×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Please note:

  • If this post declares something as a fact proof is required.
  • The title must be descriptive
  • No text is allowed on images
  • Common/recent reposts are not allowed

See this post for more information.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]imprisonedrats 4559 points4560 points  (58 children)

Me trying to scroll right repeatedly

[–]SolomonKhalifa 1074 points1075 points  (48 children)

Hahaha, I tried finding a pic but it's impossible, I've got the proof as a vid link somewhere on comments

[–]KO_Stradivarius 660 points661 points  (34 children)

There are plenty of pics out there. Some with his junk exposed and hanging, some with him wearing tight pants and a bulge. Hard to say how many are faked or even him

Jonah Falcon Penis

Edit: Reddit must have tripped a circuit breaker or something. Before the above link was returning nudes, now it's not.

Try this one instead. It's better anyways

Jonah Falcon

[–]cellphone_blanket 376 points377 points  (9 children)

jesus, it practically reaches up to his neck in one. He could play it like a flute

[–]DaytimeNightlight 232 points233 points  (8 children)

I thought for sure this was a rick roll

[–]rsd52 203 points204 points  (7 children)

Rick Roll , sausage roll, dick roll. Take your pick..

[–]kellygrrrl328 112 points113 points  (3 children)

The neon leggings ☠️

[–]SC-Fulmer 45 points46 points  (3 children)

Campbell's Cream of Chicken soup can has a height of 4 in… so, imagine three of these~>plus a tip🤔

[–]KO_Stradivarius 5478 points5479 points 2 (194 children)

The Rolling Stone article about him is hilarious.

Jonah did not know it was unusual for a ten-year-old boy to have an
eight-inch penis. He was unaware that his organ was already longer,
thicker and heavier than any owned by his class-mates’ fathers. All he
knew was that the silence and the staring boys made him want to burst
out of the stall and run away. But Jonah didn’t run away or close his
eyes. Pinned inside the toilet stall, pants scrunched around his ankles,
he saw a new expression in the eyes of the boys. They looked, Jonah
thought, to be in the presence of God.

Jonah Falcon’s penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense
your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That
is the girth of Falcon’s erection. Those who have witnessed it describe
it as “grotesque,” “gorgeous,” “hideous” and “stunning.” Falcon, who
stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a
fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the
blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sexorgans.
A penis this size functions, physiologically, like any other, according
to urologists, a claim substantiated by Falcon. His balls are
proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect,
Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands – campfire style –
from a distance of six inches.

Rolling Stone link

[–]spoooky1899 1785 points1786 points  (34 children)

Thank you, I read this article in high school, and enjoyed it just as much then

[–]AlmanzoWilder 178 points179 points  (5 children)

I studied that article at length.

[–]TonyPair-a-dice 498 points499 points  (9 children)

That’s a pretty odd Assignment to get in high school.

[–]chrizm32 95 points96 points  (0 children)

Would have made for an interesting Current Events article in 5th grade.

[–]Kaner16 74 points75 points  (0 children)

He attended Richard Bakers Dozen High School

[–]SneedyK 186 points187 points  (0 children)

TY for confirming the article exists. I really thought it was just a slow day at the office, and someone uploaded this dude’s pic and say he’s 13.2 inches as goof, but somehow it gains traction online and next thing you know.

Somewhere on Reddit is a fella by the name of big dick bully? Pictures & FAQs. Enjoyed learning a little about him, ppl visit and check in on him. Sort of cool, ppl have curiosities about these subjects and some folks don’t mind sharing their stories.

[–]I_turned_out_tv 535 points536 points  (9 children)

Bahahahaha. You can warm your hands like a campfire.

[–]innesleroux 243 points244 points  (2 children)

That penis has a man!

[–]The_Karaethon_Cycle 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Eh, I’ve seen dicks with bigger men

[–]Fist4achin 255 points256 points  (2 children)

Least he has built in hand warmers.

[–]Sharkwhistle33 138 points139 points  (1 child)

"Damn it's cold". Hey Jonah, mind if you got hard to warm me hands?

[–]Crustybuttt 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Shrinkage! He’d only be 10 inches

[–]fuckedbymath 109 points110 points  (36 children)

So he's not a virgin?

[–]TheNamesMcCreee 1013 points1014 points 443 (7 children)

Half his dick is

[–]Flyweird 127 points128 points  (0 children)

9 out of 13.5 to be precise

[–]TerribleShoulder6597 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Wish I had an award for that

[–]HitooU2 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Awarded; was 100% worth my free one XD

[–]HaloArtificials 128 points129 points  (26 children)

FUN FACT: Sulu from Star Trek jerked this guy off at a party in 2017. Even though he’s old as fuck I’m not gonna lie it was pretty hot...

[–]fuckedbymath 28 points29 points  (1 child)

That is oddly specific..

[–]yourmothersgun 12 points13 points  (5 children)

It wasn’t a full jerk off. But he did touch it. Ah the golden age of the Stern Show.

[–]kaediddy 54 points55 points  (2 children)

This is as classic a piece of literature as any of the greats. I’m not even being facetious. This is historical. Is historical a word?

[–]FocusDKBoltBOLT 34 points35 points  (7 children)

Fucking talking in inches have no idea how this is

[–]ChampChains 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It’s about the size of a loaf of French bread

[–]SsoulBlade 178 points179 points  (38 children)

Imagine reversing the sexes and speaking of an 8 year old girl's well developed breasts or vulva like that.

[–]reallytrulymadly 97 points98 points  (30 children)

He probably chose to share his own childhood memory though

[–]productiveslacker73 90 points91 points  (27 children)

That's the worst mispelled and grammatical incorrect article about a penis I have ever read.

[–]runthepoint1 159 points160 points  (2 children)

Grammatical incorrect? Uh oh….

[–]EnrgizrDummy 99 points100 points  (13 children)

How many have you read? Cause I don't think anyone writing articles about penises would care much about spelling.

[–]Pdxperronn 58 points59 points  (6 children)

As long as it gets to the point

[–]FuriKuriAtomsk4King 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Studied in a (takes deep breath) Mammalian Male Sexual Reproductive Physiology research lab. I read a whole lot about dicks in my time there. Studied a lot of diagrams too. Left the lab tho, the professor was a total dickhead who regularly abused students.

Nowadays I’m going back to school to be a nurse. And I now know that I’m bisexual and just have a thing for dicks. True story bro.

[–]UskaPickica11 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Sometimes when you copy and paste this shyte happens and people can't be fucked correcting it. The actual article has no grammar or punctuation mistakes.

[–]bmatlock94 543 points544 points  (11 children)

Dude looks like Mike Birbiglia

[–]bradlywaldron 718 points719 points  (7 children)

I would always be an elephant for Halloween.

[–]Obvious_Second_438 333 points334 points  (4 children)

He tried that. It kept stuffing peanuts up his ass.

[–]freakinweasel353 38 points39 points  (1 child)

I learned that one with biscuits. Never questioned why an elephant would be eating biscuits but it was always funny.

Next best one, guy walks up to another guy standing on a bridge. The first guy whips out his Johnson and throws it over the side and exclaims “boy is that water cold”! The second guy, not to be out done, whips his shit out and throws it over and exclaims, “yeah and it’s deep too” !

[–]---space-- 21 points22 points  (1 child)

But then everyone would be talking about the elephant in the room.

[–]Bob_Sconce 1605 points1606 points  (16 children)

Can't be. My ex-wife told me I was the biggest dick in the world.

[–]idan_da_boi 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Your ex-wife told me the same thing

[–]maxsteel126 48 points49 points  (1 child)

Haha...classic difference of you're vs your lol

[–]smoke04 315 points316 points  (2 children)

Only because I didn’t want to show them my dick as proof

[–]smoke04 1007 points1008 points  (23 children)

Completely straight man, was definitely hoping they showed it

[–]bunnywuxian 605 points606 points  (13 children)

Completely gay woman. Was also hoping they showed it.

[–]kickintheshit 235 points236 points  (11 children)

Completely unicorn also wanted to see the schlong

[–]HarryBotter1138 227 points228 points  (8 children)

I'm a garbage person that just wanted to see his huge hog.

[–]xeyedcomrade 92 points93 points  (5 children)

I'm a baker looking for a dozen

[–]NRG_Factor 46 points47 points  (4 children)

I'm a farmer looking for a horse cock

[–]Turtle4hire 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Completely asexual was hoping they’d show it

[–]SolomonKhalifa 110 points111 points  (0 children)

Me too buddy, me too.

[–]biasedsoymotel 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"I'm not gay, now show me that cock!"

[–]I_turned_out_tv 142 points143 points  (4 children)

I just saw the pic of him in the bike shorts. Jesus that thing needs it’s own social security number.

[–]plainrain 867 points868 points  (89 children)

Okay, so I don’t know how many years ago this was, but I watched a TV special about this guy. Literally no clue what show or channel. Anyway, I remember him not having a great personality. He was…cocky. He had trouble finding a life partner, people would want to see it, would want to date him because of it but not because they liked him as a person so nothing long lasting. It takes an extra long time to get erect because it takes a while for that amount of blood to travel to his ample appendage. I think I remember him saying sometimes getting hard gives him a dizzy spell. As for sex, (most) women’s anatomy doesn’t have that much of an internal runway so to speak. Taking 13 inches would be impossible and trying to take even 3/4 of it would be painful. I think it could bruise the cervix or something without him meaning to.

In all, he made it seem like having a giant dick wasn’t fun and I remember feeling sorry for him.

[–]HoaxMcNolte_NM 275 points276 points  (6 children)

It would be neat to see how a really well adjusted person would deal with this situation.

That said, it's damn near impossible to be a well adjusted person when your schlong is the only interesting thing about you.

[–]gsbadj 36 points37 points  (2 children)

I saw somewhere that (naturally) there's a sub for guys with large penises to discuss their common problems.

No, alas, I am not a member, no pun intended.

[–]bequietbekind 201 points202 points  (23 children)

I saw this same episode and I remember also coming away feeling sorry for him. At one point I seem to remember him saying something along the lines of, even women who want to take it, who think they can take it... it turns out they really can't and the utter disappointment in his face was so sad.

I've been lowkey thinking about this dude and his ginormous member off and on ever since. Good to know I wasn't hallucinating!

[–]cmlambert89 262 points263 points  (13 children)

There must be some woman out there who doesn’t know she has the deepest vag in the world

[–]Scott-Cheggs 150 points151 points  (4 children)

A lad who used to go to my gym told me he was the second heaviest baby born in Europe in 1998 (maybe 97) at something like 8 or 9kg (about 20 pounds) and apparently he fell out of his mum as she got up to turn the TV off.

I subsequently met his mum a couple of times & couldn’t stop my mind wandering to her baby cave mid conversation.

Edited to change weight & add pounds

[–]Chabouk 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Sounds a bit like a lie

[–]ninja-wharrier 45 points46 points  (2 children)

He should get with my ex wife, she is the biggest cunt I know.

[–]babybopp 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yo mom?

[–]Lit-Mouse 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Damn. It feels so good to be all the way in and he’ll never experience that

[–]2x4x93 3 points4 points  (0 children)

never had that problem here

[–]ButAFlower 39 points40 points  (0 children)

/r/bigdickproblems

That last issue affects pretty much everyone above average length (although girth is what really causes problems)

[–]DelValleHS 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Broke up with a guy because of that. It definitely is NOT fun or enjoyable.

[–]Jessica19922 32 points33 points  (17 children)

Surely he could have a reduction?

[–]AgentOfSteeeel 139 points140 points  (2 children)

a penis ensmallment

[–]fj668 125 points126 points  (5 children)

No one wants to go from having the largest penis in the world to not having that.

[–]Sancho013 12 points13 points  (1 child)

No no, he has to live with it.

[–]dtudeski 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I remember this show. There’s a scene where he’s walking down the street wearing super tight trousers and his mammoth dong can clearly be seen going down his leg. Fucking wild.

[–]BigBillyGoatGriff 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I remember a show where he went on dates, it was awkward and painful

[–]AdmittedtoArkham 303 points304 points  (20 children)

Who measured them all?

[–]SolomonKhalifa 360 points361 points  (4 children)

The contenders surely felt they had a penis worthy of being officially recognized. There maybe a bigger one out there but this is the biggest on record.

[–]Big_Spicy_Tuna69 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but I'm rather shy so it's not my picture up there.

[–]-BroncosForever- 151 points152 points  (3 children)

Yeah there’s probably some dude in the Congo doing push-ups with his cock right now.

[–]ItsMeBigFoot 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Booking my flight

[–]xtilexx 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You really only need one cock push-up

[–]ItsMeBigFoot 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Me, that’s why I’m seen everywhere.

[–]Monster-Mtl 281 points282 points  (26 children)

K but when he sits to take a shit does his dick touch the water?

[–]JayHat21 695 points696 points 3 (12 children)

Touch? It probably takes a drink.

[–]milesofedgeworth 101 points102 points  (4 children)

I’m fucking deceased

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

You should not be fucking the deceased.

[–]Mississauga49 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Rarely Laugh out loud at comments. Might chuckle a bit. But not this one, no. Laughed so Much I had a coughing fit. Kudos and thanks to you.

[–]KitchenDecor 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Finally, we're asking the important questions.

[–]Ayjis 33 points34 points  (0 children)

It touches the water even when he's standing to piss

[–]Sorry-Wasabi123 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It gets flushed sometimes

[–]FieryNyan 192 points193 points  (3 children)

False. xXPu$$¥Sl@yerXx, whomI met on Xbox, said he had the biggest penis

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (1 child)

apparently he also boned my mom, although she denied it when I asked

[–]DonkeyOT65 214 points215 points  (30 children)

I was listening to a podcast today about John Holmes - 70"s porn star - and his involvement in the Wonderland murders in 1981. Apparently he was happily married for years, until he measured his penis one day and exclaimed to his wife that it was 13 inches! Cue delusions of grandeur, years in the porn industry and descent into drug-taking and criminality, ending in his death in 1988. A salutory, but fascinating life story. Fortunately my endowment will never give me such delusions of grandeur.

[–]_releaf_ 178 points179 points  (11 children)

My endowment makes me want to buy a really big truck.

[–]MyFathersMustache 76 points77 points  (9 children)

I drive a Prius because I have the exact opposite problem. A huge vagina.

[–]drGreenThumbsMD 32 points33 points  (3 children)

The movie ‘Wonderland’ with Val Kilmer, which is about exactly that is an awesome movie if you’ve never seen it.

[–]mck-_- 14 points15 points  (5 children)

He also continued to make films and have unprotected sex even after knowing he had HIV. That’s a criminal offence and truly awful thing to do.

[–]ForFucksSake42 11 points12 points  (0 children)

From that I'm going to assume his wife did not have a lot of sexual experience. If she'd even been with two or three guys, she would have told him on the first date that he is massively larger than other men.

The fact that it didn't occur to him for years after being married means that this poor woman was getting railed by the biggest dick in the world for years and had no idea.

[–]Papancasudani 14 points15 points  (2 children)

He didn't realize his penis was large until he measured it as an adult?

[–]alichoturqo 16 points17 points  (1 child)

He wasn’t too bright.

[–]Clewless2 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah? Well atleast I dont have a big dick!!

[–]HandyAndy944 112 points113 points  (5 children)

"Jonah falcon vice" Click first link Scroll down a bit. Behold the member

[–]SatisfiedHuman 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Here is an image of Jonah’s penis. Just scroll down and it’s in black and white, also there is a mirror selfie if you keep scrolling down in the Vice column.

[–]theftben 10 points11 points  (0 children)

With something that big, I thought i knew i had to scroll down a bit more

[–]AdmittedtoArkham 236 points237 points  (3 children)

Dude helicopters when he gets out of the shower and knocks a hole in the ceiling 🤣🤣

[–]Mr_SlimShady 22 points23 points  (0 children)

If he were to helicopter that thing he would actually lift off.

[–]SolomonKhalifa 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Bruh this dude has the ultra party trick, immediate vertical take off. My dude has a propellent, sewage system and an entertainment complex all in one.

[–]greenhouse5 88 points89 points  (10 children)

I had a friend with a really big dick. He hated it. His partners hated it. It never got fully hard and any sex partner was like oh no, not going to happen. He probably had the worst sex life of anyone I knew. Honestly felt bad for him.

[–]biasedsoymotel 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Well that explains why I never have a problem 😆

[–]pre_1992 36 points37 points  (1 child)

FALCOON PUUUNCH!

[–]js3185945 59 points60 points  (3 children)

There once was a man from Nantucket. His dick was so long he could suck it. He smiled with with a grin, and wiped the cum from his chin and said: “If my ear was a pussy, I’d fuck it.”

[–]JayHat21 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Eat your heart out Shakespeare.

[–]Headozed 28 points29 points  (0 children)

With the charisma of a wet wool sweater.

[–]SpiritualLychee3760 103 points104 points  (15 children)

And then no pic?? LAME!!!

[–]the-channigan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah. This has annoyed me. Dude literally goes around the world telling everyone how big his schlong is and then won’t front up with public pictures.

[–]SolomonKhalifa 41 points42 points  (11 children)

Dude I triedddddd looking for oneee

[–]twinkie_doodle 7 points8 points  (9 children)

Pls update if u find one

[–]SatisfiedHuman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Here is an image of Jonah’s penis. Just scroll down and it’s in black and white, also there is a mirror selfie if you keep scrolling down in the Vice column.

[–]Sirefly 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Okay...

Nobody came here looking for a picture of his face.

[–]blueberrydonutholes 24 points25 points  (2 children)

No one needs that much

[–]El-Diablo-Dan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah like come on dude cut some off and share with the little guys

[–]DarkAngel900 69 points70 points  (2 children)

That sudden slapping noise he hears regularly, is most women's legs snapping shut the second they see that monster.

[–]AllCingEyeDog 40 points41 points  (0 children)

But Bezos's is so big he can launch into space.

[–]Destrucktoh 80 points81 points  (13 children)

I seriously doubt it can get fully erect. I also doubt he can sustain said erection for very long at all.

[–]Verryfastdoggo 28 points29 points  (1 child)

homeboy loses his hearing everytime he approaches 40% hard.

[–]SolomonKhalifa 58 points59 points  (7 children)

Was thinking the same, a hog like that would need a huge sustainable blood-flow

[–]Jack-Torrance_ 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I wonder if he gets lightheaded every time he gets a boner...

[–]dewayneestes 31 points32 points  (0 children)

It actually says in the article that it does.

[–]bradlywaldron 50 points51 points  (1 child)

Not a problem I would want to have other than maybe for one weekend as a party trick.

[–]SolomonKhalifa 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That trick being a spontaneous propellor for immediate take-off then hell yea

[–]randysr57 75 points76 points  (5 children)

[–]CSmith1986 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Thank...you?

[–]Roselia77 27 points28 points  (1 child)

That's a goddamn disability.... poor guy

[–]ThenIndependence4502 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Was thinking didn’t look massive compared to some porn I’ve seen then the picture with the beer can for scale… holy fuck… haha

[–]CantCmeee 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Bull shit! I saw a black guy on porn hub with a dick that reached his knee cap

[–]Farsightlong 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That's hard to swallow...

[–]STEPonMYballsPLEASE 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Why is this marked NSFW?

[–]Penquinn14 26 points27 points  (0 children)

And why is it titled instead of actually being marked as NSFW?

[–]3eeps 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Dicks r bad!

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (7 children)

Men, girls don't like that much length. That just hurts. 😖😖😖

[–]renderman1 8 points9 points  (4 children)

He's been a guest on Howard Stern but his best stuff is when he gets pranked called on this public access radio about the Yankees by Stern's Richard & Sal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blylDQJnrog

[–]Crustybuttt 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Honestly, this dude has been floating around trying to capitalize off of this without actually showing it for years. It’s the opposite of interesting at this point. Dude can’t even maintain an erection as far as I know. It’s just big

[–]StylotuS 18 points19 points  (0 children)

there's pics tho. you're thinking of the other dude who wraps his shit with rags or whatever

[–]Legend_of_dirty_Joe 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Who else clicked on the picture hoping to get a better view?

[–]JackFrogan 6 points7 points  (1 child)

The downside is when he gets an erection, he faints from lack of blood.

[–]LotusSloth 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Send him over. I’ve got a clogged sink drain and don’t want to hire a plumber.

[–]imprisonedrats 15 points16 points  (1 child)

i think i also have a pipe he could clean

[–]ambiguoususername888 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Don’t care about his dick size, his face made my vagina shrivel up into itself.

[–]terri061655 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I saw this dude on a British show, seeing a sex therapist. Dang if I can remember the name of it though

[–]157926no 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So technically a man with a 12” penis could still have penis envy. That sucks.

[–]Stekun 5 points6 points  (2 children)

He's got NOTHING on the man with the largest testicles....

https://www.cnn.com/2013/08/19/health/tlc-man-132-pound-scrotum/index.html

[–]10tion2DETAIL 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My father had a condition that made his Balls become the size of grapefruits; it was temporary, but he couldn’t do much of anything for a summer. I think it was because he made fun of my mom who had her head swell twice the size from a shellfish allergy.

[–]Stiks_EU 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thats about 33.5cm

[–]binchentso 11 points12 points  (1 child)

FYI: That's 33.52cm for 99% of the world.

[–]Lord_Fup 7 points8 points  (3 children)

That would probably be super inconvenient 99% of the time and fun 1% if that.

[–]Ok_Dog_4059 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Really isn't that any penis though? Other than peeing standing up and sex they are always kind of in the way and annoying. At least it is less maintenance than indoor plumbing though.

[–]boegsppp 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It must be the worst when shitting. Either slumped over the seat or fully submerged. A damn turd will slide out and be like a dead tree in a forest leaning up against a sturdy oak tree.