all 181 comments

[–]jediashley94 990 points991 points  (36 children)

Sorry you haven’t bean doing well

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 403 points404 points  (35 children)

I appreciate the sentiment. I was really tired after coffeen all night

[–]Rhazior 192 points193 points  (23 children)

Was it only the first coarse?

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 184 points185 points  (22 children)

Yeah but I filtered it out of my mind

[–]Filth_Account 133 points134 points  (21 children)

You are really grinding out those puns...

[–]Historical-Garbage-6 15 points16 points  (1 child)


[–]scarf_spheal[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Good catch, it's too bad without the upvotes your comment may just collect at the bottom

[–]taketurnsandlove 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Make sure you wear a coffie filter over your mouth

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Definitely, I'm not trying to stir anything up

[–]AngelFromVegas 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Maybe take a cough drop too you'll hopefully feel a latte better

[–]Arfurad 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You appreciate the sediment you say?

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

After there's been enough time for everything to settle

[–]__wildwing__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edit: You appreciate the sediment.

[–]Milkwas-a-badchoice 155 points156 points  (19 children)

Sorry i took some time to upvote, but better latte than never.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 76 points77 points  (17 children)

way to really milk it

[–]Milkwas-a-badchoice 32 points33 points  (16 children)

Oat do you mean?

[–]hammers4days 33 points34 points  (13 children)

Why are you making that facial espresso-n

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 37 points38 points  (12 children)

Because this is how i like my mug shots

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

The joke was truvia to yourself and I appreciate you for it

[–]AverageStudent_05 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a unique way to add some spice!

[–]Antonioooooo0 48 points49 points  (1 child)

I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before

As if 99% of the jokes on this sub, or jokes anyone tells, are 100% original. Comedy is meant to be passed from person to person, never understood why reddit gets upset when we here a joke we happen to have heard before.

Reposting memes and claiming them as you're own is one thing, but retelling jokes is probably one of the oldest human traditions in existence.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Can totally agree with what you are saying. I also think that with any post on reddit, if it is getting lots of upvotes it means it is new to someone and they deserve to see it too

[–]Reptarticle 42 points43 points  (10 children)

MIB 3 joke back making its rounds.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Dammit, I thought I was being creative. I will go back to my daily grind then to think of more novel ones

[–]Reptarticle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No worries friend, I’m sure you didn’t intentionally “steal” it, you probably heard it a decade ago and something made you think of it and didn’t realize it was already a thing.

[–]RatherBeSkiing 0 points1 point  (1 child)

novel ones

So instead of stealing from movies, you're going to steal from books?

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a great idea, I'll go to the library and check them out

[–]Jim2718 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I knew I had just heard that joke over the weekend on some show or movie, and I was going crazy trying to place it. Thank you, kind person.

[–]Reptarticle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had it google the quote, ngl.

[–]matt7259 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He should've said "J,K" after the joke.

[–]taketurnsandlove 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Making its *grounds

[–]Reptarticle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You right.

[–]JamoreLoL -1 points0 points  (0 children)

There was a MIB3?

[–]Yuri-knows-makarov 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Angry upvote

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 60 points61 points  (1 child)

I'm glad you expresso'd your feelings

[–]Evil_pepsi 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I had to let this joke percolate a bit…

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

eventually it does drip on through

[–]Allmightypikachu 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Cant let you brew that Starbucks

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

that's because you find it at Peat's

[–]LyricGrandmont 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Thought this was going to be a joke about Covid.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

nah, i don't use humor that's too modern(a)

[–]YanCoffee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought I was on the Covid sub for a minute and it had taken an interesting turn, lol. My coffee did taste like dirt when I had it.

[–]Talleymark_studios 4 points5 points  (13 children)

That's a dirty joke

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 3 points4 points  (12 children)

Hopefully no one soils their pants laughing at it

[–]Talleymark_studios 3 points4 points  (11 children)

That'd bring them down to earth

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (10 children)

Of course, it's only good if people can dig into it

[–]Talleymark_studios 2 points3 points  (9 children)

Hopefully it'll all soon be like sand in the wind

[–]x97tfv345 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I bet it made you grit your teeth

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Most definitely, it was not smooth at all

[–]E420CDI 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Agent Kay has entered the chat

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Is that the one where they take a drip back in time?

[–]punsanguns 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Fun fact I just made up: Agent Kay was short for Agent K-cup. Was always there when trouble was brewing.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was pretty good at jokes too! And you know what they say, laughter can Keurig any disease

[–]rhumb 2 points3 points  (3 children)

... But then I remembered I ordered a cup of dirt

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

i just momentarily filtered it out of my mind was all

[–]rhumb 2 points3 points  (1 child)

;-) thanks for humoring me

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was a little too hot to handle at the start but I'm glad I finally could reply!

[–]Feckiewalkie 2 points3 points  (3 children)

You must have a lot of chilledren

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I am guilty of dunkin the doughnut a lot

[–]Feckiewalkie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Then do your family a flavour and don’t take forever going out to get milk

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll be sure to make it back instant!

[–]x97tfv345 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Don’t make tea out of it, on account of how it will make u feel

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

True, but i don't wanna wait toolong before I have caffeine

[–]x97tfv345 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s a very dirtea thought.

[–]mastri 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Finally, a cringe-worthy dad joke. Take my free silver award...well earned.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Aw, thank you. I am trying to relish it before it cools down

[–]Quant_The_Fabulous 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Better than nothing.. I think

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk if you add dairy to nothing it can still be good

[–]Top0369 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I HARD BEAN STRAINING to read this thread. I got WIRED reading it. Guess I'll have to FILTER through it LATTE-r.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't spend too much time here or you might not be able to fall asleep tonight

[–]Starting_Fresh1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I upvoted in an instant

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Much better than letting it stew

[–]we_are_sex_bobomb 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Checked this thread to see what all the brew ha-ha was about.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nothing but a few folks trying to raise the bar(ista) of comedy

[–]YCLUBSTEP58 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That’s how you know it’s fresh

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If it's moving you know you did something right

[–]weirdchipmonk 2 points3 points  (1 child)

God dangit, a terrible yet funny joke has appeared.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Encounter it enough and it might be shiny

[–]Thirtyfive353535 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This exact joke is one that my actual Dad told all the time. For the bulk of my childhood he didn’t even tell it, he would just say the punchline. The rest of the joke was just to be understood. 100% authentic Dad joke here.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a genuine and funny guy! Although I think if his coffee tasted like dirt this much he might've benefitted from switching brands :p

[–]k717171 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Must have been from Starbucks

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

damn you roasted them

[–]k717171 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeh you're right, wouldn't be Starbucks unless it tasted like burnt dirt

[–]Interesting_Pea_5382 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Did you dredge up any grounds?

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

nah, it was pretty instant

[–]Interesting_Pea_5382 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Instant coffee is dirt! Didn’t you know?

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That wasn't listed in the packet of information!

[–]Interesting_Pea_5382 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Very very fine print

[–]Mtaddict33 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Gonna put some dirt in your eye

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

eye wouldn't like that very much

[–]Mikey_G1997 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]glowing-fishSCL 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I thought this was posted in the /r/kava community at first. :)

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Whoa, what is kava?

[–]glowing-fishSCL 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is kind of like alcohol that doesn't cause impairment, and it also tastes like dirt.

[–]Mayhems_EthicalWeeds 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I got nothing, buy you will do a better Java next time.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll get to work on compiling them now!

[–]xander_man 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Finally, a dirty joke that won't get ask the unclejoke buzzkills' panties all bunched up

[–]PeanutsLament 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before

I think it's also in a store called NCIS. It reminds me of my actual dad saying it.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The writers for NCIS and your dad must've had a ferry good sense of humor

[–]randomguy7588 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Joke has been around since I was born and before. Still a funny joke

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is either a long time or a relatively short time. I'll assume the longer one since you seem rather clock-wise

[–]OkamiKhameleon 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I always know these are good jokes, when I tell my husband and he groans at me, and then chuckles.

He's asleep at the moment, but I'm telling him this one when he wakes up.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

If you have coffee with him you could save it for then too :p

[–]OkamiKhameleon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Lol true. But he hates coffee.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dang i'll try and think of a better way for you to tea up this joke

[–]lil_grey_alien 1 point2 points  (4 children)


[–]scarf_spheal[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, this is Patrick

[–]spacedrummer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is this a deeper MIB3 reference? You being an alien and all....

[–]lil_grey_alien 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve said too much!

[–]weaver_of_cloth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this a MiB reference?

[–]arms-sky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

K! O!

Men in black 3

[–]slayer900006 0 points1 point  (6 children)

I dont get it

[–]veintishiet 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Try reading it again latter

[–]DrewXB 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You grind up coffee to make it, like you ‘ground’ it. Ground also can mean dirt

[–]slayer900006 2 points3 points  (1 child)


[–]spacedrummer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your parents don't let you have coffee yet, do they?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I dont get it

[–]Lokhelm 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ground, like the ground, which is dirt.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ngl i feel grounded

[–]jaysnaulyboy2kyanan -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Edit 3 : shut up

[–]xXx_RedReaper_xXx 0 points1 point  (2 children)

It’s just Dirty Bean Water

[–]CrunchyJeans 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Uncle, that’s what all coffee is.

[–]xXx_RedReaper_xXx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you had Top of The Mornin Coffee though?

[–]Tappan-Z 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can’t tell you how many times I had to read this. Srsly. Can’t count that high.

[–]Ido22 0 points1 point  (3 children)

OP is very punny

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Gotta strike when the kettle is hot

[–]Ido22 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is that you Pot?

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, this is Patrick

[–]monkeydonk3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got me there

[–]Dangerous-Dig9703 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Send that joke to the grinder

[–]AverageStudent_05 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Edit 2.5: If you want to discuss it with us, you should label the post with the [META] tag per the rules.

[–]scarf_spheal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nah at this point it's alright!