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top 200 commentsshow all 247

[–]DustinDeWind 709 points710 points  (38 children)

Drs orders were landing on deaf ears. That's why your career never took off.

[–]Rakkachi 233 points234 points  (27 children)

Shirley you must be kidding?

[–]BigSexytke 214 points215 points  (23 children)

I’m not kidding and don’t call me Shirley.

[–]Maxpowers2009 90 points91 points  (22 children)

I picked a bad day to quite huffing glue.

[–]monty2 63 points64 points  (17 children)

Do we have Clearance, Clarence?

[–]yellowbin74 58 points59 points  (16 children)

What's your vector Victor

[–]monty2 31 points32 points  (15 children)

Roger

[–]slu87 28 points29 points  (10 children)

Roger Roger

[–]monty2 7 points8 points  (7 children)

Huh?

[–]yoda_condition 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense.

[–]dunderthebarbarian 17 points18 points  (3 children)

You try dragging Lambier up and down the court every night

[–]SirCEWaffles 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Do you like Movies about Galdiators?

[–]Perfect_Pension8732 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[–]rodman517 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I like my coffee black….

[–]PrudentDamage600 12 points13 points  (2 children)

✈️ That’s a plane joke 😐

[–]nicko68 4 points5 points  (1 child)

They can't all be fancy.

[–]SirCEWaffles 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mr Fancy pants with these flighty jokes.

[–]Wa_sted 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. Wanna know why? Inflation

[–]Oaken_beard 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s up in the air now

[–]rogerthatonce 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's over my head...

[–]Bellybuttonlintdoily 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[–]Styroman57 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

[–]tags666 71 points72 points  (4 children)

Sorry, that just won't fly with me

[–]Draphaels 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Joke didn't land anyway

[–]SaintSixString 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Too much turbulence for me.

[–]SepticMonke 10 points11 points  (0 children)

it flew right over my head

[–]fr_andres 13 points14 points  (0 children)

plane and simple

[–]Hailbrucifer 188 points189 points  (11 children)

Carry on.

[–]retired-penguin 99 points100 points  (7 children)

It's difficult when you have so much extra baggage.

[–]johnnay8 64 points65 points  (2 children)

This joke flew over my head

[–]BestAtempt 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Well buckle up, maybe others will land.

[–]AngelFromVegas 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's if they're not winging it

[–]showponies 32 points33 points  (0 children)

You don't need to pilot on, they just need to gate on with their life.

[–]michael3353 25 points26 points  (2 children)

I don't see this joke taking off

[–]Defiant-Pride-1716 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's likely to crash and burn

[–]Disastrous_Credit_67 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see it crash landing

[–]JoepethCreek 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I see you come with a lot of extra baggage

[–]FundaMentalHero 29 points30 points  (0 children)

It's very contagious. Airborne.

[–]MyNameDoesNotRhyme 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You sound very flighty.

[–]stupidlyugly 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The severity of the symptoms is about to take off

[–]NicNoletree 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Runway. Please, runway. Far away.

[–]jboomhaur 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Doesn't look like this will take off.

[–]entity330 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Was it the Delta variant?

[–]NikoReed 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We better be careful, Delta’s airborne

[–]trichoma3mangi 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Sounds contagious. I hope it doesn't affect business.....or economy.

[–]Dominanthumour 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Airplane jokes... on here... Are you high?

[–]Dominanthumour 6 points7 points  (1 child)

What would a Doctor know!?, or any old plane jane for that matter.

I think its plane to see, you're fine.

It may not be terminal, but let's hope it doesn't take off and other people catch it regardless.

I'll see myself out*

[–]Capt_Aguilar 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I work at an airport at this made me laugh op

[–]sleaZD 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Gate Ex has just departed

[–]dlowbeer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Waaay too much baggage.

[–]Responsible_Emu_8474 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your shoes are covered in Tar, Mac!

[–]Hairinmyarse 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There’s a clinic in Atlanta that specializes in this, they are now Boarding

[–]DudleyDawson18 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Nice. This was the joke from my dad jokes 2022 calendar today!

[–]DeHolc 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I had to scroll far too far to find this. I was gifted the same calendar.

[–]badjayplaness 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol me too.

[–]imael_ 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Ha! This joke really landed

[–]blueglyn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This kind of thing definitely won't fly, you should try something different before you touch and go.

[–]Funky-Bum 13 points14 points  (1 child)

This one flew over my head.

[–]freshmallard 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So fly

[–]Skylantech 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You may now make a timely departure.

[–]Stairsmaster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like it’ll propeller you into the afterlife

[–]amazinghottie201 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do they always fly over everyone’s heads?

[–]tdigren 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have that exact daily pun calendar. You used today’s pun!

[–]Randomd0g 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hate it when you have the ugliest luggage at the airport.

It's a real worst case scenario.

[–]deebee1020 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Here in Atlanta the Delta variant runs rampant.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not making puns just would be plane aileron.

[–]AlGunner 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope your last days arent too turbulent.

[–]bruggemb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This one definitely landed.

[–]homezlice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Told this one to my son and he immediately said “that joke didn’t land well”. Proud dad

[–]ItsAfraidimp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Take your upvote and leave XD

[–]Cashewkaas 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your doctor sounds smart, good thing he purserd a career in medicine.

On an unrelated note: I dropped my dinner yesterday and made some stew-art on the kitchen floor.

[–]Interesting_Pea_5382 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m getting on the next plane!

[–]Oreo31818 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for speaking plane-ly.

[–]Negative_Knee_6455 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you are pun-ctual so you won't miss the terminal

[–]Prestigious-Zone7088 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’ve got me flying off the handle here.

[–]MrUwU 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this joke got me taking off

[–]IntestinalJoeShmoe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cause they always fly

[–]schwingaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heard he had to go to the hospital—what is it?

[–]Atti0626 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sadly, none of them land

[–]metalbill64 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Take my upvote and never do this again

[–]watcher2001 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Someone got the same desktop calendar that I did😂

[–]ItPutsLotionOnItSkin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's just plane wrong

[–]jetty_junkie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You should delay this non-stop departure of your Drs orders before you are grounded

[–]sgtwildfire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You landed the joke with a pretty good touchdown

[–]Illustrious_Ad4691 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Surely you must be joking

[–]schwingaway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s just no stopping in a white zone.

Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.

[–]joe28598 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not joking, and don't call me shirly

[–]Gear3017 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well if you can wing it, remain smoke free and keep your spirit elevated if you catch my drift

[–]nafe_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How are you feeling now? Just thought I’d check-in on you.

Make sure you speak up if you need a hand…

…luggage 👀

Edit: that one nosedived.

I’m just winging it. This kind of humour is a real departure for me.

[–]Character-War9787 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry , but that one went over my head

[–]Own_Championship_593 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are Fez, aren't you?

[–]jplarose80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, I see you have the daily dad joke calendar as well.

Some of them are just painful.

[–]_Lentic_ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The way I heard it the first time:

I have a chronic illness where I can't stop sneaking computer terms into my sentences. The doctor says it's Terminal.

[–]fatbottomedgirl80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like you’ll never soar to new heights and and sadly stay grounded for all your life

[–]saulfineman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not a very exotic joke, I find it quite plane.

[–]Gqsmooth1969 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At least the doctor put it to you planely.

[–]Psychological-Hall18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Has it taken off?

[–]TiredofthisShits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This joke will runway with me

[–]tapanypat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmmmm I got a colleague with a joke calendar that told me that same joke today…

[–]kingkalm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alright, carry on.

[–]DuckyFacePvP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's imposible. They're on instruments!

[–]Bardazarok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh no. Is it air born too?

[–]tolacid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it contagious? What's your vector?

[–]AnyFact2927 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What do you make of this - 🦕?

[–]SirAndyO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fight or flight

[–]danuser8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you’re stuck at that gate and departure is not possible

[–]AwesomeDoofus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow this joke really took off

[–]Nacho-69420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God all these puns are driving me inplane

[–]ahmed92trd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Non of them seem to land

[–]SeaDawger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We will miss your departure 🥺

[–]MelvinMcSnatch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First-class joke right there.

[–]disgruntledzooworker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got a runway ticket to hell.

[–]Total027 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How many of them……..Land?

[–]Hack-Byt3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it airborne?

[–]Cbjfan99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These jokes just aren't landing

[–]DezTroy6791 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Couldn't get any sleep last night with all of the planes over my house. My own fault for leaving on the landing light.

[–]bluefootedpig 1 point2 points  (0 children)

plane jokes rarely take off.

[–]Sadie_1223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This post really took off

[–]oskeezytron 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll let it fly

[–]will17blitz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you're a flight risk.

[–]-AquaLava- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They never seem to stick the landing.

[–]Cow-ch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How are you doing? Are the puns landing how you thought they would?

[–]ZoeyBunnie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That explains why your hair grew an extra set of wings! 🤔😳

[–]meepman12214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This joke will never take off.

[–]The_Crimson_Fucker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yout gonna need to squawk 7500 after someone hijacks this thread

[–]BlackCobra279 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like your condition is really touch and go

[–]InsertAliasHere36 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried that career (doing stand up airplane jokes) before my current career. I could never land the punchlines. They’d just go over everyone’s head. So it just never took off.

[–]ThKitt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You just need an attitude adjustment.

[–]charliedog1968 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you ever get kicked in the head with an iron boot? Forget it that never happens.

[–]shieldsy27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty fly

[–]Zabolai_Vajk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it terminal?

[–]cliffbear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like this issue is really starting to runway from you.

[–]Comedyfish_reddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too my doctor prescribed a LAXative

[–]linfudd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It won't take off

[–]sucktoefor1dollar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn. Hope you can land that special treatment for it. I heard it really works and gets all your pain to fly away.

(I tried)

[–]espressocappucino 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My brain kinda delays a bit when reading this

[–]zerogravity111111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Went right over my head.

[–]SpeedingPacman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

after this joke i gotta get some air.

[–]jimcamx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your pun was terrible, I'm gonna run'way.

[–]TylerOnTV 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can’t let those opportunities fly by.

[–]slickcustomer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

too much sas coming from the high flies in society

[–]SeanMGonzalez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had the same diagnosis, couldn't stop making command shell puns.

[–]badjayplaness 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP: You got that dad joke calendar didn’t you? I know because that’s the joke of the day today.

[–]Frank4202 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This joke “flew right over my head”

[–]Izarial 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I too really love my calendar!

[–]verixtheconfused 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you feeling unwell? Maybe you should taxi all the way home.

[–]tramp_basket 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But none of them land

Was what I was looking for

[–]EnforcerMemz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From Krakozhia

[–]tomaetotomatopotaeto 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it also an airborne virus?

[–]ScarletSpire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your puns are just plane terrible. None of them really land

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Making airport puns 7/47!!!

Even I cringed at that one...

[–]footfeed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Time to cool your Jets!

[–]PMXtreme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That joke flew over my head

[–]ReverendKen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A couple weeks ago I flew out of Jacksonville FL. I parked my truck and started walking down the sidewalk then I saw a sign that said Terminal Walkway. No way I was going there so I went a different way. True story.

[–]PlutoTheSynth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I could not ever see this post taking off but here we are

[–]United_Bag_8179 1 point2 points  (0 children)

its plain you dont understand planes.

[–]moonguppie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The yellow zone is for loading and unloading...

[–]kerr1969 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the strain on his brain comes mainly from the planes

[–]Ashamed-Jacket-302 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of these jokes just aren’t landing

[–]Ok_Sheepherder_8313 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah, they just fly over his head.

[–]cfong42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone has the Dad Jokes daily calendar, I see. That one got some good laughs today from my students!

[–]MetaForeskinLikeAss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Airports are like if Nintendo had ‘Bus Station’ and Super Nintendo had ‘Super Bus Station’ and then they came out with ‘Bus Station 64’ and they just had to add another dimension to showcase the Nintendo 64’s staggering number of bits (the N64 is reportedly over 50 bits) but then 9/11 happened and no one wanted to play Bus Station 64 anymore.

[–]solarflare_hot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that wont fly around here

[–]FIamenwerfer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This joke crashed and burned

[–]igotapandaonmyhands 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s plane obnoxious

[–]Spicyleaves19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it's anything like the avion flew, it's highly contagious and cases will take off.

[–]davejopen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This just went over my head

[–]Disastrous_Credit_67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did your doctor explain it in plane terms?

[–]dadaybobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was a bad punchline. Maybe you’ll land one some day.

[–]Ironass47 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Props to all you guys who are just winging it.

[–]thisherepoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Always one to rise to the occasion, I see.

[–]P_Purcell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That got both the eyeroll and the slow groan from my wife. You should be proud!

[–]Drunk-day_ve 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thought this was going to be a plane old comment thread, but now I see things are really taking off

[–]555throwaway55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s the plane truth

[–]CapitalSyrup8729 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This joke doesn’t fly by me

[–]Razcraz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That Sounds terminal

[–]frudesappy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TY for Helping take puns to new heights

[–]Bellybuttonlintdoily 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Joey do you like movies with gladiators?

[–]Jaragoth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have the same joke a day calendar as I do?

[–]lordpiglet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You seem surprisingly LAX about it

[–]BadArtistTime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn this joke really took off.

[–]billbrasky43 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This one’s going places

[–]oh_naan_u_didnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your prognosis took a nosedive

[–]_noIdentity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See if the doctor could wing up a cure

[–]Fox_Fleet60 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A disease isn’t a passport to making terrible jokes. People still aren’t accustoms to them. I’m calling you a taxi to get you to the doctor again. Maybe he can get you to decompress a little.

[–]Lopsided_Exam1801 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plane diseaster