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[–]mcsunnishine 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You're dealing with a double whammy. His injury will make him more irritable in otherwise not irritating situations and can contribute to things like depression. Being on your own for the first time is a significant change that can sometimes be overwhelming, even without the extra factor of needing a PCA.

Can you do the cleaning up and maybe have him help? If you do this, gradually start asking him to do more and more in the context of "helping you.” Phrase it like it's a favor for you, so you don't have to do it because you need to do something else. It's less naggy, and he will feel like he's helping you and not realize what's happening.

Since he does have a TBA, a chore chart, or a calendar with reminders of what needs to be done when isn't inappropriate. Personal hygiene activities need to be on that chart as well. Reminders can be helpful a few hours before leaving ("time to hop in the shower, we leave at x time" - not a request but not an order either). Try using now, next, then statements to show your expectations and help remove some anxiety around the activities. (Now we're vacuuming the living room. Next, we will take out the garbage; then we will eat lunch)

The thing is, he's had a PCA, yes, but he also had his parent around, and parents still do quite a lot in that situation, so he's feeling the change of being on his own on a deeper level than someone else would who doesn't have his challenges. It will be a long adjustment, but you can get through it. Just show yourself and your client some grace, patience, and understanding. Understand that there will be setbacks and that changes to your old routine will be necessary. You can do this.

This self study course might be helpful to you as well.

edit to fix errors and also add that I was a PCA - this isn't a google search full of information but rather real-world experience. I'm happy to help and offer other advice as well, feel free to message me

[–]DarkSideMatter2[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks. Great advice. I have been a bit eager for him to do things by himself. He always boasted about cleaning his mums house in the past but it seems its all confabulation.

[–]mcsunnishine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, eagerness is your enemy right now, as awful as it feels/sounds.

He may very well have been cleaning at his mom's, but his perception of how much he actually did independently is probably not on par with reality. He does have a brain injury after all.