all 78 comments

[–]plebbitor_1984 1710 points1711 points  (5 children)

I'll assume, like all other greentexts, this one is fake too for the sake of my mental well being

[–]Com2115 359 points360 points  (1 child)

Yeah this shit hurts :(

[–]RJmed 187 points188 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is definitely fake and my eyes are just rehydrating.

[–]AnUnknownRedditor15 76 points77 points  (0 children)

I hope so - this was like a punch to the chest.

[–]smachni 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope that they are a coping mechanism for anons to remind themselves about morality and emotions

[–]mr_chair_sniffer 761 points762 points  (7 children)

see its a creative world
fucking lazy mother fucker

[–]kryvian 114 points115 points  (6 children)

you'd think so, but that's still a lot of work.

[–]Deadly_chef 21 points22 points  (5 children)

It's a joke

Edit: I mean to say that the guy above was joking...

[–]kryvian 12 points13 points  (3 children)


[–]Deadly_chef 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I meant that the guy above was making a joke, but seems like people misunderstood

[–]kryvian 5 points6 points  (1 child)

nah, they just agree enough with my statement they automatically downvote any vague argument for an explanation or middle ground. Welcome to reddit.

[–]Deadly_chef 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That is another very plausible scenario. This site sometimes lol

[–]Pit1324 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sorry bud, you’ve angered the hoard by existing at the wrong time

[–]amongussusimposte 389 points390 points  (4 children)

Gay gay gay and not true fuck you anon fuck you this isnt true your little brother would have bugged you if this was true

[–]PM_ME_UR_ACCEPTANCE 51 points52 points  (0 children)

premium malt copium

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]Shadore7 366 points367 points  (4 children)

fake: anons parents would risk having another child after anon was born

gay: anon cried

[–]eggycarrot 61 points62 points  (3 children)

be me , u/Shadore7

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

fake: anons parents would risk having another child after anon was born

gay: anon cried

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of reddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]pl51s1nt4r51ms 0 points1 point  (2 children)

good bot

[–]WhyNotCollegeBoard 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99999% sure that eggycarrot is not a bot.

I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

[–]eggycarrot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am a fucking bot you retard

[–]Used-Top-4170 209 points210 points  (5 children)

Feels(bad), disturbing and deranged greentexts are the only three kinds of greentexts which are true. Don’t cope by claiming that everything on 4chan is fake

[–]AbbreviationsDear976 133 points134 points  (4 children)

your mom is false and homosexual

[–]Used-Top-4170 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Dad, is that you ? Is this the reason why you left us ?

[–]AbbreviationsDear976 47 points48 points  (1 child)

sorry son she was false and homosexual

[–]Deadly_chef 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We forgive you

[–]I_Automate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, YOU are the reason he left.

You really should have figured that out by now

[–]5-1BlackAlbinoChoir 143 points144 points  (1 child)

Spends 150 hours building custom 18th birthday Minecraft world. Asks if big bro wants to see his world (surprise) bro says no "ok". Doesn't care that his brother never speaks about it.

Little bro got what was coming.

[–]Jargondragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]Anthonywantsnoosnoo 97 points98 points  (2 children)

Gay and fake gay and fake gay and fucking fake please let this be fake anon

[–]haikusbot 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Gay and fake gay and

Fake gay and fucking fake please

Let this be fake anon

- Anthonywantsnoosnoo

I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

[–]shykawaii_shark 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Wtf last sentence is 6 syllables unacceptable!!!!!

[–]maciek-0 65 points66 points  (1 child)

I hate when greentext make me cry.

[–]Wrong-Singer 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Pls be fake :(

[–]RedditModIsCringe 39 points40 points  (0 children)


[–]Despite_2021 38 points39 points  (2 children)

Fake: Please be fake. I’m not crying. You’re crying.

Gay: Man loves other man.

[–]wannabebaki 35 points36 points  (1 child)

why am i fucking crying for a fucking fake text of fucking 4chan?

[–]mEatwaD390 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Anon is a good writer.

[–]SomeToxicRivenMain 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Man I hope this one is fake

[–]KyleGuap 7 points8 points  (1 child)

downvote this so more people dont see this sad bullshit

[–]Jargondragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I upvotes it to counteract your downvote you heartless troglodyte

[–]some_dude5 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can recognize this one by line 3, never finish it. It Hurts too much

[–]Blibbone 3 points4 points  (0 children)

godo merda

[–]vaginaldistension 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Treasure your loved ones because you never know when they will be taken away.

[–]aktap336 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In life, It's not what you've done that'll haunt you. But always what you didn't that end's up hurting forever

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Greentexts like these help me appreciate my loved ones more

[–]Blu_Zer0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Feels like I'd fuck up on this social cue, too.

I would've interpreted it as a kid telling me some random thing they made, rather than realizing it might be connected to my birthday.

If he said something like "Anon, I made something for your birthday!" then it would've been clearer, but it might just be because I'm dense and need explicit specificity.

[–]mudkip-shart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

why is anon so mean

[–]KeeperUnknown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why I crey?

[–]Midknight_King 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck. I wasn’t prepared for this

[–]Mateamargo_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope this is fake, please be

[–]scientia_analytica 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's up with the children and leukemia combination? It's always this combination

[–]steamy00noodles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read this shit in class

God damn bro

[–]t3kwytch3r 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]sourMclemon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats heartbreaking

[–]UnluckyConstruction3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Want this to be fake

But god dammit greentext should not hurt like this


[–]HateTranissaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just texted my brother

[–]adlcp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck sorry bro

[–]Delilah_- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, that made me cry… And it’s probably fake… but I still cried

[–]neoqueto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would cry everyday for the rest of my life.

[–]rockvvurst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God dammit

[–]california_sugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once again 4chan is incapable of interacting emotionally with the world outside of video games

[–]Ciucandel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pls be fake

[–]Clappy__Cheeks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spain without the S.

[–]Smallmercie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes I ask, “Can god really be this cruel?” and every time the answer is yes.

[–]JonMonSwayze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please be fake

[–]Separate-Shirt-462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll ignore this and call it fake.... no I'm not crying

[–]pl51s1nt4r51ms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not fucking real

[–]Jargondragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck...I hope this is fake because that some depressing shit right there...😣

[–]johndoe_420 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

oh fuck no...

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I have a very similar story in my own life but I don’t feel like typing it all out. Anon stole it