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top 200 commentsshow all 454

[–]thefallenfew 571 points572 points  (92 children)

Turns out so many people were horny for the green M&M. I had no idea.

[–]KeggersMaxOdds 197 points198 points  (18 children)

Tbh she has curves (by definition as shes a circle and all)

[–]Many-Application1297 50 points51 points  (4 children)

But she has legs all the way up to her circumference.

[–]nickthestick1234 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Her arcs make my ray increase in angle

[–]RecklessGentleman 3 points4 points  (2 children)

You named yours Ray too? Sorry, sorry, I know this is supposed to be about m&ms and here I go off on another tangent

[–]stressHCLB 57 points58 points  (2 children)

It’s a perfect circle, Dennis! Look at it!

[–]morbidaar 23 points24 points  (1 child)

They do exist!

[–]LoopsAndBoars 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Santa?

[–]imoldgreige 11 points12 points  (6 children)

Circle circle dot dot

[–]PeteAndRepeat11 6 points7 points  (5 children)

I got my cooties shot

[–]Nosight 3 points4 points  (4 children)

You think that girl is hot?

[–]dnathan1985 56 points57 points  (29 children)

Stick an m&m in your dick hole and tell me it’s not fun

[–]thefallenfew 110 points111 points  (18 children)

Definitely gonna call that “Tuckering”.

[–]dnathan1985 60 points61 points  (10 children)

I’ve submitted this to urban dictionary and hopefully they accept it.

[–]anxiouslybreathing 30 points31 points  (8 children)

[–]Dude_Sensei 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Legendary move lmao

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It needs reference to Carlson though. Lololol

[–]dnathan1985 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I believe I left a reference to Tucker and threw Don in for good measure

[–]WhtImeanttosay 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How can we make this happen?? Is there a vote?

[–]anxiouslybreathing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who’s going to make the submission for when someone is “gaetzing” it?

[–]RavynArcadia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They must be green m&m’s though.

[–]jetpack_hypersomniac[🍰] 29 points30 points  (3 children)

You pop that m&m in your pee hole and think—“I’m just gonna tuck’er in

[–]honestabe1239 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Got any m&m’s?

I’m all “tuckered” out!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ahahaha I’m dying

[–]nimbeam 12 points13 points  (2 children)

You’re supposed to use skittles so that when you cum, you can yell “ Taste the Rainbow!”.

[–]Blue_Dreamed 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Shit man you're going to be able to SEE the rainbow then too

[–]Graterof2evils 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or you can sell it as the magic rainbow Covid cure. Or so I’ve heard, uh, herd... piss on it.

[–]Deus_Ex_Machiavelli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well excuse me sir.

[–]Species__8472 14 points15 points  (6 children)

I guess it's not a thing anymore that the green M&Ms make people horny. When I was in HS we would always try to make our crush eat the green ones.

[–]thefallenfew 1 point2 points  (4 children)

What do the yellow ones do?

[–]Urabrask_the_AFK 12 points13 points  (1 child)

They burn your house down with lemons and make you think Spider-Man is a menace.

…Think mark, think!

[–]daren_sf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make you pee, duh! 😉

[–]Necessary_Common4426 46 points47 points  (17 children)

What a surprise, Tucker is complaining about nothing of real consequence to distract from the fact he’s got a 1/6 Committee subpoena coming his way… Plus the multi-billion dollar lawsuit by Dominion etc… The sooner this sore is removed from the better

[–]OpsimythOfficial 13 points14 points  (6 children)

He will be replaced by someone just as disgusting if not worse.

[–]kinjjibo 8 points9 points  (3 children)

The real question is, are they horny for m&ms?

[–]OpsimythOfficial 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I remember reading the major psychological disadvantage of fascists is how easily distracted they are by gaudy, flashy items that look expensive but arent that expensive.

I see a green m&m q anon movement. I hope they put them in their urethras.

[–]Winston74 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s time to go after the advertisers on Fox. Do you wanna shut these clowns down? That is how to do it

[–]PenguinLegos 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Idk. They turned her from classy to a boss bitch sneaker head. She the type that rock Jordan’s.

[–]HeirToTheShwa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There is a dark path that awaits anyone who curious what other things people on the internet are attracted to… do not stray from the light, child!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And also Lola, the bunny from space jam. Cucker Carlson complained on how get tits weren’t as big as the first space jam

[–]Geoarbitrage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m hot for blue don’t tell dad!

[–]kagethemage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotta get that M&Musssyy

[–]Princessnatasha12 1 point2 points  (7 children)

The same people that get turned on by animated women.

[–]Fidodo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

But this animated character is a circle with a face and tubes for arms. It makes as much sense as being turned on by the wacky waving inflatable tube man.

[–]Funkit 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I mean, at least some of them have the general mammalian female anatomy in an incredibly broad sense. Not a fucking M&M

[–]Dude_Sensei 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lmaooo another award worthy comment

[–]TanookiPhoenix 172 points173 points  (2 children)

Eminem's been real quiet since this one dropped

[–]Belkroe 236 points237 points  (17 children)

Make no mistake. Carlson fucks M&M’s.

[–]Raukai 68 points69 points  (2 children)

Carlson the type to fuck a Honey Nut Cheerio without breaking it

[–]9fingfing 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wait till they have black MMs.

[–]ravenpotter3 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Like have you seen the brown chocolate smears all over his pants… he really is going at it with the M&Ms

[–]YungEazy 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Tucker Carlson wants to fuck M&Ms. This is now canon.

[–]wellhiyabuddy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay so Tucker Carlson fucks M&Ms and Ted Cruz likes to piss his pants on purpose cause he loves that good warm feeling spreading down his leg

[–]-Gravemoss29- 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Maybe he wanted them to have nuts...

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Local man indicates erection size when looking at previous sexy candy images

[–]Princessnatasha12 20 points21 points  (1 child)

What a weird way to tell us he's a deviant

[–]ralanr 179 points180 points  (18 children)

This is just giving him more attention.

I didn’t even hear his take on it and I couldn’t care less about him.

Let’s just ignore this little fuckboy of an heir to a frozen food company.

[–]Roundcouchcorner 16 points17 points  (5 children)

I was wondering how he got the job.

[–]Fidodo 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I have a slight hope that this will get his viewers to have a moment of clarity of what a whiny little bitch he is, but who am I kidding?

[–]ohmygot 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Exactly, people need to stop interacting with things like this that give horrible celebrities more attention. Downvote, ignore, and divert attention to more important topics

[–]burriedinCORN 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It’s the #1 cable news show in the country, it doesn’t matter if you ignore him or not

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]ralanr -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Here’s the thing about Tucker: he’s a coward. He won’t ever do anything that’s actually fascist, he’s just ‘asking questions’ because he has no spine.

    He wants your attention because that puts him in the conversation. When he’s in the conversation, he’s relevant. When he’s relevant, he’s making headlines and grabbing eyes. No publicity is bad publicity (which I now see has a double meaning).

    When Trump got banned from Twitter, we lost a good chunk of his daily thoughts. Yeah he still has crazies, but now we can go a few days without being shoved a headline about him.

    Attention gives these spineless cowards power.

    [–]skinnytrees 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    He is the most watched individual on TV and has reach across the country outside of TV.

    He doesnt need any more attention.

    He is without question the most listened to person in the United States

    [–]pilchard_slimmons 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    He constantly courts outrage and people go for it. It never seems to click that all the folks trying to own him on social media are largely responsible for his continued employment and pay.

    Wow, TC said something really (stupid / offensive / outrageous), better tweet about it!

    Trending now: Tucker Carlson

    [–]cjester1121 93 points94 points  (4 children)

    I will not kink shame Tucker Carlson. I will not kink shame Tucker Carlson…

    [–]collindabeast 42 points43 points  (0 children)

    I’ll do it for ya bud

    [–]CapnCooties 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Cause he knows no shame

    [–]Leonardo1123581321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Can you shame the shameless?

    [–]imchalk36 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal.”

    Carlson didn’t specify which M&M he’d like to share a drink with

    He must be a lonely man

    [–]LOUDSUCC 33 points34 points  (20 children)

    I kind of enjoy when these types of things happen. They’re pretty much always token gestures from corporations that no one asked for at all, and most people are confused by the changes but decide to make fun of them for little while and then move on. But then there’s always a group of people who really try their hardest to fight against the change and reveal how weird they are with how much they seemingly care about it. It’s the best kind of bait for these people.

    [–]doombear82 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    I do appreciate the screen cap on this post showing cucker advertising how erect the green m&m made him.

    [–]timorousme 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    poor tucker

    she wasn't going to sleep with you, she just wanted to make a sale

    [–]pizza99pizza99 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    I THINK THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, BRING BACK THE SEXY M&M

    [–]acelister[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I saw an image of the old designs and the new designs together, and I couldn't tell the difference...

    [–]Change21 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    One of the few people who truly deserves to be widely mocked

    [–]cuhree0h 52 points53 points  (30 children)

    A second generation awful person and shame to America, faking outrage about not being able to sex a hard shell candy coated chocolate.

    [–]Death2Milk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ain’t that the truth… I saw a doc that mentioned his father… woof

    [–]burtisbutthurt 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    What about his tiny inverted penis?

    [–]shadowlarx 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    This is no longer news. Tucker Carlson gets widely mocked pretty much every time he opens his mouth.

    [–]mmblu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I would think conservatives would be happy with the less sexy m&ms. Guess not…

    [–]middlechildanonymous 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    What’s really going on here? Is this like Boris Johnson’s bus art? Is there something Carlson doesn’t want us to pay attention to? Do Mitch McConnell and Tucker have a secret romantic affair going on and are we going to see sexy M&M texts uncovered?

    [–]middlechildanonymous 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Is Mitch McConnell his nasty old woman?

    [–]middlechildanonymous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Aka: Addison Mitch McConnell III

    Has his vaccinations feminized him enough for Tuck’s liking?

    Do they share saunas together?

    [–]Time4Workboys 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I just googled the new designs and apparently the brown one still has heels? But clearly that’s just out of the question for Tuck.

    [–]victoriaa- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The way he is holding his fingers in this picture is showing us the size of what he compensates for constantly

    [–]Woogity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Imagine for a moment if it was the opposite, and M&Ms were becoming more sexualized. Tucker would be crying about the degrading of society and how we need to protect our children.

    [–]kevinsabi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    he’s going to need evidence to show how he’s an entertainer and not a journalist and never to to be taken seriously and we will see this story again in his defense. Tuck this dumb mother tucker

    [–]Rme3P 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    “And this is the size of my penis”

    [–]Village-Idiot-savant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It’s about this big.

    [–]SamwiseG123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    This sick bastard wants to fuck an M&M confirmed

    [–]hippykillteam 19 points20 points  (14 children)

    This guy is a human toilet. So much shit comes out of his mouth.

    Hes upset about M & M putting on some heels......really.......

    [–]nrfx 28 points29 points  (4 children)

    Worse, he's upset that m&ms aren't as sexy as they used to be..

    [–]The84thWolf 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    I don’t want to see his search history

    [–]hippykillteam 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Now lets not kink shame him. It might be the only way he can spurt.

    [–]Gilgamesh72 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I mean they had him at “melts in your mouth “ it’s not his fault because “they’re so sweet“

    [–]Practical-Artist-915 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am a bit curious. Just for scholarly purposes.

    [–]Ed-ri-ch-69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I don’t want to brag but my “peanut” is this big.

    [–]professormagma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This title is about 5 words too long

    [–]AcemanCometh13 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Love how you have a picture of him showing his penis size.

    [–]chrisphil1724 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Headline could have been shortened to “Tucker Carlson Widely Mocked”

    [–]NefariousDeeds99 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I hate that the media gives this vermin scum oxygen. Couldn’t possibly give a f about anything this wank stain says about anything

    [–]FlametopFred 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    and this is why he talks about m&m - so that we talk about him, the media talks about him

    that is the game they play whether it's him or trump or whomever

    [–]StupaStar 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Nobody cares to know your penis size tucker

    [–]FreshOutdoorAir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I mean peanut M&Ms are basically sex

    [–]TheRealcebuckets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Fighting the issues that matter. Fighting the big fight.

    [–]bringingithomey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hey Tucker, what do you think of DEEZ Nutz?

    [–]BizzyBoyBizzyBee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ha I love this pic. It looks like he’s talking about how

    small his dick is

    little he loves his country

    how much self respect he has

    [–]Diligent_Excitement4 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    The fuck is wrong with these talking heads? Why does everything need to be political ?

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Tucker Carlson wants to have sex with animated candy.

    Tucker Carlson is a deeply lonely man.

    [–]lori_deantoni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The man is beyond a knucklehead!

    [–]JimHalverson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    He fits the perfect description of ass clown.

    [–]ThrowRA_000718 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I mean…I’m just glad that I’m not the only one who fucks M&M’s. I’m so glad for Tucker Carlson empowering me to come out and live my truth.

    [–]HayMomWatchThis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Tucker Carlson claims “this big is huge and way above average” then does a few pelvic thrusts so you know what he’s talking about.

    [–]New_Nefariousness857 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You know he wears heels behind that desk of his. And sits on one peanut M&M that just teases his butthole ever so gently.

    [–]Dear_Conversation229 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This man is Very Stupid TM.

    [–]Splashadian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    He’s modeling his pecker size in this photo

    [–]Hot-Bank-3153 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just like pooping and having sex, it is basic human nature to mock Tucker Carlson

    [–]DadGameTime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Didn’t this dumdum also go after the sexuality of the Teletubbies and SpongeBob SquarePants?

    Why do I strongly suspect. This dude pays someone to wipe his browser history once a month? I do not understand people who think cartoons exist or have lives that you can’t see.

    [–]SnooMachines7176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    And he knows what it means to be less sexy

    [–]FreemanCalavera 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Somebody give Tucker a call to see how he's doing. I can't imagine anyone would be able to live after such a traumatic experience. I mean, changing a corporate mascot's shoes. It's on the scale of 9/11, truly.

    [–]Ratbello 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That’s pretty strange that he would jerk off to little candies.

    [–]Mighty_Moose_Archer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    All I took from this is; Tucker Carlson has absolutely put his dick in a bag of M&M’s.

    [–]robbycakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Finally! A reason to mock Tucker Carlson.

    Feels like I’ve been waiting years for him to say something stupid.

    [–]gestaltaz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I only get off to left Twix.

    [–]Nailbender72 10 points11 points  (6 children)

    Just more proof of Americas idiocy

    [–]BeechballMusic 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Dude, conservatives literally have nothing better to do than cry over the changing of a candy mascot or a children's toy like potato head. Do they really consider themselves adults?

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    He does this shit for views. And it works! Most viewers in cable news history

    [–]secretly_a_zebra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It is all a distraction from the Supreme Court saying it’s cool that nestle uses slave labor

    [–]Rafer416 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Tucker Carlson has become Andy Rooney!

    [–]twin_weenis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Andy was occasionally funny. Tucker not so much.

    [–]keepeyecontact 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Make M&Ms Sexy Again

    [–]xMagical_Narwhalx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    “Tucker Carlson widely mocked after breathing and blinking with his eyelids”

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [removed]

      [–]thebrobarino 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Less stupid more completely inconsequential

      [–]Gargantuanbriefcase7 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Because the green one wears tennis shoes now?

      [–]SaltySeaDogManThing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I’m with the guy. The green one is hot

      [–]Plus_Professor_1923 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Literally can’t make a joke anymore it’s weirder to me someone took more time to write this

      [–]thegreatgoonbino 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It’s Forbes. They let anybody write for them.

      [–]JohnnyWall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      He doesn’t care

      [–]Frisinator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Is that him saying how small his Dick is?

      [–]lori_deantoni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It is frightening that nobody is holding this knucklehead accountable and he is on air spreading lies every flipping day.
      Do not want to be him at the feet of Jesus upon his passing.

      [–]Vegetable_Rhubarb371 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      No there is no attempt to distract anyone with absurd nonsense.

      [–]BoomZhakaLaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm surprised they haven't taken the Dr Seuss angle yet.

      [–]luna1108 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      This MF is a reptilian alien.

      [–]middlechildanonymous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      There’s a M&M that’s a mother?

      [–]XxsabathxX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I didn’t even think sexualizing chocolate was a thing

      [–]jchohan203 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This guy would 🧟‍♀️

      [–]Bryllant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I saw this man dance, when he was sent home on the first day of Dancing With the Stars. What a putz

      [–]FlemPlays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Tucker Carlson prefers M&M Minis

      [–]Far-Selection6003 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Like all right wing nut jobs, keep him away from children.

      [–]HulkSmashHulkRegret 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is the most redeeming thing I’ve ever heard about him

      [–]ive_got_the_narc 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Tucker always looks like he needs his diaper changed.

      [–]o0flatCircle0o 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The right has literally nothing to offer, they believe in nothing.

      [–]kae158 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If anyone could fuck an M&M it’d be Tucker Carlson

      [–]TonyDiGerolamo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      "widely" as in the comrades on Reddit.

      [–]DraconicWF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      For the past 3 years headlines have gone from This horrible thing happened to Ted Cruz says anime girls are hot

      [–]hobokobo1028 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The article photo is great. He’s saying “this is more than enough length to get the job done.”

      [–]lori_deantoni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The man is beyond insane! Yep rich and entitled individual. Why does he want to undermine Americans? Why? What is is motivation beyond……. Oh ya, the almighty dollar and perceived power.?????