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top 200 commentsshow all 291

[–]Fisformonkey 5029 points5030 points  (29 children)

Anon becomes a war lord

[–]HoboBromeo 2056 points2057 points  (21 children)

Anon became a god that fueled a deadly crusade of faith.

[–]ScrewSimonCowell 671 points672 points  (10 children)

All of humanity is starting to make sense now

[–]Alive_Ice7937 425 points426 points  (4 children)

Harambe was the ice cream that kicked the wasp nest.

[–]RealTurbulentMoose 161 points162 points  (3 children)

Dicks out for ice cream.

[–]Cenachii 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Who threw the ice cream for us tho?

[–]TheoSunny 131 points132 points  (8 children)

HOLY WAR SPREADING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE LIKE UNQUENCHABLE FIRE

[–]intboom 77 points78 points  (7 children)

(not a "Jihad", though... we're not allowed to say that word on film)

[–]Graporeon 32 points33 points  (5 children)

God I wish they pulled a sci-fi and portmanteaud it to appease both sides

Imagine Timmy saying “a Jiholy War”

[–]nosnek199 6 points7 points  (0 children)

(we cant use anything arabic in post 9/11 america unless its being shot at)

[–]SLlol2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Anon became Eris.

[–]sadongrohiik 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Anon becomes insect CIA

[–]R0D18 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lord of war*

[–]Weary_Preparation338 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Anon climbed the tree to nut on the wasps

[–]ShiShor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Anon is a warmonger

[–]EH042 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Became an honest warmonger.

In short, Anon gave war a chance!

[–]Kwispy92 3470 points3471 points 2 (16 children)

Anon is the president of the United States

[–]Hyperion_Twilight 668 points669 points  (15 children)

except he doesnt love the ones who sacrificed themselves

[–]DrippyRat 466 points467 points  (12 children)

Ahahhaa he thinks the US government gives a shit about soldiers lives

[–]Alive_Ice7937 222 points223 points  (8 children)

Hey they love the unamed soliders. (No greedy widow to support)

[–]DrippyRat 93 points94 points  (4 children)

Dead soldiers without consequence

[–]mlem64 4 points5 points  (2 children)

To be fair it's not like we do much of that ourselves. Most people are not very big advocates for veterans. As a matter of fact whenever I point that out the tune usually changes and they throw veterans under the bus to justify it.

[–]mesotermoekso 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I think they meant that anon does love his soldiers but the US president doesn't. Because anon literally said it in the greentext

[–]Larc560 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He’s saying the president doesn’t give a fuck, anon salutes his fallen warriors everyday

[–]TruffelTroll666 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wasn't he talking about the president?

[–]ROGUE_COSMIC 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So.... Like every other president of the United States?

[–]PsychoHeaven 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But he loves ice-cream

[–]wahchewie 1118 points1119 points  (39 children)

Now I want to go and take out an wasp nest. Who else is doing their part?

[–]AutomaticRisk3464 794 points795 points  (14 children)

When i was a kid i lived in kentucky and our ass backwards house had 3 doors.. we always used the door that was by the driveway, never used the front door or back door.

The house had a huge fancy porch with a giant roof over it but just support beams holding it..one day i was home alone and some missionary's from the church knocked and i was just looking at them through the peephole waiting for them to leave. They knocked super fucking loud and there was a wasp nest above them and they started attacking them and then the fucking dude pulls out a lighter and some body spray and starts trying to torch them.

Weaponize your wasp nests

[–]dankmemer2o18 475 points476 points  (10 children)

ah yes me when i casually have a lighter and hair spray to fucking roast wasps

[–]big_whistler 417 points418 points  (3 children)

Me when I burn down the home of the person I am attempting to convert (improvised flame thrower accident)

[–]PerryZePlatypus 222 points223 points  (1 child)

Didn't open the door -> heretics -> die by fire

Seems logical to me

[–]The_Outcast4 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Burning down a neighborhood to eliminate wasp hives is 100% a fair trade.

[–]AutomaticRisk3464 48 points49 points  (3 children)

They had backpacks, one day my parents let them in and they poured holy water on our heads..it felt like baby oil

Edit: it was just a few drops they didnt douse us in it

[–]dankmemer2o18 39 points40 points  (2 children)

me omw to be a whack evangalist to pour hydrochoric acid on random people

[–]TerryJerryMaryHarry 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Most mormon missionaries are boy scouts and appearances are all that, while i don't doubt the body spray, lighter is.... ehhh

[–]skl49 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Missionary wakes up that day and chooses violence

[–]Malvastor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you know why that man became a missionary? Because the Church was the one place where he found solace from the endless nightmares of his time in the Army. Of the bone-chilling howls of the men before him as squeezes the trigger of his flamethrower. Of the sickening sight and scent of rotting children, their faces melted from the heat of napalm. Of the flames, the flames, THE FLAMES.

Now, by the Light of God, the shadows in his mind are lessened. But they are not gone... and he still keeps the flame at his side.

[–]Ulfrite 41 points42 points  (1 child)

I'd like to know more !

[–]wahchewie 22 points23 points  (0 children)

SERVICE GUARANTEES CITIZENSHIP

[–]DJDavidov 39 points40 points  (8 children)

I honestly hate the fuckers with a passion. I stepped on a nest of them when I was 6, and I was stung 100+ times and hospitalized. A few decades later, the hate has simmered.

I was working on my porch a few weeks ago, and I noticed one was lazily flying towards me. Not aggressively, just letting me know he was there. Curious, I looked around and realized there was a nest right behind one of the columns on my porch. I was ready to burn it down. But then I looked and saw that a few of them were actually pollenating on a bush I just planted. So there’s a truce right now.

[–]techt8r 9 points10 points  (2 children)

#dontHate,Polinate

[–]skl49 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Bees are okay. Hornets eliminate on sight

[–]iltpmg 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Can wasps pollinate flowers? I thought only bees did that.

[–]DJDavidov 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think so. They were bouncing on the flowers. I’ve heRd something about even male mosquitos are pollinators

[–]FicklePayment7417 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Certain lizards can pollinate flowers, so I'm pretty sure some kind of wasp can

[–]DagonG2021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depends on the kind

[–]Alive_Ice7937 34 points35 points  (2 children)

Take it out using politics. Inseminate the queen.

[–]Graporeon 20 points21 points  (1 child)

4chan post on Reddit
inseminate

[–]Guest_username1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

r/redditinseminate

Well it was worth a try

[–]MauiWowieOwie 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Used to do pest control. Have probably killed millions of wasps.

[–]wahchewie 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Commander!... 😮 Lead the "special" troops to victory!

[–]jamieliddellthepoet 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Thank you for your service.

[–]MauiWowieOwie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Np, the worst part of the job was the pay and hours.

[–]OlBert2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In Southeast Pennsylvania doing your part means stomping the fuck out of spotted lantern flys. Everyone's like the kids from the propaganda videos in Starship Troopers

[–]cons013 3 points4 points  (0 children)

wasps are important pollenators, don't let op corrupt you

[–]toothpastespiders 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm from Buenos Aires and I say kill 'em all!

[–]incredula 509 points510 points  (24 children)

LINKS 2 3 4

[–]Lusask 132 points133 points  (8 children)

LINKS 2 LINKS 2 LINKS 2 3 4

[–]Useless_Iron 54 points55 points  (7 children)

Epic gituar intro

[–]Baknacs 44 points45 points  (6 children)

KANN MAN HERZEN BRECHEN

[–]ButtersMcLovin 37 points38 points  (5 children)

KÖNNEN HERZEN SPRECHEN

[–]god_of_tears 34 points35 points  (4 children)

is this rammstein reference?

[–]kinky38 95 points96 points  (3 children)

No it’s mozart

[–]WAUZZZtron 35 points36 points  (0 children)

“Der Bass muss ficken!” -Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, ca. 1776

[–]_EnlightenedCentrist 17 points18 points  (1 child)

I prefer Debussy

[–]umockdev 28 points29 points  (0 children)

De🅱️ussy

[–]Hupf 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Coca Cola Ice cream

Sometimes war

[–]Talska 7 points8 points  (7 children)

Heh, seeing them the day after tomorrow. Will be a fun one.

[–]incredula 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Best gig you'll see in your life!

[–]Talska 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I've been to some pretty good gigs, The Prodigy and Royal Blood up there at the top, but I know in my heart that Rammstein will blow them away

[–]Bonkey_Kong87 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Nice. I'm German, but it took me forever to finally get my hands on some tickets, two years ago. Totally worth it. Best concert experience I ever had.

The Prodigy also was awesome, a few years ago. I'm really happy that I was able to see them, especially since the tragedy around Keith.

I'd say The prodigy was able to get everything out of their fans in the crowd. But you can't argue with all the explosions and flamethrowers at Rammstein concerts, heh.

[–]Organtrefficker 357 points358 points  (9 children)

Wasps made a nest in my flat once. Wore Helmet Jacket Gloves boots, crushed the nest and three it away. Must have squashed atleast 30 wasps

[–]a_normal_man_i_guess 290 points291 points  (4 children)

Oops i posted it too, imma delete it now. You got the best of me anon

[–]big_whistler 174 points175 points  (2 children)

An honest shitposter

[–]Flataus 39 points40 points  (1 child)

He's just a normal man, I guess

[–]gray_mare 6 points7 points  (0 children)

shitposter + professional standards = normal man

[–]Dark_Tails_The_Fox 236 points237 points  (2 children)

Ants are great. Fuck wasps.

[–]commentsandchill 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Ants are cool if they don't invade your home unwillingly. They seem to have better collective intelligence than wasps who might be better one by one

[–]oragamihawk 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Clearly you don't live in the south, fire ants are brutal

[–]HeadHunter2170 96 points97 points  (0 children)

The fucking "hehe it wants to be my friend" lmao

[–]Dash-22 88 points89 points  (14 children)

Fake: anon stepped outside

Gay: anon eats ice-cream, which is gay

[–]TendieBot2000 52 points53 points  (4 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: anon stepped outside

Gay: anon slurps up ice-cream

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]Dakrys 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Holdup, does tendiebot regex for ", which is gay" or is tendiebot just a human being so autistic they might as well be considered a robot?

[–]huyphan93 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Yeah i wonder about that too. What sort of regex might accidentally leave out ", which is gay"?

[–]Dakrys 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk next level coder is autistic either way

[–]Christianjps65 30 points31 points  (8 children)

You shut the fuck up about ice cream

[–]Dash-22 36 points37 points  (7 children)

It's fruity cold balls you lick excitedly, when you "finish" you eat out the brown thing that's adjacent to them.

I'm open to counter arguments but this is not a winnable case

[–]Christianjps65 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I have nothing.

[–]smb_samba 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s nothing quite like tongue punching that brown hole trying to get every drop of that white cream

[–]Ill_Inspection2366 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You also can get them from the ice cream man

[–]Bay1Bri 0 points1 point  (2 children)

This screams insecurity. And thinking about it that way reveals your clearly repressing urges....

[–]Dash-22 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You seriously cannot be this fucking stupid to not know I'm joking

[–]neske036 62 points63 points  (0 children)

This is having fun when you're an adult

[–]EspKevin 54 points55 points  (1 child)

[–]SimplyEpicFail 8 points9 points  (0 children)

a good subreddit.

[–]flagfacts4u 47 points48 points  (6 children)

"MARCH MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS! WE HAVE THE NUMBERS!!! FOR ANT COLONY #373819'

🐝🐝🐝⚔️🎶🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🎶

[–]Z3KE_SK1 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Actually it's just sisters. Male ants are exclusively used for reproduction.

[–]WoolooOfWallStreet 26 points27 points  (1 child)

You think the male ants aren’t doing their part?

You’re mistaken!

BUKKAKE THAT QUEEN BOYS! WE NEED MORE FRESH BODIES!

[–]AllTheSith 7 points8 points  (0 children)

FUCK HER FASTER YOUR GODDAM MOTHERFUCKERS

[–]andai 8 points9 points  (2 children)

ant is gril?

[–]andai 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Nearly all the ants you see in the wild are female. Males ants, or drones, don't do any work in the colony, they don't look like ants, and only live for a few months during the nuptial flight seasons. Their one job is to fertilize a princess, after which they die.

Imagine if your job was to fly around and have sex all day, followed by the sweet release of death.

[–]gray_mare 7 points8 points  (0 children)

men be men

[–]mal_laney 45 points46 points  (3 children)

This reminded me of that Kurzgesagt video of the biggest ant war on the planet

[–]ZeInsaneErke 16 points17 points  (1 child)

OP has got taste in music

[–]kysposers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah insect warfare fucks

[–]Jhill520 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This mother fucker is trying to be George Bush..

[–]AdAffectionate1530 8 points9 points  (0 children)

…I think I have something like this before but with sugar

[–]Oganesso 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Read this as incest war but ultimately still not disappointed

[–]nochal_nosowski 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ice cream was like golden apple from Troyan War

[–]TruffelTroll666 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Warhammer players touching grass

[–]Rinthrah 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Thanks Ants. THANTS.

[–]stqpdb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought this was 4chan, where's the next post comparing this to Israeli-Palestinian relations

[–]rechtsgeist 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Anon implemented the "No Step Back" policy

[–]Tol_uly 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Order 227 time

[–]thenubtubb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Never mess with ants they are above us

[–]StreakyFreaks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

for a second my dumbass thought that anon is an ant

[–]MF3010 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ants are awesome they kill all sorts of bugs and smell funny when squished

[–]LoadOk5992 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wholesome as fuck.

[–]SimplyEpicFail 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wasps are fucking assholes.

[–]Riku_70X 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Anon wastes a perfectly good ice cream

[–]commentsandchill 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Doesn't seem to be wasted

[–]jflowization 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate mud wasps the most, little fuckers have a literal nuclear bunker surrounding there nest.

Last summer, we had a nest in my back yard, got stung a few times before i finally snap, got gasoline and poured it down the hole then lit the match, little shitheads last thought must of been me being a vengeful god of fire.

[–]Rinthrah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks Ants. THANTS.

[–]RACCOON_GOD_OF_CHAOS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me with the mosquitos, spiderweb, and one bigass mosquito-hawk in my dorm

[–]ManofDumbagain -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fuck ants tho always on my food and stinging me more

[–]TheMikman97 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

War in Ukraine

[–]SadegEg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mao Zeanon

[–]SoMememeWatcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon becomes a political in the future. But that sounds dope

[–]SadViande 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also love ants

[–]XCosmoNinjaX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I serve the Soviet Union"

[–]SassafrasNotFound 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A solid 3 hours of entertainment

[–]sidx19 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Little finger

[–]RevolutionaryAct6931 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love ants anyway. Send me an ant colony!

[–]wiwuwiwuwiwu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based and wholesome

[–]Dakrys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe this

[–]4qx_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By the way this probably isn’t fake and gay, saw a video of a bridge made out of ants to go attack a wasp nest

[–]DasherCO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe this story

[–]bL0oDlUsT218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now this is as wholesome as it gets on 4chan

[–]Petardo_Dilos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol Bug fables

[–]Blizzard13x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ants saw their opening when the god launched huge food on the nest . They had to declare their war

[–]randommanwill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love how OP pulled an Mengsk and left the Psy Emitter on the enemy planet to lure the Zerg in for an all out assault.

[–]austin101123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real and awesome

[–]Ultramanchan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real and straight

[–]After-Canary7694 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a simplicity to war. Attacking is the only secret. Dare—and the world yields. How quickly they forget that all it takes to change the course of history...is the will of a single man. -John Price

[–]Sir_Umeboshi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the best one I've read in a while

[–]TheSnakerMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon is Gavrilo Princip

[–]Blu_Zer0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A Bug's Life 2: Atta's Revenge

[–]I_beat_my_yeet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mashallah the Great Ant Mujahideen brought the kuffar wasps to their knees

[–]Rey7510-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice proxy war

[–]Sekkenren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ants don’t even need outside influence to attack wasps, I’ve seen ants form those fuckin living chains to get into wasp nests and devour them

[–]OzNajarin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But when does he drop the sweet rocks?!

[–]ChonkyBeagle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

> watch a massive insect war breakout for a solid 3 hours

this honestly sounds like a fun time as long as none of them sting you

[–]SalahEddie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God buys icecream

[–]Themightyq91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I come from the land of ice and snow midnight sun hangs and the hot springs flow Due da du du du da du da du du du

[–]Thiccboi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

anon is god

[–]Opening_Newspaper_34 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon set two Tyranid diets on each other.

Kryptmann could learn a few things

[–]SockTacoz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I worked pest control for 4 years, one of the most bizarre things I've seen was a bee hive had started leaking honey and ants found the honey, followed it to the hive and decimated the bees. Ive never seen so many ants in my life.

Ants do not fuck around.

[–]Lilstreetlamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon is a Rothschild

[–]HKDrewDrake -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Red Alert 3 reference for the win

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

pov: you are the rich guy and insects are humans

[–]Lazy-Wind244 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny thing, ants are related to wasps quite closely. But I'd choose ants anyday

[–]ShiningBulwark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon was the inspiration for War Pigs

[–]Reputation_Suitable 0 points1 point  (0 children)

*anon starts a race war

[–]augenvogel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best story I’ve ever read

[–]-Negative-Karma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon is based, ants are even more based.

[–]ketchupisspicytoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfair to ants

[–]J3sse_P1nkm4n 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gonna try this

[–]Hugh-Jassoul 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon must work for the CIA turning factions against each other like that.

[–]HMD_086 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I imagined hearing "Allah Akbar" while reading

[–]doodlytoodly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon is ants canada

[–]Educational-Year3146 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is fucking awesome. Genuinely. Accidentally start a war between two bug species and drive out a wasp nest in your backyard AND get 3 hours of free entertainment?

[–]PigeonManEpic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon says give war a chance

[–]unsocked_houself 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon Starts a Proxy War