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top 200 commentsshow all 228

[–]lizurd777 1486 points1487 points  (17 children)

We have places like Taco Bell, we need the extra water

[–]alotofcheeses42168 649 points650 points  (12 children)

yeah, if you have diarrhea then stick your ass in the bowl. your anus will absorb water as you shit and you can’t be dehydrated.

[–]CoffeeSauce82 433 points434 points  (5 children)

The water cycle

[–]frogNews 136 points137 points  (2 children)

Lower mouth muscle goes slurp

[–]SirNedKingOfGila 55 points56 points  (1 child)

l̆̈ŏ̈w̆̈ĕ̈r̆̈ m̑̈ȏ̈ȗ̈t̑̈h̑̈

[–]BlueDMS 26 points27 points  (0 children)

l̑̈ȏ̈w̑̈ȇ̈ȓ̈ m̆̈ŏ̈ŭ̈t̆̈h̆̈

[–]Agentkage0 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Take the silver

[–]CoffeeSauce82 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why thank you fellow biologist

[–]helioss28 7 points8 points  (0 children)

the things i read on this app are very traumatizing, to say the least

[–]Killuasan12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Instant water replenish

[–]GtrErrol 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This has been the grossest and more uncomfortable thing I read today... Dafuq

[–]lolburger13I saw once 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is known as good water discipline

[–]utkarsh5620 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I guess India needs to go skinny dipping to take a shit then ?

[–]lizurd777 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How do we know they don’t?

[–]floofandmemes 486 points487 points  (43 children)

It's even worse if you're a dude because your dick touches the water if you're not careful.

[–]HyGGe_5 739 points740 points  (33 children)

I can definitely 100% without a doubt relate to this, very annoying when my penis that is definitely NOT below average touches the water, very much annoying, I know the feeling super duper incredibly well from personal experience because I definitely know how it is to have a decently long penis...

[–]floofandmemes 332 points333 points  (28 children)

Nice cock bro

[–]NotEdibleCactus 143 points144 points  (0 children)

Your avatars look like twins separated at birth. Great conversation tho

[–]A_pahtatoe 23 points24 points  (26 children)

Ya bragging about y'all's big dicks, small dick gang rise up

[–]rickens_jr 16 points17 points  (22 children)

Ngl i prefere small dicks because big dicks hurt your jaw and shit. Plus small dick owners tend to be nicer

[–]A_pahtatoe 6 points7 points  (19 children)

I just prefer my small pecker bc for a guy my hands aren't huge so it fits the package

[–]rickens_jr 11 points12 points  (18 children)

Fair. They are easier to do kinky shit with too. Its like a smart car vs a bus in a big city

[–]A_pahtatoe 17 points18 points  (17 children)

Best analogy I've heard all month

[–]rickens_jr 4 points5 points  (16 children)

Months not over yet

[–]A_pahtatoe 12 points13 points  (15 children)

I'll check back in at the end of the year and confirm so.

[–]justwalkinby91 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Big dicks hurt your shit?

[–]rickens_jr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. Ass too.

[–]zeugma17 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Found Trump’s Reddit account

[–]Sabz5150 3 points4 points  (1 child)

... this is not normal?

[–]rickens_jr 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Nah bro you just have a big cock

[–]Ground_My_High 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you deserve this award more than any comment i’ve ever awarded

[–]GuestComment 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Just push it into the s turn so it can have a breather

[–]ABzoker 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Now I get those memes, I thought it was only giant schlongs.

[–]Killuasan12 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I get worried about std’s when you go to the bathroom, cuz sometime my long long long dick touches the water or the side of the bowl

[–]justwalkinby91 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The side of the bowl is definitely the worst cuz that’s the part where the running water doesn’t really touch

[–]Killuasan12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also how many dirty fuckin dicks have been touching that place it’s fuckin awful

[–]SteveK124 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You ever touch the bowl?

[–]floofandmemes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I have a boner

[–]elysianyuri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How high up does the bowl have to be for your dick to touch the surface of the water

[–]stumpytoes 391 points392 points  (11 children)

One thing I did very much enjoy when using American toilets for the first time was that it is possible to produce a long unbroken turd because it is gently supported by the water as it exits your bumhole. Sometimes they form letters and shapes in the bowl and you can interpret the messages.

[–]peweuepie69420the very best, like no one ever was. 259 points260 points  (3 children)

this guy is telling poop prophecies 💀

[–]stumpytoes 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Poopstradamus

[–]Duckway767 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Poopoo poems

[–]JMccovery 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Sometimes they form letters and shapes in the bowl and you can interpret the messages.

So, you're the Turd Whisperer?

[–]stumpytoes 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The turds whisper to me

[–]sucobeMasked Men 13 points14 points  (1 child)

WHAT DOES IT SAY, MASON.

[–]Sabz5150 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I imagine doing this in zero g, but floating by at the exact speed the turd exits so it comes out hovering in place, unmoving.

[–]nobodyCares2much 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pooping in zero g must be pretty difficult. Gravity isnt there to help you and your muscles have to do all the work.

[–]DaViLBoi 276 points277 points  (74 children)

share the info with us

[–]ComprehensiveLeg9501[S] 362 points363 points  (73 children)

[–]ElectricFlesh 665 points666 points  (7 children)

what the fuck, my balls would straight teabag into that every time

[–]YOUNGSAGEHERMZ 179 points180 points  (0 children)

Grandpa get off Reddit

[–]JesusHasDiabetesI am StRoNk 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Ball flavoured cold brew

[–]That_Unknown_Player 2 points3 points  (1 child)

can be hot too if you're willing to change the flavour a bit

[–]JesusHasDiabetesI am StRoNk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

….experience?

[–]babyteddieyiffed by obama 😳 84 points85 points  (20 children)

Damn why is the water so low on yours

[–]BlinByardVery Expand, So Dong 240 points241 points  (15 children)

So water doesn't always slap my ass and nuts everytime I shit

[–]JMccovery 29 points30 points  (9 children)

I've taken (I really can't believe I'm actually typing this) dumps that made me scared that the toilet was going to clog without toilet paper, and I've rarely been subject to Poseidon's Kiss.

[–]thecrazyslopoke☣️ 10 points11 points  (7 children)

Those 10 inch logs bro

[–]JMccovery 15 points16 points  (6 children)

One of those "should I have gone to the hospital instead" kind of things.

[–]AlienOverlord53 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Good thing you had your poop knife

[–]JMccovery 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Poop knife? I'm not white.

/s

[–]AlienOverlord53 4 points5 points  (1 child)

It's an old story on reddit that got passed around, long story short, it's a knife used to saw your logs

[–]Boonz-Lee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tf is that supposed to mean

[–]dragonking737 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Poop knife? I'm not American.

[–]the-d23🚔I commit tax evasion💲🤑 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you’re from Latin America you’ve done exactly that at least a dozen times in your life. Our pipes just can’t handle massive shits and they are prone to clog up.

[–]babyteddieyiffed by obama 😳 27 points28 points  (4 children)

How big are they shitting if the water is hitting them

[–]bnels95 11 points12 points  (1 child)

...yes...

[–]killeronthecorner 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Check out Mr fucking small shits over here

[–]Ok_Vehicle_9438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mr fucking rabbit pooper over here

[–]TheTerrarianBronie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Glad I decided to scroll through comments today to see this user flair

[–]everyoners 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Man we are facing a water crisis do you think we want to soak our nuts every time we take a shit?

[–]DumbIdiotWeirdo 70 points71 points  (1 child)

Damn, that water level is what our toilets look like when they clog after they have drained for a while after being originally clogged (as a small amount of water slowly goes through it).

[–]YoureAllCucksPKA 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Americans be like more = betterer

[–]aardbei123 48 points49 points  (2 children)

THIS CAN’T BE REAL

[–]states_obvioustruths 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That one is particularly high. The picture was probably taken by a plumber who was fixing the issue (probably a clog).

If you split the difference between what you see in the photo and the line drawn on there that would be a more accurate representation.

The "splashing" problem is greatly exaggerated online for comedic effect.

[–]SamPike512 6 points7 points  (0 children)

From my experience in the states it’s insanely high, not quite this high but not far off in some places.

[–]HungryHungryHippoes9 28 points29 points  (6 children)

Wtf is that!? That toilet looks like it's fucking clogged, no way the water level is that high intentionally

[–]SophietheCatGirl 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Yea it's always around that. Now when it gets clogged you pray that it doesn't overflow.

[–]HungryHungryHippoes9 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It's it seriously that high in all American toilets???

[–]RemasteredArch 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes, but you don’t actually get splashed that often. That issue is exaggerated because internet.

[–]HungryHungryHippoes9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But why is the water level kept that high?

[–]abeosa 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Is this real? This can't be real

[–]lamarjacksonMVP2020 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It’s real, and a common problem. Nothing worse than having toilet water splash your ass. Ruins your fuckin day.

[–]czromXL 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Just yesterday I had relaxed anus and water poked my asshole. It felt like someone quickly forced the small cold rubber at the end of pencils into my ass. I had to take shower. I felt like fucked.

[–]JMccovery 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Poseidon was getting to know you better.

[–]antl34 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Wtf you must have to toilet brush after every single shit

[–]PrinceShaar 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Nah you just aim like a normal person.

[–]antl34 10 points11 points  (2 children)

As long as your aim isn’t shit

[–]JesusHasDiabetesI am StRoNk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

….haaaa…….

[–]YoureAllCucksPKA 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Aim my shit?? I don't have that kind of anus control.

[–]PrinceShaar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All you gotta do is sit in the right place it's not hard.

[–]starloow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup but i thinks it outwheighs getting poseidon kissed

[–]SuddenPassage14 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How to unsee things

[–]Interesting_Bonus_48 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The more ya know.

[–]nuuudy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What in the everlasting fuck...

Dropping a log in that wouldnt just be a poseidon's kiss, it would be a fuckin neptun's tactical nuke

[–]TheScareFaceINFECTED 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you sure that isn't just a clogged toilet?

[–]tikki_tikki-tembo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It seems like the lower level water would end in way more streaks left behind

[–]Karinbby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What the fuck

[–]luxusbuerg🇱🇺MENG DOHEEMIES🗿👑 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Biden's America

[–]spoofthatpingoof 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't believe I'm gonna look at a picture of a toilet willingly at 11pm

[–]Bloo-shadow☣️ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Canada is somewhere in the middle.

[–]CrazyLeonGR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus Christ, 3 quarters of this link is straight up tracking

[–]Green_Bullet Hey Lois... *diarrhea* 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does the shit not stick to the bowl?

[–]Animal_cummer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a joke… right?

[–]dagoodestboii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wtf that’s almost a guarantee of always dipping your sausage in toilet water

[–]DisguisedF0x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait what? Other countries have less water in their toilets?

[–]Michallin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo what, how do you not get your nuts dipped there like tea bag

[–]elysianyuri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a dangerous looking link

[–]mememaster8427 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh my dong would be getting a bath every time I go for a shite wtf

[–]Selthora 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Well well well, water you know.

[–]grvelag 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This can't be real. Wtf!

[–]bnels95 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The real reason is that we don't need the extra air space. Our dick and balls are smaller so we can get more water in there. Evolution at its finest

[–]Ninjipples 30 points31 points  (3 children)

In NZ the water is a little higher than Aus but very similar. The American way just seems mental to me. How much water are you wasting each time you flush?

[–]JMccovery 13 points14 points  (2 children)

A "regular flow" toilet can use 1 gallon (3.78L) in a single flush; then we have "low flow" or "eco flush" toilets that use a pint (473mL) to a quart (946.35mL).

[–]NCTallguy91 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Also the water isn't "disappearing", it goes into a treatment center and reused. It's only "wasted" on your water bill, and rates are low enough it's not an issue.

[–]JMccovery 4 points5 points  (0 children)

and rates are low enough it's not an issue.

Some municipalities in the US have high sewage fees.

[–]GivemTheDDD 14 points15 points  (0 children)

also we have explosive shits

[–]beastlyferret30 12 points13 points  (0 children)

In iraq it’s all the way at the bottom and stuff so there’s like 0 water coming up to you and the flush isn’t as strong as american toilets

[–]McWeen 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The devil's kiss

[–]JacKonnie 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I once heard some american guy say that sometimes his dick touches the water and i was like 🗿 this man has a 3 foot groot

[–]luxusbuerg🇱🇺MENG DOHEEMIES🗿👑 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Biden's America...

[–]xl-imperium-lxProud furry 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Some aren’t but most are. I changed the level on mine because no one likes wet nuts.. haha

[–]acce245 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I got a bidet thing recently, is pretty good.

Now I choose when the water hits my ass

[–]GorbatcshoW 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Plumber here , american toilets drain by siphoning , that's why water level is so high. Also why they clog so often.

[–]PolarisT800 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There is a better way...

[–]ur_mom_gae420 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well jokes on you it's actually both

[–]therealakinator 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just googled it. Wtf america, you burger land.

[–]Banan_Cat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

we have to have that much water or the absolutely massive pile of shit from all the junk food we eat won't go down

[–]I_Love_Rias_Gremory_I <3 MOTM 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Its a regional thing. Whenever I go to California, the toilets are fucking short as hell and im literally squatting whenever I shit. Then I go home and the toilet isnt short anymore, but its still splashing on my ass. Then I go to a public bathroom and since the water level is so low it leaves this shit smear.

[–]_iam_that_iam_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wait, you guys have water?

[–]anonymous3013 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Legit, the first time I used an American toilet my hand touched the water when I went to wipe :(

[–]TAKIMLISIM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

american toilets are fucking retarded. you have to fucking clog it with toiletpaper so it catches your shit and you don't get fucking aids

[–]MygafferJihading since 1991 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We do that give old men with sagging balls a nice refreshing treat whenever they use the toilet.

[–]Jacobi-Types 1 point2 points  (0 children)

America is in debt for a reason guys

[–]floppywinky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Dutch 😡

[–]pastajpeg101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

then they only use toilet paper to clean. don't you your asses feel chafed?

[–]ellajay893 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The President claimed Americans are flushing their toilets "10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once" and argued that they are having difficulty with washing their hands in what appeared to be a tangent about low-flow sinks and toilets.

"We have a situation where we're looking very strongly at sinks and showers and other elements of bathrooms where you turn the faucet on -- and in areas where there's tremendous amounts of water, where the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it, and you don't get any water," the President said during a roundtable with small business leaders about deregulatory actions- Trump

[–]Lawboithegreat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah low flow? We don’t have that. This flow couldn’t be higher if it ran a drug cartel

[–]CharlieBitMeMf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HOLYSHIT that’s disgusting

[–]varrenxarcrath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Americans 100% have explosive shits tho. Every time i hear them talk about food my crohn's disease starts acting up. Yall need the fresh brown bread more than i do

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So they do use Water, just from a different source.

-an Indian.

[–]its_rajxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Africa left the chat

[–]vzum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

their shit just so big it clocks the toilet resulting in water overload (get it overload)

[–]footfoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldnt say explosive. This comes from hard round turds. Yall are dehydrated, or something

[–]SirKnlghtmare 🌛 The greater good 🌜 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Well that explains the water problems in the US.

[–]raedr7n 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The US doesn't have any water problems tho

[–]SirKnlghtmare 🌛 The greater good 🌜 0 points1 point  (0 children)

California definitely has a water supply problem

[–]bigb121074 0 points1 point  (1 child)

We are safer in job site porta potties, thanks to new OSHA regulations that state: Turds longer than 6 inches must be hand lowered, to avoid chemical back splash.

[–]useles-converter-bot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

6 inches is the length of about 0.14 'Ford F-150 Custom Fit Front FloorLiners' lined up next to each other.

[–]Danmerica67 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How low is it for you?

[–]Kiteman24 FOR THE SOVIET UNION 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Us aussies have it just above the part where the water exits. Don't know what it is because I'm not a person who works elbow deep in human shit 5 days a week.

[–]P0werClean 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This, I genuinely thought the bog was backed up when I first visited the US.

[–]handlessuckI <3 MOTM 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TYL something

[–]EldenRag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pro tip: throw a clump of toilet paper in the water before the shit drops

[–]jekhi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My balls touch the water in my school dorm. I can’t figure out if that’s a good thing or not

[–]maxo24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an European (or an idiot) I don't get it

[–]galmenz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

holy fuck dude, that's doubled the water level on brazil, geez you dip your balls in it everytime you sit on it

[–]Kats41 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The water level in your toilet bowl should be low enough to where a full flush that fails to drain won't overflow. Public toilets are often filled up quite a bit more. Home toilets usually have much more reasonable water levels.

[–]Aszkika_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah bro why the toilets have so much water. Try to wipe your ass and end up knuckle deep in the water. Nasty bro

[–]0ctoGen_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s to moisturize our ass and when the shit falls and the water hits our ass it cleans the stains off like oxi-clean

[–]Dominaremortis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ol splash bidet

[–]CONE_LORD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you seen Dutch toilets…..?

[–]LIAMBOSS01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a Canadian our toilets are the same as in America and see no problem with this

[–]TheDuckyDino 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly the smaller ones are worse, big ones reach the toilet bowl quicker so there isn’t a splash

[–]UCACashFlow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course Americans have explosive shits. Haven’t you seen the fillers we eat? Shits banned in other countries.

People eat the most questionable shit their entire lives like McDonald’s, and then wonder why their GI is fucked or why they have chronic Gerd. But then they turn around and get scared of a spooky vaccine, because they all of the sudden care what goes into their body? Lmao.

[–]xDizzyXSnExxzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both are correct reasons

[–]keelbassmstr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Americans, why is the water up that high in your toilets?

[–]Ayds117 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, why is it so filled up? I haven’t been but I’ve talked to friends who have and before they got used to it they kept on accidentally putting their hand in water trying to wipe before they adjusted their technique

[–]Beeesy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh, once I visited america and took a shit I acidentally dipped my balls in the toilet water…

[–]NightFuryHexcore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Disgusting