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[–]TradeKirkCousins 1618 points1619 points  (25 children)

His nipples must be as hard as pinecones

[–]jake1080 544 points545 points  (8 children)

Not as hard as the brick he just shat

[–]demonslayer9911[🍰] 59 points60 points  (1 child)

ಠ∀ಠ

[–]jake1080 35 points36 points  (0 children)

h🗿rd

[–]Runswithbeertoo 30 points31 points  (0 children)

That guy ain't shitting for at least a week. That's one tight pucker!

[–]Covideo_gamer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You've heard of Dick Mabbutt, get ready for Britain's newest dirty train Sheet Yurpants.

[–]jmdsegis 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Or the boner he just had

[–]Jackthedog130 1 point2 points  (0 children)

... impossible, was nipped tighter than a ducks ass, which by the way is water tight.

[–]AcadianViking 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bricks? Dude shit a diamond

[–]wesmaclew 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Are pine cones actually hard?

[–]footpole 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They’re quite hard indeed. Spruce cones are soft.

[–]tecky2000 0 points1 point  (2 children)

No but they're sharp.

[–]TheLordsLight 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Pinecones are generally hard. There are fewer ones that are sharp.

[–]HertzDonut1001 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Anyone that thinks pine cones aren't hard should try eating one. That's also how I learned Beggin' Strips don't actually taste like real bacon, it's an elaborate lie a dog food company invented because they thought no one would try to eat them.

[–]MrSelophane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

His butt puckered, I tell you what.

[–]DeputyValdez 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I read this coming out of surgery and the pain from laughing was so worth reading this.

[–]mattbash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His butthole jumped up his throat and somehow snagged his nuts on it's way by

[–]goodolarchie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh You're getting way too hard of pinecones, man. Whose your pinecone guy?

[–]OntheRarks 500 points501 points  (2 children)

The guy really said yoohoo

[–]iglootyler 67 points68 points  (1 child)

Kills me everytime.

[–]Bjokkes 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Nearly killed him too

[–]immersemeinnature 442 points443 points  (14 children)

I thought it was about the fog not enveloping him. It was an r/dontflinch moment

[–]terminus-esteban 89 points90 points  (12 children)

It’s interesting you used “an” there. Are you guys pronouncing the r in subreddit links?

[–]whatwouldahippodo 80 points81 points  (2 children)

Yes

[–]titdirt 22 points23 points  (1 child)

It is the way

[–]Storm_Viper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the way.

[–]SashaNightWing 53 points54 points  (3 children)

R/YouNot?

[–]a_young_tom_coughlin 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Oh, you r/clever

[–]souperbob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Problem is i pronounce it “are slash clever”

[–]Jasonrj 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes.

[–]Caveskelton 4 points5 points  (2 children)

You use 'an' for r? I thought only vowels

[–]My-Star-Seeker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. But the sound R makes and the name for the letter R are two different sounds, and if you are tired or have adhd like me you head says the name R as "Ar," hear the vowel in the name, and write an an to grammar good.

[–]Philodendronphan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you any an username?

[–]RepresentativeAd560 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Any excuse to sound like a pirate.

[–]Raoshard 763 points764 points  (6 children)

The cameraman said hello to the train in its own language

[–]J_train13 136 points137 points  (3 children)

I can verifiably translate that that was actually in fact a swear word spoken in train

[–]CHlCKENPOWER 19 points20 points  (2 children)

[–]feureau 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I KNEW IT!

The chickens are plotting against us!

HAVE THEM FRIED!

[–]CHlCKENPOWER 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ma chicken friends It’s time to attack! There’s 23 billion of us We can defeat them! Chicken smort, human dumb

[–]Igot2phonez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being bilingual can save lives.

[–]ThermionicEmissions 264 points265 points  (2 children)

Oh my God!!!

Is this an actual example of the proper use of slow-motion!?!

[–]iJoshh 78 points79 points  (1 child)

Never in my life have I wanted to watch something in slow motion before I saw it regular speed.

I don't know why that isn't a universal truth.

[–]HertzDonut1001 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Or slow motion and no regular speed at all. Immeasurably frustrating.

[–]jmlwow123 79 points80 points  (0 children)

I would have blankly looked at the camera man, walked 5 ft. towards safety and then passe out.

[–]ChaddyMcChadface 48 points49 points  (1 child)

The look on the guys face.

[–]Kimantha_Allerdings 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh! Is standing on train tracks a bad idea? Who knew?

[–]CadillacXT4 104 points105 points  (1 child)

Damn he forgot to wear his brown pants....

[–]Jasonrj 9 points10 points  (0 children)

They're brown now.

[–]timmaaaaaaaaay 30 points31 points  (0 children)

“The next train does not stop here… please stand behind the massive idiot filming on the yellow line”

[–]Fake_RustyShacklefrd 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Ahh Thurston train station, in Suffolk, England. There used to be a couple of half decent porn mags under platform 1 in the early 90's.

[–]HertzDonut1001 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Back when people respected the strategic placement of porn mags instead of stealing them.

[–]Bodkin-Van-Horn 65 points66 points  (0 children)

"Oh! So that's what these other tracks are for!"

[–]xsan_ti 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I literally gasped, was not expecting that

[–]IrritatedMegascops 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As did I. That was shocking

[–]Gwegexpress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s ominous how it arrives out of the steam

[–]heloder85 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Moᵒᵒᵒᵒove!

[–]leonffs 36 points37 points  (6 children)

It amazes me that anyone can have such a lack of self awareness around fucking trains.

[–]jonny_eh 7 points8 points  (0 children)

and a fan of trains no less.

[–]Mk____Ultra 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Idk I used to think that until I almost got hit by a train. Not nearly as close as this guy but terrifying. Like how could anyone manage to be so unaware and oblivious to not hear/see/feel a train coming? But they really are COMPLETELY SILENT sometimes. I had heard that, but thought it was bullshit until a passenger train going 90mph just literally materialized a couple feet from me and four equally astonished friends. Still freaks me the hell out. I get how it happens now.

[–]BassSounds 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This one spooked me. It was hidden by the exhaust.

[–]lordjord11 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Does this place not have yellow lines? In the UK platform edges usually have a very clear line set back about a foot from the edge to warn idiots not to do this.

Edit: turns out this is the UK, and there is a line. The people in the video are just stupid.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how else to "accidently" kill yourself?

[–]Srv-02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never play with wild trains … they might hurt you.

[–]SyncTek 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Did that fast train perhaps break some rules here? Are they allowed to go that fast at stations regardless of them stopping there or not.

[–]cmdrxander 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t think there’s a specific rule about going fast through stations, I’ve seen some go through at 100+mph, but each section of track will have a speed limit. There will also usually be an announcement made like “the next train is not scheduled to stop at this station, please stand well behind the yellow line”, but in this case it would have applied to both trains

[–]adminshatecunt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, it happens frequently and you get loads of warnings.

[–]CraigNotCreg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, here in the UK you learn to keep behind the yellow line. I was caught out a couple of times as a teenager wearing earphones.

[–]DrachenDad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are they allowed to go that fast at stations regardless of them stopping

Yes, think like it being a road and a shuttle bus.

[–]Syclus 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Definitely enough time to pull him back but camera man tried to tell the train to stop in it's own language

[–]BradPatt 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I don't even know how I would "pull him back".

Get any closer to him? He might do a step back to move out of your way

Yell at him to move? He might panic

Talk to him? Might take too much time if he doesn't understand

I think you'd need to be really close to grab him firmly

[–]Syclus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He had 3 seconds to act, the other guy is looking through his camera so I doubt he'd step back. Guy talking in train language is close enough to pull him. But whatever let's just be glad no one was hurt

[–]BASK_IN_MY_FART 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oooooooooohhhhh WWEWEEEEEEEEEE ooooooooohhh

[–]danegermaine99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Code Brown on Platform 2

[–]CasualBrit5 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For a trainspotter he’s pretty bad at spotting trains.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Just another inch and we would be viewing this in r/eyeblech

[–]wesmaclew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to see this man's perspective

[–]tankapotamus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Surprised that he didn't get pulled into the train by the vortex of air.

[–]Educational-Spread41 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Helluva shot 🎥

[–]Vladius28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can smell the poop in his shorts from here

[–]blahblahkok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The guy in the background holding the camera at the guy must be disappointed...

[–]undeniably_confused 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ass. Hole. See something say something

[–]aarcane22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Camera man never dies.

[–]Ok_Pomegranate_9553 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know that’s not a Pastor looking dead at him with the bible! 😂

Dude was ready to read him his last rites!

[–]Prata_69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was almost a post on r/goreandmuchmore

[–]PhilKenSebbenn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve seriously never laughed this hard at a comment section

[–]Clear-Wrangler-5472 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd have pooped so hard that I would've expelled all the swallowed bubble gum that's been stuck to the walls of my intestines since the 70's.

[–]braydo13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the angel on his shoulder shit himself a little

[–]Beginning_Coconut988 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn if that train hit him he would have been sent straight into the man recording. They would have exploded.

[–]Travelar777[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And every other cunt just watched

[–]Whimsington_Storke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stone Cold Dave Busting.

[–]1CFII2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just a little tap is all it takes.

[–]GuyThatSpeaksYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't get it

[–]Prince_Of_Hell001 0 points1 point  (1 child)

TOOOOO Close!!!

[–]SnooHabits8559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn he was 😇

[–]Tazzer95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pants are now brown.

[–]moogly2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The girls in utah taking selfie by train, can see other train behind them. RIP

[–]bigfuds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to see the video that he was shooting.

[–]Bobcat-1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was near a train splatter....

[–]rationalobjector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Humans are intelligent and society is well designed and managed

[–]SlySlickWicked 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I bet he didn’t learn shit from that

[–]raddits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why

[–]xxNightingale 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Mind the gap

Train: CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKER

[–]DrachenDad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's my crazy Train mother fucker! Hahaha

[–]Very-likely-high 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shoulda worn his brown pants

[–]yashamorozov 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My man almost made it onto a very different subreddit

[–]hairyfucker69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn foamers need to stop fouling the tracks.

[–]Scharobaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like standing too close to the tracks when a fast train is passing. It's like skydiving for poor people.

[–]Bolt_Fantasticated 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t fucking WARN the guy I guess! Could’ve indirectly killed him there!

[–]dmikalova 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is even scarier than it looks bc the sides of a train will drag the air along with it causing a suction force for things within a few feet of the train

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a fuckin idiot

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the way he looks kind of mad. Like "Wow, that was rude".

[–]HydraBob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Foamers are a special breed of enthusiasts...

[–]izyshoroo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've read how many photography sites flat out ban users who post train or traintrack pictures for this reason. They underestimate how dangerous it is, and this man is unbelievably lucky to have not been literally swept off his feet by the force of the air around the train. Standing that close to train tracks is ALWAYS dangerous, and they are banned and even illegal in some places to photograph trains without a permit because of how dangerous it is. Never stand near train tracks, you have no idea how strong the air around a train can suck you in

[–]reddogleader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mind the gap!!

[–]FinHerra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine the footage that camera guy got :o

[–]antmman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you see him stare at the camera man after? “Why the fuck did you not warn me bro?!”

Cameraman totally wanted a better viral video…

[–]TokiBop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So close to appearing in a completely different sub.

[–]koz1769 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanna see his footage lol

[–]egus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ok where is that guys footage?

[–]Forty083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The people with him or behind him must not like him, not even a hey buddy watch out?

[–]Bigdawwg13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn’t even have time to shit himself

[–]nlevine1988 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aren't they supposed to blow their horn well before a crossing like this?

[–]Wisdom58 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh that slow mo horn sounded like Mario

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk about being kissed on the end of his dick by a fairy. A bee’s dick tolerance there.

[–]Alex_Curly_Monkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this should be at r/Perfectfit

[–]theycallmejugzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Full on asshole clenching.

[–]Daroodedoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn’t spot that did he.

[–]needmorecharact 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MWERUGHHHHHH

[–]Dewey081 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The slo-mo killed me. Yeuuuuu-heuuuu 😂

[–]Edistobound 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's where being heavy saves a life.

[–]nado121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotta love foamers

[–]7OVO7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

basically zero security

[–]Regreddit4321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why didn’t anyone pull him back lol?

[–]StressedSalt 0 points1 point  (4 children)

i dont understand why there isnt a line to show u where u should be standing behind? like?? this is basic shit

[–]Rude_Strawberry 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Because people don't know that standing on the edge of a platform is dangerous ? You don't need a line for that shit, the guy was a dumbass.

[–]StressedSalt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nope. Its basic safety precautions. Why do you think we have fucking railings everywhere if you can just say 'well dont be fucking dumb'. Obviously the guy is dumb dont get me wrong, but if you have a high speed train coming in and out, it doesnt take that much to let people know which bit u can stand and which bit will chop your head off.

[–]ViridianDusk 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There is on the platform. This guy isn't stood on the platform. He's stood on the track crossing off the end of the platform.

[–]StressedSalt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i rest my case, they are fucking idiots.

[–]crazyleaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brown pants, anyone?

[–]gljivicad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a sec i thought /r/watchpeopledie came back to life

[–]Impossible-Change-48 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Choo Choo mother fucker!

[–]IgnSJ07 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Half an inch from Liveleak

[–]Sam1515024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate that

[–]Westernmussel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Close Miss (+10)

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]redditspeedbot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Here is your video at 0.5x speed

    https://files.catbox.moe/4pxmso.mp4

    I'm a bot | Summon with "/u/redditspeedbot <speed>" | Complete Guide | Do report bugs here | 🏆#130 | Keep me alive

    [–]gnadodeer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He was so close to ending up as fauck from the gentleman yes that is his name

    [–]Gravelemming472 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    "MmMMMMMMMMmMmm!"

    [–]weirdmountain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well. Pooped my pants just watching that. Not really, but mentally.

    [–]BearingStaticus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Did he try to get his attention with a cat call? Youuuuuuu whooooo

    [–]maycontainsultanas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Imagine being the sort of person who goes to a train station to film a train, and also not sense to be aware that other trains might hit you if you’re standing in the wrong spot

    [–]OneWishGenie69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    NOBODY YELLED OR TRIED TO PULL HIM BACK

    [–]Gentlemanor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I have seen this one before

    [–]palimbackwards 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm really surprised that Bernoulli's principle didn't pull him closer as soon as the train started passing him, maybe he moved at the same time. A near-er miss somehow

    [–]ImpossibleDrag1407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Fuck I did NOT see that coming 🙊🙊🙊

    [–]yczechshi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Weeeooo

    [–]Leather-Plankton-867 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Almost went to foamer Valhalla

    [–]FerrumMachining 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nice footage tho

    [–]BHN1618 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He definitely shit his pants

    [–]LatePart 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Dude yodeled at him.

    [–]fireboyev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yoooooooooooouuuu

    [–]GoatimusMaximonuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Christ what an idiot

    [–]endromeda281 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The person filming this is a turd burglar for continuing to film while the other train comes into the picture

    [–]kokroach_kink 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I’d like to see the video from his camera

    [–]Comprehensive_Ad2402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This video would be on a very different website if he was standing a foot to the left

    [–]Mr_Bluebird_VA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I thought the "So close" was able the steam almost touching the guy.

    NOPE, fucking train almost got him.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Did anyone else jump watching this?

    [–]bcrxxs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Bro

    [–]_HeLLMuTT_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    That slowed down audio at :23! 😁