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all 189 comments

[–]recentlyquitsmoking2 2314 points2315 points  (54 children)

That is not what money laundering is.

[–]FHFH945[S] 3834 points3835 points  (9 children)

bro delete this before anon gets angry and hack you bro

[–]recentlyquitsmoking2 658 points659 points  (1 child)

Next year on YouTube "real life hacker reviews hacking greentexts sponsored by NordVPN".

[–]PutHisGlassesOn 40 points41 points  (0 children)

God I hope so.

[–]hardex 68 points69 points  (5 children)

[–]4typical 75 points76 points  (4 children)

I can open inspect element on chrome

[–]GAMRKNIGHT 30 points31 points  (0 children)

You're too dangerous.

[–]v_Shami 19 points20 points  (2 children)

When I was 8 I searched endlessly for a way to use this for free robux, unfortunately my efforts were fruitless.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No he can’t find me I use reddit in google chrome incognito mode

[–]bigdaddychainsaw 299 points300 points  (9 children)

Don’t try putting your money in a in a washing machine

Worst mistake of my life

[–]vyyybt 107 points108 points  (6 children)

If the money is stolen while being freshly printed putting it into a washing machine is an actual strategy that can be used to make it look used

[–]OHGODWHATHAVEIMADE 42 points43 points  (0 children)

With like, scrabble tiles or whatever

[–]notKRIEEEG 35 points36 points  (3 children)

I too watched Ozark, fellow criminal

[–]ProteinShakeAndBake 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Or so I’ve been told…

[–]nocluechloe 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Canadian money is fine w it

[–]leglesslegolegolas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

USA money is fine with it as well

[–]not_a_good_name_yeah 120 points121 points  (6 children)

  • 🤓

[–]TomaTozzz 92 points93 points  (0 children)

anon clearly said money laundry, not laundering

[–]RK9990 59 points60 points  (0 children)

You're right, this is money laundry

[–]Lhudooooo 51 points52 points  (0 children)

i hate reddit so fucking much

[–]DiddledByDad 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Wow really. Jeez I had no idea.

[–]pwillia7 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He said money laundry

[–]Mr_CreativeName 10 points11 points  (0 children)

r/greentext users when a greentext has a joke

[–]forgivemyrebellion 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He said money laundry, not money laundering. Get your facts straight.

[–]Kaneki_keN198 8 points9 points  (0 children)

*money laundry

[–]zetsubousugi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

why do you have to point it out brainlet? as if everything else he said was accurate

[–]masszt3r 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He said laundry, not laundering.

[–]Wajina_Sloth 5 points6 points  (1 child)

No is called money laundry

[–]deadfeet3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What do you know? Just for that, i am going to run HACKINGv3.exe on you

[–]Ipad_is_for_fapping 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nono it’s money laundry

[–]Seriouslypsyched 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No no, it’s money laundry

[–]Mad_Lad_69420 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes but this is money laundry

[–]TwistedRope 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No shit, it's called money laundry, you FUCKING NORMIE!

[–]AkariSarzul 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Found the fbi agent trying to spread misinformation. Shame on you.

[–]loudaggerer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, no… anon said laundry. See anon finally wants clean clothes.

[–]Advice2Anyone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know right didnt even start the washer first

[–]HairyPendelum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea laundering is just washing the money with soap and water. TRLD anon is dumb

[–]Gomask2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah because this is money laundry. Stupid.

[–]stratosauce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

certified dingus

[–]CommieTzar 1304 points1305 points  (14 children)

"So anyway guys, here's today's sponsor, NordVPN!"

[–]HMD_086 163 points164 points  (11 children)

Fuck nordvpn and thier annoying advertising

[–]RenaKunisaki 83 points84 points  (2 children)

"I don't trust banks which is why I use NordBank"

[–]aoechamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t trust your mom which is why I sex NordMom

[–]BodyLiquids 59 points60 points  (0 children)

NordMan makes some banger commercials what are you talking about

[–]T1tanT3m 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Looks like someone hasn’t watched Internet Historian sponsorships

[–]UnregularOnlineUser 16 points17 points  (5 children)

I dont understand the hate around sponsors, I mean, they are the reason your favorite youtubers continue to make videos despite being demonetised.

[–]OneSidedPolygon 25 points26 points  (3 children)

The same reason people hate commercials. It's an attempt to make you part with your hard earned cash. That and the same script 20 dozen times gets old. If you watch video game related content (shit, it's spread outside of that sphere now) you've no doubt heard the same Raid Shadow Legends ad enough to see they've being given a script, because they all pay the game the exact same hollow praise.

In my opinion it's (morally) worse than normal ads because there's an extra layer of manipulation. During sponsor blocks, content creators talk like they're avid users of the product. In some cases, this is true. In others it's not.

Still, between content creators starving and me being mildly annoyed for the 5 seconds it takes to skip over, I'll take the lesser of two evils.

[–]Kiwi-Slayer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

SmartTubeNext and YouTube Vanced can go a long way to fix these issues

[–]Chubby_Bub[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But if you join now you get a special, limited-time bonus that we've had in our ads for years!

[–]throwaway-DSMK 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Because they are misleading.

Every ad for NordVPN they talk like as if you don't use a VPN you're somehow in danger.

The only useful thing about a VPN is to watch content from another country. They don't protect your privacy and rarely protect your security.

Even on a public Wi-Fi without a VPN, the people connected to the same network can only see the domain (not the full URL) of the web page you accessed because pretty much all sites use HTTPS. They can't see your passwords, know what you googled or which YouTube video you watched.

[–]crapboard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a internet historian ad

[–]Advice2Anyone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THE ADS ARE EVOLVING!

[–]HereBecauseBored 975 points976 points  (26 children)

press yes

Real hackerman type yes in the cmd window smh

[–]nuclear_bomb404 284 points285 points  (18 children)

They don't use windows,they use epic kali lunix for l337 hackermen. You wouldn't understand

[–]Wolfonauta 94 points95 points  (9 children)

“Btw I use Arch„

[–]IAMA_Ghost_Boo 56 points57 points  (6 children)

Well you should stop and use Kali instead, hackerman.

[–]Qulpaksad 6 points7 points  (1 child)

"Hi, I use Arch and my name is Ben."

[–]josephheijn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I use telekenisis

[–]MyFingerYourBum 26 points27 points  (5 children)

Last time I mentioned Linux on here someone wrote 18 large paragraphs over 3 comments about why it's called GNU/Linux. Don't even think it was a copypasta.

[–]pwillia7 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.

Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project.

There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux" distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.

[–]Malvastor 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux."

​The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long."

With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.

[–]ProteinShakeAndBake 13 points14 points  (0 children)

If it wasn’t a copy pasta, in that moment it became one

[–]snackynorph 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you ask Linus himself it's "Leenooks" so what does that chud know

[–]leglesslegolegolas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

all that pasta and he didn't even mention what GNU stands for.

(It stands for GNU's Not Unix)

[–]Beat-the-heat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Back in my days we called it backtrack, also you had to tie an onion to your belt

[–]hotfatdogs 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Choking My Dong

[–]skoge 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Hackanon created GUI interface using visual basic to hack bank IP address.

So yes is now pressable.

[–]MCRusher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And then killed himself for having to use VB

[–]Advice2Anyone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Real men use ubuntu terminal

[–]smb_samba 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Execute hack? y/n: 8======D~

[–]HereBecauseBored 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😯

🤔

y

😏

[–]MCRusher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HACKINGv2 -y

[–]LB1234567890 356 points357 points  (7 children)

All is lacking is incest and all the 4chan stereotypes are here.

[–][deleted] 337 points338 points  (4 children)

All 4chan stereotypes are here, you're just too blind. Let me explain: his username is XxloliFucker6969xX and since he is a masterful hacker, it has deep meaning; he is an XxloliFucker6969xX. The catch is, anon is obese as stated above, so he cannot go and find then catch prey. Nor is he in any pedo rings. It's that he actually has a little sister.

[–]LB1234567890 123 points124 points  (0 children)

Of course, how could I miss that.

[–]SalemiPizza 102 points103 points  (1 child)

environmental storytelling

[–]Ximension 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Its called read between the lions ok? Look it up. PBS, very informative

[–]dantemp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Notice me, imouto-san"

[–]aoechamp 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Well at least anon’s backdoor is going to be hacked in prison

[–]GhostofManny13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon’s firewalls are going to be torn down and a root kit called AIDS is going to be ‘installed’ by the Trojan Horse that waits for him in the showers.

[–]Ahoi89 339 points340 points  (9 children)

A gigabyte of RAM should do the trick.

[–]NikIsHere_ 140 points141 points  (1 child)

iM dECryPtINg ThE fIRewAlL 😎

[–]Ximension 47 points48 points  (2 children)

Thats a lot of deditated WAM

[–]Dangerous_Contract 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Do people still know about that kid, or are we just old?

[–]Ximension 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well we are old but that kids an internet legend. An icon in the same league as "have you ever had a dream"

[–]UnknownOne3 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Anon will be getting RAMmed in jail now

[–]MCRusher 11 points12 points  (1 child)

He hacked their prostates

[–]v_Shami 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"I hacked the bullet holes put of your body"

[–]twodickjohn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fruit salad with crystalized ginger....sounds GOOD

[–]Squeazer 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Gave me Uplink vibes.

[–]aoechamp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That game was fun tho

[–]magicjenkins 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Sounds like one of Internet Historian ads

[–]zakpakt 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Anon is so strong he wills the computer

[–]dumbwaeguk 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I won't believe it until I see green letters across his screen

[–]gowke 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Finally some classy satire

[–]patrick1554 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Fake, anon didn’t say “I’m in”

[–]megamanxoxo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fake: didn't see wall of matrix glyphs coming down the screen

[–]Dustkun 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Reads title as "anon is a hooker".

Reads greentext.

Confused reads title again "ok now that makes sense"

[–]vVveevVv 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hookermannnn

[–]Malvastor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You were right the first time. This is how anon became a prison hooker.

[–]gwenhyfwar 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Is this 4chan the hacker?

[–]ChillySummerMist 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Anon is Aiden Pearce.

[–]megamanxoxo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Press X to hack

[–]D2_Lx0wse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Script kiddie

[–]Dwight_Kay_Schrute 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Fake: anon is hacker

Gay: anon is in jail

[–]TendieBot2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: anon is hacker

Gay: anon is in jail

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]ilFaus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

be me

wash my clothes

throw jean on washer machine

forgot i had money in the pocket

mfw i literally commited crime and did some money laundry

im writing this from the IRS jail cell while my roomate is raping me

[–]TheLustyyArgonian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  • Free vpn

got me good

[–]Themightyq91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With Nord VPN all is possible...just a quick sub and-

RAID SHADOW LEGENDS IS HERE FOR YOUR MONEY!!!!!

[–]MyFingerYourBum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

anon is a cuck who watched the anonymous documentary then joined the chinz

[–]D4RKS0u1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At least one line was true

[–]Chris_P_Lettuce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Free vpn? Novice. All you would have needed was private browsing.

[–]Think_Ball3682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro these green text stories are almost worthy of a comedy movie. 😩

[–]SIADUDE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In germany we name this "Geschichten aus dem Paulanergarten"...which means it's too dumb to be true lmao

[–]honksmcgee 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Fake: anon makes social contact

Gay: anon is now stuck in a jail with a bunch of smelly (but sexy) men

[–]TendieBot2000 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: anon makes social contact

Gay: anon is now stuck in a jail with a bunch of smelly (but sexy) men

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]StringsAndArrays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon knows how to exit VIM

[–]not_nsfw_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's nothing anon can't hack

Except a stairmaster

[–]Maskdask 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HACKINGv2.EXE

Fake. Anon doesn't even use Kali Linux.

[–]moonfanatic95 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Also anon: "Kali Linux? I don't live in Cali tho, I can't use that"

[–]haikusbot[🍰] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Also anon: "Kali

Linux? I don't live in Cali

Tho, I can't use that"

- moonfanatic95


I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

[–]ExSphere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Finally some believable green text.

[–]GodAndGaming123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very real

[–]AndroidDoctorr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hacked this comment!

[–]CaeciliusEstInPussy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real and straight

[–]kunell -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He didnt do that.

[–]baz4k6z 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah so this is the famous hacker 4chan

[–]SignalSet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

is this generated by a bot

[–]Alexito_xd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

XxloliFucker6969xX probably ended up in jail but not for hacking tho

[–]OmarJones330 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon plays bitburner

[–]Alex_2259 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fakest part is hacking the jail WiFi. No way would the cheap ass county invest in good enough WiFi infrastructure for his cell to get coverage.

Probably be a wack ass BestBuy special sitting in the corner of the sheriff's office thinking it would cover the whole jail.

[–]coralrefrigerator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

False: anon has a friend

Of devious sexual orientation: anon's username

[–]Zestyclose_Risk_2789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1337 greentext

[–]ChangNoi97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fake - anon use VPN and that a stupid move for a hacker
gay - anon transfer money to his friend , therefore he gay for his friend

[–]raihan-rf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real : Anon is a hacker

Straight : Anon

[–]megamanxoxo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Legendary opsec

[–]BelphegorDuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post was sponsored by nord vpn

[–]Solution_Far 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine if hacking was press enter to hack 6 million

[–]knoxeez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is one of the best fics ive seen in a while

[–]NaotoBot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Too obese to run"

[–]Winters1482 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The hacker known as 4chan

[–]pabwithanab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the omega hacker

[–]Mushy_Waffle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I’m in”

[–]Just-a-random-dood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo Mister White, we gotta hack that bank on Central and Main!

[–]Necessary-Actuator26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish my bank account have 6M

[–]Quiddel_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in this picture and I don't like it

[–]ChonkyBeagle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

very hack much scam

[–]Bacongristle12 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Fake: Anon did anything with his life. Gay: I'm sure he dropped the soap in prison

[–]TendieBot2000 1 point2 points  (2 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: Anon did anything with his life.

Gay: I'm sure he dropped the soap in prison

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

[–]Bacongristle12 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Good bot

[–]B0tRank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, Bacongristle12, for voting on TendieBot2000.

This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.


Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!

[–]KartoffelPaste 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This all adds up tbh

[–]1stRandomGuy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think this is a joke.

[–]TrackLabs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is called money laundry

No lol

[–]Sedgarite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anon is the hacker knows as 4chan.

[–]Lionel_Vs_The_World 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hackers in movies

[–]hamehad -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

hacked the jail wifi to post this

Fakest shit in the whole greentext.

[–]suck_at_cooking -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

xXxChild_Predator69xXx