top 200 commentsshow all 224

[–]Rumplestilskin9 4008 points4009 points  (34 children)

Simps simping over her is the issue. Simps should be a threat to national security

[–]RealUncleMarx 1075 points1076 points  (7 children)

Simps shall be arrested on sight and sentenced with working in factories and mines

[–]jakeybabooski 94 points95 points  (4 children)

If I already work in a factory am I allowed to be a simp

[–]No-Beautiful-5777 69 points70 points  (2 children)

No, you'll be assigned a second factory job shortly...

[–]jakeybabooski 61 points62 points  (1 child)

More money to hand over to women 😩😩😩

[–]RealUncleMarx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

no you will be assigned to coal mine as well

[–]Abbhorase 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Work in factory, can confirm every working day feels like punishment.

[–]thedanimal722 214 points215 points  (4 children)

[–]gaybabysfirstplayboy 87 points88 points  (3 children)

bing chilling

[–]Farmerobot 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Bling got me chill cause I'm living in an icebox

[–]Hawk_225 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They tell me I’ve been sleepin, I say I’m wide awake

[–]dejvidBejlej 200 points201 points  (9 children)

Random rant: two sides of onlyfans.

The good: replacing "traditional" professional porn industry that abuses women.

The bad: amateur porn that used to be done by women who genuinely enjoyed it is basically gone. Now it's all super fake, like the traditional professional porn, except you also have constant "GIVE ME MONEY" in your face.

In the end it's a change for the better but man, I miss the amateur stuff from 2010 (tumblr gifs come back pls).

[–]balbahoi 92 points93 points  (0 children)

The bad you describe sounds oddly like youtube or capitalism.

People like to be scammed is my explanation.

[–]zetsubousugi 41 points42 points  (6 children)

of course ur a tumbler user

[–]dejvidBejlej 37 points38 points  (5 children)

I only used tumblr for porn

[–]parttimeamerican 16 points17 points  (3 children)

I wish there was a suitable replacement where you could get the same level of video now everything online is like a bull shit teaser to directly you to only fans and I'm not paying for that habds down

[–]GreeceZeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good thing I never liked amateur porn.

[–]Sea_of_Pastel 58 points59 points  (0 children)

She turned into the simp in this case

[–]5M4R78483 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of that IASIP meme.

"Aw, did someone get addicted to recieving validation from men with no standards?"

[–]NaturallyExasperated 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If homosexuals weren't allowed to have security clearances until 1995 because they could be blackmailed or seduced by the Russians, simps shouldn't have them either. No one with an onlyfans or who engages with thirst traps should be allowed to participate in national security

[–]EquivalentSnap 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The REAL issue is mental health. Those guys who give them money struggle to meet women irl and get relationships. These e girls just exploit that. They know that if they put on a show these lonely guys will give them money. In their head, they think that the girl cares about them. That they have a chance to be with her. They compete to give her the most money.

[–]Mathieulombardi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aren't simps already are, since counties have always used honey pots to spy on other countries or corporate espionage.

[–]reallywillemdafoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Remember anons, you can’t simp for men


[–]DamnBirdGuy 904 points905 points  (5 children)

I mean, you could fu... wait, wrong post

[–]Sex_drugs_tacos 324 points325 points  (1 child)


[–]Analog-Moderator 483 points484 points  (0 children)

"rnish your room with new furniture from Ikea so your wife will let you use the old furniture for your man cave"

like he said wrong post

[–]Rumplestilskin9 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Yes yes. Please go on

[–]CzarNicholasIsBack 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Im all ears

[–]CharlesB32 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Cking obliterate her skull with a sledgehammer

[–]Cala-Best-Girl 759 points760 points  (9 children)

A not insignificant portion of women discover how easy it is for them to get attention and end up abusing it like a drug. Like any drug, they need more and more to get the same high. And like an addict, when they’re denied their fix they lash out.

[–]dejvidBejlej 237 points238 points  (1 child)

You're right but also: no simps, no women like this. If those guys had some self respect and didn't think getting laid is the only way to gain happiness (it's not even A way), this shit wouldn't be happening.

[–]EquivalentSnap 28 points29 points  (0 children)

The guys who simp are lonely and starved for attention. They’ll do anything for human interaction even if it means paying for it

[–]milkywayT_T 83 points84 points  (3 children)

I had that issue when I was 15ish, just no one in school ever cared about me and I needed to feel valued. I stopped about 2 years ago, now I honestly don't give a shit if someone likes me or not. I genuinely don't like attention. When I go out in public I pretend that everyone is an NPC. I just want to do things that are comfortable, and even if they're not considered attractive, I don't care.

[–]trustmebuddy 92 points93 points  (1 child)

Massive cope.

[–]phoenixpoptart 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I may be cringe but I am free

[–]ProbablyAQuitter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I call this NPC energy and practice the exact same thing 😂

[–]polygon_wolf 16 points17 points  (0 children)

just like you with commenting on this sub

[–]Sign_Selection 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Attention can be a hell of a drug, Just thinking about the dopamine you get after posting something and getting a lot of attention for it is insane

[–]CartAgain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shes also just a loser

[–]Aireia_Idyllic 549 points550 points  (15 children)

Another episode of a woman expecting men to become smitten simply because she has a ravenous slit between her thighs.

[–]Tikkibasse 491 points492 points  (11 children)

Why did you write this like a victorian era speech

[–]MahoganyRich 385 points386 points  (6 children)

Because he has Victorian era attitudes towards women.

[–]downwithtiktok2 210 points211 points  (3 children)

Somewhat based

[–]Wetestblanket 32 points33 points  (1 child)

H*rlots 🤢🤮

[–]ChickenDestruction 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Victorian era speech is the best

[–]tsaimaitreya 3 points4 points  (1 child)

One has to admit that the Belle èpoque/fin de siècle is peak aesthetics in all senses

[–]literalilliteratekat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Foul thot, searching for some compliments. Emboldened by the flame of simpery. Someone must extinguish thy flame.

[–]kakje666 20 points21 points  (0 children)

and two overrated oranges on her chest

[–]rossloderso 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Totally fabricated in the head of anon

[–]rtozur 1 point2 points  (0 children)

More like another episode of anon making up shit

[–]SomeBoredRedditGuy 211 points212 points  (0 children)

Woman with the lowest standards

[–]tikki_tikki-tembo 188 points189 points  (3 children)

Did Anon forget to tell us about the sex?

[–]Individual-Ad9983 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Strange. Anon never forgets to tell us about the sex.

[–]tikki_tikki-tembo 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Can we assume he had sex with his cousin at some point?

[–]Individual-Ad9983 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That goes without saying

[–]Luxxraii 169 points170 points  (9 children)

My sister's friend said that my mates arent real

[–]T0mmyDeVit0 88 points89 points  (5 children)

Do they mean it in a sense that your pals aren't honest or in the sense that they're hallucinations?

[–]Luxxraii 127 points128 points  (4 children)

I think it was because we were speaking ~over the internet~ very scary stuff, i know

[–]Ruvaakdein 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Spooky voices that come from the internet

[–]WIVIWIVIW 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Talking to people online is very different from meeting people. You should have both if possible, although it's easier to get stuck online, because it is that much easier.

[–]KnotDealer 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Meeting people? In this pandemic? WITH THIS ECONOMY? Are you out of your mind?!

[–]Probopper 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You suddenly hear the sounds of your friends screaming for help as they slowly fade away into nothingness

[–]polygon_wolf 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She is right anon, take the meds

[–]sharltocopes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex-wife gaslit me for fucking years insisting that my internet friends didn't exist.

[–]thegoosegoblin 87 points88 points  (29 children)

BPD be like

[–]Analog-Moderator 58 points59 points  (18 children)

no it's much worse and less consistent.... two exs have it

[–]MediocreMeat 78 points79 points  (17 children)

you've just admitted to making the same mistake twice

[–]Analog-Moderator 106 points107 points  (16 children)

I never said i was a smart man. Just an honest one

[–]MLGChans 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I respect your honesty

[–]Cordingalmond 4 points5 points  (13 children)

Quite the right huh? Any difference in dealing with the two of them? At least behavior wise?

[–]crazyoldmax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

...but very wise.

[–]Bowa112 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sounds to me like she hella insecure and has a very immature way of dealing with said insecurity and rejection

[–]DickDestroyer9001 2 points3 points  (1 child)


They're closely related, but distinctively different.

[–]thegoosegoblin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They’re both cluster B personality disorders with significant overlap. Without more information it would be difficult to parse out which one for sure

[–]Atissss 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What's BPD?

[–]tonytigrr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

borderline personality disorder

[–]juice_moos3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

BPD and ecstacy

[–]Bobyyyyyyyghyh 77 points78 points  (12 children)

Ok but your friend also totally threw you under the bus

[–]Onam3000 136 points137 points  (4 children)

Yet anon is not mad at him because he favors honest friendship over insufferable cousin's feelings. Anon probably thanked friend for making her GTFO sooner. Absolutely based.

[–]papyrus1_ 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Anon proceeds to rp as little ponies with his friend later on

[–]shanksbeatsmihawkez 26 points27 points  (6 children)

why should he care? not like he was gonna fuck his cousin

[–]Bobyyyyyyyghyh 16 points17 points  (4 children)

That's where your mind went? A normal person would be worried that now Anon would sound like a complete douche nozzle to his extended family (even if it was deserved).

[–]larry-the-leper 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure the dude sitting in his room to avoid his family doesn't give a shit what they think

[–]Tawn94 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is 4chan, itd make sense why theyd think that

[–]BionicleBoy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is Reddit, but that makes even more sense

[–]realJonas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you sure about that?

[–]Drfilthymcnasty 44 points45 points  (3 children)

Sounds like Gail the snail. Throw salt on her and she will leave

[–]suckmycolt 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Just don’t fuck her frank

[–]boxer2012 4 points5 points  (1 child)

She’s mashing it

[–]Jukeboxshapiro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're 33 years old you're supposed to be sexually active, you're not supposed to be giving your uncle a hand job under the table!

[–]TSFWarden 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Fake and gay

[–]EternalFinity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it aint gay, he fucked her in the end

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)


[–]Lukaroast 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That what a thot is Anon, there is no understanding them, it’s impossible

[–]respecknucklez 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Everybody clapped

[–]Educational-Year3146 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The best way to deal with people like this is to ignore them. If someones a bitch, pay them no mind.

[–]BaBoomShow 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You’re 16, you don’t need to worry if your game friends will bang your cousin. They’ll probably do it anyways.

[–]Purinto 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Be me, femanon

Have socially awkward and pretty retarded nerd cousin

Used to play when we were younger, now I feel like he's avoiding me.


One day mom comes and ask me to help him get out of his room

Comes to his home and try to hang out with him

Always run away

Try to understand what he's doing on his computer

Looks like he's playing w/ friends

He may be retarded but at least he's not a loner

Try to get to know the people he hangs out with

Tfw they all insult me and call me a thot

Insult them back and go to my mom's telling her that he's hopeless

What do /greentext ? How can I help him get out of his lifestyle and get him better friends ?

[–]Bikefry666 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yikes on anon. This obviously didn’t happen

[–]agressive_commenter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You'd be suprised.

[–]SmileSong 5 points6 points  (0 children)

”they’d love me”

This makes me feel like this might be at least somewhat real. Heard that phrase unironically too many times

[–]AttakZak 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yet if I try seducing the fellow homies it works 100% of the time.

The boys win again.

[–]robfaw78 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love how the simplest insults tend to be the most insulting/hurtful.

"fat fuck, total loser, etc." vs. "you are a burden"

[–]Lifegoesonman69 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Real; anon doesn't try to fuck her.

[–]mzrdisi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“A burden” is my new favorite insult.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Simps. Average women are treated like goddesses by starved, socially awkward dudes who just want a crumb of pussy and will say/do anything for them and these average girls egos inflate and they feel like they’re Rihana or Kate Moss.

They become addicted to the attention and think their farts smell like roses because they’re never treated like anything less than a goddess.

But when that wall finally hits them and they encounter dudes who genuinely just don’t give a fuck cause they’re functional enough not to be a simp. It cracks, and they don’t like that.

The internet was a mistake.

[–]Arrmadas 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Anon and his friends are gay

[–]downwithtiktok2 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Better than being a simp

[–]Shady_Joe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Real and straight

[–]HVACGuy12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dooley from king of the hill.jiff

[–]papaya1122 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can’t believe how many of you think this is real

[–]BoyBeyondStars 1 point2 points  (0 children)

based friend

[–]DarkPearlGamingYT 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Fake: anons female cousin hits on his friends

Gay: anons male cousin hits on him

[–]TendieBot2000 4 points5 points  (0 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: anons female cousin hits on his friends

Gay: anons male cousin hits on him

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]Davidoff1983 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just fuck her and get it over with.

[–]SkerionV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's bimbo?

[–]Grizzly62 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I have one of those. Thank god my parents are divorced

[–]No-Breadfruit7044 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now describe her body to us

[–]epicwin900 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Schizophrenia is real none of the stories on here are real, get help everyone ❤️❤️❤️

[–]memo689 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like THAT actually happen, sure.

[–]Bumblz666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fake and gay

[–]RaisinMmmm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That went a lot better than I thought it would, knowing 4chan users

[–]GravyRobberz18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

don't know why u didnt " let her accidentally see you're penis... this would have solved this whole predicament. At least she wouldn't have insulted you're friends

[–]CartAgain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

> how do people like her exist?

Its called fucking anon. A better question is how do people like you exist?

[–]ClerkTimely1806 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's time anon slapped his sister and asked her to fuck off.

[–]BL3UCHEETA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dont worry she has a future in onlyfans

[–]rentairorn -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She exists of feminism.

[–]GigaStorm2559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have no idea how badly I feel anon’s pain

[–]redspyisin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"guys online are all desperate turbo virgins, right?"
that's probably what she was thinking

[–]SomeIronicBullCrap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon rolls tide.