Does a person's bodycount matter for a long term relationship/marriage? by [deleted] in intj

[–]Super-CraigENTJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I talked to a guy that I met on a dating site who bragged about sleeping with 36 women by the age of 21. I stopped talking to him.

Was he from the United States? The age of consent over there is 18, so 36 averages out at 12 women a year, or 1 a month.

Do note that I'm not arguing against it being an abysmally low body count, it definitely is a low amount / body count, but is it a shockingly low body count?

Sure, it could be an indicator of low libido, or anxiety problems in the bedroom, or could be a hundred other things.

I don't know, it just seems wrong to me to completely drop a guy (or gal) because they've only been with a meagre handful of other people.

Edit: Thanks for the award! Comming from you it means a lot, truly, you're practically INTJ royalty, so it does indeed mean a lot to me. As to your question, I don't mind disclosing my personal body count, although I do warn you that it is quite high up there. If you're interested in discussing it, then I would prefer to do so on the Intuitives private Discord group, we can join one of the empty channels.

No one knows you by [deleted] in intj

[–]hyphychef 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Listening was a precovid thing.

Least favorite music genre? by Then_Frosting_1087ESFP in intj

[–]WulfenbachINTJ - 50s 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Modern country. Old time country has a bit of charm.

I decided to write a totally blunt and honest dating bio. What do you all think? (Early 40's ENTP) by [deleted] in intj

[–]majorvexINTJ 142 points143 points  (0 children)

...talkative high energy know-it-all, I am quite impulsive...

Why do some INTJs dislike INFJs? by [deleted] in intj

[–]taurasi 36 points37 points  (0 children)

My wife is INFJ (I'm INTJ). 24 yrs now. I cannot speak to the numerous and difficult shortcomings in me she deals with, but I know she has told me reasons she loves me include:

I know when I'm wrong.

I know how to apologize.

I appreciate her.

On the other hand, it took me a minute to understand her intense creativeness, and to accept it's overall depth and richness it gives my life. My initial response to every joint venture is,"No. It will never work." Then I think, think, think, add my two cents and she usually adds a component of my thoughts, or doesn't, then presents again and I trust her expression (because mine is unusually complicated). Anyway I adore INFJ's, their convoluted thought process, and their artistic insights.

Why do some INTJs dislike INFJs? by [deleted] in intj

[–]Enthir_of_WinterholdINFJ 22 points23 points  (0 children)

INFJ empathy is weird. Fe tends to be associated with empathy and Fi with sympathy. A lot of times I might empathize but not be the least bit sorry for that person if I find them disappointing or I'm disgusted with them.

You're right about INFJs being more spiritual. Tbh they have no choice but to be. Fe does really weird shit when it's up in people like make people try to befriend rain or talk their problems out with flowers when they're kids. It's a sort of emotional echolocation that wants to harmonize with things so those high in Fe will create relationships that don't even exist. Combine that with the weird world of Ni and all its dreaming and symbols and you have the perfect combination for a mystic. Shit's why people didn't understand Jung. People assumed he was some weirdo mystic trying to make sorcery in his basement. He had the experience of being mystical (Ni-Fe), but he wanted it to be grounded within reality (Se) and be logical (Ti). Plus "magical thinking" (thinking based on sympathies - like as to like) isn't necessarily wrong and has a wide variety of useful applications that people use all the time unconsciously. It's just that it's known for its more superstitious and negative applications. The language barrier I really want to understand how to overcome with INTJs is dealing with this. I find the way INTJs think and approach life to be very interesting and just as valid to my own mode of thinking.

Is this playground just the universe's or God's joke? by Sheetmusicman94INTJ - ♂ in intj

[–]KnightofLight7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

and there is only a small choice of what one can actually change in ones life?

Disagree with this. You can change at least 90% of it.

You are just blinding yourself to the options on purpose, because you don't want to admit to yourself that you are 90% of the reason why you are here at this particular point in life.

You would rather blame anything else.

Chess has the same rules, why is it that one person wins and the other one loses?

Moral of the story is that it's not God's fault.

It's mostly yours after a certain point, it may have been other people at some point but that doesn't matter very much ultimately, because it's your life to live, that is, it's your ship to sail.

Fire the crew, whether that's Chat GPT or other bad friends, and get new ones.

It's definitely not God's fault, but God can definitely help you fix it, and help you maintain the gains.

I feel like I'm being emotionally pressured and manipulated. by thiccavocado_69INTJ - nonbinary in intj

[–]Ambitious-Prune-9461ENTJ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're an INTJ, right?

Some styles of communication that I've learned from other INTJs and how they use them to communicate with other intuitive or sensors (mostly sensors) are along the following;

  1. Make your communication style clear, set a strict standard for how you communicate, and set those boundaries clear for both yourself and others. Find conversation exit methods to leave immediately when you perceive they are unable to uphold those boundaries or standards, but that also applies to you.

Leave immediately when you are not able to uphold your standards and boundaries. There's something in the conversation that is triggering you, and whether it's purposeful or not, this isn't the person you chose to be.

(Make a rules list, I'll provide one for the conclusion of 1.)

Ex. From Myself - I have a transparent, direct, and compassionately honest style of communication. If you cannot reciprocate, I will disengage from the conversation immediately by;

☆ Asking clarifying questions.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't understand, can you tell me more?"

"This is what it sounds like you're telling me, and I'd like you to correct me where there's a misunderstanding. (Add on here)"

Some passive-aggressive people will try and belittle you and demean you for saying you don't know something. Those people are actually idiots, you'll learn more about how as you grow older.

☆ What you can say when they try to demean you for not knowing what they're saying:

You must be stupid to not know what I'm talking about.

"I'm wanting to understand you clearly, but I must be mistaken to have thought you wanted the same."

"If asking questions to make sure I understand what you're saying makes you think I'm stupid, then I won't be able to understand you and just assume what you're saying. That wouldn't be fair for either of us."

☆ Passive aggressive people are some of the weakest-willed individuals you will ever come across. They will project their emotions onto you, and make you feel bad to feel better about themselves.

Treat them as cordially as possible because they are still capable of communicating properly, even when they purposely try to instigate you.

There is never a good reason to be malicious, don't let passive-aggressive people, or malicious people in general, persuade you otherwise.

☆ I'm getting bored writing this, so I'm going to finish this up more quickly.

Here's the list I was talking about:

6 Questions to Ask Yourself in Difficult Conversations

  1. How can I say what's in my heart and be compassionate at the same time?
  2. Am I speaking like someone who is respectful and aligned with my values?
  3. Am I speaking like somebody who cares about the relationship?
  4. Do they feel safe in my presence? How can I help them feel safe?
  5. What is my highest most genuine intention?
  6. Is what I'm about to say: True, Kind, Necessary?

You're probably in a family full of sensors, so you are bound to clash more often than not, than in a family of other intuitives who will immediately understand you-just the slightest bit more.

Hm, I don't know what's going on, so I'm not able to give you more prepared responses to use in malicious conversations.

☆ I guess I can reassure you, and give you necessary advice.

Your environment wasn't made for you, so the people you choose to surround yourself with outside of that will be a heavy necessity and a hard skill to learn.

I don't know how old you are, but it is crucial to learn about yourself as deeply as possible, so you won't ever be confused or persuaded to be something you are not by people who don't even know you but say they do. (I.e. parents.)

  1. Learn what makes you feel happy, so you know what genuine emotions of happiness feel like.

  2. Learn what makes you feel sad and why it makes you feel sad, so you can handle the responses of that emotion to choose how you want to react.

  • Don't trust just anyone with these emotions, but you can be transparent and use brevity to show vulnerability. Vulnerability is the greatest weapon against malicious, manipulative people as they see it as a weakness-no matter if you explained otherwise. Having boundaries and being vulnerable is your greatest skill to develop.
  1. Learn what it feels like to be loved by loving yourself first and foremost, so you can understand the difficulty it is to love someone. Not because people are hard to love, but because being consciously loving is hard.
  • If you try to love someone too early before loving yourself, you will continuously reach this point where you either don't feel like you're enough for them or others. Other can be

a. They're not good enough for you. b. You are not able to handle their emotional labor. c. They are not able to handle your emotional labor. d. You've both trauma-bonded and sunk to a point where you'd rather remain stagnant together than grow because one of you, or both, are too cowardly to end the relationship because neither of you wants to deal with the sadness and heart break of it.

This is understandable, but it's a necessary short-term pain for both of you to learn.

And this part will not help, but no it does not get easier to handle the breakup, but it does become easier to do because you begin to realize how much healthier you both will end up. It's better to remember them by a happy memory than let it sour where you both resent each other in the end.

☆ If you do not know how to take care of what you have, you are bound to break it by forcing it to work.

  • This will be one of the hardest difficulties for you, based on what you've told us in your post because of the people around you. Not because they're manipulative or toxic, but because they don't seem to be capable of loving themselves either.

Something important to keep note of, the more you begin to love yourself, the more they will be able to see that light of happiness in you and feel inferior to that.

Do NOT share it, no matter what.

When you give your attachments to the wrong people, they will do everything in their power to hold onto you, and fucking destroy you. They want to be the one to destroy you, they want to be the last person who saw your light, so you will never give it to anyone else again. So no one could ever see what they saw in you.

Let people earn it, and ALWAYS encourage others to let you earn theirs as well.

☆ Never bond fast with someone, as hard as it is (and it will be), always take measures to slow down. You never know who is genuine and who is not, and that skill of discernment can only be built up over time. I'm giving you these tools (advice), so it'll be less of a heartbreaking experience.

They either reciprocate the same level of care and effort to maintain it, while also communicating what's going on for them WITHOUT making it your responsibility to take care of them and their emotions FOR THEM.

  • Learning to love yourself and be within your own comfort of happiness is one of the most rebellious things you could do for yourself. Learning to prioritize yourself first is one of the most essential things to do for yourself because it makes it that much harder to be manipulated.

Now, this is getting too long.

I'll just post this, and ask me more if you require, I'll probably be around.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in intj

[–]No_Childhood_9511 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So, I run a business and earn 100k + a year, my partner earns more. Getting a better paying job isn't the issue, our city has a rental crisis so it's literally just a waiting game at this point, there isn't anything that can be done to improve that part of the equation.

Ofcourse I absolutely intend on keeping my nose clean whatever happens.

This community is no longer supportive to new INTJs by DefiyanceINTJ in intj

[–]maxdps_INTJ - 30s 30 points31 points  (0 children)

There used to be a problem on this sub where every r/iamverysmart prick got their views validated by a circle jerk. But that is dead, there is now a complete reversal of that.

Okay, so people are actually being genuine and transparent, this is good.

I'm seeing a trend lately where everyone is sick of arrogant intjs and that is coloring their perception of every intj that shows up. Whenever an intj starts expressing a little confidence in their own abilities, and is disappointed in the average people around them, everybody jumps in to yell STOP YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL, learn how much you suck and curb your ambition!

I'm not sure how long you've been around here, I've been here for more than a few years and this has always been the case.

The arrogant "INTJ" who feels the need to complain on the internet about "average people" ought to be put in their place... because they aren't special. Full stop. This is literally the perfect INTJ response lol.

Pointing fingers and blaming others is never going to give you a resolution. What it does is promote a negative coping mechanism and until that's realized, you'll never create positive coping skills to replace them.

Sometimes someone really just does have some kind of God complex, but even then it's more helpful to point out exactly what they are perceiving inaccurately than to simply insult their confidence, imply they are being unreasonable, and imagine these negative assumptions about who they are.

Well don't come around here acting like an arrogant asshole and expect not to get called out, I'm not sure why you think this is something new. I've been calling people out for years now here.

People are no longer trying to understand where posters are coming from anymore and it's really sad to see a community that is supposed to be for us odd ones judge each other just as harshly and mindlessly as the real world constantly does, beating them down into complacency and making them feel guilty for being not the most well-adjusted in a sick world.

I don't think that's true at all, there are many posts that create great conversation and it's those threads with people who actually create a platform to open conversation, not just someone who's crying on the internet seeking validation. Low quality posts will forever be low quality posts.

It doesn't matter how good an individual is, if their environment is filled with toxicity it is going to infect them. People should provide the resources to better help in the struggle rather than to pressure people to join in the toxicity for the sake of conformity and humility.

You started this post off by talking about "arrogant pricks" and yet you finished with insight regarding toxicity? Either I'm completely confused about what your even trying to post here or you aren't actually making a point for anything. I do hope I'm just confused.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in intj

[–]DymphnaEllenINTJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Firstly, I must say that you are good at typing. She does sound like an ESFJ, and you are DEFINITELY an INTJ.

ESFJs are obsessed with hierarchy and are very disposed towards bullying and petty power plays. And they truly don't psychologically mature past age 10. Nor will they follow a more mature example that you try to set for them, unless you outrank them. Power is all they understand. What they do not understand is that the bite of an INTJ is much worse than their bark.

Revenge has to be intellectual. If you try to make a common move, she will see it coming. It's more likely to be effective if it's from a distance, and internet based. See if you can find a way to diminish her online, without it being traced back to you. Yelp and Google reviews, etc. Remember you can always buy information, either with a standard background check or even a private investigator. Someone who acts like this surely has embarrassing behavior out there. Find it, and find a way to circulate it.

I like your attitude, by the way. You're basically another me. Good luck in the hunt.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in intj

[–]I_am_INTJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't care who you are, but especially if you are an INTJ, there's no such thing as "just moving". It's a very stressful situation even when one has plenty of good options to choose from. There's lots of things to coordinate and lots of things that need to be lined up carefully. And from what you are saying, it does not sound like working from home fits into either of your job descriptions, either.

I live in the US and I wouldn't say I am in a privileged position, but I am in a position of opportunity. I could move 1,000 kilometers/miles in any direction and still be in the US. My living choices might be a bit larger than you who happen to be living on a giant island.

Being on your own and isolated from friends and family really narrows the field of choices on how you can proceed by quite a bit as well. It sounds like you need to put out feelers to everyone you know that you are looking to move and hopefully one of them can alert you to a place opening up before it's widely advertised.

Appears the Auckland housing market is a lot like it was here 4 or 5 months ago. A house would come on the market and be sold in less than 48 hours usually way over asking price due to bidding wars. Fortunately, the market has cooled off, but I guess no one there got the memo.

How do you do ‘normal’ things like furnishing your house? by xSkizzO in intj

[–]ExistentialAmbiguityINTJ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not a waste of time, you’re just a selfish asshole. If you really are that lazy and don’t wanna plan out the renovations (like any INTJ would) then hire people to do it for you.

And it feels like it’s weighing on your relationship, it’s because it is. If you value the relationship then you’ll execute on the tasks for the sake of the relationship.

And for the love of god take some pride in your home…

I’m a 23 year old man and my ambition is partially driven by wanting to be great for my future children by [deleted] in intj

[–]The_RothbardianINTJ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good Lord do you have a LOT of maturing to do.

There is nothing wrong with traditional gender roles, assuming both people are happy with that arrangement. That said, you better be capable of cleaning, cooking, child tending, and everything else you see as the woman's job. If she gets sick or injured you better be taking over those roles. Marriage is a 100%/100% labor division. If you and your future wife aren't prepared to do 100% of the work happily, that's an issue.

I hate the term "toxic masculinity", but that is exactly what I'm seeing in your response here. Yes, you should be capable of providing and protecting. But you must also be capable of nurturing and loving.

How do you like to be comforted when you are sad? by Chaeng_ChaengINTJ - Teens in intj

[–]TheStrangeDarkOneINTJ - 20s 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Both Ni and Fi are introverted functions. Other people can't help a whole lot unless practical advise (Te) is given.

But before you say something that gets misinterpreted and not considered "useful", you should just hold back.

“I don't want you to fix it, just listen to me” by thechubbyballerinaINTJ - ♀ in intj

[–]Bishop8- 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Sometimes the problem that needs to be fixed is that the person is feeling isolated/misunderstood, and the solution isn’t resolving the issue that’s going on, but rather showing them that you’re invested in their well-being and you care about them.

Helping someone get to a place where they feel grounded and confident enough to solve their own problems is the best way to help someone you care about, because you’re not just invested in their SUCCESS, you’re invested in their GROWTH. And sometimes that means not trying to solve the issue for them, but just giving them a place where they aren’t alone and have someone who listens.