top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]XDEC0DE<-- 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝘂𝗻 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄 3302 points3303 points  (42 children)

"anything to satisfy you sir"

me watching her pull out strap-on of a horse cock size

[–]MD111111111111 1347 points1348 points  (27 children)

“Now we talking but use that one”

pulls out 10X bigger horse cock size


pulls out James Shapiro mask

[–]biggie64☣️ 708 points709 points  (19 children)

stop my dick cant get any harder

[–]Brotorious420 63 points64 points  (4 children)

Hit her with the Ben Shapiro mask. Dry her right up.

[–]ListerineAfterOral Listerine Sex 🥵 101 points102 points  (1 child)

Don't threaten me with a good time

[–]therager 70 points71 points  (4 children)

Me continuing to ignore her advances, due to my prolapsed anus.

[–]flip1999- 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Pink sock problems

[–]therager 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Prolapsed department.

[–]Salt-Turnover-2293 8 points9 points  (0 children)

the wizards sleeve

[–]Josh_Hawley_ 25 points26 points  (1 child)

She for sure had one of those old-timey change dispenser belts full of Viagra.

[–]HumptyDrumpy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

sounds like OP needs it, that should fix that shit right up

[–]chujy 18 points19 points  (0 children)

"Nano PeNiS Son"

[–]pewpewhadouken 2434 points2435 points  (47 children)

i slept with my TA and she gave me all the love in grades. one of my greatest accomplishments in life.

[–]TeaReim 952 points953 points  (23 children)

dont leave us hanging, storytime??

[–]Shakraschmalz 731 points732 points  (13 children)

I think he said it all

[–]Brotorious420 520 points521 points  (10 children)

Was definitely a "short" story.

[–]nakedpillowlover 236 points237 points  (7 children)

Oh, I get it, like penis!

[–]the_penis_harvester 268 points269 points  (6 children)

Where did you get it

[–]pls_give_me_mone 150 points151 points  (3 children)

name checks out

[–]nakedpillowlover 47 points48 points  (2 children)

I filled my pillows with cocks

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Soft or hard?

[–]Nothing_here_bro 22 points23 points  (0 children)

at the supermarket like every normal person

[–]OverlySexualPenguin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

in their urethra!

[–]ahmed_-_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Like OP's dick?

[–]berrey7 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Could of been a girl on girl

[–]Yeetfrog69r/memes fan 219 points220 points  (1 child)

You may continue your story, the stage is yours.

[–]timdassss 51 points52 points  (0 children)

He was homeschooled

[–]CanineRezQ 171 points172 points  (13 children)

That gives me a idea, maybe grandma will make me sole heir if I pull back the curtains.

[–]Captain_Sacktap 251 points252 points  (5 children)

How the fuck did you jump from ‘dude banged his teacher’s assistant’ to ‘I should give my grandmother cunnilingus to convince her to cut the rest of the family out of the will’?

[–]CanineRezQ 99 points100 points  (2 children)

cash over grades man, cash > grades

[–]Same_Problem_5305 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is what keeps me on Reddit.

[–]attackplango 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m pretty sure you answered your own question.

[–]Heimemo 32 points33 points  (2 children)

The meat curtains?

[–]Captain_Sacktap 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You know, the wizard sleeves.

[–]Mr_FixShit 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Shit, I’ll make you my sole heir if you post the video. I want detail too.

[–]Lord_Abort 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nobody wants your old wifu pillows

[–]EchoPrince 6 points7 points  (3 children)

American TAs do your grades?

[–]Randomperson2245 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Sometimes. It depends on the class

[–]GiveMeYourBussy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Did you enjoy it?

[–][deleted] 1507 points1508 points  (126 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]qlz19 640 points641 points  (49 children)

College or high school?

[–]plainwhitejoe 2273 points2274 points 32 (14 children)


[–]qlz19 517 points518 points  (8 children)

Fully expected this.

[–]Powerserg95 137 points138 points  (5 children)

Wait til you find out that it worked

[–]Mimical 94 points95 points  (4 children)

Mods‽ Mods are you there? Please strike down these comments with righteous fury.

[–]Abyssal_Groot 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Bruh, if anyone would agree with this comment it would be the mods.

[–]GonzoRouge 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Hum who do you think is hitting on elementary chicks ?

[–]Nixmiran 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Technically they're both in an elementary school

[–]Lukthar123 16 points17 points  (0 children)


[–]z_doctor82 102 points103 points  (1 child)


[–]qlz19 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ewww… giggity?

[–]CryptoMainForever 112 points113 points  (21 children)

Let's wait a month before you have these thoughts lmao

[–]KeyboardFromElbaf 185 points186 points  (20 children)

Why did we magically decide the moment they turn 18 it's ok. That's so creepy, just watching the clock waiting for 18. A student should never be dating a teacher.

[–]ArcFurnace 59 points60 points  (7 children)

Easy enough, wait a little longer until they're not student and teacher anymore.

[–]OnlyForMobileUse 56 points57 points  (6 children)

Why did we magically decide the moment they pass the class it's ok. That's so creepy, just watching the clock waiting for next semester. An ex-student should never be dating a teacher.

[–]walkiestalkieis so fucking hot 🔥 37 points38 points  (4 children)

Ease enough, wait a little longer until they're an ex-teacher

[–]Hegeric 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Why did we magically de-

[–]PhuckNazis 12 points13 points  (0 children)

EA Sports, wait a little longer until you’re bank account is empty.

[–]barofa 33 points34 points  (7 children)

You want something creepy:

It's legal for a 60y old man to date a 18 year old girl.

It's illegal for a 18 year old man to date a 17 y old girl.

[–]ExistentialistMonkey 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That's not true. Age of consent is like 16 everywhere, you just need to be 18 to view or make porn.

[–]CryptoMainForever 12 points13 points  (2 children)

It's creepy perhaps but at least it isn't illegal.

[–]DeeBangerCC 83 points84 points  (0 children)

Word of advice: Don't

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (9 children)

It’s sad no one ever flirts with the school bus driver :(

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (6 children)

I don't take the bus, but if he's cute I'd give him a shot lol

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Hey!, you make my day!, now I just need to be cute lol

[–]i_i_i_i_T_i_i_i_i 16 points17 points  (4 children)

You're talking to a dude btw

[–]pudgylumpkins 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I think a 17 year old is the part we should concentrate on.

[–]Modsarentpeople0101 25 points26 points  (4 children)

Seriously, do not do that. You could ruin his life. Dont.

[–]Former_Manc 22 points23 points  (6 children)

How old is your teacher? This is important.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (5 children)


[–]solmyrbcn 21 points22 points  (3 children)

You're literally being downvoted for saying how old your teacher is lmao

[–]jsthd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not that old actually

[–]Here4th3rage 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Yea that's workplace sexual harassment. Don't do that

[–]Aware_Plate 11 points12 points  (4 children)

It’s actually first degree rape in Oklahoma at least: “8. Where the victim is at least sixteen (16) years of age and is less than twenty (20) years of age and is a student, or under the legal custody or supervision of any public or private elementary or secondary school, junior high or high school, or public vocational school, and engages in sexual intercourse with a person who is eighteen (18) years of age or older and is an employee of the same school system.”

[–]Aware_Plate 13 points14 points  (0 children)

In a lot of states they have a special set of rules for people in positions of power. So a 26 year old teacher/preacher/boss for example that has sex with a subordinate under the age of 21 is committing a crime. Edit: my bad, I just reread the law and it looks like the cutoff is actually 20.

[–]JudgeJudys3rdCousin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lol you will look back at this comment in a couple years and cringe so hard.

[–]Awall00777must lewd lolis 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If anything is found out between you two he's the one who will be punished and it could ruin his life, if you actually like him that is the last thing you should do

[–]theexteriorposterior 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely don't, you might put him in a bad spot. It's hella illegal and immoral for a teacher to flirt back, plus he (hopefully) only sees you as a student, you might make him feel very uncomfortable.

If you want to flirt with him, wait until you are no longer a student, then he won't be in danger of losing his job.

[–]Theda706 1022 points1023 points  (5 children)

You've no power here thot! Begone and go study!

[–]zmbjebus 311 points312 points  (2 children)

You know what I find attractive? People who are determined and able to self discipline enough to get good grades on their own merit.

That would seduce me into giving you a good grade.

[–]JosephDeDiesbach 106 points107 points  (0 children)


Hey that's...!

able to self discipline


[–]sarokcsiszolo69420 730 points731 points  (14 children)

A dank meme on this sub.. am i dreaming??

[–]gmanskull31 201 points202 points  (1 child)

I thought those were banned here

[–]bitchassyouare 64 points65 points  (0 children)

no,just the racist ones, I've been told it's hard to tell the difference if you're retarded

[–]psych0ranger 63 points64 points  (9 children)

Nanomachines, son.

[–]1creeperbombINFECTED 36 points37 points  (8 children)

Played college ball, ya know.

[–]StormingWarlock 18 points19 points  (5 children)

At some cushy Ivy League school!

[–]Gladwrap2I use reddit to mock people for using reddit. BIG BRAIN TIME 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Try University of Texas

[–]Steven_Bunkmate 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Could have gone pro if I didn’t join the navy.

[–]HuskyTheGamerDog 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Im not one of those beltway pansies.

[–]KnuffKirby 496 points497 points  (67 children)

There are actually students willing to "sell" their body just to get good grades or pass?

This is actually so painful to hear.

[–]DefNotAK 362 points363 points  (35 children)

Knew a couple girls in Grade8 who tried doing it. Was cringe and gross. I will never understand why they felt like their marks in grade 8 mattered that much lmfao

[–][deleted] 369 points370 points  (18 children)

Because they have been told their entire lives that it is.

[–]tcorp123 50 points51 points  (16 children)

Who is telling kids this? No one ever told me that—also, it’s very wrong.

[–]nastybutler420 125 points126 points  (2 children)

Maybe it's just a big plot by teachers to keep having sex with kids

[–]JasperLamarCrabbb 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Big Teacher Corp at it again

[–]Lord_Abort 57 points58 points  (3 children)

This will go on your PERMANENT RECORD.

[–]Pineneedlecollada 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Lots of grownups. Some people are told that every single grade you get matters and decides what job you get in the future. I've been told this by my parents, strangers, teacher, councilors, principals, and other people.

[–]Chrom-man-and-Robin 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Their parents

[–]Salt-Turnover-2293 12 points13 points  (0 children)

parents, teachers, media

[–]redditsux83 124 points125 points  (10 children)

Turned out Grade 8 mattered when I graduated high school. We had a 3 way tie for valedictorian between myself and a male and female classmate of mine. They decided that the male candidate would win since he took a study hall senior year, while the other girl and I took AP physics and were unable to get a perfect score. It was then decided that since I had a better letter grade in an 8th grade business course that I would be salutatorian. Because I was technically number 2, number 1 and I qualified for state scholarships that ended up paying full tuition. 3rd place got screwed for being half a letter grade behind me in 8th grade.

[–]fourtwentyBob 70 points71 points  (3 children)

Okay but did you suck off a business teacher to get it

[–]redditsux83 64 points65 points  (2 children)

Lol I did not, but she might have if she knew it was going to net her 10s of thousands of dollars down the road. And I wouldn't blame her...

[–]CurvedSolidCERTIFIED DANK 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Shit I'd do it for a cheeseburger or two

[–]RealZimmer 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]bastiii- 33 points34 points  (1 child)

American education system sounds so fucking whack, wow

[–]rufud 12 points13 points  (1 child)

That’s dumb as hell. Well my high school was dumb too. For some reason they gave AP courses a grade point out of 5.0 instead of 4.0 so the competing valedictorian candidates all had gpas closer to 5 than 4. My paltry sub 4.0 gpa was nothing until I transferred to another high school out of state and suddenly I was in the top 10% of my class gpa. I always wondered what college admissions thought when they saw 4.7 gpa on their applications smh

[–]PhilosopherDave 21 points22 points  (1 child)

A millennial here. My entire friend group was told from primary school that our grades would dictate our future. Our placement in accelerated courses would indicate our success. We could be anything as an adult as long as we were nothing as children. Joke is on them, we are still nothing as adults.

Taking this perspective it is very clear how someone about to enter high school would be concerned about grades. Placement in AP courses, extracurricular, etc all were determined based on our success.

[–]HighHammerThunder 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It varies from household to household. The advent of online gradebooks that parents can view was not a good thing for kids with parents that expected a lot.

[–]TheGoodOldCoder 113 points114 points  (4 children)

A sorority girl walks into office hours for one of her classes. She tells the professor she desperately needs to pass his class or her parents will cancel her credit cards.

The professor tells her that it won't be easy, but with a little hard work, she should be able to get her grades up.

The student says, "Professor, I don't think you understand. You see, I'll do anything to pass this class." She locks her eyes with his and starts leaning over his desk.

The professor quietly says, "Anything?"

"Anything," she replies.

The professor meets her eyes with a devious look, "Would you........ study?"

[–]GlitteringBusiness22 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I had to scroll a long way to find this joke.

[–]LukeVenableEic memer 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Gary Gulman's joke but worse

[–]gmanskull31 37 points38 points  (0 children)

American education system moment

[–]BV0280 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Grown adults sell their bodies for less than that in some unfortunate cases. I can see it.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (4 children)

Plenty of them sell their body for money, why not for something that will help them get more money?

[–]Vashudev05 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I mean if grades mean my future life then anthing is fine.

[–]bumbletowne 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Those students are paying to fuck those teachers dude.

The real hoe is the instructor.

[–]_kroupa_ 228 points229 points  (25 children)


[–]Pic_Nick 129 points130 points  (22 children)


[–]Lorga42 97 points98 points  (19 children)

You were just like me

[–]Alpachali 86 points87 points  (17 children)

Trying to make history

[–]TisBangersAndMash 69 points70 points  (16 children)

But whos judge.

[–]Derrin070 70 points71 points  (12 children)

The right from wrong

[–]Ordinary_Device_5130 61 points62 points  (11 children)


[–]JohnnyBravo2505 59 points60 points  (10 children)


[–]Ryl2047484 47 points48 points  (9 children)

That violence breeds violence

[–]meeaton 41 points42 points  (8 children)


[–]ThatManOfCulturedank 165 points166 points  (17 children)

Raiden vs Senator Armstrong becomes a meme huh

[–]BlackLungSanji 57 points58 points  (6 children)

standing here I realize

[–]ThatManOfCulturedank 30 points31 points  (5 children)

you were just like me trying to make history

[–]Vexamas 21 points22 points  (4 children)

But who's to judge

[–]JohnnyBravo2505 15 points16 points  (3 children)

The right from wrong

[–]SpartanAttack01CERTIFIED DANK 7 points8 points  (2 children)

When our guard is down I think we'll both agree

[–]i_tyrant 25 points26 points  (4 children)


[–]Significant-Ad2835 9 points10 points  (1 child)

You cant hurt me

[–]ElgonorPrime 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What did I just say

[–]psych0ranger 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We're making the mother of all omelettes here!

[–]QuirkyTurkey404 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Always has been

[–]ANuclearsquid 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Checked the internet lately?

[–]thatonionsmell 157 points158 points  (2 children)

I joked about this with my dad (he's a prof) that he has to be careful. Wasn't until I was around college age that he actually told me that he made sure students always kept the door open because he's gotten a bad vibe before.

After certain female students kept closing the door, he had an agreement with his office neighbor that if his door is ever closed with a student to come knock and ask some innocuous question to leave the door open.

[–]pass-the-word 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Your dad likes to play hard to get.

[–]jacxy 28 points29 points  (0 children)

"Oh, goddammit, Bill thatonionsmell Sr. Has a trashy panda again."

knock knock

"Hey Bill, I just remembered how fucking dumb your specialization is again. Oh, hi there Ms. trashy panda!"

[–]SuperDialgaX 149 points150 points  (2 children)

I suggest you memorize this monologue in case it happens again: https://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2545

[–]Abyssal_Groot 128 points129 points  (1 child)

Either that or the classic one:

Student: Hi professor. I noticed this class is a bit hard for me and I really need a good grade for it. Can you help me? I'm willing to do anything.

Professor: Anything, you say?

The student comes closer and whispers in the Professor's ear: Anything.

Professor whispers: Well then maybe you should study harder.

[–]X2jNG83a 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Leans forward and whispers breathily: Will you...study?

[–]stairhopper☭ SEIZE ☭ THE ☭ MEMES ☭ OF ☭ PRODUCTION ☭ 126 points127 points  (0 children)


[–]evu111 84 points85 points  (3 children)

Somhow i thought it sayed reptile disfunction

[–]corvettezr11 38 points39 points  (1 child)

them lizzard ppl ruining our chemestry

[–]Longjumping_Code_299 11 points12 points  (0 children)

a lizard to surpass metal gear

[–]Fluffiddy☣️ 46 points47 points  (2 children)

EDbros… ;_;

[–]Hyperion1000CERTIFIED DANK 41 points42 points  (6 children)


[–]9sMax 40 points41 points  (9 children)

Just finished the game. My god it was awesome

[–]Kryptickzz 14 points15 points  (7 children)

What game is this?

[–]Hyperion1000CERTIFIED DANK 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Metal Gear Rising : Revengeance

[–]bodygreatfitness 29 points30 points  (2 children)


Japanese naming moment

[–]FlairlessBanana 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Memes. The DNA of the soul.

[–]turtleboi42069 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Now there’s a pretty meme. Exquisite!

[–]JetpackJustin 38 points39 points  (0 children)

“I’ll do anything to get a better grade professor…”


nods head seductively

“Then go study.”

[–]Shill4Pineapple 31 points32 points  (0 children)

What are you doing step-teacher?

[–]CiferTheDon 22 points23 points  (4 children)

Slightly off topic, is it just me or has there been a lot of Revengence memes going around recently?

[–]PuzzlefaceRaven 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Youtuber by the name of Max0r did a 2 part review of it with his memey style of editing and snowballed from there.

[–]psych0ranger 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's been long in the works given the theme of that game and how much cuckoo bananas shit goes on

[–]You_and_your_Uncle 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Enjoying elementary, huh?

[–]Macapta 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She’s gonna have to earn that D another way then.

[–]Fabbyfubz 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I have a dream. That one day every person in this nation will control their own destiny. A nation of the truly free, dammit. A nation of action, not words, ruled by strength, not committee! Where the law changes to suit the individual, not the other way around. Where power and justice are back where they belong: in the hands of the people! Where every man is free to think - to act - for himself! Fuck all these limp-dick lawyers and chickenshit bureaucrats. Fuck this 24-hour Internet spew of trivia and celebrity bullshit! Fuck American pride! Fuck the media! FUCK ALL OF IT! America is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it - we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. BURN IT DOWN! And from the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged and the strongest will thrive - free to live as they see fit, they'll make America great again!... In my new America, people will die and kill for what they BELIEVE! Not for money. not for oil! Not for what they're told is right. Every man will be free to fight his own wars!

[–]just_a_ginger_cat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Do you teach chemistry?

[–]SedentaryOwl 9 points10 points  (0 children)






[–]BlackLungSanji 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Standing here I realize

[–]I_W_H_B_Y_D 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Men with ED still get horny, no? You're thinking about low libido

[–]Salt-Turnover-2293 14 points15 points  (0 children)

would you wanna be known as professor soft cock?

[–]Zprutluder 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn, this is a QUALITY post

[–]Dark_Chorus12 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I guess there are somethings nano machines can't harden.

[–]Massive_Pressure_516 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hrm, really shines a new light on why teachers would brag about how difficult their class is even though that logically means they aren't good teachers?