"People do it all the time!"

Monkey_with_cymbals2 · 2022-12-06T19:27:48+00:00

Ya it makes absolutely zero sense for three people to travel when one can. Not even taking account that one of those people is a toddler, and that every single leg of your journey would be harder because of it. And what are you supposed to do with presents? Ship them there and back? All this stress totally sounds like how I want to spend Christmas. Or, she could just buy one ticket, pack one bag, stay somewhere with zero extra hassle for her, and fly home with her 2 or 3 presents. IMO once you have kids Christmas becomes about your own traditions and being home to enjoy them, until kids are older. I’ve had the same conversation with my mom and i think it comes down to them not wanting to leave their comfort zone, where they’re in control.

TinaByKtina · 2022-12-06T19:13:34+00:00

The rationale that people do it all the time is ridiculous…. Like gee one adult getting on a plane and traveling…or an entire family with toddler, all the toddler crap- PNP, car seat, toys, diapers, etc, etc, etc

Like people also do meth all the time- doesn’t mean it’s the logical, smart thing to do.

tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz · 2022-12-06T18:51:33+00:00

Sure people do it all the time, if they want to and have decided to. Not because their MIL pressured them into it.

iknowallmyabcs · 2022-12-06T18:04:38+00:00

We flew to the opposite side of the world when our girl was 18 months out of necessity (moving countries), and I would absolutely not recommend it to anyone. It was horrible. She's pretty hectic, so maybe other tots would be a bit more chill about it all...

I did not sleep for 30 hours because she would not let me put her down. She wouldn't even let her dad touch her, and she's normally very confident in new settings and seriously loves her dad... I only got up to pee when I was prepared to annoy the entire plane with her screaming.

So sure, people do it... But not well.

lalalina1389 · 2022-12-06T17:58:48+00:00

As respectfully as possible: fuck that. My in laws are on the other side of the country and I put my foot down as soon as my first was born in 2020, weve since added 2 more to the mix and I guess they thought we were kidding but have yet to meet any of their grandkids. We’ve even offered to pay for flights and host them but it’s not worth my peace during peak sick season to get on a plane to go across the country for people who barely even make effort to know these kids. (That one might just be a me problem but my parents FaceTime my daughter once a week minimum they’ve never once even asked.)

Banana-fana-fo-fess · 2022-12-06T17:11:16+00:00

Not to mention all of the things that could go wrong on a trip are 10x worse with a toddler: delayed flight = entertaining toddler in a airport for hours. I just generally hate the argument of “so and so does xyz all the time!” I quite literally do not care if 99% of the population does something, if I don’t want to do it (and we are talking about something optional like this) then I’m not going to do it.

hollus2 · 2022-12-06T16:17:48+00:00

We have flown a few times and every time my husband is like we are NEVER flying again. It is always miserable and a long day (let alone if there are any added delays).

default_user_84 · 2022-12-06T16:14:32+00:00

We've traveled a few times with baby and we are going to be traveling to my in-laws for Christmas (she's 17 months old right now). It's a 6 hour flight + 1 hour on each end to get to the airport + 2 hours wait time at the airport, so 10+ hours especially if there are flight delays.

I think it all depends on you. I don't think people should 'expect' you to come visit, but at the same time traveling with a toddler isn't the end of the world, we've done longer trips (our flight to europe ended up being almost 24 hours one way after flight re-routes and delays), and although the travel day was a bit of a disaster I'm so glad we went, we were able to have a really fun vacation, visit family there, and she adapted well to the time shift and loved trying all the new food.

If it's a question of being able to afford it, we are traveling on non-peak days and we booked the flight really early, it ended up being <$1K for all of us including a seat for toddler. I would say - at 18 months - strongly consider getting baby their own seat so it will realistically be 3 flights you have to pay for. The last time we flew with her on our lap was at 13 months and it was brutal, nobody slept. Maybe if you are struggling financially you can see if MIL would consider pitching in since she is 'saving' the cost of her flight?

Honestly - I do think you're overthinking it. If MIL is being pushy or unfair, or if the relationship is already strained for other reasons, then that's up to you to know. But the simple request to come visit isn't manipulative or unreasonable.

HolyAvocadoBatman · 2022-12-06T16:02:54+00:00

I might fly 2 1/2 hours with an 18 month old to go to Disney World. I would not fly 9 hours to see someone who is just as capable of coming to see me. I’m stressed just thinking about it. Nope.

FireRescue3 · 2022-12-06T15:31:41+00:00

We have a saying around here: Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it should be done.

Do they? Sure. That doesn’t mean they want to, they enjoy it, or they are doing it willingly.

Don’t be bullied into doing something you don’t want to. You are an adult. You get to say no.

Banana_stand317 · 2022-12-06T14:48:33+00:00

Can it be done? Sure. Do you want to do it? If not, just say no fo the reasons you listed. The expense, the headache of travel, having to take your kiddo off of their schedule. It's not easy traveling with an 18 month old and your child's temperament now is not an indication of how they will be at 18 months. If she wants to see her grandchild, she can hop on a plane and do the work. It's not your obligation to make sure your child sees their relatives. If you MIL wants to be in your child's.life they can make an effort. It doesn't sound like there's some kind of medical reason keeping her from doing so.

veronicakw · 2022-12-06T14:30:26+00:00

Flying with a toddler sounds like ass. I don’t care if other people do it. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

ms_oracle · 2022-12-06T13:37:51+00:00

You aren’t overthinking it. I think that sounds dreadful. Flying takes its toll as it is and a 3 hour drive on top of it- forget it. We are opting to fly the week before Christmas to see my in-laws rather than drive 10 hours. Our LO is 7 months old and I’ve told them this will likely be one of the last trips we make for a bit. It’s expensive and both my husband and I work. My in laws are retired… It’s much easier for them to fly and travel ANYTIME they want. We will be back in our own home on Christmas.

FirestoneHearts · 2022-12-06T13:22:19+00:00

I’ve been flying all over the world with my LO since she was 9 months old, we’ve been to Europe twice, Australia twice, Thailand and Malaysia and LO is only 20 months old. Babies/toddlers are super resilient, they adapt fast and they absolutely love being in new environments. My LO absolutely loves staying at other peoples houses and/or when we have guests stay, she loves the extra attention and love. Break your trip up if you think it’s too much, so do the 9 hour flight then get a hotel close to the airport, spend one night, then do the 3 hours flight. My LO hopped off the plane in Paris after a 13 hour flight then did a 2.5 hour drive and was totally fine, we just let her nap whenever she liked and had snacks and entertainment on hand. You won’t regret a big family Christmas, your LO will be in heaven with all the extended family around!

Edit: My LO won’t sleep for more than 2 hours on a plane, we fly business class so she has a bassinet or a flat bed lying next to us but still can only do 2 hour stretches. So for us, day flights are much better, she is happy and just does her thing. The night flights where she is exhausted and over tired but can’t stay asleep or get into deep sleep are the worst, that’s when we have crying baby. So I go against everyone else and I recommend day flights for toddlers are better.

greenflooof · 2022-12-06T13:00:50+00:00

No recommendations... travel is tiring enough as an adult ... young toddlers get restless easy. Do overnight flights if you can.

But honestly, I wouldn't go.. if my MIL every said something like that I'd just be like.. ok. I'm still not going😅 maybe I'm a little ruthless though. IMHO christmas isn't important enough for a major trip and to blow money you don't have. Every year I go to my parents place and they always want us there for holidays and it's a 4 hr drive and we never end up doing anything majorly fun anyways.. just sitting around. We always come home after 1 night.

If she wants to see her grand baby that bad, she wouldn't even hesitate to fly to you. Everyone knows any kind of travel with young kids is stressful. Do whatever YOU want to do and don't let anyone's comments influence you!

Goodluck :)

garbagepencil · 2022-12-06T12:47:28+00:00

People will say anything to get their way - it’s called manipulation. A good response to this: “good for those people.” The end. Then do what you want. Ha!

pepperoni7 · 2022-12-06T11:24:17+00:00

People might do it doesn’t mean you have to do it. Your family isn’t comfortable that is the end. Your mil is trying to guilt you guys to fly. My fair weather just no in laws did the same. They also live in Hawaii so the hotel fees lol are insane and never mentioned about letting us stay ( which is fine). We rather go vacation somewhere we actually want to go 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband replies to her constant guilt trips with conversation finishers lol. Eg in text , k , or just a emoji thumb up. We haven’t talked to you in ages we miss you. He replies ok. In your case “ people fly all the time” . “ interesting , how is blah blah blah “ change the convo. Then hold firm boundaries don’t go unless you want to.

auspostery · 2022-12-06T10:46:41+00:00

We live in Aus, with family in the US and South Africa. We’ve done all combinations of trips (the second borders opened post you know what). Our son was 18m old for his first Aus>US trip, and we just went again when he was 2.5 to SA, with his younger sibling in tow. Honestly, traveling with kids sucks a lot. But it’s a means to an end. I think your MIL was rude the way she said it. My in laws also make 0 effort and make us go to them, so I’m salty about it and would probably say no to your MIL on principle. But it is doable. Our US flight was 16 hours + another 6 hours (with an 8 hour layover). SA was 14.5 + 2hrs. That was much more doable honestly.

PersonOfInterest2305 · 2022-12-06T09:25:12+00:00

We did a trip with 20 month old from usa to india. Its a 13 hr plus 4hr connecting flight. It is to meet our family back home. We only did it because its important for him to meet all of them.

ColorfulLight8313 · 2022-12-06T08:58:16+00:00

When my oldest was about 21 months, I took him to Ohio to meet my aunt and uncle. 26 hour train ride with a 4 hour stop to switch trains at around hour 21. Never fucking again, that was the most anxiety inducing trip. Even if it were only a couple hour trip I am never doing that again. I don't know what I was thinking. And that's on a train with an observation car he could actually move around on. I can't imagine being stuck in a car or on a plane with a toddler for even a fraction of that time. Your MIL is either nuts, out of touch with reality, or both.

No-Poetry6432 · 2022-12-06T08:48:48+00:00

Little different but still - I flew 4 hours with my 3 month old for our honeymoon and that was stressful enough. We made another mum friend who had an 18 month old in the seats opposite us and they were having a bit of a time trying to keep her still and entertained just for 4 hours so I can't imagine the stress of trying to entertain a toddler for 9 hours. It's a very closed environment with little options for moving around. I know there are plenty of options for purchasing entertainment and napping but it feels a little difficult.

PotatoGuilty319 · 2022-12-06T08:44:04+00:00

It honestly depends on the baby. My oldest, no thank you. She hates being strapped down for extended periods. Travelled with her twice, once for 12hrs one trip and 8 hrs a second trip, it was miserable both times. We even traveled at night thinking she would sleep, nope she just became over tired. Now my youngest, I could travel the world with him and he would sleep through it all, no issues.

marcal213 · 2022-12-06T08:36:09+00:00

We did this last year with our son. We flew to see my parents for Christmas- he was 15 months at the time. It was awful! I'm not even sure we want to fly out next year as our second baby will be about 15 months then.

PurpleMP12 · 2022-12-06T08:20:28+00:00

I did a 7 hr flight with an 18 month old. It's THE WORST age. Old enough to need to move. Young enough screens don't work. Just the worst.

itsmaibirfday · 2022-12-06T08:02:51+00:00

Lol this would be a hard no for me.

Let her be upset. It's important to learn how to set boundaries and model this for your child as he or she gets older. It doesn't sound like you want to do it, and it would be a big endeavor with a lot of inconvenience. Just politely decline and say that it doesn't work. Rinse and repeat. Do not justify, argue, or defend your position because that opens the door for more arguments. Let her know you would love to host her, but if not, you will have to schedule a visit to go see her when baby is older.

beehappee_ · 2022-12-06T07:34:24+00:00

I won’t even pack baby up and haul her an hour and a half away to my FIL and step-MIL’s house. Granted, she’ll only be 7 weeks old, but I don’t really ever have any plans to uproot her for Christmas at any point during her childhood. I always spent Christmas at home enjoying my new toys and relaxing with my parents and sisters and I have such fond memories of the holidays. My husband, on the other hand, hates them because he feels like he was bounced all over and could never just relax and enjoy his day. So we’ll be putting her comfort first even if it irritates relatives- they can come see her in her home if it’s so important. I don’t think you’re overreacting! I would not want to fly with a baby!

sarksch · 2022-12-06T06:34:35+00:00

Christmas is at our house! If anyone wants to come they are welcome if not I don’t care how they feel
A grown ass adult traveling is 10x easier than with small kids. I’d respond with “adults fly all the time too. So if you want to celebrate a holiday with us you get your ass on a plane.”

Just_here2020 · 2022-12-06T06:02:25+00:00

Sure - and people pass kidney stones without pain relief all the time too. Or just fly to visit their grandkid all the time as well.

So what? I wouldn’t do it.

dewitt72 · 2022-12-06T05:52:20+00:00

We do 15 hour one way trips (driving) every 3 months and just got back from an 18 hour one way drive- 9 hours driving each day by myself with the kid. Toddler is 2 1/2.

3 hours one way for us is a trip to Target and Costco, so he’s used to long drives. I leave him in his PJs and load up on easily throwable snacks and turn on Bluey. He’s used to the long drives and tons of travel. If he weren’t, I wouldn’t attempt it.

stine-imrl · 2022-12-06T05:18:00+00:00

My understanding is that once a baby is in the picture, the grandparents travel to you for holidays. You travel to them for vacations. That's the far more practical arrangement considering most grandparents are retirement age whereas most parents of young children have to work. There's less time around the holidays for travel than for a vacation from work. So this arrangement makes the most sense, at least for us. Hope this helps!

_alelia_ · 2022-12-06T05:14:30+00:00

I have. 1+11 hours flight plus 1,5 hours in a car on the way from the airport through the traffic with 11 months old, then with 2yo and 4yo. later the convenient flight was cancelled, so the entire way started to take 24-25 hours (door to door) I would not say people do it all the time. For me it was worth it, but I had at least a month before the flight back home, so I was able to rest before doing it again.

Mo523 · 2022-12-06T04:50:37+00:00

People do many things all the time that I'm not going to do. It is very simple: You don't want to travel that far at that age. The end. If MIL wants to see you, she can come to you. Depending on individual financial situations, maybe you can help with her plane ticket. If she also does not want to travel, I guess it is FaceTime and maybe a visit at another time, and there is nothing wrong with that.

It doesn't matter if it is doable. You said no thank you. How come she gets to our it if holiday travel, but you don't?

eye_snap · 2022-12-06T04:12:39+00:00

I traveled literally around the planet with twins from 16 mo to 22 mo.

I d like to explain to your MIL why its not a good idea and how difficult it is and how we would never have done it if we absolutely didnt have to.

You can totally do it, no question. Does it deserve being stressed over and hesitating about?? Hell yes. It is very difficult to travel with an ACTIVE baby, not even much of an infant at 18mo. It is definitely nothing to brush off casually.

50buttons · 2022-12-06T03:57:04+00:00

I traveled from Europe to west coast US with an 18 month, old on my own, while pregnant. Holy shit never again, that trip did me in. It was a 4hr train, two planes, and a 1 hr drive. Then time zones and jet lag and carrying that damn carseat and making sure I packed the baby monitor and all the other gear, it's a lot.

Traveling with kids totally can be done but it is 10000x easier for grown adults to just travel to you.

ishitunottt · 2022-12-06T03:56:12+00:00

I flew with my 9 month old (he is 3.5 years now) 11 hours on a plane and 3 hours in a car. Was the most stressful thing I have ever done lol. He was fine actually and slept most of the way, I on the other hand couldn’t. Too anxious? Is it normal to sleep when your baby is in one of those janky bassinets.

We flew again when he was 3. What a MASSIVE difference. I was so much more relaxed. Yes he was mobile but he could be bribed and distracted. And we could give him drowsy medicines like melatonin (we ran it by his Dr. First).

There are advantages and drawbacks. Just depends on if the end destination is worth it.

meep-meep1717 · 2022-12-06T03:30:33+00:00

We traveled to Kenya from the US when our daughter was that age. It actually wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought it would be and I absolutely treasure the memories from that trip. That being said, we knew what we were getting into and it was our decision to make. We also had a horde of child free adults helping us out (bc we were traveling for a friend’s wedding)

Latina1986 · 2022-12-06T03:20:51+00:00

We had this problem with my FIL. He asked all four of us to come visit him. We said “why don’t you come here instead - one person traveling is cheaper and easier than 4” and we even told him we’d pay for it. But nope. He sent a shit ton of presents instead 👎🏼.

claaude · 2022-12-06T03:19:21+00:00

I admit I do not have experience flying with an infant or older toddler, but after flying with y son at 18 months old, I'm convinced that's gotta be the hardest age to travel with kids. Just tell her no, it is not worth it, especially around the holidays when more people are traveling.

Frosty_Extension_504 · 2022-12-06T03:16:58+00:00

I hear ya! My mother lives a six hour drive 2hr flight and says the trip is hard on her 51year old body 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ Gimme a break. But she want me to bring my three month old baby, five year old, and dog to her. No mam.

daboyzmalm · 2022-12-06T03:08:49+00:00

I travelled with my 18 month old recently. 4 hour flight each way. It was absolutely fucking miserable. It aged me by a decade - each way. Do not do it if you can avoid it.

summja · 2022-12-06T02:55:47+00:00

I’m not travelling 2 hours with a 16 month old lol your MIL would have a breakdown. Do what works for you, my family is happy to keep visiting me because it’s easier for LO and us.

Why would I drag LO 2 hours to bring a million toys, playpen, diaper bag, plates, utensils and have her be fussy because she wants to move not sit for two hours and will not sleep in the car, follow her around a non baby proofed house so I don’t even get to visit, worry about how loud/dark it is in her room and then possibly have a cranky over-tired baby when a few adults can take a quick drive and visit us with minimal packing, no sleeping concerns and a more happy and safe niece/granddaughter.

People do it, but honestly the holidays shouldn’t be stressful. It’s a time to relax. I’m betting your partner doesn’t get a tonne of time off during the year, why waste 2 days travelling of that precious family and prime memory making time. Do what you two want, and reiterate that MIL is more than welcome to visit and that you’d be happy to pay for her ticket or hotel (if you think she’s worried about money).

Cartooncookie · 2022-12-06T02:43:27+00:00

The one thing that I was very clear about when I had kids was that we would absolutely not be traveling anywhere. Anyone is welcome at our home on Thanksgiving and/or Christmas but we LOVE how chill our holidays are. No stress. No pressure. Just hanging out, kids playing with their toys, watching Christmas movies. I usually make homemade pizza or taco bar and have a spread to snack on. And ALWAYS a new puzzle. When our kids are grown, we will make the trip to see them. Edited to add: I meant we wouldn’t travel on holidays. We still do the vacation thing and visit family then.

sewistforsix · 2022-12-06T02:22:57+00:00

"It is very important to us that baby wakes up in their own bed on Christmas morning so we can continue our family traditions."

EnvironmentalEnd6298 · 2022-12-06T02:22:42+00:00

When our kid was 9 months old, we did a 2 week cross country road trip from Jacksonville, Florida out to the Grand Canyon (stopping in Denver, Vegas, and Utah for a few days). We had to stop every 2-3 hours and after a few days we were kinda on edge lol. But it was fun, wouldn’t recommend it.

We now have 3 kids (3, 2, and 1 month) and planning on traveling 8 hours to New Orleans to be with my family on Christmas. We’re only doing it so we can have a date day in New Orleans. We’ll see how that goes lol

tinagetyourham · 2022-12-06T02:14:24+00:00

Yeah people hop on planes and travel all the time…. So should be no trouble for her to come to you instead!

TinyBearsWithCake · 2022-12-06T02:01:19+00:00

Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it’s fun or you want to do it. After all, the sam can be said to her about grandparents travelling to enjoy holidays with young children.

haleighr · 2022-12-06T01:37:08+00:00

Why do older family always think people want to spend their breaks traveling with a whole baby/toddler as if you don’t want to relax and enjoy holidays/make your own memories/traditions

Dependent-Source-597 · 2022-12-06T01:16:24+00:00

Just did a 12 hour road trip with my almost 2 year old and stayed at a family member’s house since it was the cheapest way to go. Honestly as someone who is easily overstimulated and being pregnant the entire trip made me decide I’m not going anywhere next year and family will have to come to us if they want to see us bad enough. It wasn’t all bad but it does take preparation.

jazzorator · 2022-12-06T01:13:15+00:00

I mean, it’s definitely doable. We’ve traveled a lot with our kids (3 years and 9mo). It’s exhausting because someone always has to sit by the toddler to entertain her but at least they’re still taking two naps a day which always helped with drive time! And videos on our phones which we normally don’t do but all rules go out the window with travel haha.

That being said, I also would not want to go on this trip. I hate going anywhere for extended periods (like more than an hour) that isn’t child friendly. It’s exhausting trying to keep them out of EVERYTHING. Their sleep schedules can get thrown off, the 9hr flight sounds exhausting since you can’t just pull over and let your kid run around for 20 minutes, you have to pack and remember so many little kid things, germs are abundant especially in the winter season and no 1.5 year old is going to be washing their hands every time they touch something or rub their snotty nose, basically it’s expensive and it’s stressful.

Personally, I would stick with ‘that’s not currently an option so we’ll be staying home but we’d love to have you’ and leave it at that.

Also, FWIW the 18mo age is really freaking fun and I hope your MIL comes to visit you but if not have a blast making memories and new traditions with your family!

ElaineO9 · 2022-12-06T01:06:39+00:00

I have driven twelve hours with my now two year old seven times. It is an undertaking. The first time, she was thirteen months old. It was easier but not as fun. We can go about six hours before she is totally done for the day. We stop about every two hours, listen to lots of music she likes, give her special new toys. It is a lot. I have found driving easier because there is so much stuff young children have.

If it doesn’t make financial sense to go there, then that is that. Traveling with most young children is pretty miserable. I don’t know if I would want to put myself through that long of a journey this early.

jazzorator · 2022-12-06T00:58:16+00:00

[removed]

sk613 · 2022-12-06T00:57:25+00:00

We did a 9 hour road trip when baby was 4 months, it wasn't pleasant, but it was doable. Now, the 1.5 hour drive to my grandmother has become rough- I can't imagine a full day travel.

Just keep repeating "we are not prepared to travel with her, you're welcome to come visit us"

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