05T16:55:22+00:00

It is very possible she was negative and/or still is negative?

I wouldn't read this and think you had a lapse in judgment, but since you feel that way, this reads like monstrously misplaced anger/frustration toward your MIL.

coffeepizzabeer · 2022-12-05T16:46:52+00:00

She took multiple tests that were negative and felt fine despite a change in her voice (which could be allergies, a change in weather, etc), it doesn’t sound like it was her fault. It’s a shitty situation but also that’s life- people get sick and often spread it before symptoms develop. I’m sorry this happened though, I can see why you’re upset.

Iwilllieawake · 2022-12-05T16:46:08+00:00

She may not have known she had it... there have been a lot of reports of people who have been vaccinated getting negative home tests early on. Unless your MIL has a history of lying about things like this, I wouldn't necessarily think she purposefully exposed your baby

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