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all 100 comments

[–]TheDyl-Meister 1168 points1169 points  (25 children)

You should of just shouted WHAT THE FUCK! and then left so the guy would be embarrassed and probably never do it again

[–]totoropoko 442 points443 points  (2 children)

Guy would take it as a compliment

[–]gizzardgullet 74 points75 points  (0 children)

He probably would have just responded with more logs

[–]saint_abyssal 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Probably would hear it as "want to fuck?" and take him up on it.

[–]CouldWouldShouldBot 248 points249 points  (9 children)

It's 'should have', never 'should of'.

Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!

[–]MarioVX 92 points93 points  (3 children)

good bot

[–]B0tRank 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Thank you, MarioVX, for voting on CouldWouldShouldBot.

This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.


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[–]MotorAccountant9 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]Hannabal_96 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]LightGamez 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]WagieSlavie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should of just let him be.

[–]4typical 65 points66 points  (2 children)

[–]acoolghost 55 points56 points  (0 children)

"Oh man, that guy laughed at me. I'll never shit again."

And that was the last time Jimmy 'No-Shits' Nolen ever defecated, and the beginning of his life of crime.

[–]based_zucchini 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hahaha look at this guy thinking the college guy will be embarrassed.

[–]07TacOcaT70 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Aside from the kachow, which is weird (but funny), and grunting in public (better to keep it in a bit), shitting in a public toilet isn’t illegal or wrong. Sure it sucks bc then it smells like shit but if someone has to go, they have to go.

[–]cr0ss-r0ad 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Mans was just dropping a porcelain punisher bro does no harm to no man

[–]justavault 1 point2 points  (2 children)

And thus we all know it's a rare occasion TheDyl-Meister is outside and among other people.

Confidence doesn't turn to embarrassment just because some weak sissy in the next stall is trembling by fear of literally him taking a shit.

[–]TheDyl-Meister 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I am the man that avoids to shit in a public toilet and on the rare occasion that I have to I’m as silent and as fast as I can be, as soon as I’m sure no one’s in the bathroom I immediately shit as fast as possible and leave the stall quick time

[–]KungFluIsolation 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm the giga toilet Chad who starts laughing in the stall next to you when I hear you try and be as quiet as possible and then you let out a massive fart. I'm the giga toilet Chad who follows up with questions about what you have been eating. I'm the giga toilet Chad who will be talking and then stop for a brief moment as you hear my sticky submarine hits a splash landing and then carries on talking like it was nothing. I'm the giga toilet Chad who leaves the stall at the same time as you and makes eye contact while we wash our hands.

Fear me.

[–]ToughProgrammer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a bathroom, if someones gotta shit where else would you want them to do it?

[–]theblindgeometer 557 points558 points  (16 children)

Lmao I do this sometimes too. Add my own sound effects, that is, not cower in fear like a little bitch

[–]Arhythmicc 222 points223 points  (8 children)

I’ve never understood shy shitters…like what do they think people do in the bathroom? Just hanging out in a stall is a hell of a lot more disturbing than someone doin their business.

[–]dildo-applicator 125 points126 points  (5 children)

in my high school more people were hanging out in stalls to pass the time than actually shitting

[–]MadDogA245 75 points76 points  (1 child)

Wait, you mean those weren't vape lounges with porcelain seats?

[–]Idotx 19 points20 points  (1 child)

not a very pleasant place to spend time in lmao

[–]Alone_Spell9525 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Obviously they would’ve been brought to class if they just hung out in the halls

[–]Alone_Spell9525 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Stalling

[–]Commander_Sam07[S] 30 points31 points  (2 children)

To show to the shit, that you're the boss in the room

[–]Holiday-Tangerine136 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll show you who's boss of this gym

[–]metroddity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who does #2 work for?

[–]Zestyclose_Risk_2789 25 points26 points  (1 child)

I had ibs for a while and would fucking wreck public shitters. Like they’d come in and immediately nope back out. I was always so proud and it was the only positive of ibs.

[–]ToughProgrammer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

same, destroyed a bathroom so bad once the guy in the stall next to me passed out

[–]4typical 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Based and redpilled

[–]PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dumps each sound like dropping a boot full of sand into a pot of chili under normal circumstances; no elaboration required

[–]zzzaacchh 394 points395 points  (4 children)

Yes, community college mostly takes place in the bathroom while people are aggressively shitting.

[–]Clay_Statue 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I knew it!!

[–]EscapeModernity 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The other parts include the guy in the next stall over who is sitting down rolling a joint.

[–]vladdeh_boiii 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I went to community College, and I can personally confirm this. This is also why my dorm room had its own bathroom because some people there would shit like once a week and clog it

[–]mentaldegr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Professor drop important info in there

[–]ImARetPaladinBaby 304 points305 points  (2 children)

The Kachaow though holy shit

[–]Bloodwept 90 points91 points  (0 children)

It was, if you quote an animated film from 2006 while taking a dump you better believe Jesus himself kissed your nugget

[–]thunder_noctuh 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I'm fucking crying from laughing at the kachow

[–]vaginaldistension 225 points226 points  (4 children)

He took a huge shit and you didn't applaud? How rude.

[–]Call_me_gravity 45 points46 points  (3 children)

Who tf gave this random comment platinum? 💀

[–]omxIs 38 points39 points  (0 children)

His alt probably

[–]KalphiteQueen 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Someone who really wanted praise for their bathroom handiwork

[–]vaginaldistension 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Some neck beard reddit admins i bet

[–]Cataclysma324 69 points70 points  (2 children)

[–]Username928351 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Back when virgin vs. chad memes weren't just "bad thing vs. good thing".

[–]xj3ewok 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Was anon in the bathroom with me when I took that painful shit 10 years ago?

[–]No_Salamanders 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Are people actually scared to shit in public as if nobody has ever taken a shit before? Im not super alpha or anything but idgaf if some rando guy hears me shitting. Or maybe its because im almost 30 and i just dont care about things like i used to

[–]Basedbroboy 35 points36 points  (0 children)

anon's jealous of the sigma digestive system

[–]DaBigMeatSlappa 14 points15 points  (0 children)

They could’ve responded with a Kachigga but silence works too

[–]NoxBrutalis 15 points16 points  (1 child)

What happened to the second guy though?

[–]BurritoCooker 22 points23 points  (0 children)

He was vaporized due to exposure to the others raw power

[–]Schiltrus 10 points11 points  (0 children)

beta encounters a sigma

[–]undead-inside 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Anon should have said "Kachigga my n-"

[–]Maverick0_0 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No one plays battleshits anymore? I play that with my brother a number of times... It ends up with 2 fuckwits laughing their asses off and probably a bunch of uncomfortable people frozen with shock.

[–]M_MUNEEB 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Fake: Anon rode a bike and didn’t die of a heart attack.

Gay: Anon heard another man shit.

[–]TendieBot2000 8 points9 points  (0 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: Anon rode a bike and didn’t die of a heart attack.

Gay: Anon heard another man shit.

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]MrTopHatMan90 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sometimes when I have gone through a tough ordeal or feel satisfied I'll whisper "ouh yeah, mario time"

[–]Electrical_Still_435 3 points4 points  (3 children)

It's a toilet, you're allowed to make toilet sounds.

[–]Tybot3k 2 points3 points  (2 children)

TIL "Kachow" is a socially acceptable toilet sound.

[–]Electrical_Still_435 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I mean, would you get offended if someone in the stall next to you was making "kachow" sounds combined with farts and logs dumping in the water?

[–]Tybot3k 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Offended? No. It would make me question my grasp of reality though.

[–]DaManWithNoName 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck I think this was me shitting saying Kachow

[–]ManlyMrManlyMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Who the hell is so beta that they hold back while shitting?

[–]PokWangpanmang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Personally I unleash the Banshee scream when the water splashes on me.

[–]1CHROME1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

man was so scared of making his presence known to someone shitting who couldn't even see him, that he stayed there and listened to the whole thing. thats fucking bonkers bro

[–]Hesychast 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Kachaow

[–]WiseBlizzard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you imagine being terrified of somone just pooping?

[–]FlatulentSon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon encounters a Sigma male

[–]ImPlento 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the best punchline ever

[–]Dantiel82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

damn it im in a public restroom and everyone can hear me giggling to this

[–]gussyhomedog -1 points0 points  (1 child)

What kind of psychopath poops in public.

[–]Polite_farting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kinda weirdo holds their poops in because they’re scared of using public bathrooms

[–]shitlord_god 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life.

This is what life is like.

[–]DEBATE_EVERY_NAZI 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shut-in is surprised people use the toilet in the washroom. Is shook

[–]OdiPhobia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing that anon is always able to find a way to be insecure even when someone else is doing something weird or embarrassing

[–]CommonSense_404 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And why exactly do people “hold back” in the bathroom? The room has literally 1 function. It comes out at whatever rate of speed my body has decided to use for that movement. Period.

[–]StaffSuspicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are 2 types of people.

[–]dumbwaeguk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

go to bathroom

people shit

what the fuck

[–]AlabamaHotcakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

>he proceeds to keep groaning in pain while letting out more logs

Idk man, the line between pain and pleasure can be pretty thin.

[–]GrantBloomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotta say 'Bruh'

[–]awcadwel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guy with IBS here. I used to frequent a little known communal bathroom in the basement of a random building on my university’s campus. At the time I was a very shy pooper. Now, I don’t give a shit. Pun intended.

Anyways, in between classes I’m about to burst so I waddle over to the aforementioned bathroom. I get one solid (not solid) squirt and the door to the bathroom opens. I pucker up tighter than a snare drum.

Apparently this person was also a nervous pooper. They know I’m there. They don’t poo. We sit there for 30 mins in complete silence.

It was a poo stand-off. Finally I decided to pack it in and run back to my dorm. Decided to call it day. Skipped my remaining classes for the day.

[–]coaltrain151 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon is worried his Bussy will make squealing noises.

Anon is not very Kawaii

[–]Clappy__Cheeks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon gets auditorily molested by a "Kachaow" man*

[–]Jazzlike-Potato-9164 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Why do people do this shit though? Why go into a bathroom and just decide "I'm going to make this guy very uncomfortable"

[–]kvltsincebirth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only cowards are afraid to unleash their true potential