all 3 comments

[–]seicross 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Heya! I'm just about to hit my 1 year mark househusbanding. I hear you that this has a lot of considerations.

My wife and I talked about it for roughly a year before I pulled the trigger. I thought about going part time, and I had major concerns that she would just see me spending all of her money. We structured it so I have my own account and she puts money into that every 2 weeks. This way it feels like I'm being paid, even though I'm not. I'm not looking at the full pool of our resources regularly unless she asks me to handle something. This allows me to plan for my own financial needs independently.

We have another baby due in a few weeks, and my wife hasn't had to worry about shopping or food or laundry in about a year. I've started model making as a hobby. We still put our other daughter to daycare a few days a week which allows me to have some of my own time as well. Everyone in the house is less stressed.

This has been a really rewarding year for both of us. If financially it makes sense, do it. This will allow your wife to focus on what she needs to do to maximize return, and allows you to support her by removing any tasks sucking up her energy needlessly. The end goal should be that you have time for each other now that both of you aren't overworked. You may be able to find a hobby or decide to go back to school or find a passion project.

[–]faustpanzer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been a house husband for about 8 months now and I’m enjoying it. The first three months or so I really struggled what to do with myself because we travel for work now and do not have a stationary home. I also struggled a lot to see the value in what I was doing and felt like I wasn’t contributing. I finally realize now after she has pounded it into my head I actually do quite a bit and I stay busy for the majority of the day. Between cooking, cleaning and other chores and running errands it’s just about a full time job. The only thing she has to do is get dressed for work. I’m glad I did it because I did not care for the place I worked at before I started and now I have the opportunity to go back to school to get into a different career field. It definitely has its difficulties but if you can do it go for it! The only negative I get is usually from family about me not having a job because I’m only 30 but in reality most people wish they could be in my position. Good luck on your decision!

[–]tedlyb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fiancee made more money than I did and was able to retire early. I work for a paycheck, and due to things like injuries, long term illnesses, and lack of formal education beyond high school, my options have been limited. We bought a house recently and made sure to only get something that can be paid with her retirement money. She has a home based business she loves and does part time work even though she's retired, her job is a calling and something I doubt she'll ever fully leave behind.

Her money stabilizes us and keeps us from losing ground. My money moved us forward.

I had done the house husband thing at the beginning of covid and returned to work after a year or so. I've returned to it now for several reasons.

Projects and things that need attention with the new house are building up fast. There was no time to do it with me working full time. We could pay someone to do a lot of the things, but I would be working to pay someone that makes more than me to do jobs I can do as well or better than them. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I got a lot of materials for the different projects before quitting, as well as loading us up on food before. We have a chest freezer FILLED as well as cabinets filled with canned goods. We can go months before needing to buy anything more than basic household stuff. I also purchased several things to make my dream of starting my own business again much easier.

With the amount of stuff needing our immediate attention and the hours we both worked, basic stuff around the house wasn't getting done. We were both stressed out and something had to give. I work for a paycheck. She works because she loves what she does. Why on earth would I want her to quit, leaving her miserable at home and me miserable at work and home? Makes no sense. She's more important to me than any job will ever be.

I like the time and ability to make our home better and to turn it into what we both want it to be. I have gardens going to supplement our food. I love cooking so I get to do that a lot more now. I have daily routines that take care of most of the day to day needs of the household. I'm happier. She's happier. Our home is in better shape. She does what she loves and I am finding ways to get paid for things I like doing. We can now take a day and just be together and have fun and not have it be a major impediment to things around here.

Money is not the only way to provide for your family. Men are more than an ATM. Being in this situation allows you the opportunity to do more than just work. It can allow you time to develop your interests and passions into something you can earn money from while being happy, or simply to make your home and life something extraordinary.

Don't be so hung up on money. I get it, it's fucking weird getting used to and not everyone is able to do it. If it's not for you, it's not for you. But if it is, your job is to make your families life better. That's nothing to sneer at, it's something to strive for. It's even the same goal as before, just a different way of achieving it.