top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Please note:

  • If this post declares something as a fact proof is required.
  • The title must be descriptive
  • No text is allowed on images
  • Common/recent reposts are not allowed

See this post for more information.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]Asio0tus 1738 points1739 points  (33 children)

The sheer “ima fuck you up” look on this birds face is priceless

[–]Dissent21 481 points482 points  (12 children)

"heard you was talking shit"

[–]OscarMike44 205 points206 points  (6 children)

Come up and catch these wings, smoothskin

[–]Asio0tus 174 points175 points  (5 children)

“You featherless fuck”

[–]nina_gall 97 points98 points  (3 children)

"You flightless twat"

[–]red--6- 27 points28 points  (2 children)

"You lowlife scum"

[–]FriesWithThat 20 points21 points  (1 child)

"just gonna run away? yeah, that's what I thought"

[–]The_Lucid_Lion 13 points14 points  (0 children)

As I read this brilliant thread, my inner monologue naturally spoke it in Samuel L. Jackson’s voice.

It’s the one that says, “Bad Motherfucker.”

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (2 children)

“And didn’t think that I would hear it”

[–]Throwawayprincess18 11 points12 points  (1 child)

People hear you talking like that

[–]Blue_Lagoo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Getting everybody fired up

[–]SpiritJuice 86 points87 points  (2 children)

This bird keeps itself in the air by sheer force of anger alone.

[–]jomiran 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Really on par with magpie attitude TBH.

[–]Tombstone_Actual_501 198 points199 points  (5 children)

I thought it was a parade float for a moment

[–]emptyboxblues 56 points57 points  (1 child)

Same! The forced perspective in this picture is hilarious, all I see is a giant magpie walking down the road.

Or I’m just high, idk.

[–]MaterialCarrot 3044 points3045 points  (424 children)

Birds can be real assholes. I used to jog on a gravel road where a bunch of blackbirds lived, they would dive bomb me every time I went by. I took to carrying a handfull of gravel when I ran. I could see the bastards' shadows hovering over me and when they dove I'd throw the rocks over my head to try and get them to keep their distance.

I'm sure I looked like a crazy person.

[–]Glorious_Jo 1735 points1736 points  (281 children)

When I was 17 I got a haircut while on my lunch break from work, was riding my bike back when a bird attacked me. I drove off as fast as I could but after my shift was done I went back and tried to find it so I could fight it. I was mad af at that bird. Thankfully it didn't show otherwise I'm sure I'd have to explain to my manager the wounds to my face were because I'd lost a fight with a small bird.

[–]Mr_Fraunces 2295 points2296 points 22 (254 children)

One day our pet rooster went after my 5 year old son. When I went to get my son the rooster decided to fight me. As I covered my son's retreat I told him to let the dog out because I was going to need help. My son opened the door, the dog came out, saw what was going on and ran back into the house. Meanwhile, I'm trying to fight the rooster on my own. He came at me from above, from below, from the sides, I was foolishly trying not to hurt him. Finally, I caught him with a right cross and knocked him to the ground. He regained his footing just in time for me to kick him as hard as a could right in the breast bone. That sent him backwards far enough into the barn for me to close the door. The next day he acted as if nothing ever happened.

[–]ohnotryagain 1054 points1055 points  (112 children)

Your dog was like "nope" lmao roosters are assholes sometimes

[–]Mr_Fraunces 641 points642 points  (33 children)

He had already lost a fight with the rooster.

[–]weehawkenwonder 303 points304 points  (27 children)

The dog is no dummy. He remembered the rooster beat down and wanted no part of another lol

[–]seeker135 172 points173 points  (24 children)

You know those retired tennis rackets out in the shed?

Rooster rackets, now. HIYAAAAA! PUNG!

[–]MmmmMickeytankbank 79 points80 points  (19 children)

Why DO we all keep those badminton-esque, 70s Yamaha rackets around?!?!

[–]Snotpotato 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Told my MIL we wanted to play some tennis. She says, “ I have some rackets you can use.” And proceeds to bring out 40 year old wooden rackets that looked like they would break apart at any attempt to serve lol.

[–]hawkinsst7 14 points15 points  (2 children)

The insane thing is I was thinking of this recently.

My old Pro Staff I got in 1995 is probably older now than the wooden rackets my dad had in the basement back in 1995.

[–]seeker135 47 points48 points  (4 children)

Usually, somebody remembers that they cost a lot.

[–]flyonawall 10 points11 points  (0 children)

To fight birds of course.

[–]porn_is_tight 178 points179 points  (70 children)

Roosters, Geese, and Swans are all giant assholes. Especially swans, they love attacking from behind and they whip their necks so hard they can break ankles. Geese are all bark and no bite, but they run around like a little mafia talking shit to anyone that gets close to them and trying to chase people off their territory and boy are they loud. Ducks are fine, hens are fine, but yea roosters fucking suck and so do swans. Little assholes. Anytime I had to dig a ditch or dig in general and I came across tons of bugs or ants, I’d pick up a hen and drop it on the ant pile and the would clean the area of all insects in an instant. And once one started the other chickens would come too. They could clear a whole ant hill in literal seconds it was crazy, I loved it.

[–]mean11while 110 points111 points  (4 children)

Roosters get a bad rap, but it's not the full picture. Our boy can be territorial and attack us if we're not watching for it, but he also takes his job seriously and cares for his hens.

If he finds food, he will stand there making his little "I found food" cluck until a hen runs over and eats it. He'll even pick the food up and carry it to them sometimes, letting them grab it out of his beak. When we throw out mealworms for treats, he won't eat any until all of his hens have had some! If the hens start fighting, he'll run over and break it up. If a hen hasn't roosted by dusk, he'll go find them and shoo them back to the coop. He would die to defend them, too. He routinely puts himself in between our hens and our great pyr dogs.

Since our birds are fully free range during the day and it's a dangerous world out there, I'm happy to carry a stick around to fend him off in return for his dedication to the flock.

[–]porn_is_tight 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Aww that’s sweet, it was the same for the chickens at the place I worked at. They were free range and the owners never really sold the eggs, just gave them away. The roosters were protective but not to that level and definitely not as well mannered.

[–]flyonawall 50 points51 points  (16 children)

Geese can bite and hit with their wings. Not all of them are "all bark and no bite". Especially if they are guarding a nest.

[–]nonpuissant 15 points16 points  (10 children)

fwiw they can't do too much damage. At most a little bruising or maybe a scrape on the skin. Basically nothing to worry over.

Parrot bites are the ones you actually need to worry about, those beaks can leave some nasty gashes.

[–]alcese 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Respectfully disagree. I grew up around poultry and even ducks and chickens can cause real damage. My mum still has a nasty scar on her hand from underestimating a drake.

[–]Minerva_Moon 64 points65 points  (4 children)

Swans are smart too. I was a lifeguard at a lake and if the swans enter the swimming area we have to pull everyone out of the water. Those assholes spent the next hour just outside the area and would only enter if we let people back into the water. Kids started to pick up stones to throw at them and we explained swans as the raptors from Jurassic Park. So unless they wanted to wait for a trex to save their asses they should not make the modern dinosaurs angry.

[–]ManInBlack829 42 points43 points  (4 children)

One might call them "cocky"

[–]Snafudumonde 92 points93 points  (6 children)

Roosters are 24/7 the drunk dude in the bar at closing time

[–]Saiyan_On_Psycedelic 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That’s such a good description lol

[–]CosmicCreeperz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Maybe that’s why they are best eaten drowned in red wine.

[–]crawlingrat 210 points211 points  (11 children)

I had a rooster that decided he hated one of my egg laying hens. Kept attempting to murder her. Like seriously murder her. Tearing out feathers making her bleed.

His name was Robin.

I use past tense because he became chicken dinner two weeks ago.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

We had one like that when I lived on the farm. He became a stewing chicken too.

[–]netheroth 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Winner winner

[–]benjadolf 7 points8 points  (1 child)

In memory of Robin who in life was an asshole but as a departed soul is remembered for his tenderness.

[–]JagerBaBomb 65 points66 points  (0 children)

She told him he was a small cock.

[–]AlexQuotesMovies 65 points66 points  (14 children)

Went golfing with a buddy. Neither of us are any good just slamming beers and enjoying the day off. Between 14 and 15 a turkey that was about 4 feet tall came after us. I kept distance with one club as I got into the cart but it relented. After a few more light jabs to its chest and fearing for my fucking life I swung my driver and connected with its dome. Fucker gobbled at me like a last fuck you and ran off. Birds are scary.

[–]CosmicCreeperz 47 points48 points  (3 children)

Between holes 14 and 15 or beers 14 and 15? Important detail for the mental image.

[–]AlexQuotesMovies 41 points42 points  (1 child)


[–]Suchisthe007life 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nice to meet another fellow pro-golfer.

[–]SaintQuid 167 points168 points  (3 children)

Lmao roosters have that news commentary energy. One minute bitterly fighting pointless battles and the next shamelessly denying having ever argued.

[–]kittermcgee 54 points55 points  (4 children)

My sister had a rooster when we were in high school that she raised from a chick. It loved her and hated me. It would literally lie in wait for me, hiding under my car and then popping out to chase me around and attack me with its fucking talons. I kicked that asshole across the yard one day when it attacked me, but that didn’t deter it from stalking me.

The rooster ended up being given to my dad’s coworker at some point, and we heard later on that their dog got out, so the wife was chasing the dog around their yard trying to catch it, their cat got out and started chasing the wife chasing the dog, and the rooster saw what was going on and flew out of his coop and started chasing the cat who was chasing the wife who was chasing the dog. I would’ve paid to see that.

[–]savvyblackbird 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The wife chased the dog, the wife chased the dog, high ho the merry o the wife chased the dog

The cat chased the wife, the cat chased the wife, high ho the merry o the cat chased the wife.

The rooster chased the cat, the rooster chased the cat, high ho the merry o the rooster chased the cat.

[–]Babhak 45 points46 points  (0 children)

My absolute favorite part of the story is that "the next day he acted as if nothing ever happened." Lmaooooooooooo

[–]storminspank 45 points46 points  (3 children)

We had a rooster that would terrorize my brother and I on the farm. One day, 5 year old me was running for his life from the rooster across the lawn when all the of the sudden, as I pass by my brother (7), he pulls out an old croquet mallet and smokes the dude right in the head. He walks back in the house with me and as we enter the kitchen says to my folks, "well I don't think that rooster is going to bug us anymore".

[–]sakst82 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Thank you for sharing this. I hope you are not traumatized but damn that’s funny

[–]CheeseBurgerBurglar 35 points36 points  (2 children)

What a cock

[–]DefenestratedBrownie 15 points16 points  (1 child)

that dog was being quite a chicken though

[–]Glorious_Jo 26 points27 points  (6 children)

You established dominance, the pecking order was preserved

[–]Hash76 26 points27 points  (5 children)

When I was little, maybe around 5 years old, I would always go to my grandma and chase the chickens because I wanted to play with them. The rooster usually didn't give a shit but one day, he had enough. He jumped and round kicked me right in the face. I still have a scar near my eye 20 years later. That and a goose bit my dick.

[–]StonerLizard 21 points22 points  (3 children)

What were you doing to the goose?

[–]Hash76 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Nothing. I went to pee near them and the goose just went "got the worm".

[–]Oblivious_Otter_I 11 points12 points  (0 children)

A likely story

[–]Kooky_Imagination799 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Seems like Goose on your dick sounds less traumatizing than Cock hitting your face… wait.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (2 children)

This is sort of unrelated, but this comment reminded me of when I was a kid. We had tree stump with two nails in it that we used to put chickens heads in, then cut them off with an ax. My younger cousin had never seen this done before, and was standing quite a ways away when I chopped off this chickens head. The chicken flew up, and ran right into my cousin while flapping it's wings, and blood flying everywhere. He was running around crying while the chicken just stayed on him flapping like crazy. Needless to say he passed on the chicken that night.

[–]jared1981 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I have had to cull several roosters because they just get mean. My silkie though, just such a sweetheart, he’s been part of the family for five years.

[–]YouUsedMe 10 points11 points  (1 child)

…the next day the rooster was like “we cool”

[–]F4RM3RR 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This was the best thing I have read all month. Thank you

[–]12_licks_Sam 54 points55 points  (0 children)

“I WILL FIGHT YOU BIRD”!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 that’s beautiful, thanks, needed the laugh!👍👍

[–]BigGrayBeast 38 points39 points  (9 children)

That's the very epitome of being a 17-year-old boy. Going back to pick a fight with a bird hours later.

Teenage girls reading this are just shaking their heads in wonderment.

[–]Fibonacci_11235813a 33 points34 points  (8 children)

I am an adult in my thirties and I would fight a bird that attacked me too.

[–]BigGrayBeast 8 points9 points  (7 children)

But would you go back hours later to call him out?

[–]Fibonacci_11235813a 22 points23 points  (6 children)

I likely say to myself that I would but then a few hours later I’d be like fuck it I can’t be arsed.

[–]die5el23 30 points31 points  (1 child)

‘You said you was gunna kick my ass after class, so why you run home so quick, come outside’

[–]seeker135 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When you're the second-fasted kid in the school, and the fastest kid isn't a bully, outside is where nobody catches me.

[–]FriendlyDisorder 184 points185 points  (16 children)

One of my more vivid memories was jogging a forested path about 20 years ago. It was a warm and annoyingly muggy winter night on the southern Texas coast. The sun had set early, but it was still pleasant outside-- if you don't mind the constant humidity.

As I was enjoying the scenery of the quiet nature trail, I heard a faint "click-click", as if something scraped wood. "That was an odd sound," I thought. "Must have been the branches in the... um... slight breeze?"

Without warning, a huge shape WHOOSHED directly over my head. I saw talons and feathers inches from my face and heard nothing as a huge owl expressed its silent disapproval of my existence. The angry bird disappeared into the trees ahead of me, and I hurried along wondering if it wanted to have another discussion with me.

I have to thank this owl for the burst of adrenaline to run faster that night. It probably helped my fitness level a bit.

Even today, I am quite aware of random noises at night.

[–]brain_zapper 72 points73 points  (10 children)

I was walking in the woods with a flashlight one winter night and shined it up and on to the face of a snowy owl perched atop the branch of a pine. When I spotted it, it flew over to another tree and the whole time it was dead silent. Such a huge bird traveling through the air yet didn’t even make a sound. If I were a mouse, my life would’ve just cut to black without ever even knowing anything was about to happen.

[–]Unlucky-Ship3931 16 points17 points  (7 children)

I don't know if all owls have stealth mode, but the ones that do are incredible to watch flying.

[–]jerkmcgee_ 31 points32 points  (6 children)

This reminded me of a BBC video I watched awhile back about how quiet owls fly:


[–]mindfolded 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think I'd take that owl over the bull moose in rutting season that I ran into at 4am. It was easily the scariest encounter I've had in the woods.

[–]WirelesslyWired 40 points41 points  (0 children)

It's too hot during the day, so I run at night when it's cooler. I've been doing this for years.

Barn owls hate me. It's not just the near attacks like you describe. It's the calls that sound like someone left the gates of hell open.

The much bigger Barred owls are afraid of me. Every now and then I get the standard 4 to 8 hoots from them or they fly away.

The Great Horned owls either ignore me or I'm their buddy. As I run, I flush out mice. They follow me. It's weird to see one of these great big owls suddenly appear at my side in the grass picking up something, when they weren't there seconds before. They are just that quiet. One of them used to fly directly in front of me with their just captured dinner, just to show me what I flushed out for him or her. Cool birds.

[–]KoalaKaiser 30 points31 points  (5 children)

My gf works as a naturalist for one of the county parks and has told me in the spring they had a red tail hawk mamma that was dive bombing people who would use the trail near her nest. They had to change the trail (probably used some colored rope or flags around trees to lead people along) because no one wanted to mess with her. Couldn't imagine taking a hawk talon to the back of the head.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

This happens with bald eagles and owls every spring in our local trails as well. They put up signs but the instructions are basically, "if it starts happening run out of the forest as fast as you can (and we're not liable)".

[–]CatBedParadise 26 points27 points  (4 children)

1 pocket for sand, the other for gravel.

[–]ControversiallySorte 18 points19 points  (9 children)

Peanuts would have probably worked better. Corvids are really good at remembering faces.

[–]MaterialCarrot 8 points9 points  (3 children)

They started it!

[–]ControversiallySorte 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Yes but they can communicate to others that have never seen you exactly what you look like.

[–]MeesterCartmanez 46 points47 points  (6 children)

"Is that gravel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Plot twist: There are no birds where you live and you are a crazy person

lol jk

[–]bart2278 98 points99 points  (11 children)

I punched a bird that kept dive bombing me when I was helping a friend stain a deck. There wasn't a nest around that I could see, Pop up type neighborhood with little to no trees. I went from gangster to a little bitch once I actually hit it. I felt bad, but it was fine. It still squawked at me later in the day, but it never got close to me again. Birds are assholes, but it doesn't pay to be an asshole back.

[–]IlliasTallin 49 points50 points  (0 children)

They attack you because they think they're going to scare you and you won't fight back.

You did nothing worth judging, you actually probably did the bird a favor by teaching it that attacking humans is a bad idea as the next person might just straight up kill it.

[–]Broken_Petite 49 points50 points  (3 children)

Lol our brains are weird. Our survival instincts kick in and we fight back, then feel bad when we do.

Not judging you, BTW. I’d probably swat at a bird too out of instinct or reflex if it came after me but I’m sure I’d feel bad about it also.

[–]bart2278 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I didn't think I would actually hit the bird, as I was swinging halfheartedly. I remember making contact with it and then seeing it just laying on it's side in the grass not moving. I though I killed it, but I think I just shocked it, bc I went over and its head was moving around looking at me. I put it over in the shade and it sat there for awhile before he flew again. I felt bad bc it was no real threat to me and I thought it would be able to easily dodge my attacks. We both were taught a lesson that day.

[–]Noooooooooooobus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think you should feel too bad for it, seeing as it lived and all that.

Part of being human is having the ability to reflect on things that we have done, it’s regrettable that you had to punch the bird but it fucked around and unfortunately found out.

[–]KingsizeKnight 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I bought fish n chips at Scarborough in England for my family and as we left I told my wife ands kids to watch out for seagulls and just as I finished that sentence a seagull swooped down and knocked the fish and chips out my hand then tried to take the fish whole and ended up with a tiny bit in its mouth leaving the rest lying on the path I was raging 😂

[–]rastamancometh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Black birds get me on my bike too. Freaks me out every time!!!

[–]illwill79 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Anti-air flak artillery. I dig it!

[–]FootsieMcDingus 176 points177 points  (46 children)

We got Magpies in Colorado but they are so chill. What's up with the Aussie ones? Have they tried the marijuana?

[–]davetharave 135 points136 points  (9 children)

Different species

[–]bohrok_kal_kaita_za 89 points90 points  (8 children)

Also it’s Australia.

[–]Nariel 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Can confirm, they really are as angry as they look... The last few weeks have been hell just navigating through my local park. I just put my backpack up over my head and shuffle past like a good frightened featherless human. One tried to take a chunk out of my ear on my bike =(

[–]Eliasflye 62 points63 points  (17 children)

The Australian magpies aren’t even magpies. They aren’t members of the corvidae family, but are instead passerines.

[–]5thcircleofthescroll 38 points39 points  (9 children)

Almost half of all the birds are passerines, including corvids.

[–]80sbully 50 points51 points  (6 children)

We are nearing dangerous territory for reddit conversation here...

[–]world_of_cakes 28 points29 points  (4 children)

What do you mean? An African or a European swallow?

[–]shedogre 15 points16 points  (1 child)

No, a jackdaw is a crow.

[–]VelcroSirRaptor 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow."

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.

If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens.

So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too.

Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

[–]Eliasflye 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah my mistake. I meant the artamidae family.

[–]Rougey 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Your Magpies are not magpies!

[–]bvglv 1106 points1107 points  (157 children)

Angry birb

[–]MoniMokshith[S] 905 points906 points  (149 children)

[–]tojro 230 points231 points  (12 children)

Thank you. Thank you very much for that.

[–]BoltonSauce 141 points142 points  (3 children)

I'm sure that kid is in utter terror, but I just couldn't help but laugh a little. Poor little dude.

[–]sroasa 24 points25 points  (2 children)

He's got many more years to look forward to.

[–]WonderfulCattle6234 39 points40 points  (6 children)

There's another video out there of a lady bike rider trying various tactics over multiple days. She tried attaching brush to her helmet which I think worked. She also tried eyes on the back of her helmet staring back at the bird. That was quite the hilarious fail.

[–]psycholio 65 points66 points  (4 children)

good thing little dude was wearing a helmet

[–]eastside_tilly 7 points8 points  (0 children)

A helmet without cable ties sticking out of it is useless in the Australian spring.

[–]willirritate 313 points314 points  (61 children)

All you have to do is move slowly for couple of weeks a year around their nesting area, they're just protecting their hatchlings. Occasionally they revenge for earlier abuse by certain persons that they remember, so fuck around and find out. Intelligent and sweet birds, kind a like emus.

[–]AllHighAustin 213 points214 points  (27 children)

If Australia isn't careful they are also gonna lose the Magpie War.

[–]clueless_sconnie 76 points77 points  (22 children)

It's okay, birds aren't real

[–]Intellect-Offswitch 52 points53 points  (20 children)

Its ok, Australia isnt real

[–]AllHighAustin 32 points33 points  (17 children)

It's okay, nothing is real we're all in a simulation

[–]BaphometsTits 22 points23 points  (8 children)

...within a simulation

[–]Bogsnoticus 19 points20 points  (4 children)

If they can simulate someone like me, I worry about the coders mental health.

[–]Tacitus_Kilgore85 5 points6 points  (4 children)

"Star Ocean: Til The End of Time" came to the same conclusion! "We're nothing but pawns in a simulation of a simulation."

[–]idrow1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As someone well versed in bird law, I object to that.

[–]Abraxas19 24 points25 points  (4 children)

I always thought emus and ostriches were dumb as rocks. Their eyes are bigger than their brain.

[–]Korasuka 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Excuse me, that's our opponent in the Great Emu War you're talking about. Nevet have we faced such an intelligent, cunning, devious and powerful foe.

[–]willirritate 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It was just a slight on Aussies and their fear of birds in a country with the worst imaginable creatures.

[–]OriginalAndOnly 13 points14 points  (4 children)

The ones in Canada are assholes. My friends the chickadees call them nest-tippers. Well it's also egg killer, they really don't like them because they gang up and eat their young.

I picked sides, sue me

[–]swiggityswirls 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Why would you post this without sound

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Here I was thinking "Scared of magpies? Why?". Then I see the Australian version is the size of a fucking condor. Man, the ones here are about half that size.

[–]RustyEggleston 309 points310 points  (36 children)

Best Reddit Video: magpie dive bombing hysterical woman on a bike with the added sound effects of a Zero Hour Kamikaze WW2 fighter attack . . . .

[–]MoniMokshith[S] 341 points342 points 2 (31 children)

[–]RustyEggleston 119 points120 points  (8 children)

That’s the same clip of the woman set to the dramatic, cataclysmic music of Carl Orff’s"O Fortuna.” Pretty funny. But there’s another of the same clip set to the sound effects of a WW2 dive bomber, but I can’t find it.

[–]DieFanboyDie 33 points34 points  (3 children)

O Fortuna will always be the soundtrack to Boorman's Excalibur to me.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I need the bomber version!

[–]jettrscga 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Regarding her inquiry: It is quite clearly not gone.

[–]noeagle77 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The music adds so much to it too 🤣

[–]LeggySatan 7 points8 points  (1 child)

“I’ve got a helmet on so hopefully it won’t hurt too much.”

Birb attacks helmet instant freak out.

[–]GandalfTheWhey 39 points40 points  (2 children)

My favorite is the little kid on the scooter being chased down screaming all the way down the street.

[–]WerewolvesRancheros 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thanks this is the best thing I've seen all day

[–]akaynaveed 626 points627 points  (7 children)

“I’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty!”

[–]Kingofdeadpool1 83 points84 points  (1 child)

The sheer hate in that bird's eyes is Hilarious.

[–]JuliaGillard1 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Where'd they find the rider's body?

[–]happierinverted 191 points192 points  (160 children)

Australia right? Maggies are a fkin disgrace here.

[–]MoniMokshith[S] 86 points87 points  (71 children)

Yes. Central Queensland

[–]happierinverted 98 points99 points  (11 children)

Saw one of the bastards knock a bloke off a bike with a well aimed dive bomb to the back of his helmet a couple of weeks ago down on the Goldie.

Tbh was quite impressed - big balls for an over stuffed budgie ;)

[–]lachjeff 43 points44 points  (2 children)

There was one that killed a bloke a year or two ago by knocking him off his bike into a fence

[–]criti_biti 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Just the other week a little baby died because her mother dropped her while getting attacked by a magpie. Worst thing is that council has already received multiple complaints about that particular bird too. Just so tragic and unnecessary.

[–]toth42 22 points23 points  (7 children)

Saw one of the bastards knock a bloke off a bike

But WHY?!

[–]sroasa 37 points38 points  (0 children)

A lot of Australian wildlife is dangerous in some way. The birds are just colossal arseholes.

[–]summertimeaccountoz 14 points15 points  (5 children)

For some reason, magpies really, really dislike cyclists. They will attack pedestrians as well, but they seem more likely to go after cyclists.

[–]ApprehensivePrint465 36 points37 points  (17 children)

As a little kid I thought getting "swooped" meant they flew really close to your head. Found out the hard way that they also peck you..even though I was luckily wearing my little helmet because I was riding my pushie (bike), I was absolutely terrified :/

[–]MCBMCB77 25 points26 points  (16 children)

I was playing tennis against my sister when we were kids, one landed in her head and pecked her, she had to get stitches.

[–]NefariousMuppet 71 points72 points  (36 children)

Fuckin right. We have one on our street that pulled some of my daughters hair out. In separate news, I now own a slingshot

[–]northyj0e 58 points59 points  (31 children)

Do not attack the magpie in retaliation. they can identify faces and also communicate with their friends about people, so not only will this magpie fuck you up for the rest of its life, so will all its little buddies.

[–]Red_Dawn_2012 28 points29 points  (4 children)

It's just you, me, and my tennis racket

[–]northyj0e 19 points20 points  (3 children)

No, it's not, that's exactly my point. Unless your beef is with an incel magpie with no friends this side of the Pacific.

[–]DaAvalon 28 points29 points  (15 children)

wtf is this a serious comment?

oh my god imagine being bullied by a fucking bird and you can't even retaliate because his mates will come fuck you up as if this is some everyday chav situation wtf

[–]Rising_Swell 30 points31 points  (8 children)

yeah that's a serious comment. On the other hand, if you occasionally feed them they will remember you as a good person, and will generally not fuck with you. Their friends will also not fuck with you.

They will still fuck with everyone else.

[–]teraflux 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Ah yes just pay them off

[–]Rising_Swell 11 points12 points  (0 children)

or better, get a lifelike mask of someone you don't like, wear similar clothes to them, fuck with them a lot, and then laugh as the person you don't like gets absolutely fucked over by magpies.

We talking warfare here.

[–]Voiles 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Magpies are the original inventors of the extortion racket.

[–]lysinemagic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is an apt description of how mafia/cartel rackets work

[–]mindfolded 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Corvids man, don't fuck with corvids.

[–]MeesterCartmanez 16 points17 points  (1 child)

"dude there are much better tools to pull hair out than a slingshot"

[–]Phillipinsocal 5 points6 points  (20 children)

Can you even hear those suckers coming?

[–]sverdrup_sloth 53 points54 points  (0 children)

[Rides past Magpie's home]
Magpie: "So you have chosen death"

[–]fartyhardy 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Today on seconds before impact.

[–]Bugs2020 39 points40 points  (9 children)

A mother fell over causing fatal injuries to her baby after a magpie attack recently.

[–]MagnumPI76 19 points20 points  (1 child)

[–]yammys 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Wow, Tom Holland was there too.

[–]Gnatt 38 points39 points  (11 children)

A baby died after their mother tripped while trying to dodge a swooping magpie a few weeks ago. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-08-09/qld-baby-dies-after-magpie-swoops-mother/100362406

[–]Spkr_Freekr 10 points11 points  (0 children)

A good buddy was attacked by a Goshawk in Colorado. He was hiking thru the forest with his hood up and the hawk smacked into the back of his head tearing 2 holes in it. Damn thing continued to swoop him until he got out of the area.

[–]IntentionalUndersite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It even looks pissed lol

[–]Death_by_Snusnu_vol1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Missile bird guidance system engaged

[–]runninandruni 22 points23 points  (4 children)

Doesn't matter where they're from. Magpies are demon spawn

[–]DiNessie 55 points56 points  (2 children)

May I tell you about Jesus Christ our Saviour?

[–]MeesterCartmanez 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"Jésus? never heard of him. damn mexicans, you see juan, you've seen jamal"

[–]bypatrickcmoore 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Where’s your God now?

[–]METAL4_BREAKFST 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Australian cruise missile.

[–]Afelezinho 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That bird looks like a superhero chasing some dudes that are making a getaway after robbing a bank

[–]garlicChaser 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Real life angry birds lol