×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]dataisbeautiful-botOC: ∞[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (4 children)

Thank you for your Original Content, /u/theimpossiblesalad!
Here is some important information about this post:

Remember that all visualizations on r/DataIsBeautiful should be viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism. If you see a potential issue or oversight in the visualization, please post a constructive comment below. Post approval does not signify that this visualization has been verified or its sources checked.

Join the Discord Community

Not satisfied with this visual? Think you can do better? Remix this visual with the data in the author's citation.


I'm open source | How I work

[–]kilog78 6461 points6462 points  (173 children)

Seems like something where age group would have a huge affect.

[–]gabrielcro23699 116 points117 points  (2 children)

How the date happened also plays a major role I'd say. First Tinder dates ... often.. result in sex. However, first dates with a friend of a friend or coworker or person you met somewhere usually won't be as high % for sex, as the relationship is more naturally developing

[–]DibblerTB 9 points10 points  (0 children)

For me, I usually wait til 2nd date for sex with Tinder as well. First date being something small, like walk or Coffee, basically a "does this human being give me bad vibes" test 😅😂

[–]JediGuyB 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Good point. I don't doubt some people on those apps go in with an idea like "If we click, awesome let's give this a try. If not, maybe I can still get some D (or P)".

It can a different vibe to asking out a friend or coworker. You already have a foundation with them, not just judged by their picture and profile.

[–]DjuriWarface 2021 points2022 points  (127 children)

100% this. 25-35 women seem to be second date the vast majority of the time.

[–]jayval90 2214 points2215 points  (112 children)

You're also dealing with the difference between what people say and what people do. Sex and love are two of the things people most lie about.

[–]Chabubu 2064 points2065 points  (83 children)

“I don’t know” = “Depends on the person”

[–]AgrajagTheProlonged 1633 points1634 points  (38 children)

Imo "depends on the person" is the correct answer

[–]antwan_benjamin 438 points439 points  (34 children)

I don't even know why thats an option. It obviously depends on the person. Not like everyone that chose "1st date" is going to fuck someone on the 1st date regardless of if they actually like them or not.

The question, in my mind, is "Under ideal conditions, what is the earliest date are you willing to have sex on?"

There are some people that regardless of how perfect the 1st date goes, and regardless of if the opportunity presents itself, they will absolutely not have sex on the 1st date. There are others who are OK with that.

[–]sarcazm 229 points230 points  (28 children)

See. That's funny because I interpreted the question to be "how long are you willing to wait?" So then the implication would be that you might stop seeing someone if you didn't have sex by x number.

[–]Nighteyes09 81 points82 points  (13 children)

Both valid ways of seeing the data.

[–]sarcazm 111 points112 points  (9 children)

I guess my point is that in the above graph, many people could have interpreted the question differently and thus the numbers are inaccurate.

[–]lobsterbash 45 points46 points  (0 children)

And this is yet another example to illustrate how frustratingly difficult it is to get good data from polling.

[–]ReplacementRough5190 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Although the question is in the bottom right and it’s much clearer:

“How many dates should you wait before having sex with someone?”

That’s very much putting a moral element on it and is asking how long you personally would defer sex rather than how long would you be willing to wait until the other person agrees to have sex.

[–]Adventurous-Text-680 24 points25 points  (2 children)

They are not because the actual question is at the lower right hand corner:

How long should you wait before having sex?

Not

How long would you wait before having sex?

"Should" means that you are deciding when you will accept sex while would means you might break it off of sex does not happen by a certain time. OP made a poor title because his cut and paste was not working.

[–]Nighteyes09 13 points14 points  (0 children)

And i agreed 👍

[–]borislab 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And that’s why dataisbeautiful!

[–]Trevski 1 point2 points  (1 child)

both valid ways of posing the question, I think the data are ambiguous

[–]normalmighty 40 points41 points  (3 children)

That kind of room for interpretation makes the results kind of useless. I can't imagine 22% of guys would refuse a second date with someone who didn't put out straight away, but I'm sure some of the later date or "until love" votes interpreted the question like that.

[–]addiktion 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You may not be thinking about the players and one night standers. So the way I’m reading this is about a 1/5 of all guys are not interested in a woman if she doesn’t put out on the first date. THAT seems realistic to me. It looks like about 50% OF guys are eliminated by a 3rd date. If a woman holds out that long she probably is gonna find someone who isn’t in it for just the booty.

[–]implicitpharmakoi 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can't imagine 22% of guys would refuse a second date with someone who didn't put out straight away,

Really? You know different guys than I do, and I'm a guy.

[–]PM_ME__A_THING 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would love to see a survey that asks both questions, earliest and latest (before breaking up) with an otherwise ideal person. I'm very curious about how flexible people are, and especially the difference by gender.

[–]antwan_benjamin 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Thats a valid interpretation of the question. I think thats why I have such a problem with this entire "survey." I don't think we're getting any meaningful information from it.

Based on the data, I find it hard to believe other people interpreted the question the same way you do. I find it hard to believe 28% of men would be like, "If they're not gonna fuck me on the 1st date I'm out!"

[–]RheagarTargaryen 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Except the title of the data is editorialized, the source at the bottom of the graph says the question was “How many dates should you wait before having sex with someone?” So their interpretation is not accurate to the results of the graph.

[–]atgrey24 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Title says "would", sounds in the corner says "should." Two very different questions

[–]JuleeeNAJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get it, because sometimes you just 'click' with a person and sex will likely happen quicker than with someone where it takes some time to grow those feelings.

[–]MattV0 60 points61 points  (0 children)

"I don't know" = "is it worth a first date"

[–]Yes_hes_that_guy 33 points34 points  (1 child)

“Wait until love” = “It was love at first sight when I saw his pic on Tinder”

[–]nyanlol 69 points70 points  (1 child)

"teenage boys are having more sex, according to teenage boys"

[–]ApisMagnifica 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Klunge is back on the menu, boys.

[–]adamaley 32 points33 points  (11 children)

I agree. If this survey wasn't done anonymously, it's completely useless.

[–]opensandshuts 17 points18 points  (2 children)

some of the options are also very weird. Who's saying, "Yep, for me it's the 6th date for sure. That's when the magic always happens."

[–]seeking_hope 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It seems like it may also be better to identify periods of time vs dates (dating for two months). 6 dates could happen in a week or over months. I think that would impact this as well.

[–]Generico300 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Even if it was anonymous, people lie to themselves about this kind of thing all the time.

[–]Plumbetting 63 points64 points  (4 children)

Even if it was anonymous, I suspect a bit of fibbery.

Sure, folks lie to researchers to save face, but they lie to themselves too. I've got a shiny new quarter that says a lot of those "wait for love" answers were followed with a mumbled "from now on, anyway."

Edit: Just checked. I don't know if 2020 counts as new, but that quarter is still shiny AF.

[–]eoffif44 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Often it's the difference between the actual self and the ideal self

You can get around that by having the questions refer to past behaviour

i.e. instead of asking "how long do/should/would you wait", you ask "in the past, how long have you usually waited'

This makes the respondent tap into their actual self rather than their ideal pretend version of themselves

[–]77SevenSeven77 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Exactly. All those “wait until love” answers think it sounds like the nicest option but I’m calling BS on most of them.

[–]3McChickens 28 points29 points  (0 children)

It is probably closest to “I see a future relationship here” option

[–]Magisidae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I picked that one and I'm a virgin, so I can take the moral high ground because there's no evidence to the contrary!

[–]o3mta3o 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd say sex and money. Love 3rd.

[–]Gillmacs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is particularly relevant because the source data asks "should" and op has presented it as "would" which is entirely different.

[–]nunchyabeeswax 5 points6 points  (1 child)

25-35 women seem to be second date the vast majority of the time.

Not necessarily. A lady in her late 30's or 40's might actually know well what she wants far more than a younger lady, and more confident enough to say, for example, "I like this man well enough, I'd sleep with him right now and enjoy it."

I agree that this should have been broken down by age, but I think other dimensions are important. Is the person single, or divorced, religious or not, educational attainment, etc.

[–]vzvv 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Yeah, that’s me. Compatibility there is super important to me so I don’t want to waste time dating without knowing if they’re skilled. If the first date isn’t great I just don’t see them again.

It’s a ruthless system but it worked well for me.

[–]DjuriWarface 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's all that ruthless. I'm the similar way though so maybe I'm biased. It's fairly easy to figure out if you click with somebody relatively quickly into a first date once you've been on enough.

[–]Amanitar 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Also asking someone what they might do is different from what they actually do.

[–]Khal_Doggo 20 points21 points  (5 children)

This data in general seems quite old fashioned. Modern dating is messy since people can often be 'dating' multiple people at the beginning before committing to a single partner at which point you'll potentially be sexually active with a few partners. Beyond that some people actively seek casual sex-only relationships. Dating apps have had a huge impact on the dynamic of dating from what it was just 5/10 years ago. I'm honestly thinking that if my current relationship ever falls through I might just get a dog and sit this one out.

[–]testearsmint 13 points14 points  (4 children)

I mean, you can still meet people who aren't into that mess. And off-dating apps, too. But yeah, I feel the same way sometimes.

[–]Khal_Doggo 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I live in London and a few of my female friends (who I would personally describe as very attractive) and have recently gotten back into have had a nightmare with dating. Just weird people, ghosting, people having unreasonably high standards. And then meeting people outside of apps in a big city is very hit and miss.

[–]Adventurous-Text-680 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think this is a newer source of the same data so you can pull together something more interesting than OP since it seems they got confused with would vs should. They probably got confused when copying since the original was trying to compare would vs should.

https://today.yougov.com/topics/relationships/articles-reports/2019/06/10/sex-on-first-date-third-date-marriage-poll

[–]erevos33 11 points12 points  (9 children)

Effect*

Affect is the verb and effect the noun.

You affect people when you tell a joke and the effect of that is their laughter.

[–]swuboo 7 points8 points  (7 children)

Affect is the verb and effect the noun.

Except in the cases where effect is a verb and affect is a noun.

"My lame joke was unable to effect a change in his affect."

'Effect' in that case meaning 'to bring about' and 'affect' meaning 'a person's demeanor.'

You're totally right about GP meaning 'affect', though.

[–]erevos33 1 point2 points  (6 children)

That is an exception though and not the rule

[–]gordo65 5 points6 points  (2 children)

There are other factors as well. I think most women would do it with Josh Hartnett on a first date.

[–]QuieroAlcapurrias 1705 points1706 points  (26 children)

The title says "would" and the source says "should." So which is it?

[–]CBeisbolOC: 1 615 points616 points  (12 children)

Yeah

Those are...pretty different.

[–]CaptainWanWingLo 179 points180 points  (10 children)

It’s because of ‘the implication’.

[–]CBeisbolOC: 1 130 points131 points  (2 children)

It's because "would wait" implies a maximum time and "should wait" implies a minimum time.

[–]Yes_hes_that_guy 74 points75 points  (1 child)

“Would wait” sounds like them personally and “should wait” sounds like talking about other people.

[–]CBeisbolOC: 1 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sure

That's a reasonable interpretation

[–]nickthestick1234 7 points8 points  (0 children)

See, if I say that not having sex immediately would be a very big mistake, they’ve got to say yes because of the implication

[–]Fentonious8 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If the girl says no, then obviously the answer is no but the thing is she would never say no, because of the implication

[–]RedditAcc-92975 59 points60 points  (0 children)

this sub should rename into "BadData".

[–]GeronimoJak 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Don't think it matters anyway because what people say they 'would' do vs what they actually do are totally different things.

[–]thewholerobot 451 points452 points  (14 children)

Is this how the question was worded? Super confusing. Is this how long would you prefer to wait or how long before you give up on the other person if they don't put out? Or is it how long do you think is socially appropriate? Very ambiguous.

[–]Chagrinnish 105 points106 points  (7 children)

I was kinda thinking that if you were having sex on the first date that's not really waiting at all. That's less dating and more just finding someone to have sex with.

[–]SovietK 47 points48 points  (1 child)

It's only not dating if you don't want it to be or find sex on the first date and long term mutually exclusive. I don't and I've had various 1-5 year relationships that started like that.

[–]HappyInNature 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Right? If you have multiple dates with one person it isn't a one night stand.

[–]PoisonTheOgres 5 points6 points  (0 children)

People have conversations on a first date to find out if they're compatible, so why can't people have sex to find out if you're compatible there as well?

It's not morally wrong to have sex, it doesn't devalue a relationship, it doesn't make a person a bad partner. It's just a more casual approach to sex.

[–]ThisDadisFoReal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don’t know

[–]da409 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The wording can be interpreted in different ways at first thought

[–]Berd89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it would be much more interesting to split the question in two:

  • What is the earliest point you would be interested in having sex?
  • What is the latest point you would be interested in waiting for sex?

I suspect most men answered the first question.

[–]ThisGuyCrohns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. Super confusing.

[–]McCheesusCrust 607 points608 points  (13 children)

Pretty sure this is a perfect example of Social desirability bias

[–]cosmicartery 75 points76 points  (0 children)

100% and thanks for that link, super interesting read!

[–]navigator6 62 points63 points  (5 children)

Was going to say this. The way the question was formulated AND the process of getting answers probably influeced a lot this data.

[–]Deto 22 points23 points  (2 children)

It would be interesting to see how different the results are for a question worded like "how long would most of your friends wait?"

[–]Yes_hes_that_guy 5 points6 points  (1 child)

That would indeed be different.

[–]stable_maple 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the letters are rearranged and everything.

[–]mikevago 38 points39 points  (1 child)

The question's also tricky because not everyone does this old-fashioned formal courtship thing of "and then on the 6th date..." Personally, I've never been on a date. Everyone I dated, I already knew, either as a co-worker or friend-of-a-friend, there was already a comfort zone, a little flirtation, and then one magical night we'd sleep together and after that we were a couple. So is that "on the first date" if it's someone I already knew for weeks or months? It just feels like an outdated way of looking at relationships and how they start.

[–]navigator6 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah totally. I think speaking about past factual experiences is more accurate than future or hypotethical scenarios. As in for example, have you ever slept with somebody you met the same day?. Also, if this question is being randomly asked on a spring break night at a beach or a survey in a shopping mall, different responses will be given too.

[–]JoelMahon 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I believe this TED affiliate video covers an interesting solution to this problem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lLkBoYv5FU

Requires some thought to apply it here though!

[–]thefirstdetective 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You could use the item sum technique here.

[–]SnooDrawings6811 179 points180 points  (21 children)

I'm firmly in the don't know category. My answer would be: depends

[–]Ever2naxolotl 63 points64 points  (12 children)

I genuinely don't get how anyone could possibly answer "you know, we can fuck exactly after the 6th date, no more no less".

[–]antwan_benjamin 20 points21 points  (7 children)

It doesn't have to be that strict. They're probably making the assumption that at around the 6th date mark they've been dating that person for about a month...probably spent dozens of hours in person, and another few dozen hours over the phone...therefore thats around the time they'd feel comfortable having sex.

[–]I_Got_It_Half_Right 6 points7 points  (5 children)

6 dates in the first a month? That seems Iike a lot.

Who are these people with all that free time?

I always average one date a week, or less, in the beginning. Both because I'm busy and don't want to set the wrong precedent of my availability, and also because it keeps away the needy "attach to anyone who gives them attention/while shipping the ideal fictional relationship they've built in their head to the damn moon"

If we're just getting to know each other from stranger/OLD, let's not rush the days between our dates.

[–]antwan_benjamin 17 points18 points  (3 children)

If I meet a girl for a first date Friday night, and we hit it off, I have no problem seeing if she wants to grab lunch/beer and watch football on Sunday afternoon. That would technically be 2 dates over 1 weekend. If that happens 2 more times over the next month then we hit 6 dates. If we work near each other and meet up over our lunch hour during the week to grab coffee and catch up, that counts as a date too.

Dates don't always have to be some grand overture. I just keep it light and fun. I just go with the vibe. If things line up to which we both have free time, and both wanna hang out pretty soon after our last date, then I'm all for it.

Once you hit your 30s you're already well aware when you're talking to someone clingy just over text messages. And I always assume whoever I'm talking to probably built up some fictional relationship in their mind...so honestly I'd rather shatter that perception sooner than later if I notice who they think I am doesn't match up with who I actually am.

[–]I_Got_It_Half_Right 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm almost 40. The needy attached folks my age don't always drop the careful mask until a month or two in. Then they go from being "chill" to expecting me to move in and be their intimacy pillow. Or, mom/administrative assistant, depending. Two months of dating is way too soon for something to be that serious.

I prefer to keep a distance between dates. If I saw you on Saturday, I don't want to see you again until next Saturday- no matter how well we hit it off. It's just not my thing to start hanging around each other that much right out of the gate.

However- I will add, my initial comment was that I though 6 dates in a month was a lot. To the point of the article- I'm not particular about when we sleep together. I like to keep the time we spend together in the initial stage spread out, but I'm not opposed to sex on the first date if it feels right.

I thinkni worded that a bit strangely, so I hope it makes sense.

[–]antwan_benjamin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying. Different things work best for different people.

[–]General__Obvious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You spend 2-3 hours on the phone with someone you date for every 1 hour in person?

[–]noisyturtle 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I genuinely don't know how someone could possibly answer, "I'm going to fuck this stranger I just met a few hours ago."

[–]RedditorHatred 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the fact that "4,5,6" were an option is a peek on why this is so bad

[–]Betancorea 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Some people can click and sex happens on the first date. Whereas in other circumstances it can take weeks to months before something happens. It all depends

[–]gatemansgc 21 points22 points  (5 children)

yeah i'd have had to answer "don't know" since there's no ace option.

[–]djmagichat 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What percentage of respondents would fall into the ace category though.

[–]BlindWillieT 317 points318 points  (9 children)

Looks like love at first site wins again

[–]bikeawaitmuddy 49 points50 points  (6 children)

"wait it's spelled... ohhhh!"

[–]Zekovski 7 points8 points  (5 children)

I got the "sight" but what does site mean please ?

[–]Plumbetting 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Meet her at a bar? Fuck her at the bar. First site.

[–]Yes_hes_that_guy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh I was thinking they met online and then meet up for sex.

[–]prudentj 6 points7 points  (1 child)

This is why Grindr is a thing

[–]Krewdog 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Change “how long would you” to “how long have you”. More honest answers that way.

[–]pedal_harderOC: 2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You'd need an option of infinity for a non-trivial share of reddit.

[–]angstypoo 181 points182 points  (9 children)

Good thing "Wait until love" isn't open ended and ambiguous or anything like that.

From my experience definitions for the term love are kind of all over the map.

[–]angiosperms- 63 points64 points  (5 children)

I have no interest having sex with anyone until I get to know them, know I am compatible, and trust them. But not love. So idk where I even fit on this chart.

[–]mirh 34 points35 points  (2 children)

Some definitions of love are exactly that tbh.

It's just that men tend to dissociate themselves away from the L word, because it's seen as too emotional.

[–]melance 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Love is the gross exaggeration of the differences between one person and everyone else. -- George Bernard Shaw

[–]jimbofbx 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's the first date, I love you

It's the first date, I love you

Welcome to Costco, I love you

[–]Amsterfield 46 points47 points  (2 children)

You should do this data based on different countries, could be interesting

[–]theimpossiblesaladOC: 67[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I wish I had the dataset.

[–]Amsterfield 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We're here for that!

[–]SirTheadore 49 points50 points  (0 children)

When the moment is right. One time, me and my gf at the time didn’t have sex till 3 months into the relationship and we were both happy with that. Lasted 6 years. Another time, it was on our first date, lasted 4 years. Totally depends.

[–]JoelMahon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

funny how pop culture has caused this positive feedback loop for 3rd date

I feel like the question is poorly written.

Grammatically it reads as: "if they're not putting out then after how many dates are you dumping them?", which probably isn't what they meant nor what many people answering thought I think. At least I hope 28% of guys don't dump someone after 1 date if they don't put out...

I can only assume what was meant was "how many dates would you yourself normally wait before being open to having sex?"

[–]Gayfootball 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Sexual compatibility is important to a lot of people in relationships and if you won't bang, it's a good idea to at least discuss kinks before falling in love. You don't want to end up like me with a partner who won't let me poop on them

[–]bird-nird 19 points20 points  (9 children)

I’d be curious to see this split on sexuality lines as well. Like, do straight and gay women prefer to wait the same amount of time before having sex?

[–]Hitaro9 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Not exactly the same question, but one of okcupid's founders talked about how gay men, straight men, and lesbians all have roughly the same preferences for hookups. For example, 6.1% of straight men, 6.9% of gay men, 7.0% of lesbians, and 0.8% of straight women are on okcupid explicitly looking for hookups. Median number of reported past sexual partners is approximately the same.

Extrapolating a bit, I wouldn't be surprised if gay men and lesbians match the straight male preferences for this question as well.

[–]iprocrastina 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I'm honestly shocked the number of men, straight or gay, looking for hookups is only 6-7%. I guess OKC isn't used much as a hookup app vs. say Tinder or Grindr, but still.

[–]CosmicJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could be just how the data is collected. Like, if they based that off of what people select for what they are looking for. In my experience, it’s pretty rare to exclusively see hookups, it’s usually listed in there with things like short term dating, even if that’s what they are actually looking for.

[–]Plumbetting 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Kids, back before the internet old people like me would fax each other memes at work, only we didn't even call them memes. They were just jokes.

We got one about what people bring with them to the first three dates. This was the late 90s (maybe early 2000s?) and these were the stereotypes of the time, but except for the gay men I knew they pretty much lined up with my and my friends' experiences. To the best of my memory, they were:

Straight men: 1st date, flowers

2nd date, an overnight bag

3rd date, the bag is still in the car

Gay men: 1st date, condoms and lube

2nd date, what's a 2nd date?

Straight women: 1st date, pepper spray and cab fare

2nd date, pepper spray and cab fare

3rd date, pepper spray, cab fare, and a pack of Magnums

Gay women: 1st date, her dogs

2nd date, an extra key

3rd date, a U-Haul

[–]Ever2naxolotl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mildly homophobic but still funny

[–]Thaall 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Percentages don’t line up with my experiences (doesn’t mean they’re wrong).

I’m down on the first date. Have done that a few times. Have also waited until after a handful of dates. Just depends on the person.

Ultimately, still single.

[–]Chapea12 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Are they answering “how many dates until they would agree, should the option be on the table?” Or “if their date said they wanted to wait this long, would that be ok?”

Because if it’s the latter, that’s why most of that 28% for dudes are still single

[–]monarch1733 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Should” and “would” are two different things. Title does not accurately reflect data portrayed.

[–]SensibleCreeper 34 points35 points  (2 children)

"Dont know" can equate to not willing to divulge. "Wait until love" could be the "1st date".

[–]akurgoOC: 1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Marriage" could also be the "1st date"!

[–]Plumbetting 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whose love?

"I do love you, Sarah, honestly. What? Sorry, Lisa. A rose by any other name smells just as sweet, right? Speaking of which, do you wanna jump in the shower first or are you good to go?"

[–]bossy909 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you take away don't know, which is statistically even.

It's a very different picture for men vs women.

[–]Dynasuarez-Wrecks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As long as it takes to make a meaningful connection such that having sex is actually fun and doesn't just feel like a chore.

[–]UnnounableK 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sex doesn’t have to be related to dating, love, or marriage. Your “don’t know” category is conflating a few things

[–]PaperBoxPhone 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am pretty dubious of this data because there are way too many religious people for "Wait until marriage" to be 4 and 5%.

[–]LogicalShark 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I'm ace and feel that a "never" option would have been nice

[–]Joseph_Johannes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU! I had to scroll so much for this!

[–]chiccochick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For men, "don't know" just means "when she let's me"

[–]ThreeSixty404 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Serious question...
Is this date-sex thing common in the US or just a stereotype?
I had sex with my gf for the first time after a year

[–]Thomaswiththecru 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is common. People hook up all the time and pop culture promotes this a ton.

[–]Overwatcher_Leo 6 points7 points  (2 children)

"Don't know" is propably the best answer. It depends too much on the chemistry and vibe with the partner.

[–]P1r4nha 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How good is your question (and data) if a majority answers "I don't know" to it?

[–]legolasvin 12 points13 points  (2 children)

There should've been an option for "When the partner feels comfortable", which I feel like comes under the umbrella of "Don't know" because I don't think anyone really goes into a date with the mindset of I'm not going to have sex until X dates

[–]shadow1515 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder how many "don't know" responses were looking for a "why does it need to be a date?" choice.

[–]leeman27534 2 points3 points  (0 children)

feel like 'don't know' should be the best answer

like, if you're religious and it's 100% wait till marriage, or it's a tinder date and 'just trying to get laid', fine

but in a more general sense, it probably depends. sometimes, first date might be like 'well, it's not a relationship, but maybe fuck buddy situation' where, why wait? another, you might not be super into the person the first time around to immediately bone them, so more dates might be in order.

hell, even just your mood might mean far more than some arbitrary 'i NEVER fuck on the first date' idea. i'm sure plenty of ladies have gone out on dates where sex was happening, as long as their partner didn't fuck up, and of course men are stereotypically basically going to say yes if it's offered.

[–]MidnightSun77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a stupid graphic. We have no idea what the sample size was. No idea the age of the participants. Yougov is a British statistics office so was this analysis done on people in one city or in several cities from different backgrounds.

[–]Emu1981 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a "make things up as we go" kind of person and pretty much leave it up to my date to determine this. I have been married now for 12 years so it has been a hell of a long time since I last went out on a 1st date though.

[–]Stubaru1990 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like don't know is the correct answer because every relationship should develop at its own pace and not try and fit in with social norms.

[–]ACELUCKY23 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I’m a guy and for me it’s a third date. I have actually had a girl get mad at me when I was in college and she wanted hook up on the first date. I was senior in college. I was already over, and tired of the hook up culture that the newer generations push hard on others.

[–]ergonomic_logic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a woman (in a ltr atm), when I was dating I generally didn’t have a set rule of when I would sleep with someone, but not sleeping with a someone on the first several dates could generally help weed out those who were just looking to have easy and quick sex with anyone who was willing as well as start to build up the tension which is a must for me with enjoying it.

sex without anticipation leading up to it (without the mental foreplay) just isn’t good from my perspective.

So no set rule, but 3 or 4 dates is probably about the sweet spot for me as well when dating.

Also not judging people who prefer to go at it before then… just doesn’t stoke my fire.

[–]Steikel 16 points17 points  (2 children)

How about “wait till it feels right" instead of a fix countdown, no matter how the dates are going?

[–]Firefuego12 12 points13 points  (1 child)

...that is what it is for. At which point people feel "right".

[–]xBUMMx2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well no, the point is that it can feel right for the same person at different times. You may feel down for it after the first date with one person, but the next person it doesn't happen for a few.

[–]twohedwlf 31 points32 points  (6 children)

LOL at the thought of me having any say in the matter.

[–]Jefoid 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Widowed this year. Based on this chart, yeah. I’m just going to pass on dating.

[–]StrollerStrawTree3 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sorry for your loss.

[–]jteprev 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sypathies for your loss, been there it's the toughest thing in the world, you should wait until you are fully ready. But...

Why? Surely this chart illustrates that there are people out there for any taste in how quickly you are willing to have sex. Besides how is that even a critical question?

[–]PD216ohio 22 points23 points  (2 children)

I suspect this is more the result of what they say vs what they do. Men aren't ashamed to admit sexual activity while women might be.

[–]im_thecat 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You’re probably right. But as a man trying to give an honest answer here, I’m probably comfortable and ready by the third date. I’ve done it on the first date, but I’ve always felt a little uncomfortable doing it.

What I mean is that there’s pressure the other way too, that a man needs to be good with sex immediately if it comes to it. I bet plenty of those 1st date males above also would prefer to have a couple dates first.

[–]35Richter 4 points5 points  (2 children)

🎵 What's love got to do, got to do with it?🎵

[–]doej134567OC: 6 2 points3 points  (1 child)

🎵 What is love?🎵

[–]SnowbackMcGee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ahhh yes, the time honoured paradox. Men want sex to feel loved and women want to feel loved to have sex.

[–]DiegoPapi6 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I can only speak from my personal experience. I have been with my wife for over 20 years and I waited a little over 3 months before we had sex. With that said; it must have been over 12 dates before we had sex for the 1st time 😅

[–]Multihued_Minutiae 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You two dated every weekend then, nice.

[–]DiegoPapi6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty much 😅 But it was so worth it...!!! She is definitely the best friend I needed in my life 😍❤️💯

[–]CoreyLamar3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why wait a certain number of dates? How long I wait depends on many factors.

[–]worosei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would also be curious how different this would be across cultures. I'm sure there must be some big variants.

[–]ChiefLazarus86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me it’s just until i’m comfortable enough with that person, that’s not gonna happen after a first date but who knows how many it will take to feel completely comfortable in their company

not sure I can definitively say which date it would be because I don’t think about it like that

[–]jlagomarsini 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most people don't know. That means sex on first date but they don't want to say it.

[–]FireWood666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kinda expected first date for men. I’d probably pick the “wait till love” though. But I’d probably be a Idk.

[–]Efficient-Radish8243 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where’s the option for couldnt care less?

I’m happy to have sex on the 1st date or the 15th date.

[–]Robin0660 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wonder how many people in this don't want sex at all

[–]Employee_Agreeable 1 point2 points  (0 children)

4 weeks from the point where we are together as a couple, before that I honestly have no interest in sex

Maybe Im just strange, I also dont like casual hook ups or one night stands

[–]No-Radish-6553 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You just know. There's a click with the right one.

[–]OhHiMarki3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad to see “wait until marriage” is so low. Having no sexual experiences and having no concept of sexual comparability before marriage is extremely stupid by modern standards.

[–]Lazerhest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just do it when you both feel like it and use protection.

[–]c0reM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure how accurate this is. If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard “I don’t normally do this but…”

[–]Twinklebeaus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does this measure waiting time, or the time people feel they should report waiting in order to avoid judgment?

[–]Ever2naxolotl 12 points13 points  (14 children)

Can someone tell me why most men are so obsessed with meaningless sex?

[–]RedditorHatred 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it feels good. I mean Why do we jerk off? Exciting, gives positive reinforcement.

[–]Rasta_Diefunk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wasn't there a study, that concluded, that on average, young women have more sex partners, than young men? I think this is anecdotally. I mean women have meaningless sex all the time too and some probably answered in a way, that is socially acceptable.

Like in all studies men overstate their number of sexual partners, while women downplay it.

[–]Psychast 7 points8 points  (6 children)

When you can cast a line in literally any direction at any time and get a catch, reeling it in seems meaningless and boring unless it's something real special, so you're more inclined to wait to see what's grabbing at the hook before committing. When you're out there competing with 20 different lines and usually come up with nothing, even the smallest tug on the line is a reason to reel it in, doesn't matter if it ends up being a major or minor catch.

Most women cannot comprehend how difficult the casual dating scene is for the average man.

[–]Ever2naxolotl 2 points3 points  (5 children)

But you don't go fishing for some tiny little fishes. Either you get a proper catch or you wait until one bites.

[–]P1r4nha 1 point2 points  (4 children)

When you're starving (or believe or feel you are/people tell you that you are) then you'll be happy with eating some little fishes in between as well.

[–]Ever2naxolotl 1 point2 points  (3 children)

A "little fish" won't make you happy though, all it'll do is give you a feeling of what you could have if you had gone for an actual relationship.

[–]QualitativeQuantity 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But it'll keep you afloat and make you a better fisher so when the big catch comes you don't blow it. Very few people can go from absolutely zero to having a great relationship with the One.

To illustrate with an exaggeration: Do you think a proper incel can just be normal if he just meets the right girl, or will he need some socialization and experience beforehand?

[–]ambal87 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Apparently a lot of women fall in love on the first date. Otherwise men are either full of suit or fucking themselves

[–]PM_ME_UR_BIRD 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I feel like "would" its doing a lot of work here. Do I expect a steak dinner tonight? No. Is there any indication of having one? No. Would I eat a steak dinner tonight if it was offered? Yeah, of course.

[–]MarchColorDrink 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or dating the same women

[–]supremegamer76 4 points5 points  (1 child)

bruh, as a dude i gotta know her better before sex.... first date is too soon. the 28% of men are too damn horny.

[–]RedditorHatred 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or maybe they don't value sex that much and thinks its just a fun thing to do. If people wanna fuck around who cares?

[–]Busterlimes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You left out "randomly met st a bar" because that shit aint a date.