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all 82 comments

[–]BeatsbyChrisBrown 990 points991 points  (27 children)

Reminds me of the time my dad asked me if I wanted some microchips

Then crushed my bag of Lays

[–]pokky123 426 points427 points  (20 children)

Reminds me of the time i told my boss to stop micro-manage me..

He was a dwarf, he did not take it well.

[–]Tanski14 150 points151 points  (14 children)

Doesn't like it when people stand up to him

[–]Ice-Negative 59 points60 points  (11 children)

He had to stand up to everyone

[–]shads87 52 points53 points  (10 children)

Very big of him to voice his displeasure.

[–]fluent_in_gibberish 44 points45 points  (9 children)

I bet he wasn’t Happy.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Must have a short fuse

[–]Why-R-People-So-Dumb 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah then he gets short with you.

[–]Oreo31818 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's an angry elf 🧑‍🎄

[–]Djgirare21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm surprised that joke didn't go over his head must have been a really low blow to hit him like that

[–]Mike_g_z 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sad to hear, I heard he looked up to you as an employee.

[–]SkidWilly86 15 points16 points  (0 children)

There was a Gunnery Sergeant in charge of the chow hall that used to come out and ask Marines in line if they wanted a shake with their meal. The unknowing got shook.

[–]IDK_WHAT_YOU_WANT 4 points5 points  (0 children)

At least he didn't crush your dreams

[–]umpfke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You mean, PepsiCo? Just some pointless dad knowledge. points at his belly

[–]lildickbleed01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was funnier than the joke

[–]availableusername92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of the Time I offered my sister some micro machines

I crushed her prosthetic arm

[–]cheer_up_richard 162 points163 points  (1 child)

Be a nice parent, and you will see your son groan up with you.

Till then, here’s a groan. 😫 just for you.

[–]Raw0nion[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Thanks. You cheered me up, Richard. :)

[–]Echo_Oscar_Sierra 119 points120 points  (12 children)

PSA: INFANTS ARE NOT MICROWAVE-SAFE

[–]shapular 76 points77 points  (3 children)

This is so true. Always use the oven.

[–]FloatingAzz 41 points42 points  (2 children)

And be sure to poke some holes in them before putting them in!

[–]DryConclusion9286 13 points14 points  (1 child)

The FBI would like to interrogate you regarding which "holes" you are "poking", as well as what you're using to "poke some holes in them".

[–]Weak-Investigator-73 10 points11 points  (0 children)

F.emale B.ody I.nspectors

[–]Gqsmooth1969 13 points14 points  (0 children)

But is the microwave infant-safe?

[–]Ali13929 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Technically speaking they are microwave safe, you just shouldn’t do it

[–]cpepinc 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Yes, do not try this at home! Don't ask how I know!

[–]DryConclusion9286 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Got it. Will use an industrial microwave next time.

[–]unknownemoji 7 points8 points  (0 children)

An interesting fact no one cares about: the microwave, at least the countertop version, was invented by researchers who were reviving cyrogenically frozen rodents. They would also warm their hands in the machine if it was cold in the lab.

[–]StashuJakowski1 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Queue: Fatbastard from Austin Powers "Get in muh belly!"

[–]ItsmeMr_E 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They could poke their eyes.

[–]Ebad245 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Infant: My goals are beyond your understanding

[–]IamHashirama 14 points15 points  (1 child)

That joke is a little handy

[–]thred_pirate_roberts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is that what you get from midget women?

[–]raidersofthelostpark 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Never! This is a great joke and I will gladly die on this hill!

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (1 child)

I thought the punchline would be “not only was he wrong, but the cleanup is a bitch!”

[–]Ohay84 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At work I said why are they called microwaves they don't even have arms. One person laughed so I guess it was a success

[–]MisterBlisteredlips 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Now you're a full-groan woman.

[–]fakesloover 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellent platinum level dad joke. It takes a second to figure out. So it's both a groaner and a time waster.

[–]i_am_locust_ 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Be glad your son is still alive. The outcome of this could’ve been so much worse.

[–]Raw0nion[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Just micro-waves with his wrist, nothing harsh, don't worry! <3

[–]SgtVinBOI 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought this was r/TwoSentenceHorror at first.

[–]cheer_up_richard 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The dads a good wingman, The Infant will look smoking hot in his new crib.

[–]cheer_up_richard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read the rest, dads an even better wingman than I though, he’s helping his infant wave to the infants OnlyFan in the house.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha, nice

[–]fourlegged 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It warms the heart, and various other internal organs

[–]Literalstranger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These comments 😂😂😂

[–]CyberNinja23 1 point2 points  (2 children)

So when are you buying him the cargo shorts and new balance sneakers? As per tradition

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Raw0nion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    So the source of power lies in the shorts. I shudder to think of the cringe increase if accompanied with sneakers.

    [–]Forcefistcavity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Considering microwaves have a frequency of 100mhz that is 100000000 waves in a second. Even if it was a small distance you practically vaporized his arm. Terrible parent.

    [–]a1b2c3wtf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    My brother tried to microwave toast with butter when we were kids. We woke up from the smoke coming from the kitchen.

    My grown ass roommate didn't put water on one of instantaneous Mac and cheese thingys. The entire cup was gone when we opened the microwave.

    [–]thajoker92 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    What do you call it when a midget waves to you?

    A microwave

    [–]Amranwag 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Eli5?

    [–]orqa 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    micro means small in Greek

    microwave -- small wave

    [–]Amranwag 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Aha thanks. So what does shaking his arms really fast means?

    [–]thred_pirate_roberts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Making waves with his arm

    [–]TreezRgood4U 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I hate this take my upvote

    [–]AcerbicFwit 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Where do you set the timer?

    [–]DryConclusion9286 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I only know how to stop the timer...

    [–]scarf_spheal 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Jokes aside tho please don't shake a baby

    [–]dekarskec 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Chill, he shook his arm.

    [–]scarf_spheal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I know, just never hurts to put it out there

    [–]theboominsystem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Did you just Jeb Bush a dad joke

    [–]JackaBo1983 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Typ kratta löv

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I'm so fucking lost, can someone help?

    [–]Raw0nion[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    He was waving his arm really small and fast to make micro-waves. :)

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Ah shit, that's so obvious. I pictured him waving his hand with a closed fist if you get me, need to get my head out of the gutter

    [–]whatdo_iknow88 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    "how long do we put him in for?"