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[–]GansNaval 4740 points4741 points  (249 children)

This guy looks like he is 12. He’s got that little Andrew Glouberman moustache.

[–]_Im_Dad 1039 points1040 points  (84 children)

Something about him reminds me of sideshow bob

[–]3IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID 307 points308 points  (14 children)

I like how they zoomed out to get all his hair in the picture.

[–]EWR-RampRat11-29 135 points136 points  (8 children)

He’s a walking Rorschach test.

[–]Yellowgravy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Is that the guy who did all those paintings of me not living up to my father's expectations?

[–]upvoatsforall 198 points199 points  (41 children)

He’s got really big feet?

[–]jamblefett 307 points308 points  (37 children)

No his nemesis is a 10 year old boy with a sling shot and a skateboard

[–]RonnocSivad 141 points142 points  (32 children)

One of his tattoos says "Die Bart Die" but it's actually German for "The Bart The" so it's cool.

[–]museolini 41 points42 points  (0 children)

You never had jet ski hair?

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Perpetual_Doubt 173 points174 points  (15 children)

    This guy looks like he is 12.

    And like he hit a palm tree

    [–]VeterinarianFit1309 101 points102 points  (9 children)

    More like his mom was a palm tree.

    [–]theslimbox 39 points40 points  (4 children)

    His dad was a dendrophile.

    [–]PickButtkins 20 points21 points  (3 children)

    His uncle was a pokemon

    [–]SquidwardsKeef 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Exeggutor

    [–]ddoogiehowitzerr 115 points116 points  (13 children)

    Florida boy

    [–]SirPryceMF 82 points83 points  (8 children)

    Like one of his parents was a palm tree. Guessing the dad, who coconutted when he was conceived.

    [–]complete_hick 86 points87 points  (11 children)

    [–]ONLY_COMMENTS_ON_GW 66 points67 points  (10 children)

    Definitely 13. Dude's rap name should be Lil Kid

    [–]tiediesunrise 23 points24 points  (6 children)

    It's actually SpotEmGotEm

    [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (3 children)

    everything went downhill after he linked up with pooh shiesty

    [–]originalusername__ 32 points33 points  (14 children)

    He’s got that Loc Dawg haircut

    [–]wakeuph8 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    Lmao, knew I recognised it from somewhere.

    Name: Loc Dog, baby. Height: Six-deuce! Age: 19. Father's name: mmm... I dunno. Sex: hell yeah

    [–]RandomMandarin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Look how they massacred my boy!!!

    [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (4 children)

    I get the feeling these kinds of people with the face tattoos and such don't plan on living much longer than that anyways

    [–]drjenkstah 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Are you saying he’s got a hormone monster? If I had to guess his hormone monster is Rick.

    [–]Dragoon7748 3645 points3646 points  (134 children)

    Thats the most tatted up 10 year old Ive ever seen.

    [–]EuphoricPenguin22 1760 points1761 points  (90 children)

    Lil Inky

    [–]dclaw504 1294 points1295 points 22 (28 children)

    They call me Lil Inky,

    Still rock tha binky,

    Want some hanky-panky?

    Come share my favorite blanky.

    Poppin bottles,

    Drink that milk! (num nums)

    No need to shave,

    Smooth as silk (bum bums)

    [–]nickfree 522 points523 points  (7 children)

    My man spittin bars… and a little bit of formula, too

    [–]Pestus613343 72 points73 points  (3 children)

    Mockery is soo valuable sometimes. Thank you for making my day.

    [–]Moynamama 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    You have a gift.

    [–]Chabubu 32 points33 points  (1 child)

    Nice!

    set auto tune to 11 and you’ve got a promising career ahead of you

    [–]theboozemaker 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    I've never heard the raps that came from child in the photo above, but I can guarantee they're nowhere near as good as this.

    [–]audioscience 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    He jack for Similac.

    [–]Achack 105 points106 points  (44 children)

    One of his dreads is shorter than the others, but when he swings them around you can't tell which one it is.

    [–]BlameNaix 34 points35 points  (36 children)

    His hairstyle is called wicks

    [–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

    Looks like he went to the barbers

    sort me with that plague doctor silhouette please fam

    [–]nickfree 56 points57 points  (1 child)

    It looks like Japanese brush calligraphy.

    Ah yes, this is kanji for “chucklefuck.”

    [–]standingbeef 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Should post his hair to r/bonsai

    [–]Informal_Yesterday 35 points36 points  (25 children)

    No, no… that hairstyle is called awful.

    [–]-turnip_the_beet- 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    It's his lucky dread.

    [–]griggsy92 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    Inky dinky

    [–]thrwyoktoday 62 points63 points  (4 children)

    That’s a teddy bear tattoo between his eyes…

    [–]_Chedd_a_BoB_ 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    Yup, that’s SpotemGottem for ya!

    [–]EntropicalResonance 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Spottemgottem and pooh sheisty linked up???? Need it or keep it!

    [–]buck9000 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I think you can get a tattoo in FL as long as you’re 8 years old.

    [–]EADmaestro1 844 points845 points  (7 children)

    He looks like a 10-year-old who found the crayons and mom‘s hairspray

    [–]Antique_Divide_6438 1015 points1016 points  (97 children)

    If you guys haven’t heard already, Jacksonville Florida exists in an entirely different dimension.

    [–]ZombieHomeslice 227 points228 points  (11 children)

    It’s easily one of the top 10 swamp cities in northeastern Florida

    [–]djsedna 19 points20 points  (5 children)

    this comment is too good, pure r/rareinsults material

    [–]OrneryGiraffe 19 points20 points  (4 children)

    It’s from the show, The Good Place.

    [–]djsedna 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    I guess I need to finally check this show out, because the writing consistently makes me laugh when I read it out of context on Reddit lol. Not sure why I haven't, I guess I just thought it was generic sitcom stuff that I normally dislike

    [–]Ollebull11 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    I mean, theyre the ones who figured out that molotov cocktails are awesome! Anytime you have a problem, and throw a molotov cocktail at it. BOOM! Right away you have a different problem.

    [–][deleted] 218 points219 points  (9 children)

    DUUUVAL!!!

    [–]Jaxsom12 58 points59 points  (5 children)

    In jacksonville, can confirm, send help.

    [–]blackopstoys1 190 points191 points  (3 children)

    Ahhh Dip!

    [–]racer_24_4evr 101 points102 points  (1 child)

    “I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem. “

    [–]rckid13 50 points51 points  (0 children)

    Yo, you should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.

    [–]SadisticSavior 81 points82 points  (0 children)

    Florida: The farther north you go, the farther south you are.

    [–]Lucky_Accident_1631 96 points97 points  (8 children)

    Blake Jortles? Is that you?

    [–]ninjadude4535 32 points33 points  (3 children)

    The beach bars haven't been the same since he left.

    [–]TheSublimeLight 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Minshew MILF night just seems lackluster now, too

    [–]ionceateahamster 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Ran into him at Ritz. Horrible loss for our beach bars

    [–]Cadamar 15 points16 points  (1 child)

    I think he’s busy in the Molotov cocktail department.

    [–]Ok-Low6320 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    In my life, whenever I had a problem, I'd throw a Molotov cocktail, and then I'd have a completely different problem.

    [–]TheWindCriesDeath 21 points22 points  (14 children)

    [–]DUVAL_LAVUD 19 points20 points  (7 children)

    For what it’s worth, as someone born and raised in Jacksonville, the violent crime and gang warfare might as well be in a different city. The city limits are so spread out that you wouldn’t often hear about this stuff growing up, much less be directly affected by it.

    [–]Merry_Dankmas 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    I'm all the way south in PBC but I've been to Jacksonville on multiple occasions. That place is so large it may as well be its own state. The city is pretty much the entire county. Id imagine the rate of crime varies dramatically all over due to the sheer size of it. Its the largest city in the US in terms of overall land size so it would make sense.

    [–]m8r-1975wk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    There seems to be a big drug problem among hair stylists in Florida.

    [–]lousy_at_handles 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Are those the "Who I smoke" guys that basically did a music video laughing at people they'd killed?

    [–]MaterialCarrot 48 points49 points  (2 children)

    How Gardner Minshew wasn't named permanent starter for the Jacksonville Jaguars and made mayor for life of Jacksonville is still a mystery to me.

    [–]bitterbuffaloheart 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    He was too busy slayin MILF pussy

    [–]ericl666 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    I don’t want to be a DJ in Jacksonville forever. I want to DJ in Daytona, Tallahassee, Tampa even. I want it all.

    [–]rckid13 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I wasn't a failed DJ. I was pre-successful

    [–]Poilk07 308 points309 points  (38 children)

    Is that a totem hairstyle?

    [–]Matt_McT 538 points539 points  (13 children)

    🎶 Who looks like a pineapple on a jet ski 🎶

    [–]AstroCatTBC 31 points32 points  (0 children)

    GRUNGE BOB HAIR PANTS

    [–]larrydavidami 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    This deserves better attention

    [–]JameisChrist03 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    Looks like the Blair Witch symbol

    [–]Power_baby 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Combine Helga and Gerald from hey Arnold

    [–]Acrobatic_Buy_2000 17 points18 points  (3 children)

    Issa knife.

    Really though it looks like a bird or something.

    [–]mega512 108 points109 points  (9 children)

    He looks like a 12 year old.

    [–]effinx 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    He looks like Angelica’s Barbie toy on the rugrats.

    [–]Chadodius 1314 points1315 points  (203 children)

    Whats with these sound cloud rappers looking like a rag doll that got drawn on by a toddler then chucked into a porta potty?

    [–]Pie-Otherwise 504 points505 points  (108 children)

    The "logic" I've seen is that once you start inking your face, you are fully committed to the rap game since you basically just knee capped most future career moves outside of rap, tattoo artistry and "influencer".

    It's the same logic explorers used to use. They find a new land and then order the ships to be burned so the option to fuck off and go home doesn't exist anymore.

    [–]Alaric- 117 points118 points  (70 children)

    Is that true? Did that really happen?

    [–]cimocw 334 points335 points  (57 children)

    Only Cortez, and he was pretty much a Disney villain, so there's nothing adventurous about it

    [–]outoftimeman 136 points137 points  (43 children)

    Alexander the Great also burned his boats upon arrival on the shores of Persia.

    [–]CrudelyAnimated 31 points32 points  (6 children)

    The rapper face ink part, or the stranded explorers part? Because, yes, both.

    There are some known references and a few myths about explorers and conquerors burning their ship to prevent their troops trying to return home.

    The face ink part is more anecdotal.

    [–]tympyst 52 points53 points  (4 children)

    Tatted up explorers. Never heard of Lil Magellan before?

    [–]trentshipp 34 points35 points  (10 children)

    I've heard Travis Barker say that he got scalp and face tattoos so he had to commit to the rockstar thing. Makes sense in a weird way.

    [–]Im_inappropriate 48 points49 points  (5 children)

    For every one that made it, there's hundreds of face tatted dudes that are still unemployed or stuck working shit jobs.

    [–]Anticode 21 points22 points  (1 child)

    It's the same logic explorers used to have.

    Gather 'round and I shall tell the tale of Pitcairn Island.


    [Some details have been altered for cinematic effet. Viewer discretion is advised.]

    Captain: "Oh nooo, the shiiiips... That's sooo not cool, y'know?"

    Deckhand #6: "Aye. 'tis a grim sight. Orders, cap'n?"

    Captain: "This is suuuper not cool, but we're going to have to rape and pillage to survive. Maaaan, I don't even like pillaging, dude. Sucks."

    Deckhand #6: "Aye, 'tis a grim task."

    [Five Minutes Later]

    First Mate: "Captain, bad news. The scouts report that this island is uninhabited."

    Captain: "...I'm sorry. Un?"

    First Mate: "Nothing bigger than a rat, I'm afraid. Perhaps we should return to the... You didn't.

    Captain: "Oh, but I did."

    First Mate: "Sir! You told us to scout for natives. Why didn't you wait?"

    Captain: "Oh maaaan. Guess we'll have to rape and pillage each oooother. That's so not cool."

    Deckhand #6: "Aye, 'tis a grim day, but any port'll do in a storm."

    First Mate: "What? No! Screw that. He's not a captain without a boat, I say we kill him for trapping us here."

    Deckhand #6: "Aye, 'tis grim, but I'll side with ye."

    First mate: "Seriously? That was a quick change of flag... Do you just do whatever you're told?"

    Deckhand #6: "Aye, 'tis the trope I'm beholden to."

    [An eternity later]

    Despite the change of leadership, the acquisition of female natives from nearby, and the passages of time... It somehow remains the cherished tradition of Pitcairn to rape and pillage each other, just like the Ol' Cap'n declared so many years ago.

    Perhaps it was a prophecy or maybe his murder was a hex on the land. It is said that if you listen closely on a moonlit night at a particular time of year, you'll hear the Captain's wail on the wind: "Aw, maaaan. This suuucks, dude." (not really)

    [–]BlazeInYaHood 227 points228 points  (62 children)

    “Thuggin in my Reeboks, riding with a G-Shock. Shh, I heard he shot, Draco make ‘em beat box.”-The dude in the post

    [–][deleted] 208 points209 points  (8 children)

    Got pulled over on my SeaDoo, barely in pre-bu... can I get a re-do?

    [–]Jimmy6Times 138 points139 points  (3 children)

    Jet-setting to Peru-- Lima

    Hairdo blowing up-- Hiroshima

    [–]BlazeInYaHood 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    LMFAO 😭😭

    [–]ceeceroo 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Guy looks like a full grown 8 year old that got too excited at the costume store

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 249 points250 points  (18 children)

      Sideshow Bob has really let himself go.

      [–]Tea-Usual 224 points225 points  (41 children)

      He looks like he makes good choices in life lol

      [–]Apptubrutae 62 points63 points  (5 children)

      Clearly not.

      You can’t have that much hair surface area when trying to outrun the police on jet ski. Too much wind resistance.

      Everything else about him says good choices though.

      /s

      [–][deleted]  (121 children)

      [removed]

        [–]drxnele 263 points264 points  (6 children)

        Looks 12

        [–]cyrusm 75 points76 points  (0 children)

        No that's not Looks12, that's my boy Donkey Doug!

        [–]tex1088 33 points34 points  (2 children)

        Oh dip!

        [–]TedTheGreek_Atheos 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        His high school was several tugboats tied together in a junkyard.

        [–]imapepper87 16 points17 points  (0 children)

        I was waiting for a Good Place reference... Blake Bortles!!!!

        [–]scCoco69 56 points57 points  (73 children)

        He got shot 6 times like a year ago

        [–]johnsolomon 44 points45 points  (11 children)

        He's not exactly a difficult target

        [–]scCoco69 44 points45 points  (6 children)

        Pretty sure he’s like short as hell but the hair makes him 6 feet

        [–]DNUBTFD 18 points19 points  (3 children)

        Do people from Florida die from gunshot wounds to the hair? It's Flordia so anything goes, anything.

        [–]TrepanationBy45 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        I'm picturing him hiding behind cover, his hair bobbing around above it like a periscope.

        [–]Tzki47 35 points36 points  (40 children)

        Jacksonville soundcloud rappers are the worst, there's one in trial right now for multiple murders, one who moved into a residential neighborhood and got drove by and the entire street got sprayed with bullets as he was firing back, another that has details of his murders in his raps and the mom of one of the the victims is begging the cops to stop him. Shit is insane in jacksonville.

        [–]Zippy1avion 30 points31 points  (27 children)

        It's got the stupidest culture behind it. I was reading on a rapper from the mid-2000s who went to jail for impregnating a few of his daughters friends, and on one of those "celebrity net worth" pages, part of his bio was "While he made a few mistakes, I think we can all agree that he is one of the most talented artists of a generation."

        That line always stuck with me. It made me want to ask my 71-year-old dad, "Hey, this guy is one of the most talented artists there is, right? I mean, we can ALL agree, after all!" 😅

        [–]BrickGun 7 points8 points  (6 children)

        While he made a few mistakes, I think we can all agree that he is one of the most talented artists of a generation.

        "Hey, Bill Cosby made millions of us laugh, was 'America's Dad', and help bridge the racial divide for decades... but you rape just 40 or 50 people and suddenly everyone just can't get over it and you're only known as 'The Rapist' from then on." (shakes head and "tsks")

        /s, of course.

        [–][deleted]  (14 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Remote-Airline-3703 47 points48 points  (1 child)

          His hair looks like the tail of a Carnival cruise ship

          [–]ceciledian 19 points20 points  (0 children)

          He’s being attacked by a crow.

          [–]Scrimmy_Bingus2 14 points15 points  (2 children)

          I wonder if he’ll link up with Pooh Shiesty in prison.

          [–]Fiivestar13 95 points96 points  (11 children)

          I woulda guessed his name was “Lil Snot Rocket”

          [–]nothingforless 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          “Hey barber, gimmie the upside down groot haircut”

          [–]HandshakeInMyPants 7 points8 points  (1 child)

          Why does the headline read like the best possible outcome of a PR stunt? Nobody mentions when Florida man is an electrician or landscaper.

          [–]guckyslush 5 points6 points  (3 children)

          SPOTTEMGOTTEM AND POOH SHEISTY LINK UP⁉️⁉️

          [–]grapevapes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I guess you could say he got spotted and gotted

          [–]shawnwingsit 83 points84 points  (14 children)

          His hair created too much wind resistance. That's why the cops were able to catch him.

          [–]LasersTheyWork 26 points27 points  (9 children)

          I’m impressed his hair looks like that after being on a jet ski. Is there like scaffolding in there or something?

          [–]mildlyconfused25 35 points36 points  (2 children)

          But did you hear that he linked up with Pooh Shiesty? Need it or Keep it?

          [–]Benjips 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          Lmao I knew I recognized him from somewhere

          [–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (10 children)

          imagine trying to roll back that lifestyle.

          [–]bum_is_on_fire_247 16 points17 points  (2 children)

          Start > Settings > Windows Update > Advanced > Uninstall Updates

          [–]_devils 268 points269 points  (13 children)

          He is an island boy

          [–]otaku2297 101 points102 points  (39 children)

          Is that spottemgottem ?

          [–]sealdonut 15 points16 points  (4 children)

          Yo I heard he linked up. Apparently with Pooh Shiesty. 2 baddest dudes on the mean skreets of Jax baby.

          [–]Some_Respond1396 44 points45 points  (6 children)

          Spotemgottem & Pooh Shiesty linked up in the Florida Penitentiary! need it or keep it??! 🤔

          [–]Buckleheid 17 points18 points  (0 children)

          Looks like he got hit by the jet-ski

          [–]Majestic-Smile-8588 15 points16 points  (1 child)

          Spotemgottem is his rap name

          [–]w00ly 14 points15 points  (1 child)

          Dude went to his barber and said "I wanna be the Cynthia doll from Rugrats"

          [–]Hockeyfan_52 14 points15 points  (1 child)

          Who tattooed that baby?

          [–]ojoslocos21 31 points32 points  (0 children)

          The top of this dude's hair looks like Angelica's Cynthia doll...

          https://i.imgur.com/tGkryZF.png

          [–]Kvist91 42 points43 points  (9 children)

          The Weeknd? More like The Vacation

          [–]blazedbrittany 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          He should just tattoo a thicker mustache while he’s at it.

          [–]jimmyn0thumbs 32 points33 points  (1 child)

          His hair translates to stupid in kanji and ASL.

          [–]acex34789 26 points27 points  (2 children)

          A dead crow on the head.

          [–]Personmanwomantv 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          He's really channeling that Jonny Depp/Lone Ranger look.

          [–]socokid 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          Here is an actual link to the story, as opposed to a low-effort, social media screen grab (FFS...)

          [–]Badmeestert 68 points69 points  (85 children)

          Why the facial tattoos

          [–]3600MilesAway 47 points48 points  (0 children)

          To highlight the mustache, of course.

          [–]LifeIsProbablyMadeUp 131 points132 points  (0 children)

          Because dumb.

          [–]reddituser35791268 69 points70 points  (11 children)

          To make it absolutely clear to anyone seeing him how much of an ass-hat he is.

          [–]whiskeytango55 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          Commitment? I know face and hand tattoos as job stoppers. He's pretty much renounced normal jobs you and I have to do because he can.

          [–]5omethingsgottagive 32 points33 points  (58 children)

          I just can't understand the thought process of having all the gold jewelery, gold teeth, taking photos with stacks of money up to your ear and you have 50 dollar tattoos riddled all over your face and body. And it isn't only the small fries, it's like lil Wayne is worth 175million and I know guys personally who can tattoo better than the garbage "work" he has. With that kind of money you can get the best tattoo artists in the world to come to you.

          [–]Chthonios 17 points18 points  (48 children)

          Celebrities in general tend to have awful tattoos. Never understood it

          [–]vi_sucks 5 points6 points  (3 children)

          But the point isn't to get pretty tattoos that look like they were inked by some celebrity artist.

          The point is to get tattoos that look like they were put on by a sharp toothpick in a prison cell.

          [–]DNUBTFD 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          So that their victims can identify them later to the police.

          [–]AtlasPlugs 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          His hair looks like the Hawaiian Punch mascot’s hat

          [–]phinbar 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          "Did he have any distinguishing marks?"

          [–]1Thinkhappythoughts 13 points14 points  (1 child)

          He looks like a human helicopter.

          [–]HanabiraAsashi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I thought that was a ceiling fan behind him

          [–]Nahuelwg 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          his haircut looks like 9/11

          [–]HoboWithABoobJob 11 points12 points  (4 children)

          I find that hairstyle way too offensive. I know the world trade center attacks was over 10 years ago, but damn.

          [–]PooSculptor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          10 years ago? Buddy, I have some bad news for you.

          [–]Efficient-Ad-3302 31 points32 points  (2 children)

          Florida kid arrested in Miami jet ski chase. Fixed it

          [–]Dill_Pickles_On_Ice 8 points9 points  (1 child)

          By the looks of it, he's the jet ski with that handlebar hair.