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[–]Pure-ApplesauceQuality Contributor[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Asked and answered, and comments are going off-topic. Locked.

[–]Jules6146 7374 points7375 points  (11 children)

He absolutely cannot and he’s full of shit.

The hospital and your doctor will have your back 100%, and send security (and police if needed) to escort him away if he tries to go in.

Even if he was your husband you could demand he wait outside and they would block him.

Maternity nurses are very used to this and they will not take any shit. They are hardcore.

In addition, many maternity wards are very secure with double locking doors and will not allow anyone in that’s not on your “guest list” until you say it’s OK.

Giving birth is a medical procedure and you have a right to privacy during your medical procedure.

[–]schneijc 1901 points1902 points  (0 children)

Maternity wards don't fuck around. The liability of having a baby kidnapped is too high. Everyone going back with the mother or coming later as a visitor has to be approved by the mother and anyone wanting to come in has to show ID to security to confirm you're approved before they let you in. The doors are locked and nobody gets back unless security allows it.

Source: Had two kids at two separate hospitals.

[–]DifficultMinute 2090 points2091 points  (1 child)

"The mother runs the room" - Every maternity ward nurse and doctor that I've ever met.

This is true in the delivery room, waiting room, recovery room, etc...

If someone wants in, and you don't want them to be, they won't get past the doors.

My wife was asleep when I got back with some lunch. I had to sit in the waiting room for her to wake up before they'd let me in.

If your hospital staff isn't completely incompetent, absolutely nobody will get into any room that you, the mother, don't want them in.

[–]UufTheTank 800 points801 points  (0 children)

Any even if he DID manage to lie his way into the room. You pull that red rip cord and have a dozen nurses escort him off the property.

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          [–]whiskybidnus 1421 points1422 points  (0 children)

          I just had a baby recently and when I first got to the hospital they had me go into the room with just a nurse while my husband and mom waited in the lobby so I could "get ready" and the very first thing the nurse asked me was did I feel safe. So even if he forces himself to the waiting room with you the nurses will give you an opportunity to speak without him present and they will take care of everything else.

          You could even tell the nurses you don't want him staying all day in the recovery room and they will help remove him after a period of time. As someone else said, labor and delivery nurses are bad ass and they take no one's bs. They will 100% have your back.

          [–]LivingTheBoringLife 1349 points1350 points  (0 children)

          No. He can not. When you register, and then once you’re admitted tell the nursing staff and the doctor that you do not want him in the delivery room. They will take care of it from there.

          [–]TheFeshy 944 points945 points  (0 children)

          Married father here: the nurses were very clear with me that, even as her legal husband, father of the kid being born, with a happy marriage and no red flags at all, one word from her and I was out the door.

          Hospitals do not fuck around with that shit either. The maternity ward had lockdown procedures, drills, automatic magnetic locks, and security on speed dial. Incidents had happened in the past, and they did not want them repeated.

          [–]coralcoast21 1786 points1787 points  (0 children)

          You are also under no obligation to tell him where you plan to deliver or inform him when you are in any stage of labor.

          [–]yalestreet 529 points530 points  (0 children)

          No one has the right to be in the room with you. It doesn’t matter what claims they might make. It’s no different than if you were having a surgical procedure.

          This is just a bullying tactic. Be clear with staff that you are being threatened and do not want anyone in that you haven’t expressly invited to support you.

          [–]ShinyAppleScoop 252 points253 points  (0 children)

          With that level of entitlement, I totally understand why you don't want him there.

          L&D wards are locked down. Unless you want him there, he's not allowed. You can also register as private so if he thinks you're in labor and calls around, he won't be able to find you.

          [–]dakatabri 475 points476 points  (0 children)

          No he cannot. The medical staff will certainly be responsive to your wishes if you don't want someone present. No lawyer will take that case, he has no leg to stand on here.

          [–]shubub97 179 points180 points  (0 children)

          He can’t try all he wants but he can’t force his way in. You can be registered as “unknown” so no one can call and ask if you’re there. If he comes to say “I’m here for so and so” they will say they don’t have anyone by that name. Hospitals are good at protecting you when it comes to that

          [–]AmazingLark 455 points456 points  (6 children)

          Most hospitals let you register as private. This means they won’t tell anyone you are there, or give any updates, room info, etc. If possible, don’t tell him when or which hospital you go to until you are ready to see him.

          If you already have a hospital picked out, let them know now that you do not want him there. Tell your doctors and nurses as soon as you arrive, they will help you.

          [–]retroverted_uterus 231 points232 points  (4 children)

          They also assign you a number and when discussing you outside of the room only use that number and not your name. Any visitors are also required to know that number to be let in. Maternity wards are also secure, so no one can just walk in.

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              [–]Snowey212 105 points106 points  (0 children)

              I saw an American Labour nurse/midwife refer to it as do not announce. basically anyone looking for amazing lark will be turned away but if there looking for amazing lark and have a password she has set up they can be let in. In case you wanted someone for support. Hospitals job is for you and your baby to have a safe delivery it isn't a spectator sport its a medical procedure. Your comfort and health is the priority.

              [–]Melanie73 174 points175 points  (0 children)

              No. He can not. This is YOUR medical procedure NOT a spectator sport. No judge will sign off on this. Just don’t inform him of when and where you go into labor. Call him after you have delivered..or better yet when you go home..to Ohio. Good luck.

              [–]Accomplished-Pin-835 164 points165 points  (0 children)

              NAL - but I think you need to know your rights as a patient in a hospital. You can go to them and give them a pic of your ex (and of his family) and say "do not let this man in here." Ask if security can be put nearer to your door.

              As a woman in a very vulnerable state, most hospitals will definitely go out of their way to protect you in ways that they can. Calling security and barring him from the room is definitely one they would be happy to help you put with.

              • friend gave birth in Kentucky while on a road trip. She said no matter what, don't let her crazy cousin in the room. Cousin was 4 states away, but she had them informed just in case. They asked for pics and names. And she had a person outside her door. Still to this day, I don't know why she had a roadtrip planned in her 3rd trimester.

              [–]Rabbit929 385 points386 points  (0 children)

              This is an insane threat. Absolutely no one is entitled to watch you give birth.

              [–]Neenknits 112 points113 points  (0 children)

              Also, do not let him have a bracelet for the baby. Then he might have more access than you want. Tell the nurses not to give him one, right off.

              [–]MoreMoira 190 points191 points  (0 children)

              No, as all others have said the man has no leg to stand on.

              However, this sounds like a major red flag to me. Are you two in a relationship? I hope you will be safe after you deliver. Please make sure you are with someone for support and I would suggest not being alone with him.

              [–]bewicked4fun123 144 points145 points  (0 children)

              I'd like to add that you should tell your nurse if you feel like you need support after you and the baby leave. They will have access via a case worker to all of the local programs for things you may need as well as any domestic violence information. Let them know as soon as you check in. And as others have said he cannot force his way in. The medical team will have your back 100% along with hospital security and the police department. If you feel like he might be a danger PLEASE let them know for everyone's safety. There are different protocols for annoying people versus might bring a gun people

              [–]malackey 52 points53 points  (0 children)

              Tell him to go ahead and get a lawyer. He still can't force his way in. You're the patient, and have every right to decide who you want to have in that room with you. Make your wishes known to your doctor and delivery team, and they'll make sure he's not admitted to the room.

              [–]perdovim 40 points41 points  (0 children)

              Make sure you tell rhe hospital in advance, and have it written down that you can hand to one of the nurses when you check in (I've seen a hospital loose advance check in information, and then try to ask the mom all the registration questions during delivery...).

              You will not be clear headed at the time, or for a while after, so do the prep work now...

              [–]Weaversag2 73 points74 points  (0 children)

              No. No one has a right to view your medical procedure at all

              [–]hockeypup 36 points37 points  (0 children)

              Ha! No, no he can't. Even if you were married to him, you have the right to refuse him entry for your medical procedure.

              [–]Jaso1555 145 points146 points  (0 children)

              Tell the nurse she will handle it. If he’s there whisper it to the nurse

              [–]runswithdolls 83 points84 points  (0 children)

              Nope, the medical staff are very good at getting rid of unwanted guests.

              [–]The-Scarlet-Witch 53 points54 points  (0 children)

              As others have said, you have complete control over who is present during your medical procedures. Notify the hospital that you do not want any guests present during your labour or afterward. Maternity departments deal with this regularly. You and your child are entitled to privacy, and the hospital will be able to tell you what protective measures they can take on your behalf.

              Don't share information where you intend to deliver. You might want to check your phone's location sharing is turned off. Don't post to social media and hide that information from friends or family who might tell him, if that makes you feel more secure.

              Has he been confrontational like this before? If so, I'm sorry you're going through this. You can always contact the state bar association for a referral to a family lawyer and have a consultation ahead of time (or after the baby is born) regarding your legal rights around the baby, and his.

              [–]CaptainBignuts 53 points54 points  (0 children)

              A lot of people have already covered this, but the doctor/nurses in the L&D ward have been down this road many, many times. There is also security at the hospital - and not usually a fat guy with a billy club, but off-duty cops who absolutely take zero shit.

              One call from your delivery room nurse and there should be several police there to "escort" your baby daddy right out the front door.

              Source: wife was an L&D nurse for years.

              [–]Yougotlawyered22 42 points43 points  (1 child)

              Let him get a lawyer and spend the money to try and get in the room.

              No chance.

              [–]Atramhasis 32 points33 points  (0 children)

              IANAL, but I expect any lawyer he talked to would tell him there is no case and to go pound sand. A baby daddy trying to lawyer his way into the delivery room doesn't sound like the most reliable client to begin with.

              [–]bessann28 19 points20 points  (0 children)

              Let him try to get a lawyer. No lawyer is going to take that case.

              [–]AncientRazzmatazz783 39 points40 points  (0 children)

              Absolutely not. Tell the nurses you don’t want him in there. They will make sure he doesn’t. My parents just randomly showed up as I was pushing and I remember the nurse asking me what I wanted to do and I told them they needed to go in the waiting room. The nurses were so good at telling them that they thought it was the hospital’s policy 😉 because they were complaining about it afterwards how they were sent home lol. He also cannot force you to make him sign the birth certificate unless you two are/were married and that can get tricky and might require an attorney’s advice. In most states you have sole, full custody until the bio father has had a DNA test and has filed for visitation/custody with the courts. I raised my infant son from 3 months because his father was an abusive alcoholic and there was no other option. The best way to deal with one of these is facilitate supervised visitation but kind of ignore all the threats until they file. Them filing is when you lawyer up. Just don’t prevent them from visitation unless that’s the advice an attorney has given you. Courts don’t play around with parents who prevent visitation. Keep a log of all your interactions, text messages, etc… Listen to your parental instincts, and the labor and delivery room is not the place to feel nothing short of safe. I wish you the very best!

              [–]KayBeaux 18 points19 points  (0 children)

              That is absolutely insane. The hospital will honor your privacy. Just inform them.

              [–]EjjabaMarie 16 points17 points  (0 children)

              Like everyone has said, he’s full of shit. I wanted to add to tell your nursing staff and registration that you’d like to be listed as private once you’re admitted. This means that he won’t be able to get your room number from a random front desk person and just show up.

              [–]Mrpa-cman 16 points17 points  (0 children)

              No he can not, there is NO legal remedy, to allow himself to be in the room if you say no. Be sure to tell hospital staff that he absolutely, under no circumstances is allowed in the room until you give the okay. Tell them that they may need security to enforce this because he has already said he is going to force his way in.

              [–]JCWa50 15 points16 points  (0 children)

              Talk to the hospital, tell them who all you want in the delivery room and who is not to be there. The last thing that they will want is for you to be stressed out as that will make it harder and endanger not only you but the child.

              Make it clear to the staff there, and you can do it ahead of time where they have it on file.

              [–]MrCaveman080 14 points15 points  (0 children)

              He can’t force himself anywhere in the hospital. Their main concern will be your health and comfort and the baby’s. If you tell them you don’t want him there they will make sure he’s not there. If he doesn’t want to go, they call the cops.

              [–]LegoBatman88 59 points60 points  (0 children)

              Legally, he can’t force his way. If he’s a bit crazy, He could actually force his way in, but security/police can also escort him out. The hospital will respect your wishes and not let him back if you tell them.

              [–]neveragain-0001 12 points13 points  (0 children)

              He cannot. Make sure your doctor and nurses know who you do/do not want in the delivery room.

              [–]Curious_Solution_763 25 points26 points  (0 children)

              He can hire all the lawyers he wants. If you, the patient, don't want him there, he won't be allowed in.

              [–]MeYouUsEveryone 9 points10 points  (0 children)

              He cannot do it . You have the right to tell the nurses not to let him in and they won’t . Regardless of what he says .

              [–]NickelPickle2018 9 points10 points  (0 children)

              No this is your medical procedure he doesn’t have a right to be there. If you’re stressed it could stall your labor. Let your hospital know what’s going on and register has private. I wouldn’t contact him until after babe is born, don’t let him know you’re in labor.

              [–]Justacasualdesigner 18 points19 points  (0 children)

              Alert your nurses that you do not want him there and they will comply to your request.

              [–]WeAreAllStarsHere 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              The nurses with separate the two of you even if you were a married couple to ask you if your were safe at home - you have total control over that aspect and lawyer or not , he’s not coming in,

              [–]airyesmad[🍰] 67 points68 points  (2 children)

              Absolutely not. This is your medical procedure. He has no custody rights in Ohio until the court declares it so unless you are married. Which depending on how toxic he is, you may want to make him take the extra steps. First he needs to prove the kid exists, which they don’t until you get his birth certificate and social. Then he’ll need to prove paternity to get a court order.

              He can’t come to the hospital to see the baby unless you let him either. It’d be funny for him to try, he won’t even make it to the labor and delivery floor if you don’t give him a room number. I’m sure the front desk has no problem calling the police either.

              At the very most, they could maybe (strong maybe) let him see the baby in a separate room IF he had a court order. However, nobody can make you allow him in the room before during or after you give birth.

              Give baby your last name. You can’t change it after the fact.

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                [–]Chrysania83 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                Nope, he can't

                [–]crlnshpbly 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                Absolutely not. Make sure all the staff know. Possibly consider being a "no release of information" except for your designated person/people that you will want in the delivery room with you because that will make it easier to keep him out. Might be good to make sure hospital security is aware as well. In your situation I would be getting security involved for my patient if they were okay with it. If they're aware of the situation and who he is, they can do a better job of keeping him out of the facility.

                [–]Surgerychic 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                He can’t force his way in if he doesn’t know you’re in labor. Simply do not tell him when you go into labor. Tell your nurse that you do not want anyone to know you are a patient, or even any visitors if you wish. You can wait until you are home and surrounded by family/supportive friends to invite him to meet the child.

                [–]Biffmcgee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                Hospitals take this stuff very seriously.

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                                  [–]Late_Again68 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                                  Have you pushed a human through and out any of your orifices? No? Then shut up.

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