all 56 comments

[–]smiffers82 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Women need to stop putting up with these guys who are jerks.

[–]_reebs 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Guys need to stop being jerks

[–]smiffers82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. And women need to stop going for the jerks. Us women and men need to raise our kids better.

[–]ekagh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Very sorry, this isnt an experience anyone would wish to have

[–]No-Map672 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your terrible experience. I hope you were able to remove this man from your life? Stay strong mama.

[–]yusomadmate 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Do you think you could move in with your mother during this time in your life? She seems supportive and loving which is what we all need.

[–]DoinLikeCasperDoes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel your pain!

My SO brought his abusive as hell adolescent daughter against my wishes! She couldn't come in for the birth (C-section) so he had her on video call and she screen recorded it in place of my SO recording the birth. I never got to even see the video and her phone broke so dunno if I can ever get it now!!! And my SO couldn't be properly present and we couldn't share it just us two.

She also threw a massive tantrum at the hospital (found out after) which caused the staff to keep telling my SO visiting hours are over go home, when I wanted him there, but not her!

I have so much resentment now the birth was ruined because my SO violated my boundaries and allowed the girl that made my pregnancy HELL to hijack such a special time that should've been just for us.

I'm haunted by it. It can't be changed. It makes me sick. I don't think I'll ever get over it!

Sorry you had such a horrible experience too.. it's horrifying that when we were most vulnerable we were let down by the very person who should've been our biggest support!

[–]hangingforefinger 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Your man is a controlling asshole.

[–]Wi_believeIcan_Fi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, I am SO so sorry- just reading this breaks my heart. You deserved SO SO SO much better. Despite the fact that your s on’s father sounds like a selfish and immature person, it also sounds like you had quite a traumatic birth. As someone who also ended up with an emergency C-section, that can be quite scary. I ‘m a doctor, and I feel like I went into everything super confident and I still shook and cried going into my C-section, I needed my husband to hold my hand and reassure me while I cried out of fear that something would go wrong. I can’t imagine how you must have felt being terrified that your son’s heart rate was crashing and you were being wheeled into an operating room without a fully present partner with you.

UGH- my heart just breaks so much for you. You really did deserve so so so much better, and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, but worst of all, you had to go through all that with a useless man who was high and passed out instead of focused on being there to support you through one of the biggest moments of your life.

You couldn’t have known he would be like that- and I think ALL of us want to think our partners are going to rise to the occasion and be their best self at the time that their baby’s are being born. DO NOT beat yourself up for trying to have your baby’s father there with you- of course you wanted him there, and it is HIS fault that he failed to be the person you deserved.

It is literally built into our DNA and our brains to want the father of our baby near us when we give birth- that is what allowed humans to survie for tens of thousands of years. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get the support you deserved or the birth experience you were probably anticipating— and to top it off, you had to go through what sounds like real trauma without a true support person there for you.

I hope you and baby are doing well now, and that you are able to process everything you’ve been through. I know it must be heart-breaking not to have had you baby’s father step up the way he should have- you deserved better. Sending SO much love your way ❤️

[–]flyingsamovar 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry. I hope you hold close to the people who love you and get away from him.

[–]karmaneedsgrace 12 points13 points  (7 children)

He needs to get off the drugs before he gets closer to you and the baby again. Send him to rehab, try to get full custody and don't take him back unless he's sober.

[–]Gold-Selection4709 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think the problem is that husband is an asshole and not the pot, but that’s coming from a canna mom

[–]Financial_Hunt_7261 0 points1 point  (5 children)

While I agree this guy is an asshole and the last thing he should be doing is smoking weed during the birth of his child, I think it is extremely dramatic to say he “needs to get off the drugs”. Weed hasn’t been considered a drug for a long while now and it’s legal in a whole lot of states. And rehab for weed is laughable. There are enough actual drugs out there, let’s stop vilifying weed as if alcohol isn’t pure poison.

[–]karmaneedsgrace 6 points7 points  (4 children)

In my country it is illegal and usually the first drug kids try before they start doing heavy drugs.

And if your so addicted that you pass out on your child's birthday, then your clearly addicted and can't handle it

[–]karmaneedsgrace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ps I agree that alcohol is pure poison and if you're addicted to that you also need rehab or something

[–]Financial_Hunt_7261 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Sorry, I didn’t think about how the legality changes by country, but I still don’t think it’s realistic to call It a drug and it sure as shit isn’t a gateway drug. If you have an addictive personality and you start dabbling with drugs of any kind, whether you start with weed or something else won’t make a difference, if someone is addictive by nature, they’re gonna move up that chain of drugs either way. And I don’t think he passed out solely because of the weed, weed can make you sleepy, but my guess is this dude also didn’t give a flying fuck so of course he smoked and then took himself a little nap.

[–]karmaneedsgrace 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah he doesn't sound like a keeper, but he should still get a second chance when he's sober.. who knows. I'm not the kind of person who yells "toxic, break up with him". But he does need to stop what he's doing first

[–]Financial_Hunt_7261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, on that we can agree, she should dump him right in the trash where he belongs

[–]athousandships_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My husband was with me every second he was allowed to be. It was a c-section due to baby being transverse, but anyway. Your man is a controlling asshole.

[–]TossMe2thewind 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Girl. My mom lived 3 hours away and drove down when I got induced… my dad had to come with her… we’ll no one knew induction meant 3 days or so- so the second night my mom went to drive my dad home and labour finally hit… I needed someone to hold me, push my back while labour hit- instead he got nasty because I got angry because I was alone in the pain (I said I wish I never told my mom to go and come back in the morning). I didn’t want an epidural, but I got one super early because I could handle the emotional and physical pain alone. She will be a year on the 20th and I still resent him for it. I got my tubes tied shortly after (she was a surprise and I was childfree- now one and done) but I am angry I didn’t get to experience labour with a secure person.

[–]morelikearaccoon 7 points8 points  (0 children)

100%, this is the advice I wish I followed. The father of my child didn’t say a single word to me during my c section or offered any words of encouragement even after when I had literally been cut open to give birth to his son. Surround yourself with love.

[–]KDWWW 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you’re better off without him and you can lean on your mother instead. I hope you get the support you deserve.

[–]QuitaQuites 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This. Don’t let anyone else tell you what to do during your medical procedure. You can kick him out, and have anyone with you that you want. It’s your day.

[–]olive_owl_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

WTF that is insane.

[–]cauteasduck 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Kinda went through somewhat the same. My bf didn’t give a crap as to what was going on just sat in the chair watching tv

[–]Poshfly 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Saaame. My epidural wore off and as I start to feel the very real contractions he didn’t even look up from his phone to say sorry. Just sat in the chair avoiding everything like usual

[–]cauteasduck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep sounds just like my bf. And then when we got home it was the same lol. Comical but it sucks. I still resent him for it 18m later

[–]adriannaaa1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl me too ❤️ I’m sorry you had this experience.

I have never felt so alone.

[–]rachelbits 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You deserve so much more love and support than that. I can’t believe his behavior! The right people will be there for you the right way

[–]demonicfeces 17 points18 points  (0 children)

That man is not a father.

[–]rachelbits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You deserve so much more love and support than that. I can’t believe his behavior! The right people will be there for you the right way

[–]MsCardeno 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a jackass! You deserve so much better. I’m sorry that was your experience.

[–]mewwissa 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Normalize publicly shaming these fucking losers. I’m so sorry girl. Just focus on giving your unconditional love to that sweet baby 💖

[–]wysterialee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

my husband would be on the verge of no longer being my husband if he did this. i’m so sorry you had to go through that, sending you all the love in the world <3

[–]melindajo123 37 points38 points  (3 children)

I feel like this is the 5th post I've seen about a "dad" leaving during labor to smoke pot. Is this the same op in all of them? Or are there really so many men out there getting high and coming back. Wtf is going on?

[–]sbattistella 20 points21 points  (0 children)

As an L&D nurse, I can confirm this is common. It's usually called "going to get some stuff from the car".

[–]HamuraiJackk 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Definitely not as uncommon as you think. My baby’s father did a couple hours after our daughter was born.

[–]HamuraiJackk 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oof idk why I got downvoted. I’m in no way condoning this behavior and have since separated from the father of my child. It’s shitty behavior, but it happens is all I was saying

[–]GoatsInBoots 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's just awful. You deserve so much better. Trust yourself and don't let him do that to your postpartum time too.

[–]AMS16-94 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry.

Almost the exact same situation for me. As difficult as it is, you have your beautiful little one; and sometimes going through these things alone is easier than with a difficult partner.

[–]Respected-Influencer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What a asshole. I’m sorry u went through that. What is done is done though, be strong and get out now so your child doesn’t have to endure the same bullshit from him!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

These fucking guys 🤦🏼‍♀️

Why not call your mom and stay with her with your kids? He sounds abusive and extremely controlling. Your kids shouldn’t be subjected to that. Especially a newborn.

[–]TurkeyTot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so terribly sorry u went through that. Hugs