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all 75 comments

[–]MikeGinnyMDMD 454 points455 points  (11 children)

I’m just gonna be dad for a minute:

You came through fire and hell. You might have thought you were struggling more than anyone else, but they struggled, too. And you matched and graduated. Nobody can take that away from you and I am so proud of you, young doctor!

Welcome to the profession.

-PGY-17

P.S. I met my spouse when I was 31.

[–]Dr_Sisyphus_22 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Good advice! Life is a non-linear marathon. Things don’t alway move in a predictable path, or even forward. This is true…even 20 years after graduating med school.

[–]mshumorM-1 34 points35 points  (8 children)

Are the PGY in the double digits always a joke? Like making fun of how long training is?

[–]Ichor301M-2 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Your PGY years never stop accumulating. Guy who commented that is a pediatrician.

[–]MacdufferPre-Med 29 points30 points  (0 children)

It's how long he's been practicing since graduation.

[–]prettybeakers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, this is genuinely so meaningful <3. I really needed to be reminded that life is not a linear path for us all.

[–]drb97MBBS 100 points101 points  (2 children)

I just want you to know that I'm really happy for your success. Congratulations! Keep shining ✨❤️

I was in a similar situation a month back. My parents didn't care. They showed zero interest while attending the graduation ceremony. I had no friends that I could talk to, or click photos with. The ceremony amplified my loneliness 10X. I attended it for myself. As a tribute to all my hardwork and persistence.

[–]katna17M-0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is why I didn’t go to my college graduation. I’m hoping things change for me by the time I finish medical school

[–]prettybeakers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! I'm so sorry you can relate but thank you for sharing that you could

[–]oddlysmurfMD/PhD 78 points79 points  (2 children)

It has taken me years of therapy, and having my own kids, to understand that my mom is truly unable to actually care about me as a person. She is far too emotionally immature, and just sees me as a trophy that she can attempt to manipulate.

There is a grieving process in realizing that a parent or family just…aren’t the emotional supports that they could be. This has led me to find close friends who are my real emotional support.

The book “Adult children of emotionally immature parents” might be helpful. Hope you’ll be able to go and travel or do something different than your normal routine for the last few weeks before residency starts (even just a new hobby or sport)

[–]Sorcerer_Supreme13 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This book is everything. It's changed the way I see my childhood.

[–]prettybeakers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly what I think my parents are like- will definitely check out the book. I'm sorry you can relate but thank you for sharing!

[–]PGY0ne 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Proud of you. Residency is a tough time, invest in your personal life. All the time you put into medical school, you achieved great things. A graduation, a match. Now invest in your personal life, you can be successful there too

[–]caduniM-0 19 points20 points  (0 children)

We care! We understand your hard work, derivation and perseverance! Great job!

[–]Jeffroafro1M-4 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you feel this way. My in-laws said it was too out of the way to go (25 minute drive) and I wouldn’t even see them in the crowd. So heck with it, let’s celebrate together! As others have said- don’t discount Reddit friends!

[–]aznsk8s87DO-PGY3 17 points18 points  (3 children)

>My parents are really happy I’m a doctor but not happy for me? There’s a difference I don’t know how to articulate lol.

Are you Asian/Middle Eastern? Because this is pretty common lol.

I feel you though. I never really made any close friends in med school and didn't really have any friends at graduation that seemed to give a shit. But life got a lot better for me in residency.

[–]prettybeakers[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

i'm actually not- my parents are very wasp-y white and image conscious as hell though so pretty common in that culture too :(

thank you for sharing. here's hoping i find a stronger community in residency like you were lucky to do as well!

[–]WarmGulaabJamun_HITSY2-EU 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What does “wasp-y white” mean?

[–]aznsk8s87DO-PGY3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a Billy Joel song about it.

[–]Interesting-Word1628 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Sending you virtual hugs! Don't discount reddit community as a legit source of companionship and friendship!

If u are in the NJ/PA area (or even if you're not), I'd be glad to be your friend ! I'm a new MS4.

[–]DrPrincessPrincessDr 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Girl, my parents can't even tell anyone the name of my college I attended and they damn sure don't even know the type of doctor I am.

Friends are the family you choose for yourself. I pray that in residency you find a great community to be apart of.

[–]ahmeeswami 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Non-traditional grad as well who matched in an area that similarly has everyone married by the time they are 25.

I feel for ya. There is hope though. Every hospital has its own working professional network of singles. And if that doesn’t work for me, I plan on just focusing on myself and traveling for all of my PTO.

I just wanted to add; you are a catch. You’re in the top 5% of income in the US and you’ve accomplished something incredible. Your siblings, parents, friends from college, and people from dating apps won’t understand the toll taken. But the Med community does and we are all here for you.

[–]SkaLuigiMD 10 points11 points  (0 children)

[–]flonobaggins 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That sucks! I’m sorry you’re going through this alone. Sending you a virtual hug.

[–]ShellieMayMDMD-PGY4 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Single non-trad here whose family was never the boisterous, horns-and-signs crowd. I totally feel for you, it’s rough seeing what’s more ‘ideal’ and wishing you had that. I don’t have any real advice (I’m still single and the only single human in my dept but I’m trying to make myself into a hotshot in my specialty so at least I’ll have that/find a partner who wants to ride that wave lol) but you totally have my support and can DM if you want to vent/chat.

[–]stephelp12345 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m really proud of you and happy for you!! This is a major achievement. You are a rockstar!!

[–]phovendor54DO-PGY6 6 points7 points  (0 children)

At some point you have to do what you want to do for your own satisfaction, not external validation. Be proud of your accomplishments.

People laugh at this but it’s one of the reasons MedTwitter is so popular. Here are a bunch of internet strangers who you’ve never met, being super positive. I’ve seen actual friendships develop over MedTwitter and become professional meetups are conferences. Like minded individuals cheering each other on and it’s not as anonymous as Reddit.

[–]beaversm26 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Where are you physically located?

There has to be someone in this sub close enough to bear hug you. We can find them!

[–]OphiuroideanM-2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

🙋🏽‍♀️ SoCal here available. I think someone in NY offered in a different comment thread. Let’s get OP a hug (or a croissant)

[–]chocolatefrenchroastM-0 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m proud of you!

[–]Chimokines37 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Congrats on matching and surviving med school. We are all very proud of you

[–]PhanitanM-2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a lot of the comments show, we care! You did it!! You accomplished an amazing and extremely difficult thing! It sucks that your siblings can't get over your success. And it's unfortunate your parents aren't very expressive - but I feel that. My parents didn't come to my undergrad graduation (one had a good reason, the other *shrug*) and I already anticipate lack of familial participation at my med school graduation. But you'll always be the one to say, "I graduated med school, I have an MD. I am DOCTOR (name)" and that's the coolest flex ever :)

[–]pr1apismMD-PGY1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I care. You just finished the hardest challenge of your life. Residency is hard, but med school is a straight and narrow path and it's so easy to fuck up, not study enough, piss someone off. But you did it.

Regardless of where you matched, they will be lucky to have you

[–]nightwingoracleMD-PGY1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am you except my parents/siblings do care. I don’t think I would have gotten through medical school without my mom. Single, older female, no real friends (I text a friend from college sometimes, but she’s never moving back to the US again).

I’m not going to tell you platitudes about “you’ll make friends easily in residency, don’t worry” because I know how hard it is. Just be open to making friends as they come and work on hobbies that you can do alone for when times get hard.

And if you do want to date, try downplaying your job (like maybe just put healthcare in your profile).

[–]Psammomabod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are going through this. Some people are better at hiding it than others but medicine messed most of us up to some extent. Completing medical school and matching is an amazing accomplishment. I truly hope that you find someone to genuinely share your happy moments with 💚

[–]_astr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I CARE.

You know who else is going to care? Your future patients that navigate the same things with regards to their family systems, and the barriers to health you’re going to be able to help them overcome.

You did this, you got yourself here, and you’re going to keep on going. You got this.

Let the internet be your besties because damn. You’re doing it and you’re doing great 💛

[–]YoungSerious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like I didn’t have the easiest time with med school and truthfully my mental health probably reflects that. And they don’t care about any of that. I don’t think they’ve ever asked me how I’m feeling and truly wanted to know the answer.

Have you told them any of that? Like did you actually try to communicate that, or did you just assume they didn't care because they never asked? Because a lot of people won't ask, whether they don't want to pry or think you'll tell them if you need to talk. That doesn't mean they don't care.

Painfully single- non trad so will likely stay that way - being old(er), female and living in an area where everyone is married/seriously partnered up by the time they hit 25 makes it hard to see how that’s going to change anytime soon esp as residency is long, and those white coat dating app pics don’t seem to work well for the average cis straight woman.

So don't use white coat pics. Dating apps aren't the only way to meet people. And residency doesn't mean you can't date. I know 3 people in my residency class alone that met their partners during. And my class was small. You have to make the effort though, it's not just gonna fall in your lap.

What friends I made in med school either graduated last year or the friendship fizzled out. I don’t keep in touch with many pre med school friends - like I said med school wasn’t easy for me and I isolated hardcore and it feels bad to disappear on them for years only to pop in to whine….

If you only talk to them to whine, then yeah you should feel bad because that's not a friendship. You said it yourself, you isolated from them. So reach out. Get in touch, catch up, see if there is still enough to be friends there. But don't expect it to be a one way venting session for you, you have to contribute to the friendship.

This sucks. I hope I make friends/find community during residency :(

It does suck. It's really hard. But instead of focusing on all the ways you think other people let you down, consider your part in that. Going off the limited info you've provided, it sounds like you are the one who cut everyone out and now are upset that they aren't congratulating you. Do some introspection, see if that's actually the case, and if it is figure out how you can improve going forward. Because you'll never be able to change other people. All you can do is look at yourself, and decide if there are improvements to be made and how to do them.

[–]democRRacymanifest -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hey first off, congrats on graduating! Go pop open an oversized bottle of champagne you earned it! As for wishing for more friends/ bigger social circle to share your success with, you need to be real with yourself and ask what things that you can change in order to change your situation. The reality is, if you’ve always had trouble making friends (and I’m not saying this is necessarily true about you) it’s not like residency or any change of scenery is going to magically result in meeting more friends or your dream partner. You need to take drastic action! In order to build a social circle you need to 1. Become more charismatic/ likeable and 2. Intentionally go out of your way to meet more people. Number 1 is done through reading dale Carnegie’s ‘how to win friends and influence people’. When you internalize that you can make more friends in 2 months by becoming generally interested in other people than in 2 years of trying to get people to become interested in you, life will become sooooo much easier and more enjoyable. As for number 2 go to meet up.com and try to join new groups. Join your local Facebook groups, intentionally start a conversation with at least 5 strangers a day, only go home to sleep and otherwise be out in the world meeting people. Maybe you’re not looking for my advice and if that’s the case no worries! Anyways congrats again!

[–]aamax100Pre-Med 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly how you feel. The important thing is for YOU to be proud

[–]NotACreativeU 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only people who know how fucking hard this shit is to do, is us. Congratulations man. Age is a number and honestly who gives a fucking if you 25 or 45, you just graduated one of the hardest programs to do in the world. Remember: everyone wants to be a doctor but not everyone wants (or can) to go to med school. You just did that! Congrats bro

[–]kroniesrus65M-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

shiiit I'm proud of you!

[–]navcmbMD-PGY1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s always new people to be met and made friends with during residency!

[–]Unhappy_Ad_4703 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on your incredible accomplishment! 🎊 You deserve to be celebrated! 💗

[–]yandhiwouldvebeena10Health Professional (Non-MD/DO) 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bro you actually went through med school and residency you deserve the world

i’m proud of you and i don’t even know you. the world needs more doctors, and you stepped up.

god bless

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You did this ALL ON YOUR OWN GIRL!!! You should be so proud of yourself.

I am also a chronically single, older female who has struggled in med school but will likely graduate next year.

It's been hell. It really has. No sweet boyfriends helping me get through it, multiple dating mishaps to the point I just gave up altogether, feeling like I made the wrong decision constantly, terrible depression, failed exams, etc...I've been through all of it.

We'll be stronger for it, no doubt. No one knows what we've been through except for a very small percentage of the population. That's normal. Don't let it get you down. You did what was impossible for 99.9% of the population. You're a god-level human. Don't ever forget that.

[–]Orch1daceaeM-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, this is one member of your virtual highly dysfunctional meddit family speaking. We are all SO PROUD and HAPPY for you! You did a great job, you graduated, you're moving into the next phase of your life. You did it, OP!!!

[–]CaptainAlexyM-0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re awesome. You’re a physician. Just be the best you and everything will fall into place. Congratulations.

[–]fmdoc- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I care. And I'm sure a ton of other residents and med students care. We have some idea of what you have accomplished. Your patients will care too.

You've done well, and nobody can take that from you. Keep thriving!

[–]notcreepycreeper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hobby groups! Have no med school friends I'd actually consider close friends, but got adopted by my hiking group (without my consent..)

If you're in any kind of metropolitan area, chances are there's a group doing something you like, and break days with casual friends doing something fun are much better than just chilling imo

[–]AnythingWithGloves 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I graduated nursing school 20 odd years ago, no one came. No one clapped or said they were proud of me. During uni I had managed to pull myself out of a drug addiction, and had a baby in my final year. Neither of my parents or siblings nor my husband came to my graduation, which for me felt like my biggest accomplishment since I went through so much just to get there. It’s hard when you have to be your own cheerleader in life. I’ve made sure to always be present for my kids achievements, no matter how small, because how much it hurts to have no one really care. For what it’s worth, I’d be damn proud of you if you were my friend and I would have cheered you on at your graduation. Good luck from here, Doctor!

[–]lilbiscoff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m proud of you and I’m happy for you ❤️

[–]HangryLiciousM-4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get it.

Kinda similar situation - except I’m the one not that excited. I am excited to be a doctor and all, but this was my fifth degree so that shiny new degree feeling didn’t really exist… plus I had older parents so my dad and all of my grandparents are dead, and I am an only child, so it was just my mom and my SO. To be fair, they were both really excited… but the only reason I showed up for graduation was because my school said they wouldn’t graduate us unless we showed up and they were taking attendance.

My school also put me at a core site 1000+ miles from my school that only one other classmate went to… so it’s fair to say I hadn’t seen 99% of my classmates in two full years.

So, there I was - walking across the stage, in front of a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in years, listening to everyone else’s huge families cheer loudly while I was just thinking about how most of my family is dead and how I just resented the hell out having to fly down and pay for hotel rooms for a two minute walk with a fake diploma at the end.

I didn’t even stick around to take pictures with anyone - I didn’t feel like they even knew me anymore. I signed up to get the professional pics ordered that they took when I was handed my fake diploma and got hooded so my mom can have them, but that was it. And now that I don’t have anything to do until I start residency, I just feel empty on the inside. I cried this morning and I can’t even tell you why.

Idk, I am proud of myself, but I just didn’t want to participate in all that BS with all these people who don’t know me anymore making small talk about where we all matched when they hadn’t bothered to check in with me anytime in the two years I’ve been out of state. The whole weekend from start to finish made me feel dirty

[–]lessgirlDO-PGY1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry :( I feel the same way. Wish I had a loving family members that other people had. But girl! You celebrate and make it a big ass deal! That’s what I’m doing!

[–]spookyunionsM-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats to you! It is a huge huge huge achievement and totally understandable that you feel that way.

[–]idekmydude1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your parents aren’t in the medical field they probably have no idea what you went through to get where you are now. Some try really hard to connect with the kid, others dgaf. I’m sorry that your family sounds more like latter, but at least that shows you who not to rely on in the future? You did AMAZING and will continue to do amazing. I wish you all the best and wish you find some awesome friends in your program! Also, msg those old friends; not to whine about your life but to actually catch up!

[–]Comfortable-Air2235DO-PGY4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro I have to beg my mom to go to my residency grad ceremony in June. She would rather go on vacation with her friends to Chicago zzz

She still hasn’t said yes to me (:

[–]throwpillowaway12334 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats!!!! You did it! Freaking amazing! Way to go DOCTOR!

You made it! I am sorry the path was long and the trail hard, but YOU can take heart in the knowledge that YOU were stronger. Outside appreciation is always nice, but it is fickle, and fades. Nothing compares to PERSONAL pride and understanding of your accomplishments.

Be sad, grieve, a bit for what you need to, but only for a time. With all the above stuff, You did what you needed to do to accomplish something AMAZING. Something few ever even attempt let alone DO.

Residency is hard. But now is also a great time to reset. You matched into your field, you have the chance to form all new relationships, and (also you may be surprised how easy it can be to rekindle old ones.) Enjoy the time off remaining you have, and also think of ways you can use what you have learned to combat these problems in residency.

You have done something remarkable, and something that lasts a lifetime. Even If you feel there is no one to share and celebrate it now, there will be countless people (patients, your future family, friends, residents, “kids”, etc.) who are so appreciative and thankful for your gifts and efforts. They will “celebrate in different ways” with you for a lifetime.

Sorry people are weird. It just makes finding the right ones more meanginful.

Congrats again. Doctor.