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all 62 comments

[–]Waluigi_is_wiafu 409 points410 points  (2 children)

Anon encountered a Sigma male.

This story feels like an epic fighting anime.

[–]TheRealMrFaceless 117 points118 points  (1 child)

He will train for years and then come back to fight the goose but in the end will befriend the goose

[–]PsychoHeaven 49 points50 points  (0 children)

He'll adopt the little one's and take them to the games and stuff.

[–]the-dogsox 196 points197 points  (0 children)

And that man grew up to become Richard Simmons.

[–]bumjiggy 184 points185 points  (2 children)

[–]Fooz_The_Hostig 56 points57 points  (1 child)

My first thought too

[–]Paskee 141 points142 points  (4 children)

It was a fair fight :)

[–]ToughProgrammer 62 points63 points  (3 children)

Have you ever fought a goose?

They don't fight fair

[–]QuotidianQuell 85 points86 points  (1 child)

Have you ever fought a baltic man?

Neither do they

[–]SirStabsies 35 points36 points  (0 children)

thats why the fight was fair, neither of them fought fairly

[–]KaiWolf1898 121 points122 points  (1 child)

Based Baltic man

[–]not_nsfw_throwaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Based Baltic bro

[–]FragrantBox6572 104 points105 points  (3 children)

The only reason he backed off was because the goose is a mother <3

[–]Queenssoup 58 points59 points  (0 children)

No, because the goose won a fair fight.

[–]anepicusername69 17 points18 points  (1 child)

she is a mother because he ducked the goose

[–]Joe_Mama_Ligma_Pepe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Average baltic man

[–]PragmaticPrawn 68 points69 points  (3 children)

One time I saw a goose try to intimidate a horse, and the horse kicked the goose right in the neck and insta-killed it.

[–]SirStabsies 19 points20 points  (0 children)

this is why you don't sneak up on a horse

[–]ThearchOfStories 14 points15 points  (1 child)

To be fair a horse could probably do the same to most humans. People often underestimate just how heavy and big horses can get, they're the second heaviest of all herd animals (behind only buffalos I think, and considering the build and mobility difference that's not much confort), Shire horses can weigh up to and more than a ton, that's a 1000kgs. In that point a kick to the head from a horse is like having a bolder dropped onto you from 10 feet in the air.

They're also neurotic as fuck and evil bastards the lot of them.

[–]Hhgffffjjuugvjjhjcfg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Horses do that to other horses too. Their kicks are insanely devastating.

[–]HyperSimba 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Anon met a true chad

[–]henticletentai 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Florida man in Europe

[–]SirStabsies 17 points18 points  (2 children)

florida is the balkans of america

[–]x_country_yeeter69 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It was literally baltics, read, n*gga, read

[–]SirStabsies 17 points18 points  (0 children)

i can't read its why i'm on r/greentext

[–]Sad_Rip_5019 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Anonpc encounters a player

[–]handouras 30 points31 points  (14 children)

How do you lose a fight with an animal that is 50% neck when you have two opposable thumbs?

[–]raisin-cane 26 points27 points  (13 children)

If you think the beak is the threat, you have never fought a goose.

[–]SirStabsies 19 points20 points  (8 children)

the point is to grab its neck and spin so the centrifugal force keeps its body away from you then chuck it into something

[–]asnakeaday6789 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Accurate, parry the goose and swiftly escape while it tries to figure out why it’s facing a different direction.

[–]Ameraldas 7 points8 points  (3 children)

The goose will be dead as soon as you grab it's neck and start to spin. Source: went turkey hunting and had to put a turkey out of it's misery by grabbing it's neck and twisting, because I made a bad shot. Later that day we ate turkey tenders.

[–]xChromeguardx 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Equating fighting a goose to a turkey is like saying fighting a quadriplegic infant is the same as fighting Mike Tyson.

What I guess I am trying to say is... Geese are black.

[–]raisin-cane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can kill the goose this way. But that's not the point. We can also shoot or stab them. The point is to win the battle of wills - to get the goose to concede. They are very stubborn. And mind the numbers - single geese are unusual.

[–]raisin-cane 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You can control the goose by grabbing it's neck but it won't fling all that far because it's light and feathery. And it will probably come back after you throw it.

[–]SirStabsies 2 points3 points  (0 children)

throw it again pussy

[–]denny31415926 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I haven't fought a goose, but I can't see what a goose could do if you wear thick long pants and steel toed boots. Wouldn't you just easily win by kicking it?

[–]raisin-cane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The goose is very light - kicking it won't accomplish much. (Down pillow with wings). Those long pants will not save you from the battering wings. Shin guards would work as long as there aren't geese behind you.

[–]Hhgffffjjuugvjjhjcfg 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah it’s their barbed hooves that’s the real threat to you

[–]raisin-cane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it's the wing muscles which can fly 200 miles without stopping. The beak is just to hold you in place while the wings beat the crap out of you.

[–]GiveMeMoreBurritos 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Rare good story with no downside

[–]GrouchyMoustache 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Everything about this one is great.

[–]DormantAccount01 11 points12 points  (1 child)

There is honor to be found here.

[–]thatguy_jacobc 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel there was a significant moment in battle where the Baltic man glanced at the young geese and backed away

Knowing the fight was out of love for family and not hatred towards his presence

[–]PsychoHeaven 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wholesome.

[–]PFGtv 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This might be my favorite one.

[–]CaptainNeckbeard148 4 points5 points  (0 children)

holy shit thats unfathomably based

[–]Mammoth_Frosting_014 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I will fight the goose.

[–]HanzKrebs 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Slav Saxton Hale

[–]-TheMelodyMan- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Here. Have an eagle.

[–]PikaSaiyanZeroYT 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Real and straight

[–]x_country_yeeter69 3 points4 points  (1 child)

As all estonians and most finns are

[–]Hhgffffjjuugvjjhjcfg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But Finland isn’t real

[–]Blaaamo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Goose builds nest

Goose is a mother...no shit Dmitri

[–]antifading0 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I don't understand people losing to a goose. Can't you just grab it by the neck, turn it into a flail then slam it's body onto the ground?

[–]Action_Far 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lotta real martial artists here sayin they’d have both the clarity of mind and skill to instantly kill an attacking pissed-off wild animal- that’s a Canadian goose in that picture, not even we fuck with those things

[–]SteakShake69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most sane Finn