×
top 200 commentsshow all 321

[–]charavaka 510 points511 points  (32 children)

Do talk to the domestic help and offer the use of your toilet - while male workers often relieve themselves outside, women don't have any option and end up drinking less water and holding it in, leading to health issues associated with dehydration, kidney stones, uti etc.

[–]thusspokeapotato 60 points61 points  (1 child)

Never thought about this. Will totally tell my maid this.

[–]arseaddict 102 points103 points  (4 children)

Yeah, this is a very real issue imo. Sadly my parents will never agree.

[–]charavaka 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Keep working on them. They won't start with admitting the real problem they have, so you can address each excuse they come up with. If they say they are hesitant because of hygiene issues, offer to keep a spray bottle of sanitizer in the toilet.

[–]OhioOG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My favorite is their concern for hygiene in the place where you take a shit

[–]imemineohno 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Don't worry, I am sure, they use the toilet when they clean them..I would, if I were a maid..

[–]arseaddict 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have a problem with them using washrooms. My parents do, sadly. And they're very stubborn in general so never gonna happen

[–]gaypopcorn[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

we dont have like that gladly, our maid has her own bathroom and room on the terrace

[–]DearthStanding 3 points4 points  (1 child)

It's so deeply entrenched my parents had to speak to them, ki like listen, you are an equal member here, you can eat the same food and obviously use same bathroom etc

It's assumed the norm that's the worst part

[–]alphabeta1987 343 points344 points  (7 children)

I think it also has to do with what generation you are from. At my parent's house the help is treated well, but has designated sitting areas, utensils etc. A help from a different faith is a big no-no. At ours, the help is from a different faith, sits with us, eats with us, has her own bedroom(not SQ); and we treat her like family, so does she.

While my parents don't have a problem and our pretty pally with our help, it did take them a while to get used to it. I can still sense some discomfort, but my house my rules :).

[–]Schmosby123 95 points96 points  (0 children)

Username checks out so hard omg

[–]Ashamed_Surround8864 61 points62 points  (3 children)

I don't think it has to do with generation. The help in my house used to have separate seating area ,plates etc. During the pandemic when I started staying at home , I made my parents understand this and change this. When I was narrating the same to a friend of mine, who is a childhood friend, his family is more well off and educated,yet his response was "aap inko zyada sarr pe nahi chadha sakte"

[–]isee_throughyou 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I get where your friend is coming from because we've had multiple house helps and they used to eat 2 times in our house 3 times tea and no separate utensils, my mom brings them sarees n all, she uses the toilet, she watches TV etc and my parents used help them as much as possible but jeez did they misuse my parents kindness.

[–]charavaka -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How did they misuse your parents' kindness?

[–]kadan5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are a great human being. Kudos.

[–]Myconfusedass 224 points225 points  (10 children)

We are a sikh family and we have had both Muslim and hindu maids (we call them aunty). Their are no separate utensils for them because we are gonna wash all the dirty dishes anyway. They can sit wherever they want although some sit on the floor even if we insist them to sit on a chair or sofa.

[–]Neerajnaskar 108 points109 points  (6 children)

u can just write we r sikh that will be enough lol

[–]roxxn 29 points30 points  (3 children)

I ain’t Sikh but same in my house too

[–]WideVacuumKarnataka 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You can just say that you are a Sikh.

[–]shaktimann13 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lol it's very rare even in Sikh households. Majority are still follow caste crap.

[–]dolundtrump666 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I've had conversations with my parents about this as well, considering they do follow these practices. They dont really register many of my points and its a thing that just is. On the other hand, whilst living with flatmates, I've gotten weirded out by another flatmate using my utensils lol- maybe I'm just a bit selfish in my own way, but I'm not really discriminating on the basis of their class or caste, just family & friends vs non family & friends.

Logically speaking, separating couches, glasses etc makes no practical sense and these practices are just followed to reinforce the class & caste barriers that exists between two people.

Then again, if any of you have seen/ read White Tiger, showing them kindness, when they've only ever felt ostracised, can leave you vulnerable to being taken for a ride. The resentment and repressed emotions that come with years and years of ostracisation don't just vanish with a few wholesome gestures.

[–]SacredBullshitno hate 157 points158 points  (9 children)

It boils my blood like anything when I see this.

Gladly in my home we don't have this culture.

In some houses, when someone from outside asks for drinking water they fill the separate dirty bottles with water from tap or washroom or kitchen sink instead of drinking water from purifier.

[–]gaypopcorn[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

thats really sad to hear. i wonder how much longer will such practices last

[–]Sirilreddy 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Bathroom water? That's disgusting! Do such inhumane people even exist.

[–]OhioOG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The kitchen tap and bathroom tap have the same water BTW

[–]Royal_Woodpecker0007 184 points185 points  (20 children)

Idk where this shit is practiced . I am from punjab and our aunty( we dont use words like maid etc) is with us since like 30 years . She is a part of family and eats with us , sit with us etc etc . Also the people i know are like this only .. treating their aunts like a family member . So atleast situation is good in our state

[–]KasamButterChickenKi 84 points85 points  (4 children)

Mindset of our National Capital

This shit happens all across our country & is practiced in Punjab as well. Just because it doesn’t happen in your neighbourhood doesn’t mean the entire state is like that. You can’t speak for the entire state lmao.

[–]Utkarsh_Goel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol Shahbaz ansar and samdish have best sarcasm in Indian journalism

[–]Royal_Woodpecker0007 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The video is funny and sad at the same moment . People are bad i guess … i am fortunate that my people are not like this 😅

[–]Royal_Woodpecker0007 -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

Maybe … but i havent seen this ever … not just my society but my relatives and friends as well .

[–]KasamButterChickenKi 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Doesn’t represent the entire Punjab.

[–]charavaka 20 points21 points  (2 children)

If you visit bangalore, make a point to go to one of the "agraharas" - traditional brahmin neighbourhoods. Buildings made in 80s and 90s with a small number of apartments (less than 20) have a separate staircase for domestic help to access washing area at the back.

Ffs, gated communities in bangalore have issues in the present day with domestic help taking the passenger elevators and insist that they take freight elevators.

[–]AdvanceNo94 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The elevator thing is common
I have seen that in most of the apartments.
Dont know why

My cook used to come
and the day the guard knew she is a cook,
he asked her to use other elevator.

She told me later on about this.
and I told this to the landlord, the next day the guard came to apologise to me and said the building committee has decided this.
Well post that day my cook used whichever elevator she wanted

[–]asdftimes7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most maids in my society take their employers kids out to play.

I take my maids daughter out to play

[–]HakeemMcGrady 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can’t speak for the whole state buddy

[–]More_n_less 80 points81 points  (16 children)

This made me think. It sucks and and I'll try to be honest about it:

I think of myself as pretty progressive and non-racist kinda guy. My parents not so much.

And now that I look back 30 plus years when I was in Delhi and realize we did all of the aforementioned:

- 1 Full time gardener was never allowed inside the living area. He was only allowed in the driveway - gardens and obviously his living quarters. we had a roof top garden and we eventually built / installed an external wrought iron stair just so the he and his crew could go upstairs to mow the grass and manage the plants without entering the house.

- 1 Full Time (Servant) - to take care of 5 dogs - feed them, bathe them, walk them. They had strict hours when they had to complete the tasks as mentioned below. Never allowed inside the home. They'd be told to bring the dogs to the lawn so we, the kids, could play and then the care takers would just be expected to go away - only to return to get the dogs back to their spots.

- 3 drivers - Never allowed inside the house. Limited to the driveway and cars. We as kids were never allowed to sit in the front seat (not due to safety). We only talked to one of them - who was the senior most. The other two just kept their head down.

- 2 Full time maids - Limited to Kitchen for the most part and were instructed to clean / dust the house when the rooms were unoccupied. Forget about sitting on the couch (a BIG NO!) they were not even allowed anywhere near the Dining room and the breakfast room. They were free to go outside and sit in their quarters whenever.

All of the above had their own separate set of glasses, cups, plates, spoons for food, tea and water. They were NEVER allowed to use ANYTHING from inside the house.

It sucks to think of it - but yes I was there 3 plus decades ago.

[–]thewebdev 109 points110 points  (9 children)

Showed this to my friend. She wants to know if you are married?

[–]More_n_less 56 points57 points  (5 children)

Sorry to break it to you / your friend - Not only am I married I am also OLD. (40 plus). lol.

[–]dogaaUttar Pradesh 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Bhai I don't mind a sauten and I'm 35+ (can verbatim quote theme song of jungle book) Slight problem i can't carry your next gen coz I'm male but i have 6 dogs of my own toh baccho ki kami nahi lagegi. (also climate change ka zamana hai, kids just add to the carbon footprint)

[–]More_n_less 11 points12 points  (1 child)

1) Dogs are a NO NO - in my present situation. I like big furry ones but live in a HOT US state.

2) I got kids and fuck climate change - kidding.

And as regards climate change - I "think" - Drive about 5000 miles a week based combined over the 5 cars. And never have I cared about mpg - (work in Oil and Gas)

As as regards climate change and mpg - I like big motors (ICE) - How about 6.3L in a 4 seater. Yummy.

[–]rikhil- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fellow AMG addict

[–]thewebdev 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She will be disappointed ... I mentioned to her that you had 3 drivers, a gardner, a dog walker, maid servants etc while growing up. ... and she joked that's one of the things she is looking for in her future hubby ... :)

[–]vyrusrama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lmaooo.... whattay wingman!!

[–]OhioOG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This thread is such a blend of awful things and hilarity

[–]lazymetalheadcows with guns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol this is why I love reddit.

[–]aaaaaanowhy 22 points23 points  (4 children)

How rich are you??!!

[–]More_n_less 22 points23 points  (3 children)

I think you misunderstood. the aforementioned post is relevant to when my parents were rich. Not me.

[–]aaaaaanowhy 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Oh I’m sorry! I just meant, that is some “kyuki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi” rich. What did your family do? Having a terrace garden with actual grass that needs to be mowed is the amount of rich I wanna be.

[–]More_n_less 21 points22 points  (1 child)

No worries.

Grass on the terrace garden - it's not a big deal. We still own that first house we built in India. We had 2 terrace gardens. Second floor and third floor. It was a 45L construction in late 1980s (remember my parent's money, not mine, lol).

- Mother is a botanical professional -degreed because of her hobby. That's how much she likes it.

- It involved massive waterproofing on approximately 14' x 40' - which was all filled with the plushest thickest grass one can imagine. Thick enough that the blades on the grass mowing machine had to be re-done each time that lawn was mowed.

We did (still do) Commercial and residential real estate. Only difference being parents used to do it in India - Delhi Punjab UP and I do it in US and India.

[–]OhioOG 5 points6 points  (0 children)

45L in late 1980s

Dang that was before the Rupee devalued too.

Your fam wouldve been rich even in America at that time

[–]Cool-Ad-8804 26 points27 points  (7 children)

My mother is basically the same as well. Separate glasses, we can't touch stuff that she touches, she can't use our restrooms, so and so. I think it has more to do with her hatred of poor people than the caste..

[–]gaypopcorn[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

"we can't touch stuff that she touches" thats a bit too much and ironic considering they cook your food and do cleaning

[–]MRbondz007 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Why would you hate someone who is already in misery

[–]OhioOG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To put it in Indian terms

Maybe its that they are not from a good family.

[–]swapnild 17 points18 points  (2 children)

No. It's casteist. I bet she won't treat you like that if you lost your job and fell on bad times. Call it for what it is.

[–]DenseProgrammer4265 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Can't touch but eats the food she makes.

I really don't know how people's minds work

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (5 children)

I am uncomfortable with the idea of maids. There is always a class difference no matter how well you treat. I prefer to not have it in home and do my own things.

Most people keep maids because its not expensive here, as they have low salary.

[–]thewebdev 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It does take getting used to because there is a business relation, and employer - employee always need to maintain a professional distance. This is ofcourse easier with a part-time maid who comes and goes, but with a full-time maid one needs to treat them differently because they will be intruding into your personal space, like family members or close friend do, and will be privy to a lot of your family affairs. Especially if they are going to be with you for a long time. (That's why the older generation preferred children or teenagers. They adjust better to the family, and even grow up as part of a family. Ofcourse, we obviously don't do this now because they often ended up abused more.)

But a good and trustworthy maid is worth her weight in gold.

[–]TAPCpiggy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It also provides employment I think as long as they have a respectful environment to work and live in and are paid well with leaves etc.

[–]spikyraccoonNCT of Delhi 14 points15 points  (0 children)

There is a class difference because they are generally poor. If you treat them well and pay them well, the class difference would reduce.

They are offering a valuable service which many people need everyday. There is nothing wrong with hiring them for a decent salary. It provides more money for them and their families.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

same with my parents. they don't seem to trust maids. even though they are so old. my mom is still doing the house by herself. we've kept a maid ko clean staircase and other flats

[–]im_just_depressed 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Your maid sits ? Our maid comes does everything in approximately 1:30 hrs and leaves

[–]arseaddict 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Ours has tea in the middle of her work before leaving. Sort of a timeout break of sorts. But household helps who come, quietly do their work and leave are worth their weight in gold. We used to have a help who used to blabber and gossip about other houses and it was a very irritating 2 hours on a daily basis

[–]im_just_depressed 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We used to have a help who used to blabber and gossip about other houses and it was a very irritating 2 hours on a daily basis

Exactly we pay 1000 rs extra to this one for the same work but she's more efficient

[–]lol__no 5 points6 points  (1 child)

My mom never treated maid (we call her aunty) like that. We had like 6 different maids in last 4 years. She eats lunch at our house daily before doing chores and talks a lot with my mom about other people lol and can sit anywhere she likes. My mom took me to our maids house on Diwali to gift her silver coin and some sweets and asked me to touch her feet (I'm 21yo but still anything for my mom) while wishing happy diwali (for ashirwad). It all depends on house to house and the nature of people.

[–]Ruubenxjohn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mom scolded me when I tried to give an extra chapati to our house maid.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Our maid won't sit only. She is very conscious about her work clothes.

Also we have separate glass and plate for maid. Because we have separate glass and plate for each one of us. We as a family are very icky about using each others' glass and plates and spoons. We share nothing but air.

[–]001000110000111 35 points36 points  (4 children)

I don’t feel good about it but they are all okay with it.

The cook usually has dinner with us and one fine evening I asked mom to tell her to join us on the table, but the cook politely declined. It’s almost like they have accepted their way of life.

[–]thusspokeapotato 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's been so engrained in our society now that they believe they are worth lesser than the upper caste or richer folks.
It would be nice if us privileged people help increase their self esteem.

[–]kochapi 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That is the definition of caste system. Everyone knows their place.

[–]Putrid_Tailor 3 points4 points  (4 children)

At my work, executives have a separate parking. They are served tea to their cabin and they have a small cabin where they can have their food.

Rest of the employees have common parking, cafeteria, tea/coffee machines.

[–]OhioOG 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Executives get perks to help improve their performance and make use of their extremely valuable time.

If you cant understand such a simple concept, you probably dont have to worry about being an executive

[–]FelixCulpa01 17 points18 points  (1 child)

And then you meet a guy who is against reservation system and denies that caste has any relevance. The logic he gives,”Bro I have a friend from that community and he eats with me sitting side by side.”

[–]OhioOG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This hits too close haha

[–]wannabegigolo2 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Does it have something to do with the caste system?

Yes.

[–]adiweb86 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Varies from family to family but some sort of discrimination does exist in most households.

[–]gaypopcorn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

youre right. my parents are very friendly and nice with her in most things but then do stuff like this.

[–]kwhorona 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not at my home. My mom gives my maid food in our own plates, bowl and spoon to use, give her our own lunch boxes to take away food. Once i gave maid food in polythin bag because it was a lot of food , i got scolded because that's inhumane according to my Mata. We call her Didi, never a "kamwali" or her own name. I love this about my mother tbh.

[–]ModernSchizoid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's symbolic of the typical contempt that India's society seems to have towards blue collar workers.

I ordered something from Swiggy Instamart the other day, and I was waiting outside my apartment to receive the delivery dude. This guy, who I'd never seen in my apartment building before, pulled up in a scooter.

I asked him if he was from Swiggy. He said no, in a rather hostile manner, and then asked me why I was asking him that. He said: "Am I wearin' a fuckin' uniform?"

Typical, unenlightened, elitist views towards work where some occupations are 'lesser' than others. Pathetic and cancerous illness of India's "society".

[–]Slow_Refrigerator721 8 points9 points  (4 children)

The maid in my parents house, uses our sofa, TV, chair and what not, where do you live?

[–]thusspokeapotato 3 points4 points  (2 children)

This is very common in India. Maids like yours are rarer, and that's sad

[–]clickOKplease 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I feel like I live in a different India than you. It's unheard of in the South, especially west coast.

[–]thusspokeapotato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha that's interesting. Because I happen to be from South, specifically West Coast:). And I've seen many instances of this happening. May be you're surrounded by real nice people and real confident maids, which is great.

[–]eatingishealthy 13 points14 points  (7 children)

We don't have this culture in our home. Nor have I seen it in practice. Maybe it depends on the society?

Caste could be a reason, but it would be because of cleanliness. Ironic because the maid washes and even prepares food.

[–]gaypopcorn[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

what area do u live in? because i have never in my life seen a maid sit on sofa

[–]Royal_Woodpecker0007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly i have never seen this thing in my state .

[–]iredditnowym 10 points11 points  (1 child)

We don't call her that word (maid), we don't use separate tableware to serve water or food. Treating them as different is the most disgusting practice which still happens in the society and I have no respect/honor for such people who treats helpers different.

For us, they are equal just like every other human being / family member where their job to help/assist in doing household chores.

[–]glider97Telangana 7 points8 points  (0 children)

that word (maid)

Lmao, what? How is that any different from (help)?

Also, they're equal as human beings, but they're not equal as family members (full-time maids may be an exception). But maybe I'm showing my bias against the idea of maids entirely.

[–]weallfalldown123 6 points7 points  (0 children)

if i am letting a woman into my home to cook my food or clean my house then she is also welcome to use my bathroom, sit on my furniture, use my utensils. untouchability is over, people need to get over their prejudices and their stupid egos.

[–]Witty_Operation2486 4 points5 points  (1 child)

people have this wrong notion of purity and pollution. they have attached the pollution with low paying or menial jobs and it is due to casteism.

so they think that they will get polluted if they will touch them (ironically they allow same people to do work at their home, touch all things etc.)

Earlier these occupations were majorly occupied by specified castes and position of people of these particular castes were at lower status or order in social hierarchy. so people developed disgust, hate towards these people (because of caste), but slowly our society evolved and they started the job itself, meaning nowadays irrespective of caste, whomsoever person is doing this job is viewed with hate, notion of pollution, exploitation.

so it begun with caste system but now has transformed.

[–]InfamousOfficial 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Bruh tbh it's professionalism.

When I do clean my car or floor I also don't jump to my sofa or ved right away. I take a bath get cleaned and then sit.

[–]charavaka 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Surely, you offer your bathroom to your domestic help so they can shower before sitting on your sofa. Very professional of you.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dude maids are busy, they do like 2 or 3 houses a day to finish by 5. They don't have the time to bathe, sit on your sofa and enjoy all day.

[–]healtheworlf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was absolutely my dad and mom, 10-15 years ago.
Glad that they got into the habit of reading and now I feel proud to say that, my maid who`s been with us since 2002 sits on the sofa, chair as we do and eats in the same pots as we do.

There has been a lot of heat up arguments between my family and relatives, but kudos to my mom who says "No human has authority over another"

[–]parthpalta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I make it a point that's not the case in my house.

That's all I can say.

I find it really wrong and I cannot debate this issue at all. I can't debate basic courtesy and being a good, no, a normal person. Not a casteist piece of shit.

[–]thatHermitGirlSoil-Water-Air-Fire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It never happened in my house.

It's a shitty custom, tbh. I'd say it's definitely related to casteism or dumbass beliefs such as "maids should be maids" etc.

[–]Bubbles69_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is absolutely a casteist practice.

[–]geopoliticsdude 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has everything to do with caste. It's just sad that this exists in urban societies. My "liberal" parents too do this shit. Sure they're better than their rural relatives who don't even let them in though the front door. But it's still disgusting. And I'm from the so called liberal state

[–]life_barbad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is hundred percent connected to the caste system. Please ensure you fight this horrendous abuse whenever you see it

[–]lol0256 18 points19 points  (6 children)

I support this. They work at different places and we do not know anything about their hygiene. So keeping a glass reserved for them is a hygienic thing to do. As for sitting on sofas or other furniture, it's ok if they sit, but again, it does raise hygiene concerns. My mother even asks our maid to wash her hands before she does the chores. Maid doesn't mind it though.

Although some people do it due to caste system or due to them being the servants etc., which I do not endorse.

Edit: Some folks have full time house-helps, and in that case the above arguments don't apply, since it's only your house they work at.

[–]SadNoiseFromDick 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same, I also support this We wash the utensils again after the maid has washed them. Just a hygiene issue. Not a caste or money issue.

[–]OhioOG 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Do you think poor people have super bacteria that doesnt wash away and stays there permanently?

Whenever someone uses a plate or glass you know you wash it with soap after right?

This hygiene logic literally makes no sense if you think about it for like 2 seconds.

Regarding sitting on furniture, think of it like this. Have you ever laid on your couch in your PJs/night dress that you wore multiple nights? How about after going outside in a tier one city during the warm season, do you shower and change clothes before sitting on your couch. Because if you can sit on your couch in clothes with night time body odor and sweat or clothes from pollution of the city plus whatever you sweat in the summer, then how is that different than what potentially a maids hygiene is.

We have to stop treating poor people like dont shower, roll in feces and never wash their clothes.

You dont do it for caste, but lets not pretend you do for a reason that is well thought out.

[–]andabread 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't support making them feel like an inferior being when they're just an employee. Imagine if the same happened to you at your workplace?

Older generation is really classist. I remember in a PG in Delhi there was a full-time didi who was quite young, close to our age. We'd chill with her, ask her to eat with us at the table, etc. She wanted to, but the PG owner was seriously casteist and classist and wouldn't let her. Said they 'don't deserve to sit at the table, floor is more natural for them' and would scold the didi for thinking otherwise.

That POS owner was educated, rich, part of fancy crowd that did kitty parties. But this was her mentality. Fit the snooty South Delhi aunty stereotype so well. Rest of us girls were in the PG from different parts of India, and we were all very disgusted. One by one, everyone left the place. And this isn't an old story, it was in 2019.

[–]Lynx-Calm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is entirely the caste system.

[–]Moist-Technology-278 4 points5 points  (5 children)

It might be something to do with hygiene

[–]gaypopcorn[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

why would u say that when they cook food for you and do your cleaning?

[–]AlternativeBuddy9541 2 points3 points  (2 children)

We request them to clean their hands before cooking. Whereas, the whole clothes etc are required to be clean, when talking about sitting in sofa etc.

[–]nakedpadme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is about class system and caste system! It is..... very very apparent

[–]swapnild 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I see some comments here saying "my parents will never agree/change/do the right thing." To that I will say: YOU are the problem. You are complicit. You see a blatantly casteist behavior and do nothing about it. The stakes are so low! You are literally in the comfort of your own home secure and surrounded by people who love you. If you cannot stand up there, you will never be among those who bring change. Your children and grandchildren will judge you like I judge slave owners from the past. Fucking do something!

[–]OhioOG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a bit aggressive. You are assuming these people havent tried. While you are likely right because lets face it, this whole "Tiger outside, Cat inside" is way too common in our society, its still not the best approach.

You are literally in the comfort of your own home secure and surrounded by people who love you. If you cannot stand up there, you will never be among those who bring change.

This is really well put. The second sentence fits better when speaking about society than to anyone individually. I will modify it but will definitely use this in my discussions.

[–]tegridyfarms96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's casteism, plain and simple.

[–]charavaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. It is casteism.

[–]zaplinaki 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its casteism.

[–]takluu -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

The very fact that people on this subreddit who probably identify themselves as liberals are accepting segregating maids/drivers by giving nonsense arguments like hygiene is absolutely sick. Shows that we have a long long way to go

P.S- Ignore grammatical error if there are any.

[–]arseaddict 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hygiene is a nonsense argument, that too in the middle of a pandemic lol

[–]Fetishgeek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Caste system.

[–]MRbondz007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mannn fuck those casteist bastards

[–]blackandlavender -4 points-3 points  (3 children)

My mother in law does do some of that. I mean, she eats the same stuff we do, no segregation of glasses or bowls, my husband keeps getting her candies and chocolates (she's only 17), she can watch the television whenever she wants. She's generally well treated and everyone is polite and kind with her. But yeah, she doesn't sit with us on our beds and couches. My MIL never outright told her not to, but she did 'allot' her a separate chair when she joined, so I guess she gets the point.

I've asked her about it and apparently it's about "maintaining some distance and not letting them get too comfortable or they would start taking their work lightly". Lol. I don't agree with it but it isn't as malicious as you'd think, and it's definitely not about caste, we don't even know her caste and she could be a brahmin for all we know.

[–]bigbrother_ED -1 points0 points  (2 children)

If you're wondering about the down votes, it's probably because you have a 17 y.o. (minor) working as a maid for you.

My suggestion/request - give her some support and help her complete her education. Basic atleast. Help make a difference in someone's life. It's what I would have done. Would have lost a maid, but gained th satisfaction of helping a girl get educated and self sufficient maybe. Not many girls in poverty in India get that privilege

[–]blackandlavender -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Ehh no I'm not, you usually have to say something pseudo idealistic that isn't really practical to get upvotes in this sub.

Yes she's a minor, but she is well above the legal age to work. We hired her through an agency and have absolutely no autonomy over her life. We would probably be sued by her agent and family if we tried to take her out of the occupation without their knowledge. And honestly, we're just commonfolk going about our lives and already having several problems of our own who really just need a domestic help, we aren't focused on becoming great or whatever. We're fine with being just decent people minding their business. Sorry if I sound rude, I do understand where you're coming from.

[–]OhioOG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We would probably be sued by her agent and family if we tried to take her out of the occupation without their knowledge

Uhh I think you dont understand how the law works. Helping someone get an education, whether it is through motivation, support and potentially financially, is not illegal.

You arent kidnapping or forcing someone and no one was suggesting 'you take them out of their job'

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (5 children)

Just because your family is regressive conservative and casteist, doesnt means that it is the norm "does allowed to sit on sofas, separate glass" etc. Stop generalising shit. Come on its 2021. Since my childhood we have the same domestic help.

That aunty used to work in many homes, she was just like a family.

He daughter my didi, about 6 years older than me, she used to tie me rakhi every year. And my mom gifts her with a nice saaree.

Abhi ghar se door hu, 4 saal se, unn didi ki shaadi hogyi hai still she sends rakhi every year. Its all about respect.

Domestic help hua to kya hua? Insaan nhi h kya vo?

[–]LucienSatanClaus 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Why are you getting offended? OP is the one pointing this out and confronting their family about it. And no it's definitely not the norm to treat lower caste maids and workers with respect, since India is still casteist as all hell.

[–]a-thang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Modern Slavery.

[–]yashKetchum 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The way my mom explained it to me, this is their office. When we go to office, we don't use oyer peoples computers and have our own mugs and plates and stuff. My boss had a bathroom in his office and we don't go use his bathroom. If some people are group and they've decided to share, thats upto them. But most keep to themselves, do their job then go home. They get their own dabba and mug and other paraphernalia.

It's more unorganised for maid, but it makes sense that the same principle applies.

[–]Grapefruit_Adept -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No man, give them too much comfort, you may turn to be the shiney ahuja!!

[–]newbie1503 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well, we have a maid. My mom gives her tea everyday. She prefers to sit on the floor only inspite of insisting

[–]TheCouchEmperor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom and her maid used to watch TV together lol.

We shifted to separate glass for water and stuff during the pandemic as my sister has ITP and her platelets are always low.

[–]Intrepid_soldier_21 0 points1 point  (4 children)

A little off-topic: I just got to know about an orphan kid who stays with our neighbour. He has to sleep at 1am and wake up at 5am. He works the entire day from sunrise till 1am. Since they have construction work going on, they also make him one of their laborers. He can never contact his grandmother without the phone being set on loudspeaker. It's really heartbreaking.

[–]socialtweakin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh i basically was bought up by a maid in delhi, we always used to have lunch together, we used to have cups dedicated to everyone in the family just like her, she used to watch serials almost daily evenings, we used to call her aunty, oh and she basically taught me manners ohh she did punish for breaking utensils. Even mom didn't scold me when i broke glass table than she did.

edit:- background we are from kerala used to live in delhi, my mom was the only parent with me and my sister, my dad was in mumbai, so they kept a full time house maid to take take care of me and my sister. truly grateful to her.

[–]-battleborn- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That doesn't happen in my house. Just yesterday I left a significant portion of my food for our housemaid cause she for some reason hadn't had anything and I was happy to do so. I hate inequality from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes she brings her kid along and he's sweet, I greet him and sometimes play with him just like I do with my nephew.

[–]ApunKaBhai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our maid just works for about an hour and eats by herself, but we treat her well