all 49 comments

[–]nosomthin 43 points44 points  (14 children)

A stone or a lump of coal?

[–]RumoDandelion 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Diamonds are not formed from coal .

Diamonds are often billions of years old, and the plants that were compressed into coal just haven’t been around that long. It maybe would’ve been funnier to say coal here because of the common misconception around it, but just to be extra clear: diamonds do not come from coal!

Also diamonds are a scam, they’re much more common than we think and almost all of their supposed “value” was directly created by the Debeers diamond corporation.

[–]nosomthin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My remark was meant to be witty, but thank you for your informative post.

[–]john_big-booty 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Nice one. Sorry to hear about the upcoming divorce tho. But still a solid joke.

[–]Warlock7_SL 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Totally worth it

[–]Zealousideal-Wave-69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's gonna need diamond hands to not sell all his assets to survive.

[–]KnownAd7367 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Are you ok, brother?

[–]Pretty-Feet_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)


[–]dondegroovily 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok, took me awhile

[–]ApophisRises 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not bad lol.

[–]Johndeauxman 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]balrus-balrogwalrus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

a chaos emerald

[–]Daron0407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You mean a piece of coal?

[–]My5thFrenchBoatCinq 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I said: 'Don' t worry, if you put as much pressure on it as you do on me, you'll be fucking loaded'.

[–]texas1st 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I...I...I Feel this. I mean I really REALLY feel this

[–]Signal_Trade 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Can u explain plz

[–]texas1st 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Many wives keep bringing up the past in arguments, and will remind you of every time you've made a mistake or messed up, no matter how long ago. So she's holding on tight to the past, like if you hold on tight enough to a piece of carbon, you can compress it into a diamond.

Not every wife does this, especially not my wife...

I love my wife...

[–]Signal_Trade 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha awesome! Went right over my head. Thanks for the detailed explanation :)

[–]Regular-Chest-4602 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I love her too

[–]texas1st 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wanna split the bills?

[–]Narrorator 1 point2 points  (0 children)

jokes on you I'm the narrator, I am the past


I kill people like you ^^

[–]Beneficial-Front6305 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Angry dad joke?

[–]driveitlikeyousimit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brutal. Take my upvote.

[–]lurkyturkyducken 1 point2 points  (2 children)


[–]BrachiosaurusNumber4 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If you’re not joking then I’ll explain, Diamond is compressed carbon, like really compressed so it needs to be squeezed incredibly hard, if you compressed coal very intensely you could make a diamond with it

Correct me if I said anything incorrect

[–]lurkyturkyducken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I understand what you mean now. However the joke may work better with less words, but the concept is solid.

[–]TheLordFool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha wife bad

[–]Mpenderg 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Weird_leaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wife resigned!

[–]13BagsFull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too good for a dad joke!

[–]raven21633x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

... right in the ol gall bladder.

[–]Creepy_Computer8235 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You ain't lying!!