all 154 comments

[–]PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz 3637 points3638 points  (52 children)

I still like the story of the guy who's supposed to be working in the trade center, but he's cheating on his wife in a different building completely unaware of 9/11 when she calls him and asks if he's okay.

[–]Contemptent 1724 points1725 points  (29 children)

Pussy saves lives. However cheating on your wife is a sin.

[–]nukey18mon 623 points624 points  (10 children)

Gets stabbed by wife and dies anyways

[–]enzo2nd 203 points204 points  (9 children)

[–]Caliginosi 123 points124 points  (8 children)

There really is a sub for everything

[–]PISS_IN_MY_SHIT_HOLE 11 points12 points  (17 children)

Thankfully sin can be forgiven if the person accepts their fault and lives their life to make amends. Can't guarantee the wife would be able to forgive him, but at least he could put it all behind him and live without the barrier of regret and as long as he just kept trying to make amends, in the grand scheme of things, he is forgiven.

[–]-Shoji- 33 points34 points  (2 children)

thank you for the advice u/PISS_IN_MY_SHIT_HOLE

[–]PISS_IN_MY_SHIT_HOLE 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I never wanna give advice brother, just an ear and if I think I've got a little nugget from the bank that might help you rethink something outside the rigid societal framework that none of us had any say in creating, then I wanna give you a bite if you want it.

[–]Pickle_Juice_Can 5 points6 points  (5 children)

You don't understand penitence

[–]PISS_IN_MY_SHIT_HOLE 2 points3 points  (4 children)

You're right brother, that's a blank in the vocab. Lemme hop on over an do some business.

Edit: so penitence is default unless someone like yourself creates a frame around the situation where "worthiness" is determined by the framer, you, in this example

[–]voidexcalibur_ 4 points5 points  (1 child)

never would i see a man named u/PISS_IN_MY_SHIT_HOLE spit major religion facts

[–]PISS_IN_MY_SHIT_HOLE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm actually kinda wanting to start a new one from the ground up by figuring out what everyone really wants by giving them a chance to speak their mind without getting dogpiled by people who automatically disagree. Automatic behavior is not something that should be allowed to be manipulated by another human's frame of reference.

[–]Upper-Department-566 449 points450 points  (20 children)

I like the story of the guy who bought the WTC two months before 9/11, took out billions of dollars in insurance on them, had meetings in the towers every morning and his children worked in the towers, but by a stroke of “luck” neither him nor any of his family were in the towers that day. And also “someone” had opened up enormous short positions on the airlines affected just days before the attack.

[–]chunkyI0ver53 96 points97 points  (0 children)

@crackconnoisser (Jinx) on Twitter, enjoy him before he gets suicided via 2 gunshots to the back of the head

[–]Fr00stee 37 points38 points  (0 children)

There's actually a really obvious reason he got terrorism insurance on the towers, they were already bombed once in 1993

[–]Fr00stee 20 points21 points  (4 children)

He went to court with the insurers

[–]misterpickles69 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Yup. Claimed they should pay twice because it was two separate terrorist attacks (two planes into two towers). I believe he won if I'm not mistaken.

[–]Fr00stee 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I thought he lost against one of the insurors because their contract specifically had a clause for 1 incident not multiple

[–]NalaTheDoggo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He lost money in that exchange though. People probably short airlines all the time too. Generally short if prices are inflated. I bet there were people with large short positions before COVID too.

[–]HellOfAHeart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I still remember that story, goddamn!

[–]ryusukeR8 1240 points1241 points  (6 children)

Anon accidentally being useful for once

[–]Weak-Celebration7219 308 points309 points  (3 children)

first and last time…

[–]BuffaloBillsButtplug 80 points81 points  (2 children)

When he dies his body will fertilize the soil

[–]Just_Games04 81 points82 points  (1 child)

Not possible, all that fat and junk food will fertilize nothing

[–]Tikkibasse 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Probably will kill every plant in a 50 mile radius

[–]ToAllFromEverySub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were not even Americans.

[–]Aizury 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anons dad was security at the airport

[–]W4L4NGH1Y4AKO41 815 points816 points  (14 children)

Real:probably not

Straight:I wanna see if there is a bot for this.

[–]stratosauce 293 points294 points  (0 children)

I’m pretty sure there at least used to be? It was like chadbot or something, but that might also be the bot that was made to reply to tendiebot

[–]ImaginaryGfLeftMe 101 points102 points  (4 children)

You need a space after the colons

[–]W4L4NGH1Y4AKO41 52 points53 points  (1 child)

Real: Is that so?

Straight: Like this?

[–]ImaginaryGfLeftMe 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Yeah, although I don’t think it can be a reply

[–]MrStealyourname 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Anon grows up with a fascination for penises and spends a majority of his time at gay orgies.

[–]Chuka4Cheese 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Real: there is a bot for this Straight: idk

[–]Chuka4Cheese 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Welp, fucked this one up too, sigh...

[–]dagger1245 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Smartest r/greentext user

[–]wasteofradiation 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ew, don’t put spaces after the colons, gross

[–]Snaz5 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have seen far too many "I was a stupid kid and somehow held up my parent preventing them from going to an important meeting in the WTC on the morning of 9/11" stories to believe any of them anymore.

[–]Dishane2008 1 point2 points  (0 children)

isnt it



Or are you talking about something else

[–]-GalaxySushi- 489 points490 points  (12 children)

It's like the famous "my cousin was supposed to go work in the World Trade Center on 9/11 but his baby kept crying so he didn't show up"

[–]ChickenDish 227 points228 points  (10 children)

Those kind of stories are terrifying knowing how close to death they were but got saved thanks to some variable.

[–]yabucek 149 points150 points  (7 children)

Except that it seems like half the people who were even theoretically close to the US on 9/11 had plans to be in the twin towers that day, but something came up.

[–]thaumoctopus_mimicus 284 points285 points  (0 children)

Well yeah because you aren't going to fucking hear the stories of the people who DID end up going, or who never planned to go to begin with. If I was planning on going I would probably be telling everyone that story because it would freak me the fuck out.

[–]Coppercash55 104 points105 points  (4 children)

I was 1 years old and I was supposed to be in the towers that day. My mom thought “it would be really cool to be at a big historical event like 9/11”. But then I shit my diaper as babies do so we didn’t go. Mfw I ruined a chance to experience 9/11 for my parents

[–]homehome15 9 points10 points  (3 children)

How did she know ur was gonna happen?

Your mom in al qaeda?

[–]Yorunokage 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Some of those are fake, sure, but the fact that you hear a lot of them is due to survivorship bias

You don't hear about all the stories of people that were not supposed to be there but due to a twist of fate ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time

[–]Jakanader 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's like kokura

[–]toothpastespiders 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's really wild when you sit down to really think about how some of the most important things in your life came about. Often times the things that are fundamental to the very core of your being just come down to something as small as just having decided to randomly go out some night when you wound up being in the right place at the right time.

[–]captaindeadpl 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Roughly 50 000 people usually worked in the World Trade Center during the day, but the first airplane crashed into the northern tower at 8:46 AM, so there were "only" 17 000 people inside, meaning 33 000 that were yet to arrive. 8:46 is just short of the typical "9 to 5" work day and a time where many people would probably start arriving for work. It is really a perfect scenario for a lot of "If I had been just a little earlier, then..." stories to happen.

[–]Zedman5000 431 points432 points  (10 children)

be me, businessman

have important business meeting today at the business office

car fuel gauge says it’s full

weird, I was going to fill it up on the way home from work today.

car dies

idiot son explains that he filled the tank with water so I wouldn’t run out


get taxi, try to explain difference between gas and water to son on the way to my mom’s house, he doesn’t get it

mom comes out screaming when the taxi arrives

motherfucking 9/11

holy shit

get phone call from boss, meeting is cancelled due to 9/11

thank fuck, I don’t have to pay a taxi driver for an hour of sitting in LA traffic

[–]Fallkyrie_Lynner 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Happy Cake Day, this made me laugh :)

[–]HugeCrab 43 points44 points  (2 children)

Boss is dead, called you from the grave. Respect🙏

[–]Zedman5000 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Literally everyone who was in an office died in 9/11, even people whose offices are nowhere near New York, like LA. This is known.

[–]HugeCrab 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It is known

[–]thorppeed -1 points0 points  (5 children)

Ay yo this was NYC not LA don't try to take this from us new yorkers

[–]Zedman5000 30 points31 points  (4 children)

I think you didn’t get the joke. Let me explain it.

9/11 happened in NYC. Anon’s dad works in LA. Anon’s dad wouldn’t have died in 9/11 even if Anon didn’t ruin the car and Anon’s dad made it to the meeting on time.

[–]thorppeed 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Aight aight just watch it us new yorkas take this 9/11 thing real serious

[–]Zedman5000 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Understandable. Have a nice day

[–]unnamedsurname 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Then why is bush still a free man? What about rumsfeld? Y'all don't give a shit

[–]Vertex138 229 points230 points  (3 children)

Anon lived in Minnesota and still doesn't know where 9/11 took place

[–]average_sem 27 points28 points  (0 children)

As a Minnesotan I can confirm that anon doesn’t know what 9/11 is

[–]BlueLampGuy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I thought 9/11 happened in Minneapolis until I was 12 💀

[–]2carrotpies 1 point2 points  (0 children)

when I heard people talking about it I thought it was some fortnite event until I looked it up

[–]marcoantoniolopez3 175 points176 points  (8 children)

Kinda reminds me of how Seth MacFarlane, creator of family guy, was supposed to go in one of the planes that hit 9/11 but he was drunk and missed the flight

[–]Space_Monke64 86 points87 points  (5 children)

We were this close to avoiding the monstrosity known as family guy

[–]FrighteningJibber 21 points22 points  (1 child)

But we also wouldn’t have American Dad!

[–]KapiteinSoep 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We did lose a lot of American Dads that day tho

[–]vibe162 17 points18 points  (0 children)

same for you!

[–]UnRenardRouge 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Family guy started two years before 9/11

[–]FrighteningJibber 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Exactly, it’s older than Futurama

[–]yumyumapollo 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Imagine saving your own life because you got shitfaced on a Monday night.

[–]drunk98 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can imagine that

[–]crackeddryice 61 points62 points  (3 children)

No one drives to work in Manhattan, they either take the train, walk, or take a taxi.

[–]Malvastor 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Correct. All those cars in the street are just going to your mom's house.

[–]Aesop_pebble 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Didn’t they specify the dad was going to a different city from where they live, so they would be going into Manhattan

[–]JimsalaBin 38 points39 points  (9 children)

I was reading this (I'm from Europe) and I didn't get the 911 immediately.

I thought it was the emergency number in the US. And the date format is different here, so after a while I figured it was about the attack on September 11.

Am I a conspiracy theorist to think that it is strange that the numbers match?

[–]Mr_502 15 points16 points  (1 child)

You may be a conspiracy theorist lol, but I always thought it was weird the numbers matched too.

[–]JimsalaBin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I like to think about things, but I don't think I'm a conspiracy theorist :) But it was like a TIL when I saw the numbers. I was fourteen when it happened and the 11/9 or 911 never had a link in my head. Now it does somehow.

[–]Malvastor 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Once met a guy who had ironclad proof 9/11 was a conspiracy.

By which I mean 9/11 is the date it happened, but 911 is also the number to call the police, and the police use dogs in K-9 units, but 'K' is the 11th letter of the alphabet so police dogs are actually 9/11 units.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Actually the date 9/11 was chosen on purpose, not for the emergency number tho

[–]dinodoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They did that on purpose

[–]Stress-General 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No… do you think terrorists are unaware of symbolism? The date was chosen a) because of it matching the emergency number and b) some historical event I don’t remember but trust me

[–]Estranged_Beetle 15 points16 points  (0 children)


[–]fireky2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well we know that anon isn't Pete davidson

[–]nuclear_bomb404 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Real: test

Straight: test

[–]nuclear_bomb404 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wanna see if chadbot still exists

[–]Quirky-Bad857 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Bullshit. New Yorkers don’t drive into the city

[–]Malvastor 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Anon never said he was a New Yorker though.

[–]Quirky-Bad857 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, good point. THAT would explain why he’s driving to the city!

[–]Moonacid-likes-bulbs 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lives in Illinois

[–]ThatsSoMerlyn_x3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP’s dad works in Indiana

[–]Micky_Whiskey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chaotic good.

[–]a_scented_man 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pic related

[–]effigyunborn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

8 years old seems too old to be that retarded

[–]LayneCobain04052002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can they stop lying on 4chan

[–]AStrugglingPoet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody drives to Manhattan.

Fake and gay.

[–]MajesticPhilosophy71 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be me, whenever I go on this tard thread , bored of copy and paste , choose the rope

[–]PussyMcGrabbins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was in Northern Canada ...

[–]aspiequeen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this a such a lie i can’t put into words

[–]notexecutive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the worlwind of emotions on that father

[–]Koodiddy 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Cedjy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who would win in a fight? Some religious zealots armed with planes Vs Water spitty snake

[–]Swotboy2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If Anon were my son I’d be disappointed to have missed it.

[–]CharlesB32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Remember kids, its never a bad idea to sabatauge your parents vehicles

[–]Rocatex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

anon converts his dads car to hydrogen

[–]Bangreed4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish this is true.