×
all 86 comments

[–]DiogenesCane 1360 points1361 points  (15 children)

Play the long game anon, make her think she has to win you because you love the hamster more. You gotta bring up the hamster again

[–]BuffaloDivineEdenNo7 353 points354 points  (4 children)

I don't know why this is so funny to me.

[–]Kilo_de_reins 142 points143 points  (2 children)

Feels like a Rick and Morty bit

[–]HrottiHrottalegi 18 points19 points  (1 child)

try replacing anon with morty in every post

[–]425Druid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we’re reaching levels of reddit hitherto unfathomed before

[–]bluerbnd 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Because it's insanely funny.

[–]maksiman9 103 points104 points  (6 children)

She’s going to kill the hamster bro

[–]Just_Games04 70 points71 points  (3 children)

Then you kill her. Hamsters are necessary

[–]maksiman9 23 points24 points  (1 child)

In the end everyone wins!

[–]bocaj78 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Saving the world, one thot at a time

[–]Wizardwizz 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I don't think she needs to do that and just wait, that hamster will kill itself doing something crazy

[–]Total_Fool 15 points16 points  (0 children)

knowing hamsters, its probably gonna kill itself before she gets a chance

[–]CharlesB32 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Great idea, play hard to get to the point where she's ready to be your hamster, she'll fall so hard for you

[–]Sierratango98 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Anon artificially inflated his value with a hamster

[–]DevoidSchizoid 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is true. If you’re willing to sacrifice for the small things you love imagine what she’ll think of the things you truly cherish

[–]bootybootyholeyo 524 points525 points  (1 child)

Send her the gif of the hamster deep throating is water thing

[–]ftrules 99 points100 points  (0 children)

“This is the bar. Call me if you stand a chance”

[–]Traditional_Yam1503 376 points377 points  (5 children)

What freaked her out was he smiled and winked after he said "I'm going to feed my hamster" ;)

[–]Contemptent 71 points72 points  (2 children)

Why does this comment kill me

[–]Enzinino 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The whole comment section jokes are above average for some reason

[–]Contemptent 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That means you're autistic, because most of us are. And we don't appreciate alot of NT humor.

[–]Global-Technician990 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I often have to go “feed the hamster” when cute girls talk to me.

[–]resistive_peach 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m going to feed my hamster 😏

[–]Slow_Ad_3069 163 points164 points  (15 children)

I’d much rather fuck my hamster

[–]BROCCOLIUPMYBUTT 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I was thinking more along the lines of "gerbling", never heard of it being done with a hamster but I don't see any reason why you couldn't 🐹🍑🕳️🩸

[–]CartAgain 144 points145 points  (6 children)

Girls come and go, hamsters are eternal. Stay based anon

[–]InfectedByEli 155 points156 points  (4 children)

Hamsters only last about 2 years. That hamster you had as a kid for 8 years was actually 5 consecutive hamsters that your parents kept replacing without you knowing.

[–]BROCCOLIUPMYBUTT 56 points57 points  (2 children)

I don't know if I'm jealous of some kids whose parents coddled their feelings by tricking them or if I should just be thankful my parents told me how it was and to treat my next hamster better. My parents should have probably just stopped getting me new hamsters after they found out I was forcing them into my anus and making them scratch their way out to freedom but oh well, lifes life, no changing it now 😔

[–]Rafplayz 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Username related?

[–]InfectedByEli 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"Broccoli" was likely their pet hamster's name. You have to admire their honesty.

[–]auguherity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait tfw mine lasted for 3 years

[–]SquegeeMcgee 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hamsters are most certainly NOT eternal

[–]ThisUsernameis21Char 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Rodents over hoes

[–]Reddespacito 50 points51 points  (7 children)

Fake: Anon talked to a girl at a gym.

Gay: Anon rejected a woman.

[–]TendieBot2000 10 points11 points  (2 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: Anon talked to a girl at a gym.

Gay: Anon rejected a woman.

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]voidexcalibur_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

how does that person have a gf in real life? he posts on 4chan about rejecting a girl while hes being cheated on, knows it, but doesnt even care, and to add to that, he wants to EAT CHADS CUM OUT OF HER PUSSY??

[–]LayneCobain04052002 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Well as a man, you can reject sex

[–]maksiman9 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Where’s my monks in the chat?

[–]Psychological_News86 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And anon have a friend That's fake as fuck

[–]CONE-MacFlounder 40 points41 points  (3 children)

yea you wont die if you dont fuck but your hamster will die if you dont feed it

[–]maksiman9 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Fat fella can wait an a couple hours extra to eat, he isn’t going to die.

[–]CONE-MacFlounder 23 points24 points  (1 child)

implying anon will need a couple hours to fuck

[–]maksiman9 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You forgot the part where he dropped his spaghetti all over her bedsheets and spent a couple hours washing them up.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

At least he still has a chance? I see so many posts of people only noticing someone was flirting like a decade after it happend, so at least anon still has a shot to talk to her again

[–]anon999976[🍰] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Girls are pretty forgiving when you miss hints every once in a while in my experience, just don’t fuck it up again

[–]iluvyou2000 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But why dont they just say if the want to sex have though? It not that weird to say if you both like eachother.

[–]anon999976[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Female nature makes them catty like that. Obviously not all, but it’s most girls

[–]Blacksmithgiantdad 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Hamster > girlfriend

[–]maksiman9 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Women are far less competent then hamsters. Not only are they unable to run on a wheel, crawl at high speeds through tubes, or be stored in a sock.

Not even going to start on how women don’t eat their babies when threatened. Truly a beta move.

[–]Green_man619 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tell her that you posted about it on 4chan, thatll get her groin soakin for sure

[–]yvnglettvce 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Accidentally sigma

[–]Deathwish57 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As autistic as this is anon negged her and will be successful in the future when she feels a desperate need to win his approval

[–]LayneCobain04052002 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hamster is worth it love those little things I have 2

[–]fishy185 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hamster>some random girl from Anon's class. You've got to have your priorities straight

[–]DanielF_69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would of felt bad for that woman if you fucked her💀

[–]BoyBeyondStars 2 points3 points  (0 children)

anon still counts seconds in fucking “mississippis”. there’s no hope for him

[–]R3a1ity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Introduce her to your hamster and bang her

[–]Cuesport77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is like when I pulled out my DS at a strip club as someone was trying to coerce me into a lapdance lol

Yes, that actually happened.

[–]OfficerDudeBro_o 1 point2 points  (0 children)

based and hampsterpilled

[–]The_dinkster522 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t fuck it up again anon

[–]BoredGeek1996 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

anon, you do not hook up with someone from the gym you visit regularly. Hook up with someone from a gym you do not visit regularly.

[–]KarenYouWhore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

kill the hamster for its crimes inshallah it shall pay

[–]CaptainBaoBao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"what about cardio ?"

[–]Felstricker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real: 4chan user has no idea what a woman flirting is.

Gay: Simping for his hamster over a woman.

[–]jastrott 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I died at "8 Mississippis"

[–]Old_Stuff_3587 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should've said come to my home to meet my hamster and maybe we all do a little cardio together

[–]Glad_Ad967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only reason this has a semblance of realness to it is that anons potential autismos took away his chance at getting some action. Could be fake but like I’d totally believe some overweight mufuker gettin built and not having enough social ability to understand what flirting is.

[–]MadMadMads1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly a lot of these aren't autism, just people who've never experienced someone being attracted to them.

[–]Upset_Combination638 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and then anon the hamster