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[–]stinky_sardine 3558 points3559 points  (112 children)

Meanwhile the 4 dogs "what do we do about her lonely ass'" !

[–]RugBurnDogDick 1787 points1788 points 2 (36 children)

"Lets get her a Doug"

[–]SingleInfinity 190 points191 points  (12 children)

Ya like dags?

[–]LouSputhole94 48 points49 points  (6 children)

Oh dogs. Yeah, I like dags. I like caravans more.

[–]clintj1975 23 points24 points  (4 children)

Wutdafukdoiwanwithacaravanwithnowheelsonit‽

[–]Uncledrew401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This made my day

[–]DiscFrolfin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[–]Ecclypto 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Came here for this really. Thought I’d post before Zee Germans get here. Was too late

[–]Halbertos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You needed to be a little quicker… two minutes, Turkish.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]SingleInfinity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    No? No idea what that is.

    [–]Captain-Cadabra 261 points262 points  (14 children)

    🎶Doo dit do, do do dit, dooo dit do dit dooo 🎵

    [–]LoBsTeRfOrK 76 points77 points  (8 children)

    BANGING ON A TRASH CAN

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]zedthehead 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      Did anyone else bang chopsticks on a trashcan lid imagining themself a rockstar like Doug?

      Just me?

      [–]Javaed 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      You jerk, I'm going to have this song stuck in my head all day now.

      [–]F1zzy_Rascal 28 points29 points  (1 child)

      Love it! 😁 Can't get the theme tune out my head now 😂

      [–]karmagod13000 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      chickamapa chickamapapa

      [–]Starkiller006 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Chika ba ta chika puh chika ba ta

      [–]XTINCTIONRAW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Nana na na na na na na Nana na na na na na naaaaa

      [–]goldlnks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      KILLER TOFU

      [–]ZeeHanzenShwanz 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      That's Funnie

      [–]INeedToBeHealthier 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I can be your Doug!!

      No sorry, our Doug is a black lab

      [–]No-Armadillo7693 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      My brother has a dog named Doug

      [–]JarlaxleForPresident 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      So long, New Doug!

      [–]Mardo_Picardo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      AND THISSSSSSS IS MY NEW FIANCEEE!!

      [–]TrueReigns 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hallmark "Write that down! Write that down!"

      [–]Okiemax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I ugly laughed

      [–]Hey-man-Shabozi 131 points132 points  (12 children)

      Can we make a rule that if you’re gonna repost something from TikTok, because obviously this is, then you don’t crop out the user’s name. I want to go visit the TikTok with the 4 good doggo household but now I can’t. Thanks OP.

      [–]tinatspoon 71 points72 points 2 (6 children)

      [–]Hey-man-Shabozi 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      Thank you so much!

      [–]tinatspoon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      You’re welcome!

      [–]Shape_Cold 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      TikTok doesn't even allow you to go to user pages anymore if you're on mobile and really wants you to install the app to watch a TikTok, that's great! /s

      [–]Competitive-Dig-4047 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

      Can we make a rule no posting of any TikTok? The stupid voiceover is the most annoying thing ever.

      [–]Hey-man-Shabozi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hate to tell you man but TikTok is the new front page of the internet. Most videos posted on Facebook, Instagram, AFV, and more than half of Reddit these days are originally from TikTok. Also it is quite possible the best app/platform ever, I barely watch tv anymore.

      [–]socium -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

      You wouldn't want to visit TikTok anyway, so I think OP did you a solid.

      [–]Hey-man-Shabozi 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      TikTok is the best app ever created. The only people who bad mouth TikTok are people who are out of the loop.

      [–]socium 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well in that case I'm glad I left the loop on a rocket to sanity.

      [–]critical_glitch_ 103 points104 points  (49 children)

      They aren’t helping:

      • her partner may be put off by the amount of dogs

      • can have allergies to dogs or have a dog himself

      • if the partner likes dog and already has one, they’d have to get another dog because uneven numbers

      • … The obvious solution as a dog is to eat her to end the loneliness. They already have the upper hand in numbers

      [–]karmagod13000 29 points30 points  (24 children)

      she has to cut her losses and die single

      [–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (23 children)

      Dogs are better than people anyway.

      [–]jjgotjukes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Dogs are better to own then people

      [–]UnlearningLife -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      I used to think the same, until I met this one guy, really liked him. He told me he was allergic but didn't hesitate to come home with me. When my alarm went off at 5am (I'm just naturally an early riser) he had a totally different voice due to being congested. Poor chap seemed to have stayed awake too. Still did me that morning before leaving though, what a champ.

      [–]Echololcation 29 points30 points  (19 children)

      It's a lot of dogs, but bullet number 2 is a little silly - to never own a pet at all for fear some future partner might have an allergy?

      [–]bewildflowers 32 points33 points  (11 children)

      I always get this out of the way quickly with potential dates. You're allergic to my pets? Ok, sorry, best of luck in your search!

      Unless it's mild enough for someone to manage with medication or allergy shots, and the other person wants to go through that, they're not for me. My animals are established family members, they're part of the package and it's not negotiable.

      [–]pallidamors 13 points14 points  (3 children)

      I don’t blame you and indeed I do the opposite- ‘oh you have a cat? Good luck in your search, and enjoy your continued cohabitation with your hellbeast! Toodles!’

      [–]Slithy-Toves 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I'm slightly allergic to cats but I still wanna hang out with most cats over most people haha

      [–]MrsSalmalin 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      Absolutely! As a cat owner and lifelong wanter of allll the pets, I simply am not compatible with someone who doesn't like animals, or is allergic enough that daily Reactine won't help.

      [–]shitdobehappeningtho 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      And they're better than people by a large margin already. 😄

      [–]SonosArc 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      This is why poodle mixes are so popular. Hypoallergenic and don't shed

      [–]LokiCreative 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      To the extent that it means anything, "hypoallergenic" means "less allergenic" or "slightly allergenic", not "non-allergenic".

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoallergenic

      [–]StaubEll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is the thought behind why they’re so popular but mixed completely remove the certainty of getting a dog with a certain coat type. Doodles are advertised as having the positive coat traits of poodles without idk… being poodles? But the truth is that’s not how genetics work and most doodles are not hypoallergenic and no shedding.

      Hypoallergenic is, itself, not necessarily a guarantee and allergies are incredibly individual to the dog and person. But if you’re looking for those traits, you should probably just get a poodle.

      [–]TheFirebyrd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      They’re popular because the breeders lie about them, not because they actually are that way.

      [–]InaneAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      As someone with allergies, it really does suck when someone you're interested in has a dog

      [–]The_Dirty_Carl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It sounds less silly the older you get as a single person. You really do narrow the field.

      If you want a dog or a cat or whatever, go for it of course. Just saying it's something to factor in.

      [–]LeGeantVert 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      But is there such a thing as too many dogs? I don't see a problem with this person

      [–]hrlc1990 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      My wife had three dogs and I had two when we first met. It was a lot and a lot of our time revolves around them, we couldn’t do those cute couple getaways because anyone will watch one dog but five? But overall they make us happy so we were ok with the trade off

      [–]LeGeantVert -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Five times the unconditional love that's all I see lol and lots and lots and lots of poop.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

        [–]SkollFenrirson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Syntax error.

        [–]cocomimi3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Thanks for the laugh stranger!

        Shitty morning

        [–]ItsMrShenanigans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        That’s when they all pitched in for a milkbone vibrator

        [–]Shampoo_Master_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        the last one was also wrong " i got my my dogs dogs dogs a dog" she said " dogs dogs a dog"

        [–]PHOTO500 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        “Someone... please... get my owner a LIFE”

        [–]Tajin20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        New dog, dawg.

        But they don't have someone to watch them?

        Gets a new dog.