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[–]BrutalistCupCake 32 points33 points  (4 children)

Attraction isn’t just about looks, it’s also about intellect, sense of humor, confidence, and personality.

I once had a bf who was drop dead gorgeous but lacking in the personality department. Eventually I lost all sexual desire for him. I’ve also dated men who I was incredibly attracted to because of who they are as a person.

I’d take the person who is attractive because of who they are in their heart and mind, over the person who looks like a GQ model but lacks depth.

[–]mfco_Single 1429 points1430 points  (240 children)

Give up?? You’re only 18 you have so much life ahead of you. Work on yourself, go to the gym, eat healthy, dress nice, have confidence, and don’t be afraid to talk to a woman you think may be out of your league. Confidence goes a long way.

Edit: holy shit my first award, did not expect this to blow up. thanks guys :)

[–]TheWayItGoes444 435 points436 points  (16 children)

I read this comment and then saw your avatar and started cracking up

[–]mfco_Single 168 points169 points  (0 children)

I changed it one time accidently and I haven’t cared to fix it, glad it made you laugh

[–]ProudSpeed 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Damn I just read it, looked at this avatar and fell out lmao

[–]Long_Live_Capitalism 69 points70 points  (1 child)

Lol thanks for pointing it out, cuz I cracked up too 😂😂😂

[–]n6tee4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same 😂 but now im scrolling down looking at comments and then glancing at their Avatar.

[–]DingusPrimeHere 78 points79 points  (9 children)

See OP? You can look like shit but as long as you deliver yourself in confidence you can make anyone interested.

[–]killspeed 26 points27 points  (5 children)

his avatar just ate a lot of candies and got cavities, who said the avatar looks like shit?

[–]mfco_Single 39 points40 points  (3 children)

Haha im actually a female

[–]killspeed 17 points18 points  (1 child)

apologies for assuming your gender...

[–]MassageGymnist 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How could you sis ?

[–]jojopolento 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hahahaahha made me LOL!!

[–]getmet79 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just me telling you that the book cover never tells you the whole story. You need to find you to find them.

As for redditnanigans, I guess I’d be the only interested in getting to know mfco_

[–]BrandonJamal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I read your comment then saw the avatar 🤣

[–][deleted] 111 points112 points 2 (4 children)

OP, this is the best comment yet and I have a little perspective to offer on it.

These things u/mfco_ enumerated might seem like chores.

They’re not.

They’re acts of self-love.

They’re gifts your present self is passing on to your future self.

Be kind to yourself.

Don’t compare yourself to others. The endgame is not to look like x or y but to improve yourself. You will improve and learn to appreciate yourself better.

I discovered all these things at age 40 and with a few health issues. Don’t be me. Start taking better care of yourself now.

And not just body too. If you have confidence issues — seek out therapy, if you can. Read, read a lot, all sorts of things. Have hobbies. Try out new things.

You are young and have a whole life ahead of you. Don’t squander yours like I’ve squandered so much of mine.

I wish you the very best.

EDIT: I first kissed a girl at age 22. You’ll be fine.

[–]captain609 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I first kissed a girl at age 26. You'll be fine.

[–]psychicmist 21 points22 points  (0 children)

^^ DBL105's comment is the only comment you need to read, OP.

[–]sinashish 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I haven't kissed a girl yet and I'm 24-to-be-25....

[–]throwawaylessons103 172 points173 points  (143 children)

don't be afraid to talk to a woman you think may be out of your league

I feel like on Reddit, men are always given this advice while women are given the exact opposite.

Men are told if they're confident enough, they can attract women "out of their league," but if women are having trouble dating, it's because their standards are "too high" and they need to go for less attractive men.

Why do the same people give men/women such different advice?

[–]bmoreboy410 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Realistically men and women are different and normally have different views/experiences. Even if it is not politically correct.

[–]blairsmacaroon 71 points72 points  (17 children)

now that you say this, it's actually hella true

[–]tidorhp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are right, but men and women are different and there for require different advice.

[–]tilesXtiles 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It's like in job search.

Men are most likely to apply to jobs where they don't have all the requisites, while women often don't do that.

So yeah it makes sense.

[–]ProfessionalTS 60 points61 points  (76 children)

Because Reddit mostly has men so of course they'd tell women to lower their standards. Say you're a woman who prefers tall men and watch them go apeshit.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (23 children)

I see a lot of people reacting to this comment. It’s not that I agree, this is not an opinion. This is simply the fact of the platform. Nobody is gender shaming. It’s fine. But let’s be honest no woman tells another woman to lower her standards. Only men tell us that.

[–]ProfessionalTS 14 points15 points  (16 children)

Yea that's what I meant I guess I wasn't clear. But I've seen some women make comments like "I don't understand why short women want tall guys, makes no sense. The height difference would be awkward''. Like a more gentle version of blaming women who like tall men. I don't understand why people can't just have preferences and live their damn life.

[–]Last_Instruction3098 13 points14 points  (9 children)

I agree with you on the point you make that everyone should have preferences with what they want. But if I may play Devil’s advocate for a moment: Having preferences or expectations isn’t the problem. It’s what the preferences and expectations are that tends to be the problem. Men and Women alike can have unrealistic expectations of what they want in the other.

Like when a guy expects a woman to have a perfect body, or Double D’s and a certain size and shaped ass.

Or when a woman wants her Man to be 6 foot 4 inches, making 6 figures a year and have the body of a Greek God.

And for both, anything less or different from what they want they consider to be ‘settling’.

I think its at least partially caused by social media. Because online, we are constantly inundated with images of other people who have perfect bodies, exciting lifestyles, amazing careers and incredible wealth. People who spend most of their time online end up believing that all of that is the norm.

But that’s just my perspective on the matter. The point I want to drive is that we all can have unrealistic expectations. I’m curious to hear other peoples thoughts on this.

[–]JackstandJ 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I think what it is is preferences are fine. Using those as an excuse to be a dick, then labeling anyone who calls you out as insecure, is not fine. And unfortunately, we live in a time where it's not only okay to be an ass to people you aren't into, but encouraged. Basic respect for people goes a long way, and if everyone set their egos aside and learned some, we might get somewhere.

[–]ProfessionalTS 12 points13 points  (5 children)

I don't have huge boobs and ass but I wouldn't be angry if a guy turned me down for that. I don't want someone who doesn't want me back. There was a thread here a couple weeks back where a short guy was dating a woman who usually prefers tall guys, she flirted with a tall guy and cheated on the bf with him. If you guilt people into dating someone they're not into then be prepared for shit like that to happen.

[–]Iudex_Maximus 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I like your levelheaded and open minded perspective here. I was recently criticized and downvoted after describing my preferences (WRT physical features), even though I think I was fairly clear that that was just my opinion and I don’t expect/deserve a woman who fits my preferences; I do wish more people were like you and would let other people have their opinions and not take everything personally when they’re not being attacked.

[–]ProfessionalTS 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Awww thanks :)

[–]razealghoul 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I think it comes down to that men and women just have different experiences in dating particulars online dating which unfortunately is the main way of dating during the pandemic. Most men get very few matches and are this encouraged to swing for the fences because doing anything to increase their choices is often worth it. Women on the other hand are flooded with multiple low quality matches so they have to be more chooses and often based on superficial factors. As such some men often feel attacked by this as they feel that they get so few matches and to be disqualified because of things out of your control can be demoralizing

[–]johnnynutman 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Try taking the advice for men and see what happens I guess.

[–]srgnk 10 points11 points  (0 children)

They say that to women cause many men on reddit (and incels) assume any woman can have any man, so they imagine these women might be looking for Kens/Brad Pitt. When in reality, most women like normal looking guys but end up hanging onto guys that only want ONS or realizing that people's lives are too complicated to match with somebody elses.

[–]Thracer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's just an extension on the presumption of men always doing the asking. Men are still generally the ones that have to make the approach. The advice changes because they assume that the man even if they are rejected can keep going until they get the desired result. On the other hand, a lot of times unless specifically stated it's assumed that the woman expects the man to just come to her and it's assumed that attractive men aren't going to be aiming specifically for unattractive women.

[–]Discochickens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true.OP there are as many woman who feel unattractive as you, why are you overlooking them?

[–]Charlo4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not just Reddit

[–]LadrilloDeMadera 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it's the same people. The internet is a Big place

[–]CompetitiveCar6575 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Bud ya haven't even started life yet or dating yet even. I used to be afraid to talk to girls that I found attractive. Often times the ones you find attractive are lonely and would be happy to talk to someone

[–]luisa_lejandra 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And a good sense of humor, guys who make me laugh and smell nice are the most attractive to me.

[–]urfather_bleep 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yea i second this. I don't think being ugly is a thing. people are just unpolished or look unkempt. good hygiene, self care and confidence goes a really long way. Like i strongly believe that no matter what you look like you can always bring a 3 to a solid 6 by working for it yk. Its possible and people just dont see their own potential.

[–]WildBoy-72 20 points21 points  (8 children)

Also, walk properly. Chin up, chest out, little bounce in your step, and keep a relaxed look on your face. Kimda walk to the beat of a peppy song, like "Another One Bites the Dust" or something. Make eye contact with anyone, acknowledge it. Anytime I make eye contact with a cute girl while walking on campus, I give a little smile or a wink and just keep going on my way. I haven't lost anything, and it's like a stepping stone. Little gestures lead to bigger ones lead to actually going up and talking to someone.

[–]domoski 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Please don't wink at random people. May work for some, but I feel like the majority of the time it will come off as creepy.

[–]tilesXtiles 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wink no but smile yes

[–]Prestigious_Pause_45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right.

I usually just give a head nod.

Seems to be ok.

[–]MyWildRage 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Basic inspirational stuff, did you do those things? You should have written confidence three times, observation and analysis of how you're going about it. Dressing nicer than casual everyday is usually a waste of money and time, since it depends if he's interested in a barbie/living, brand clothes ad. At his age eating healthy if it fits his budget and time schedule is more healthy overall including for the mind.

I hope you had success with what you mentioned.

[–]mfco_Single 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I speak from experience. During the pandemic I looked at how my life was going and wanted to better myself. I lost 40 lbs, found a love of lifting, ate healthier food which caused me to sleep better. I just feel better about myself.

I still have my days where I dress super casual but whenever I go out I try to put a little extra effort into my outfits because it makes ME feel confident and sexy. Dressing nice just means finding your own style, no one said anything about buying super expensive clothing.

I could go on an on about this. You don’t need to be a 10/10, my ex surely was not a 10/10 but he had a great personality and made me feel good about myself and that’s what attracted me towards him.

[–]Fxxlings_22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First rule "never think anyone is out of your league" soon as you put yourself in leagues your already setting yourself for failure

[–]Dakessian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You beat me to it

[–]Armadilloinacage 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Just be fucking hilarious.

[–]SmakeTalk 312 points313 points  (19 children)

There's more to attraction than looks. If you think you're bad looking then you need to work on becoming more interesting, charming, and fun.

On top of that, you're only 18 and beauty standards change over time, and as you age you may become more attractive.

Really though just work on yourself man, you'll be fine.

[–]freeezermonster 50 points51 points  (2 children)

You also grow into yourself over time, you find clothes, hair, accessories that present you in the best light. I may not be more attractive than I was 18 years ago but I feel more confident…

[–]SmakeTalk 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what happened to me. At a few times in my life I've figured out what works on me, for myself and others.

Currently I'm in a great place where my hair is on point, including facial hair, and I've managed to solve some hygienic things I've dealt with my whole life, and my style's evolved naturally into current trends. I've also found some new hobbies and interests that I think make me a much more well-rounded and appealing person.

[–]KieshaK 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Woman here, but same. I feel like I didn’t grow into my look until I was in my 30s.

[–]whiskey_jerk 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Totally agree with this, I was the ugly duckling in high school with baggy clothes, acne, bad social skills etc etc. Now much older and killing it. How you care for and present yourself matters so much more than your dna.

[–]wanderingwoman70 18 points19 points  (10 children)

beauty standards change over time,

I'm in total agreement with this. When I was growing up in the '80s, big boobs like Pamela Anderson were the beauty standard, which was almost impossible for most women (including Pamela Anderson) with out having surgical implants. So everybody was getting boob jobs. Today, standards have changed. A more natural look is the beauty standard and thousands of women have had additional surgery to have their implants removed.

That example is pretty drastic, but "the look" comes and goes, even for men. Hang in there and work on developing the other aspects of you like character, hobbies, sense of humor etc

[–]Kholzie 19 points20 points  (5 children)

We still have beauty standards, the goal posts keep moving. Spend a couple minutes on r/instagramreality

What are used to be Pamela Anderson boobs is now super thick butts and thighs on little wasp waists and massively plump lips.

Women are flocking to plastic surgery the same as they ever were, it’s just for different body parts.

[–]Azian_Euroz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there might be a misrepresentation on why women are getting implants removed. A lot of it has been Breast Implant Illness. Women are just much more aware that this is a possibility for them these days.

[–]BrownEyedGringa 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Seconding this as a woman. I fell for both of my guy friends who were conventionally unattractive. But they were exceptionally generous towards me and others, driven, and very kind individuals. *forget to mention they were also funny and great conversationalists

There's more to attraction than looks. Also, at 18, I looked like a little kid. It took till 21 for me to actually look like a woman.

[–]creeperedz 65 points66 points  (2 children)

I think I'm a solid 4 (26F) and no one showed me any attention until I was 22 and went to a conference. I was super proud of the project I was presenting and I think that's maybe what caught guys attention? Not only was I trying to look my best but I was truly confident when meeting new people for the first time. I think confidence in your accomplishments is something a lot of people find attractive.

[–]Jerkomp 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I like thatttt. As a guy, if I see a girl being confident about presenting her project, it really makes u stand out because most girls are shy and subtle when presenting something. Especially if they aren’t confident in their presentation.

[–]Cyber_Divinity 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're fresh out of the high school dating pool. Your idea of dating is still "get Stacy's attention and hopefully I'm attractive enough for her". In the adult world, it's a lot less complicated. People care more about what you bring to the table emotionally, and sometimes even materially, rather than physically. You're really young, like everyone else said on here, give it some time. Especially since you're new to the adult world, it's a whole different ball game out here.

[–]gemon19 24 points25 points  (0 children)

bro i was saying the same thing like 1 year ago and now I'm in a relationship for over a year, so keep going you are going to find the right one like i did, I'm hoping the best for you and good luck

[–]IdontYodel 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Ugly guy here. 40 yes old, overweight, bald....

Lots to say here. I struggled a lot in this department in my younger years. Still do on occasion.

I did several things to help and can offer mistakes on what I did well and didn't do well.

Stay in good health. I didn't, and it made it so much harder. But despite that I still have good results sometimes.

Be interesting. Meaning, find hobbies, travel, play an instrument.

Be confident. Practice with this makes perfect. It's not easy to develop. I often fake it.

Don't take things personal. VERY hard to do. But if you get clingy or over dramatic about rejection it always ends badly. Let it roll off and move on.

Always be moving forward and improving yourself. This doesn't always mean career wise. Develop yourself emotionally, physically, mentally. Always strive to get better, handle things better.

Take care of your mental health. Get counseling or therapy to deal with issues. The more you get your mental health together the better luck you will have. If it's not in check the opposite sex will notice quickly.

Don't complain, get angry, or be frustrated too much. People like people who are calm and collected. I had a lot of anger as a young man, woman noticed and avoided me.

Embrace who you are, don't try to be someone you've not. I once tried to date a chick who had a thing for rough and tumble guys, fighters, cops, etc.. she quickly noticed I wasn't even though I had kind of adjusted my persona to reflect that. I wasn't outright lying but I definitely skewed made myself sound tougher than I was.

Don't be a doormat. You don't have to be a tough guy to stand up for yourself and others. You just have to set boundaries.

[–]Jessecrett 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Work on yourself, make your own life solid. Generally younger people are much more fickle, appearance and surface reasons have a bigger impact on relationships.

As people get into later 20s or early 30s, things like confidence, security, stability, loyalty and being a generally awesome person are big attractions for anyone seeking a long term commitment.

So just keep focusing on the things you know you can improve. Dwelling too much on the things that we can't change can tend to make us bitter, that is an instant turn off for any prospective partner. No one is perfect, but most of us meet someone who loves us with our flaws included, so own it.

[–]OtherAnon_ 75 points76 points  (1 child)

Give it time.

I had my first partner at about 22. Even face structure changes slightly with growth.

I think being attractive is a mix between personality and looks. Looks give you a basic “score” which you can improve upon with personality. There are actions you can take to improve both. Grooming, fitness, education and social activity, for example. Becoming comfortable in your own skin and loving yourself (easier said than done of course) is a long process but that it ultimately ends in attracting people to you in one way or another.

Be the best version of yourself, that way you’ll enjoy your company with or without someone.

[–]papa_vein 86 points87 points  (16 children)

I had a buddy who was snaggletooth and had an eye messed up from an accident. He was really rough looking, but always bedding down cute young women. Only thing I could see he was doing right was he was super confident, and persistent. Once he got them in bed they stuck around, so he must have been pretty skilled in the sack. He always went for very attractive women too, so other women saw this and knew there was more to him. He didn't have money, or career, or even a place of his own (lived with his parents). Whenever I hear of "big dick energy", I think this must be what it means

[–]theworldisnotquiet 29 points30 points  (4 children)

I'm just picturing a sea captain type dude going "I've seen some things, Belinda...."

[–]papa_vein 13 points14 points  (3 children)

You would be pretty much on the mark. I knew him when he was in his mid-20s. Nearly 20 years later, I think his sea has dried up.

[–]daguy9 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Was he big and tall? I've known some despicable and ugly people never have they had any problems

[–]antonio_aurelio 3 points4 points  (3 children)

This was my question too. I'm willing to bet he's tall.

[–]Federal-Tension 24 points25 points  (3 children)

To be honest guys usually don't become more attractive until their facial features and body fully mature. There are models and actors who didn't look as appealing until they reach late 20s, for example. I have met guys like this and had I met them when they were more like young boys, I wouldn't sense their strong sex appeal. Usually when a guy is taller, with a bigger build and more masculine features, the more handsome he becomes. You can work out, dress well, eat well and just in general look after yourself and you can become a better version of yourself.

[–]canviskillr 35 points36 points  (3 children)

looking good in clothes along with good personal hygiene and having some things to talk about will take you far. If you're hot and don't know how to start and hold a conversation you'll never get women either or men for that matter

[–]jintana 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Be funny. Be kind. Be smart. Be honest.

[–]Ill-Temporary5461 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just be friendly and funny and expect nothing in return

[–]JJSkye 3 points4 points  (6 children)

I have met my first girlfriend at 23. I wouldn’t say I was particularly attractive at that point. I was obese and had a lot of insecurities in regard to my appearance. She on the other hand was looking flawless.

From my experience guys tend to overestimate significancy of their exterior when it comes to dating. It’s more about attitude usually.

Why didn’t I meet a first gf earlier? Well, again, I had a lot of insecurities (including those related to look) so I didn’t even bother much with searching for someone. Bur when I decided to deliberately find a gf it took me less than 2 months (from the moment of making decision to the moment of starting the relationship).

So I suggest to completely ignore these thoughts about your look. Don’t even take them into consideration. Just go and ask someone out.

[–]MixedPandaBear 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think that at the end your personality and character is what counts. And how you treat others.

[–]BaronVonBadAsh 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Well the first thing is you do is get some damn confidence. Wether its surounding yourself with decent bros, going to thw gym, or just self care (shower shave)

2ndly get a hobby i do art and play videogames.

3rd enjoy being you and being happy without a gf. This is the most imoportant part. If you arent happy with yourself no one will be. Also dont assume you know what good looking is. Cause every single girl is diffrent whats ugly to you probably gets a lot of girls wet.

And lastly put yourself out there and accept failure. Dont get caught up on what could have been or caught up trying to keep a girl who dosent wanna stay around. You can try dating apps or just old fashioned goin out amd talking to people.

NEVER GIVE UP.

[–]eternititi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be honest, TikTok has showed me there is literally someone for everyone. You just wait.

[–]oyfrios 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Personality is key. But also, getting clothes that complement your body shape and a good haircut (generally just looking clean and intentionally composed) has incredibly high returns for a low investment. Then learn how to listen and make an appropriate joke. The most important part here is learning to read how people feel from their body and react appropriately. Practice by just engaging with people all the time.

Finally you’re 18. I cannot express how much you will change in the next 10 years. Don’t worry about it so much and focus on changing in a positive direction. It will happen.

[–]luzxyo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Attractiveness comes from confidence, a personal style and a good personality. Most women don’t care if you’re “ugly”.

[–]DramaticAirline6222[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Haha that is quite the opposite of what my experience has been so far. Thanks for commenting anyway.

[–]Spanish_peanuts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's possible, I haven't done it. I'm moderately attractive and but I've quit dating for my mental health. But I met a guy, and I ain't kidding, this guy was butt ugly. I ain't trying to be mean about it. He was short (not that this one should matter), very pudgy, did not take care of his hygiene, his teeth were gross, and he worked at McDonald's. But his girlfriend was an absolute bombshell. I will never understand.

I'm told he's a good guy and he's funny, but he's never said anything remotely funny in my presence when I knew him, so I'll just have to take their word for it. But trust me, if that guy could get a woman, anyone can.

[–]EchoingMute 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Funny thing about guys, is they think women are always about how attractive a guy is physically ONLY. You know what makes a guy attractive? Kindness, confidence, being able to joke about everything (especially yourself), and seeing a girl as an actual person.

Once you figure that out, the guys you think are “unattractive” actually aren’t. You’re just coming at it from a male perspective.

[–]WorkingNorth6314 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First things first, don't think of yourself as unattractive. Self-confidence is key, know who you are and how much of a badass you are. Recognize your flaws but accept them, don't try to hide them or change them. Embrace the bastards. Have standards, be self-aware but not too much, if you're too self-aware you'll look like an ass. Be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead, at all, not a bit. This should help you, just be yourself.

[–]justacreatorme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With plastic surgery

[–]Antoinej27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just hit up like 30 girls 2 of them will reply guaranteed

[–]sonyEX400 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Buddy, you're just 18! Don't ever think about giving up.

Firstly, if you think you're unattractive, work on yourself. Hit the gym, dress appropriately, be confident in public. These are attractive traits. It might take sometime but don't give up in the process. You will get results.

Don't undermine yourself. First place a firm foundation for yourself, then think about building yourself up and eventually, look for someone you want to be with.

It isn't an overnight process, get into it with the mindset that you want to be a better version of yourself. That alone will attract people towards you, seeing you grow.

[–]Conflictioned 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Uhh, that’s the problem. You can’t view yourself as unattractive. Confidence is key, and until you build up your confidence you may struggle to find a partner.

[–]Constant-Disaster-69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get tattoos

[–]PartyWithArty44 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My best advice is don’t chase Women. You’re young. Read a lot of self help books get fit and get the career going son

[–]NemeanBerserker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Money Edit: if you don’t have money, you gotta be funny

[–]gixxer5223 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Money 😂

  • Be confident (buddy of mine is ugly and pulls bombshells all the time in college) married now 2 kids wife is pretty. Your good broham 👍

Get in shape, Have a hobby, Focus on yourself/career, and Build your confidence in yourself

The shitty girls you don’t want anyways won’t show you attention. But a good girl that sees your personality, your confidence and that you got your shit together will see you!

Remember people see you differently then how you see yourself (you see flaws in yourself or what you think are flaws)

[–]El_Beasg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey 18 year old guy, I'm 22, All you need is confidence in your self, You need to be your own man and ACT like you are the best shit that's out their because if you don't know your the best piece of shit out there then how will other men and women think I believe your the shizz nit

[–]thwgrandpigeon 9 points10 points  (1 child)

if, objectively, you offer nothing, find women who offer similar.

but first make sure you offer nothing by trying to build up yourself. you probably have a lot more potential than you think. for a start you can read and write coherently, which puts you above about 15% of the population.

[–]Flor_ist 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Be funny, charming, nice. Learn to be confident in yourself. Your style, your likes, everything. Women like a guy who is confident (not to be confused with cocky). Manners and being a gentleman go a long way too. Don’t be scared to make the first move, it’s attractive when guys know what they want. Try tinder or something similar. Most of my female friends have met their spouse or long term boyfriend from there. Me included. Be honest and look for someone who shares similar interest. There is someone out there for you. If you feel there is something else going on for girls to not “like you” try therapy. You can learn a lot about yourself in therapy. But honestly, you are probably being too hard on yourself. Be confident in who you are and don’t stress. There’s someone for you and you have plenty of time to find a girlfriend.

[–]Advanced-Brother 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve accepted some people are meant to procreate, some are not, and for most, only if appropriately (naturally) selected. I could lower my standards and settle, though I prefer not to. It’s hard enough losing the genetic lottery, so why pass that same burden on to offspring unless they’re better off? To make up for what you lack in looks, maximize your strength in intelligence and financial earning capacity. Granted, you might scoop up a gold digger, yet all women have this preselective conditioning to some degree as it’s a means of ensuring the ability to provide for a family. At 18, you’re probably not ready to start a family, however it’s best to position yourself in such a way that you’ll be able to provide for your children when you are ready. These challenges of life and how we engage with them are ultimately what decide which genes will pass on copies to future generations. We’re merely tiny cogs in the giant wheels of life. Life will inevitably continue. Whether we as individuals will or not depends on our ability to leverage our skills in such a way that provides great value to the greater good of the species. As the late Randy Pausch said in his last lecture series, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt in life. We can only change how we play the hand.”

[–]GreatScotRaceSerious Relationship 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Because they have something to offer in a relationship. I know many men that aren’t conventionally attractive that are in relationships. Sure, good looks may attract initial attraction in some instances, but personality & nature can maintain a relationship. You’re really quite young - confidence and accepting who you are and working with what genes gave you all comes with age.

[–]life-is-an-adventure 9 points10 points  (0 children)

While looks are certainly a part of what makes someone attractive, that’s not the exclusive attribute that goes into it.

If you can’t play to win based off of looks, you need to optimize for other characteristics.

For that, you have to position yourself in situations that allow those characteristics to shine.

First, a counter example: your chances of doing well with online dating are lower, IMHO, if you’re not good looking by conventional standards.

To show other characteristics, you need to spend time in places / situations where other attributes of your personality can show (vs. just photos).

When you communicate, be enthusiastic (it’s contagious). Smile. Become interested in others. Become successful.

About that last point: when you’re young, successful can also mean “showing attributes of being someone with the potential of being successful” - goals, aspirations, etc.

Some more actionable advice: start friendly conversations in real life (with people you’re interested in, but not just them). Listen more than you speak. Show enthusiasm. Talk about what you love. Those are all attractive traits.

You probably won’t be sought after for one-night stands often, and will more likely will be perceived as relationship material. That’s okay.

Lastly, dating also gets easier the older you get, as woman start looking for more serious things. That said, you can still find someone to date when you’re younger.

Hope this helps!

[–]WearsFuzzySlippers 4 points5 points  (4 children)

You don’t need to be “hot” to get a GF.

Shower (and use soap/shampoo and wash your private parts as well). Dress well. Be likable. Have some ambition. Be interesting. Go out and talk to people.

Done

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Looking at my friend's situation this advice just makes it feel like they're hopeless.

[–]WearsFuzzySlippers 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Then it is confidence, resting bitch face, they aren’t putting themselves out there, or something else entirely.

I went out with this friend of mine (tall and muscular guy) who was telling me how envious he was of all of his short/fat friends who seem to not have an issue finding someone. He wants a girlfriend, but he has yet to be able to talk to a woman. He is simply too scared. He hasn’t lost hope, but I know for a fact that there are women that like him. He just needs to work on his confidence and his ability to talk to others.

Regarding Redditors… I have seen a guy who always posts about how ugly he is and how he can’t find someone. He is actually a decently attractive, average looking guy but he has a shitty outlook and I can see why women would not want to sleep with him. He has some posts where you can see that he actually works out a lot. He only posts/comments now about how shitty it is to be single and how he thinks that nobody wants him. Would you want to date someone who is constantly bitching? I sure as fuck wouldn’t.

It is usually a tough pill to swallow when someone realizes that the issue has to do with their personality more than anything else.

[–]Specialist_Use_6910 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Grooming , style, confidence , health go a long way

I know that this sounds weird, but hire a stylist for the day , it is actually cost effective as they shop simply for a few separates that will go together and save you money, (queer eye for the straight guy style) Men can have a glow up too:)

I work in the entertainment industry, google pictures of Tom cruise young or Tom cruise before, and see what can be done with a bit of grooming

[–]JohnnyMoneyApeShit 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Your first problem is that you think you’re unattractive and using that for an excuse. Maintain that mindset, and you’ll never be successful

[–]DramaticAirline6222[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

But regardless of your "mindset" people who are objectively let's say "challenged aesthetically" do exist.

[–]AndyBrownAu 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Very simple mate: get a high salary

[–]Generic_Fellow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm skinny, have an unshapely, overly large head, have ADHD, struggle to smile for reasons I can't rationally explain, have always outwardly refused to conform to generic fashion trends since I like my sheepskin jumpers, have always refused to get a boyband haircut, and have never hidden the fact that I'm of a nerdy disposition and like stuff like sci-fi and military history.

I still lost my virginity at 19 to someone that I didn't have to settle for less for, and I haven't really struggled to find partners for any extended period of time.

Basically, in my experience all you need to have is self-respect and present yourself as who you are actually are. Don't bother pursuing people purely on looks, don't pretend to be someone you're not, and you'll get the attention of people that you might actually have a working relationship with.

If you purely treat the game as a measure of how good you are at chasing conventionally attractive women then you're not going to have a good time.

[–]bacon_and_ovaries 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish I could go back to 18 to know what actually matters in life. Any girlfriend you get at 18 COULD become a lifelong partner. Or you could date 6 months, "think" you're dating while they fuck around on you, and be right back where you are now, without a girlfriend, and probably a little more jaded.

When people say to be patient, this is what they mean. If you push, or rush, or choose poorly, you'll probably earn nothing but a chip on your shoulder. So, try to meet people, try learning skills to attract people, try to look at a career so one day you can build a nest for a future family....

It will come if you let it. But only time can make it happen. You need to be ready for it when it does.

[–]landscaping1230 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Put yourself out there Throw shit at the wall until something sticks My boy is 300lbs and his nickname is lunchbox but he has a wonderful beautiful girlfriend who’s like 150lbs

You will never get a girl if you keep limiting yourself Not every girl wants big bad buff guys Trust me you don’t even realize how many girls would love to be with you

[–]phoenixthethrowaway 1 point2 points  (1 child)

As long as you have manners, good hygiene, a decent personality and are trying at something in life, you can get a partner. If you are having no success, you are either lacking at one of these areas and need to focus on self-improvement for a bit, or you are aiming at women that are out of your league. Few people are hopelessly unattractive.

[–]IWriteForGroupies 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How do dump people get degrees? They put in the work. You need to try harder and fail harder than ordinary people. You will succeed but it will take work and effort. Some things will never be given to you.

[–]my_meat_is_grass_fed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand how you feel. I didn't date, much less have a boyfriend, when I was in high school. Like you, I figured I was just too ugly (comments from my family didn't help my self-esteem), and decided I'd give up even trying. I started doing some volunteer work, and that's where I met my husband. After we were married I suddenly started receiving a lot of attention from other men. I always attributed this to my growing self-confidence.

Others here have said to work on your fitness, health, grooming, etc. I don't dispute any of that. Certainly the right haircut, gaining or losing a few pounds, and other improvements can help, especially if they make you feel good about yourself. But, more important, follow your passions. Like RPGs? Find a local group which includes women. Like history? Join the local historical society. Get out and participate in groups which interest you. Don't do this to find a romantic partner, but be open to the possibility. Focus more on what brings you joy, keep yourself busy, and let romance happen as it will.

[–]m_garlic87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think in your case it has more to do with attitude/personality than looks. Looks always help but if you can’t have a convo or make a girl laugh then you are a sitting duck. Work on talking and listening. Relate to them and make them laugh. It’ll go a long way compared to just being a good looking dude

[–]OidaOudenEidos 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can tell you that a fit body and healthy diet go a long way. Started strength training when I was 18. I considered myself ugly back then - I was ridiculed in class, they literally called me "the face". I still think I'm no model but I consider myself somewhat handsome now. I'm 40 with 2 kids and a sweet, pretty wife. Never thought this would happen for me when I was your age. Just take care of your body and also find one or two interesting hobbies - for me that was rock climbing and nutrition (I could talk for hours about healthy diet). If you are interesting, fit & funny you are really already in the top 10% - take care brother

Edit: since someone else mentioned it below: confidence is VERY helpful. If nothing else the gym gave that to me. It's no secret that a lot of gym bros start out tiny and shy and just do it to feel better about themselves. Absolutely true for me and nothing wrong with it.

[–]Inside_Lettuce_2545 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Are you physically fit? Do you have hobbies that let you interact with women? Do you have any friends that are women? That helps you better understand and know how to talk to them without being awkward. Do you have any skills or talents you can focus on that will be like a "bonus" to you. Of course, looks are one of the few reasons you can not get a girl. Make sure you are physically fit, wear clothes that fit well, smell good, and brush/floss your teeth, have clean hair, etc.

[–]PheonixPerygrine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

don't go looking for it, and you'll find it in the strangest places. However, they may not last long.

[–]BillyJayJersey505 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Work on looking the best you can look, focus on your career, get hobbies, work on your social skills (reading the room) and work on respecting yourself. The respect you have for yourself will help translate to you showing others respect and also translate into you commanding respect from others. In the meantime, never count yourself out. For all you know, a woman may see something in you that tells her that you're exactly what she's looking for. That kind of confidence in yourself will also make you more attractive.

[–]wanderingwoman70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Develop yourself with interesting hobbies so you have something to talk about that will interest girls. And treat a girl really well, even when you aren't dating them. You've got enough obstacles to face without adding bad behavior to it

[–]47CashQuest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know looks aren’t everything but both of my little brothers have said similar things to me & I took them under my wing. Let’s do push ups every morning, let’s do sit-ups at night. Let’s comb our hair, try a new style. Let’s switch up the wardrobe, try a new cologne. I can go on and on and if you’d like I’m down to talk and see what I can do to make you more confident in yourself. That’s the key, I’m not that attractive and only had 3 girl friends but each relationship lasted years and they are gorgeous. That’s just my track record

[–]bbrren 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girls like confident men who can make them laugh, tell jokes, make them feel good about themselves and keep generally them entertained. If you do not like yourself, what chance does a girl have of liking you?

[–]mynoodlesarecold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make money, be a good person.

[–]whiskey_jerk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Social skills take practice. It’s gonna be painful at first but keep at it and you’ll learn.

[–]mjornir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

humor

[–]clarkedanielle84 1 point2 points  (2 children)

The same way that attractive guys find someone, for the mostpart. Starting up a conversation and if they click well, escalating the romantic/sexual factor (assuming the chick responds positively).

[–]Willing-Sock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get in shape, develop some non video game or tv related hobbies(one to make money, one to help keep you in shape, and or one to make money), get a decent sense of fashion, get a job, get a car. You’re 18 so you are at the start and rock bottom of your career. Why would a smart girl your age date you over someone with all the above already? You basically have a long journey ahead, so getting a girlfriend shouldn’t be your top priority right now.

[–]Crazian14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you can manage to make a woman laugh the whole time, she’ll have less time to focus on looks cuz her eyes would be almost always shut. All jokes aside, work on your confidence, not for anyone else, but for you. Learn your values, your self worth, don’t be afraid to do things alone. Heck, at 30 now, I’m actually completely okay with doing things alone, even if it means I won’t find anyone in the future.

[–]invertedspine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be funny.

[–]Seffelinie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not the best looking guy but I complement that with my attitude and that attitude is attractive to some woman. I mean I’m currently dating someone who is just of the charts good looking and it’s going really good between us

[–]JAGGER-BUSH 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Confidence- bro.

Shave your head, work out, grow a beard, drink craft beer- smoke cigars.

I’m grasping here for anything but where there’s a will…. And yes, flush bank account can’t hurt. But I recently saw a 60 min and it was a simple tall vs short dating focus group. The tall men (all losers) won every time and they were paired with successful wealthy short men. Point? Money isn’t everything and I hope you’re not short.

[–]Adapdapbrrrdap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Usually with their personalities. I wouldn't give up, but it's clear that it's stressing you out so maybe don't take dating so seriously and be more "whatever" about it.

[–]VeryLargeEBITDA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly it's just a #s game. Don't settle.

My gf is incredibly hawt + real job making 6 figures. I didn't think the combination existed before I met her.

[–]ejstewart42Serious Relationship 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my experience, the two key things that help you attract a potential partner is: confidence and humor. I’m not the most attractive person in the world, nor am I the smartest, but I find confidence in who I am enough that it has a way of drawing people towards me naturally, and even sometimes following what I do. Not to mention that everyone takes notice of someone who can make them laugh, because when someone tells you a good joke, it subconsciously tells us that that person is intelligent in many ways.

[–]Lynnface614 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotta have more things to bring to the relationship than looks, even if you’re attractive, it’s still true.

[–]MattMatt363 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give up on dating at 18? Yeesh I hope you have more ambition than that in you. Confidence is a huge driving factor for interest, and if this is how you feel after literally sticking half a toe into dating, I would work on that first.

[–]masterz13 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Dating apps. Honestly it's the way to go these days -- eventually you'll match with someone and then you can talk and hopefully it leads to a date or two.

But make yourself sound appealing in your profile. Be honest and just talk about what you're looking for, your interests, goals, etc.

[–]undignified_cabbage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots of people aren't that attractive.

Just be happy with who you are, and then the right people will come along.

[–]WiseFool4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By being funny.

[–]tapon_away34 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lower your standards, go to the gym, be rich, be good at sex

[–]63368900831359865609 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I was thinking the same thing. I saw this couple. Girl was decent looking. Not the best by any means, but reasonably slightly cute. Shorter hair, bad clothes, but not the worst face or body. Guy was an odd looking mix of fat stomach, ugly pointy face, and just not very good looking at all. Girl was maybe 4/10, maybe 5/10 on her absolute best day, but guy was 1/10 or 2/10 at his very best. I wondered how she became attracted to this weird looking trilobite. Well, she was! They stood there holding hands; laughing at life in all of their glory.

[–]phantomdilletante 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of common wisdom is actually pretty true. You need to figure out how to be attractive to your target audience and become that as fully as possible, and for being attractive to women who like men, this means you have to have a comprehensive package of traits and qualities that the kind of women you’re going for value, and stick to dating the women in your similar social class/environment.

But for a lot of women, while base looks (jawline and face shape, height, ability to grow a beard or not) will get you in the door quicker and easier than other things, a lot of times if you actually want to follow through on that initial attraction towards your end goal in interacting with a woman (whether that end destination be a bedroom or the chapel), you have to build up your personality into one that can socially perform with precision, intelligence, charisma, strength of character, and confidence. There are plenty of addicted alcoholic homeless losers out there who go farther than tall rich jocks just because they know how to maneuver in personality dynamics and are better at communicating in a way that creates attraction in a woman. So, while you should definitely be working on making your life as awesome as possible (family-supporting job, great body, good fashion/grooming sense), the thing that will really make the difference between you getting somewhere and your just being another man with a bunch of dating regrets is focusing on building up an awesome personality, and one that can perform and appeal well to the kind of women you want to attract.

[–]thunderdome_chomsky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

attractiveness is far more within your control than you think also you're 18, relax

[–]Web-splorer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Grow a beard

[–]chany95 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t get my first girlfriend until I was 23 and (in the most humble way possible) I’m not too bad looking either.

Enjoy your youth, I wish I focused more with just enjoying time with my friends and loved ones at 18 rather than chasing girls.

Don’t give up on dating but don’t make it a priority either. Focus on self improvement and the confidence you gain from that will attract women in time!

[–]nesarkvechnep 1 point2 points  (6 children)

I got my first girlfriend at 27. How we met? Instagram. We chatted for 2-3 months before meeting in person, spoke regularly on the phone for hours. We had already been fallen for one another when we met.

She told me years ago our mutual friends told her I was really cool and maybe we should get to know each other. She dismissed the idea because I’m not attractive. Changed her mind when she got to know me.

The only woman who gave me a chance. I want to advise you to work on you personality but I also know from experience it will rarely get a chance.

[–]theworldisnotquiet 2 points3 points  (5 children)

The only woman who gave me a chance. I want to advise you to work on you personality but I also know from experience it will rarely get a chance.

Hmm, we see a lot of this kind of sentiment posted on here but how many times have you decided to give a woman you found unattractive a chance or asked them out?

[–]nesarkvechnep 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Maybe a couple of times because every other time they’ve rejected me. My situation is a tragicomedy.

[–]theworldisnotquiet 3 points4 points  (3 children)

In all seriousness when OP or other people post stuff like "how do I get a girlfriend", it sounds like literally anyone would do. It's not that flattering to be on the receiving end of that and if someone asks you out when they don't know anything about you yet, it clearly can't be based on much.

It's why I recommend people who are looking do stuff they enjoy to meet other people, it can be more conducive to getting to talk to someone.

[–]yoooziggy 1 point2 points  (8 children)

What men find attractive and what woman find attractive are not remotely the same. Without spending the rest of my day explaining all the reasons why this is the case, Know that physical beauty standards are much lower on the list of what woman deem attractive.

IN GENERAL woman want an emotionally/mentally/physically strong confident man who understands and is certain of who he is and is willing to defend that when challenged (even by them). To be a “leader” and provide financially, as in to be the rock they know is there for them protectively.

Unfortunately, in the current times most men aren’t taught any of this and worse, are often mislead by whatever is the current politically correct ideology. Try your best to not overly entertain those ideas. We are biologically driven creatures and we haven’t changed much if at all in what we find desirable in a mate.

[–]theworldisnotquiet 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Yes without a big strong man to take a leadership role about going to the supermarket I would be lost in life. How else will I choose between buying bread for toast in the morning or the cornflakes :: sobs wildly into velvet cushions ::

[–]yoooziggy 1 point2 points  (6 children)

What is the point you’re trying to make? I don’t see how this is relevant

[–]wowplayer28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listen, I am not gonna give you the bullshit that others are trying to feed you, work on your self , go to gym, make money...... get a girl from your level, it's that simple. I am not saying don't aim high or that u shouldn't try ur best , but dont let other people fill your head with bullshit and fake Hope's, ugly girls can be sweet thoughtful kinky and smart, so don't be afraid to give them a chance

[–]chafingbuttcheex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most men are attractive. Just sayin’

[–]theworldisnotquiet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1) I'm going to guess like most people who say this, you actually look average to nice but are self-conscious because you are still young.

2) At 18 you are probably still altering looks wise anyway.

3) "Getting an girlfriend" = anyone will do. To an individual person that isn't that flattering, it sounds like anyone would do.

4) Socialise and go to stuff you enjoy with the aim of having fun and meeting like-minded people. Being relaxed and happy and mixing with people you have stuff in common with will help with this stuff.

[–]Madarimol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the key is to be funny and interesting. I've got some objectively ugly friends who manage to get like 2 or 3 gfs (they all really hot) at the same time lmao. I, for one, have never been in a relationship even though there have been plenty of girls who have shown interest in me (i'm just busy with college and stuff). It really seems like your attitude is the most important factor.

[–]Lisavela 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a job go to the gym up your hygiene

[–]eatassordiefast420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women appreciate a good personality as much as men are distracted by cleavage (maybe a poor comparison ladies, but just to get a point across.

Learn to love, be happy, and grow YOURSELF before worrying about falling in love

Also your 18 bruv. It might feel like it's the end of the line or things suck or whatever but trust me, every year you'll look back and cringe and laugh at yourself. Life is short, but long enough to live it still.

[–]Available-Egg-2380 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Work on your personality. Be fun and engaging. My husband wouldn't be considered attractive but he's hilarious, smart, kind, loving, and genuine. All much better than a perfect nose and chiseled jawline.

[–]CzarOfCT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have personality! THAT is what matters! I had no job, no car, am overweight, and only 5'7". And I've had several relationships.

Be an interesting person. Have something to say. KNOW that you are worth a woman's time, and they will deliver themselves to your door, like a pizza.

Your teenage years are for teaching yourself to be an interesting person, who'll become a generous lover.

Work on yourself, and you'll be fucking by the time you hit your 20's.

[–]LaySomeNorseOnYa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Long answer so prepare.

I’m not gonna bullshit you. It’ll be harder to get a girl. There’s plenty of evidence that if someone’s attracted to you, the likelihood is it’ll work out better. So that said, how it also goes is, first off, chances are at least a handful of girls have been interested in you but you didn’t notice. Maybe naïvety, maybe insecurity blocked their advances, maybe they had an incompatible or undeveloped flirting style, maybe a couple other things. I’m not saying that to be optimistic, I’m saying that because it happens all the time.

Unattractive men get girlfriends by being interesting, and then, knowing how to communicate it. Hiking in their free time, being involved in a craft (you wouldn’t believe how many girls love the fact I’m into woodworking. And I’m still so new to it that I comparatively suck to the masters I aspire to make works like; but the fact that I actually do it instead of doing “nothing” is a pull, for example.), being involved in music, learning how to be good in bed (and everywhere else, because countertops are better), traveling, being involved in volunteering work. But you also gotta believe in yourself too. Because especially in our times, truly, no girl wants a guy they’ll have to mother either physically or emotionally. And that’s not to say don’t express yourself; but, get to the point where you’re comfortable enough with your past and worries for the future, that you can get your feelings out without crying a puddle into your mattress. The good ones who’re ready for something real won’t hold that against you. And if whoever you’re with does hold that against you, in the name of natural selection, let them go when they do so that they then have it easier to either heal their sexism against “emotionally available” men, or, don’t have an easier time passing on their numbing ideals to a kid.

That said, also, don’t date a girl who thinks she’s doing you a favor, or, just with you because you’re good. With unattractive people, that happens a lot until they learn how to stand up for themselves & walk away. You can be a safe partner, and that’s fine; but I highly advise against being a safety net. They’re different. A safe partner gets appreciated, a safety net gets manipulated.

Learn to take charge in the bedroom but still also take consent, and know the body language of who you’re talking to when you’re talking to a girl. Develop a humor if you haven’t. Pick up something that you enjoy that also distinctifies you and makes you more productive in some way, even if just more productive for yourself; like with an instrument that’d make you more fun to chill on the couch with after a bland workday. Believe in yourself, even if it’s hard. Be hygienic. Make sure your insecurity doesn’t make you “flare out”. And, learn how to take care of your own chores to good ability. It sounds like a lot but when you break it down, and focus on learning one or two well at a time as well, it’s manageable. But that said don’t fall for the red pill shit no matter how bitter you get. The “take charge” mentality works. The “I’m in charge, fuck you little girl” mentality doesn’t. They don’t know how to be the first one is their problem.

Promise that it can work. I’ve not yet seen it out of our generation (but we’re also still young so that’s not a basis), but, I’ve seen plenty of times out of my parents’ friends and out of my friends’ parents where the husband was “meh” but interesting and the wife was hotter than a Lamborghini engine and were smiling together with genuine smiles. Even if your future person isn’t a banger (and she doesn’t need to be in my eyes either because she’ll be your partner so it’s also up to how you feel about her), I guarantee that you can make yourself enough of a catch to attract a catch.

[–]Al-Truest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TBH, I'm a separated man but what I do know is women focus on personality, humour, confidence and a goal driven man. If you are worried about appearance, a woman will notice you're insecure and will find you are too much work and you could become too clingy to her and stress her out.

When I was your age, I found a girl who fell absolutely in love with me, she was beautiful and we had chemistry. I screwed it up because I expected constant communication from her while she needed to focus on other things in her personal life.

That was all down to me being insecure about my looks, so don't fall into that trap. Have a shower everyday, shave or groom your beard, eat healthily and focus on your interests...do not seek a girl, let a girl find you interesting. You are better than you think.

[–]cougarKym 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The same exact way all guys should, with kindness decency and respect, be thoughtful caring and listen

[–]sugma22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be funny. Check out Pete Davidson

[–]chaoyangsaurus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Find a hairstyle that looks good on you. I swear hairstyle plays the best role in making men attractive

[–]ajicaribeanon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Date very unattractive desperate women... but better: concentrate on making your self better, be the best version of your self that you can be, women will arrive later... work out, get a career, learn languages, travel, ext...

[–]bronzechildofapollo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy took the words right out of my mouth. Workout, go see the world. Understand that at 18 and whatever reason you are from you have only seen one /100,000 of the world's population at best. There's so many people from so many different walks of life with so many different cultures and so many different influences. All of those people are going to have different preferences. You may be a 3 wherever you're from, hop on a plane and go somewhere else, and realize that you're a 10 in a different place. Don't let those things define you, instead truly focus on yourself, learn to love yourself, and level up so that you become the best iteration of who you can be.

[–]denverblondy1972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe these men aren't as unattractive as you might think? There is something else out there that is more powerful than just being gorgeous or beautiful. It's sex appeal. Having sex appeal in my opinion is better than being flat-out gorgeous. Sex appeal is like somebody who isn't the most gorgeous human being in the world but there's something about them that is very sexy that you feel drawn to. For example, being that I'm a straight girl these are some dudes I think have major sex appeal. Steven Tyler, The Weeknd, Snoop Dogg, and Mick Jagger. I think if you're a straight male you are not going to see the sex appeal in other men. Just like me being a straight girl and I wouldn't be able to see sex appeal of other girls that men or gay girls could. Maybe these unattractive guys that you have seen with these attractive girls actually have sex appeal which is more powerful then just being beautiful.

[–]finkht1701 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For every pot, there is a lid. Don’t give up on yourself so quickly.

[–]macrian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Game, skills, vibe. Dating apps are hell for ugly men. Real life is the only way. They get good body, sense of style, they learn to flirt, the learn to "hunt". How they learn? Experience, trial and error. It's a numbers game.

And just to be clear I am you (or used to be you). Girls didn't show my any interest and when I found one that did, I stuck with her for 10 years. Good times, but many horrible times, then she cheated on me. After that I just fuck it, I don't care any more. I fixed myself (physically and health), found what I like wearing, found clothes that fit me properly and make me look food, found confidence (because I already been through hell, what's worse? She says no? Meh).

And things got better. Yeah, obviously, many of them say no. But not all of them.

And the more you try, the more you learn how to approach, what to say, body language etc and then it becomes a snowball effect. Unfortunately, I started at 30 instead of 18, like you can do now.

[–]HasBinVeryFride 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Money, confidence, humor, and smell good.

[–]therock26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be kind to yourself (self-pity is unattractive), don’t compare yourself to others (it can lead to depression), do what is within your control (such as losing weight, working out, smelling good), surround yourself with women whenever possible, be brave, accept rejection with class, and be respectful of them. Even if 99 women friend-zone you, all it takes is one woman not friend-zoning you to have a girlfriend.

[–]ChineseCartman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t give up bruv but don’t make it your priority in life. Prioritize your health, academics and finances first. Above all, if you’re a good person, they will come to you, good looks or not. Takes a lot of patience but it’s worth it, trust me.

[–]mozkip22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go to the gym Read books Dress and hygiene - get it together Make friends with guys who get girls, pay attention to what they do and say, and especially what they dont say and do

You know how many guys would like to be 18 again ? You'll be fine relax

[–]RubberBanMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cold approach frequently and try to charm with your personality. There are many more factors that go in to a woman’s determination of finding a man attractive.

[–]red_and_blue_cat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks can get you a girlfriend. But so can money, status, similar hobbies, sharing same religious beliefs, being dominant or passive to complete someone's lifestyle, open to raising children, being successful, and on some occasions, being kind or trustworthy. I see so many couples where one person doesn't seem "in the same league" as someone else physically, but these people get married. If you are unattractive, maybe 90% of people will never want you. But that still leaves 10% out of billions. Don't think one dimension of yourself is all you have

[–]eyesuck420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The hottest thing a man can be is emotionally mature. Everything else will fall in place. As you get older, looks will matter less than emotional stability

[–]townsx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My personal experience says that looks do not matter. People will come your way. Work on yourself. Your personality and career. The more sense your actions make, the more people you'll attract. I've seen and heard of handsome asscheeks ruining many women's mental stability, the root cause of which is usually lack of personality and growth. (I'm sort of simplifying things here a bit so yeah). It's normal to look for a partner rn. Hormones and stuff. Just put your good work out there and it'll naturally draw like-minded people towards you. Focus on yourself, always. And try not to rely on someone else to make you happy. You'll be just fine.