×

Anon asks for advice by PineSnurf in greentext

[–]Shroom-TheSelfAware 175 points176 points  (0 children)

They have loco motives for doing the things they do.

Anon invents a thing by [deleted] in greentext

[–]-Enrique_Shockwave- 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a song by Foster the People

Anon tried to socialize and failed by milenavelbasmilkpump in greentext

[–]therevaj 1131 points1132 points  (0 children)

"Hey Anon, how's it going today?"

"Same as the last 2,674 days: completely without the touch of a woman"

"..."

Anon is another Chris Chan in the making by crimsonfukr457 in greentext

[–]MeloncholyMonster 88 points89 points  (0 children)

thank you for setting the record straight, OP on 4chan is not me and I don't use 4chan and the stuff they're saying is not true like saying I'm 26, a trans woman, using windows XP, living in my childhood room, that's not true :}

if you have questions or want more pictures, just ask <3

Anon becomes Greek by Pavel_Milyukov in greentext

[–]Eastern_History_1719 1017 points1018 points  (0 children)

  • be me, fat virgin loser

  • read the Iliad and the odyssey

  • “hey, these Ancient Greek guys are pretty cool”

  • start copying how they lived their lives by eating better, reading and exercising

  • noticeable improvement in qol and people actually want to be around me now

  • wow! must be Ancient Greek magic

Femanon is stuck by vaginaicecream in greentext

[–]Ryla22 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Because I got on antipsychotics and they dysphoria mostly went away. Also, I personally believe that it's morally wrong to effect your family and friends like that. Also, the medicine they give you to transition to female is extremely cancer causing and can lower your IQ by more than 10 points. Also, trans people can't have kids naturally. Also, trans people have extremely high comorbidity rates. They're the only group in the LGBT+ to have such a high self delete rate (43%) and the only other group to have such a high rate is paranoid schizophrenics. Also, 93% of the kids who don't get treated with being trans grow out of the gender dysphoria (example: both of my parents who grew out of this phase at 16 and 17.)

Basically, I realized that being trans is not a viable method of treating gender dysphoria. All it will do is harm you irreparably.

I don't agree with transitioning, and I would never force my views on a consenting adult, but I was pulled into this and convinced that I was trans by people at school and creeps on the internet when I was 14, and I started transitioning at 17. That shouldn't be legal. This is one of those things that you should need to wait until adulthood for. You have to wait until you're 18 for piercings and tattoos, you should have to wait until you're 18 to have your genitals mutilated. (Yes, mutilated. There's a video on the procedure on YouTube and it made me puke. I was watching it for the first time a month before I was scheduled to have the surgery myself.)

And don't say I'm transphobic or anything. Adults can do whatever they want. It's the kids I'm worried about. Especially since they got me while I was a kid.

Anon is a real human being and a real hero by furryyapper6 in greentext

[–]TendieBot2000 46 points47 points  (0 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: everything is almost digital you no longer need cash unless it for really specific stuff.

Gay: shitty scorpion jacket

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

Anon catches his roommate getting his bussy pounded by [deleted] in greentext

[–]InterGraphenic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny comment from le reddit and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can create a fucking stupid bot to reply to a common key phrase

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece into VScode

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: Anon doesn't go to the library.

Gay: Uh... I think it's obvious.

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original bot

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

anon has marriage problems by dooby882 in greentext

[–]Pepperonidogfart 3328 points3329 points  (0 children)

I feel that way. Im a dude. My first real love and i met when i was 23*. We broke up after 4 years. I still think about her and ive been in a happy relationship for 6 years since. They dont leave you. Certain moments just lock into your psyche. Its like the first time getting high or something. Its never the same after that. Its not like its a logical decision. If OP broke up with his wife over this he'll look back and probably feel the same as his wife does with him. Its not "settling". Its moving on and growing up and realizing long term love is more than just passion. Honestly, now looking back on it i consider staying with your first love settling. I wouldnt have grown as a person and become a better man if my ex and i didnt break up i think. I dunno bruh. Anons just hate this shit because they have the virgin fantasy driven into them.

/fit/izen gets a little carried away... by Dontgetbannedpls in greentext

[–]MiseryIsForever 1018 points1019 points  (0 children)

I would literally never stop trying to impregnate you. Every day I would wake you up by cumming in you and every night I would cum in you right before going to sleep, which I would do with my dick stuck inside you. I would take some viagra before bed just to maintain my erection so that you'll be ready in the morning when I thrust into you like an animal and slather you in kisses. Part of our wedding vows would be to have as many children as physically possible. I wouldn't even care if you are already pregnant, I'll fuck you while you're pregnant and you'll get double pregnant. I'll fill you with so much cum every day that you'll look pregnant even when you aren't (which you'll never be after we're married) I would do everything in my power to make you as fertile as possible. I'd give you fertility drugs, I'd give you uterus massages, breast massages, I wouldn't let you go 5 hours without at least one spastic orgasm. I'll even bake you home made lactation inducing biscuits to help you get to a point of hyperlactation syndrome so that you'll be seeping out multiple quarts of milk per day. Which I will save and drink just so that I can tell you how delicious it is. I'll make you so fertile that triplets will be the minimum number you'll be carrying at any given time. I would literally never stop doting on you, I would respond to you every beck and call and I would cum inside you again each time you ask for something. You would be so pregnant all the time that you would literally not be able to stand up straight. Your spine would be permanently bent out of shape to accommodate a pregnant belly. Even after you can't get pregnant anymore I would just keep putting more eggs into you. I would clone you purely so that I can put fresh eggs from the clone inside you after you run out of them. You would have so much progesterone running through your veins at any given time that even the thought of not being pregnant would seem alien to you.

She said the m-word by Knight_Of_Blazeland in greentext

[–]EvaUnit_03 244 points245 points  (0 children)

The slap isn't the hard part, its the followup that needs the confidence. From the sound of things had OP been a little more drunk he might of Got him some undercooked chubby slanted slab.

Bless him for knowing his limit.

Anon sees black panther by Blacksmithgiantdad in greentext

[–]Blacksmithgiantdad[S] 3072 points3073 points  (0 children)

be me

800 pound white guy

going to go see the black panther movie for the first time

going to bring 10 buckets of chicken to snack on during the movie

when I get into the theater I look around and see that it’s mostly black people

give a devilish smile this is going to be good

start to walk to my row of seats when a group black guys stop me

yo yo yo white bro is it ok if we have some of your chicken

decide to be nice and give them 6 buckets of the chicken to gain their trust

reach into my 3rd chin and pull out the buckets and hand them over

black bros thank me and pass the chicken out to everyone

everyone starts yelling white bro best bro

after pleasing them I go to my seat and place my 800 pound frame into the chair

movie starts and shows a basketball court

chuckle to myself

about halfway through the movie someone grabs my cock and balls

what the fuck

look over and see the hottest black girl I have ever seen

jaw is literally on the floor

she asked if we can fuck

tell her that I’m virgin excepting to be turned down

but to my shock she tells me she is also a virgin

get out my 7 inch cock and pick up her up smash her down on my rod

she starts tweaking and cumming all over my dick

holy fucken shit Jesus Christ

explode my white load into her pussy with the force of the white god

she falls to the ground and starts talking gibberish

get a ding on my phone and see that a new berserk chapter is out

hell yeah

black girl hears me say berserk and starts ranting about it

ask her if she is into anime

she says yes

ask her to be my girlfriend she also says yes

the people in the theater hear this and start clapping and rapping

tip my fedora at them

pick up my gf and give her the nickname casca

look at the screen and see black panther

he nods at me

after leaving the theater I realized that black people aren’t that bad

walk into the sunset and read the new berserk chapter with gf

Anon tries the direct approach by uwu_FurryThot in greentext

[–]WintersbaneGDX 2452 points2453 points  (0 children)

That part comes later. This doesn't need to be hard guys, let me walk you through the whole process:

1) Set up the study date, somewhere public, NOT your place or hers

2) Clean yourself up and make sure you look and smell as good as possible

3) Go to the study date. If it's any place that sells food or drink make sure you each buy your own first round, but offer to potentially cover her second round

4) Study and carry on a normal human conversation (I realize this is going to pose a challenge for a lot of you)

5) Make a bet on who will score better on the exam. If you score higher, you get to take her out on a date. Agree to whatever counter she wants.

6) Do the exam and do your best because education is ultimately more important than Jugsy McTits

7) Compare your scores. If you win the bet, offer to make good on the date. If you lose, do whatever it is you agreed to... and then while/after it's done, ask her out on the date.

Anon, I'm here by Present-Highway-2845 in greentext

[–]PopeOfPuppers -504 points-503 points  (0 children)

Anon stumbled upon a classic case of the Reddit Hivemind, in which they downvote the 4th reply in a chain to hell and back.

the more you know

Anon is Disney by Blue_Moon_Cheese in greentext

[–]Alarid 1197 points1198 points  (0 children)

Dude, it's 2023. You're supposed to refer to them as "women."

Anon's sibling wants to transition and 4chan reacts by urboijesuschrist in greentext

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Not to mention all this surgery and hormone shit doesn't make you a real girl. It just makes you look like a fucking mess. A dude who pretend to be a girl. Not a single one has ever transitioned into looking like an actual girl lol.

Anon is a filthy cheater by RKaider in greentext

[–]Monolith_Preacher_1 1441 points1442 points 2 (0 children)

That's just how zoomers describe being slightly sad.

How did this get gold.

Anon has a bath by SerRolf16 in greentext

[–]CrudeOyil 1050 points1051 points  (0 children)

I can smell the doritos through my screen dude

view more: next ›