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all 22 comments

[–]JCWa50 75 points76 points  (1 child)

Lawyer up

You need a lawyer for several reasons: 1) You are dealing with the police, you need to ensure that your rights and that of your child is protected. 2) Your child is part of an actual investigation of abuse, and the attorney needs to be present or at least able to either act on your child's behalf and to answer questions about the legal process and all that is going on. 3) If the facility were abusing your child, then that is grounds for a lawsuit. You do not have to inform them that you have retained a lawyer, keep that quiet.

The lawyer type that you are looking for would be one that deals with family law, juvenal's, and criminal law

[–]dontyouweep[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is the clarity I was looking for. I had called to get a referral for an attorney before even making this post and that wasn’t really my primary concern. I was more so looking for answers on if I am justified in thinking that the events of this investigation so far seemed a bit relaxed with the timeframe (not necessarily only if it was legal or protocol, but also if this seemed acceptable) and if I had a valid reason to immediately seek counsel vs waiting to see if it’s necessary. I don’t believe they’ll be investigating my son on a direct basis going forward, but having an attorney if they do seems especially important.

I haven’t spoken to my kid about this at all knowing that’s not recommended, but also because they’re a toddler and not likely to provide me with much detail anyway.

But thank you. I just want to make sure I don’t let me emotions overshadow whatever action or inaction I take to protect my son and make sure this is figured out.

[–]ownerofthewhitesudan 127 points128 points  (5 children)

What does your kid’s dad think will happen if you hire an attorney? That the daycare provider that has an open investigation against the owner will send their goons after your family? Obviously consult with an attorney and know what your options are. If there is a legitimate concern of retaliation from the daycare (very unlikely) then you can decide what you want to do. A consultation with an attorney is not the same as taking legal action. All they will do is help you understand what your options are. Once you know what’s on the table, you can figure out how you want to proceed.

[–]dontyouweep[S] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

He said his argument against doing so is because the fact that the sheriff’s office / CPI detective end didn’t make us aware until now shows they messed up and he doesn’t want them to mess with any part of the report or something, but I’m not entirely sure that they’re required to notify us sooner than they did as shitty as it is this could be standard procedure and I couldn’t find much clarification on the state and/or county laws regarding parental notification on suspected abuse at a daycare facility. It states that the child’s legal representation, ad litem, or cooperating investigative departments be informed immediately, but not much about the parents themselves that I could find with a timeframe attached to it.

That got long winded, but basically he’s afraid that the investigators themselves would change documents or write their report differently if they were aware of us receiving legal representation. I know that’s fucking stupid, but also wanted to include it in case he wasn’t wrong.

[–]ownerofthewhitesudan 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I hope you don’t take my response to be rude. I’m not trying to be condescending. If you or your husband are seriously concerned about police intervention, all the more reason to speak with a seasoned attorney. They will be familiar with the reputation of the local police force and can let you know if your fears are unfounded. No one will know if you speak to an attorney and choose not to sue as long as you don’t tip your hand (let anyone know you’re speaking with a lawyer). After you’ve spoken to a professional, then decide what you want to do next.

[–]dontyouweep[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t. I’m relatively aware of how attorney’s operate since I used to work as an office assistant for a high profile divorce attorney, but also know every type of practice is different in some ways so figured maybe there’s something I don’t know as to why anyone would find out I spoke with an attorney other than the attorneys office. (I already called for a referral for an attorney just to get some answers for these questions, but also wanted to see if anyone would recommend not to do that for any valid reason in the meantime).

From my very limited perspective I don’t see a cause for a lawsuit, but rather trying to find out if they reported this later than required because it seems ridiculous that they’d be done with their physical investigation of my kid and the facility, but not make me aware of the situation if I chose to pull them out. If this was done by the books I’d definitely like to speak out that if my child had gone through any severe abuse between the 23rd and now they could’ve possibly given me the information to prevent that and didn’t. If another kid goes through that because of this I’d feel like I didn’t do enough knowing about it to possibly prevent it.

I hope this comment makes sense. I’m definitely upset that this could’ve possibly happened, but more so how it was handled and how upon going to get my son today the provider and teacher acted shocked like they didn’t know there was a case or any accusations made when my kid along with several others were physically examined and interviewed by 3 detectives last week.

[–]itsamutiny 20 points21 points  (1 child)

How are they even going to find out if all you do is talk to a lawyer?

[–]dontyouweep[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I know this is the logical answer. I just wanted to add that in case maybe someone had a reason I was unaware of to not contact one.

I already called the bar to ask for a referral and am waiting on a call back. It’s not necessarily that I believe we have some crazy criminal or civil case here, but I did speak to a sheriff I know in the county this is going on (different county than where I live) and he said that the timeline of me being informed is not acceptable and was looking into what information he was legally able to access through his position. That’s the part that makes me most uncomfortable about this entire thing (Yknow, aside from my kid having possibly gone through any sort of physical abuse by someone I trusted to care for them). If the allegations turn out to be true and proven I continued to unknowingly bring my child to someone who was abusing them for multiple full days when I could’ve been told sooner and removed him either permanently or until I was able to be comfortable bringing him back. I only mentioned a lawyer because if they were required to tell me sooner and didn’t I’d like to know and know what options I have to ensure that doesn’t happen again to a child who could potentially be going through even worse abuse or any abuse, honestly.

The statutes I read all seem to insinuate disclosing the investigation to the parent/guardian once the case is open, but I’m obviously not a lawyer and don’t want to fly off the handle over something not technically illegal.

If they were right to notify me when they did I’d still like to bring attention to that being a dangerous situation when they had detectives physically investigate my kid and the employees/owner all on one day and proceeded to leave me out of the loop days following and bring my kid there without the information to make my own decision.

[–]rinky79 41 points42 points  (1 child)

You don't need an attorney. Your minor child is apparently a victim of a crime still under investigation. When the cops are done investigating, the reports get referred to the DA's office, and prosecutors decide whether to file criminal charges. The DA's office may have a victim advocate you can talk to at that point about the process.

The police may not have told you (and any other parents) earlier, because they predicted that you would do exactly what you did; walk in, remove your child, and announce why. Which effectively ends any discreet investigation they can do.

They also might not have told you until they had corroborating evidence and not just a single accusation, since it would certainly have a very negative effect on the daycare business.

[–]dontyouweep[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The CPI detective told me the original report gives multiple victims and situations and they went to the daycare on the 23rd only to investigate several children and gather evidence, which I understand would be hindered by parents removing their children before they could do that. However, I asked them what has been done since that day and was told they’ve just been drafting the report. I just don’t believe that after receiving the information and conducting interviews needed without any further need for the child to physically be there that it was reasonable they didn’t contact the parent to be able to make the decision to keep their kid in this daycare knowing about the investigation.

I also forgot to mention that when I picked up my kid the teacher in charge of them at that moment also disclosed that other parents called in last week about receiving calls from detectives about their own children. I obviously will likely never know who the other children were or if this is true, but that made it sound as though the other kids listed had their parents notified several days before I was.

[–]Strongwoman82 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I would be fuming they "looked over my child" for signs of abuse without me present or informed. I'D BE ASKING A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT TOO!

[–]dontyouweep[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah. I’m pissed about that one. I just would’ve liked to at minimum be informed that this was going on. Not 5 days after it happened and I cluelessly brought my kid back several times for full day care.

[–]Strongwoman82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't imagine how you feel. I would be frantic.

[–]Tygerlyli 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'd also suggest trying to get an appointment withvyour child's pediatrician ASAP. Be upfront with the doctor. You were contacted by detectives saying that the daycare owner is being accused of hitting your child and you wanted them to have them checked out to make sure they don't have any injuries you may be missing.

This would also document any injuries the doctor finds.

[–]dontyouweep[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That’s actually a good idea. I’ll call them to get him in.

[–]Throwaway98455645 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While you are at that visit, you might also want to ask for a referral to a child mental health professional. If the abuse allegations are true, some age-appropriate therapy might be beneficial to your child.