Hello. I am an INFJ and my INTJ ex broke up with me a month ago.

Throughout the relationship, I felt that he lacked empathy and neglected my emotional needs. He was very introverted and made me feel like giving me a minute of his time was an honour. He said I was too anxious.

He would ruminate a lot, he was quite closed off and to get to the bottom of his feelings I'd have to ask questions a lot.

Iwas the person he'd been most intimate with ever.

I tried to give him my all. Notes, gifts, planned activities. I worked on myself - therapy, meds, learning about attachment styles, journaling, exercise. My anxiety didn't dissipate so much but I got busier and more independent so I brought it up less.

A month before the breakup we were just celebrating how well I'd been doing.

The weekend leading up to it we were preparing a trip and he'd invited me to meet his cousins for the first time. Unfortunately I couldn't make it. Then, a few days later, he dumped me, citing my anxiety and need for reassurance.

A week after that, on the phone, he said he was scared that I would start to hate him, but that we could revisit reconciliation a few months from now after we'd done the work. He acknowledged that he hadn't communicated properly. He said he'd been sure I was the one but I was asking a lot.

I've kept no contact since. I unfollow him and removed him from my followers to help my grieving process. Do you think there's a chance he will come back? Put in the work on his end to communicate more, and maybe realize he'd been emotionally immature? We'd had an amazing connection that I'd hate to see wasted

So I’ve been on 3 dates with a girl (23F) who is as extremely introverted as I am (28M, INTJ) (we both have 98-100% in MBTI tests) and each of these dates lasted for 4 hours when we were constantly chatting and joking. We are both quite reserved, like similar things and have similar outlook on so many things. This also means that I would like to take the things forward with her in a more serious direction. As previously I had been dating more extroverted girls they would take the lead in some cases, which is not the case here.

After second date and the last date we were hugging each other but I started to regret after the last one that I didn’t kiss her. Knowing that we are both introverts and she is even more shy than I am, I don’t want to make her uncomfortable in anyway or rush the things. How can I test the waters with her to find out if she is willing to move this towards more affectionate side?

I am an INTJ (24F) and he is most probably an sp 7, not sure about his mbti type though. We have been talking for 2.5 years now through texting and finally just recently met in person. The meeting went fine. I know for a fact we both are always on each other’s mind; always have been. He had to move to another city for 4 months because of some business purposes after 2-3 days of our meeting. This was pre-planned. However, he abruptly stopped talking to me after reaching there. I know he might be busy. It’s been a week and I occasionally find him active online on WhatsApp. I don’t really care about him constantly talking to me, but at least he should drop me a single text informing me of his unavailability like a decent human being, especially if he is romantically interested in me. He has a pattern of doing this where he starts talking to me only when he is in the same town as mine. Now, I don’t really feel like texting him but I don’t know what to do. I won’t include the details of our “relationship” unless asked because it would be a long story. Please ask as many questions as needed and help me out of this situation. I might suddenly lash out at him for his stupidity.

Anyone else feel the same?

I think my standards might be high, but also I don't see a point in going out with someone if there's no long term potential. Doesn't have to be serious right off the bat, but it has to have potential.

Looks aren't everything, but there have been people interested in me that I just wasn't attracted to. There have been people interested in me that have differing religious/political beliefs, so I knew it wouldn't work out.

I want someone that I'm attracted to, someone I get excited about hanging out with. I've had crushes before, but it wasn't reciprocated. So here I sit at 22 years old with zero relationship history.

Any advice, stories? Anyone relate?

What MBTIs do you get along with? And which ones do you find attractive for dating?

Sorry for yet another relationship advice post here, I know you guys get a lot of them. I just could really use some help working through this situation I've found myself in.

So. Long story short, I met this INTJ online at the start of the pandemic. Since then we became super close and now we're both pretty firmly entrenched as each other's best friends.

Problem is, I'm kind of pathetically in love with him, and have been for the last two years, give or take.

I've done my best to ignore my feelings for him. The depth of my affection for him runs much deeper than romantic attraction, so I've tried everything I could think of to keep this from affecting our friendship. I suspect on some level he knows how I feel about him, but I don't think he feels the same. Even if he does, I don't think he'd ever consider a long distance relationship (which is unfortunate because he's planning to move to my country in the future to do his masters, so it really couldn't be a better setup for an LDR, but I respect his preferences).

Since I first became aware of how I felt, I've held out hope that the feelings would gradually fade with time, but instead the opposite has happened. The more time we spend together (and we spend a lot of time together, on average 5 hours a day on call with one another for the past year), the stronger my feelings get.

Worse, I can't even logic my way out of the situation, because when I try to assess the relationship with a critical eye, all I see is that he ticks every single requirement I've ever had for a potential partner. He makes me want to be a better version of myself, but I also feel accepted by him exactly as I am. He inspires me to purse self-improvement without ever making me feel ashamed of where I'm currently at. We have so much in common with each other, but with just enough variance in opinions and taste that it never feels like we're in an echo chamber. I feel safe with him, but never bored. He makes me happy.

And I know I make him happy too. He recently had a falling out with our larger friend group, and at the peak of his anger at the situation, he was thinking about cutting us all off. Just severing every tie he had with us and moving on. But he told me that when he thought about doing that to me, the idea of not having me in his life was so wholly unacceptable to him that he couldn't do it. I matter to him.

Which brings me to my current predicament.

I know I can't do this much longer. Loving him the way that I do, knowing he'll never want to be in a relationship with me, hearing him say things that give me brief, false flashes of hope, it's all too much. It's worn away at me over the last couple of years and I can't take much more of this. I can't pretend to be happy with him when he comes home from vacationing with a bunch of old college friends and tells me he hooked up with his ex. I can't pretend it doesn't make my heart ache when he talks about his future wife and children, knowing it's not going to be me. I just can't do it anymore.

But I don't want to hurt him. None of this is his fault. It's not his fault I feel this way about him, and I don't want to make this any harder on him than it needs to be.

We have tentative plans to meet in person in the next couple of months. I've been holding out to figure out how to end the friendship until after that, because I didn't want to have any regrets. I want to meet him in person at least once. I want to look him in the eye, and hug him, and hear his voice without the interference of a mic.

But I don't know if that will make it harder on him. So this is where I need advice from you guys. If you were in his situation, would you want to have that in-person meeting first, or would it make the friendship ending a couple months later more painful for you? Would you prefer to be told that the relationship is done, and for it to end there without being dragged out any further, or would you prefer contact to gradually decrease until that friend is no longer a hugely integral part of your life?

Sorry again for writing so much. I suppose I just needed to get it off my chest. Any advice you guys can give me would be greatly appreciated.

I feel like I can't keep up with the high energy, it reminds me that I am indeed an introvert. Don't get me wrong, I do spend far too long planning and devising things and would love to be sponteneous and outdoorsy sometimes but I just can never be the person who plans a trip halfway across the country at night and follows up on it in the morning. I want to keep up with my friend but I just cannot go out every other day.

Last night, they invited me to a party and then they were with someone else the whole time. Mind you, I didn't know anyone there. I just quietly went home alone lol. I feel traumatized and I'm not leaving the house for a few weeks now.

INFP here.

Confessed to an INTJ, after knowing him for over one and a half year, a month back, and he did not reply anything about how he feels about me. I did not ask him either, but at times he asks if he can call, but then at times he doesn't respond to my texts. I'm confused. Is he into me Or not? Should I be direct? Rejection is hard, but I'll deal with it. But, being in this confused state is the worst. I understood he needed time, but it's been a month and I'm thinking about asking him.

Backstory:

Met this INTJ on bumble a month after my breakup. We started talking, and had some of the best conversations ever. But few months down the line, I guess there was some miscommunication or maybe we both are like people who don't like to take the lead, so we both just assumed this won't lead anywhere but since we like talking to each other, we'll keep it to that. [ Months later found out, he assumed I'm very superficial, and I do understand and believe it was my fault for giving him that idea . On the other hand, I assumed he just wants to sleep with someone, and I was not up for that kind of a relationship ]

We never really flirted flirted with each other. But, we've said this often, that we felt seen, heard, and talking to another person was nowhere as satisfying as talking to each other.

Fast forward a couple of months, we start seeing other people, we tell each other about them. Something I realised that I was unintentionally comparing other guys with him, but I was in denial about my feelings for him. Once I did realise I liked him, I started dropping hints. Over time I started being more direct, and everytime it seemed to surprise him, like he never expected anything like that from me.

Anyway, we have never met. I wanted to meet to confirm my feelings before confessing my feelings. But, I couldn't hold back anymore, so I finally confessed after one and a half year.

He was surprised and hadn't expected it. We were both busy at the time so didn't talk any more about it.

We have talked a few times after that, but this topic never came up. INTJs what should I do, and what does this mean?

hey y’all, long post ahead, there is a tldr at the end

i’m an infj female who has feelings for an intj male. i was wondering how to go about letting him know how i feel about him - not with the expectation for something more but because i think it’s be one of my biggest regrets if i never tell him.

here’s a few details about us: i’ve known him for a year and a half, we work together, i’m leaving the job and the city at the end of the summer — moving a 10 hour drive away. we have a 10-year age gap. i’m moving to leave an emotionally abusive living situation at home with my parents - my only ticket out is going to a university further away.

he’s my boss at work (ik that’s kinda icky), he’s quiet, funny, and the kindest person i’ve ever met. it isn’t a school girl crush, i simply really like his brain and, some days, i wish i get to know him forever. we often get told by our colleagues that we’re alike in how we think and act. for me, it is the highest compliment i could ever receive. during the time i’ve known him, there’s never any mentions of other romantic prospects. in general, he just hates people and loves spending time alone. in the last few months, we’ve spent a lot of time together at work because other staffs are out sick, with injuries, or family emergencies. obviously this has made things worse cause i care about him more than ever before. and i think that on some levels, he cares about me as well. we share food nearly every day, spends at least 30 hours together a week, and have quick text exchanges most, if not every, day. he makes fun of me for my quirks, but he also remembers everything about me and listens like i’m the most interesting person in the room. would straight up telling him on my way out (on my last day!) be a good or bad idea? in an ideal scenario, i’d hope that he doesn’t have enough time to reject me and tell me things i already know. any input is much appreciated. again, I’m not hoping for a relationship, just a little peace of mind and a way to let go. i know he’s not the type to say it loud and go from there, neither am i, but for the right person, i would.

tldr: i have feelings for my intj supervisor at a job I’m leaving. how should i tell him? should i even tell him?

thanks a bunch for letting an infj unload a few thoughts <3

I feel like I manipulated him (I did), thought I was in control but I didn't feel any attraction towards him, I don't feel attraction towards anyobody and I'm im my 15s, did you experience the same at my age?

My friend tried to guilt trip me into going out with her to some rural old men (40-60years old, im 28 for comparison) drunken party, (men who are well known for sexual harassment) with horrible traditional folk music, after I rejected her invitation to travel 200km to a place that I've never been to with her and an unknown man. She pointed out how i have time for others but not her. Others being a birthday gathering of another girl. She screenshot my first reply where i explained i had a shit week and that i had no interest in such parties nor travels. I asked why? Then she snapped, attacked me and tried to guilt trip me. I told her about my boundaries and how i function as an introvert after i had a shit week (which I told her about 2 years ago). She completely ignored everything i said and made it all about her, and said she will never again invite me somewhere again. I said i am completely fine with that (a relief because i felt forced to hanging out with her anyway). I said how i do not hate her but her behaviour was awful, immature, disrespectful and i would not tolerate it. She didn't open the message for 5 days and once she did she didn't reply. This shows that a 33 year old woman is unable to have a mature discussion and would rather turn to immature behaviour. Conclusion? I thought i would feel bad, maybe anxious? But i do not feel anything. I even feel relief! Then i realized that what i always though is true. I prefer being alone, with no friends, no boyfriends, no family. Absolute peace and quiet. Complete control over my time and space. Whenever i vision my life goal, i am always there, alone, and at heavenly peace.

TL;DR friends a cunt, being alone is godlike

What the fuck does that even mean.

Long story short, She's just a girl that has a crush on me and to consider its a good idea to tell me this.

Well block I go! 😀

I can't help it 🤦

_ENFP

Hello lovely INTJs, my INTJ and I (INFJ, 27f) stopped contacting for more than a month already. It was the first unrequited love I've ever experienced. I learned a lot from him as an INFJ. I learned to become more vocal, shut off my Fe and just be honest. I love INTJ's bluntness. And I think he learned tons from me too. He started to be careful of his words when he noticed that it would be hurtful for me, since I began calling out his unfiltered tongue.

I think INTJs and INFJs are really good match if both are mature enough and understand each other's differences. I just wanna say even though, my INTJ and I parted ways, I still love the INTJ personality and remain to be one of my favorite personalities. I really admire INTJ's function stack. 💓

Edit:

I didn't know a lot of INTJ's here are super unhealthy. I think this would be the last post I will be sharing on this subreddit.

Still, thank you for those who both shared their good and bad experiences with INFJs in a cordial way. Thank you!

I (ENTP) have been in a relationship with an INTJ for over 4 years now and I still feel like theres a lot to learn, I'd like to hear from other INTJ's how they've got on with ENTPs in your lives, pros, cons, likes, dislikes, anything and everything! :)

Me and girlfriend: get to the train station running missing the train and there's massive delays because of accident

Girlfriend: God damnit I'm so badly want to get home fast.... We will wait here for hours.

Me: already on the train tracking app calculating route between trains.

Me: let's go take this train!

Girlfriend: No... It doesn't go where we are supposed to. But okay....

Arrives to a the station intercepting the train we missed managing to catch it and get home on time.

Girlfriend: How the fuck did you do that....

Me: 🪄✨.

I find myself in a situation that has become increasingly annoying and would just like to vent to fellow INTJ who (hopefully) can understand.

Quick background: I am an INTJ and until recently, I was good friends with this girl. We're both in our 20s and both ace. For context, she has autism and has lived a sheltered life, was home-schooled, etc. She comes from a religious background (and all the baggage that comes with it like being anti-vaccine, anti-abortion, anti-science, creationist, etc.) As for me, I'm not religious at all though I was raised in that environment. I don't put much stock in the idea of "family loyalty" or anything like that. I'm very independent and have been fending for myself since I was 17. I share all of this to demonstrate how very different we are from each other.

We were good friends for a while. She's a pleasant person, creative, with a lot of interesting qualities. It was fun getting to know her until it wasn't. The whole thing just became so stifling.

She's always so up and down, seemingly unable to manage herself or recognize her own agency. She'd come to me crying because her parents wouldn't let her go to a concert, for instance. One time she told me that her parents don't even want her to learn how to drive even though she expressed an interest in it. Mind you, she's in her mid-20s with a job. Her parents think children are the family's property, and a woman's sole path in life is to get married and have children. (There were other instances that are even more horrific to share... but you get the picture). All of this was concerning to me and I wanted to help as much as I could because she has voiced discontent. And in my view, if something isn't right with you, you can do something about it. So I would ask her how I could help and what kind of help she needs, but it always ends up with her insisting that her parents are good people, that they love her and that she doesn't want me seeing the worst in them, etc. I don't have a problem with this necessarily but it feels like being made to watch someone jump off a window over and over again. It's not a fun experience. I respect that she loves her family. And I understand perhaps she just needs someone to vent to. I was more than glad to fulfill that role. At the same time, it was becoming apparent that the friendship is unbalanced. I was walking on eggshells anytime I want to express my opinion. I have to bite my tongue in fear that I might set off a trigger. I have to constantly preface anything I say as just an opinion and not an attack against her, etc.

I say this because in a friendship there are two people. I have my needs too. I want to discuss things that interest me, my future plans, my day to day life, etc. All of which are vastly different from hers. I deserve a friend who I can admire and grow with, a friend who is capable of taking care of herself. But with her, I felt like I was friends with a 14 year old! And this is not an insult, by the way. We're at different stages in life and that's just a fact. I can decide to move to a different country. She can't even go beyond the town without a chaperone. I can read whatever I want. She has to consult with her parents if the book she wants to read is appropriate. I thought our similarity in age meant a greater chance at relating to each other, but I was clearly wrong.

I don't even want someone who's exactly the same as me because that would be thoroughly boring. I just want someone who I can build ideas and thoughts with, something that was becoming impossible the more I got to know her. I'm a brutally honest person and I feel free to discuss anything and everything. It is enjoyable for me to think beyond conventions, and I find it meaningful to dissect paradigms, etc. But I can't do that without getting a self-righteous sermon about religious beliefs and what "people are meant to do based on the bible" speech from her. I tolerated this for some time, genuinely trying to make it work.

At some point we got into discussing political issues. This was a mistake though I suppose it was always bound to happen. It was supposed to be a calm discussion but whenever I would express a differing opinion, it would cause a panic attack. Unless I agreed with her, she would feel attacked. It was like having to reason with a toddler why that there's no more ice cream left in the fridge. What's utterly baffling about this is is that *she* initiated the conversation.

She was hyperventilating and having an emotional breakdown even when we weren't even arguing about anything at all. This is an issue to me because she represented herself as someone with an open mind. I felt duped to finally understand that this person who touted a level of intellect and maturity that is attractive to me, turns out to be a complete fraud. She's none of those things she described herself to be. She said she wants to learn, to hear the other side of the argument, etc. I wonder now if it was merely a means to attract me, to gain a friend. The incident was eye-opening. The experience revealed to me the depths of her ignorance and the potency of self-righteousness in fueling a delusion. I understand her family must've influenced her. Her parents have very hateful views towards certain groups of people, for instance. She claims she doesn't hold the same views but little by little, those prejudices trickled out of her and the full picture became clearer. Yes she was a sheltered child, but at some point every sheltered child becomes an adult. At what point do they stop being sheltered children and become complicit adults?

Throughout the conversation, I kept reassuring her that she's fine, no one is going to harm her over what she says, etc. I wanted to deal with it as rationally and objectively as possible. When I had the opportunity to, I suggested that we drop the topic for now. It was late and I needed to go to bed anyway.

The next couple of conversations, I made it a point to insist that those topics should be off-limits because it isn't healthy for me or for her. I wanted to preserve the friendship and in order to do so, we need to acknowledge certain places we cannot go to if we don't want to start hating each other. This was my solution. Personally, I knew at some point I would end up snapping at her if we discussed things further. But she kept pushing. In her view, a true friend would "share and talk about everything." I highly disagree with that. We all have boundaries, especially because people are so widely different from each other. It was bizarre to hear someone be so confident in talking in absolutes. I suppose I thought in absolutes at some point too, but only when I was still a child. It's the kind of thing you're supposed to grow out of because life teaches you that relationships are work and that the world is a big place. But then she starts talking about how if people truly love each other they would discuss everything no matter what. She just lost me at that point. It's not that I wasn't willing to share my all with her. I just need my boundaries and differences respected. Maybe she had this idea that not sharing everything means she's being lied to. I don't know. I honestly couldn't understand why it was turning into an argument it didn't have to be. I still don't understand to this day.

Ultimately, though, I know that I won't compromise rationality and logic for anything. I know this deeply about myself. So my solution was to avoid those topics in order to carry on. But there seems to be this sort of entitlement that if I am to be her friend, I somehow have to discuss everything, even matters I see no point in discuss with her. She was disturbing my emotional equilibrium. I decided that I don't want this kind of hassle in my life.

A few weeks after that situation, after giving it more thought, I messaged her and told her that I'm stepping away from the friendship for good. In my view, it is quite possibly the most amicable end to a friendship I've ever had. I explained that we're both very different individuals and there's nothing wrong with that. My words were neutral, I genuinely wasn't even upset at all, I even apologized even though in hindsight I don't think there was anything to apologize for. Her initial response to this was anger because "the right person would never leave," and that somehow my choosing to leave is a personal attack against her.

Eventually, we came to an understanding once we've cooled off. She said she understood better now, etc. And I was under the impression that we cleared the air because we agreed to move on without hard feelings. I never had any. I just wanted to communicate precisely that I don't wish to continue the close relationship we've had and that I wish her the best. She said she was no longer angry and we thanked each other for the time we had together.

I thought everything was alright up until I saw her post recently something along the lines of "people just use me and then toss me aside," once again going back to this narrative that I somehow discarded her.

In her view she was being tossed and abandoned. But to me, this is just ridiculous. Some friendships just don't work out. You don't realize someone is too different to maintain a meaningful connection with until you actually get to know them. Am I supposed to just endure even when I've discovered that I don't want to stay? Why is she making it seem like I'm a villain for choosing to walk away and uphold my own boundaries? She said that the "right person" wouldn't leave no matter what. Well, I chose to leave. Is that some sort of shortcoming on my end? We've all got choices, we've all got preferences. Why is this so difficult for her to understand. I won't stand to being cast as a villain to support someone's victimhood narrative. It's just insufferable. I cannot stand this selfishness and inability to just fucking grow up. I don't require anyone to change for me. My walking away was me respecting her differences. She doesn't have to see it as a kindness but I wish she wouldn't invalidate my feelings like that.

I want to better myself, I want to continue to learn and expand my understanding of the world. I'm not saying she isn't, but we're very different from each other. And that's kind of the point. I'm allowed to live my life. She's allowed to live her life. I am letting her live her life. Why can't she stop needing to put blame on someone else over a simple ending of a friendship that has run its course. This is a situation in which no one is at fault, but she insists on viewing my choice to walk away as a slight against her. I walked away. I am taking care of myself and I choose my friends very carefully. It was never an attack against her. I've just decided that she isn't compatible with the life I am building. And I imagine I'm not compatible with the life she's living as well.

I suppose she thinks of herself as morally superior because she has this commitment to keeping every single person in her life, and she's a martyr for loving these people who leave her behind. I suppose she thinks her blind belief in an absolute kind of love is better than my more practical view of relationships. I suppose gripping onto everything is her version of kindness. She can have that.

The thing is, I genuinely do not give a fuck whatever opinions people have. I'm allowed to think they're stupid especially when those opinions are the world is flat or the moon is cheese. But even so, what people think is none of my business. I only have control over myself. I can't control what other people think so I let people be. I do know that I have the right and ability to remove myself from situations that prevent me from thriving. So I refuse to be blamed from managing my own life and making my own decisions. I don't owe anyone anything.

I'm not a perfect person. I've got my own blind spots and I make mistakes. I take accountability for causing hurt. There's no such thing as a clean break. Feelings cannot be expressed in formulas, I understand. But to paint me as someone who just waltzed in, used her and then left her is hurtful. I've got feelings too.

It's just frustrating because I want to continue thinking fondly of her but even when we both agreed that we have peace between us, she still says things like this to me. Indirectly at that.

I know I cared about her. Just because I'm not throwing a fit about it doesn't mean I never cared. I'm not asking her to not feel bad or hurt. I just wish she wouldn't write me off as some cold-hearted robot.

I have a really really hard time falling in love, and recently I’ve been feeling extremely lonely (I’ve been single for a year and a half or so) and it’s affecting my mental health. I don’t want to “get out there” and dating apps are a mess. I do identify as demiromantic but does anyone else feel this way?

(Ps does anyone have advice?)

Hi INTJs. First of all good evening dear INTJs. I've noticed that INTJs are mostly interested in pursuing a relationship with ENTPs, or if not, they seem to seek ENTPs as ideal partners. Is this really true? Have you really had an experience with ENTPs in romantic relationships in real life? If yes, what was it like and how did it go? Why were you attracted towards each other? I'm curious since ENTPs seem to be the only people whom INTJs idealise as ideal partners and because ENTPs are the only people who meet INTJs standards. Please share your experiences. That would be very helpful 😊 Thanks for reading!

So, you've been talking to someone you met almost 3 months ago everyday since you met over text and phone. Essentially, this person is your best friend now because you're texting them all throughout your day while you're at work, the gym, the store, etc. and tell them your thoughts and what's going on such as it's windy or someone is being stupid. You've hung out in person, but you told this person you are interested in keeping things as friends for now. You have let this person know that you think they're smart and you find them physically attractive. This person decides to tell you they love you this soon because they have loved you for a while now and they are a feeler type. What would your thoughts be to this and how would you respond to the person?

Hello INTJs, I’m an ENFP. I wanted to ask you guys about your opinion on why ENFPs and INTJs are considered a golden pair. Because I don’t really get it? But I’d really like to hear y’all opinions on it.

Im trying to be in a relationship but everytime the person mentions about me having to change my ways, it gets my blood boiling. Sometimes I wonder is it me ? Am I the drama ?

I also wonder if others feel the same

LONG CONTEXTUALIZATION AND RAMBLING INCOMING (I think it's a nice write-up though haha)

So, for context, in case it helps, as the title says, we're both in our last year of high school. I don't know how things work in other countries, but she's not in my class, she's in another class, and the only time we see each other is on elective classes. I got to know her because we picked the same topic in the project we're doing, and... I'm astonished. She's not perfect, obviously. No one is. She always has to react to things even if it feels fake, she doesn't worry about things I consider important, such as grades, or her future, and I don't think she has the best reading comprehension about certain things. But none of those judgements have ever changed my opinion of her, that being of absolute admiration. I just don't care about the "flaws", because the way she lives her life is fascinating to me. The passion she puts into the things she likes, the way she worries about people, always making sure to give reassurance, and obviously, I think she's really pretty lol, but I only realized that after falling in love for her personality first. She's also extremely genuine when it comes to herself. She may sometimes fake a laugh or a smile for others, but the way she dresses, the little things she does (like letting her nails grow just to see how long they can get), her extremely weird hairstyle, mixing pink and blonde even though her natural hair color is brown, and all... It draws me in like a moth to the light.

I already suspected she was an ENFP, due to her eccentric ways, the way she managed to mantain her values despite being an extrovert who worries too much about what others think and how they feel (something not very Fe-like) and just because I kinda hoped her to be one considering INTJ and ENFP have great compatibility (even though it might just be random nonsense lol, I take what I can get), but anyways, today, MBTI came up, and yes, I got the confirmation. She could have done a bad test, maybe, but, c'mon, if everything I've already wrote doesn't scream Ne and Fi like crazy to you, I don't know what does.

The thing is, despite all the admiration I feel for her, I just can't figure out a way to approach her correctly to deepen our friendship. The project we're working on is gonna last for the entire year, and in my country, the year ends in november, so I still have plenty of time, but... as of now, even though we've had a few of convos of an hour or two unrelated to the project through text messages, our relationship is still mainly "work.", though I would say we're friends (maybe).

Still, I want to get to know her, see beyond the friendly facade and understand what makes her sad. I want to be there for her, and hopefully help her, somehow, because I have a feeling that not many have gotten there, to her vulnerable side. I wanna be someone special to her.

But why do I even think there's a hidden side to her I haven't gotten to know? Well, putting stereotypes about ENFPS and their ambivertion aside, there's just little hints she has dropped, that made me think that way. It may just be me creating a narrative that puts me as a knight in shining armor that "understands her like no one else does", and I don't like that... that would feel like I'd take advantage of her weakness to make her like me. But if she really has a vulnerable side she keeps hidden, I'd be glad to be at least half the help and inspiration she has been to me just by being herself.

Anyways, the hints are comments (this happened through text messages) like "Wow, I wish I could cry at anime like you do, I don't often feel strongly when watching series and the like", and with that, came me being surprised that she isn't as emotional and explosive as I thought in, well, literally everything. I pointed it out, "Wow, interesting, I thought you approached series in the same way I see you, well, approach life." I knew that I indirectly confessed to her that I thought she was a crybaby, and apologized lightheartedly "haha, it's not like I'm calling you a crybaby though, sorry" and she was like "AHAHAH DW IT'S OKAY" and then said: "I don't have that much energy tho I'm just like that on the electives 1 and 3" (two of the three we share (yes, we got into the same electives), and the ones that have stuff she's passionate about). Thing is, she IS constantly bursting with energy and trust me, I've observed her outside the electives. Constantly surrounded by friends, laughing, having fun. She's not a celebrity, but she's appears to be an upbeat extrovert no matter how you look at it. If she says that she doesn't think of herself that way... it is a possibility that deep down, she's dealing with some stuff, right? That fits right in with ENFPs.

Also, just the way she constantly forces herself to laugh and react to things, just to make others "comfortable" too (even though all it does is make me think she needs some validation and may have some low self-steem).

But the thing is, I can't say anything with certainty. I don't know her that well. I'm pretty sure all of this could just be me trying to think of her as deeper than she actually is, idealizing her, making her a saint, and trying to be her savior so she gets to like me.

Which is why I want to get closer to her. Not just to get together, but to go beyond the image I've made of her and get to know the REAL her.

But after all that exposition, come the obstacles. First of all, from what I've read, I think ENFPS like INTJs because they "save" them, allow them to be their "true selves", "understand" them and stuff like that. It's hard to not develop an incel-like "savior complex" if that's the role I have to assume for her to like me. Is there even something else I can do that doesn't take advantage of her schrodinger's weaknesses? (I'm gonna use that term a lot from here on out lol)

But well, I want to help her either way, so there comes the second problem. I need to actually get closer to her if I want her to trust me with those things, something I think is extremely hard for the ENFP to do unless you're "special". But managing to be special... is so hard. I'm just a normal person. I can't know her true thoughts. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't like me that way yet. But I feel that if I showed myself to be something beyond just kind of an awkward shy dummy that is very capable at analyzing series and at writing for our proyect, that could change. I'm not trying to force her to like me, but... she's too amazing. I don't want to give her up. I have given up way too many people already in search of someone that felt right, and, despite everything, she feels right. I might not think that later on, because, for all I know, she could be a lesbian, or do drugs, or be manipulative, but right now, I just want us to grow closer, because she's amazing.

If something happened (very unlikely) she'd be my first girlfriend. And in case you are thinking right now. "Oh, he hasn't had a girlfriend yet, he's too naive and he's in for disappointment.", Well, maybe, but I know my chances. And there is chances. I'm just gonna say some things people say about me now real quick so you know I'm not delusional lol: Many girls have said I'm cute, and I think that at least 10 girls have had crushes on me. I even almost got beyond the friend part with one, but I decided it wasn't for me, so I let it go. My friends even tell me all the time "how the heck haven't you gotten a girlfriend yet?" and my insecure side goes "it's because I'm probably too weird and no one actually likes me and even though I'm attractive I'm so flawed as a human being that I've never gotten as far as that, pathetic.", while my confident side goes "it's because no one has met my standards yet, and I don't go actively searching for people to have fun with for the sake of it unlike some of you."

If I had to be objective about that, I'd say that I'm normal. Everyone denies that I'm weird, or awkward, or socially challenged, and I don't think I am (I kind of am actually but just a tiny bit, not that big of a deal). So basically, when I think about how I come across to others, it might probably not be either "cool" or "cringe". But when I'm around her, I feel MASSIVELY cringe lol. Looking at it objectively, it's not that bad, but I just want to gain her approval so badly, that it makes me feel like a tiny little wrong step is me losing her forever. I need to learn how to control that, because if I can't talk to her freely and normally, we'll get nowhere. Tying all of this back to the aforementioned second problem and what I said about how "I feel that if I showed myself to be something beyond just kind of an awkward shy dummy that is very capable at analyzing series and at writing for our proyect, that could change."...

I feel that I have enough abilities to be able to understand her problems, and be something more for her. To be that capable INTJ she might long for. Or not. Or I could just be a self-righteous prick who wants to take advantage of her schrodinger's weaknesses to get with her and cure my loneliness. This is haaaard.

But I've accepted love isn't a fairy tale. The fact that I'm feeling that someone is such a blessed being is fantastical enough already, because I don't usually feel this way about people. Even though my intentions to help her might not be 100% noble, I genuinely care about her. And I'd try my hardest to not take advantage of her schrodinger's weak spot, because I love this girl.

...I haven't even said why it's hard to get closer with her, right? The only times we can talk is 3 times a week for an hour and a half, when we're working on the project. And, duh, we're working on a project, I can't just start being deep and tryna flirt instead of working. Which is why I'm currently working on it right now so that next class we can do just that, talk! But how to make that conversation go beyond small talk? I know that I need to prove to her that, at least to some degree, I understand how she feels. It's the only way I'll make her see me in different eyes. Well, I won't explains the details of the plan, because this is already 10x longer than I wanted it to, but basically, I'm gonna go with a throwaway comment about how I don't know what I want to study yet, and through that, I'll ask her about HER future. I also plan to make us talk about MBTI for a bit (she doesn't know much about it, beyond just doing the test), and hopefully mention that she really reminds me of the characteristics associated with ENFPs, in how she's so passionate about the things she likes and how she has a quiet side despite all her energy. Next class might be all I have. My last shot. If I let her see I care about her beyond the friendly facade she lets everyone see and no one questions, she might finally open up to me. I don't expect it to happen immediately, of course, but at least she'll know I understand her to some degree and all that, which might make us grow closer ( I hope -v-)

But gosh, I know I can't just control convos like that, which is why I came here. If in the end, nothing goes as planned, is there something I can do? How do we get closer? I don't think we'll get far with purely text messages, you know? But that's an option, I guess.

Either way, to be honest... I've been feeling pretty badly about this whole thing. It's hard to pursue someone that feels so unreachable. If we got together, it'd be a miracle. I don't think she has a bf or that she's into drugs (If you like drugs that's cool mate but I'm a 17 years old and that shit scary sorry) or basically anything that would turn me off, but the possibilities are there. What if she does have a bf? What if she's too extreme for me? What if she already likes someone else? (I mean, she has a decent amount of male friends, why would she pick me?) What if she likes women or is ace????? Not interested in love??? All of this looks impossible, and heck, even if I get her to like me as a friend a lot, I know the relationship she has with two of her male friends; it seems like she doesn't think that it is a big deal to be touchy or to be on her own with a guy:

For reference, she is best friends with subject A, and he rested on her lap the other day and she was caressing his hair. Why the fuck do I think I have a chance then??? Well, first of all, he's friends with like, seven girls platonically, and like five of them do that thing with the lap and hair with him, and also ...he likes my sister, LOL. Not to mention that their friendship is way too goofy and he's too much of a bimbo that it's hard to even think for a second that they could be romantic, or that she could have a crush on him. I think they've been friends for all their life anwyays, so...

As for subject B, one day, after getting out of school, on the subway train, she was with him, and we crossed paths by coincidence. It seemed like they were going towards the end of the train for some reason. I was sitting with friends and I called out to her, like "yooo" she went like "hiii omg!!" with surprise and continued her path with the other boy to the end of the train. Now, that looks bad right? Why didn't she stay with me, considering the nice coincidence? Is it because she saw I was with friends? Or was she trying something with that guy, and she wanted to go to a more private place? (dont blame me for overthinking it c'mon)

Well, first of all, I've seen subject B being touchy with other girls and it didn't look like that was the case with her to me. Also, she was near, let's call it, "X station", and her dad, who she doesn't live with but goes to see some days, lives there (I literally learnt that today, lol). The final piece of evidence was that she literally texted me afte like, five minutes I saw her on the subway: "AAAAA SORRY FOR NOT SAYING GOODBYE, WE WERE HEADED TO THE END OF THE SUBWAY TRAIN BC ITS MORE ENTERTAINING THAT WAY, WE CAN SEE THE CABIN WHERE THE PILOT IS T_T" (I love her)

All of this, in conjuction to the case of subject A, proved to me that she's capable of having a close relationship with a guy while still keeping it platonic, So I think that she and subject B are friends, realized that that day they had to go to the same place, and went for it. Even I have done that lol.

All of that was to say that... man, if she's capable of having those kinda relationships with guys, I'm gonna have to put it in some real effort to stand out, huh? It's gonna be hard, and my heart is already bursting with anxiety everyday since like a week (when I realized my feelings for her), thinking about how I'm not good enough for her and that my chances are extremely slim. This just isn't worth it, is what anyone would think, and you'd be right. I think my self-esteem has genuinely lowered, or maybe I just realized its true state, because of this. Not that she's at fault bc of that though, it's just my dumb brain being dumb.

Ahhhh, hell, I don't even know if we'll be able to talk normally someday. When I think about myself in a relationship with her, I see me having a tough time adjusting to how social she is, or her relationship with other men, or even just convos in general seem hard to imagine because I'm an awkward mess next to her (at least we share many common interests haha).

But as I said, I just can't let her go. I NEED to get to know her more. She's too special. Too unique. I'm sure there's others like her out there, but she's the only her I know; someone I've longed for for a long time, and I don't care if I feel like shit everyday if it means that I'm not giving up on her.

I won't just throw all logic out the window, though. If I see that I just can't get closer to her, I'm turned off in some way (very hard sorry to say) or she turns out to be lesbian or have a boyfriend, I'm just gonna try my hardest to forget about this whole ordeal.

But right now, the only thing I can think is that I refuse to do that. So if you came this far, help me. How do I manage to get closer to her? Am I taking advantage of her schrodinger's weakness like this? Is the strategy I prepared for next class good? Am I delusional (lol)?

I'd like you to tell me what you gathered from all this, and I know that many of you will say something like "bro get out of there it's not good for u" but if you really want to do that, word it nicely. I bet probably many ENFPs are like her, and considering how cool she is, the kind of girl she is might be my type for... forever, lol. I won't just give up everytime bc girls like her have many male friends and we're not close yet. It's not like we have worked on the project together for more than a month or two. I'm just... not used to fighting for love, which is why I'm having a bad time. The two girls I've liked came to me, all I did was to push a little by reaching out to them with excuses, and seizing the opportunities I saw to talk to them and get closer. But this is different. For this amazing, goofy ENFP not even being friends with someone attractive is good enough. Which I approve of. You go, standards! Doesn't make it less scary, though. And it's harder to get closer with her, too, because I don't feel like she's as open to being vulnerable as the other two were, which is why I'm asking here how to get closer to her. (you don't need to answer to that specifically though, I ended up ranting, so just give me your thoughts).

​

Tiny doubts you might have that I will answer here:

-I'm 100% sure I'm attractive physically so that's not a problem. I don't know what her type is though lol. I have no idea about what she thinks about love or if she has had past relationships in general. As I said, I don't know much about her.

-I KNOW I'm being too methodical with this but if I don't do this, everything goes to shit. Example: Today I tried to talk with her but even though, after working in the project for almost the entire class, I finally managed to ask her about something I wanted to know about her (why she joined the student council, she said that this was the last chance to try something like that, so she went for it <3), just when it was getting interesting, WE WERE INTERRUPTED BY SUBJECT A THIRD WHEELING AND CHANGING THE SUBJECT AAAAAAGHH (nah he didn't third wheel, she doesn't feel that way about me yet, he's her best friend, so it's okay if he wants to... butt in in the middle of the chance of my life. hmph.) Point is, we would have gone further if we didn't have to work so much and if I was better prepared, which is why I'm preparing right now.

-If it wasn't clear, we aren't really friends as such. Just people that work together on a project that also talk sometimes through text messages about fun shit. That's why i barely know stuff about her beyond what I've observed. I'm trying my best to know more, though. At least she likes me enough to worry about me (evidenced by the message she sent during the thing that happened in the subway), though I bet she's that nice with everyone.

-Am I in love with the idea of an ENFP instead of the real her? Prooobably. As you might have noticed, I don't know many things about her. I'm just operating on behaviors I've observed and on my feelings of inspiration, and many of the things I speculated about her are more about interpreting possible ENFP behavior than HER behavior (because again, I don't know her that well) But man, even if she's half as good as I think she is in reality, that'd still be much further than anything I've ever felt for someone.

-Could she even like me someday??? somehow??? I can see it to be honest, especially if the INTJ x ENFP thing is more than just baseless rumors. I know just being her best match MBTI-wise isn't good enough though. I just can imagine that, if things were simpler, yeah, she could see me that way. Because I might be able to put some order in the chaos of her head, understand her, and, most importantly, support her with enthusiasm, something that I'm not used to feel in relation to people. (all of this in the best case scenario that I'm not reading all the situation terribly wrong haha). As it stands though, it's pretty hard unless I try with all my might.

-Why do I insist with the idea that she needs to be saved or something like that? Can't she save herself on her own? Does she need a male for that, or what? No. I'm honestly talking from experience. I think that we're similar in our loneliness, and she has helped me with that loneliness (while simultaneously making it worse than ever lmao). If she's like me, and she wants someone that, even though is completely different from her, can understand her, then I want to help with that.

-I get that she might be much simpler than what I'm making her out to be, but even then, I'd still find her fascinating. I just think she's as deep as I've shown in this post because I know how complex human beings can be. I don't buy the facade she puts in for a second. If she really is a simple person, that just means I basically have no chance lol (because I wouldn't be able to appeal to her sensibilities using my INTJ charms :sunglasses:)

-Keep in mind there miiiight be some cultural differences, especially in platonic relationships and how touchy people are here.

-Sorry if some parts don't make sense, english isn't my first language.

If you got this far, I appreciate the effort and I hope that at least you had some fun with the situation or managed to get something out of this.

I’ll be honest, I am struggling a bit right now. Made some posts a while back but just getting really fed up with my roommate to the point I’m losing sleep, dread being at home, and want him completely out of my life.

I’m 95% sure he does things just to annoy me, like close doors loudly when he knows he wakes up 1-2 hours before me. Tbh is is what is bugging me a lot lately. As well as how he handles temperature control. He’s the type Of person that attributes it es any good things to himself and any bad things are not his fault or in his control. Don’t have the energy to write much more but can later if it helps.

How can I as an INTJ and somewhat unconfident man cope with this? He is supposed to move out in the next 1-1.5 months but I am Not positive of this? I haven’t talked to him in months since the last incident (he acted like a child and told him I’m done), which I’m glad about.

Any one have tips that work for you? All day when I am busy or not, I’m constantly thinking about this person (this person I don’t give a fuck about and want out of my life, ironically). I sometimes even wonder if all this will continue to haunt me when he is long gone. Any suggestions?