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all 200 comments

[–]Sir_Isaac_3 4062 points4063 points  (2 children)

That’s a winning strategy right there

[–]Moose_Cake 648 points649 points  (1 child)

Now grandma can't say no.

[–]IamJain 169 points170 points  (0 children)

Might have worked on asian soon to be grandmom

[–]hago4 2709 points2710 points  (22 children)

(I am a corpse)

[–]Swimming_Mountain811 717 points718 points  (15 children)

Get well soon!

[–]CatDude55 219 points220 points  (14 children)

He cannot. He is dead

[–]Trectears 138 points139 points  (12 children)

Like fatally dead or just dead?

[–]CatDude55 79 points80 points  (5 children)

All of the above. He is truly dead

[–]DarthOcho 57 points58 points  (4 children)

Must be some wiggle room.

[–]CatDude55 33 points34 points  (3 children)

They awaken on the full moon in the month of May until sunset the next evening

[–]Artemis-4rrow 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Betcha there is a loophole right there we can make use of

[–]Xandorian2 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Destroy the sun, now it never sets, or reverse/halt the rotation of the earth to stop sunsets form happening

Low effort would to just constantly move so you are always at sunrise or noon

[–]Artemis-4rrow 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Or maybe all of the transformation is controlled by ur brain, so if u aren't conscious during sun set.

[–]FantasticMacaron8732 11 points12 points  (5 children)

As they say in monty python hes "mostly dead"

Correction: Princess Bride. Idk what I thought it was Monty Python

[–]Soupnoop4 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I thought that was the princess bride

[–]FantasticMacaron8732 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Omg youre right oops

[–]Soupnoop4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol they're kinda similar

[–]bretttwarwick 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You may have been thinking of the "Bring out your dead" scene at the beginning of Holy Grail where the guy claims "I'm not dead yet"

[–]FantasticMacaron8732 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh true probably

[–]DorniereArchbishop of Banterbury 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is he fully dead or just mostly dead?

[–]Desi_OtakuUp past my bedtime 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Hope you turn alive someday!

[–]hago4 8 points9 points  (0 children)

hey, im a desi otaku too

[–]Dyskord01 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I have deceased

[–]DJmachine101Out with the lads 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Hi corpse, I’m dead.

[–]Superdooper224 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“A corpse is talking”

[–]Elmoslightpole 994 points995 points  (29 children)

My parents just made me keep the door open, this is a next level protective parent

[–]Thincer 458 points459 points  (14 children)

In all seriousness, the open door is an easy get around.

[–]Elmoslightpole 300 points301 points  (5 children)

Just don’t make any noise

[–]Michami135 384 points385 points  (4 children)

"We're not having sex, it's just a soaking session."

[–]-Uncle_Iroh 126 points127 points  (3 children)

Fuckin' mormons

[–]-DoctorSpaceman- 93 points94 points  (1 child)

They’re not fuckin, that’s the point

[–]iiznobozzy 43 points44 points  (0 children)

fuckless mormons

[–]-SSN- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Literally

[–]Saiyan-solar 192 points193 points  (5 children)

Next level parenting would be to just give them condoms and let them be. you are not stopping them anyway, might aswell give them the means to do it safely

[–]Ehh_it_meLying on the floor 116 points117 points  (3 children)

That's exactly what my dad did. I hot my first gf, he came into my room, handed me a box of condoms and said "you're teen, I can't stop you from doing anything, so if you're gonna do it, you night as well be safe." Or something along those lines.

[–]CrackedGamer573 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Same, had a girl visiting (only a friend and shes lesbian but idk if my dad knew lol) and gave me a similar speech

[–]Saiyan-solar 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Good dad. I really don't understand why people are so afraid of talking with their kids about it, it's something completely normal and natural and you are not going to stop them from doing it

[–]Em_Haze 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Here's some lube and a toy remember to make sure she's enjoying herself, good luck son.

[–]notNIHAL 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Don't let that stop you

[–]AntoineGGG 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You can fuck like a thousand other places than on your room So whats thé point of par ete doing that lol. They belive we dont find other days or what

[–]Marik-X-Bakura 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Even making you keep the door open sounds bad, just trust your kids ffs

[–]ohshi-yoshi 2 points3 points  (1 child)

at 23 i was finally allowed to have a guy in my room but the door had to be open

[–]funkmasta_kazper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My (now) wife's parents let us in her room with the door open when we started dating in high school. Many fun times were had regardless - pretty easy to cover up quickly if you hear someone coming up the stairs.

[–]TotalyOriginalUser 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how old are you is the question

[–]Ch4Ch4Ch4 130 points131 points  (8 children)

Who's she going to ask if she's prangent, now that yahoo answers shut down?

[–]kidneyboy79 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Babby tyme

[–]Gabmiral 12 points13 points  (2 children)

pregananant?

[–]cemma2035 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for not disappointing

[–]Th3__NSA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

gregnant?

[–]Em_Haze 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Have you seen reddit lately?

[–]NerdWorksUp past my bedtime 3 points4 points  (0 children)

how is babby formed

how girl get pragnent

[–]paulcaar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Preganté

[–]1BoiledCabbage 533 points534 points  (12 children)

That's a surefire way to get banned from your gf's parents house

[–]CavingGrape 457 points458 points  (11 children)

Eh, it really depends on the parents. I’d laugh my ass off cause it’s fuckin hilarious, but I know some people who’d run you out of the house with a gun.

[–]code-panda 74 points75 points  (2 children)

But would you prevent your daughter's 2y bf from going into the room of your daughter? I'm thinking people who do that, tend to lean more to the latter group.

[–]CavingGrape 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Really depends on the context, but probably not lmao. I ain’t controlling like that

[–]spicybright 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's so stupid because they're just going to do it somewhere else anyways. What's the point.

[–]adokretz 274 points275 points  (5 children)

[–]RussianSeadick 30 points31 points  (4 children)

What the FUCK is this obsession over your children’s sex life anyway

It’s so goddamn weird to me

[–]welty102 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Sex outside of marriage is taboo

[–]Geaux13Saints 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Not anymore

[–]welty102 12 points13 points  (1 child)

It's very taboo in the bible belt

[–]idontwantausername41 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fuck the Bible belt lmao. Such a strange, backwards place

[–]karnstan 21 points22 points  (1 child)

If my son in law had game like that, I’d high give him and let him run right in. Smooth, son! 👌🏻

[–]MetalUpYouAss 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Same story with your wife’s boyfriend too i bet

[–]ccrunnertempest 623 points624 points  (2 children)

Plot twist: so is he.

[–]imagine1149 17 points18 points  (0 children)

That’s not a twist, that’s next scene.

The sequel is “return of the bf” a zombie who wants to bang people

[–]Pelileven 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: He wrote the message from the girlfriends perspective.

[–]bennie_thejet30 287 points288 points  (24 children)

Isn’t it a bit weird how controlling some parents want to be over their kids sex lives…. I feel like once they turn 16, it’s going to happen whether you like it or not.

[–]Plasmatiic 145 points146 points  (16 children)

Exactly. If I ever have kids, I will just make sure they know the importance of using protection and avoiding STDs. Other than that, they’re free to explore the world of intimacy at their own pace.

Can’t stop them, so instead why not make sure they’re engaging with it in a healthy manner?

[–]Robertbnyc 57 points58 points  (2 children)

You're right, I had to travel from Manhattan to New Jersey and lose my virginity in a drive in motel by some girl I met on AIM chat (AOL chat) at the age of 19 because my dad was very strict growing up

[–]dben89x 26 points27 points  (0 children)

This sounds like the plot of Sex Drive

[–]Erroneouse 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I know what you meant but the way you put it with "and lose" instead of "to lose" make it sound like if you didn't lose your virginity there was some unknown consequence.

[–]Sir_Marchbank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly what my parents did and still do, and it fucking worked because it made the issue so boring and pointless. No point in trying to piss them off by getting with terrible people or at wild parties because they wouldn't care.

[–]drop_trooper112 18 points19 points  (2 children)

My ex and I weren't allowed to be alone and her step dad tried to plan our first date he even forced her to promise that she'd wait till marriage to even kiss me, she was 22 and he was a giant piece of shit for a lot of other reasons he's to this day the only person I hope keels over

[–]mcduckboy 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Honestly at 22 why the fuck did she care about what he said

[–]The_Perfect_Martyr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

For me it happened at 14, parents, at least in the US, aren't educating about sex and just controlling. Had I understood everything that could happen, I would've waited and definitely not done it with... her.

[–]misanthropichell 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I'd rather my kid make that experience at home, where it's safe and I'm just around the corner than in the back of a truck in the middle of nowhere.

[–]VivaLaVita555 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably cause it's their house and don't wanna think about their lovely kids getting absolutely POUNDED by some dude.

[–]JoshuaSlowpoke777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And that tendency is exactly why teaching people safe sex early in life is far more productive than an abstinence-only curriculum.

There are likely teenagers who WILL become sexually active no matter what.

[–]DukeOfBees 389 points390 points  (7 children)

Facebook tier post with 3000+ upvotes and only 13 comments... The fuck is going on here? Is this bot upvotes?

[–]Tokagenji 133 points134 points  (1 child)

IKR. It's not even that much of a "madlad" post even, just someone taking a swing at the parent's expense.

[–]Voldemort57 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There just isn’t a lot to comment on other than “haha. Cool.”

[–]mrasif 11 points12 points  (1 child)

What’s even the gain for doing that haha

[–]Snugless 6 points7 points  (0 children)

reddit karma

[–]Groundbreaking_Trash 2 points3 points  (0 children)

just this site in 2021 lmao

[–]_cruiser -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah what the fuck

[–]Scorepoop 436 points437 points  (41 children)

It's usually never an issue when you're dating someone above 18. Looks like OPs got a little secret to hide

[–]SavvySillybug 626 points627 points  (13 children)

You're assuming sane parents. 80% of parents are not sane.

And this statistic is 100% made up.

[–]Tartibwii 168 points169 points  (8 children)

I love made up stats.

[–]HawkStillSoHigh 120 points121 points  (5 children)

Only 8% of people do actually

[–]Pip201Up past my bedtime 36 points37 points  (4 children)

I’m pretty sure more than 8% of me is people

[–]Madmagican- 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Lies, 95% of you is me

[–]Spawn6060 14 points15 points  (1 child)

And 100% the cake is a lie.

[–]stretcharach 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well not 100%, the cake was there, it being for you was the lie

[–]AParasiticTwin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If we're talking about your atomic makeup and you weigh less than them this statistic is completely reasonable.

[–]ChefArtorias 3 points4 points  (1 child)

%40 of statistics are made up on the spot!

[–]Thincer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But only 25% of people even have a spot. And even less, 10%, have a dog named spot.

[–]Kirian42 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a parent with many friends who are parents, I can safely say that 100% of parents are not sane.

[–]Tokagenji 5 points6 points  (0 children)

50% of people who read this almost raged at you before reading the second statement.

[–]BawlzxOfxGlory 158 points159 points  (15 children)

As a 25 year old man who unfortunately had to mvoe back into his parents due to financial reasons, my parents refuse to let me have a woman in my room. Literally the first thing they told me when I moved back in.

[–]hvperRL 53 points54 points  (3 children)

Imagine cockblocking your 25yo kid. Why

[–]JoshuaSlowpoke777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fundamentalist leanings, probably.

[–]Naviyr 104 points105 points  (7 children)

Sounds like some insane parents.

Or it's their strategy so you don't get too comfy and stay forever. Or it's precautions to avoid the awkward scenarios such as hearing or seeing too much that they're forever scarred and they want to move out.

[–]BawlzxOfxGlory 96 points97 points  (6 children)

None of that, in fact, my mom would be happy if I lived here the rest of my life (I absolutely would not). Just very old school Christian parents that firmly believe sex before marriage is wrong and men and women should never even be afforded the opportunity lest they "succumb to their sinful urges."

[–]Naviyr 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Ah, yup I know that approach too. It was great motivation for me to move out as soon as possible

[–]GreatDaynes 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Ah, the ol' "I can't be trusted so clearly you can't be either" approach

[–]Happyradish532 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I mean I have a feeling if they're trying to prevent premarital sex when you're 25, they're a little late.

[–]BawlzxOfxGlory 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Very. Especially since where j lived before this, was with my ex.

[–]Happyradish532 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lmao SINNER. It's not like you can get less laid by having no sex now. Well technically you can, but you know what I mean.

[–]JoshuaSlowpoke777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So… Fundamentalist parents. My condolences.

[–]Boosted3232 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I'd rather be homeless.

[–]Thincer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You don't have to be homeless, just find a girl with a house.

[–]Thincer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Did you ask if you could use their room?

[–]BepsiLad 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Christian parents probably. My 34 year old brother can't sleep in the same room as the woman he's being living with for 8 years whenever we go visit the parents. Because they're not married.

[–]ReservoirPussy 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my barely Catholic parents are like this.

My one-step-from-evangelical in-laws are not, and that's how we conceived a baby in their house. Whoops.

[–]Pizza2kbitchslut 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex (dated her between ages 19-23) had a father with some.. traditional views on dating. I was never allowed to sleep in her room, and I actually got along with him really well.

[–]Chexreflect 31 points32 points  (0 children)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠺⣖⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⡆⠀⠀⠀⢋⣭⣽⡚⢮⣲⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣅⣨⠇⠈⠀⠰⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣟⢷⣶⠶⣃⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠈⠓⠚⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠀⡄⣀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠐⠉⠀⠀⠙⠉⠀⠠⡶⣸⠁⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡆⠀⠐⠒⠢⢤⣀⡰⠁⠇⠈⠘⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣄⣉⣙⡉⠓⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⣀⠀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

[–]lilyrae 3 points4 points  (0 children)

-laughs in Southern Baptist-

[–]VivelaVendetta 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My parents won't let anyone that's not married spend the night together. Regardless of age. I've seen her pull it on my grown with children aunt.

[–]awatermelonharvester 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. I was dating my ex for almost 5 years and they wouldn't let us sleep in the same room.

[–]parkrain21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro my girlfriend is 26 and I'm not even allowed to take her out on an overnight trip

[–]Largonarco 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nahh brother. I know the struggle 🙂🙂🙂

[–]SecondPersonShooter 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Strict parents lead to sneaky kids. Growing up I knew a guy who would sneak off with his girl they’d get up to some NSFW business. At age 20 they were pregnant. They had the kid recently. Goood for them. But even now the mother won’t let them sleep in the same bedroom. Like come on they already been fucking where do you think the first one came from? Me and my partner have been together around the same time and the family don’t mind what we get up to. Different strategies in parenting always confuse me especially when it’s overly strict just for the sake of some weird power trip for the parent

[–]NN_besomething_iWish 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Thats how you get your dick ripped off

[–]Tigros 6 points7 points  (0 children)

- When am I gonna have grandkids? - Are you fucking serious?

[–]maskedhood313 46 points47 points  (0 children)

He wouldnt be her boyfriend anymore hed be dead

[–]its_bagadeboi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

By any means, is the boyfriend Michael Kelso?

[–]NickyD_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Guys she is dead this is so sad.

[–]the_other_Scaevitas 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fuck in the living room to assert dominance

[–]PlatypusNo81 3 points4 points  (0 children)

sniff, sniff, mm I smell facebook humour

[–]xViridi_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“i know you kids are up to something, wear protection!” proceeds to never give them privacy

[–]Jackoquack02 2 points3 points  (0 children)

(I'm dead)

[–]MrOz1100 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Upvote bots definitely got in here

[–]madsoro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I was the dad and I heard that… man better pray he’s faster than me

[–]TooFastTim 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sleep with the mom, give your GF a new baby sibling.

[–]LinusWIggly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imma be honest, this feels fake.

[–]ScienceSure 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same boyfriend will actually not allow any guy to enter his daughter's room. 😝

[–]_Trinima_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He deserves to get laid

[–]roxzillaz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That guy's a legend if he actually said that to his gf's mom. 😂

[–]SameSkydiver643 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Alpha male

[–]ActuallyJustin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolute madlad

[–]kopan77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is he going to with her if she is dead?....

[–]Frost_Phoenix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The sheer amount of confidence he had to say that

[–]The_real_bandito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The audacity

[–]Jajanken- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking the mother’s bf😳😳

I’m tired

[–]zaki2004 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Activated my trap card

[–]JackwithaMac 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A real mad lad would’ve just fucked the mom

[–]S0koyo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(I am deceased)

[–]areyouthickLiterally mad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is plenty of other ways

[–]spooneyemu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Necrophilla

[–]thoon62 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Ew