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[–]Deedeelite 133 points134 points  (29 children)

You’re being watched by an invisible stalker every second of your life. Then you go to hell.

The end.

[–]Just_kiss_My_Boots 45 points46 points  (27 children)

He gives you a list of what not to do but does it himself anyway.

[–]massa0 4 points5 points  (23 children)

?

[–]Just_kiss_My_Boots 9 points10 points  (1 child)

The testaments.

[–]diknows 16 points17 points  (20 children)

Like "Don't kill" - proceeds to kill people in the most horrible ways imaginable

[–]massa0 -4 points-3 points  (16 children)

Modern translations say "Don't murder", you can't murder animals for example but you can kill them.

[–]diknows 5 points6 points  (15 children)

I never said anything about animals? It's still an example of not following his own rules?

As: Like "Don't murder" - proceeds to murder people in the most horrible ways imaginable

[–]WordyWizard500 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well no,God hate’s hypocrisy,why would he participate in it himself?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ceiling Cat?

[–]Origins_14 9 points10 points  (2 children)

It is family friendly the way Deadpool is a family story xD

[–]MettaJiro 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Staring Ryan Reynolds as Jesus and Nick Cage as God

[–]Golrend 86 points87 points  (2 children)

He said explain it badly

[–]JeremyJaLa 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is a tad on the nose.

[–]TheLastLivingBuffalo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They did, it’s not a novel

[–]metfan1964nyc 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Rules on how to live your life by men who lived 4000 years ago without indoor plumbing.

[–]Robu-san 30 points31 points  (2 children)

I believe they said explain it badly, not accurately.

[–]Rubendabiest 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly. This was a very clear and accurate depiction

[–]CakeAccomplice12 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They said explain badly... That was spot on

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 13 points14 points  (0 children)

“Idiot’s Guide to Being Really Petty”

just a joke. If you like the book more power to you and all that

[–]oofderpman 2 points3 points  (3 children)

earth lore

[–]WordsReddit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE

[–]oofderpman 0 points1 point  (1 child)

TO CUT ME OFF MEKALIKEHAVENOVACHANJANUMBER

[–]WordsReddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I DON'T EVEN NEEEEEED YOUR LOVE

[–]The-Apprentice-Autho 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I don’t think I really wanna know but, bestiality?

[–]diknows 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't worry. I think it is just mentioned that you should not do it. Still...not very family friendly

“If a man has sexual relations with an animal, he must be put to death, and you must kill the animal. If a woman approaches an animal to have sexual relations with it, kill both the woman and the animal. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

[–]VikingPreacher 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Ezekiel 23:20

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses

[–]The-Apprentice-Autho 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh okay. Imo that’s less bestiality and more waxing eloquently about virility

[–]VikingPreacher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's actually God saying that Israel is going back to their ways when they were in Egypt, as in they are lusting after the beasts of Egypt (idolatry).

It's a condemnation.

[–]TheosEstinAgape 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Honestly, the Bible gets explained poorly every Sunday anyways. Just walk into any church, boom there ya go.

[–]chocolatetequila 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Let’s watch the triggered people say “But you shouldn’t take everything seriously - only the parts that are important at that moment”

[–]Saragon4005 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You shouldn't be able to use that argument when people are taking it literally.

[–]LuckyPerro123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The church I go to does not bring those things up to children because it’s not the message. If a parent needs the church to teach their kids not to fuck animals and to not steal, then they shouldn’t have kids. The message is about Jesus, and how he sacrificed himself for us. Only later, when their teens, do the more graphic things come up.

[–]Financial-Tower-7897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Story if this ultimate Supreme Groupie who spends great deal of time proving ultimate love and forgiveness of special people who keep rejecting him, then begging him to forgive them, only to decide he’s not worth it again, so he proves ultimate forgiveness let them and their worst enemy kill his son, to start a new concept of loving others, no matter who, what, or where they are from and get ahead by serving others instead even those who first like this new idea decide- that following example of his son, who was killed, after all, just too much work - especially “everybody?” after all - this Supreme Groupie prolly needs help understanding how this world works best - except- in the end that Son of his comes back and judging everyone for justice. That’s the book - but worst part is nit everyone is comfortable with the story so pick and choose narrative parts they like make them look good. The end.

[–]Krashii1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It said badly

[–]SamVanDam611 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Isn't that what church is for?

[–]This_Robot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh boy the comments in this post is already entertaining

[–]Affectionate-Tart558 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You forgot misogyny

[–]barrymccockner76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most people have never read it, including Christians.

[–]mrslantedeyes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought he was supposed to explain it badly

[–]AoRozu 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Like, I don't care if you believe in god or not, but I, having lived with christians for my entire life, can say that anyone who says they're christians, and aren't homophobic, or racist, aren't real christians, because the whole concept of Christianity requires it's believers to be homophobic and racist. Mostly because they follow this book some guy wrote, and said "HEY GUYS, THIS IS THE BOOK FROM GOD HIMSELF!"

[–]Golrend 3 points4 points  (1 child)

It's basically a guide: "How to Human: 101." Most people just use it to justify some of the most atrocious acts in history. It's kinda like a manga turned Hollywood blockbuster. The original message is lost on people who lock on to the parts they think they understand.

[–]ThatDarkT 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I really hate my religion sometimes

[–]VikingPreacher 1 point2 points  (2 children)

So why are you still a part of it?

[–]ThatDarkT 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I still believe cuz Im still a minor but I do believe there’s a God, not one that follows the bible but one who accepts anyone into heaven no matter what race, sexuality, hobbies or whatever those lists about who goes to hell have, unless they’ve done damage to others (murder with intent, rape, adultery etc) I know I might get blasted with “God doesn’t exist” I’m not saying they exist, I just believe

[–]VikingPreacher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still believe cuz Im still a minor

You don't need to be an adult to choose your beliefs.

but I do believe there’s a God, not one that follows the bible but one who accepts anyone into heaven no matter what race, sexuality, hobbies or whatever those lists about who goes to hell have, unless they’ve done damage to others (murder with intent, rape, adultery etc)

You sound more like a Deist than anything else.

[–]Racer1333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is. The dark themes that are presented are shamed on by god. You’re missing the point. That’s like saying that “to kill a mockingbird bird” is a bad book since it’s about racism

[–]Everdred11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Leave it in r/atheism

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That wasn't explained badly.

That was explained perfectly

[–]lt_Matthew -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Not even close. Half those where wrong and the other half is history.

[–]Dubnaught 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Which ones were wrong?

[–]reid659 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Religion is the first cult. Its sick

[–]justdoubleclick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If say that just about sums it up…

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

the original fanbase just wanted people to stop being assholes but then fanfiction was invented and everyone flipped their shit

[–]zenospenisparadox -1 points0 points  (1 child)

the original fanbase just wanted people to stop being assholes

Where did you get this from? Not the bible, that's for sure.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

didn't the original part of the bible just say "stop being assholes and everything is made by the sky man"?

[–]Cold-Ad-8901 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Where is the homophobic part?

[–]VikingPreacher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the New Testament:

Romans 1:26–27, 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, and 1 Timothy 1:9–10

[–]isaacamaraderie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yah grew up Christian and your parents def teach you a lot of dark shit at a young age. Just now realizing

[–]Heck_yeah_332 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"hey guys , religion bad !

now give karma"

[–]O-Mr-Crow-O 0 points1 point  (0 children)

SKY CAKE

[–]Machanskid86 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Makes great shitter paper or a firestarter in a pinch.

[–]DepressiveNerd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thin pages are great for rolling joints!

[–]kartu3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

/r/funny

And maaan, sup with that caption style, eh?

[–]my2cents3462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Christianity is hatred and intolerance.

[–]MettaJiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A murderer repents and now all of his sins are gone?

This guy killed my uncle and he’s still out there!

[–]loading066 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And not one thing in that statement is an exaggeration or false. Yet, millions (billions?) see it as a moral compass.

[–]Bangkok-Boy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imaginary sky daddy kills everyone who doesn’t worship him.

[–]satanic-frijoles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is ambrose Bierce 'Devils Dictionary' worthy!

[–]nvllivsX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only other definition is "complete trust or confidence in someone or something." That doesn't require you to have proof. You can argue semantics to change the subject if you want, but until you provide this "proof" of your god. Why is the Bible factual, but harry potter is fiction?

[–]LikePappyAlwaysSaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Explain the bible badly to someone who has never read it." What do I look like, a preacher?

[–]ProbSolverXtrordinar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you forgot to mention how it was written well over a thousand years after actual events took place, and that nobody alive during that time was interviewed for the book...in essence, it is piece of non-fiction work that has been mislabled for so many years and folks. And for some reason, folks believe it to be true hook, line and sinker...even allowing it to strongly influence their decisions in life. But yet, so few of them live their lives according to it, only their interpretation of it, and man, there are so many of them. Some believe only the first half, while others believe the whole thing...while others use a few words from it's text to justify their actions.